Author's Notes:

That's it! This story is cursed! Wanna know what happened? I had this chapter all written out, I saved my progress and something went wrong. Long story short, I ended up with the previous saved file, over half of the chapter gone. And the worst part was that I had to rewrite this, and I didn't have much time to focus, so... Let's say, the previous version was Castiel edited, so much better, I used fancy words and all. It was beautiful, I felt inspired. I am so sad I lost that. Now I know how Charlie felt. You all are probably going to like this just the same, but I know how it was before and I was so excited about it, finally feeling better.

Oh, the awful irony!!! This story really has it in for me.

Castiel was having so much fun. After all the hardship of the last couple of weeks, to be able to sit and do his thing, do what he does best felt really good. Felt like he was himself again. He didn't notice time flying by, nor his aching muscles, he didn't care. He was doing something he liked and something that mattered and it made him feel fulfilled.

Dean made that happen. It was thanks to him that Castiel was safe, healing and feeling better than he has in a long time. He did feel a bit guilty about taking up Dean's space, time and food, but loved being pampered a little bit.

But if he could pull this off, if he managed to edit through this, he would get paid and could repay Dean. He hadn't expected to be rewarded with that much cash, and a very serious job offer, so he was a bit shocked. And definitely uncertain.

Because if he resigned again from Crossroads Publications Inc., Mr. Crowley would definitely keep his manuscript, one he spent years perfecting. A long tale of dungeons and dragons set in modern time with a heavy plot of suffering and fighting to break through, of healing and love. And a little dragon afraid of heights.

Castiel had a feeling that if he accepted Charlie's offer, all that hard work would go down the drain.

He managed to relax again after he sat down to work, showing all those worries deep down, leaving them for another day. He had to focus now on the texts, and he needed each ounce of strength, because it was getting dark and he was feeling tired already.

Dean was by his side the entire time, but it didn't feel like he was smothering him, like it did with Zach. No, Dean was there, but somewhere in the back, waiting to be needed, and perfectly content to be there, nothing more. Castiel though he should really stop comparing him to Zach, it wasn't fair to Dean. The man was kind and sweet and he really seemed to care about Castiel.

Castiel was almost done with the whole thing when he noticed that Dean had curled up next to him on the couch, dozing off. He seemed so peaceful, and so adorable with his head pillowed on the couch side, his knees curled to his chest, his entire body turned towards Castiel as he had observed him before falling asleep. Castiel felt so unworthy, but also so happy to be here with Dean.

He couldn't help glancing at him often, mapping out those adorable freckles and those long lashes, his gaze dropping down to those inviting bow lips.

Castiel half-heartedly berated himself for his split attention, if he wasn't so interested in watching Dean, he would have finished sooner, but he just couldn't help it. Couldn't help but imagine what it could be like, to kiss those high cheekbones, or to run his fingers through that dirty blond hair. Couldn't help but imagine being with Dean, building something substantial. Couldn't help but fear that it would go down the drain, like the rest of his life.

The reason he was in this mess was because he took a risk, he took a chance, to prove to Gabriel and himself he could do it. But if he didn't take it, if he told the homeless man that he was sorry, but there was no more food left, if he turned and walked away, he never would have gotten a chance to feel like this. To meet Dean and to...

Fall in love.

Castiel took a deep breath, and tried to calm his racing heart and his overstimulated mind. He was in love with Dean. That could potentially lead to a number of disastrous things, to heart break, to being physically hurt, to becoming even more emotionally unstable...

But it could lead to something good, too? Right? At least for a little while?

Another deep breath.

He had no time to dwell upon this right now, he had work to finish. So he pressed on, directing his focus back on the text. It was so much easier to edit the work of some actual writers than of the people Mr. Crowley worked with, a few misspells here, a few comas there, a better phrasing or two and it was... Done.

Finally done. He saved all the progress and immediately e-mailed it to Charlie, then closed the laptop, breathing out in relief.

Glancing over Dean's resting form, he had to smile, all those feelings from before rushing back to the surface. How easy it would be to just lean and set a small kiss on those plush lips, Castiel could only imagine. His tongue swept over his own, wetting them, wishing he could feel Dean's lips.

He shouldn't. He shouldn't think that. He shouldn't allow himself to tread such a dangerous path. It could end badly. He had been hurt before, but somehow it felt as if this had a much bigger potential. It seemed too real. Too right. Too wrong.

Castiel shook his head, dispersing all those thoughts away. It was late, he was tired and sleepy, and it reflected on his introspection. He needed to put his mind to rest for at least a couple of hours.

It was highly entertaining, watching Dean trying to wake up, to work through the daze and to say the things he said, and the urge to kiss him grew again. Unfortunately, both of them forgot about Castiel's hurt leg, so when Dean leaned in a bit, and Castiel took some of his weight, a sharp pain shot through the wound, making Castiel hiss. The action sobered Dean up immediately. He apologized, and called himself an ass, and Castiel really didn't like that guilty look on his face. But they changed the subject fast, Castiel informing him he had sent the finished work to Charlie.

When Dean replied that he was 'awesome', there was that spark in Dean's eyes that made him feel so good. Seen. Cherished. Cared for. And it made that longing even more present, so when Dean took a step forward, Castiel did the same.

But what if this screwed everything up? What if Dean didn't want that, didn't want him?

Those scary thoughts made him tone down his excitement, but he still felt a strong urge to do something, so he leaned and kissed Dean on the cheek, feeling so dumb, and so embarrassed, and yet so excited and hopeful. He forced out a smile and thanked Dean for the compliment, not yet daring to look up to meet the man's eyes and find out what was in them.

He gasped slightly when he felt Dean's fingers brush against his cheekbone, his hand cupping his face, but leaned into the warm touch, the feeling so intimate and... Safe. He looked up, finally, and it was those same green eyes that watched him with that gratitude and with such affection that simply could not be faked. Those same green eyes that were filled with wonder, those green eyes that said'I cannot believe you are for real'.It might have been his overactive imagination at work, but it didn't matter anymore.

Castiel broke off, leaned back in and pressed his lips against Dean's, feeling the exact moment the man gasped and hoping it was of the good kind.

His legs nearly gave up on him when Dean kissed back, those plush lips, dancing around, pressing and tickling, sending millions of tingles to Castiel's stomach and making all those butterflies he forgot about swirling up in the air.

It felt glorious to kiss him and to be kissed by him.

Castiel pushed on. He pushed on, his tongue coming out to swipe over that soft, delicious lip and running away when Dean opened to allow entrance. He pushed on again, wishing so hard to feel more, to taste more, licking Dean's lip again and once more running away. Dean reciprocated in a similar manor, his own tongue caressing before pulling back.

His hand was still on Castiel's cheek, the other slowly rose to his arm, making more warmth spread through Castiel's body. He felt a bit dizzy, so he leaned in more, setting his hand on Dean's chest as if to hold himself upright, but then he felt it, that strong, rushing heartbeat. A heart that beat this loudly because of him. For him.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, and seriously lightheaded, combined with the lack of sleep, Castiel pushed himself to push away. He closed his eyes and just breathed for a moment, then snapped them open only to find a hint of worry in Dean's eyes. No, no, that wasn't right. Castiel felt great, amazing, better then he had felt... Ever. No need to worry.

So he leaned in again, his kiss slightly more heated and urgent and Dean kissed back just the same. The moment their tongues met, sliding next to one another, Castiel felt a powerful jolt of arousal crash upon him and he gasped, taking in too much air and he wavered, nearly fainting.

"Whoa, there..." Dean said, and huffed a smile, but all Castiel noticed were those two strong hands, holding him, keeping him from falling. "Alright, bed time for you." He said and lead Castiel to his room to his bed. As soon as he hit the soft pillow, Castiel drifted off to dreamland, completely forgetting everything else around him.

Was it a dream? Did it happen or did Castiel imagine it?

Those were the questions he had asked himself when Dean came to wake him up around 1 PM, telling him Zeke was there to check on his injury. Dean had that soft look in his eyes and that kind smile, but aside from shaking his shoulder, he didn't touch Castiel, much less kiss him again.

But why would Castiel even feel like Dean should have done that? It wasn't just the fact that Castiel wanted him to, why did he expect him to?

He didn't know if Dean showed his affection in that way, especially publicly, or was he just being considerate of Castiel's feelings? Maybe he was waiting for Castiel to act first, once again.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of being in control of the situation. Castiel got to decide when they kiss and when they don't. When they touch and when they don't. It was a powerful feeling.

But what if Dean didn't feel like doing that, doing anything in a particular moment? Wouldn't that mean that Castiel was pushy, borderline forcing Dean?

"Hey, you okay, buddy?" Dean asked turning to see why Castiel wasn't getting up. Buddy. He called him buddy. That left a poor taste in his mouth. But what was Dean supposed to say? Boyfriend? Sweetheart? Ugh! Zach used to call him that, with such condescending tone, the word forever making bile rise up his throat.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked, coming back to Castiel's bed, looking at him with a mixture of worry and care. He lifted one hand and cupped Castiel's cheek, the warmth spreading through him, chasing all those thoughts away.

"Nothing." He huffed a smile. "All good now." Dean smiled back, the concern still evident in his eyes, then moved so that Castiel could get up. He paused, looking hesitant for a moment before he reached and slowly took Castiel's hand in his in a loose grip, giving him enough time to back out if he wanted to. Which Castiel didn't.

And everything was right with the world again.

Dean gave him another small smile before he lead him outside into the living room. Ezekiel was there and after the formalities, he checked on the gash, deeming it almost healed and without any need for further bandage. Cas was perfectly healthy again.

Which meant Dean could throw him out now.

Shaking the negative thoughts, Castiel thanked the good doctor and watched as Dean walked him out the door. He felt rooted to the spot, some anxiety creeping inside, but not as bad as it should be. It was almost as if he knew he would be okay if Dean told him he had to leave. Emotionally okay, at least.

Like it didn't matter if it was over, because... It was nice while it lasted?

"Hey." Dean said, drawing Castiel's attention away from all those confusing thoughts. Castiel hadn't noticed when he came back, only that he was suddenly there, crouching by his side, his hand on Castiel's knee and those forest green eyes watching him, seeing him. "All better now?" He asked and Castiel nodded.

Dean took a deep breath, the action making Castiel drop his attempt of a smile, and got up, only to sit next to Castiel right there on the couch. The hand never left him, coming from his knee to take his hand again.

"Do you... Um... Do you remember what... Do you remember last night?" Dean asked, his expression too neutral for Castiel to figure out what he was thinking, his mind already picturing the worst case scenario.

"I... I do." He replied, his voice wavering.

"Okay, good. Good." Dean said, looking to ahead of himself and nodding. "How... Um... How do you... Do you..." Dean tried, his words more erratic than Castiel's thoughts. He seemed... Nervous? Castiel was ready to apologize, ready to be shut down, rejected, but he couldn't move, too invested in hearing exactly what Dean wanted to say before... Well, before jumping to any conclusions.

"You don't regret it, right?" Dean said, his eyes adding 'Please say that you don't.'So hopeful and breathtaking, the look in those vibrant eyes gave him wings again, just like last night, and Castiel flew forward, cupping Dean's face with both his hands and crashing his lips against Dean's.

He just really fucking wanted to kiss him.

He could feel Dean's surprise, because he didn't kiss back right away, but before more silly thoughts could make him second-guess his action, Dean's lips started moving, caressing, kissing, returning the favor with just as much heat as Castiel felt deep down in the pit of his stomach.

It felt good. It felt right.

So why was Dean pulling away?

"Cas, I um... Are you sure you want this? It's not some gratitude thing, is it?" He asked, and oh! Of course Dean was insecure, it wasn't just this entire situation, he was a person with doubts and fears like any other.

"I..." Castiel started, something in his stomach turning into a knot. He wanted this, of course he wanted, and he showed it, but Dean needed him to speak up, and how could he? How could he open up like that, and be vulnerable, let the words out there and possibly be rejected? Fortunately, Dean seemed to sense it was a struggle for Castiel, so he spoke up again.

"Don't get me wrong, I care about you. I care a lot. I just want to make sure this is something you want. That it's not something you're doing as a thank you, that you don't think you...Haveto. That you... Only ifwantto."He said timidly and looked up to meet Castiel's gaze, so much hope and care in his eyes. It was different, it felt different, to be given this kind of a choice, this control to decide what could happen between them. Empowering and scary at the same time, but also liberating.

"I... I do. I want you." Castiel heard himself say before his mind could get any wild ideas that would stop him from acting. The look in Dean's eyes, that spark in them, and that huff of relief followed by a wide smile was enough to tell Castiel he made the right decision. And still, despite it all, Dean didn't lurch forward to kiss him like Castiel did before, instead he slowly leaned in, but not all the way. It didn't feel like he expected Cas to meet him halfway, it was more like he was giving him a choice, time to back away if he wanted to.

When Castiel kissed him this time, it was shyer than before, and Dean kissed back just as slowly, kindly and tenderly, the feel of his soft lips making Castiel feel lightheaded all over again, making his feel afloat. Dean's hand gradually reached up and cupped Castiel's cheek, it's warmth spreading though his system, making him feel grounded and safe. Cared for. He wanted to move closer, to feel more of it, to embrace it, to let Dean's body envelope him like a safety blanket, but before he could lean in, Dean's phone rang, breaking the mood.

Huffing a sound that was a mixture of amused and annoyed, Dean pulled back, glanced down, then picked up his phone from the coffee table. "Hey, Red. How's going?"

"I freaking love you guys!"She screamed, Castiel even heard her, but Dean seemed unfazed, probably used to her squealing voice by now.

"Hold on, lemme put you on speaker." He said and did just that. As soon as he clicked the line, Charlie sounded again.

"I freaking love you guys!!!"Her voice was louder and so excited. Dean huffed a laugh, and Castiel smiled, feeling all fluttery inside.

"I take it it went well?" Dean asked through his smile.

"It went magnificent! The views skyrocketed, and we are swamped with comments and likes. And on top of that, I have people commenting and praising the writing style and phrasing, not just the article. It was a complete success! Thank you, Cas!"She said and Castiel cold feel his cheeks heat up. Watching Dean grin at him wasn't helpful.

"And not just that! Thanks to your amazing work in such short notice, and our chief-editor's failure in hiring proper work force, Naomizilla doesn't call the shots over my department anymore! So. Castiel. How would you like to come down for an interview?"Charlie said and Castiel froze, panic starting to stir in his stomach. He wanted that, of course he did, but his anxiety was getting the best of him. He wasn't good with people, to shy and quiet and awkward, and now, thanks to his work, Charlie must be having high expectations. What if he wasn't good enough? What if he disappointed? What if...

"You know, we just woke up." Dean said, looking over at Castiel kindly, clearly picking up on his nervousness. "We were gonna go have a bite to eat first, so how about we call you when we finish with that?" Those were the last words Castiel registered as his mind began to drift towards insecurity and low self esteem. His eyes fell closed and he tried to breathe through the fog, hating how easily he could go from happy to distressed in a blink of an eye, especially about something so trivial as meeting new people and having to talk about himself and his work.

Suddenly there was a hand over his, another one on his knee, spreading warmth through him, making all those suffocating thoughts melt away.

"Hey..." Dean sounded. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. But you should know - Charlie was just being fake formal, she does that sometimes. She just wants to meet you."

Castiel opened his eyes and gazed into those forest greens, seeing nothing but kindness and sincerity in them. Dean seemed to pick up on everything, understand how Castiel was feeling without him saying one word. How was Dean so in tuned with him?

"Come on. Let's get out, go grab a bite to eat. We can decide later what to do after." Dean said and Castiel nodded after a moment. He could use some air, some time out of this apartment.

It was just after 2 PM when they exited Dean's apartment, Castiel wearing his own jeans, but one of Dean's button up shirts. He actually asked for something other then his plain worn T-shirts, wanting to look presentable if he decided to go to Kansas Post. Maybe he wouldn't have even considered it, if Dean hadn't told him that Charlie texted (and she texted a lot, Dean's phone was burning red from all the notifications) and told him the paper wrote Castiel a check for his services. If he cashed it, then he could go and buy more clothes, a hat and a scarf for the upcoming winter and other things he needed. Maybe he could buy something nice for Dean. Something small, as a token of appreciation for everything the man had done for him.

"There is a pizza place around the corner, or a Mexican two blocks away. Though I am in a mood for Chinese." Dean said and Castiel just shrugged. He wanted to say they could go to whichever was the cheapest, knowing Dean would probably be paying, but he didn't want to ruin the mood and eliminate that smile of Dean's face. "Well, then, Chinese it is. Oh, there is a great place across town called 'Two chopsticks', if you wanna go."

"Um... Isn't that place a little too far to walk?" Castiel quipped quietly. Of course if Dean wanted to walk a few miles to the place, Castiel would certainly follow grateful to be brought along, but the whole thing felt too much like it was with Zach, and Castiel didn't like it. But then Dean smiled - grinned at him, widely and sunny, and excitedly.

"Come on. Lemme show you something." He said and motioned with his hand for Castiel to follow. Right around the block of Dean's building, there were half a dozen sets of garage doors and Dean walked to the closest one, unlocking it and letting the door roll up. Castiel gasped at the sight.

"Oh, wow."

"You like?" Dean asked, his grin not faltering.

"I love her! It's a her, right?" Castiel said, slightly breathless. He always loved classic cars, and Dean's perfect condition '67 Chevy Impala with her perfect body, all shining and cool, rendered him breathless.

"You bet she is! My baby girl. Baby - meet Cas." Dean said, nudging his head towards the car, telling Castiel to get in. Yet he had to come up to the door slowly, letting his fingers trail up the flawless metal of the hood and of the bumper over the rearview mirror and up the door.

"Hey, Baby. It's so nice to meet you." Castiel said enchanted by it, but felt his ears heating up when Dean chuckled at his greeting. He was totally fangirling over the car, and felt so embarrassed.

"Wait till you hear her purr." Dean commented as he sat behind the wheel and Castiel followed, simply adoring the smell of the leather seats and the sight of the timeless interior. It was as if he stepped into an old crime novel, a story about a bright detective, strong and courageous, with warm hands and green eyes.

They rode off into the sunset.

While the sun was still high in the sky, but no matter. Baby really did purr like an overgrown kitten and Castiel was in love. With the car. It was regretful that the ride only lasted for fifteen minutes, and before he knew it, they were outside the restaurant.

Dean kept looking at him as they were seated, and smiling kindly, and Castiel couldn't help but feel good. Sure, there were scary thoughts trying to wiggle their way into Castiel's mind, but before any could fully form, Dean interjected with something funny or interesting, or simply smiled, washing all Castiel's worries away. And on top of it, he was so easygoing and relaxed and not one bit pushy, taking everything in stride.

Castiel learnt a lot about Dean then. Like the fact that he had a younger brother that was a junior partner at a law firm in California. That he loved food, but pie was something sacred. That he liked the tomato rice soup because his mom used to make it. That he knew all the John Wayne movies by heart and loved cowboys, wanted to be one when he was a kid. That he was good with cars, and if he wasn't an investigative reporter, he would have been a mechanic.

Dean didn't ask much about Castiel and his life, but he suck up every piece of information Castiel decided to give. It was so easy, being with him, talking and having a bit of fun, not that Castiel hadn't blushed a couple of times during the meal. Still, the moment he felt truly embarrassed was when the check came, and Dean picked it up like it was no big deal.

"Okay, where do you wanna go next?" Dean asked, but there was no malice in his voice, he wasn't being sarcastic or condescending, and why would he be? Why was Castiel expecting him to be? He was probably still comparing him to Zach, just waiting for something to happen, for the other shoe to drop.

He really should stop doing that. Dean wasn't Zach, and even Castiel wasn't the same guy he was all those years ago, scared, depressed and... A little bitch. No, he was Cas now. He was a man that Dean liked, a man that could make his own decisions, and a man that could say no, if he wanted to.

"Could we... Could we go see the guys at the shelter?" He asked with a slight stutter. There. He proved it. They didn't have to go to Dean's work, they could go where he wanted, right?

"Sure!" Dean sounded delighted even. "Let's go see if they need any help." Dean lead them back to the car, all the while smiling at Castiel, seeming just happy to be there with him. Nothing more.

Suddenly, Castiel... Cas felt the urge to give something back. Dean put up with shyness and awkwardness and he deserved something in return. And it felt good towantto give something back, not feeling like hehadto. With those surprisingly positive thoughts in mind and a small smile on his face Cas offered: "Maybe, if they don't need us at the shelter, maybe we could, um... Go see your friend Charlie?"

The spark of fondness and warmth in those eyes and yet another wide, joyful smile on Dean's face made it all worth while.

"Sure thing, Cas."