A quote from this chapter: "Well... That happened."

Castiel loved how much trust Dean showed him by feeling comfortable enough to fall asleep in his presence once again. And he was such an adorable sleeper too, with his lips pursed into a small pout, and his head curling into his chest, showing off those little dots all across his nose and some on his cheeks too.

The movie was still on, Castiel finding himself captured with the interesting characters and loving each and every one, complete with all their flaws and quirks, and how they all fit the stereotype and rose above it so gracefully. Frank punching that plaster wall to unlock the vault door from the inside was so hilarious, a brilliant, simple solution to such a tricky problem, making all those smart people who thought of it look so stupid... It was marvelous.

But as mesmerizing as the movie was, his attention kept drifting towards Dean. The man's head kept lulling as he drifted between wake and sleep, his body trying to relax, but seemingly couldn't for some reason. He was sitting in the corner of the couch, his knee the only thing close, so Castiel decided it would be okay to maybe come closer. He scooted on the couch, bringing his hip only an inch away from Dean, his knee already pressing against his. He took a deep breath and leaned a little bit more and froze when Dean let out a little indecipherable hum. He released his breath as a silent chuckle, feeling funny for being so daring and thinking god-knows-what might happen. He felt nervous, and anxious, but in a very good way. It was thrilling, like the time he made the first move and kissed Dean.

It felt liberating, to act on his own, and scary, because there was always a possibility of rejection, but Dean was... He was so good, so receptive and somehow able to see and feel what Castiel needed, and willing to let him have it. It was getting impossible to hold up the walls, and Castiel was so unsure why he even kept them up.

Dean cared about him, he said so himself. Zach was never like that. Looking back now, he was more manipulative, saying too many sweet things and spewing compliments when he wanted something, but never asking Castiel what he wanted, what he needed or taking anything he said into consideration. Dean on the other hand... He seemed too good to be true.

And maybe that was why he was holding back? Because Dean was the kind of a man he always wanted? He always dreamed about?

Maybe this was all just one big elaborate dream? Maybe he died in that fire and he was in heaven now, living the dream. In that case, Dean surely wouldn't mind if Casti... Cas snuggled closer, right?

Cas. He liked that. Cas. Like an endearment. Cas.

Cas... tiel woke feeling hot. Oh so hot. First thing he noticed was something warm, like furnace warm all around him, heck there was even some sort of a fan blowing into his neck as he lay down on something... Not too comfortable.

Second thing ne noticed, when he finally remembered to open his eyes, was the dim light coming from the TV were it was stuck on the overview page of the the R.E.D. movie, and utter darkness everywhere else. He must be on the couch.

Third thing he noticed, and with an amusement too, was that the 'furnace' on top of him was actually a body. A very solid, muscular and quite heavy body. He must have fallen asleep snuggling next to Dean and somehow they ended up horizontal. The 'fan' was actually Dean himself, breathing down his neck and making goosebumps rise on his skin, and making him feel... Good.

The fourth thing that Castiel finally noticed, and the most mortifying one at that, was his raging erection that was pressing against Dean's thigh. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit! What was he going to do?

If Dean woke up with Castiel's penis poking him, he might feel so disgusted with him, and probably wouldn't want anything to do with Castiel ever again. Not only could he kick him out, but also break up... This thing they had. This thing they were starting, whatever it was. No, no, no, Castiel wouldn't be able to handle that, no...

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to breathe, tried to calm himself down and maybe his hard-on too. Will it away. But Dean was close, oh so close, sleeping soundly on his chest, and if Castiel just lowered his chin a bit, he could kiss him, and if he reached up, he could trace his hands over those broad shoulders... Down his back... Over the swell of his ass... If he pressed down just a bit, and moved Dean just a bit to the left, his erection could come closer to Dean's cock, and wow... How good would it be to feel that?

Dean let out a tiniest little sigh in his sleep and Castiel froze, wide eyed, fear flooding him, because he could not will his erection away and he certainly couldn't act on it, and God! What of Dean woke up now? How would he explain this? Could he maybe pretend he was asleep? If so, would Dean wake him? Oh, he would wake him and point to his crotch and ask why, and... Be disgusted with him like Daphne was and... He would push him away, he would leave him and he would...

Dean hummed, shifting ever so slightly, pressing his thigh again Castiel dick and making his system go haywire with desire caused by the sweet sweet friction. That resulted in Castiel jumping up, sending Dean tumbling down to the hard ground.

"Whe... What?!" Dean said, quickly raising himself into a sitting position, but thankfully not fast enough to see what Castiel had been trying to hide. Castiel sat up too and hunched in on himself hoping to keep his erection away from Dean's eyes. He could feel panic coursing through his body and somehow that only made this more thrilling, and he really hated himself right now.

"Cas? You okay?" Dean asked, his face morphing with concern. "Did we fall asleep? Did you... Did you have another nightmare?"

"N... No... I... I don't..." He tried, not sure what to say. He couldn't lie to cost him his life, but he didn't really want to lie to Dean. Couldn't tell him the truth, either.

"Huh..." Dean said then, and Castiel was surprised for a moment to see the man blushing. "I guess this couch isn't big enough for the both of us, huh? Man, I was never so out of it to actually fall out of bed." He chuckled with a dose of nervousness in his voice. Oh. Yeah, they could go with that.

Castiel let out a shaky laugh of his own, still unsure what to say, but Dean must have interpreted it as affirmation that he did, in fact, fall of the couch. And Castiel hated himself for letting him think that, but he would have hated himself even more if Dean saw he popped a boner while they were snuggling and sleeping.

As Dean turned to get up, Castiel figured it was the perfect opportunity to get up and duck away, pretending he needed to use the bathroom. Which, as it turned out, was a bad idea. He quickly figured this wasn't going away, not without dealing with it head on. Literally. Even in the bathroom as he sneaked his hand into his sweatpants (Dean's! - thank you stupid brain), he tried to squeeze his dick, or strangle it, and it only made it worse. Only one way to deal with this.

He can't remember the last time he masturbated.

Back when he was younger, before Daphne, it was something he indulged, from time to time, despite coming from a highly religious family that condemned such behavior, but after he married Daphne, he just... Stopped. It was viewed as something inappropriate in their church and he just... Went along.

After his big discovery and his divorce (the church annulled their marriage due to his sinful deviances), he met Zach, and at first, he had no need for it. Not when Zach would do it for him at first, or make him come on his fingers or his dick. Looking back, Castiel was so touch starved back then, he could have come from the nipple play alone.

Not that he was any better now.

A knock on the door made him jump with jitters, and he squealed, but thankfully, it wasn't loud enough for Dean to hear. "Hey, um, shout out when you're done, okay? I need to brush my teeth." Dean spoke through the door and Castiel's heart pounded in his chest so hard, he thought it might try and leap out.

He can't do this here.

There was a sound of a door closing, and Castiel really hoped that was Dean going to his room, because he could not go out there and risk Dean seeing him like this. He had to get to his room and he had to do it quickly. Silently cracking the door open, Castiel peeked outside, and found the coast was clear, so as quickly as he could, he scrambled out of the bathroom, passing Dean's door and into his room. Just before he slammed the door shut, he shouted "All clear!"

He did not mean to say that, but Dean got the message.

For the next two hours, Castiel tossed and turned on his bed, waiting for Dean to fall asleep. It has been over an hour since he last heard any motion, but he had to be sure Dean was asleep, he couldn't risk him hearing Castiel.

He clenched his fists into the sheets and groaned and moaned into the pillow as he thrusted into the mattress, but it only made it hurt. He knew there was no way he could come like that. He needed to loose the confining boxers and get a tight hold of the situation, literally. Finally deciding Dean was probably asleep, he stripped completely, unable to stand the feel of fabric on his skin, then sat back on the bed, scooting over to the headboard and leaning on his pillow, setting his (Dean's! Oh, my fucking God!) boxers close, so he could catch his release.

Casti... Cas was already close to the edge, and he knew this wouldn't take long, but still, his hand trailed slowly down his stomach, his mind already replacing his hand with someone else's. Dean's maybe?

Oh, who was he kidding, of course it would be Dean's hand he would imagine touching him, wrapping those fingers delicately around Cas' length, making him thrust up into the touch, moaning at the feeling. Yeah, Dean would stroke him good, long swipes down and up with a hint of a twist at the top, the thumb rubbing across the head of his cock, smearing the few beads of precome all over.

Would he want to taste it? Would he want take that thumb and stick it into his mouth and suck the taste off? Would he like it? It was so good to imagine Dean doing this, a small groan escaped him as he wished hearing how good he tasted.

What else would Dean tell him? Would he like how Cas looked? Would he compliment him? Or would he talk dirty? With a low moan, Cas found it hard to decide which would sound better, if Dean told him how good he looked, or how good his hard, throbbing cock felt in his hand.

"Oh, fff..." -uck was what he was about to say before he bit down on his tongue. He could barely breathe as he worked himself up, imagining Dean's eyes, staring him down. Imagining Dean's hand instead of his own, imagining him getting worked up seeing Cas' like this. Imagining his tongue coming out to lick his plush red lips, lips Cas wanted to badly to feel right now.

On his own lips, and then maybe lower, on his neck? On his collarbone? Ohhh, on his nipples, on his stomach... Oh, oh, oh, would he... Ohhh.

"Oh, Dddd... Deaaaan... Ohhnnnggng..." Yes, Dean would. He would do that for him,do something nobody else ever did for him, he would go lower, lick his way up Cas' length and set a kiss on top of his cockhead with those hot, velvety lips of his.

"Dddddean... Oooohh..." His hand sped up, the orgasm just there, within reach, the pressure bubbling up to the point of bursting as Cas imagined Dean part those luscious lips and taking Cas' cock into his hot, wet mouth.

"Ooooooooohghghhhhhhgnnnnhng..."

"Cas, are you having another nig..."

"Oh, fuck!" Cas screamed, his body locking up and preventing him from reeling his orgasm back. He exploded, coming all over himself as Dean stood right the fuck there, at his door, staring at Cas...tiel with eyes wide and mouth drooped open into a surprised expression.

Time stood still. Castiel's hand stopped, but his body worked on it's own, thrusting up into the loose fist as he rode his orgasm, his eyes glued to Dean, wide, scared, ashamed. How could he do this? How could he be so reckless?

Dean suddenly gasped loudly, his eyes seemingly going even wider, raking all over Castiel's form, probably feeling disgusted with him right now. He took a step back, his breath hitching as he stared at the mess Castiel made, his mouth working to say something, but no words could come. No, no, no, Castiel had to fix this, somehow, he had to tell him he was sorry, he had to... "Dean..." He tried, and flinched when those emerald greens snapped up to meet his eyes, looking so much more vibrant then ever before.

"I..."

"Dean, I'm..." he was going to apologize, to try and fix this, but the words never came as Dean abruptly turned around and fled the room. Castiel's heart sank, but he only let it feel for a split second before he so bravely decided, that no, he had to say he was sorry, he had to mend this.

Castiel leaped out of his bed, still butt naked and rushed after Dean, who, apparently didn't opt to run to his bedroom, but into the bathroom. Castiel caught the door before they could close all the way and he busted inside, panting, pumped up on a sudden rush of adrenaline.

"Oh, shit..." Dean yelped, instantly turning towards the sink and hunching down on himself.

"Dean, I..."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cas, I shouldn't have... I should have knocked, I'm... Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry." Dean said and what the heck? He wasn't being disgusted by what he saw, but rather ashamed he walked in, like it was a perfectly normal thing for Castiel to be doing that, in Dean's apartment, in his room, in his bed. Like it was worse that Dean barged in without knocking than for Castiel to be masturbating.

Castiel stood there, stunned for a moment, before he reached towards Dean, having a strong urge to comfort him. He set his hand on Dean's shoulder, and was left confused by Dean's sudden shuddering intake of breath and the way he tensed ever more after that. His voice was shaky when he tried to speak, but all it came was a single "I..." Castiel nudged him to turn around, completely baffled by the deep blush on his cheeks. They were beat red, so much so, that his adorable freckles were pale in comparison. His eyes were closed and he was worrying his lower lip, nibbling on it nervously and Castiel had no idea what was happening.

Until he saw the bulge tenting Dean's pijamas. Oh. Oh!

His mind started screaming at him, millions of thoughts racing through, from the barely audible 'you taint everything you touch' to the regular self doubting 'I screwed up again', to the very loud 'he is aroused by the sight of you' , and finally to an oddly repeating one 'you should act upon it'. Yet, all he did was stand there, surprised, just staring at Dean and trying to process it all. Dean visibly gulped and seemed to hunch into himself even more, probably feeling so embarrassed about this whole situation.

"You... You liked what you saw?" He didn't mean to say it, much less to make it sound like a flirtation, but when Dean's breath hitched at the sound of his voice and when his eyes snapped up to meet Castiel's, pupils dilated so much, the green was barely visible, Castiel felt a strong jolt of arousal course through his body. And so soon after his orgasm.

"Y...yes." it was barely there, a Yes, so silent and shy, Castiel... Cas had no idea Dean could be like this. He found himself moving a step closer to the man, letting his hand slip off Dean's shoulder and down his arm before it caught on his wrist, the motion making Dean's breath quicken.

"I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." Dean tried, his eyes darting all over Cas' face, probably trying to map out any expression. They lingered just a few times too many on Cas' lips for it to be a coincidence, but as much as he wanted to kiss him, Cas also needed to see him.

"I know. I didn't mean to wake you either, but... I couldn't stop thinking about you..." Cas said, his voice lowering on it's own accord, the confession coming out as a breathless whisper.

"Mm... Me?" Dean asked and Cas lifted his other hand, delicately setting it in Dean's chest, wishing badly he didn't have a shirt on. His fingers trailed just a bit lower, wanting to map out his muscles and every patch of the skin, and Dean shuddered to the touch, his mouth dropping open with a new intake of air.

"Yes. You. You are... You have no idea what you do to me." Cas tried, his mind too caught up in this glorious moment to come up with a proper compliment Dean deserved. Suddenly, finding himself too overwhelmed to think straight, Cas felt a very strong urge to show him. He let his hand trail ever lower, palm lifting up from the position and leaving only the fingers to trace down Dean's stomach, lightly pressing the firm muscles underneath that wretched shirt. Dean's eyes widened, his breaths sounding a bit winded.

Cas' tongue darted out to wet his lips and Dean traced the movement with hungry eyes, the same instantly rolling to the back of his head and falling closed with a groan when Cas leaned forward to whispered into his ear. "May I touch you, Dean?"

It took Dean a few moments, his face not so red any more, but still arousingly blushed as he gave the tiniest nod. Cas' hand immediately slipped down to cup his erection, instantly loving the weight of it. The action made Dean's eyes snap open with a myriad of emotions mirroring in his eyes, he hadn't expected Cas to be so upfront so soon. Cas found himself mesmerized by that look and he wanted, he needed to see more, so he tugged Dean's wrist to his pajama pants, telling him he wanted them off.

Dean nervously tugged them down, and Cas couldn't help as his eyes slipped lower to see that proud erection aimed in his direction. His hand immediately lurched forward, enveloping it tightly, feeling it pulse in his hand. Dean let out a small whine and Cas' eyes snapped up to Dean's yet again, not wanting to miss the look of pure ecstasy as Cas started stroking him, fast and dirty.

Their eyes remained locked even as Dean neared his peek, little breathless oh's and ah's coming out in accelerated frequency, louder, faster until Cas felt his cock expand for the upcoming orgasm. He was so gorgeous and erotic, his head falling back, eyes closing, his butt hitting the sink and his hands grabbing it so he could brace himself as he came all over his stomach, lead to completion by nothing else but Cas' hand.

Cas helped Dean ride it out, just staring at the perfect image of debauchery in front of him and feeling his own arousal shimmer just below the surface. Time stood still yet again, as they kept gazing into each other's eyes for a good few minutes until Dean broke the moment. "Well... That happened."

The heavy reality crashed down upon Castiel as he kept staring at Dean wide-eyed, he felt his cheeks and ears heat up as self-doubt creeped inside his mind. He shouldn't have done this, what was he thinking? How could he just... Barge in the bathroom after him and then... Oh, god! He touched him and he... He made Dean come and... Did Dean say he was okay with that? Did Dean want that? Castiel suddenly couldn't remember. Panic coiled in the pit of his stomach, did he just force Dean into this?

He acted upon his own desires, regardless of what Dean wanted, oh, god, did he just... This was considered rape. He just... Castiel's breathing quickened, his heart pounding in his chest so loudly, he could hear it pulse in his ears. He just forced himself on Dean. The shame he felt before when he was caught was nothing compared to this, because this was inexcusable, this was... Unforgivable.

Castiel will burn in hell.

Faintly, he could feel someone shaking him by the shoulder and his name being called out, and as the voice became louder, Castiel's focus slowly shifted from his horrid thoughts to the world around him. "Cas! Cas! Cas, are you okay? Talk to me, man, please. Cas! You're scaring me, c'mon. Cas! CAS!"

"I... I'm sorry. I..."

"It's okay, you're okay." Dean said, both of his hands on Castiel's upper arm, their warmth so soothing and grounding. It felt so compelling, and Castiel leaned into the touch, and Dean leaned to embrace him too, so somehow they ended up hugging which was so nice, Castiel almost forgot everything hat happened. Except...

"Our dicks are touching." Castiel said, huffing a nervous laugh, too drained to feel embarrassed about it.

"I know." Dean whispered to his ear, his voice a bit shaky. Castiel could feel the shudder that went thought Dean's body, not sure if it was alright to be glad about it, but he still was. He was okay. They were okay.

After a moment, when neither of them were pulling away, he just had to say it. "It's nice."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."