Arc Two: Delusional Reverie
Chapter Two: Memories

Early March

The season had finally begun to change from its wintery sheets of white to its new earth bedding. Fresh grass was reaching towards the sun and the trees had decorated their branches with their proudest greens. There was a crisp spring fragrance in the air that filled your chest with courage, much like the flowers who came to sprout.

I wish I could say quite the same thing. Since the term began, I've been feeling dizzy most nights. It could be from anxiety or perhaps I've been overworking myself. Trelawney would say I'm about to encounter certain death. I'd go to sleep... and my mind would feel blank. Like there was something that was supposed to be there but there never is. Severus suggested I take a potion to calm down my thoughts when I go to sleep but even that failed to work. It was rare that I had a single good night of sleep.

Though, last night was not one of those nights; I slept somewhat soundly. My thoughts felt gathered. Complete. The best part of it all? It was the weekend. A day of relaxation and freedom in the glorious sunshine. An idea struck my mind as I got changed into a flowing dress: a picnic. That was something I'd never done before and with a good night's rest and good weather, there was no better time.

I made my way to the school kitchens where the elves, whom I had gotten somewhat close to in my time here, worked to prepare all the meals for breakfast and dinner. If you were nice, they'll get you a little something special. Tickling the pear of the painting that leads to the entrance, I found myself in the elves' hideaway. There were tables identical to the ones in the Great Hall set out that would transport food directly where they were laid above. Dozens of tiny figures buzzed around the large room as they tried to get meals ready.

One, in particular, noticed my presence and came to approach me.

"Miss Juniper!" she cried, "It is so nice to see you again!"

"Utsy! How have you been?" I replied.

Utsy was one of the more experienced elves at Hogwarts and it showed on the stains that appeared on her toga clothes. She considered herself quite the connoisseur in a variety of dishes and cuisines. If she knew it, she could get it ready for you in a flash.

[Artwork by juniperfawnart]

"Very good, very good. It has been quite busy with the term beginning again. Utsy keeps having to remind some elves," and she glared at a rather scruffy male elf who was holding off stirring a kind of cream, "that they should be doing their work instead of slacking off."

I chuckled. Utsy always had a bit of a temper when it came to laziness. That may have been why she was so determined to get me out of my room when I was skipping meals. She couldn't stand seeing my layabout self and, admittedly, I hated that side of me too.

"But what is it that has brought you down here, Miss Juniper? Is that man giving you troubles again?" she asked worriedly as she patted my hand in sympathy. For a moment, I had forgotten how secretive Severus and I had been with our relationship. We just... forgot to tell anyone. To think it had already been over two months and we hadn't muttered a word. They must think we're such good friends!

"No, Utsy, we're seeing each other now." I admitted. Her lips upturned into a smile.

"That's marvellous! Utsy is happy you are talking once more!"

Oh god. She misunderstood. I knelt down and placed a hand on her delicate shoulder to prepare her for the shock.

"I think you have the wrong idea. It's... more than that. We're... in a relationship." Her small hands covered her mouth to hide a gasp.

"After everything he did to you? He was rather cruel, Utsy thought." I was worried about that. Utsy had heard the worst of my rambling about Severus, down to the worst pieces.

I explained to her the situation and it took her a while to be certain of my decision. In a way, she was like the mother I never had. Talking to her about the boy I have a crush on... Her giving me advice... I do need to come down to the kitchens more often to visit her.

It was then that I asked her if she could prepare a basket of food to take with me outside. More than happy, she agreed and in a few minutes, she prepared a hamper with sandwiches, biscuits and many other confectionaries. I thanked her and went on my way to see Severus.

The corridors were much emptier than they had been in their winter counterpart. The courtyards were filled with loitering students who decided to take advantage of the first sunny day of spring. However, I wouldn't be able to enjoy that feeling on my skin just yet. My destination was the Dungeons.

Swiftly, and basket in hand, I found myself outside Severus's office. I gently knocked on the door and went inside. There he was sitting at his large round desk looking rather frustrated at another essay. He was so deeply focused that he didn't notice me come in.

"That bad, huh?" I joked and he put the quill he was holding back down.

"I do not know how they come up with such nonsense." he vented and he took in my figure. "You didn't say you were coming to see me today." There was a slight smile on his face when he said that. Had he secretly been wanting to spend today together too?

I held up the basket for him to see. "I didn't realise I needed to make a reservation for your time but if that's the case, I can always go and devour this meal all by my lonesome."

A tad forcefully, he rose from his chair and took the basket from me. "Of course not." and he reached over me to reopen the door. "You look pleasant in that dress." he whispered fondly into my ear.

"Only "pleasant"? To think I was worth more than that." I teased and raised an eyebrow at him expectantly.

"Don't push my limits, Cassandra."

Together, we made our way outside to a small hill near the Great Lake near where I had met the student who spoke to me about Rayer Terrell previously. It was time for the sun to give its natural warmth and it felt freeing to wear lighter clothes.

"Maybe I should've brought a sunhat. What do you think?" I asked Severus as we laid out a blanket under a tall tree that gave a small amount of shade but still allowed gaps between the leaves for the sun's rays to breach through.

"It would suit you." he responded and we sat on opposite sides of the basket. Delicately, I stuck my hand inside the basket and pulled out a pair of sandwiches.

"I'm surprised you actually came out. I didn't think you'd dare come hang outside." I spoke and took a bite of my food. Utsy really was a master of the kitchen.

"I used to sit here and read when I was a student, I'll have you know." he retorted.

"Huh. I don't know a lot about your student life. It's not like I got to experience it so it would be nice to hear about it." I confessed.

Severus went stiff. An unpleasant memory flowed through his mind.

"I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?" I asked worriedly.

"No. You would learn of it sooner or later. I prefer you hear it from me directly." Severus glanced away to another spot nearby.

I feel like I've made a mistake asking. An odd chilling breeze brushed past and the sunshine became hidden by a deep grey cloud.

"Like your father," he began, "mine was also on the abusive side. To add to it, my mother was neglectful too. They fought almost constantly so I was nothing more than an afterthought to them. When I got accepted to Hogwarts, it was supposed to be a sanctuary of sorts from them but that is not how it turned out. I presume you know of James and Lily Potter?"

Who didn't know of those two? Murdered by Voldemort in their own house and their son, Harry, is the sole survivor... The Boy Who Lived.

I nodded to show confirmation, not daring to speak and interrupt him.

"Lily Evans, as she was named back then, was my first friend. I cherished her more than everything but I pushed her away due to my foolish actions." His voice became hoarse and filled with self-hatred. "James and his entourage harassed me and I said irreparable things to Lily in my anger. I do not blame her. They were my words and mine alone."

"Cassandra, when I speak of this, I do not want you to feel inferior to Lily. The truth is that I did love her. I loved her for years after we separated and even after her death. She was important to me and her loss caused me great suffering." He looked as if he was about to cry as he remembered her but it was not in his nature to appear so frail.

"Severus... I had no idea." I said as I shuffled close to him and placed my hand on top of his.

He had a new appearance on his face now. One of acceptance and care. "It is in the past now. I am sure it is not what you wanted to hear when you asked me what my time at Hogwarts was like but I did not want to lie to you."

"I do appreciate being told the truth. As you say, it was better that I heard it straight from the source." I laughed awkwardly.

The sun finally emerged from behind the large grey clouds and the Great Lake reflected a beautiful cyan.

"Maybe if I had actually gone to Hogwarts, things would've been different." I thought aloud.

Severus looked at me inquisitively. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Think about it." I poked his arm lightly. "I have no clue what house I'd have been in but maybe I could have been a Slytherin with you. We'd be a year difference but I think we could've been good friends."

"Is that what you really think?" he asked under his breath. Severus wasn't the sort for imagining another reality but this time, maybe it was worth it.

"Yeah! You'd probably think of me as some annoying brat who keeps following you for the first few years but I'll give that James Potter hell if he points his wand at you. Nobody would dare to upset the Minister's daughter." I boasted.

"Fascinating."

"And then..." I placed a finger to my lip as I thought carefully. "Maybe in your fifth year, you'd finally take notice of me. Under this very tree, we could relax and study together. Just the two of us. What do you think?"

Severus was silent as he pondered an alternate reality. One without Lily was difficult for him to imagine but somewhere in his heart, he began to recognise it.

"It would be acceptable." he admitted with a slight sigh.

I gave him a look of surprise at his admission and burst into laughter. I could hardly contain myself.

"Something humourous?" Severus asked unable to deny the smile creeping on his lips at my happiness.

It was difficult to talk between breaths of laughter. "You... had this really... adorable front on. Sorry, sorry! How unsightly of me." I quickly recomposed myself.

I hope that days like this are plentiful. We both have our scars but this place brings so much happiness to those who seek it. It's hard to believe that before last September, I had not known any of this would be possible.

There is one thing that I do treasure from my life here; learning how to move on from the past. I never got the things most wizards and witches consider a basic right but I can't do anything to change that. However, what I can control is my future and what I do with it. With the room to grow, we determine how we blossom. Dumbledore's wisdom never was faulted with that.

A flurry of students stampeded past and broke me from my thoughts. It was a beautiful day but it certainly didn't seem like the occasion to be running about frantically. Upon further inspection as more dashed past, they didn't seem to be doing it for peaceful reasons. I gave a look to Severus and we went to identify the problem.

"Professor Snape!" one seventh-year Slytherin boy called out and bought our attention. Okay, I really am invisible to Slytherins.

"What is going on? Why are you running around with no regard to your surroundings?" Snape interrogated, folding his arms in displeasure.

"It's in the Grand Staircase, sir! The portraits... They've been ruined!" he yelled in a mild frenzy. "Who would do such a thing?"

"Can you show us?" I asked lightly. He didn't seem in much state to do anything.

"No way, I'm not-" and he made eye contact with Snape. "Right this way..."

His tone sure changed quickly...

At once, we made our way indoors. Looks like the rest of that picnic is going to have to wait... I hope this isn't anything serious...