Dean ended up huffing a very nervous laugh at Cas' statement. Yeah, it was nice, the intimacy of them just standing there and holding one another, and it felt strangely comfortable, despite the fact that yes, their dicks were definitely touching. The past half an hour was a real rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts for Dean, and never in his wildest dreams did he think it would end up like this.

Dean had no idea what to think when Cas suddenly jumped after they fell asleep on the couch. It was so nice and warm and even though Dean never considered himself a cuddler, he really liked being snuggled with Cas, not that he remembered getting into said position, but he figured Cas drew him in. When it came to it, Dean decided it was best to let Cas lead, not wishing to spook him and lose what they have now. As shaky and new as it was, Dean was super excited about the development.

But if Cas was the one to draw him closer, why did he jump off the bed so suddenly? Sure, Dean was embarrassed about the fact that he actually fell off the couch, but Cas' reaction was… Strange. Maybe… Maybe he had another nightmare?

Dean was positive something big, something traumatic happened to him once, long ago, if those intense nightmares were anything to go by. But Cas never said anything, and Dean didn't want to pry, it felt enough to know that Dean's presence was comforting. Cas would tell him one day, on his own terms, when he trusted Dean enough to do so. Until then, Dean would be patient. Patient and attentive. He would be there for Cas whenever the man needed him.

That was the sole reason he came into his room later that night, thinking Cas was having another nightmare, the small, silent whimpers echoing in the hallway. Dean was absolutely unprepared for what he was about to see, and the fact that his timing was… Seeing Cas erupt like that was an equivalent of being struck by lightning, powerful and instant, his every nerve ending lit up, so much energy and arousal cruising through his body all within a fragment of a second. Hell, he would have come too if it wasn't for the intensity of those wide blue eyes rooting him to the spot.

This was bad, really bad. Not just because he walked in on Cas while the guy was masturbating, but he got so turned on by it, and he couldn't let Cas see it. Shit, what would he think, that Dean was some sort of a creep? So, yeah, he ran. He ran into the bathroom with every intention of getting a splash of ice cold water, first on his face, then down on his dick, but Cas followed him in and he started to panic. Because he needed to calm himself down, somehow, but at the same time he needed to apologize, because that was the stupidest thing he ever did, walking in without knocking and interrupting the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his whole goddamn life and shit - this wasn't helping.

And fuck his luck, when Cas reacted the way he did, when he… When he actually liked Dean's current predicament and the fact that he was the cause of it, and when he acted upon that… Damn if that did fuel it all even more. Dean was usually the one who was expected to take control, so for someone to do that to him was even more thrilling, plus the awkwardness of the situation. He came embarrassingly fast, but he didn't care, he did not regret it.

He only freaked out when Cas started freaking out and blanked out on him, and then, adding to whole bizarre (synonym: queer - thanks a fuck dear brain) situation, he leaned into Dean and Dean just sort of caught him in his embrace and god, was it weird, but so nice at the same time. Something in his chest swelled, he hadn't felt like this before. Yeah, he knew there was something about this guy that had his head spinning, but never had he thought it would be like this.

"I think we need to wash up." Cas said with a hint of amusement in his voice and Dean huffed a laugh too, but as soon as they pulled apart, Cas blushed deeply and tried to hunch into himself, probably feeling embarrassed to be naked. Den tried, oh, he really tried, to seem nonchalant and not look, but he was just a man, weak and shameful, and his eyes involuntarily slipped to take another peek. And Cas? He was perfect. His skin was on the right side of pale that would tan beautifully when exposed to the sun, which reminded Dean of beach time and being able to see Cas' bare chest and take his fill. His hips were narrow compared to his broad, yet delicate shoulders, and as Dean had a chance to see before, he was packing. Truthfully, Dean was never into twicks, and preferred his male partners to be closer to his size, both bodily and dick-wise. If he wanted petite, he could always go for a woman.

"Yeah, I'll just… You can use the shower, and I'll just… Um… Over the sink? Yeah. That's not…" Dean tried, struggling. This was still an awkward situation, but if he wasn't he would suggest…

"We could use the shower booth together, there is plenty of room..." Cas said, and just as he did, his eyes went wide and his face couldn't decide if it wanted to blush or pale. Seemed like the thoughts just slipped out of his mouth, and he didn't register he was saying them until it was too late. "Oh, I didn't mean… I am… If you're uncomfortable, we… I should just step out, sorry. Excuse me."

"No, Cas, wait…" Dean said with a laugh, but apparently it was the wrong thing to do. Cas' brows furrowed as he stared at Dean for a moment, then suddenly snapped out of his daze, turned and bolted out the door, leaving Dean with absolutely no idea what just happened.

He didn't think he was laughing at him, right? Well, he was, but not mockingly so, he was just amused by his behavior, by this whole event. And besides, he really liked how Cas could turn from someone so shy into a somewhat commanding, dominant person.

With a heavy sigh, Dean went and cleaned himself up, wondering the entire time what that had been about and hoping to have a chance to talk to Cas about it. They really should talk about them, about this thing that was happening between them. Secretly, Dean wished he could build something, make this last, and he knew he had to tread carefully. Once he was done in the bathroom, he tiptoed to Cas' door, taking a moment to listen in, but since no sounds came from the other side, he decided to knock.

"Hey, Cas? You okay?"

"Yeah, all good. Just sleepy." He replied through the door, clearly lying.

"You… You sure? You need anything?"

"No, I am good, thank you." That sounded borderline panicked, as if he didn't want Dean to press the matter, so Dean dropped it.

"Alright then, um… If you do need something later on, I'll be in my room, okay?" There was a muffled "ah-hum" from the other side and nothing more. "Well,um… Goodnight then."

"Night." Cas' words were barely audible, forced out probably in politeness, and they fell heavy on Dean's chest, but he couldn't do anything about it tonight. Maybe tomorrow, once Cas had a chance to calm down and once they both gave this more thought, they could talk about it? Yeah, that would probably be for the best.

Except for the fact that thinking about it kept Dean awake over half of the night, causing him to oversleep.

He groaned when he woke up and saw that it was already 10am, and hated that he couldn't snooze some more like he loved to. He got up and mindlessly walked out into the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee machine. He smiled widely, pleased to find fresh coffee already made and poured himself some, lazily walking back to the couch and plopping down on it. He scooted his but, lifted his legs and drew them up to his chest, letting out a big yawn as he set his mug atop of his knees, hugging it with both hands. His eyes stared blankly outside to his backyard and watched the gloomy skies that threatened to conjure rain, maybe even snow.

His finger kept scratching various places of his skin, across his chest, the back of his neck, down his leg, over his shoulder, chasing some non-existent itch, but no matter what he did, he couldn't settle it. Lazily, he took a look around his apartment, taking in his surroundings and not finding anything out of place. His idle mind tried to figure out what was bugging him, when nothing seemed different, but maybe it should have been? Like didn't he leave two beer bottles on the coffee table? Wasn't there a jacket thrown haphazardly over one of the dining table chairs? There should be a book he wasn't reading with his favorite bookmark stuck somewhere in the middle of it, and why was there fresh coffee in his pot?

A rush of adrenaline overwhelmed him as his panic spiked, because not only was he an idiot who misplaced the information that he had a very attractive, blueyed house guest, but also 'cause said houseguest was missing. "Cas?" He asked the empty room. Yeah, he obviously wasn't there, Dean would have noticed him by now. Slowly, as if he wanted to delay finding out, Dean rose to his feet and patted to Cas' room. Gently rapping on the door, he called out the man's name, and listened to the silence on the other end. The panic that he tried to contain blasted through when Dean glanced inside and found an empty room, making his breathing pick up along with the multitude of alaming thoughts. Where could he have wandered off to? Did he just go out, will he be back? Or would he stay away? Did he run off? Immediately, Dean felt guilty and started picking apart his actions from the day before, considering all the things he did wrong, things he could have done differently.

A very smart voice in the back of his head ushered him to act now and think later, so Dean ran into his room to change into a pair of jeans, and a nicer shirt, then headed for the door, only to realize he should wash his teeth, so he ran back. Once he finished, he ran to the door, trying to figure out where Cas might have gone off to, but just as he stepped out the door and felt the cold concrete under his feet, he figured he should probably go back and put some shoes on. Yet again, he ran inside and to his room, and finally, freaking finally saw the note attached to his bedroom door.

Good morning, Dean.

I wanted to get out for a while,

so I decided to go to the shelter

and see if they need any assistance.

I made you some coffee.

Castiel

Dean stood there, barefoot and read the note a dozen times. Cas wanted to get out, needed to get out? Was he feeling… claustrophobic here? Was it just the apartment, or was it Dean? At least he went to some place familiar, somewhere where he could feel safe, and told Dean where he was going, so that had to be a good thing, right? He cared about enough to make Dean coffee, and the thought of that made all this hurt a little less. Maybe he was overreacting and Cas just needed a breather, not from him, but generally?

Dean ended up going to the shelter, but only greeted Cas just like he greeted everyone else and set off to work, to help where he was needed, which turned out to be the kitchen. Cas was working in the big hall, arranging up the tables and preparing everything for the noon meal. They spend the rest of the day helping around, cleaning and distributing supplies, then assisting with the afternoon meal too, and Dean hung close, just in case, but away enough to give Cas some space. As the evening approached and they began the final clean up, Dean began to wonder if he should linger and accompany Cas back to their (His? Their? ) apartment or should he just go by himself and hope Cas would come? Maybe he could just find Cas and tell him he is heading home and just leave it there, an open invitation?

"Ready to go? Or have you more work? Maybe I can help?" Cas said suddenly popping up just as Dean was whipping down the counter in the kitchen. Dean felt his face crack in two as he smiled widely, feeling happy that Cas came looking for him.

"Yeah, no, I am done, and ready to head back." He replied and motioned for Cas to lead the way. His apartment was about seven blocks away, so he felt jittery walking all that way with Cas by his side. Should he try and talk, or remain quiet?

"Dean?" Cas tried, ever so shyly, but kept walking. Dean flashed him with his kindest smile as he met his eyes and he could see the exact moment when something inside of them changed. Cas smiled back at him, and brushed his hand over Dean's, their fingers hooking up and releasing as they walked until they finally slotted together and stayed like that. Dean would brush his thumb over the top of Cas' hand and just felt content to be like this. He didn't want to break this little bubble of joy, but he knew he had to talk to Cas, they needed to talk about what happened and clear the air.

Still, Dean waited until they got home (and yeah, it felt like their home) and sat down on the couch to start. Taking Cas' hand in his, and skipping that cringe-worthy line 'We need to talk', Dean dove right in. "You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?" When Cas didn't respond immediately, Dean pushed on.

"What happened last night… Maybe it was a bit fast, and I am sorry for barging into your room like that without knocking, but I don't… I don't regret what happened after. I don't want you to feel like you had to do anything, I don't want you to think you have to do anything you don't want, not with me, not ever. Just… I like you. I like you a lot, and I don't mind… I want… I'll take everything you're willing to give me. If you want to hold hands, we could do just that and nothing else. If you want to make out, that's fine too, and if you want to… Get more intimate, I am… I am cool with that too. I just want you to know that, okay?"

Dean focused a lot on what he was saying, picking the right words, and he failed to notice at first Cas' change in expression. His smile was soft, with a hint of a relief and a happy spark in his eyes and he leaned in, fishing for a kiss. Dean's eyes slipped closed and he could feel Cas' breath ghosting over his lips, the anticipation coiling inside of him as he eagerly awaited it, the first kiss of the day. His lips were there, right there, so close he could feel their warmth, he could almost taste them, almost, but not quite.

"You would just give me anything, wouldn't you?" Cas asked, backing away, Dean chasing his lips for a split second before he caught himself.

"Anything." He whispered, but when he opened his eyes, he could see that Cas didn't quite believe him. And that was okay. He would, in time. He would see Dean would give himself completely if Cas only asked. Shit, he was in deep, and as scary as it was, he never wanted to be anything else but in love with Cas.

"TIme? Could you give me just a little time? I need… I need to make sure this is what I think… What I hope it is." Cas asked, his voice too serious, his expression so hopeful and so resigned at the same time, it hurt to see him like that.

"Whatever you want, Cas. Whatever you need." Dean said, lightly squeezing his hand and they just stayed like that, gazing into each other's eyes for a few moments. And then Cas just lurched forwards and captured Dean's lips in a searing kiss, making him feel lightheaded and extremely aroused at the same time. Apparently, he said the right words this time, but it was a bit confusing, because Cas was saying one thing, and doing almost the complete opposite, pressing himself against Dean and making him fall back onto the couch while he slotted between his legs.

One second he was asking for time, the next he was all over him and like someone flipped a switch, Cas flung himself back, looking so bashful and apologetic and so freaking hot with those kiss swollen lips and that deep blush that spread across his cheeks.

"I apologize, I didn't mean…" Cas said, trailing off, embarrassed by his reaction. And yes, Dean did say anything he needed but this hot/cold thing will be the death of him.

"It's okay, Cas. I liked that."

"I like kissing you." He confessed and Dean just had to smile at that.

"I like kissing you too."

"Maybe… We could try more slowly?"

"I'd like that." Dean replied, and huffed a smile into Cas' lips when the man launched forward again, but the kiss was definitely more calm, nice, slow. Dean's hand ran up Cas' arm to his shoulder, the other cupping his cheek and sliding down to his jaw, and he could feel Cas melt into the warmth of his hand. They broke the kiss after a moment and just smiled at one another, before Dean got an idea. "You know what else I like?"

"What?"

"To snuggle." Sam would think someone replaced him with a clone if he ever heard him say that, but this was Cas, and everything was so different with Cas. Especially when he smiled that wide, gummy smile of his that reached his eyes and made them shine just a shade brighter.

"I'd like that." He said, so that's what they did. They snuggled together, Dean's arm around Cas' shoulder and turned to watch the TV, but Dean never figured out what they were watching because Cas kept stealing kisses from him, sometimes even kissing his jaw and under it, nice and chaste, sending tingles up and down Dean's spine. Yet they kept it PG even as they kissed good night and parted ways before Dean's doors. Dean wished he could fall asleep with Cas in his arms, but he dared not suggest it. He would take whatever Cas was willing to give.

"Morning, sunshine." Dean said brightly as Cas stepped into the living room, looking a bit grumpy, with his eyes half closed and his feet dragging on the floor and his hair tousled. It was Monday, their first day of work, and Dean was excited to share this with Cas.

"It is too early for sarcasm." He replied and Dean huffed a laugh, taking a mug and pouring coffee in it.

"Not if seeing you brightens my day." Dean replied easily, then paused with the pot midair and glanced back at Cas. "Was that too corny?"

"It is, but helped anyway." Cas said as he came into the kitchen section to pour himself some coffee too. Dean simply handed him the mug he already poured and Cas smiled his thanks.

"More nightmares?" Dean tried sofly, his voice bearing his concern.

"No, I was just nervous, I guess. Today is my first day of work and…" He trailed off, going silent for a moment and just staring at the mug in his hands. Instinctively, Dean set a comforting hand on his shoulder and Cas just sagged, relieved and defeated at the same time.

"I feel… I am so embarrassed, Dean. I don't have any proper work clothes and I am so scared I am going to make a fool of myself. It's stupid, I know, considering my whole situation, but I… I am supposed to work in a digital department and I don't even have a phone, much less a digital presence in social media. I… I am afraid they are going to take one look at me and… Laugh. And it's stupid, I know, but I can't… I can't do anything about it and I hate it." Cas blurted out, for the first time sharing his thoughts and concerns with Dean, it caught him a bit off guard. Without thinking, Dean pulled him into a hug and Cas held tight, and it must have helped, because Cas seemed a bit better when he pulled away.

"You know, they aren't going to care. Charlie's opinion is the only one that matters and she loved you, man. Besides, have you seen her Hermione - unicorn pink shirt with golden flecks? You think that is work-appropriate? Pff… I would… I would buy you all that stuff if I knew you would accept them, but they aren't going to make you feel better. That's just stuff. What you have here… (Dean pointed to his head) And here… (then to his heart) is all that counts."

"You're just sweet-talking me." Cas said halfheartedly, but with a smile on this face that told Dean his little speech worked. And since Cas had been so open and honest about it all, maybe Dean could make an inappropriate joke and make him laugh?

"If I wanted to sweet-talk you, I would offer to blow you, just to take the edge off." He said with a wiggle of his brows, hoping to convey the humor of it, but he froze when Cas' eyes went wide and his eyes hardened into a very serious expression as he just stared into Dean. Fuck, he screwed up again, didn't he?

"I…" Dean tried, wanting to say it was a joke, that he didn't really mean anything and certainly didn't want to put any additional pressure on his already difficult day and their relationship, whatever it was, but Cas cut him off.

"You would do that?"

Holy shit.

"Yeah…" Dean heard himself say, suddenly breathless. He had no idea if Cas meant right now, or in general, or to him, or to him right now… Cas blushed furiously and dropped his gaze and Dean just waited, frozen with his mug in his hand. He wanted to offer again, for real, but he didn't want to seem too forward and damnit, why was this so difficult? Why did he have to second guess his every move, his every word?

"Would you... " Cas started and holy shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Anything." Dean reminded and Cas was on him faster than a thirsty man to a well in the middle of the desert. The kiss was so heated, making Dean's body flare up with the kind of excitement that had his cock filling up embarrassingly fast. He barely managed to place his mug on the counter before he felt Cas' hands on his ass, drawing him closer. The rough material of his jeans made it impossible for him to determine if Cas was as turned on as he was, despite the fact that he was pressing against him and he really, really wanted to find out.

And yet…

"Are you… Are you sure?" He said wrenching himself from Cas' face, but by doing so, he exposed his neck to him and the man latched on, kissing and nibbling, making Dean's eyes roll to the back of his head. Why was he trying to stop him, again? Oh, right. "Yesterday, you said… You said you needed… And I just want to make sure you're… Sure. That you want this."

"Do you?" Cas asked, sucking a hickey into his skin.

"Hell yeah."

"Eloquent."

"Oh, really? Let's see how you talk when someone's lips are driving you mad." Dean responded and that made Cas pull away to smile widely at him before bearing his own neck to Dean in a tempting way. And Dean? Dean could not deny him anything. So he returned the favor, his lips running a long trail from the crook of Cas' neck, finishing up at his pulse point where he pressed a bit harder, letting Cas feel the warmth of his mouth. It worked like a charm, Cas shivering in his arms and pulling him closer, grinding against him. To add to it all, Dean pushed his leg between Cas', pressing his thigh again Cas' now obvious erection, making him moan so beautifully.

"Dddd-Dean…"

"This alright?"

"Uh-huh…"

"Eloquent." Dean teased, but Cas didn't seem to care. He just huffed and continued to rub himself against Dean's leg, his hands going from Dean's ass up to his back and then down again. It felt good to have Cas' hands on him like this, but this wasn't about him, this was about Cas. And Cas needed some stress relief. "Can I touch you?"

"God, yes, please."

Music to his ears, Dean took his consent, but didn't dive right in. Since his hands were in Cas' shoulders, he started there, rubbing up and down his arms soothingly as he kept kissing and teasing the man's neck, while Cas just kept trying to gain more friction anyway he could. Dean let his hands wander over Cas' chest a few times, always going back to the arms at first, before he let them trail down to his stomach. Cas moaned and whined with every new touch, his eyes closed and his head thrown back in ecstasy. Dean's fingers trailed under his shirt, making him gasp at the skin contact, but clearly eager for it, because he snapped, turned his head back towards Dean and kissed him hungrily. The more skin Dean found under his fingertips, the more frantic Cas' kisses were, tongue twirling around Dean's, roaming his mouth, exploring, and Dean, the little shit that he was, gave him a small preview of what's to come by sucking on his tongue and making the man groan and shake.

Finally, he pulled away, and locked eyes with Cas to carefully take in his every reaction as his fingers slipped under the waist of his worn jeans and slowly moved from the hip to the front, reaching for the zipper. He thought he might see at least a flash of fear or unease, but Cas' eyes, so bright blue, bore into his with all their might, making sure Dean didn't stop or took his sweet time removing Cas' cock from the confinement of his jeans. His jaw came unhinged as Dean wrapped his fingers around Cas' sizable member, perfectly long and thick, but he didn't break eye contact, in fact, his look became more intense and Dean felt a shiver run down his body. He didn't really want to break Cas' composure, but he did want to see him lose it, at least a little bit, so Dean, ever so slowly, started sinking down to his knees, biting down at his lower lip and running his teeth over it. Cas' eyes grew incredibly wide, but still so powerful and strong, completely clashing with who the man was as a person. Dean loved it.

The filthiest moan escaped Cas as Dean wrapped his lips around the tip of his glistering cock, sucking in the bead of precome that was at the top. He had done this a few times before, and the taste was no different, but Dean enjoyed the reactions he got rather than the act itself. One could even say he got off on getting someone off, letting someone enjoy him and his wicked (their words, not his) tongue. Cas shook and panted above him, gasping every time Dean would lift his gaze and looked at him through his lashes, knowing he painted a good picture. The altered between working with his tongue to bobbing his head, while his hands kneaded Cas' thighs, learning what he enjoyed the most and working his way towards it.

At one point, he dove a bit deeper, Cas' cock hitting his pallet and Cas whined so beautifully, hunching into himself. His hands flew to Dean's head, but stopped short, unsure, so Dean took them and placed them on his head, showing Cas it was alright. Dean loved feeling his hands on himself and this was no different. He kept sliding down on him faster and faster, helped by Cas' strong hands tangled in his hair as Cas kept moaning and calling out his name, inching closer and closer to his orgasm.

Dean didn't mean to slow this down, but Cas apparently thought he might, so he started pulling his head with a bit of force. Dean hadn't expected that, but he let it happen, a part of him enjoying how he could make the man come undone like that. But as the pace built up, so did the force of Cas' hands, his cock burying itself a bit deeper into Dean's throat, and before he knew it, Dean was being facefucked as Cas lost control not just over his hands but his hips too. Three short thrusts had him slamming his cock into the back of Dean's mouth and coming down his throat, but the second Dean pushed, trying to pull away, Cas released him.

Dean doubled down, coughing, feeling his throat burn and Cas was right there, his hand on Dean's shoulder, his voice filled with fear and his eyes filled with tears. "Oh, God, Dean, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to do that, I am sorry, I am so sorry, please… oh, God! I'm so sorry, Dean, shit! I didn't… I am sorry, please. Please, believe me."

"It's… it's alright." Dean said, his voice coarse and as much as he tried to hide it, his face showed that his throat hurt.

"Oh, God, what have I done?! I hurt you! I'm so sorry, Dean, please. You have to believe me, I didn't…" Cas' voice broke as he shouted, tears streaming down his face now, but Dean lifted his hand and stopped him from going on. He cleared his throat and tried again, his vocal cords working a bit better this time.

"It's alright Cas. Happens. Besides, I… It was unexpected, but I… I kinda liked it." He said with a small smile. And it was true, he liked how different Cas was, how confident and bold he was, how he took control, took what he wanted, what he needed and… Enjoyed whatever Dean had to give. So he was a bit rough. This time. They were still learning about each other.

"You… You did?"

"Yeah, kinda. A bit."

"You're lying." Cas said, his voice so serious and hurt.

"No, 'm not. Wouldn't do that to you again. Ever." Dean said and Cas' paused, his teary eyes looking over him with uncertainty, Dean felt a part of him crumble. They were going so well, yesterday with their talk and today with all of this and… How? How do things go from that to this? How come he gets Cas to open up a bit, then regret doing it? Earn a piece of his trust only to lose it again? "I liked…" He had to try.

"I liked how you took control. I liked how different you are when you're aroused, how commanding, dominant you can be." Cas' eyes went wide with that statement, but at least there was more curiosity in them, the need to understand.

"Yeah, it was a bit… My throat is a bit sore. But I don't regret it. I am glad I made you feel good, made you relax, that was the point. So next time… (presumptuous, wasn't he?)... Next time it'll be better. For both of us. I'll make you feel great, I promise."

"But… What about you?"

"I…" don't matter. - was on the tip of his tongue, but he bit down the words, opting instead to buy time by rising to his feet. "I am sure you'll make me feel good too… Just like you did last night." He tried a small joke and it worked. Cas huffed a small laugh, shaking his head, then looked back at Dean with a dose of adoration in his eyes.

Dean spread his arms, and Cas fell into his embrace once again, holding tight for a moment and taking all the comfort he could before he suddenly started laughing.

"My bare dick is touching you again." He barely managed and Dean started laughing too.

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Oh, shut up." Cas said, and abruptly doing it for him, shutting his mouth with his and drawing him into a deep kiss, despite probably tasting himself along the way.