Author's note: Bear with me with this chapter.

Cas took a deep relaxing breath. He was in the kitchen, fixing dinner for him and Dean, setting up a perfect romantic evening. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and a light summer breeze filled the air while Cas had that joyous feeling inside, smiling happily and humming along to the songs on the radio. A song he hadn't heard came on, a magical song, like from a wand going through the air filled his ears, so Cas closed his eyes and just listened.

"I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before

And you've been hurt and so your heart has chose to close the door

Love broke your heart and brought you lies…"

It sounded like him, it sounded true. So true, back then...

"Look in my eyes

You'll see a love that's deep and true

Tender and strong and all for you

You can trust this love

Honest, that's the honest truth."

A small smile escaped him, imagining Dean saying those words. He could get lost in those breathtakingly green eyes, and he could certainly see all the love and devotion they bore. They were entrancing and so inviting, so beautiful, and kind like Dean himself was. Cas' smile slowly dissolved as the song version of Dean asked for his trust. He certainly earned it, but why was it so hard to let go? Why couldn't he just…

"I will protect you and respect you and be all you need

And when you reach for love you'll only need to reach for me

These arms will never let you down

They're staying around

I'll walk with you through every storm

I'll keep you safe, I'll keep you warm

And you'll have no doubt

You're the one I'm living for."

The song kept playing, and Dean's voice in his head kept saying the lyrics, the right words Cas knew were true. He inhaled a shuddering breath, his eyes filling with tears that bore a bit of joy and a bit of sorrow. Because it was true, Dean would do all that for him, keep him safe and warm and protect him and respect him and love him and it felt so good to feel those things, to know they are true and to have all that fill his heart to the brim, so why couldn't he just… Let go?

"I'll provide the love you need

Just trust my touch

Believe in me

I'll never make you cry

Giving all I've got with all I've got inside."

A sob escaped him just as Dean in his head told him he would give anything for him, tears spilling over and his own chest threatening to explode. Dean loved him and he loved him back, so why couldn't he let go? What was that nagging voice inside his head that said this was exactly how it looked, how it felt when he and Zach were starting, this similar feeling, and no matter how much he tried he couldn't convince his brain that Dean wasn't Zach, that he would never, could never be like him.

"From the heart

I'm giving you everything, everything

From the heart

I promise you that I'll be there

I'll be there to love you

From the soul

I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is

From the heart, from the heart."

Cas' eyes slipped closed, a heavy feeling dragging him down. How could he do this to Dean, how could he still hold back, how could he compare him to Zach, it wasn't right. He had to let it go, but he just couldn't. Dean's words echoed in his head - "Trust this love… Believe in me…" and it tore him apart that he couldn't.

Suddenly the window of his room shattered, glass flying everywhere and he jumped off his bed, but before he could react, gas from the canister that rolled across the floor entered his lungs, and he started to panic. He went for the door, feeling as if they were hot, like he was back in his burnt apartment, but he wasn't, he was in Dean's apartment, in his spare room, and wasn't he in the kitchen just now?

A tall man, wearing a gas mask and an all-black suit barged through the door, and Castiel took a step back, gasping and then coughing because he inhaled the smoke or gas from that canister. His vision blurred, and as the panic really hit, he tried to scramble away from the hands that were reaching him, but he was fighting a losing battle. The closer the black ninja suit came, the more darkness enveloped Castiel's mind, and the last thing he saw was a hand with a cross tattoo, reaching for him to deliver him to be judged for his sins. He should have listened to mother and father and tried to keep his deviances buried deep down.

Gasping through his nose because his mouth was duct taped like in a very bad action movie had Castiel feel dizzy and it took him a moment to realize he wasn't in Dean's apartment anymore. He was seated in a wooden armchair with a soft kind of a cushion, arms tied to the manchette, feet bound to the chair legs, and situated in a far corner of a very extravagant bedroom. It seemed like something from a very classy palace, but it might as well be a very expensive hotel room, with the big king sized bed in the middle with silk sheets and soft pillows. Tied and gagged, Castiel couldn't do anything but sit and wait to see what would happen, the panic inside of him slightly rising. He didn't know what this was about, why he was taken and strapped to a chair, he didn't know where he was, he didn't know if whoever took him would hurt him, maybe even kill him, he didn't know if he left the stove on.

His eyes were trained to the door, waiting for someone to enter, and still, he was startled when the doors swung open, to reveal a tall, dark haired man in an expensive dark blue suit. He stepped inside the bedroom with his head held high, giving this very proud, aristocratic aura and not a shred of emotion on his face. He was downright terrifying. He went to a desk that sat opposite the bed, sat there and tapped on his laptop for a few minutes, then hummed a sound that was neither pleased nor angry, just… Intrigued.

"You know…" He started with a thick British accent, "... When I first learned that Gabriel had a weakness I was delighted. A step brother, lost in a random Yanky town, and completely out in the open, it was so easy. It still seems so easy." The pieces finally falling into place, Cas' eyes bugged out, his heart hammering in his chest. "He must have thought it was too obvious for anyone to take the bait, he is quite clever in his arrogance." The man said, then went on and on, monologuing like some evil villain in a James Bond movie. It was difficult to keep track, because the man, as eloquent as he was, spoke nonsense, jumping from one thought to another and describing events Castiel had no idea about. Some of them even seemed implausible, like him and Gabriel fighting in some sort of a volcano cave, with molten lava right there, flowing under their feet. Maybe he was shooting for Indiana Jones and not James Bond?

Castiel was startled out of his thoughts by a pocket knife snapping open, and when he glanced up, he saw the man looming over him, with a cold, empty expression on his face. "Now, I need to send your brother a message and it has to come loud and clear. So why don't you be a good little boy scout and try to smile at the camera while I make a few cuts, huh?" The camera? Where was the camera? Castiel moved just a bit, and right there, behind the man, there was a camera on a tripod, red light searing into his eyes. There it is. How didn't he see it before? And on that note, how was he supposed to smile with a duct tape on his face?

The sound of a screeching record filled his mind as the rest of the man's sentence sunk in. He was going to do what?!

The man must have seen Castiel's eyes widen, because he gave him a one-sided smirk and huffed in amusement before he inched that knife close, setting the cool blade against Castiel's cheek. His lungs burned as Castiel started hyperventilating, his heart running again, fear and panic making his eyes cloud with yet unshed tears. The sharp blade barely nicked the skin, and Castiel cried out through his gag, more with fear than from pain, and then the knife was gone. It took him a moment to realize why the man stopped and turned a curious look at the door, but once the knock sounded, Castiel figured he hadn't heard the first one.

"Room service." An all too familiar voice sounded on the other side, and no, it couldn't be. How could he be here? So many questions popped inside his head, only to become immediately irrelevant as the man came closer to the door, screwing a silencer on his gun (where the fuck did that come from?!) and turned the knob, using the door for cover and aiming the gun at Dean. As soon as he saw those big, green eyes, Cas screamed through the duct tape, trying anything to alarm Dean that he was about to be ambushed.

He must have realized what Castiel was trying to tell him, because he gripped the door and shoved it open forcefully, knocking the bad guy's gun out of his hand and clocking him on the nose in the process too. The man hissed in pain, but recuperated quickly and launched himself on Dean. Like in a cartoon, dust rose, fists swinging, bone cracking sounds filled the room and Castiel remembered there was a fight, but he couldn't for the life of him say who threw what punch, whose blood sprayed across the floor, but he knew one thing for sure. Dean was losing.

The man threw one last punch across Dean's face, his knuckles connecting with Dean's nose and the momentum sent Dean's head flying to the side. The man then swiftly stood up, picked up his gun and aimed it at Dean. He spoke, asking questions and Dean groaned, his face covered in blood, but answered as he slowly stood up. He held his hands up in a non threatening way and the man kept asking him something and Dean responded, his head swaying to the side, but Castiel couldn't hear a word.

He just stared at Dean, a devastating feeling that after tonight he might never see him again. And Dean, he came to save him. He came to save Cas. He found him, God knew how, and came to try and save him. And he fought. He fought hard and got beaten, all for Cas. Blood dripped down his face and Dean licked his split lip as he glanced Cas' way, those green eyes watching him, seeing him, the only ones that ever did and Cas whined, his heart wishing it could leap out of his chest and block that bullet that might try and end his life.

"Bloody hell! You Americans really are the dumbest bunch." The man said, shaking his head. "So Gabriel didn't send you?"

"No." Dean replied.

"And you're just some random block who thought he could just charge in and save his… boyfriend?" The man said with a mocking smile, and for only a moment, Cas' heart skipped a beat. Were they boyfriends?

"Please. Just let him go. Take me." Dean offered, turning his pleading eyes at the statue of a man, cold and emotionless as marble he was made of.

"Why on Earth would I do that, when I can just kill you? I need him to get to Gabriel, I don't need you." The man responded and Castiel screamed, the sound muffled by the duct tape. Still, it drew the man's attention and something sinister flashed in his eyes. It was as if he enjoyed torturing and he saw an opportunity here.

Castiel had no idea what his motives were, or how hurting Dean and hurting him could help this man defeat Gabriel (knowing his brother it would only spur his rage if he got hurt, not that he would care much about Dean); a lot of things here didn't make , that glint in that man's eyes, he didn't like it.

"You really care about this one, don't you?" He asked and Dean's eyes flickered up to throw him a dirty look before they dropped down in defeat. It shook Castiel to the core, to see Dean, a man who took no crap from anyone (his words), slump down like that. Dean, the strong, proud, ever fighting alpha dog, surrendering to… To… To that piece of shit.

And for what? For who? For the little, insignificant him?

Castiel tried to speak, to voice his unimportance and to tell Dean to just flee, but the damn duct tape reduced the sounds to muffled ghmhs and nothing more.

And then, the man was close, up in Dean's space, whispering something that made Dean take a deep breath and glance at Cas, eyes filled with sorrow and apology and a whole lotta something Castiel just couldn't identify. Those bright green eyes slipped closed, and Dean was lifting his head up slightly and why… wh… why… Oh, God! No, no, no, no... The man was kissing his neck, trailing his lips up to his ear while his grabby hands roamed Dean's body.

"How far would you go? What would you do?" The man said quietly, teasingly, mockingly, and Castiel just knew he was talking about him. Dean said he would give him anything, everything, and he would give the same for him. Those hands, they kept caressing Dean's chest, hips, arms, back, and then, to emphasize what the man meant, they snuck down, over Dean's ass cheek and squeezed.

Castiel started thrashing in the chair.

Dean glanced his way again, eyes filled with apologies that shouldn't be there. He should be angry at Cas, or sad that he couldn't help him, not this, not give in, not give up.

"If I promised to let him go, would you let me fuck you?"

Noooooooooooooooo! Castiel screamed, cried, wailed and whined, his voice struggling to break through the duct tape and tell Dean that he wasn't worth it, but the words just wouldn't come out.

Dean's cheeks reddened, like they would for Cas sometimes, and he dropped his gaze, unable to look Castiel in the eye as he gave his whispered reply. "Yes." Castiel's heart stopped, his breath stuck in his lungs for a long moment as he watched Dean approach the bed slowly, still not looking at him. Something inside Castiel shattered as Dean lifted his hand and started undoing the few buttons of his dark green polo shirt.

Castiel screamed, opening his jaw as wide as it would do, tearing the duct tape and letting his voice be heard. He kept yelling a string of NOs as he trashed violently in the chair, somehow tipping it, and sending it flying backwards, with him still strapped in.

Falling sensation filled his body, making him feel almost weightless before his mind caught up with current events and suddenly there was darkness all around him, but he could still see some shapes. His mind swam, he felt dizzy, but there was a hand on his, warm and safe and so pleasant, made him feel elated.

No! No, he couldn't fall into unconsciousness now, not while Dean was in danger. Not while Dean was about to give himself, do something he said he would never do (Castiel still remembered his awkward words back when he played a homeless man and said that he would never bottom); and all this to save Castiel.

Castiel's eyes slipped closed, darkening the darkness, before snapping open and he found himself back in the fancy hotel room. He yanked his hands and tore the chair apart before getting up and charging the slick, disgusting Brit. The man stumbled, fell over a briefcase and took a dive through an open window, his shouts echoing for long time before falling silent. Castiel whipped around, his eyes falling on Dean, who was still standing by the bed. His lips widened into a happy, relieved smile and Cas stepped forth, throwing his arms around him and held on tight. He took a deep breath, inhaling Dean's scent and he let his eyes fall closed again, relishing this new feeling.

Like freedom. Like letting go.

So Cas finally let go.

He opened his eyes, only to find himself in that not-so-dark darkness again, but as his mind cleared up, he realized he was in Dean's room, in Dean's bed, tucked in and alone, with nothing but a warm hand over his. Castiel glanced down at it, only to see that it was in fact Dean's, but that he wasn't in bed with Castiel. He was sitting down on the hard floor, his upper body leaning on the bed, his head lying on his shoulder at an awkward angle and his arm… Stretched out towards Cas, hand over his.

It was all a dream.

It was all a dream and this is Dean, the same man whose bed Castiel crawled into then threw him out of when he felt overwhelmed with the things he wanted, but couldn't have. This man, who gave him his everything and would give more, if only Castiel asked.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be with someone like Cas, someone broken and scared and… He deserved better.

A small, melancholic smile spread across Cas' face, his hand turning so that it could be against Dean's palm to palm as he watched him in his sleep. He felt so unworthy of this man's affection and care, yet so happy it felt almost wrong. Taking a deep breath, he curled his fingers around Deanćs hand and pulled and pulled until Dean stirred.

"Huh?" Dean slurred, drowsy and sluggish, but Cas shushed him and kept pulling. "Come." He beckoned and Dean obliged, climbing up on the bed and under the covers. Cas kept his arms wide, and Dean crawled in his embrace, tucking his head under Cas' chin and unconsciously breathing him in. Cas huffed a smile, wrapped his arms around him and held him close, content and feeling more at ease than ever before.

Castiel kept dozing off, but never quite went all the way under, it felt relaxing to just… just be. Morning came, and those pesky rays of sun tried to wiggle their way into the room, but the dark drapes held them mostly at bay, enough not to wake whoever was sleeping in the room, but enough to let anyone conscious that it dawned.

Dean stirred. "Cas?"

"Hello Dean."

"I… ugh… um…" Dean seemed confused, probably trying to work out how he ended up in Cas' arms when he was thrown out of bed last night. Most likely coming to the conclusion that he crawled into bed unprompted, he tried to back away and apologize. "I'm sorry, I don't… I… I'm sorry, I'll just…" Dean tried to roll over and get up, but Cas held tight.

"Stay." Cas whispered and Dean froze for a moment, tensing up before relaxing again. Cas closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Dean in his arms, of being close and feeling warm and safe and just breathed. In and out, letting it all go, letting his fears, his reservations go. Just let it all go.

"Dean?" Cas tried about a half an hour later, silently, not to wake him up if he dozed off. But Dean was awake, and he moved, letting out a sound to say he was listening. "I'm sorry, Dean." That made him move, and for the first time, Cas let him go, away enough to make eye contact.

"Cas, it's okay, you don't have to…"

"I do, Dean. I owe you more than just an apology. I owe you so much and you…"

"Cas…" Dean tried to interject, but CAs wouldn't let him.

"No, I do. Dean. I do. I want to say it, I need to… I owe you so much, and I could never really repay for all the kindness you've shown me. You… You don't deserve to be stuck with someone like me, you deserve so much better."

"Cas…" That sounded like a whine and a warning, Dean probably thinking Cas would use that as an excuse to leave or distance himself.

"No, Dean, we both know you do. We both know it's the truth. You are the most caring, the kindest man I have ever met, and you deserve something so much more than me. You do. But… You know… I want… I want to be the kind of a man you deserve. I want to be better, I want…I want to be worthy of you, Dean. I might be selfish, but I want you, I need you, Dean."

Dean let out a breath he was holding, relief evident in his green eyes that shone so bright, filled with love and admiration. "I need you too, Cas."

"I know. I know. It's going to be alright, Dean. We are going to be alright. And you know why?" Cas asked and Dean raised his brows, a small, kind smile spreading over his face.

"Because I love you, Dean. And I trust you. And I want to give you everything you deserve."

"Just you. Just you, Cas, I just need you. I love you so much." Dean replied, his eyes slightly teary, but Cas thought he wasn't any better. He pulled his arms around Dean more tightly and Dean buried his head back into the crook of Cas' neck, both of them just enjoying the closeness, enjoying each other, enjoying just being together.