A/N: Another Ram story. Semi-serious, semi-crackfic. Consider this an alternate route to Ram Gets Roasted. Credit to The Writing Pupil from the ReZero Fanfiction Discord server for the prompt. This was fun as hell to write.
Ram Gets Roasted: Curse IF
Sometimes, large changes can happen in the world without a single person noticing. It can be as small as a misshapen snowflake, or as large as a person's death.
One of these changes would come to affect the lives of those within the Annerose Mansion.
A world where the Roast Gods do not so freely grant their blessings.
A world where a certain spirit's plans for her contractor are almost as sweet as the sweets she held in her bag.
A world, where Ram continues to suffer...but not at the hands of sick roasts, but at the hands of her own nature.
A curse. A curse be upon her.
Subaru and Garfiel came down from a bout of laughter they had just shared, as Subaru had just made yet another joke concerning a rather unfortunate ex-merchant now turned Head of Internal Affairs.
Subaru had been assisting in a cleaning effort throughout the mansion instigated by the maids, with the boy lending a hand to help out.
Right now, it was only him, Frederica, Garfiel, Ram, and Petra in the mansion. Otto was there, but swamped with work, and as for Beatrice…
'Oh yeah, that's right. I was about to ask for Beako.' Subaru hummed, turning to his companion, who was sitting backwards in a nearby chair.
"So? What about Beako?"
"Betty is right here, I suppose." Before Garfiel could get out an answer, Beatrice walked towards the two, a satisfied smile on her face.
Subaru and Garfiel shared a look. Out of everything...seeing Beatrice with a smile on her face so early in the morning was definitely not normal. Especially when Subaru hadn't even interacted with her yet for the day.
Hesitantly, Subaru looked back to his contracted spirit, returning her smile with energy.
"Guess somebody finally woke up! What have you been doing all this time, sleeping beauty?" He snickered, remembering just how soundly Beatrice had slept the night before.
"Do you truly wish to know? Would you dare to wonder, I suppose?" The spirit seemed to practically shine at her contractor's acknowledgment of her actions, completely bypassing the teasing words he had prodded her with.
Of course, the way she answered only served to set up even more red flags within the heads of both boys, but now that she had phrased things that way…
Their curiosity was only fanned even further.
"Aye, m'curious s'hell too! I mean, f'I remember right, th'last time I saw yer was on yer t'the kitchen! How tha' hell didja make yer way over here so quick?" Garfiel questioned, rubbing the back of his head. Beatrice just gave a satisfied chuckle, looking off to the side.
"While Betty would usually not answer a question phrased so crudely...let us simply say that she accomplished already what she wished to, I suppose~."
"Hmm? What you wanted to? What, were you trying to make something in the kitchen?"
"Yeah, s'what I assumed after smellin' that bag that ya' had!"
Beatrice shook her head to the two's simple questions.
"It is no use wondering about it. Betty hardly believes that you two would even be able to begin to guess it, in fact." She stated smugly, leaving the two in false outrage.
"H-hey, I can probably guess whatever lame thing ya' did jus' fine!" Garfiel retorted, trying to sound as confident as possible. Beatrice held both arms out, shaking her head at his acting.
"Ha! It is no use trying to show pretend confidence. Betty can see through you as easily as clear glass, I suppose."
"Why ya-!"
"Hold it, Garfiel." Subaru had put aside his mop, resting a hand on the young demihuman's shoulder. An evil grin slowly came to his face. "Beako may be giving us the ol' runaround, but I know just how to make her spill the beans…"
"Hmph, if you are speaking of attempting to overwhelm Betty with praise, such underwhelming tactics will not suffice! Betty has already bolstered her de-"
Beatrice paused, as she saw Subaru's hands...no, more accurately, his fingers, wriggling in the air. She knew what that meant...her eyes widened in horror.
"Cap'n...you're unleashin' it?! Right here, right now?!" Garfiel yelled, looking at his boss with terror-filled eyes. Subaru gave a solemn nod.
"That's right, Garfiel...the tickle monster! Sorry in advance, Beako!" And with those words, Subaru dashed right at the little spirit...who immediately began to run away, shaking her head.
"Do not be foolish! Betty would never allow herself to be caught by such a simple scheme, I suppose! Those hands of yours will never reach me!"
"After her, Garfiel! We've got ourselves an adorable little spirit on the run!" Subaru commanded, with Garfiel giving a salute to his captain's orders.
"Aye-aye, sir!"
With those words, the two ran right after Beatrice, chasing her through the halls of the mansion.
Yes, there was only two people in the entirety of this mansion that knew just what Beatrice was so happy about. That, of course being Beatrice's victim…
A pair of dark red eyes stared out from the darkness, slowly turning to track the movement of Subaru and his group. As if something was slowly being broken, a cracking sound echoed from their direction.
That person's mind wandered to just what they had suffered at the hands of the now merrily-running Great Spirit.
Earlier that day...
Ram was beginning her cleaning through the mansion, starting off much earlier than the others. She was looking forward to holding it over Subaru's head just how much work she'd accomplished after all...but her true desire was not to be outdone by Frederica.
After all, their small rivalry was far from gone, and without Roswaal in the mansion, all Rem had was motivation to outdo the blonde demihuman.
'Of course, I'm sure that I didn't need to get up this early just to outdo Barusu. He's quite helpless at mostly anything, besides a few choice tasks. Wiping that annoying smile from Frederica's face is my main goal.'
With those thoughts, the maid began her cleaning in the kitchen...where she stumbled upon a table, that had a cup on it. Ram didn't know just what this was, so she was, of course, cautious at first.
Setting aside her cleaning tools, she approached the table, leaning down to stare at it. Catching a whiff of the aroma, it was...absolutely delightful. The most Ram could tell was that it seemed to be some sort of tea, freshly made, if the steam wafting off of the top was any indication.
And below it was…
"A note?" Ram hummed, sliding a piece of paper from below the cup. She narrowed her eyes at it. "This seems to be Beatrice-sama's handwriting."
The note read:
'Dear Pink-haired maid. Betty has no reason to tell you why, but I have been experimenting with some different kinds of teas.
I do not know exactly what your preference is, but at the very least, if it is something you find good, it will quite certainly be good enough for anyone, I suppose.
Feel free to give this cup a try, and tell me what you think of it. Though, with your sense for tea-making, I'm unsure of just how useful such thoughts will be, in fact.
-Beatrice.'
"There were some quite unnecessary comments in there, Beatrice-sama." Ram grumbled, immediately crumpling up the paper in her hands. Her tea was more than fine – though of course, not as good as her steamed tatoes.
Taking a moment to be proud of her culinary and tea-making skills (however lacking they were in reality), Ram then returned to the subject at hand. She wasn't how sure she felt about drinking unknown tea, especially after Beatrice's smug, extra words...but she eventually gave in to the thought.
"It's just tea. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have something to settle my stomach. Although I would much rather prefer something I made, myself." With a sigh, the pink-haired maid picked up the teacup, slowly putting it to her lips.
A nice mild, cinnamon flavor washed over her tongue, and it was surprisingly...surprisingly very delicious.
'I suppose if there's one thing Beatrice-sama was constantly doing, it was making tea and reading. I still believe that I could beat her, though.'
Yet, even as she reluctantly enjoyed the pleasant flavor of the tea, something felt off to her. The tingling sensation on her tongue from the heat of the tea stayed there for too long.
In fact – it felt like her tongue was burning!
'What...what is this sensation?!'
Hurriedly, Ram let her tongue press past her lips. It was an impolite gesture, but that didn't quite matter when the tip of her tongue felt like it was being fucking branded by a hot iron.
On the tip of the tongue – the cause of her pain made itself quite clear. There was some symbol that had been engraved onto her tongue, glowing extremely faintly as traces of mana lifted off of it.
'What? Where did this mark come from?'
As the heat from the inflicted mark began to calm down, Ram's thoughts were once more allowed to properly focus themselves. And of course, the first thing on her mind was just where the hell the new symbol on her tongue had appeared.
Of course, Ram was by no means an idiot. Her eyes immediately shifted to glare at the teacup she had put down in the hurry she'd had to inspect her tongue.
Almost conveniently, yet another note was below it. To Ram's knowledge, it had never been there. In fact, this was the first time she was seeing it.
She ripped the note from under the cup, forcing it in front of her eyes.
It read:
'So I suppose you've fallen for Betty's trap hook, line and center? You could only have if you were reading this note.
Betty's special 'tea' has just inflicted a curse upon you. Nothing serious, mind you. Betty is not a proper shaman, after all.
It is a rather simple curse, in fact. Any time you address Betty's contractor with those foul words of yours, or call him by that improper name...you will face a rather interesting punishment.
Betty is quite tired of seeing you two play this game of insults. Especially you, pink-haired maid. If you cannot show respect to Betty's contractor on your own, then I will simply have to make you, I suppose.
As Betty's contractor would say, enjoy your 'character development'.'
Once more, Ram crumpled up the note in her palm, tightly forming a fist around it. She was practically seething at the contents of the note.
Yet, there was nothing she could do about it. The only one in the mansion who could remove curses right now was Beatrice. To begin with, Ram didn't even know the type of curse or the specifications of how the spell was made.
She was helpless…and that was the most annoying part of all.
So all Ram could do was scream her frustration.
"BEATRICE-SAMA!"
From somewhere around the corner, Beatrice snickered to herself, walking away in satisfaction back to the bedroom she and her contractor shared.
'It serves you right, I suppose.' She thought, humming a light tune to herself as she made her way from the kitchen.
Ram watched from a certain hallway as Subaru and company passed by. She grit her teeth upon catching sight of the boy, almost completely splintering the broom in her hand with how hard she was gripping onto it.
It wasn't like this was his fault, but she just couldn't help but feel some uncontrollable urge rising up in her when she saw him.
Before she knew it, her mouth was moving.
"That idiot Barusu...he contracted Beatrice-sama and he can't even keep her whims in control?"
Only after she had spoken, did Ram realize what a foolish mistake she had made. "W-Wait-!"
But before she could say anything, she was spirited away out of the hall in a flash, leaving behind nothing but her half-cracked broom on the ground.
Petra peeked around the corner, looking down to the broken broom. "A broken broom…? That's weird, I thought I at least heard Ram-nee-sama around here…"
"-Petra!" Frederica's voice called, alerting the bow-wearing girl to get moving. She dashed back, leaving the odd scene for the moment.
"Coming!"
As for Ram…
Teleport 1
She opened her eyes only to find herself in an empty field, a completely desolate area with nothing in it. Though, Ram couldn't quite tell, because her vision was blurry. She wiped her eyes, getting them clean...and only then, did she realize what a fucked up situation she was in.
For some reason, Ram was surrounded by nothing but crazed-looking people, all wearing red robes that just barely covered their naked bodies beneath.
Her jaw almost dropped to the ground...and then they all started raising their arms in praise.
"It is the ancient one!"
"It is the ancient one's servant!"
"Truly, we have managed to summon a messenger of the ancient one!"
"Yes, the ancient one's chosen servant, greater than even that of the Witches!"
Cheers came from all around, directed right at Ram. Only looking down, did she realize that she was standing on some sort of ornate jewel-encrusted granite altar, that elevated her high above the ground.
Yes.
After insulting Subaru, Ram had been teleported into the middle of some sort of cultist ritual, and now they were hailing her as a god. They weren't even a serious threat like the Witch's Cult, just some random gathering of skimpily-dressed people...
She still had no words to say about just how ridiculous this situation was...
"Now then, everyone! We must follow as the ancient 'BDSM Guidebook' from the ancient one's world dictates!"
'BDSM? What is that?!'
The confused Oni was only even more confused by these unfamiliar, extreme terms suddenly directed at her.
One of the women ripped off her clothing, revealing that she was wearing some sort of...leather mask...and skintight fitting leather suit? To her horror, each and every member followed, all wearing this outfit that made them look like utter sexual deviants.
"PLEASE PUNISH US, MISTRESS!"
With that yell, each and every one of them began to rush up to the altar, desperately aiming for Ram. She didn't even have time to think about the situation anymore.
"...EL FULA!"
And so, out of fear for her life, fear for her chastity, and disgust for the gimp-suit wearing cultists around her, Ram started blasting. It was going to be a long trip back home.
"AHN~!"
Yet...her 'enemies' just seemed to be enjoying it. This...this was going to be a very long, and dirty day.
Ram shuddered as she continued her diligent cleaning of one of the rooms. It had taken her literal days just to get back to the mansion...and the one to greet her had been none other than the Great Spirit.
When she'd demanded answers about just what was going on, the Great Spirit simply replied:
"Betty can easily track where you are during your 'travels', of course. So, she shall always be the one to greet you first. It is useful for keeping away suspicion, I suppose." A smirk then came to her face. "I do hope you enjoyed your first journey. If you wish to return, Betty advises you keep some coins on you. If you remain a stubborn girl, your 'travels' shall only become longer and longer. You'll need money for transportation, I suppose."
Ignoring the Great Spirit's words, Ram had marched inside. She knew Beatrice wouldn't truly hurt her, so of course she tried to report what was going on to the people of the mansion...but they just seemed entirely unfazed. It was like they hadn't even noticed she disappeared.
It was only later that Ram would find out that Beatrice had been serving her sweet cinnamon 'tea' to everyone. And they received a different 'curse' than she. It was truly more of a magically implanted suggestion than anything.
Every time Ram 'traveled', they would become less suspicious of it. They wouldn't ask questions, or wonder where she went. They'd just ignore her, like she was on a vacation or something.
In short: Ram was absolutely fucked.
"What's wrong, Ram? You look like you've got something that's tying ya in a knot." Subaru asked, looking up from his spot besides her.
And of course...there was this boy. The current reason her 'curse' was so bad. She had to attempt being nice to Bar-no, Subaru, or else that curse would activate and take her to some odd place again.
Again, she felt chills run down her back. She didn't want to think of what she'd had to get through just to walk out of that place unscathed...but she still felt dirty just thinking about it.
"No, Subaru-kun. There is absolutely nothing wrong." Ram responded politely, letting out a sigh at her unfortunate circumstances.
Of all the people to work alongside her for her duties that day, why did it have to be him? It was like fate was conspiring against her to bring her as many chances to fuck up as possible.
But Ram was no basic bitch. She could do anything if she put her strength to it. And refraining from wasting any words on someone like Subaru was easy enough for her.
'Bring it on, Beatrice-sama. If you believe you can truly trip me up, then you shall be sorely disappointed. That curse won't be activating anytime soon.'
"Anyways, that tea that you served today? Man, that was as awful as always, huh? You know, I think you could really stand to learn something from Beako about that." Subaru chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.
"And just where do you get off with giving me suggestions, Barus-"
Of course, Ram failed to her nature almost instantly…and she noticed her mistake just as instantly, her eyes widening in horror. She tried to run, but of course, she couldn't get away from the mark on her tongue.
"Damn it...DAMN IT-"
Before she could yell out her frustrations, Ram was again spirited away.
Subaru, left behind, could only hum. "Wow...Ram sure does love her vacations, huh? Ah well, gotta get back to cleaning! Tella-tan, you mind helpin' me out a bit?"
The boy didn't even bat an eye as the Witch of Envy herself manifested before him, a small smile visible on her hooded face. "Of course, darling…" The silver-haired half-elf picked up a broom and began to sweep along in the room, as Subaru worked on dusting off the furniture.
While Ram was off having hear own odd journey, Subaru was casually working on chores together with the Witch of Envy, Satella.
...Wait, what?
Teleport 2
Ram woke up in a place even more unfamiliar to her. A dark, quiet cave...it was a place that seemed to completely lack life, or even any sign of life ever having previously been there.
"Alright, so..that's life in the Witch Cult. You don't get a regular salary or anything, but, we do promise to connect you with a network of other Witch Cult backed members. The insurance is actually rather good, as well. We do not guarantee anything if you have to serve directly under an Archbishop, however."
The Oni was even more quiet as her eyes adjusted to the dark and showed her an even more ridiculous sight – a room filled with suit-wearing people, all wearing the classic Witch Cult mask over their faces. A man stood in the front, writing down on a blackboard, presumably the one who was talking.
"Teacher!" One man's hand shot up, with the man in the front nodding and turning to him. "What about Pandora? I've heard that the guys who work under her don't have to do anything, since she just does all the work herself!"
The students clamored, before the teacher silenced them with a hit on the whiteboard.
"Calm down, calm down. Yes, working under Pandora-sama is usually regarded as one of the best posts one can have. Usually her very existence is kept secretive, but considering all of you are high-level members, I believe you're allowed to hold that information."
Someone in the back could be heard shouting something about 'Protodora Supremacy' but nobody bothered to actually listen to whoever that was.
Ram felt her anger boiling up in her, at the ridiculousness of this situation, and at being in such close proximity to so many Witch Cult members…
"Heh, it's a good thing Petelgeuse duty doesn't exist anymore. He either just randomly killed you or used you as a finger! Anyone remember Ginger Finger?! She had dreams to be a singer in the capital! It was fucked up she had to die cause he was a shitty boss!"
"Yeah-!"
"Yeah! Justice for Ginger Finger!"
"Archbishops that just kill their allies are trash anyways!"
The rest of the students clamored around this one student, who seemed to be particularly passionate on the topic of this 'ginger finger' that had now passed away.
"Oi. You guys don't even remember her name, do you? You're literally just calling her Ginger Finger."
At the teacher's logical words, nobody could really fire anything back in response, the crowd quickly quieting down. The man let out a sigh, bringing a hand to his face.
"Alright...before one of those archbishops comes in here and murders us all for saying such insubordinate things, I'll take one more question." His eyes scanned over the crowd, before picking out a dark hand at the back. "Yes, you there, with the hateful eyes?"
"Yes. I was wondering, sir, are there any reinforcements or security outside? If I were to kill all of you, would anyone discover me or come here?"
"Aaaah, a question truly befitting of an aspiring high-level member of the Witch's Cult! No, this cave is completely isolated, and nobody would be able to identify any culprit, were they to commit a high level massacre of some sort."
The dark figure gave a stern nod, red eyes piercing through the darkness.
"Right...that's good, I'll be free to exterminate all of you scum, in that case."
"Wait wh-"
"AL FULAAAAAAA!"
Without mercy, Ram unleashed the most powerful spell she could onto the room, utterly obliterating all inside with sharp blades of wind that tore into their bodies and shattered their eardrums.
"T-THIS BETTER BE IN THE DAMN INSURAAAAAAAAAAANCE…!"
One of the members yelled as they were ripped to shreds, forgetting the fact that health insurance didn't really matter when you were already dead.
This trip took much longer than the last one to return from. Rather than 30 miles, Ram had to make her way back through 60 miles, instead. It seemed that whenever she was spirited away, she would be teleported further and further away, with 30 miles coming on with each and every further teleport.
Or, in the worst case scenario...the miles were doubling. Meaning that if she were to teleport again, she might teleport 120 miles. And so on, so forth...
"Just stop being so stubborn. All Betty wants to hear from your lips is an honest promise to treat her contractor with a bit more respect than you usually do." Beatrice had said to her, as she forced her way back through the mansion doors.
She hadn't even given the Great Spirit a response.
'At the very least, that last trip gave me the opportunity to properly eradicate some Witch Cultist scum.' Ram let out a sigh, working away in the kitchen at peeling some tatoes. She placed a finished one in a separate bowl, and grabbed a freshly unpeeled one. While allowing her mind to wander, the maid mindlessly turned her knife, smoothly peeling the new tatoe she had picked up.
She wasn't quite single-mindedly focused on the Witch Cult, but she would not have simply ignored a large meeting of them in front of her, either. Ram was far away from being that lenient towards those who had destroyed her home. Though, admittedly, she didn't care much for the people in the village, there was simply some feeling nagging at her that she'd truly lost something important…
Letting go of those dark thoughts, however, Ram had a much more pressing issue. One that was quite ironically in the same room as her, again.
'Just what is this?!' She stared forward at the boy in front of her, who was casually mixing the broth of a soup while humming a tune only he knew. Of course, Petra and Frederica were in the kitchen as well, working on their own tasks in the corner…
But the real problem here was Subaru, who tilted his head to look back at the three girls.
Ram's breath hitched in her throat as she felt Subaru's gaze settle on her. This was the first, and only way he'd ever make her heart skip a beat – by scaring the shit out of her.
'All I have to do is ignore him. Be cordial with him, but not overly friendly...but, wait, I can't ignore him, either, as it might be interpreted as rude. That's fine, a workaround is simple. For once, I simply have to take a quiet role in the background...'
"Man, I never thought I'd have to help out in the kitchen like this. What was happening today, again? I mean, usually you guys could handle it on your own."
"Annerose-sama and Roswaal-sama are entertaining some guests, possible political backers for Emilia-sama." Frederica explained simply, not taking her eye off of the cutting board she was working at.
The blonde demihuman was gently guiding Petra in properly cutting some vegetables, showing the girl the proper technique in doing so.
"Man, so it's gonna be an important day for Emilia-tan, after all." The boy grinned, flexing his arm muscle. "Then, I'll have to do my best, huh?!"
Frederica giggled lightly at this behavior. "Please do, Subaru-sama."
Out of the whole group, however, there was one person who seemed less-than-assured of their place within the kitchen.
"I'm still a little nervous...I'm just a junior maid, is it really alright if I help out when such important people are coming here?" Petra asked, her hands and voice quivering slightly in clear anxiety.
Subaru paused his stirring, giving the bow-wearing girl a meaningful smile. "You don't gotta worry about a thing, Petra. Everyone knows just how hard you've been working. Frederica's been helping you along every step of the way, I've been watching you improve, and even Ram has to admit you're doing good, right Ram?"
"...Yes, you are right, Subaru-kun. Petra has admittedly come rather far for a trainee, in the span of less than a year. Even if her reasons for joining were somewhat impure."
"-Hey!"
Petra blushed, as everyone in the room managed to share a small laugh at the misfortune of the little maid. Those jokes managed to clear away her nervousness, instead bringing a pure smile to her face.
Oddly...Ram felt much the same way. It was not truly her style to be so placid and polite, not whenever Subaru was involved, at least. However, she came to begin understanding that this situation was not that bad, either.
Maybe it was fine to let go of her superiority over the boy and just treat him like an equal friend…?
"So, Ram, how's the 'tatoe peeling going? I'm a little worried I'll screw up, but I'm sure you'll handle it. It's your signature dish, after all!"
"Of course I would not 'screw this up'." One could almost her the pride in her voice, with the Oni practically sparkling as she held up a perfectly peeled tatoe. "On the contrary, I am more worried about your ability to properly watch that pot, Subaru-kun. You may be a man of good timing when it counts, but nearly careless anywhere els-"
Without even being able to react this time, Ram was once again spirited away mid-sentence, leaving the kitchen missing one more helper.
"Ram-nee-sama really loves her vacations, huh?" Petra said simply, a small smile on her face.
"I'm going to have to start asking Roswaal-sama to deduct those vacation days of hers from her paycheck…" Frederica let out an annoyed sigh, as she now had to leave Petra to go and cover her 'tatoe peeling.
Subaru just smiled slightly, looking down at the pot.
'I was just happy to be in the kitchen like this again...the only thing we're missing here right now is…'
The picture of a blue-haired Oni flashed into his mind, causing his hands to stop moving. Frederica looked up, noticing his sudden pause.
"Is something wrong, Subaru-sama?"
Almost like clockwork, the boy continued to work at the pot, shaking his head, as if to rid himself of the thoughts that were building up inside.
"Nah. Nothing's wrong, Frederica-san."
Teleport 3
Ram opened her eyes to immediately notice...she was in free-fall. Below her, there was nothing but the harsh ground, and some nearby forest surrounding the large opening she was falling towards.
She felt the wind whipping around her body, and against her clothing, as her fall continued to just bring her closer and closer to what would be a sure death for nearly other person.
The woman let out a sigh, seeming quite unfazed at her predicament. Of course, this sort of problem was easy for her to fix. She was sure Beatrice must've known that, and fine-tuned her curse to allow such things as being summoned mid-air.
"At the very least, this is more manageable than ending up in some sort of cult-like surrounding."
The girl waited for a few seconds, just before she reached the ground, and then outstretched her palms.
"EL FURA!"
With a well-timed blast of wind magic, the Oni managed to stop her fall, canceling her momentum out to slow her impact down to nothing but a soft roll against the dirt. She wiped off her clothing.
"This is truly beginning to get annoying...to think that Beatrice-sama would force me to endure such a curse while knowing well how infuriating…" She wanted to say more, but held her tongue. Any more, and she'd be teleported even further away without even having a chance to return this time.
Ram headed off in a random direction at full speed, hoping to find the nearest town as quickly as possible. With the money she'd brought (she hated listening to Beatrice's smug words, but it was necessary) and the proof that she was indeed a maid of the Mathers domain, it would be all too easy to secure a dragon-drawn carriage to return home.
Just barely, Ram missed a man who was staring at the spot she had just landed in with wide eyes.
"Did...did I just see some random chick appear in the sky, blast herself from death with magic, and then walk off like nothing happened?" The man blinked twice, then rubbed his eyes.
"...You know what? I have to stay off of that Hoshin-brand lean."
For once, Ram was the one who appeared odd to someone else.
Once again, Ram returned to the mansion in due time. And once again, she was greeted by a Beatrice who repeated her demands – that she just wanted her contractor and Ram to get along like true equals.
And again, Ram did not respond to these wishes, and would barely manage to interact politely with Subaru, only to be blasted away to some obscene place by the curse placed on her.
The teleports became difficult to count after a while.
Teleport 5
Ram appeared in some person's house while they were bathing, having to run away from a screaming village as they chased her out, assuming her to be some sort of peeping tom or pervert...or so she thought, at first, until they began to shout after her in desperation,
"WAIT, WE ACTUALLY WANTED YOU TO LOOK AT US-!"
Hearing those words only made Ram run faster, faster than she'd ever ran before. She had no doubt that a horrible fate was waiting for her if she got caught by the people of that village.
Teleport 8
She ended up in some random frozen river, having to punch her way out before she turned into an icicle inside of it. While she would never know it, her name would end up being praised at some nearby fishing villages, who had been experiencing a serious famine due to the year's low temperatures freezing over the waters.
For her, it was quite literally a breeze, but they had no way of cracking the incredibly strong ice.
Nobody had seen her face as she emerged, but some had seen her hair. They began calling her the 'Pink-haired Goddess of the River Harvest'.
"...I feel as if some asinine title is being bestowed upon me." Ram muttered, riding in a dragon carriage back to the Miload mansion.
She'd come home shivering, realizing only then that the cold in that river hadn't been natural, but likely put in place by some malicious magic user. After all, the fact that she could still feel it in her bones after days indicated that it was no natural drop in her temperature.
After her usual snarky greeting from Beatrice (along with the Great Spirit removing whatever spell or curse had been keeping her cold), she'd headed inside...only to see that Subaru had drawn a nice, hot bath for her.
Apparently after hearing the situation from Beatrice ahead of time, he'd rushed to get it ready for her, and didn't ask for a single thing in return.
Ram had never really had it directed at herself, so it was something she didn't immediately realize...but Natsuki Subaru was truly a kind boy.
Teleport 11
She found herself in some random city in Kararagi, where she proceeded to go to the nearest bar, and drink herself to sleep.
The Oni would wake up the next morning with no idea what happened, but within that city, there would forever be known a legend of the Drunk One-Horned Party God.
Nobody knew who it was, but everyone could agree on one thing – the mysterious pink-haired girl had held the largest, most liveliest, craziest-ass party anyone had ever seen, all just out of one small bar where she'd drank her ass off.
It wasn't just there, but every city she passed through, she'd gotten absolutely wasted, trying to forget about her problems. It was never her style to ignore her issues, but this inescapable loop was something that could only be coped with by taking on such a mindset, even momentarily.
Again, it had been Subaru that helped her when she got home. Considering that Roswaal was again out, he was the one who took the time to look over her and nurse her extreme hangovers away.
It was at this point, that Ram and Subaru began to forge an unlikely friendship.
Teleport 15
She expected another loop where she'd have to deal with perverts, but she was conveniently teleported into some random ancient place that held a mysterious device.
Once she'd touched it, it removed her clothes, with an inhuman voice coming from it that said.
"There is no pervert meme. Take off your clothes."
Then she'd had to do a complete utter and embarrassing walk of shame through a village, only able to sew some leaves and vines to cover herself. She had gotten lucky enough to find some rags, though.
Once she made her way back to the mansion, she'd tried to sneak in...but rather than Beatrice answering the door, worst of all, it was...Subaru.
She'd expected him to say some perverted remark, or to make fun of her…but he'd just kindly called the girls of the mansion, letting them tend to her with a smile. He did joke a little about it, but he otherwise just treated her like a friend who needed some rest and recovery.
Yet...she still ended up slipping up on the terms of her curse.
Teleport 20
Ram didn't even know how far the range went out anymore. She didn't even know if her range theory was even right, in the first place.
At this point, she was just tired. She was caught in a never-ending loop of suffering just because she couldn't get over the small amount of pride that didn't allow her to treat Subaru as a simple friend.
Deep down, Ram knew that she already saw him that way. She enjoyed spending time with him. She enjoyed the life he brought to the mansion. And obviously, she owed him more than she could ever repay in a lifetime.
Yet, her nature just didn't allow her to simply treat him the way Beatrice wanted her to treat him.
This time, she just ignored everything, and headed straight home. And again, she was teleported away.
Teleport ?
"...This is it." Ram let out an exhale, one large enough to let out every bit of air she was holding in her lungs.
Her very last teleport had brought her to the top of a mountain, a mountain at the very edge of the known world. She could metaphorically see where the end of the continent was.
An ocean, that extended far into the great unknown...presumably past which only lied the edge of the Great Waterfall.
Her pride had quite literally taken her to the end of the world.
If she were to fail just one more time, she would actually die. Or at the very least, be thrown into some unknown. She was sure that Beatrice wouldn't actually let her die, but, well, she knew the alternative was likely something like just getting forced through the loop again, starting from the beginning.
"Is it really worth it?" She murmured to herself, closing her eyes. Ram's brand of particular tough love wasn't meant to be mean-spirited. Yes, she was a hard-ass, but she mostly did it because she knew those who she spoke to could become better.
In her own way, her insults to Subaru were part playful, but part just the way she showed her closeness with him.
At the same time...she could see that that behavior was not always good.
She had no gauge on how much it was hurting his feelings or not. Usually, that was just because she didn't really care what others thought about her – but sometimes, insults weren't the best thing to say. Her blunt honesty was what made her, but she considered that, likely, it could also be part of what pushed others away from her at times.
What could things be like if she turned over a new leaf? If it was her pride that had trapped her in this hellish loop of naked perverts, cultists, and being immortalized in random folk tales...was it really that bad to just change herself slightly to leave it?
Ram would still be herself...just...slightly different. And all of it would be on her own terms.
"It's fine to try it. Just this once."
Beatrice stood by the entrance of the Miload mansion, her arms folded and a drab look on her face. She rolled her eyes as Ram came into view.
It had been months since Beatrice sent Ram on her initial 'trip'. Almost a full year, in fact. And somewhere through, Beatrice had just stopped speaking to the maid.
In a way, she almost felt bad. At the same time...the trips were mostly harmless. While the places were random, the Great Spirit had modified the curse to only send Ram to situations she could return alive from.
It was quite the complex curse, but with the knowledge of her Mother's forbidden magic in her head, it was quite easy to concoct. She would not be specializing in curses anytime soon, however.
Lost in her thoughts, Beatrice didn't even notice that Ram was now at the door. She came back to her senses, opening the door without a word to let the wayward maid inside. However...Ram did not walk in as usual.
"...Hm? Is something wrong, I suppose?" Beatrice looked up, and was surprised to see the expression on her face. Ram held a light, mysterious smile. A smile which seemed to indicate that she had found out something that Beatrice could not possibly guess.
"Nothing at all. I am simply glad to be back, Beatrice-sama."
"Glad to be back...don't tell me you are beginning to derive enjoyment from your 'trips' of punishment. I always assumed you were much more of a sadist than masochist." The little spirit hummed, wondering just what this 'discovery' was that Ram had maid. As always, she just assumed her provocation to be ignored...but Ram actually replied, even chuckling as she did.
"Those words do hurt, for someone who put me on such a sadistic journey, themselves. I believe you might require a mirror, Beatrice-sama."
"Why you-!"
Quite frankly, the lighthearted exchange surprised Beatrice. The last time she'd talked to Ram properly was a memory she could not even summon up in her head.
Of course, she definitely didn't expect them to just be joking like this…
"Well then," With a bow, Ram headed right on inside, and moved her way deeper into the mansion.
"Hmm...perhaps Betty will not have to keep watch on this door anymore?" The Great Spirit followed her in, a small, knowing smile on her face.
Ram made her way around the mansion, greeting those inside, acting much her usual self...until she finally happened upon a certain boy, who was happily writing away in his notebook about something.
Without announcing herself, the pink-haired Oni stepped into his room, walking to his shoulders and staring at his notepad. It seemed to be some sort of plan. The most she could see over his shoulders was 'Places to go with Emilia-tan!'
"And what nonsense are you writing now, Subaru?"
"Gah! Man, don't sneak up on me, Ram!"
While it would've been definitely odd for Ram to call Subaru so casually a while ago, this sort of intimacy between the two wasn't odd, anymore. She'd come to begin naturally calling him by his name, and he calling her by hers. There was nothing deep there – simply a familiarity that the two now shared.
"You don't need to tell me, I can already tell. Knowing that perverted mind of yours, you're thinking of places you can kidnap Emilia-sama to, aren't you?"
"Geh...man, I really need to be more discreet with this stuff...Anyways, why are you even here? Another issue with one of your vacations?"
It was odd yet again. Despite Ram still holding some questionable words for the boy, her curse did not activate. Yes, these were not insults...more like friendly banter. The tone held between them was completely different.
"I suppose it is something like that. I actually wished to ask you something rather simple, Subaru."
"...Well, it makes me kinda nervous when you speak like that, but, well, go ahead. I'll listen."
Ram took a deep breath, as she thought of all she'd suffered through over the past year. The perverts, the streaking, the near-death experiences...and said the words she never thought she'd ever say to the boy in front of her.
"Would you mind being my...friend? I know that I have always treated you rather harshly, even if it wasn't my intent to hurt. And of course, I do still believe some of the things I said...after all you can be hopeless, perverted, sometimes clumsy...no, you can be that way a lot of the time...but none of that truly makes you a bad person. You're worth no less because of that. At the very least...I want to begin from a new, proper starting line with you."
Subaru stared at the girl with a blank look in his eyes. There was a palpable silence, a few seconds of absolute quiet. Ram began to doubt herself – wondering if she was too late, wondering if she had already said or done something she should not have-
"Man, that's it? You seriously had me worried with all of that buildup...like this was gonna be some sort of drama movie or something. I mean, hearing you ask, yourself really makes me happy, but..." He snickered. "You and me – we're already friends, Ram!"
This exclamation from Subaru left the Oni speechless…
All of her struggles…
Every ridiculous teleport location she'd been forced through…
All of that…
And what freed her from it was a simple sentence from the boy in front of her.
Ram couldn't stop herself from giggling alongside Subaru as well, at the sheer absurdity of it all. It was uncharacteristic of her, but in that moment, it just burst forth from her.
She didn't even notice the sensation of tingling easing off of the tip of her tongue, as the dark mark slowly faded away from her…
Yes, it was a happy day for the both of them...as a new, stronger friendship had just been born.
And while Ram might never know it herself, the words she uttered to Subaru that day saved him, just a little. It made him recognize that his efforts truly were seen...that even if he could never get back those relationships he had once forged in loops foregone, that he could at least enjoy what could be had, what could be formed, now.
'You'll be mega happy when you wake up...isn't that right, Rem?'
With those last thoughts from the raven-haired boy, the curtains close on this stage.
A curse, a bond, a trial, a right borne from wrong.
A ton of bullshit that nobody would dare to have undergone.
I mean seriously, how many perverts are there in this world? And why is nobody talking about the Witch of Envy?
Hello?! Am I not getting heard h-