Kyo keeps to himself for the next couple days.

He goes about his life like he supposes any normal person would—he does his work diligently and with minimal communication with his coworkers, goes home, eats, does any necessary housework, and goes to bed.

While he absolutely despises this—the loneliness that threatens to swallow him whole, the lack of communication with Tohru that makes his heart feel as if it's going through a meat grinder—it is nice to establish a routine. It distracts him a little.

But also never enough.

Because she's still everywhere. He can't eat certain foods without thinking of how much she loves them, can't walk down certain streets without remembering being there with her, can't even sleep in his bed some nights because he swears it still smells like her even though that's impossible.

It's only been three days so far.

How many more days will he live in his life? Likely thousands and thousands. That's a lot of this to take.

He could reach out, but he wants her to do it. In all honesty, he thinks of it as a form of repentance. He hurt her again, and he figures that means he owes her space.

On Friday, he can't take it anymore. He goes to Haru's. He knows that's selfish, to push his problems onto Haru again when he should just leave his poor cousin out of it at this point. But everyone within six degrees of separation from Kyo Sohma likely knows that he's selfish, by now.

But when he knocks on the door, no one answers. Kyo steps to the side of the door and peeks in through the window, leaning close and cupping his hands against the glass near his eyes to search for any sign of movement within the apartment. The lights are out.

Next to him, someone clears their throat. He jumps up straight and looks in that direction. A middle-aged woman eyes him suspiciously as she locks the door of the next apartment over. Okay, he knows this isn't exactly a fantastic neighborhood, but does he really look like such a delinquent that his presence warrants a response like that? He glances down at himself, taking in his haphazardly-thrown-together outfit. Maybe he does.

Kyo clears his throat, then puts on his most polite smile. "H-hello. My cousin lives here and I'm looking for him. Have you seen him at all today?"

The woman just shrugs and shakes her head slightly, then turns and heads down the stairs.

Okay then.

He has nowhere to go but home, now, he supposes.

So, with that knowledge, he sets off…and very illogically ends up in a dive bar near his apartment.

He never stress-drank before Tohru came back into his life, he thinks fleetingly. It's no fault of hers, and he's not particularly worried about it, even, either. He's the one stressing himself out over how poorly he treats Tohru. Everything that comes as a consequence of that is on him, and him only.

He orders a whisky and coke, and leans his elbows against the bar as he sips at it. But he's very quickly reminded that it's Friday, and that means bars get busy…apparently even small bars tucked into the backs of alleys no one should know about unless they live nearby, as is his case. As groups of college students and bachelor parties start piling in, he bites back a groan. Well, maybe this is what he gets for not wanting to be alone tonight.

"Hey, you."

Kyo looks up from his glass, then immediately turns back towards it. There's suddenly a random woman next to him. He has no interest in talking to her, but he also has tried to leave standoffish Kyo in the past, so he figures he should at least greet her. "Yo," he mumbles awkwardly.

Apparently that's funny somehow, because she giggles and sits on the stool to his left.

"That's quite the hair you've got."

Of course that's why she came over here.

Kyo runs a hand through it absentmindedly, still avoiding eye contact. "Yeah, I guess."

"But you're clearly still Japanese."

"Yup." She hums in curiosity, so he adds, "Long story."

He downs the rest of his drink as quickly as possible, and as he's making to stand up, the girl blurts, "Wait!" He glances at her sidelong. She takes that as permission to continue, even though he's certain it's not a friendly look he shot her way. "Are you single?"

Technically…yes? But emotionally—definitely, absolutely not. "It's complicated," is the best way he can come up with to explain it without going into detail.

"Sounds like someone got in a fight. But maybe I can make you feel better."

Kyo uses a great amount of willpower to avoid rolling his eyes. He stands up, but the girl grabs onto his wrist—his left wrist, the one he's still hesitant to let anyone but Tohru and Kazuma touch. It makes him freeze up. He can't breathe, can't move. This is all too much—the alcohol; everything about this random woman who's clearly trying to come onto him; her hand clutching his wrist like a lifeline even though she doesn't know him, just saw him across the room and waltzed on over for no reason.

The next thing Kyo knows, she's up on her tiptoes and pressing her lips to his. Reflexively, his eyes close, but he's otherwise completely still and shell shocked. For a second, he hopes she'll just notice that he's most definitely not kissing back and let go of his wrist so he can function again and push her the fuck away. But it becomes clear she's not going to do that when he feels her tongue dart out against his lips. He shudders, and not in a good way; if he doesn't get her off of him, he thinks he'll definitely throw up right into her mouth.

Because it's wrong. It's all wrong. She's not Tohru, and he can't imagine she is no matter how hard he tries, or how drunk he may be.

So he takes a deep breath in through his nose and rips his arm away, then uses it to push her shoulder until she's back from him. The look on her face is one of pure surprise, like she's never seen rejection before; and honestly, maybe she hasn't. Kyo has to admit that she's pretty, and if she just comes onto random guys in bars, chances are it'll work out in her favor. This time, he does roll his eyes.

"You shouldn't kiss strangers without permission," he growls. "Especially not when they've just told you they're seeing someone."

"I, but—" she stammers, clearly nonplussed. "You said it's complicated…"

"Yeah, doesn't that mean there's still someone else in the picture? You knew that."

"I just thought, maybe we could—"

Kyo sighs. "You still don't get it? I'm not interested. Go find someone else to fuck."

He turns and walks out of the bar. For just a second, he glances back into the window and sees the girl with her hands over her face, a group of friends surrounding her to comfort her.

He'd been a bit harsh. He knows that.

He also gives zero fucks, though.

He brings the back of his hand up to his mouth and wipes at his lips, as though that'll get rid of how she tasted and how her tongue felt there; it doesn't, and he still feels like he might puke.

He falls to a stop and leans back against the concrete wall of a nearby building. He takes a deep breath, fleetingly realizing that he forgot to pay his tab…but there's no way in hell he's going back in there. He tilts his head back, letting it thump against the wall.

He's an idiot.

But if anything, this at least showed him that he never ever wants to kiss or touch a woman that isn't Tohru. Men his age make comments about sleeping around before getting tied down, he knows, but it doesn't appeal to him at all—and especially not now. It sounds gross, unnecessary when he has someone as amazing as Tohru Honda waiting for him at home…or, used to be waiting, at least.

His phone buzzes in his back pocket, and he stiffens. He knows who it is without even having to look, and it's as if the call is right on cue. With shaking hands, he pulls it out and looks at the screen. He takes a deep breath and swallows heavily before forcing himself to answer the phone.

"Hey."

"Hi…" Tohru says softly. "Uh, I—do you think you could come over so we can talk?"

Already? It's only been a few days. He didn't think she'd be ready so quickly, and that would, of course, be absolutely fair.

"Uh. Yeah, of course. Just, could we do it tomorrow?"

"O-oh, of course. I'm sorry, are you busy?"

"Not really, just…not ready yet." It's the truth. If he goes over to Tohru's right now, after what just happened, he just knows he'll throw himself into her arms and fall to pieces.

Why can't they ever talk without someone ending up in tears?

After a brief silence, Tohru says, "I understand. But, um…are you okay? You don't sound so good."

Kyo clears his throat before speaking again; he knows his voice is hoarse, but he'd hoped it wasn't obvious enough for Tohru to notice.

Stupid. Tohru notices everything about him.

"Yeah. Rough couple of days, is all."

"I see."

"Tohru," he says, and the word comes out timid and broken, and it makes him ashamed. He pauses, then tries again. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know yet," she admits. "I won't know until I see you again."

"Oh," he says dumbly.

"So, uh. I'll see you tomorrow? You can come whenever."

"Sure. I'll probably be there around noon."

"Okay."

They're quiet for a moment before Tohru just whispers, "Bye," and hangs up abruptly. Kyo pulls his phone away from his ear, looks down at the now-dark screen, and sighs. He gives the device a squeeze, the tendons in his fingers and wrist visibly tightening with the force.

Suddenly, a drop of liquid lands on the bridge of Kyo's nose with a splat, and he turns his eyes to the sky. He blinks against the steadily-increasing rain, and pointlessly recalls a saying Kazuma used to use when bad things would happen one after another:

When it rains, it pours.

Kyo's never been much good at remembering his umbrella.

It's a little selfish of him, but when he gets to Tohru's house the next day, he kind of hopes everything will just magically be back to normal. He'll knock on the door and she'll call out to him, there will be something on the stove waiting for him, she'll lie in his arms as they eat and kiss and laugh.

But deep down, he knows that really wouldn't be good for anyone, nor is it logical to expect it.

He knocks, now trying to prepare for the worst.

What he finds when the door opens is somewhere between the two extremes. Tohru is dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater—an easy outfit, but also still signaling better mental health than just pajamas would. She doesn't look like she's feeling ill, so she must be eating well and taking her nausea pills as needed. But she also doesn't look happy; she looks like she's emotionally exhausted.

"Hi," she whispers, tilting her head back to be able to meet his eyes.

"Hey," he chokes out in response.

Tohru takes a deep breath, then steps back and gestures for Kyo to head in. He does, neatly lines his shoes up by the door, and then stands stiffly in the genkan. He eyes Tohru cautiously as she moves to the couch. He can still see her from where he is, though just the back of her head.

After a moment, he sees her shoulders quake a bit. His spine stiffens, but he can't move, can't speak. Tohru turns around to face him, and that's what does it—her eyes are wide and damp, her slightly-chapped lips pursed together tightly, as though trying to keep back wild and reckless words she knows she shouldn't set free.

He wants her.

He always has, of course. But looking at her right now…

He wants her so much. So fucking badly. All of her, each and every part of who she is and what she has to give. Who she slept with and why, whether or not she thinks they're "meant to be" just don't matter. He'll always want her. Always need her. He thinks his bones will always feel weak, and his blood always scorching hot within his veins, as long as she's around.

He realizes that he can't go another minute without telling her. If he wants this to work, there can't be secrets; he's known that all along, but he's always had trouble following through on actually saying what's on his mind…but right now, he feels ready to burst at the seams.

"Tohru, before you say anything, I—" he pauses, clears his throat, takes a moment to go over how to word this. Tohru just looks at him, eyes slightly narrowed in confusion. Awkwardly, he settles on, "I have to tell you something."

She nods, her expression now one of concern. "Are you okay?"

No. The ugly part of him, the once that still screams that he's not good enough, tells him to take it back. He can't tell her that he's feeling broken. But he also has to. He fucking has to.

He takes a deep breath. "No. Last night, I went and had a few drinks at a bar, and well…someone came up to me and was sort of flirting, and you know—she kissed me."

He's half-expecting some non-committal response. "We're not technically together, so it's none of my business who you kiss."

But instead, Tohru's eyes widen and her cheeks flush. She clenches her jaw and looks down to the floor to avoid having to make eye contact with him. "Did…" she whispers, voice so small that he almost can't hear her. "Did you kiss her back?"

He doesn't really even have time to process her words or the intent behind them—he just knows, deep down in his gut, that he has to reassure her. "Eh, what? N-no, of course not!"

She nods a bit, eyes still trained on the linoleum. "Okay," she says slowly.

"...Are you okay?"

"Not really."

They sit in silence for a minute, neither knowing what would be appropriate to say in such a case.

"I mean, I can't really blame her," Tohru blurts finally. Kyo raises an eyebrow. "Y-you're very kind and handsome and funny and smart, and—and—" Her voice turns shaky, and she sniffles.

Alarmed, Kyo tries to get a look at her face, but she's turned completely away.

"Why are you crying?" he asks gently. She shrugs. "Tohru…can you look at me?" She shakes her head.

Is he allowed to—?

Without putting too much thought into it and sending himself down a mental spiral, he reaches out and cups her cheek, turns her toward him. She finally looks at him, eyes still wide and glassed over with tears.

"What's wrong, Tohru?"

She sobs, then covers her mouth with one hand in apparent embarrassment. "I just…I don't—I don't want to think about you kissing anyone else," she admits.

Kyo rubs his thumb in circles over her wet cheek as he tries to figure that out. She's clearly upset about that chick coming onto him. She almost sounds…

"Are you…jealous?" he asks.

"I—" she sighs, wipes at her eyes. "Yes."

Kyo tries to bite back a smirk, but is apparently unsuccessful—Tohru lets out a watery laugh and smacks at his arm. "Why does that make you smile?" she grumbles halfheartedly.

All hesitation gone now, he just says, "You're pretty cute when you're jealous. And, besides…that means you care about me, right?"

"Kyo-kun…" she murmurs. She leans her head on his shoulder. "It was never a question of whether I care for you or love you. It was just about if I could be with you."

Despite being extremely aware of how dry his mouth is, Kyo swallows hard, trying naively to gulp down his nerves. "W-well…" he says quietly, "what do you think? Can you?"

She looks conflicted. He's sure that's not a good start.

"I…I think—" Tohru rambles, wiping at her cheeks one last time. "I just have to. I have to figure it out because I want you. You're precious to me. So please…please…"

She doesn't seem like she can even finish the sentence, so Kyo doesn't make her. "I want you too," he says softly. "And I promise that I'll do better. I'll become who you need me to. I promise, Tohru. Whatever it is we need to do, we'll figure it out together."

"I promise, too," she chokes out. "Just don't give up on me, please."

He kisses the top of her head, then smiles a little, despite the tears pooling in the corners of his own eyes now. "Dummy," he murmurs into her hair, "never."

Later, when feelings have settled a bit, they sit a bit apart from each other on the couch, each holding a glass of iced tea. Tohru's splayed out on her half of the couch, trying to magically dodge the heat weighing down the afternoon air. Kyo sips at his drink and watches her.

They decided to push more of their much-needed heavy conversation off until tomorrow, when they've both had time to finish processing today's dose. They're not in a hurry, they said to each other; they have time to get to where they truly want to be. Rushing only comes back to bite them every time. Took them long enough to figure that out, but maybe they're really starting to get it now.

"It's so hot," Tohru whines. Kyo chuckles and reaches out, lying a palm on the tiny baby bump that's started showing lately.

"It's not that hot," he tells her. "It's just this thing."

"Did you just call our child this thing?" she laughs.

Kyo smiles and rolls his eyes. "What am I supposed to call it?"

"Anything but what you just did."

"Anyway," Kyo groans, trying to get the conversation back on track. "The baby must be starting to get heavier. It's no wonder being pregnant raises body temperature and makes you tired and everything."

Tohru shrugs. "Well…no matter what it brings, I'm happy," she says. "I'm happy to get to do this."

"Sap," Kyo blurts immediately, his mind's default defense mechanism against the way her words make his heart swell.

She laughs. "Maybe. But it's true."

"I know. And, Tohru? Thank you."

"For?" she asks, bringing the edge of her glass to her lips.

"Carrying our baby."

She smiles a little, like that was exactly what she'd been expecting him to say. "You say that a lot," she points out.

"Mm…" he murmurs. "I'm just really lucky."

"I am too."

"Yeah? Even after everything we've gone through to get here? Even though the work isn't over yet?"

"Mm-hmm. As long as, at the end of the day, I get you two."

"Well…cheers to that."

They clink their glasses.

"Cheers," Tohru agrees.

A/N: Hi! I know this took a ridiculously long time to upload, but I've been studying abroad in Japan and it's definitely taken some getting used to since I got here in April. I hope you enjoyed.

Chapter title from "Hazy" by Rosi Golan