Like a goddamn idiot, Castiel just stood there, completely struck by just how green those eyes were. Sure, he remembered them, they were the first thing Castiel noticed about the man, but seeing them again... And there was so much uncertainty in them, just like that night when they stood in front of Castiel's apartment and Dean offered him an out. Offered him a chance to change his mind, but at the same time, he looked so hopeful just like he was now. Question was, what was Dean hoping for?

Dean seemed to pick up on Castiel's indecisiveness in the situation he found himself in, in the situationDeanput him in, so he quickly ducked his head and wiped the smile of his face, looking away in shame. Still, no matter what happened between them, Castiel wanted to bask in those green eyes, he wanted to be seen again, so he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come. Castiel just remained standing there, with his mouth open like a goddamn idiot he was.

Thankfully, Balthazar chose that moment to exit the shelter and draw both of their intentions, stepping in their line of sight. The man paused, looked at Castiel first, then at Dean. "I'll go take these... Wash..." Dean muttered, picked up the plastic container with the dishes and headed inside. Castiel watched him go, finally taking a breath after those green eyes were out of sight, but also wishing they never left. He startled badly when he turned and found Balthazar materialized in front of him. Wasn't he like ten feet away?

"Are you alright?" The man asked, and it would have been comforting if he chose to set his hand on Castiel shoulder, and Castiel wished Balthazar ignored his aversion to be touched, but he held back respectfully.

"Why... Why is here?" Castiel whispered out, trying to tear his eyes away from the door Dean disappeared through seconds ago.

"He... He came back yesterday. Tried to apologize and said some mumble jumble about how he ate food someone else could have eaten, I don't know. He seemed really distraught and honestly? He creeped me out. But then he spoke about redeeming himself and hoping to help, and... Well, you know I don't turn away anyone willing to help..."

Dean wanted to help? He wanted to volunteer at the shelter? Cas' shelter? Well, it wasn't Castiel's, but it was one he chose to help out at, and he was starting to feel a bit comfortable there. He knew the place, he knew the people, both those that helped out and the ones that came for help. And now, Dean was there? Helping.

Castiel felt dizzy.

"You know I won't let him stay if you don't want him here." Balthazar said regretfully. It seemed as if he valued all the time and patience Castiel put into working at the shelter, and maybe even considered him... A friend? Certainly, only a friend would offer something like this? A friend would decline assistance if the person offering it hurt their friend?

Castiel confused himself sometimes.

"No, no, that's... It's okay." Castiel said snapping out of it and finally turning to face Balthazar.

"Only if you're sure." The man said and Castiel nodded.

"I'm sure." Castiel said still nodding. After all, this wasn't about him, it was never about him. It was about the people they could provide food and shelter and if Dean being here contributed to the shelter working better, faster, then it would be worth it. Right?

"I am kind of glad to hear that. With Gabriel out of town and Meg not really helping much I could use the extra hand." Balthazar said, and his words made Castiel feel a bit guilty. Not that Balthazar would ever hold it against him, but the fact is, since that night he took Dean home, he hadn't been back to the shelter to help at all, too preoccupied with his own feelings. He felt ashamed, because this wasn't supposed to be about him, yet he made it such with his pouting and aimless wandering around his apartment.

"You need another set of hands?" Castiel asked before he could think it through, and the kind smile Balthazar gave him, made him feel better. Still not about him.

"Always."

"Where do you need me?"

"Um... Well, Dean is doing the dishes, so you could clear out the cafeteria, bring Dean whatever dishes there are..." There was trash that needed to be taken out, a place could use a sweeping, Castiel was already taking everything into account, taking off his coat and setting it aside to start working. Letting himself get lost in it all, he completely forgot about his problems, that now didn't even seem that important. Not when there were people around, smiling at him despite not knowing if they'll have what to eat tomorrow or a place to sleep.

Once he gathered all the remaining dishes, he carried them into the shelter, his breath hitching slightly when he saw Dean elbows deep in the water in the large sink. His shirt was rolled up, the material wrapping tightly around his firm biceps and Castiel would tell himself he was just surprised because he was so focused on his work, he forgot Dean was there. No other reason at all.

"H...Hi." He said and hated now he sounded. He wished he could have come through the door standing tall and proud and give a proper greeting, maybe make his voice a bit deeper, more masculine. He wanted to look strong and unaffected, casual even, like none of this bothered him. Because it wasn't about him.

Dean's eyes snapped up to meet his, and he gasped, probably surprised too. Not like he was swept away by the bright blue of Castiel's eyes. Cut it out, stupid overactive imagination. Still Castiel couldn't help but feel just a bit pleased when Dean stuttered with his greeting too.

"Hhhey. There. Um... Hi." Dean said and huffed a nervous laugh, his mouth dangling open as if he wanted to say more, but forgot how to, his vibrant green eyes glued to Castiel. It made him feel uncomfortable, but much less then he thought it would, and it also kind of made him feel good? Maybe? A bit?

"I got... I got a few more dishes and these two pots, you want me to..." Castiel said, but not after his hands began to cramp up under all the weight.

"Nah, no, let me..." Dean said, snapping out of his daze and taking the plastic container away from Castiel. Their fingers brushed as the item was past on, and Castiel had no idea why he noticed something like that, much less why it made him feel all tingly. Dean submerged the plates and the cups under water, while leaving the big stuff for the end. Castiel just... Stood there.

Like a goddamn idiot.

Or at least he felt like one. But Dean didn't seem to mind or notice him at all, he just dove right back in, cleaning the plates, rinsing them and setting them aside to dry.

"I'm just gonna see if Balthazar needs anything else." Castiel heard himself say, but he didn't want to leave. He should have asked if Dean needed help or if he wanted Castiel to perhaps dry the dishes and put them away. He felt so at odds with himself all of the sudden, because he wanted to stay, even if he had a feeling he should go.

"Cas..." Dean's words stopped him dead in his tracks just as he turned around to leave. He took a deep breath and dared to glance back at those big greens. "I just... I am sorry."

There. That's why a part of him wanted to bolt out of there, like it knew Dean was going to remind him of everything. Of the hurt he felt, of how he spent a great evening with someone who turned out to be someone else. Of how those kind green eyes weren't supposed to go along with that face. Of how they betrayed him.

But it wasn't about him, it wasn't supposed to be about him. If it wasn't about him, then he could accept Dean being there, because he was doing good work. He wasn't doing this for Castiel.

But what if he was? Why would that have to be wrong? Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons was still doing the right thing? Right?

Castiel felt dizzy.

"I..." Dean started, but must have seen Castiel's shoulders tense up, because he changed course. "I hope you don't mind that I decided to work here? If it bothers you, I can always go find another shelter to help out."

"No, no... It's... Um... It's fine." Castiel's rushed to say. This was not about him. It was about the shelter and the people and they needed more help and Dean wanted to help. Easy as that. Dean nodded, giving Cas a quizzical look before focusing back on his task. Hopefully he sensed that Castiel didn't want to talk about what had happened and would drop the matter.

Castiel spent three more hours in the shelter, talking to people, cleaning, handing out fresh cleaned blankets and toiletries. It was about that time that he felt his stomach grumble. He stopped and frowned, and considered the time. It was close to 4 PM and he realized he hadn't eaten anything today. He was just about to reach and check his wallet, to see how much cash he had and what he could buy when Balthazar called him over. It seemed as though Meg was being more difficult then usual so the man asked if Castiel would help him out in the kitchen.

Normally, Balthazar and Alfie did all the cooking, and Meg helped out by chopping vegetables or pealing potatoes, but she was grumpy all day long, throwing Dean dirty looks whenever he passed by her. Something must have happened between them, but Castiel had no idea what, and thought that maybe it wasn't his business. Still, as soon as he entered the kitchen, he understood why Meg refused to help out today.

"Where... Where is Alfie?" Castiel asked and Balthazar followed his gaze to Dean, who was altering between stirring a pot and pealing potatoes.

"He has an exam tomorrow, and when Dean heard, he offered to take his share of the work so that the kid could go and study. I am making bread and Dean is cooking potato stew. Will you be okay to help out?" Balthazar asked tentatively.

"No, yes... Of course. Where do you need me?" Castiel asked. He could do this. It was fine.

"We need carrots and onions pealed and chopped, maybe you can take over potatoes from Dean so that he could handle the meat?" Balthazar asked and Dean glanced their way with a small smile. Castiel nodded, took a deep breath and approached Dean, repeating he could do this. He set to work on the vegetables, while Dean turned to slice the meat. He couldn't help but glance a few times at the man, feeling drawn to his movements and how skilled he was. Not only was he fast, but every little piece of meat was cut into nearly perfect squares.

The last time Castiel took a peak, Dean caught his look and smiled a bit, making Castiel turn away with a blush. Dean hissed and Castiel snapped his head back around to find Dean moving towards the sink, his hand bloody. Without a second thought, Castiel rushed to him while Dean stuck his hand under to cool spray of water.

"Is it deep?" Castiel asked, unconsciously reaching for Dean's hand to inspect it.

"I just nicked it." Dean replied, but Castiel could see it wasn't a small cut. It bleed profusely and when he pulled on it, it gaped open, Castiel wouldn't be surprised if it reached all the way to the bone. Dean hissed when Castiel probed around it, but made no attempt to pull the hand away.

"Put it back under the water while I get the first aid kit. It is much deeper and we need to stop the bleeding and bandage it." Castiel said and ducked away to find what he needed. Mere seconds later he was pouring peroxide over Dean's finger, the man hissing, yet still not yanking his hand away. "You should see a doctor, see if it needs stitches and maybe get a tetanus shot." Castiel muttered as he pressed a gauze on the wound and quickly wrapped it as tight as he could.

When he looked up, those amazingly green eyes were looking at him with curiosity and something soft too, and Castiel maybe stared at them for a few moments too long before he caught himself and looked away, feeling the heat of embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. The heat intensified once he realized he was still holding Dean's hand in his, yet the man still made no attempt to yank it way. Castiel quickly pulled away and paused, wishing he knew what to say to break this bubble around them, but since no words would come, he just turned and went back to his vegetables. He could see in the corner of his eyes that Dean watched him for a few seconds before he went back to the meat.

After that, Castiel didn't allow himself another glance at the man for as long as he could. He even avoided looking at Dean when he handed him the ingredients. Dean thanked him and said nothing more and Castiel just nodded and went to clean his station.

Balthazar was there the entire time, but in a different section of the kitchen, so he didn't really see what happened. When he wandered back to them, he had two big buns, hot from the oven in his hands. "I didn't see either of you eat all day, so here..." he said and put the tray on a free counter. "I gotta get back to the last batch, how's the stew?"

"Should be done on time." Dean said and paused. Castiel couldn't be certain, but he thought he glanced his way before he added "Are you sure about these?"

"Yeah, with that generous donation I have enough to feed everyone for a month, maybe even more." Castiel heard Balthazar comment as he went back to his bread. He was confused, this was the first time he head about a donation. Sure, people donated stuff and supplies here and there, and the rest Balthazar got from the government and their funding. It was always a stretch, but they managed. Castiel wondered where the 'generous donation' came from, but didn't want to pry.

"Cas." Dean said to draw Castiel's attention. "You take these. I'm good." He said and nodded towards the still steaming buns.

"No, I... I'm good too." Castiel replied, not looking up at Dean.

"But you didn't eat anything since you got here." Dean protested.

"Neither did you." Castiel replied. Maybe he should have said he ate at home before he got there, but he was never good at lying. He didn't even know why he was so reluctant to take a bun, it wasn't that big of a deal. Or maybe it was? Maybe, in the light of what happened with Dean, maybe it did. Dean spent months feeding at the shelter when he didn't have to, and Castiel accused him of taking away from the people who needed it more, and in a way this seemed like he was doing the same. Dean was silent for a few minutes, after which he heard him let out a small sigh.

"If I take one, will you take the other?" Dean asked and Castiel finally looked up. "Please?" Those green eyes were so imploring, something tightened in Castiel's chest. There was no way he could say no to them. Without even realizing, he was already nodding and was rewarded with such a pleased, nearly elated expression and a spark in those stupidly green eyes. Castiel quickly grabbed one and ate it as fast as he could, wishing this whole thing to be over. He knew there was a pretty good chance his stomach would ache from eating hot dough so fast, but plates needed to be brought out and forks and cutlery and stuff and would Dean stop staring at him already?

Castiel finished his bun and picked up the first set of plates to take them out, glancing over at Meg who was still sulking outside, but at least talking to people. When she saw him, she rolled her eyes, but still came to help, saying she will set it all if Castiel brought everything out. When everything was set up, Dean came out with the pots of stew, while Balthazar and Castiel brought out the bread. Dinner was served with barely a bit of leftovers, and Balthazar assured them it would be okay if they finished it. After they cleaned up from the dinner, they gathered at the kitchen, Balthazar, Meg, Castiel and Dean and set around a small table to eat.

Something was definitely up between Dean and Meg and Castiel didn't like it one bit. She kept sending the man smug smiles and shifting in her seat and then Dean would shift too and Castiel wasn't sure what to make of it. Until Meg's leg brushed against his, probably by accident. Castiel yelped and backed away from the table, his irrational mind conjuring a snake under the table. If it wasn't for Dean and his reflexes, Castiel would have fallen backwards. The man's hand snapped up and grabbed Castiel's arm, steadying the chair and looking at him worriedly. Castiel just nodded his thanks and went back to his meal, but could still see the angry glare Dean gave Meg. She just rolled her eyes and kept her smug smile.

It was around 7 in the evening when they were all done and ready to head home. Balthazar complimented them all on good work they did and bid them a good night. Meg took off as soon as she could, and the people were slowly gathering in the big hall that had those camping stretch beds scatted all around. They were staring to settle in for the night and Castiel lingered a bit longer to make sure everyone got what they needed, even thought they all knew where they could find extra blankets or anything else. When he finally exited the shelter, he saw Dean awkwardly standing around, but seemed to collect himself when he spotted Castiel.

"Hey, um... Can... Can we... Can I walk you to your apartment?" Dean said and Castiel wasn't sure that was what he originally meant to say, but nodded either way. He had no idea why he did that, but Dean clearly wanted something, and a part of Castiel wanted to know what it was. Or just wanted to be around the guy. Or both. It felt so weird, having someone walk next to him, accompany him in silence. Weird, but not unpleasant. Not like it was the first time they walked this path on that wretched night. Castiel wished he could forget about it, forget it ever happened.

"You really okay with me working at Balth's shelter?" Dean asked, his voice careful and quiet. "Just that... You seemed wary of me."

"I... I am not very good with people." Castiel replied in an even quieter tone, not answering Dean's previous question. Truth was, he didn't know himself. Aside from the fact that it really was good to have another person to help out, Castiel felt torn, because he felt drawn to Dean and at the same time scared of what it meant.

"Oh. Not very social, huh?"

"No."

"Okay, I can understand that."

They walked the rest of the way in silence and again, it didn't feel as uncomfortable as it should. It... It almost felt nice. Still, Castiel couldn't help but wonder what Dean was looking to get out of this. When they reached his building, Castiel turned to face Dean and wondering if he should just wish him goodnight and leave. But Dean decided to say something, and Castiel was so curious of what it was, he paused to listen.

"Can I... Are you gonna come to the shelter tommorow too?" That wasn't what Dean was going to ask, Castiel was sure of it. Dean was going to ask if he could see him again.

"I... I might." Castiel answered carefully.

"I'll be there... Just so you know..." Dean said looking down at the ground, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as if he was nervous. It was... It was definitely one of the things that drew Castiel to Dean. Nobody ever felt nervous around him. They were always a lot more composed or cooler when highschool was in question.

"Alright." Castiel said, not sure what else he could add, before he remembered. "Good night. Dean." A small smile spread across Dean's face and his eyes shone brighter, making all.sorts of emotions swirl inside Castiel.

"Good night, Cas."

Castiel would spend a good chunk of his night thinking about Dean, starting with his smile and his piercing eyes. He was curious about him, wondered if Dean chose that shelter just because he wanted to see Castiel. Wondered what happened between him and Meg, or if he was the one to give that generous donation Balthazar mentioned.

But then Castiel remembered. He remembered why he was at the shelter today in the first place. Remembered about being out of job and having lost his novel. He berated himself for getting carried away like that, for allowing himself to forget his problems and just daydream about a man who couldn't really be interested in Castiel, not like that. A man Castiel wasn't even sure he wanted to be interested in him. A man...

Ugh.

It was almost one in the morning and Castiel's thoughts always seemed to circle back to Dean, and he didn't like it. The man hurt him, he made himself to be something he was not. He deceived Castiel and lied to him and betrayed his trust.

Yet Castiel still fell asleep thinking about him.

It was raining when Castiel finally got out of his bed and took a look outside. It seemed like it was going to be a gloomy, cloudy day and Castiel felt depressed accordingly. Still, he knew what he needed to do, and he knew it couldn't wait so quickly ate a banana he had in his fridge, put on some clothes and headed outside.

It was pouring and the umbrella he had wasn't helping much in keeping him dry, but at least he wasn't soaking wet once he got to Crossroads Publication Inc. He still didn't want to work for them, he especially didn't want them to publish his novel using Dean's article, but he didn't really have a choice. Maybe he could just talk to Mr. Crowley and express his wishes regarding the novel? Could he just go back to the way it was?

Ruby was a as cheerful as always, barely sparing Castiel a glance as she checked if Mr. Crowley was interested in seeing him, chewing that gum obnoxiously. Thankfully, Mr. Crowley seems to agree, so she just nudged her head in the direction of Crowley's office and picked up her magazine.

"Ah, Castiel, darling. Long time..." Mr. Crowley said as he motioned for Castiel to take a seat.

"Good morning Mr. Crowley." Castiel said as he took the offered seat, the chair feeling really stiff and uncomfortable, and somehow Castiel thought it was the point. Crowley had a special section of his office reserved for important clients, and Castiel certainly wasn't important.

"What can I do for you?" Mr. Crowley didn't really like to make small talk, he was the kind of a man who liked to get straight to the business.

"Well, you see... I, um..."

"Speak up, mate. I am a very busy man, I don't have all day."

"Yes, right. I apologize. It's just that... When Mr. Kipling came and took my laptop, I had personal information on it and I would like an opportunity to retrieve it..." Castiel started, but Mr. Crowley quickly cut him off.

"I am afraid that isn't possible, all returned equipment gets swiped clean after it had been checked for any saved work regarding our manuscripts. But maybe someone copied your information, I can check." Mr. Crowley said, and Castiel felt his heart stammering in his chest. Was it possible, was his novel really gone? "What sort of information are taking about?" Mr. Crowley asked with a raised brow.

"My... My novel." Castiel replied and watched as Mr. Crowley's eyes shot up to his hairline.

"Oh. Please don't tell me this was the only copy you had?" He asked and Castiel hated that look in his eyes.

"It... It was."

"Oh, how unfortunate. I will ask Mr. Kipling about it as soon as he gets in."

"And if... If it wasn't deleted, will you... Will you give it back?" Castiel asked.

"Of course, what kind of a man do you take me for?" Mr. Crowley sounded appalled. "If we happen to find it, we will give it back. I certainly wouldn't publish it under my own name, or anything of the sorts. Besides..." Mr. Crowley said and leaned in, his voice much more quiet and sinister then it was seconds ago. "...I would most certainly try to persuade you to allow us to publish it under your name. If a let's say... Fergus McCloud, a Irish nobody published it, it wouldn't sell nearly as good as it would if it was published by Castiel, the angel of Kansas City. Publicity is everything, darling."

Castiel wasn't sure if Mr. Crowley didn't already have a copy of his novel and was trying to blackmail him into publishing it in this manner, but he couldn't say anything about it. Even if he wanted to sue them or anything, he couldn't even prove they had a copy, and as long as they didn't publish it, he couldn't sue them for the theft of intellectual property. Even if he had the money for that.

"It was brought to my attention, however, that you did manage to edit a few chapters of Miss Rosen's monstrosity, so we do owe you payment for that. Here..." He said as he scribbled down something on a piece of paper. "Give this to Ruby and she will make sure you get your due." He handed the paper to Castiel and then grinned.

"See? We're not the bad guys. We care about our employees. Or former employees." Mr. Crowley said, but Castiel still couldn't shake the feeling as if he was being manipulated. However, it seemed as if Mr. Crowley was done talking and done with this meeting, so Castiel just nodded and said his goodbyes. As Ruby counted the cash she was going to give him, Castiel really thought hard about his options. He was sure if he decided to publish, Mr. Crowley would put him in the spotlight along with that act of kindness that was nothing but a ruse on Dean's part. He would even drag Dean into all of it, and Castiel couldn't let that happen. He couldn't use Dean like that, no matter how much the man deserved it.

Castiel really wished his step-brother was there, he would offer advice. What would Gabriel say? Gabriel wouldn't say anything, he would probably go and beat the shit out of Crowley and find his novel and bring it back, maybe even find Castiel a new job. But Castiel didn't like to depend on him in any way, that's why he never accepted anything Gabriel offered. Maybe he should talk to Dean, ask what he thought? Maybe Dean would even want to help?

No, Castiel wouldn't take his help. He wouldn't want Dean involved in any way, because Dean betrayed him, made him look like a fool and Castiel wasn't about to go advertise that.

That did not explain how he found himself in front of the shelter now, having walked a few dozen blocks to it in his daze. He didn't even notice that the rain stopped and that the sun was now peeking through the dark clouds.

While he was there, he might as well check to see if they needed any help. Balthazar said Alfie had a big exam today, but would be done with it by noon, so he was there to along with Meg and Balthazar. And Dean. And there were always other people, homeless people willing to pitch in if needed. But it wouldn't hurt to check and see if they still needed him.

It always felt good, felt gratifying to work here, Castiel always felt like what he did here mattered. The work here always distracted him from his own troubles and made him feel fulfilled. And that's why he decided to come in today.

No other reason at all.