New year's day

"All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
I want to be with you
Be with you, night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
On New Year's Day"

Anna looked through the nursery's window to the falling snowflakes. Comfortably seated into the large rocking-chair, she was holding a sleeping Joanna against her chest. Five minutes ago, the nearly fifteen-month-old baby had woken up from her nap after sleeping only half an hour. Sensing that she had not had her content of sleep, Anna had taken her into the rocking-chair and the little girl had fallen right back to sleep. So, on this quiet December 31st afternoon, Anna sat still, enjoying what had been her favourite activity for the last fourteen months, holding her daughter close. Every now and then she would kiss the top of her head. As she did it once again, the baby suddenly took one deep breath, shifted a little, sucked hard on her pacifier, and fell back into a deep slumber, clutching her favourite raggedy doll in one hand, and her mother's shirt in the other.

- I love you, my sweet little one, murmured Anna in the baby's ear.

Looking back over the past year, Anna had to admit that it had been much better than the previous one. Despite her small weight at birth, Joanna had strived, and a few months later, her length and weight charts had joined the numbers of full-term born babies. Now, no one could tell she had been born one month early. As time went by, it became clear as day that she was going to be Anna's spitting image. She had the same pale skin, silken blond hair, and ocean blue eyes. The only notable difference was that her hair was curlier than her mother's, but then Anna's hair had been curly when she was a child, as they had been able to see in her childhood photo albums. John was obviously completely smitten with his daughter, as he had been with his wife for more than five and a half years now. Anna had gone back to work when Joanna had reached eight months. She didn't really want to leave her daughter in someone else's care, but she also missed her business and her partnership with Mary. Even if they had discussed things and made decisions together all along the time of Anna's leave, she felt bad for letting her friend shoulder all the day to day work. To soften the blow of leaving her baby, Mary had offered Anna to share her nanny. Anna had immediately loved the idea. She had been very worried to have to leave her little girl to a daycare centre, and it seemed quite out of their means to pay for a full time nanny on their own. But Anna knew Betsy, Mary's nanny, she knew Mary trusted her fully, and she knew that George and Caroline loved her. So it was with a light heart that she or John brought Joanna to Mary's house every day, and picked her up every afternoon. Fortunately, as far as it went, Joanna had remained a quiet, easy and happy baby. Even through teething or the few baby colds she had had since she was born, she had taken the discomfort gracefully. Everyone around the Bates family seemed to be under her charms, and swore they had never known a lovelier child. Those comments always made John and Anna's pride.

Looking back on that first full year as a family, the only black stain had been the time of Green's trial. A few weeks after Joanna's birth, Anna had received a letter from the DoJ, informing her that the trial was to be held in April of the following year. She had met with Tony Gillingham's lawyer to prepare for her testimony. It had been painful, and after discussing it with Isobel, she had decided not to attend the full trial. They both feared it would only unsettle her, and pull her back into her traumatic anxiety, which had been well under control for many months now. They had even discussed stopping the antidepressant treatment, but had agreed it would be wiser to try it after the trial had passed. So Anna had gone to the courthouse only to give her testimony to the court, and had not attended the rest of the debates. She had instructed her lawyer that under no circumstances the subject of her pregnancy and child was to be brought on the table. It had been quite an equilibrist's task for the attorney, but he had managed it, and all her relatives who were called to the witness stand to testify respected her wish too. John, Mary, Elsie and Thomas all gave their account of that dreadful night and the following months, without ever mentioning the existence of Joanna. And then it had happened.

At the end of John's testimony, the prosecutor had asked:

- I wonder, Mr Bates, why you, or your wife's attorney have not mentioned the fact that your wife was pregnant at the time of the assault?

Anna had not been there to hear it (and she was very grateful for it), but she remembered how John had told her about the collective gasp that had been heard around the defence benches.

- Your wife gave birth to a child at the beginning of last October, did she not, Mr Bates?

John had felt trapped, compelled by his oath to the Court to tell the truth. So he had confirmed.

- So, she must have been about one month pregnant on the day she was assaulted by Mr Green, if my maths are any good. That must have been hard to handle? Such a traumatic event at the very beginning of a pregnancy. Especially when she had already lost several pregnancies?

- It was hard, John had replied, non-committally.

He wondered silently how the man had come upon so much private information.

- I do wonder why the defence attorney has chosen to overlook that crucial fact?, the prosecutor had continued, his eyebrows raised in question, looking over to Anna's lawyer.

- My client didn't wish this topic to be discussed, the attorney had replied curtly, and I only respected her instructions.

- I see. Well she's not my client, and I think this is an important piece of information.

And this was how Green had learnt about Joanna. Fortunately the prosecutor had assumed that the baby had been born full term and that Anna was already pregnant at the time of the attack. It might have been true, for all they knew, although she would have been by a few days, not a whole month. No one had seen fit to raise the subject further and to correct him. But the harm was done, Green knew that there had been a baby.

The news that her pregnancy had been discussed against her wish had pulled Anna into another surge of anxiety, and for a few weeks after the trial, panic attacks and nightmares had come back. But time had passed and they had never heard about Green again. Either he had bought the prosecutor's version, or he didn't care to ask for more. He had been convicted and sentenced to a five-years prison time. It had been a little over a year at the time of the trial since he had been arrested, and with parole for good behaviour, he could hope to see his time reduced by a year, so she had about three years before having to worry about him being released. Two and a half now, she thought with a sigh, now that the year was over. As she mulled over the time of the trial, she felt she hated the prosecutor almost as much as Green, for spilling the beans. Obviously the man only cared about getting a conviction, and didn't mind a bit if it had to be obtained at the cost of the victim's feelings. She loathed the man, and once again was glad she had decided not to be there. It had been hard enough to hear it from her lawyer and her relatives.

She took a quick glance to her watch and shrugged out of her thoughts. She had stuff to do. They were invited tonight at Robert and Cora's for New Year's Eve, and she had promised to bring some dessert. She slowly lifted the still sleeping baby and tried to get up without waking her up.

- Come on darling, she whispered, let's put you back in your bed. Mummy has some baking to do.

She watched Joanna for a moment, making sure she stayed sound asleep, and put a blond lock out of her chubby face, before leaving the nursery.

x x x x

- I'm back, called out John as he came back from last minute grocery shopping.

He came into the kitchen and kissed Anna's cheek, then dumped his bags on the table.

- There, I got everything you ordered.

- Thank you. If you can get me the sliced almonds first, I'll be needing them now, she replied, hands in the dough.

- Your wish is my command milady. Did everything go well with Jo?

- She woke up for a moment, but I got her back to sleep alright.

- Good. I hope she's not coming down with a bug. George was having one those last days.

- Well anyway, what can we do. We'll just have to wait and see. There's nothing much we can do about it.

- That's unfortunately true… I wish there was though.

- Come on sweetie, it's only a cold. Or rather, it isn't even. It's only a suspicion of a cold. I gather we've faced worse in our history, she said pointedly.

She knew John was even more overprotective of his daughter than she was, and she liked to tease him about it sometimes.

- If we never have to deal with anything worse than baby colds, I'll be glad, she added.

- Yes, you're right, he admitted. But I don't like to see her ill or uncomfortable.

- She'll get through it. Now, might I have those almonds before tomorrow? she laughed.

- Yes, sorry.

He handed her the package, and put away the rest of the groceries.

- Do you think she'll make her first steps before the end of the year?, wondered John.

- Well she'll need to hurry, given that there is only nine hours left of it, laughed Anna.

The baby had been walking while pushing things around for more than a month, but her father couldn't wait for her to let go and make her first unaided steps.

- She'll do it when she's ready, and there's no need hurrying her, added Anna. She's not fifteen months old yet, she's not late.

- I never said she was, replied John. It's just I'm so afraid I won't be there when she does.

Anna sent him a loving smile. So that was what it was. He was afraid of missing on milestones.

- Can I do something more to help you with this? he asked, looking over her work in progress.

- I'm fine, thank you. However, if you really want to help, you could go iron my red dress for tonight.

- Alrighty ma'am.

- Thanks love, she said as he bent to peck her lips before leaving the kitchen.

x x x x

Robert and Cora Crawley had gathered all their children and closest friends at Crawley House for a festive New Year Eve dinner. The mood was light and chatter and laughter were abundant among adults while children ran around, chasing each other and yelling. Besides Mary's two children, and Joanna, there was also Sybil's daughter, and Tony Gillingham's two sons. Mary had invited him, after asking Anna if she was alright with it. In a rather unlikely fashion, after Anna's assault, Mary had reconnected with Tony and Mabel Gillingham, and they had stayed in contact ever since.

The evening passed pleasantly enough. The elder Crawleys were experienced party hosts, and good food and good wine were plenty. Just before the guests were called to the dinner table, John suggested to Anna:

- Maybe we should go put Jo to bed? If we keep her up too late she's going to be grumpy tomorrow…

- Yes, good idea. We do know that putting her to bed later will not make her wake up later.

Since she was born Joanna had always been an early riser, to her mum's despair. Anna was not a morning person, but fortunately John was, so past the time when Anna had breastfed the little girl, John had always been in charge of entertaining his daughter before eight in the morning.

- Don't worry sweetie, enjoy your evening, I'll manage her tomorrow morning. You know I never sleep past six anyway. Army's habits… So, let's go put that little one to bed, he concluded.

He turned around to scan the room for his daughter. As it was, she was holding herself up clutching to the couch's armrest, trying to get hold of a doll Caroline Crawley was showing her. The older girl stood a few feet away from Joanna, when John and Anna watched in awe their daughter let go of the couch and walk towards Caroline unsupported, only to grasp at the doll and then collapse on her little friend.

- Oh Jesus Anna, did you see that?! exclaimed John with a dazed beam. She walked! She did it! Oh my big girl!

As he marvelled, he bent down to disentangle the two kids, put Caroline back on her two feet and picked Joanna up in his arms.

- Well done my darling! added Anna who had joined them and put a hearty kiss on her daughter's cheek.

Said daughter was watching them with a serene look, holding the doll, as if wondering what the fuss was all about. She had wanted the doll, she had gone to get it, what was so extraordinary, she seemed to say.

- What's going on? asked Mary, who had heard the Bateses cheering.

- She just walked on her own! replied John.

- Oh, wow, congratulations Joanna, beamed Mary. Good way to end the year!

- Hey, see, I told you she would walk before the end of the year, teased John to Anna. Oh I'm so proud of you my darling girl! he added, pressing another proud kiss on Joanna's cheek.

- Now, what were you saying about putting her to bed? reminded Anna. We'll have plenty of time tomorrow for practising.

- Yes, you're right, admitted the dotting dad. Up to bed, young lady, said John. Her bag's already in the nursery, I guess?

- It is, replied Anna. Good night sweetie, she added, hugging and kissing her daughter once more before her father took her upstairs.

x x x x

A few hours later, most of the children had followed Joanna to bed, and the adults were preparing to celebrate the start of the New Year. They all held up their glasses of champagne and cheered on the beginning year. At one point, every one started enumerating what they were hoping for during that new year, until Robert asked:

- What about you Anna? What do you wish for this year?

After a short moment reflection, she replied:

- I'm not asking for much. Only a quiet and normal year. None of the drama we've had for the past five years, and I'll be content. A year when nothing bad happens.

- Fair enough, replied Robert, smiling. To a normal year, when nothing bad happens, he repeated, holding his glass high to Anna's wish.

Well, I guess you'll all have guessed that Anna's wish won't be fulfilled...