If Addison were to jot down the days she's allowed to forget forever, the fifth of May was definitely right at the top of the list… with today, a close second.
That dark day almost a decade ago held one of the most dreadful memories she masochistically holds on to with a tight grip, yet desperately tucks at the back of her mind, far enough to be forgotten.
Every single day, without fail, she sees Henry and his smile, his laugh, and she keeps thinking about flying to Seattle to tell her ex-husband the one last secret she had been holding from him for almost a decade.
Now, she was too late.
May 5, 2003
She walked down the hallway, feeling sluggish and unwell yet still pushing through the day. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd had back-to-back surgeries for two days straight now… which was actually a normal occurrence at least thrice a week as an attending.
Yet, the past weeks made her more tired than usual. She just chucks it away to stress, because who wouldn't be when you are balancing a highly demanding career and a rocky marriage with an indifferent husband?
She remembered two days ago, when he gave her an hour heads up that he would be in a conference in LA for two fucking weeks. He would be gone for the next two weeks, and she just knew about it an hour before he was supposed to leave.
He called every other day. Calls which last for an exact 10 minutes, before he claimed to be tired after being caught up with this doctor and that doctor, and it infuriated Addison to no end… at the same time, she was used to it.
Birthdays and anniversaries, he missed. What's two weeks of minimal contact?
She pushed the door to the Chief's office, as their scheduled one-on-one quarterly meeting started a few minutes ago.
"Surgery?" Anderson asked, gesturing to the seat directly in front his table.
"You got it." Addison gave a tired smile as she almost sat with all her weight on the chair.
They spent almost an hour talking about her department's budget allocation, with Addison distracted, constantly fidgeting in her seat as she had an unexplainable feeling settling over her body.
Everything seemed like it was fading away. Soon as she heard the Chief's dismissal, things briefly cleared.
Apparently, that wasn't the case. As soon as she stood up, she came crashing down, with no memory of what happened afterwards.
She came to consciousness a few hours later, with the Chief welcoming her back to the real world with the news of miscarriage, and "if she wants to call someone 'cause he had not yet called anyone other than Derek, who declined his calls."
There was no point telling anyone, more so Derek, when he obviously didn't care enough. Four months she was pregnant with their child and she failed to notice, so what was the point?
Addison was discharged three days before Derek came back home. She went on her days, as if nothing had happened.
He walked to the light, body filled with pain. As Derek got closer, things started to feel better, and it was as satisfying as the pot he and Mark tried back in college.
So he went on, despite a voice at the back of his mind whispering something he once understood—the meaning of this bright light.
Everything cleared when he was finally consumed by it, transported to the shoreline of a never ending peaceful beach.
His feet were wet, and he found himself smiling. The calm that settled in his body was too satisfying to even get sad upon the fact that he knew this was death, and there was no way back.
He felt a pull near him, making him look around.
A girl with red hair and deep-seated eyes stood before him, staring with a beautiful smile on her face.
For a moment, he thought he was back in med school, life changed forever as Addison Montgomery first smiled at him.
Yet those eyes were definitely similar to the ones he used to see in the mirror.
"Hi, Dad. It's great to finally meet you."
Fin.