23
By Grace (purplemud)
Pairing: Naley and a bit of Leyton and Brucas
Summary: Nathan Scott is done playing basketball. In fact, if he's going to be honest about it, he's done with living. But one funeral just might change that. AU. Totally.
Warning: Character death. Strong language. Some sexual content in the future. Maybe.
Author's note: I didn't forget about this fic. It just sort of took me a while to get everything together and I'm really sorry for taking me this long to update it. The interest in the story had probably died down and I have myself to blame for that, but for the old readers as well as the new, thank you so much for still hanging on. I hope that this update does not disappoint.
Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Me don't own. Lines from the show shamelessly borrowed. Please don't sue.
Ten - Interlude
The only reason Lucas decided to go to Stanford was Haley. If it had not been for her, he would've happily accepted and gone to practically anywhere, just not so far away from North Carolina. Or Oak Lake for that matter. But Haley insisted on Stanford.
She sat him down one day, at the beginning of the senior year. "Check this out, Stanford Libraries contains more than eight million volumes." She looked up at him expectantly; brown eyes growing huge, her smile warm and encouraging. "Lucas, can you imagine having eight million books to read?"
It sounded like heaven to Lucas. He can visualize it inside his head. Endless rows of books lined up from floor to ceiling, the smell of old paper, the feel of a leather-bound spine, golden embossed letters. Eight million titles all waiting for to be read and discovered. Haley wasn't his best friend for nothing. She knows his weakness. But still, he didn't promise her anything.
He'd gotten letters from several schools and scouts. But he wasn't going to play basketball anymore, so that didn't matter. The scholarship would be great, but he'd have to work harder than before. His basketball statistics was virtually useless, he'd have to rely solely on his grades – which weren't so bad to begin with, but wasn't stellar enough to earn him a full scholarship. Keith had offered to help pay for his college and even if his first instinct was to say 'No, Uncle Keith, this isn't your burden to carry, not your responsibility', Lucas knew uttering those words would break his Uncle's heart.
All his years in Oak Lake, Keith had been the father that he never had. Was… is his father. Maybe not by blood or name but by heart and it was all that mattered. And besides, he knew his mother wouldn't last long; it would only take Keith a year or so to convince his mom that getting married wasn't such an awful idea, in fact, it was just perfect.
Of course, when Haley had gotten wind of the situation, she decided to help Lucas out. She got him to study probably as much as she did, which was, a lot. It wasn't all that bad, studying with Haley. They got to spend even more time together and Lucas just loved being around her. She always had a way of making him laugh. Only Haley can actually make studying fun. And despite the fact that by the end of the school year they were practically competing for valedictorian, she helped, urged, and sometimes even threatened him bodily harm to get better grades. It didn't matter who ended up at the top of the class, if he did, it was as if Haley had topped the class as well. In the end Haley took the honor of being valedictorian and no one applauded more loudly than Lucas.
A week before graduation, he also already knew where Nathan was going. It had been huge news, even though everyone who knew high school basketball and followed it closely was already kind of expecting it.
Lucas remembers watching the live press conference. The Raven's coach, Whitey Durham had given a brief introductory speech and then for some strange reason, Dan also had a little speech of his own. Every sentence started with: "My son, Nathan." And as Dan started enumerating the many basketball records that Nathan had broken, the camera had panned towards Nathan, who looked anything but happy. In fact, he looked utterly… blank.
There he was, Nathan Scott, chosen son, Tree Hill's hometown hero, a circle of blue surrounding him: fans, cheerleaders and teammates – and there was nothing on his face. It was as though he was just there for the sake of being there.
When Dan finally called Nathan to the podium, the applause wouldn't stop; it went on and on until Nathan finally stood in front of the mic and gruffly cleared his throat. He looked straight into the camera, shoulders angrily thrown back and in a totally emotionless voice, he announced that he had accepted the offer from Duke. He was going to fulfil his lifelong dream of becoming a Blue Devil and still, that cold, expressionless face. Not even his customary arrogant little smirk. Just a hint of a wince as lights started flashing in front of him, forever capturing the moment he held his dreams at the palm of his hands.
And there he was, Lucas Scott, the other son, at his mom's café, watching the very dream he had for himself, unfolding on local TV. He never felt any sort of bitter resentment over Nathan, in time, it had quietly faded away. He didn't have an empty life in Oak Lake. Far from it. He had long figured out that if he was going to hold on to the many 'what ifs', he'd be poisoned by it. He had accepted the life given to him, had learned to make good with it and maybe even to love it and call it as his own – even though the choices made then weren't his, it still worked out for the best. So it took him by surprise, that bright Saturday afternoon when he suddenly wondered, for the first time in years, if they all thought about him then, wondered about him – the other brother.
Yeah, they'd say, what of him?
"I don't know if it applies to boys," Haley told him one night, mindlessly flipping through a Duke Freshman application form she found by his bed side, "but I've heard freshmen are kissed at midnight by seniors under the first full moon of Autumn Quarter." She glanced up at him, as though waiting for a reaction.
Lucas raised his eyebrows. "And?"
"Well, they call it Full Moon on The Quad." Haley, who had suddenly become an expert on Stanford, told him. She shifted position, sitting cross legged on top of his bed, her hair a magnificent mess. "And I don't know, doesn't it sound so romantic? And poetic? And so…old school?"
He watched silently as Haley made excited little gestures, mindlessly waving the Duke application in the air. "I mean, dude, just think about it! You get to do the whole thing twice. Once as Freshman, you know, the kissee and the next time, as the Senior, the kisser." She paused, to peer up at him, "I just thought it's something that you'd find interesting."
Lucas laughed at that. "Haley, Stanford is too far. From home, from mom. From everything I know. That I love. It'll be… like being the new kid all over again. How many of our friends do you know are planning to go to Stanford?"
"Well," She started indignantly, "no one. At least not yet, they aren't planning to. I mean who knows, maybe in the end, we'll all go to Stanford!"
Leaning forward from his chair, Lucas squinted at Haley. "You of all people should know that I don't do the whole New Kid scene so well."
"But Luke," She gave him a pleading look, pouted and sigh. "I'll be in Stanford. And you'll be far from me and we both know that you're totally screwed without me!"
Well, she did have a valid point there. But Stanford! It wasn't even on his list. Every school he had chosen was within the Carolinas. If pushed came to shove, he'll consider universities in Georgia, maybe. But not California. When he didn't answer, Haley made a sound of utter frustration, growling and eyeing him with narrowed eyes.
"Oh Lucas," She told him, shaking her head, before flopping down unto his bed, "You are so on a losing battle. We both know that you can never, ever, say no to me."
Lucas frowned at her. "I can so say no."
"Oh, really?" Haley lets out a snort, sitting up and raising her eyebrows at him. "We'll see about that, won't we?"
He didn't say anything when she chucked the Duke Application form towards the trash bin at the corner of the room. It went sailing past him, a flash of white, black and blue, landing face down a few inches off target.
And that was it for Duke.
The last summer before senior year, over hot cocoa and a hundred little white and yellow golf balls, Lucas told Haley that sometimes, he felt as though he was living another life. A life that wasn't meant for him. Sure he's happy in Oak Lake and he's thankful for that. Really, he is. It's just… something was missing. Something in him was missing. He couldn't explain it.
It's like never knowing where or what home really is and he confessed that it was the saddest thing he could think of and he was scared that he'd feel it for the rest of his life. Family and friends, they're supposed to anchor you to that place where you'll feel the safest but sometimes, if he stood in the middle of the high school gym, all alone with nothing but the silence, he wasn't so sure where he felt the safest. Not in this gym. He'd do the same thing in his own room, at the café, at the park where he and Haley would often hang out and still, there were times that these places, so familiar… it felt so alien to him. He felt so alienated from everything. A scary sense of detachment would find its way inside of him and he couldn't figure out what was missing or maybe it was something that he had lost, somehow.
And the worst part is the fear. The ever gnawing fear that he'll always be searching. That there would always be that nagging feeling at the back of his head that he had lost something and he just couldn't remember what it was.
Haley hadn't said anything, just looked at him, long and hard, before sighing softly and moving to cuddle closer, her arms wrapping around his shoulder, dropping a gentle kiss on top of his head. They never really needed words; they understood each other perfectly, especially like this, in silence, just the two of them. The kiss had been a promise of sorts, a vow that she'll never let him be so lost, so alone.
And Haley never did give up on him. She left him anything and everything Stanford: brochures, mugs, jerseys, sweatshirts, although she was quite sorry Stanford didn't have anything in blue, since blue is her favorite color - something that drove him and Damien absolutely nuts.
They always have to remind her to wear green on their games. Most of the time, she'd forget but sometimes, Lucas had a sneaking suspicion that Haley does it on purpose just to make a point. And that is, simply, blue is her favorite color.
"You said that I look good in blue!"
"I know I did, but you look better in green." Damien would argue with her all time. "Plus, Haley, where's your school spirit?"
And Haley's response always varied, although there was always one particular conversation that Lucas liked to relieve from time to time.
Junior year. It had been a few months since Haley and Damien had begun dating and they'd go together on all the games, all three of them in Damien's black truck and he'd always sit at the back, trying to be silent and supportive of this whole 'Daley' thing. Some idiot cheerleader in school had named the "it" couple and personally, he was okay with just Damien and Haley, the whole 'Daley' bit was just creepy. It has, of course, caught on and now even he can't stop himself from using it. Ugh. He can't believe the utter dumbness of it. Daley.
"Haley, there's still time, we can still turn around, go back to your place. We'll wait for you to change. You can wear that green dress I bought for you."
"We're already late, West." Lucas informed them from the backseat. "And Haley can wear whatever she wants to wear." Although, to be honest, had Damien not been with them, Lucas would have probably tried to convince Haley to wear something a little bit more, well, green, too.
"I'm cheering aren't I?" Haley added, crossing her arms against her chest, her lips pursed in a pout. Tonight she was wearing a white and blue ensemble and even inside the car, with just the three of them, she looked severely out of place.
"Yes, in blue." Always driven into exasperation, Damien would sound as though he was half begging, half roaring - pretty impressive, too, Lucas had to admit - and this always manage to send him in a good mood.
"It's her favorite color." Lucas intoned, grinning widely.
"It's been established, thanks Luke." Damien snapped at him, giving him an evil glare.
"I don't know what the fuss is all about." Haley said, giving both Damien and Lucas a look that clearly conveyed: peace, love, harmony and if either one of them opened their mouths again she was so going to kick both of their ass.
He and Damien were familiar with that look. Of course, Damien always had a penchant for ignoring explicit warning signs. "It's a good thing tonight's game is against Bear Creek." He grumbled out after a few minutes. "At least everyone would be in red and no one would think you're cheering for Bear Creek, which is by the way, the lousiest team ever, next to those shithead Ravens."
"Don't say shithead." Haley reprimanded Damien. "Besides, I can't be the only one wearing blue and white. That's like, statistically impossible. A gym-full of people. "
"Oh, trust me," Damien muttered, rolling his eyes, "you'd be the only one."
They watched as Haley bounced happily on her seat, eyes shining brightly. "Great! I'll stand out!" And Haley didn't mean it in a sarcastic way.
The memory captured Haley perfectly. It was everything that Lucas loved about her. Carefree. Never ever hung up on what other people expected her to look like, sound like or act like. She always did things her own way and always with great care, choosing what was right and what feels right. She'd always had strong opinions about certain things and she'd never hold back, if she believed in something, if she loved something, she'd give it her all.
And if there was one thing that Haley James felt passionate about, it was college. And Stanford.
People always talked about it, how it changed their life. College. And Lucas had often thought that four years of being virtually away from your family and friends would do that. It's a guarantee. Which was why wasn't so hot with the idea of being so far from Oak Lake.
The pangs of disconnection he'd sometimes feel scared him. What more if he'd ventured out so far from home? Besides, he didn't want to change so radically. Sure, there were things he didn't like about himself. Like maybe, how he'd still sometimes, briefly, in passing, wonder about Tree Hill but all in all, he was certain that he was a decent enough guy. Maybe not destined for greatness but he could live with that.
"And who told you that you aren't predestined to be world famous and well-loved? Although not in the 'throngs-of-girls-screaming-your-name-throwing-their-bras-at-you kind of well-loved."
Lucas would sometimes wonder where Haley ever gets these silly ideas. Like bra throwing. He rolled his eyes at her. "No one, I'm just saying… I just, you know, people have such high expectations of college life. Growing up, knowing yourself, your life's purpose. I mean, not everyone have the same experience in college. Just look at Taylor."
Haley made a face, frowning in confusion. "Well- Taylor's Taylor. I mean, she's…well, she's Taylor."
"Exactly. Besides, haven't we done much of the growing up now? I'd say we kinda grew up too soon, too fast during these four years."
"Yes. No. I don't know. That's the whole point. There are still a lot of things that I don't know. High school isn't the whole word. College isn't the whole world, but it's close to it. So, yeah, I guess I still need to do some growing up. I guess I still don't know who I really am and who I really love."
"What if I don't like who I become or for that matter, who I end up loving?"
"Lucas, I hate to do this to you, but this is kind of a ridiculous conversation, which you started and which I should not have encouraged." She glared at him for emphasis. "Look, who has all the answers to these questions, right? No one started out knowing the answers without…I don't know, taking a leap of faith. You gotta learn to just close your eyes and jump off a cliff."
"I'm pretty sure that will be death of me."
"I'm serious! Look, whatever happens, whatever you discover about yourself, whoever you fall in love with, I will always be your best friend and I may not always understand the why's of you, but I'd still love you. No matter what. And so would your mom and Keith and isn't that what's important?"
Lucas was silent for a few minutes, soaking in Haley's words. Well, when she said it like that, it didn't seem too scary anymore. He nudged her shoulder, "Hey buddy, are you as scared as I am about this whole college thing?"
"Shitless."
It wasn't often that Haley would curse, although she did have a potty mouth and she could probably out-curse him if she wanted to. Having three older brother would that. Which was how Lucas knew just how scared Haley was and all these time, she was being tough for him – well, it was time for him to be stronger. It wasn't just his mom's and his heart that he was trying to protect now, it was Haley's too. "Well, I can promise you the same thing. Whatever happens, whatever you discover about yourself, whoever you fall in love with, I will always be your best friend. Nothing is going to change that."
Haley took a deep breath before smiling up at him. "Well, now, I guess I'm not that scared anymore."
On the night of their senior prom, Haley came up to him, wrapped her arms around him and laid her head near his heart. The band was playing an old, sad song that Lucas didn't recognize. The lyrics were about not saying good bye and he figured Haley had chosen this very song for their last high school dance.
"Stanford feels right, Luke and it would feel really, really lonely without you in it."
That one sentence alone was enough to convince Lucas to go to Stanford with Haley.
"Also," Haley tells him, standing on her toes to whisper in his ears. "Damien thinks he can maybe count on you to make sure I don't end up dating and falling in love with some poor, ruggedly-handsome street musician."
Lucas chuckled, hugging her tighter. "Damien can bet his ass, the first thing I'm gonna do in Stanford is look for a proper boyfriend for you." He took a step back, playfully scowling at Haley. "You need to seriously get rid of West, Hales. You can do so much better."
"But I want him." And the way she told it left no space for any argument whatsoever. It wasn't like they've never had this conversation before but Lucas liked to bring it up once in a while. Catch Haley off guard. Make her finally realize. But Haley must see something in Damien worth emotionally investing in on. He still couldn't see, couldn't accept it as love. Lucas knows, at least he thinks he knows, love when he sees it and he doesn't see it in Haley's eyes.
"Damn, the guy is lucky." Lucas told her, shaking his head, peering down at Haley. "I still can't figure out what he did to deserve you, but if he makes you happy Hales, then I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that he's probably doing something right. And if he hurts you, we'll, you've heard this speech one too many times, I think."
Haley twists her lips up in a smirk. "Is this the one involving slow death?"
"The one and only."
"Well, then, buddy, I've heard it all throughout junior and senior year and Damien hasn't done anything to hurt me. So, let's keep you and him away from sharp objects, okay."
"Who says I need sharp object to waste West?"
"'Waste' West." Haley giggled a little. "You do realize how silly that sounds?" She wagged a finger in front of his face, "Don't let Damien hear you talk like that. He's still half convinced that we're having some sort of mad-passionate, clandestine affair behind his back."
Lucas makes a face. "Ugh, that is just gross. What is wrong with your boyfriend?"
She ignored the question, waving her hands dismissively in the air. "So, what do you say secret lover," Haley began, mischievously purring the last syllable, "let's go to Stanford?"
Lucas opened his mouth, but she stopped him, bringing a finger up, her face suddenly turning serious. "And if you say 'No' I won't ask again. I'll understand. And I'll support you wherever you want to go. I'll even wear your colors." She paused, tilting her head, "Oooh, are you still thinking of Duke? 'Cause I love their shade of blue. And even I have to admit, the little blue devil is kind of cute too."
Lucas swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and closing his hand around Haley's, squeezing it gently. This is why he loves her so much. She knows exactly what to say to him and she never makes it into something huge or dramatic. Leaning forward until their foreheads were touching, he slowly nodded his head. "Okay. Okay, Haley James, let's go to Stanford."
Haley looked at him blankly for a few seconds, as though unsure of what she had heard and when it finally sink in, she suddenly squealed out loud, throwing her arms around him, jumping up and down. "Oh, that is so awesome! I promise, Lucas Scott, we are going to have so much fun in there!"
"I'm sure we would." He carefully placed her back down, "Just, don't ever, ever call me lover, Haley. Never."
"Please, Lucas, you are such a girl." Haley rolled her eyes before beaming up at him and giving him another bear hug. "Told you, you just can't say no to little old me."
"Don't let it get into your head."
Freshman Year
Stanford wasn't so bad. In fact, if anyone asked Lucas, he'd tell them in a heartbeat that it was the best decision he had ever made.
Haley took up music and was regretfully busy most of the week but they made sure that every weekend, they'd spend a whole day in San Francisco, just the two of them, walking around and doing their usual goofy stuff. She tutored elementary school children, the simple Math, Science and English exercises helped her relax. And only Haley James would de-stress out by tutoring kids. She was happy and to Lucas that was all that he needed to know. Of course, there was that weekly, one hour crying over the phone as she talked to Damien who was in Arizona, getting ready for the basketball season.
Haley was always careful not to give him too much detail, especially about Damien and basketball. Sometimes, he'd miss it. Basketball. But he didn't miss it as much as he thought he would. He had promised his mom and Haley and Keith and himself that he wasn't going to trade his life to play a sport. Even if it was a sport that he loved with all of his life. Keith had told him that it was a game. It wasn't just a game, but still, it wasn't life. So he had to let that go. It was tough and sometimes he missed it so terribly, so painfully. But he had learned to accept it and had, in time, found something that he could love, if not as much as basketball, then somewhere closer to it.
He took up, surprise, surprise, Comparative Literature. When he told Haley this, she beamed at him for a whole second, a huge knowing smile on her lips and then as though remembering something, she totally changed her facial expression to one of surprise, jumping off the couch and hurtling herself against him, giving him a great big hug, her girlish giggle filling up her dorm room.
"And of course you already knew this." He told her, realizing right there and then that it was kind of wonderfully sunny here. Well, maybe it was just being with Haley that did it.
"That you'd be a brooding author of sad, sad novels? Hell yeah." Haley said, laughing at his pained expression. "You've always had a way with words, I mean, I remember that short story you submitted junior year, about a boy and his comet."
Lucas rolled his eyes at that. "It was just a story. What I am actually more interested in, is the debates about the place of the verbal arts and the methods of their study in past times and our own."
"Please. I know you never really want me to find out, which sucks, since I'm your best friend, but I've seen you typing away every night for the last year and a half. I mean, what could you have been possibly doing? It couldn't have been porn chat, no one types up three paragraphs for that. So I figured it out."
"Ah, Nancy Drew has done it once again." Lucas said, ignoring the 'porn' comment.
"So tell me, am I, your one and only best friend, included on that future-bestselling novel of yours?"
"Hales, I haven't even started. All the other stuff, they're just… stories. Not exactly something I'd let anyone read."
"Including me?"
"Well, maybe someday."
"You suck." Haley said, stepping away from the hug, crossing her arms against her chest, looking hurt.
Lucas raised his eyebrows. "But I brought you like, a gallon of cookie dough!"
Haley immediately brightened up. "Okay, I take it back. You rock my world!"
Sophomore Year
It did take them a while to get used to the whole dorm community. Actually, it took him a bit longer than Haley, but when he finally settled in, finally felt as though the campus and the library (of course) were part of his home, everything just sort of came into place. Like a jigsaw puzzle solving itself.
He had spent a total of two years in Stanford and he missed Oak Lake the same fierce way he had on his first night at his dorm room, but he had discovered so much about himself in that two years that he felt as though for the first time in all his life, he wasn't being anchored by, weighed down by anything from his past. From the choices that Dan had made, that his mom had made. He felt free from all of that and he felt in control of his life.
He could be anyone, could totally re-invent himself but that wasn't what he sought out to do. What he wanted was to re-discover himself. Be Lucas Scott. Not son of a single mom, basketball, hometown hero, all around good-guy, but just Lucas Scott, college student. It's just like, when he was a kid and he'd write a letter and put his age next to his name. Wasn't it so much simpler back then?
Lucas Scott, 20.
Haley had understood it even before he did, that he needed this. To be away from home to know where home really is. Home was wherever you'd find your strength, where you'd feel safe, where you'd find love, the reason to live. Home wasn't just one place. It wasn't even really a place.
It's inside of him. His own heart.
Lucas is pretty sure it's the same from everyone, no matter what you believed in or what you're doing; although, it was kind of sad to think that not many people would even realize it. He was lucky he had his mom and Keith who'd always encourage him to follow his heart. And Haley too, who literally had to kick his ass for him to finally figure it all out. Of course, figuring it all out is a world of difference from applying it to his everyday life. But that's what Haley is for.
"Luke, I'm not like the magnetic North in your compass." Haley told him when he treated her out for dinner the night their Sophomore year ended. Tomorrow he'd be going back to Oak Lake and Haley was going to spend a few months with Damien in Arizona. The dinner was his way of thanking her for always being there for him and guiding him through it all. "I didn't do anything. It was all you. I mean, if you'd just listen to what your heart says, you wouldn't be in so much trouble. You do have a bad habit of ignoring what your heart is telling you."
"I do not." He answered back, hoping to sound as convincing as the voice in his head.
Haley's knowing eyebrow-arch was enough of a confirmation that she didn't quite believe him and she was probably right about that too. But really, when you're this young, could you really trust your painfully inexperienced heart? What truths will it know? Maybe he was a skeptic but he honestly believed that the whole 'heart over mind' thing, it's a little too naïve. Of course, naiveté would suit Haley but in the end, it wouldn't protect her from getting hurt. This was why he was her bestfriend, to make sure that she never gets hurt. Speaking of trying to protect her, narrowing his eyes, he stabs the air with his fork. "So, how long are you staying with West?"
"Two weeks and then we go home to Oak Lake together, but oh, let's not change the subject. We, buddy, are talking about your heart."
"Haley!" Lucas was aware of how whiny that sounded. "I do my best, but I have a damaged heart, so you'd forgive me if I don't always trust it."
"I think your heart is just perfect, you're just too thick-headed to realize it. Besides," she added her voice turning slightly teasing, "I think it's time to end this year long celibacy you've imposed upon yourself. A little romance is exactly what your heart needs."
Lucas actually choked the moment the word 'celibacy' went flying out of Haley's mouth. Coughing and waving away the glass of water Haley was offering him, he finally sputtered out, "What are you talking about?"
Taking a long, slow sip from her glass, Haley suggestively waggled her eyebrows at him, "Lucas Scott, I think you know exactly what, or rather who, I'm talking about." She added a sultry wink.
"No I don't. And for the record, you're really starting to scare me, Haley."
"Shall I just blurt out her name?" Haley asked, her smirk growing larger by the minute. "'Cause I know her name. Do you?"
"Who's name?"
"Ow, c'mmon Luke, you really wanna play this game? You know that I know when there's a girl that you like."
"You're wrong. There is no girl."
Of course, Haley, being Haley, was absolutely right.
Lucas saw her first during the annual trip to Lake Tahoe in the Winter. And he knows her name too: Brooke Davis.
He remembers seeing her for the first time, surrounded by snow. Everything is white, clean, and crisp and there she stood in the middle, bundled up in gray and pink and in the midst of all that flawless, never-ending white… she was even more perfect than the snow. She looked so alive, and real, her skin flushed, rosy colored, her eyes dark. Darker than any shade Lucas had ever seen. She had a cup of warm coffee – the spicy scent of caffeine filling up the air. She had looked up at him, smiled and said: 'Hey'
And, well, that was it for Lucas.
"It's just a harmless crush." He'd told Haley, ignoring the warm, burning feeling spreading all over his face. He couldn't remember ever blushing just because of a girl. He had dated in high school. Nothing serious. Except for Anna, although even that didn't last as long as he would've liked and he secretly felt somewhat relieved that it didn't. He didn't understand then, why he felt that way for someone he had been dating for almost a year and he didn't understand now, why a complete stranger would hold his interest for such a long time.
"Harmless. Hah. Lucas, you like her."
"I do not!"
He did. Like her. Like, really, really like her. He'd always had a thing with brunettes. And girls with dimples. She always looked so put together. Never a hair out of place. He'd never seen her wear an outfit twice and yes, he had watched her for that long to actually start making a graph on how often she'd wear skirts versus tight fitting jeans.
Over the course of their dinner, after about three glasses of wine, Lucas finally, grudgingly admitted his current state of pathetic-ness, which Haley argued, isn't even a word to begin with.
Anyway, Brooke Davis was quite popular. Actually, is popular, period. She was a cheerleader and was therefore, as required by some sort of universal law, always surrounded by jocks. She was always at her Sorority House, hosting parties. And suddenly, it was like Lucas was back in high school. Or more like he was back to being a love sick, teen aged high school boy.
He'd watch her from a far, trying to figure out exactly why the mere sight of her would tug at his heart. Well, tug was putting it quite mildly. Every time he'd see her, it felt like he was on the verge of having an honest to goodness, life threatening heart attack. His heart would race so fast, he'd have a hard time catching his breath.
But Lucas didn't know her. He didn't even have an idea of who she is, what she's like. He didn't know what movies she liked, or the kind of music she listened to. If she had any siblings, or if her parents we're living with her. If she's even from here. If she's like him, someone from a small town, North Carolina.
And yet, even with all the things that he didn't know about her, there was still something familiar with her. Achingly so. But he couldn't place his vague, fuzzy memory of hers. Or maybe, Lucas thinks, he's just making it all up, so that somehow he can be connected to her. They've never talked. Never shared anything, except maybe the air they were both breathing and even that piddling, little thing made him somewhat happy.
He'd always planned on saying 'Hi' to her whenever he'd pass her by the hallways or at the student center. Even after games. But he'd always choke on that one little word. Just two letters actually and yet, it was so hard to open his mouth whenever she's within hearing shot. Lucas was deathly afraid that he'd say something stupid and she'd laugh that amazingly, sexy, loud laugh of hers.
The things that Lucas came to know, it was from all the time he spent discreetly stalking her, aside from her laughing loudly, freely, she's the same age as he was (Haley's younger than him by a year - she was too smart, she had to skip one grade). She's taking up a business course. She was active with cheerleading. With anything and everything related to sports. Basketball to be exact. She looked absolutely hot as hell when she's wearing red. And she has the sexiest, smoky voice he had ever heard in all of his life. Whenever he'd hear her say something, he'd feel a tingle all the way up to his spine and into his brain, sending jolts of electricity to his heart.
He did this the whole of sophomore year, always watching her from a far. He'd think about her often enough to get distracted in class. Actually, he was perpetually distracted, classes or no classes.
He nursed and nurtured this 'harmless crush' for a whole year – like a gardener tending to his roses – he showered Brooke Davis with everything he got, his attention, his hopes, his dreams and before he knew it, his feelings had blossomed in a full blown, romantic, painful, unrequited love. All red and clustered with thorns. And it was perfect.
Junior Year
He spent the whole summer looking forward to seeing her and dreading the months of silently, patiently watching her. He had promised himself that since they were starting Junior year, he'd concentrate on his studies and on trying to break up Damien and Haley. Anything actually, just as long as Brooke Davis wouldn't consume his every waking and sleeping hour and all hours in between that.
Which was easier said than done.
"Lucas, oh my God, seriously, when are you going to stop stalking her?" Haley would complain often enough, especially when she'd realize that they're watching a particular movie exactly because Brooke was having a date with her current boy toy, three rows in front of them. Or when she'd notice that two tables away from the restaurant Lucas had chosen for dinner was Brooke and another one of her many boyfriends. Even the library wasn't a safe place anymore.
"It's just creepy how well you know her schedule." She told Lucas in a strained whisper as they tried to study inside the library, the eight million books, all ignored by Lucas as he kept his eyes on Brooke Davis, who was intently drawing her latest fashion design with colored pens. And yes, he might have spent shameful, ungodly hours of time browsing through her Clothes over Bro's website, looking over dresses and shirts and ordering things for Haley, much to Damien's chargin.
"Haley, what kind of best friend would buy you nighties if you're not having sex!"
Unfortunately, the baseless, utterly ridiculous accusation and argument was not enough to break them up - damn! Anyway, the only reason he'd buy stuff was completely innocent enough. Well, okay, he might have been hoping that maybe, at least just once, Brooke herself would deliver his orders. And oh God, he was also painfully aware of how incredibly lame that was. Still, he had been completely in awe with how incredibly talented and perfect she was. Brooke Davis seems to be capable of doing everything and anything.
"Except getting a steady, serious boyfriend, it seems." Haley quipped, going over her music sheets.
"Hey!"
"Sorry," She looked up at him, wincing a little. "Out of line. I know. I just thought maybe that should inspire you to go over there and I don't know, blurt some speech that you're the guy for her." She picked her pen up, brandishing it like a sword, "You're good at speeches. Well, you're good at writing speeches." She paused, thoughtfully biting her lips. "Oh and yeah, stalking."
"I'm not really stalking her. I mean, not like that."
"Well, like what Lucas? Like not totally crazy and alarming. I mean, seriously, let's not wait for her to call the campus security on you." Haley let out a sigh, shaking her head. "Why couldn't you have done this freshman year? At least back then, it wouldn't look so silly. I mean, dude, just to talk her!"
Lucas had been gripping his book, his knuckles turning white. He glared at Haley. "I can't! And don't call me 'dude'."
"Why not?"
"Because, I'm your best friend and I'm not just some 'dude'.
Haley stared at him, long and hard. "Lucas, I meant why won't you talk to her?"
Lucas slumped lower in his seat, feeling strangely defeated. "Butterflies." He finally muttered.
"What?" Haley asked, exasperated.
"I get butterflies in my stomach, okay. Like a million of them. Crawling, wings fluttering. It's distracting and it makes me think of stupid things. And when I start thinking of stupid things, I can't help but say stupid things. I can't come up to her and say stupid things, cause I'm going to look really, really stupid."
Haley rolled her eyes, smiling sweetly-sadly at him. She never teased him about being a stalker and she hadn't forced him to go talk to Brooke, but sometimes, he'd catch her scrunching up her face, as though thinking up ways on how she can make him approach Brooke and he'd always curb her cunning plan by telling her, "Don't even think about it."
Senior Year
"Lucas this has gone on for far too long!" Haley told him as they huddled together at a corner, the party pulsating around them. Stanford had just beaten the crap out of Duke but Lucas wasn't especially in the mood to celebrate. Basketball and Duke and after parties. Not exactly the greatest recipe for fun. At least to him it wasn't. He had tried to avoid running into Nathan, but of course, it couldn't be helped.
Since he couldn't be playing, their high school coach, out of love and respect for him, for the way he had played during those four years in high school had hooked him up with the coaching staff and somehow, he had ended being part of the team. Just on the sidelines though.
"Isn't this, like added torture, Luke?" Haley had worriedly asked when he had told her of the news.
Of course he had vehemently denied it. If there was a way to still be part of the game that he so loved, he'd take it. He was aware that he'd feel the occasional pang, the longing, but he hadn't thought it'll be that bad. What's a little pain now and then, right?
Seeing Nathan though…not that he wasn't happy for his brother, because he was, even though Nathan wouldn't have anything to do with that happiness and pride he felt for him… well, it didn't matter anyway, Lucas was still happy for his little brother .
But the little ache from tonight's game had blossomed into something really, really, dangerously depressing and he had quickly scampered away from the gym, walking away from the euphoria of the win. When Haley had banged on his door, telling him about the after-game party he had begged off, sheepishly admitting that just wanted to go back to bed and wallow at the current pathetic state of his life.
"Luke, c'mmon, you aren't pathetic." Haley paused to glare at him, sniffling mildly at the tufts of blonde hair standing out from his head, "Well, right now you kind of are, but I promise you, you would not want to miss this one!"
Why Lucas had allowed her to dress him up and drag him to the party he'd never know, but Haley always had a way of turning his life upside down and inside out and he should have known that it had something to do with Brooke Davis.
Of course, even he couldn't not have seen it coming.
Haley James and Brooke Davis didn't belong in the same circle of friends; in fact, they could have been living in different galaxies, as far as the social crowd that they belonged was concerned, but somehow Haley had found out from a friend of a friend of a friend that Brooke and Lucas actually have one thing in common: Tree Hill.
She had approached Brooke, because Lucas just couldn't quite do it himself and she had been wonderfully surprised to find out that Brooke was just a regular girl: funny and sweet and smart, although, prone to occasional fits of vanity. But that was fine, Lucas wouldn't admit it, but he spends a ridiculous amount of time styling his hair.
Haley wasn't exactly trying to play matchmaker, she just wanted to give Lucas the extra push. It wasn't like he never dated. He did and for a while, he even had Haley convinced that this was the girl.
Lindsey happened at the start of their senior year. She was incredibly smart, beautiful, funny and kind. Lucas often thought that she looked like those models in classical painting: strong features, not like the delicate, gentle girlishness of Haley's face. There was an obvious fierceness in her that intrigued him. It was her eyes that had drawn him in and he could spend hours and hours sitting with her quietly reading a book and every so often, glancing up to admire her face. There was a certain sweetness to it, an openness that made him smile and want to touch her and kiss. It was a total turn on that she knew more about books than him and she could easily school him when it comes to literature.
He was absolutely enthralled with her. They had so many things in common, it felt so natural when they started going out. There were dates and nights spent together. He wasn't a prude and he was a guy. He has his needs, but it wasn't something that he actively pursued just for the sake of meeting those needs. It had to mean something. Lucas had never understood the point of random hookups. It all seemed sad and awkward and pointless.
He and Lindsey lasted for months, longer than he had thought possible and for a brief period it was almost like he had entirely forgotten about Brooke Davis.
That is until he realized he hadn't and that his relationship with Lindsey had become more and more about companionship and friendship. He liked her, he was attracted to her but he knew that he did not feel the same way as she did. They did not drift apart. He couldn't let that happen. He had to man up and tell her that it wasn't her fault, she was perfect. His mother would have loved her. She and Haley got along well enough but his heart was not just into it. He knew this was going to hurt but he'd rather be honest than let things drag on and in the process ruin the friendship that they had built. He did not want them to end resenting each other. Bitter and distant.
Lindsey was hurt and Lucas felt bad but she understood where he was coming from. She appreciated his honesty and had teased him that it would be difficult to find a guy as mature as he was. Lucas did not think it was maturity - not when he was still hiding from his real feelings.
They had both decided that a clean break was better. Maybe someday, they could become friends again, just not now. It's still a little fresh.
"You're a good guy Luke, but fresh is like, three months tops. It's been six months. And it isn't like you're sad about the break up - I mean, of course you are, but I know you're sadder that you lost your library buddy, your literary critic. And I get that. I miss her too. She was a great friend and you'd get her back, as a friend," Haley quickly added, knowing that Lucas would be quick to protest. "But you need to go back out there and just - live. Also, honestly, I am getting tired of hearing your endless laments that would usually revolve around Goethe. I mean, Luke, seriously?!"
"You know, the theme of unrequited love was probably first explored by Goethe, in 1774."
"That long ago, huh?" Haley answered, trying not to sound too disinterested. She had heard this story before; over dinner, over bottles of beer, lying in bed, watching the sky. Goethe has become some sort of obsessions. Haley knows exactly why and more importantly, where this will all eventually lead.
"The book was titled The Sorrows of Young Werther."
"Are you sure it's not Scott?"
Lucas just stared at her. "The book ended with Werther shooting himself when couldn't have the woman he loved."
Haley closed her book, giving Lucas her whole attention. "You're not going to shoot yourself, Lucas."
"Of course not! I mean, I'd be stupid to do that. I just… I thought, I would kind of know how Werther must have felt like, you know. It must be real awful to love someone and not be loved back in return."
"I agree. But that's not the interesting fact about the novel. You're forgetting the after the release of said book, the suicide rate rose and the book had to be banned."
Lucas rolled his eyes. "People are silly; no one would kill themselves just because they read it from a book."
"So, you've read the book?"
Lucas glanced at her. "Well, no. Not yet."
"If I see you reading that book, I'm going to get you banned from the library."
"You would not do that!"
"Oh, don't tempt me, Scott."
And as light as the conversation had been, Haley remembered how incredibly forlorn Lucas had sounded. He won't actually make any attempts at ending his own life, she was pretty sure Lucas wouldn't do something as drastic as that, it's just that, well Lucas had a penchant for being a martyr, suffering silently and all that bleeding heart stuff. She wasn't going to let that happen.
Haley had been trying to figure out a way on how she could tell him that she actually kind of know Brooke Davis and she can maybe help him change the course of his possibly ill-fated, tragic love story - oh, the woes of unrequited love - she didn't actually have a plan, not even a time line as she wanted it to be as spontaneous as possible. And really, she was still sort of waiting and hoping for Lucas to finally gather up enough courage to make a move already, because, even guys like him have limits too! At least that was what she had been counting on. But after the game, when she saw that sad, lost look on Lucas face as he quickly exited the gym, shoulders slumped and head down, the picture of defeat, she knew she had to do something.
It had literally broken her heart to see that side of Lucas again. It was like seeing the little boy Lucas all over again. It wasn't fair. He deserved to get all the happiness in the world. And as his best friend, it was her duty to be brave when Lucas can't be brave for himself. So here they are, in the midst of a mad, raving party, out to conquer the allure of the silent-shadow called love, as Lucas had so poetically termed it one caffeine-laced morning, when it became pretty obvious to both of them that Brooke Davis was his muse.
It had come to this. Of course, Haley would have wanted it to be less... chaotic, more along the candle-lit dinner or a walk across the campus. Lucas thrived on romance and not on the current pandemonium going around them. It's definitely not helping his nerves. Haley can tell, cringing at the way Lucas was sporadically clenching and unclenching his fists. Haley had never thought that trying to calm Lucas down could be such a challenge as furiously he glared at, like she was some sort of vile, wicked enemy. And God help her, she was becoming overly-dramatic as Lucas. It must be contagious.
"Butterflies. Haley. A gazillion of them. I have a butterfly farm inside my stomach. A freakin' swarm of butterflies!" He helplessly gestured over to the couch occupied by Brooke and her friends.
Tonight, she was wearing a red hot dress, the curve of her waist a silent, eloquent invitation. The deep cleavage enticing, mouth-watering (hey, he still has those raging hormones, too). Her temptingly red lips were moving in a dizzyingly slow, sexy manner. Her laughter, her smoky eyes…they were all designed to make his heart go nuts.
"I can't do this." Lucas announced in a slightly panicked voice, backing out of the room. "I mean look at her, she's like, she's not going to even notice me. She'll be like, 'huh'? And it'll be embarrassing Haley. I would never be able to show my face to her." He'd never been a rambler before. That was Haley. He was clearly nervous. Beyond nervous actually. Like near puking.
Biting her lips, Haley firmly placed her palms against Lucas's back, pushing him forward, wincing as he practically stumbled. She had to hold on to him to prevent him from ending up sprawled on the floor. She must not show mercy. In the end, Lucas will thank her for this. "Lucas, just approach her." Haley told him through gritted teeth. "Or, we can approach her together and I can introduce you to her."
"You're kidding me, right?" He asked her, his blue eyes suddenly becoming huge, bright. Dilated. "Haley if you do that, I am never going to forgive you."
Giving up, Haley threw her hands in the air. "Well, fine. If it's going to be the cause of the end of our friendship-" Haley started to stomp away from Lucas who quickly grabbed her arms, muttering unintelligibly.
He gave her a measured look before finally relenting. "Okay. Fine. Just... you say my name and then we split."
"How is she supposed to remember you?"
"She's not. That the point. Just a vague recollection of my face or something."
Haley rolled her eyes before taking Lucas's clammy, sweaty hands. "C'mmon, then, heart of a lion."
The old nickname must have calmed Lucas down. A bit. Since Haley half expected she'd have to drag him kicking and squirming. Instead, when she glanced at him, he looked calm enough. The boyish nervousness only serving to make him look charming.
Now dear God, please just don't let him say anything about butterflies.
They wordlessly made their way through the crowd, heading straight towards Lucas's red, red rose. In truth, the total time it took them to finally stand just a foot away from Brooke Davis was less than three minutes, but to Lucas it was three lifetimes over and everything was just moving in slow motion, the faces around them dissolving into shadows, the furious, relentless music had somehow died down. He felt as though as he was walking through thick mud and the only thing he could think of was, he really was going to do strangle Haley for this.
He'd never been able to actually recall what Haley told Brooke and how she had gotten Brooke to look at him. She might have said something along the lines of "And this is my best friend, Lucas Scott." or maybe even, "And this is the guy who's been stalking you since Sophomore Year." All he could remember was watching Brooke slowly turn her head towards him: her wonderfully, inviting red smile, her incredibly dark eyes, all directed at him.
When Lucas finally reached out his hands to shake Brooke's, her first words were, "Lucas. I remember you."
He knew then that he was going to love this girl forever.
"You do?"
She smiled gloriously at him, if not a little shyly and Lucas had practically seen every expression on her face, and this was the first time he caught a glimpse of a little girl smile. Sweet and innocent.
"That winter in Lake Tahoe. You we're standing outside, staring at the snow and I came over and said 'Hey.'" She giggled softly, eyes twinkling merrily, "Of course, you probably don't remember me from then but…"
"I do. I remember. I remember everything from that moment."
And that was how it had come to be: Haley James introducing Lucas Scott to the love of his life, Brooke Davis.