Author's note: Thank you so much for your patience and all of your wonderful reviews. It has really motivated me to keep on writing this and to see this to its end.

Nineteen

Nathan almost missed the exit for Oak Lake. It isn't the same, driving here at night, when everything is unfamiliar, dark shadows and buildings he does not recognize. He'd only played a few times at Oak Lake High; they were not in the same bracket. Plus, he'd always the taken the bus for away games for the simple reason that he could avoid long drives with Dan.

It was never fun, sitting through Dan trying to go over the many plays he had created. Not even Coach Whitey did that. And Coach Whitey would have blown a fuse if he had found out that Dan devised his own plays and would pressure Nathan to follow it instead of what the team had practiced.

People thought Nathan's main goal in life was to win basketball games. No. His number priority was to avoid bloodbath at all cost. Not the kind of thing seventeen year old boys should have been worrying about, but that was his life.

Game Days were always filled with tension that was given. But Oak Lake games were another level altogether. For one, Oak Lake was a great team, they were evenly matched. It did not help that on his senior year, Luacas had become co-captain with West. It was another reason why Nathan had always sat at the back of the bus, mentally preparing himself for what he knew was a battle of not just basketball skills, but something bigger.

At least to him it had always been about proving himself. He was not sure how Lucas felt about it. He'd never seen Lucas be overly zealous, not once had he heard Lucas demanding for the ball. In fact, every time they played against each other, it seemed as though Lucas barely cared. Nathan remembering being pissed by Lucas's attitude. It wasn't about him of course but Nathan could not help but feel that Lucas held back because he had to. Either because he was trying to keep an even lower profile than was possible or because he thought so little of his younger brother that he could not be bothered.

This made Nathan all the more determined to get all the points, all the rebounds, the steals, the assists, the last winning shot. He wanted to show off, he wanted everyone in Oak Lake to remember his name. He wanted them to know that he was the better son and that it why Dan had chosen him.

Looking back now, it was obvious that it was all inside his head. This rivalry between him and Lucas, it was never there. It didn't exist. It was just his ego. No one cared about that. No one except Damien West that is.

Oak Lake is a huge town. Its population triple the size of Tree Hill – it wasn't even a basketball town. They Lions were good, but their football team was even better. Few people in Oak Lake probably knew about Lucas's real dad or his half-brother playing for the other team. It wasn't some fun fact mentioned in game commentaries. Even when Oak Lake played in Tree Hill, the highlighted rivalry was between him and Damien West. Why would people talk about Dan Scott's bastard son when his actual son, captain and star player of the Ravens was having a side court brawl with West?

Nathan had wasted all those year driving himself to his very limit, trying to be the best and there had never been any competition. Not in Lucas's eyes, anyway.

He shakes his head. He had always told himself that what Lucas thought about him did not matter. In the end, it was all that should have mattered and he had been too young, too foolish, to filled with pride to have ever realized it.

"Why the fuck did we never bothered to talk to each other?" He asked out loud, wondering at this startling revelation. "Was it because of Dan? Or because were both too terrified to be rejected? Was that it, huh?" Nathan fights the urge to be angry and resentful. It could not be all on him or on Lucas or on Dan or even their moms and Keith. It was all on them. No one tried hard enough. No one wanted to be the first to usher in peace between the two worlds that Dan had effectively split in the middle.

"Sorry, man." Nathan mumbles, throat aching. "We should have been better. I know that now. So help me out here. Help me be better. Help me, Lucas."

Nathan doesn't really know exactly what kind of help he was asking but he knew he needed something. A change in the way he had been living his life. A better dream to dream – no, a new reason to dream, to believe, to want things again and to know that he deserves them. Happiness and family and love.

Haley.

"Please." Nathan mutters, driving past Karen's Café, now closed, shades drawn down, dark and empty. He briefly hopes that Karen had Keith with her. They need each other now, more than ever. Pushing them out of his mind, he concentrates on driving into the heart of Oak Lake, Lucas's home.

He remembers Haley's address, but even before he arrived, he already knows she won't be there. How? It's impossible to tell. There's just something inside of him that couldn't feel her. It's strange and he isn't smart enough to even try to explain it but he knows how he feels. He's been acting purely on instinct now and he isn't about to question it.

Still he parks his car, thunders up the stairs, taking two steps at the time. Nathan doesn't pause to think about what he is about to do or what he'll have to say. He raises his hand, knocks on her door and listens, craning his neck, trying to take a peek on her curtained windows. "Please, please please." It's a strange prayer, but it falls on his lips, unbidden and he thinks if he wants it badly, if he hopes for it like never before, he can find her. He will find her.

Haley.

The door swings open and he jerks in surprise, placing himself firmly on the doorway.

Peyton glares at him and his face might have clearly showed his disappointment because she adds a glower, her green eyes flashing. "What the hell are you doing Nathan?"

"Did you tell her?" He demands in a voice that didn't seem to belong to him. It's all choked up and shaky. He clears his throat, tries again. "Is Haley mad? I didn't mean to – I just need to – please, she has to understand."

"You are not making any sense, Nathan. What is wrong with you?" Peyton takes a step closer, sniffing. "Are you drunk?"

Drunk? Nathan clenches his fist on his sides, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Haley. I didn't tell her the truth about Lucas. I don't know why – I mean," he mirrors Peyton rolling her eyes. "I know why. You think I was proud of how much of a jackass I had been? But I want to do the right thing. For once. I want to do the right thing, Peyt. And I am not drunk."

Peyton gives him a long, hard look. Her expression is unreadable and Nathan feels like a rubber band being slowly, slowly stretched and it won't take much for him to snap. He opens his mouth, already feeling the small burn of familiar irritation but before he can say anything, something changes in Peyton's expression.

The softness that she tries to hide briefly flashes on her face and Nathan remembers exactly why he had been attracted to her – that vulnerability that Peyton hates, that she tries to deny – it was a reflection of his own stupid pride. He feels his shoulder dropping, the tension in his body relaxing for a fraction.

"Oh, Nathan." Peyton sighs softly, shaking her head.

Nathan knows that look. It's the look Peyton used to give him when they both know he's about to do something really dumb. He shakes his head. "No. Peyton. Don't."

Peyton is shaking her head. "I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, Haley's already been through a lot, Nathan. A lot."

"I know that!" He shoves his hand through his hair. "Look, I can't explain it. I don't know how to, okay? But I know I have to find her. I need to." He is almost pleading now but he does not care. There are few moments in his life when he feels a strong desire to do something not because it went directly against what Dan wanted or because it'll make his basketball dreams come true. This is solely for him. The heart wants what it wants, it does not demand logic. It demands to act now.

He takes a deep breath, steadying himself. He knows how important this is and he isn't just going to back away so easily.

Peyton tilts her head up, meeting his eyes. How many times have they stood like this? Too many? Not enough for it to matter? He watches as she brings her hand up, as though to touch him – but she changes her mind. Instead, she wraps her arms around her body. "You already know where she is."

Nathan blinks. And it clicks inside his mind. Of course.

Lucas.

He sees her standing a few feet from the cemetery gates. There is no car anywhere near her and Nathan winces at the thought that she had walked all the way here. What the fuck was wrong with Peyton, letting Haley go out in this state?! Nathan lets the surge of protectiveness wash over him, he needs to familiarize himself with it. This will be constant thing. The need to make sure that she is safe and taken care of. Never unhappy. Always loved.

Nathan swallows hard, silently accepting that challenge. Yes. Let me do all of that. Let me try at least. He takes a small step towards her, eyes adjusting to the darkness and suddenly, he feels it, senses it, smells it: that static electricity; the scent of something earthy and musky, sharp and fresh. Something hanging in the air. Something heavy and heady. It fills everything around them.

It's going to rain, he thinks, glancing up at the starless sky. From the summer blue of this morning to this relentless darkness. Nathan is unnerved by this realization – of how quickly things can change and he thinks it can't be a good sign, but he's here now and there's no way he's going to walk away from this. From her.

Now or never, Scott. Don't brick it.

There's not enough light from the street lamps but he sees the outline of her shoulders hunched and tense. The dim orange light seems to have stolen her halo. She's so tiny. Everything seems to be towering over her. If he stands shoulder to shoulder to her, the top of her head would barely reach his jaws.

The steel gates, intricate leaves and arches and curves, are painted black. It's like a black outline drawn against a black shadow. It's unnerving, especially in the silence that surrounded them. He did not want to startle her, so he clears his throat and softy calls her name: "Haley."

Too soft. Barely above a whisper. He calls her again. The way the syllables of her name teases the insides of his mouth, it makes him shudder and shiver.

This time, she hears him. Nathan watches as Haley hugs herself, the cardigan she had hastily thrown over her looked flimsy and light, not enough to warm her. "I get so easily spooked." Haley starts, angling her head to the side to briefly look at him before slowly turning back to stare at the closed gates. She lets out a small, indelicate snort. "Lucas liked to scare me sometimes. He'd insist on taking stupid shortcuts. Shorcuts that required going through cemeteries. He'd walk ahead and hide and wait for me and jump out from his hiding place. I think I broke his nose one time."

"Guess he deserves that." Nathan ambles towards her. He feels nervous. Keyed-up. He makes it a point to stand a few inches away from her. Enough to see her face but not to touch any part of her. Too soon. Too dangerous.

Haley lets out a sigh that sounded like it had come from the very bottom of her soul. "I just miss him so much." She turns towards him and Nathan is left without a choice but to look at her full-on. There are no tear stains, but the pain etched on her face is clear enough, it clenches at Nathan's heart. "Will it get better?"

"Sometimes." This is also a murmured admission on his part because he had been lying to himself and to everyone around him all these time. How many times had he told anyone who had checked up on him that he was fine? That it was getting better? That he was getting there – to wherever it was that wasn't filled with pain and the constant startling realization that his father is gone. He clenches his jaws and finds the words for her without the lie. "Some days are almost near okay. Some days are worst and you just want to lie down forever and never ever get up."

Haley blows out a small breath, her lips pursing before she clamps them together, pressing hard. She's trying not to cry and Nathan didn't want to watch the struggle on her face. They stand for a few minutes in complete silence before she breaks it with the question that he dreads the most: "Nathan, why are you here?"

He'll have to start from the very beginning and so he takes a deep breath and then the confession starts. "I'm... my Dad, he died of HCM."

"Like Lucas." Her voice is soft, sympathetic but there's really no question there. Nathan is too anxious to catch on to that, or at least hold that thought long enough for it to bother him. This was not how he had planned on starting the whole sordid conversation with Haley. He had made a reasonable outline of how he was going to present his side of the story and starting it with Dan's death was not part of that plan.

And now, everything is all muddled up inside his head and he's suddenly scared that he's going to screw this up like had screwed up everything in his life. That he will revert to being defensive and angry. It's just the absolute worst case scenario. He swallows hard, grasping for the right words. He takes a quick glance at Haley, who has now twisted her body so she was facing him. Too close and yet Nathan could not move away. Instead, he shoves both hands inside the pockets of his jeans, his fingers nervously clenching and unclenching. "Yeah. A year ago."

There. That wasn't so bad.

"And?" There's a sharpness in her voice now and something small and terrifying stirs inside his chest, he imagines hearing the click of claws being unsheathed and somewhere at the back of his mind, it's becoming abundantly clear - but no. He refuses to acknowledge that fear.

Just keep going. No matter what, just keep on going. Don't stop now.

Nathan closes his eyes. The truth. Nothing but. Everything. Even the ugly things that he had felt and had dwelt inside the corners of his mind. "And when he died, I was so angry at him because it felt like he took everything from me. Basketball was his dream and suddenly he's no longer here and I don't have a dream anymore."

He stops, bites his lips and shakes his head. He looks at Haley, her face hidden in his own shadow as he towers over her. He steps back a little, if only to give her back her light, revealing the gentleness in her eyes, her mouth slightly parted, waiting for him to finish what he has to say, trying to understand him.

"No. That's not true. It was still my dream. And my dad dying did not take that away from me. I took it away. I rejected it not just because I got injured but because I felt like I had betrayed the game that had given me so much."

"But you love playing."

"I do. God, I do. But I think I played mostly because of him. For him. And it feels… I feel like a fraud."

"You were mourning your father. It's grief." Haley takes a tentative step towards him. Too afraid of what her touch would do to him, Nathan stiffens and flinches. Haley must have seen it or felt it, because she took two steps back.

"It was an excuse. Grief. I mean, yeah sure. Maybe there's that too. But it's not - I've stepped out of Dan's shadow, I'm no longer just his son who also happened to play ball. But I've always – a part of me has always wondered if there's something else that I could be great at. Not just basketball. Not something that has been given to me since I was a child. I didn't have a choice. Not really. Not when that was how I grew up. Everything had always been centered on basketball."

Haley winces up at him, her whole face tilted up as she patiently listened. "And when my father died – I was –" Impossible to put into words how he felt - he had been sad. Devastated. Like a part of him had died too. But also, he felt free.

How could he explain that to her? Nathan lets out a frustrated sigh. "I thought, this is it. I can quit. I can stop and try to figure out me without Dan or basketball. So I did it. I quit. But then I realized that it wasn't even about that at all." Nathan stops to catch his breath. He hasn't said so much about his father, he hasn't even tried to understand what he felt but now, tonight, with Haley, words were rushing out faster than he could grasp at them. He couldn't stop himself. He's torn between wanting to clamp his mouth shut before he tells her things he might regret later and just letting everything out.

Strange how it easy this seems to be. Offering the truth to a complete stranger. A girl he had just met this morning. A girl who makes him feel like he had known her all his life. Or at least maybe, from another lifetime. Like she was a missing piece inside of him and now, everything just sort of clicked into place.

"Nathan, you don't have to -"

He shakes his head. "No. It's okay. I do. I have to." If he stops now, he'd lose these thoughts, these words. "My relationship with my father was complicated. He was both the best and the worst – and for the longest time I had always thought – I had convinced myself, that I'm good enough, that I'm better than him and I can do anything I wanted without him but when he died, well, turns out I needed him more than I had wanted to admit."

There it was. The truth. He cringes at the silence that surrounds them. He can only concentrate on Haley's eyes – which had gotten darker, a deeper shade of brown. He swallow hard. "I didn't want to lose my dad. No matter how difficult our relationship had been, he's still my father and yeah, he's a jackass, but I love him. And I miss and I feel lost without him. Suddenly not having him, not having a dad, it's was overwhelming."

Haley's face crumples and Nathan is surprised at how he has to stop himself from grabbing her and crushing her to him. He wants so badly to comfort her – because, goddammit, he's turned it all about him when she's the one grieving. He hadn't meant to give her anymore reason to be upset.

She holds out a hand, stopping him from taking a step towards her. Her head is bent, a curtain of her hair falling around her. Her other hand is pinching the bridge of her nose. She takes a deep breath before squaring her shoulder. She looks at him, straight in the eye and something in her face hardens just a little bit. "I think Lucas felt the same way too."

Nathan feels his stomach dropping. His breath hitches and suddenly he can't breathe at all. He blinks at her. "What are you talking about?"

"About your father. Dan. Lucas felt the same way about him."

"What?"

Haley looks away, bites her lips and shoves her hand through her hair. She brings her half closed fist underneath her jaw, as though forcing herself to meet his eyes. She shakes her head, sadly. There is nothing but pure misery in her eyes as she made her own confession. Her voice is soft, softer than the first few tentative drops of the incoming rain. "C'mmon, Nathan, I'm not stupid."

It sinks in. The way she's looking at him now and maybe – maybe he had known all this time. Or a part of him had guessed it. Had understood it. That they were doing some strange dance to a music only they could hear and now, the crashing end of that nameless song has fallen around them.

Truth for truth.

It starts to lightly drizzle, but they both ignore it.

"I know." Was the only reply he can come up and it seems fitting because it answers everything.

Haley sniffs and bites her lips, looking past his shoulder, jaws moving as she grinds her teeth. She crosses her arms protectively around her. "Then were you planning on ever telling me?"

"Yes." He snaps at her and then realizes that he hadn't told her, actually. "I mean. No. Not at first, I didn't want to tell you."

"So is that why you're here? To tell me that Lucas is your brother."

"Half-brother." Nathan corrects, borne out of habit, more than anything else.

Haley sends him a glare. "Big difference, huh?"

"And what about you?" Nathan couldn't help but feel angry too. Why had he not realized this sooner? How could he have been so blind? And so stupid. "What you just played along, see what sort of a jerk I am?" The bitterness in his voice almost made Haley jump and briefly, he regrets it, but he can't help but feel defensive. "Did I live up to the expectation?" He asks, sneering at her.

By now, the drizzle has turned into a full-fledge rain shower and fat droplets are falling on them, plonking on Haley's face, like tears dropping on her cheeks. And because she looks impossibly more beautiful than ever and because he knows he can't ever, ever have her now, he throws in the towel, together with what remained of his already broken heart. "I hope I didn't disappoint you."

Haley does not back down. She does not turn away from him in disgust, does not even agree with him at all. She takes a step towards him, eyes flashing. "Just this very second actually. Up until the last minute before you've just said that, I was thinking 'I wish Lucas had gotten to know you.' He would've been proud of you." Haley blinks up at him, lashes wet and dark, sweeping against the skin under her eyes "You've been nothing but kind to me."

Nathan shrugs. Why is she making this even more difficult? This was hopeless. "I guess he never told you how I used to spit on the ground he walked on. How I always tried to get in an elbow to his ribs whenever I could. How I used to tell him that he's nothing but stain in the bedsheet. I didn't want you to know about any of that." He paused, reading the expression on Haley's face. "But you do, don't you?"

"Luke tells me everything."

Horrified, Nathan stumbles back. "Well, shit." The rain is pounding on them now and Nathan knows this is how it will all end. In wet, cold, misery.

"Nathan..."

It was his turn to ask her. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You would've walked away!" Haley throws her hand on the side, the soaked sleeves of her cardigan sticking to her skin, a small arc of water following her movement. "I saw it on your face when we were talking in Lucas's room. Tell me the truth, if I had said something back then would you have stayed?"

Nathan doesn't answer. "Why does it matter?" He sadly mumbles, not really caring if the rain was pelting his face. If he suddenly starts crying, at least she wouldn't know. He bites his lips hard and tells himself that he will definitely not start crying.

"Because I wanted you to stay! I needed you stay!"

The impassioned declaration throws him off. But Nathan is done getting his hopes up. He licks his lips, rainwater dribbling down his chin. Where the fuck is this rain coming from?! He inanely thinks for a moment before muttering darkly, "So you could see for yourself what kind of a jackass I was?"

Haley glowers up at him. "Stop saying that."

Nathan lets out a well-practiced uncaring nod. "Why? It's true isn't?"

Haley angrily jabs a finger on his chest then quickly pulls it away. "Lucas is my bestfriend and whether you like it or not you're his brother and I don't know about you but I know that Lucas would have wanted me to give you a second chance. I wanted to give you a second chance."

Nathan is suddenly tired and confused and the accompanying lightning didn't seem to be a good sign. He isn't going to fight this anymore. He should have never come back to Oak Lake. This is clearly a massive mistake. "And you think I deserve that? A second chance?"

"What do you think?" Haley lifts up her chin, daring him to answer.

"I think…" I think you're so hot, standing in the rain like that arguing about me being a good guy and I couldn't bear it if I can't live up to your expectation.. Nathan closes his eyes, shakes his head in defeat. "I think… I'd only disappoint you."

"That's funny, I thought that's my decision to make. But, okay, fine, c'mmon, convince me why you don't deserve a second chance and I swear Nathan, I'll let you walk away and I'll never bother you again."

He didn't like the way she said never. The finality of it. "You think you know everything about me, about my family or whatever. I spent years trying to be better than Lucas, than everyone else so that my father can't throw back it my face that I was wrong the son, that I was the wrong choice."

There's only one logical reason why he's self-sabotaging and its fear – because this isn't how he had wanted to tell Haley about him. Not like this. So abruptly. In the middle of an argument and a storm! This isn't how he planned earning her trust, winning her heart. Nathan is aware of this but he can't stop himself. What is wrong with him?!

Stop being a coward.

Of course, as with everything else, it's always easier said than done. What he needs is to call a fucking time out and figure this out. Without thinking, he grabs Haley by the arm, wordlessly pulling her to his side and walking almost blindly towards his car.

Lightning flashes again as Haley yanks her arm from his hold. "What are you doing?"

"We're soaked. We're going to get hit by lighting. And I can't believe this is happening." Nathan grits out, looking up at the sky, trying not to entirely lose his control and do something much, much more drastic.

Like maybe kiss her.

Because how could she still want to give him a second chance after everything that she knows he had done. Impossible. Completely unreasonable. It's fucking insane is what it is and he didn't think his heart would be able to take if Haley was doing this out of pity. Or some strange best friend pact she'd made with Lucas.

Take care of my little brother for me when I die. He's a miserable ass. Promise me that you will, Haley.

Nathan winces at thought. He opens the door and when Haley refused to move, he is forced to not so gently shove her inside. It's for her own good. He ignores her protests as closes the door and then dumbly stands in the rain.

Well, now what? Being inside a small enclosed space with her, with emotions running high suddenly didn't seem like such a bright idea. Nathan notices the car window rolling down, Haley's face scowling at him. "Nathan. Get in. Right now."

Did he have any other choice when she said it like that? Of course not. Feeling all sorts of numb and wet, and nervous and pissed off, Nathan clambers up the driver side, shutting the door with an impressive slam.

They were both breathing loudly, almost in tune with the staccato sound of the rain hitting the car. Hands shaking, praying that Haley wouldn't notice, he wordless turns the heater on, warm air blessedly blasting them.

"Where in God's name is this rain coming from?!" Haley asks in exasperation, echoing his earlier thought. She starts to wring her hair dry and Nathan is fascinated by her jerky, angry movements. He had thought her soft and gentle, delicate but he's never seen anyone as fierce as her. It's - it's a definite turn on.

When she notices him watching her, she mutters an apology, realizing that she's probably ruining his leather car seats.

"I don't care about that." Nathan mumbles, leaning back to grab his ever ready gym bag. Towels. To dry them off and cover up the way her yellow dress is clinging to her body and the way he was reacting to it.

Distracting. Dangerous.

He hands Haley a towel and for himself, an old practice shirt. They both silently kept themselves busy trying to get dry. It was a lost cause. Every time he moves, his shoes would make wet, embarrassing squelching sounds. He tried to remember where they had stopped at their shouting match.

He was saying he was jerk and she should forget about him. God. Nathan wants to smack himself. This is why he hates being angry. He gets defensive and then feels guilty for being defensive, so he gets aggressive and then says the dumbest shit.

"I'm sorry." They both mumble at the same time, eyes straight ahead, trying to figure out the blurred trees and shadows moving outside. Then, realizing how incredibly silly that was, they turned their heads to look at each other. They apologized again, grimacing at each other.

After a few more minutes, Haley finally twists her body, pulling her knees up so that she could face him. Nathan is too tall to fold his knees so, he places his two hands on the steering wheel, because he does not know what else he could do with them. He glances at Haley, waiting for her to say something.

"Nathan, I can't begin to imagine what you've gone through. And I'm sorry for that, I am. But you're forgetting that Lucas went through it as well." Haley's voice had gone back to being calm and almost gentle. She still sounded frustrated, clearly not having wholly forgotten their argument. Which was probably for the best.

He wants her. He still wants her. But not like this. Not tainted with the knowledge that she knew every single pain he had caused Lucas. There's just no redemption from that. Right?

"Well I'm not perfect like him, okay? I didn't turn the other cheek or walked away. I dealt with it by being a complete and utter bastard, which you already know, so I won't go into details about that anymore."

And this is what's pissing him off. Even if Nathan had meant to tell Haley the truth, he didn't plan on giving her the excruciating specifics. That she already knows – he squirms in dismay at just how much Lucas had told about him.

Nathan also feels oddly irritated at his brother for giving Haley this unfair upper hand. He knows almost next to nothing about Haley. To him, she's pure and perfect and okay, she gets angry really fast and for someone as tiny as her, she can be quite intimidating – but she knows all the immature, ugly side of him. He can't help but compare himself to Lucas, who seemed practically like a saint. "I am not him, Haley."

"I'm not saying you are. Or that you need to be!" Haley's infuriated tone perfectly matches his own feelings.

Nathan lets out a sigh. "Well who do you want me to be?"

"The guy who made sure I wasn't alone inside Lucas's room; who patiently taught me how to shoot a basket-"

"Granny style." He grumbled, interrupting her. He sneaked a glance at her and marvelled at the way she snorted at him.

"You think I care about that?"

"Well you should. No one shoots basket like that. Unless they're like, eighty years old."

"Nathan."

"Look, I don't know what to say Haley. I wish I could be that guy. I do. I really do. But I just - I'm not even hallway being there. My life is in shambles. Today was the first time I've ever done something that wasn't for me. This is first time I've talked about Dan or Lucas and it's –" Nathan stops and bites his tongue.

And it's all just because of you. And I don't want to be your charity case or your, whatever mission for Lucas.

I want to be perfect for you.

"It's what?" Haley prompts, her eyes huge and warm.

"It's… I wish I had his life. I wish my dad...Shit. Fucking shit. I should have never gone to his stupid funeral."

Haley visibly flinches at his cursing. "Lucas never hated you, you know. He was always sorry about what happened between the two of you."

Nathan grips the steering wheel so hard, his hands started to ache. He fixes his gaze at the splotches of water running down in rivulets, branching out into different directions and then quickly being washed away. "I didn't mean to be an ass to him. I mean I did, but I was young. I was stupid and childish and I yeah, guess I did hate him." He hears Haley's sharp intake of breath. "When I was younger, every birthday wish was 'I wish I didn't have a bastard half-brother.'" He glances at Haley, desperately tried to memorize her face. "I guess it finally came true, huh?"

Haley looks as though he had struck her. Her face had become pale and then very softly, in a voice that cracked and broke, she said: "I should go."

Nathan wants to reach out to her and touch her, just for a second, but he knows he can't. He swallows the lump in his throat. "Haley, I'm – it's raining like crazy. Just, let me drive you home. Please. You don't, you don't even have to talk to me."

Haley bites her lips and wordlessly nods her head.

And then it was only the sound of rain.

-tbc-

Ah. There it is.

It's been a while, but there were a few in the comments/reviews section that had correctly guessed this and I just wanted to ask, what tipped you off? :)

Also, please don't hate Nathan. He's usually always portrayed as cocky and over confident and I just wanted him to be just a little bit insecure and confused and you know just all around angsty. Because next to jealous Nathan, angsty Nathan is my next favorite. So yes. There's a pattern with the chapters as you may have noticed, so there won't be any Naley next chapter but I promise we are really, really near the end of this sordid years in the making fic. Please kindly bear with me.

Again, much much love and thanks to everyone who is still reading this. I hope you enjoyed this update.