There is a light

"And if the terrors of the night come creeping into your days

And the world comes stealing children from your room

Know that darkness always gathers around the light

If there is a light, you can't always see,

If there is a world, we can't always be,

If there is a dark, now we shouldn't doubt,

And there is a light, don't let it go out"

John and Anna were quietly dozing in the lounge chairs on the terrace of their holiday cottage, overlooking Scarborough's seaside. It was mid-June, and the weather was rather kind for this time of the year and this part of England. Despite Anna's flourishing business, they had managed to take a few days off for some quality family time. It was one of the good sides of being one's own business's boss. Now that they had trained their help well, they could rely on them and enjoy some more free time. But the summer was bound to be loaded with work, so Anna relished those few days with her husband and her daughter, who was presently napping. As she enjoyed the light breeze on her legs and arms, and John's soft strokes on her hand, she sighed:

- Can life get any better than this?

She looked sideways to John with a smile. He gave her one smile back and made a face, as if he was thinking hard on her question.

- Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe in the West Indies? Where the sea water would be a little warmer?

She pouted:

- Yeah, I don't know. Is that really what matters?

- Maybe a little brother or sister for Jo?

She arched her eyebrows, looking more interested by this particular suggestion.

- You serious?

He looked at her shyly.

- Why not? She'll be two years old soon… Wouldn't you like to have a larger family?

She thought over it for a second.

- I guess so… I was so obsessed with having one baby, I didn't even allow myself to see further.

- And now? What do you say?

She smiled at him joyfully:

- I think I'd like it. In a little while though. Maybe next year?

- Your call. Whenever you're ready.

- Oh and maybe, fate would let us enjoy a quiet, non-dramatical pregnancy…, she mused pointedly.

- I do hope so. I'm sure that'd be a nice change.

As they both wondered silently how it would feel to enjoy a pregnancy free of all the troubles that had plagued Jo's arrival, the little girl's calls came to their ears through the baby-phone.

- Sounds like your little princess is awake, said Anna.

- My little princess? he asked with arched eyebrows. Isn't she yours too?

- You're the one who's dotting on her the most, she replied cheekily.

- This is so not true, he argued.

- Yeah right, she laughed.

- Anyway, he said breezily, I am going to pick up my little princess, and then shall we go down to the beach?

- Sure, sweetie, said Anna.

She beamed at him as he went inside the house to see Joanna. She liked to tease him about how smitten he was with their baby, but really it only made her love him more. He was the best father she could have ever dreamed of for her daughter.

When Joanna had been readied for the beach and the beach bag made up, the little family started making their short way down to the sand and the waves. As they had done every day since their arrival, they led Joanna to the seaside, and let the frisk water lick her little feet, which as every previous day, elicited the little girl's excited laughs and screams. She seemed to love playing with the moving water, not minding one bit that it was bleeding cold, as her mother pointed, showing John her red toes.

- How can she bear it?!, she yelled. She must have an isotherm feature, I don't see any other way!

John laughed, and picked up the baby, making her jump in his arms over his head, as the little girl yelled in delight:

- Woooh, that's my super-girl, who doesn't feel the cold!

As he settled her in his arms, Joanna asked for more, grabbing his cheek with her little hand:

- Wooh, Daddy, wooh!

John laughed, sighing:

- You're going to kill your old daddy, sweetheart…

Anna looked over with a "you asked for it" look:

- Hey, don't complain, you started it, she pointed.

John made Joanna jump into the air a few more times, then put her on the sand, panting:

- Sorry, sweet pea, I'm done…

- Wooh Daddy, wooh! asked the baby eagerly.

Sensing the drama incoming, Anna suggested, holding out her hand to Joanna:

- What if we made you jump between us, darling?

- Yeah! agreed the kid happily.

She fastened one hand to each of her parent's, and they walked together, making her jump ahead every few steps.

- If she makes us go all the way to the end of the beach that way, that should keep us busy until dinner time, John said, with a side smile to Anna, as Joanna kept screaming happily at each jump.

- So? asked Anna, beaming. Do you have something better to do?

- Not at all, my darling. Not a thing…

x x x x

Anna tried to feed her daughter a spoonful of soup, but the baby only whined and turned her head away.

- What is it, sweetie? asked her mother, worried. It's carrot and sweet potato, you like that.

But the little girl stubbornly refused to eat more than the few spoonfuls she had already taken. Anna let go, and tried to offer her some yogurt. The baby accepted a few spoonfuls, then again started to fuss and turn her head away. Anna put the yogurt down, and looked at Joanna thoughtfully. She had always had a good appetite, and it was not like her to refuse to eat.

- Would you like some banana then? she suggested hopefully, but had no more success.

John came back from work as Joanna kept whining more and more, and Anna picked her up from her high chair to put her to bed.

- Good evening darling, he said, kissing his wife, then his daughter. Is everything alright?

- I don't know, said Anna, uncertain. She ate almost nothing. That's not like her.

- Surely isn't.

- Did you notice she lacked some appetite lately?

- Hmm, not really, he replied, thinking over the last few days. Did you notice anything else?

- No… Except maybe she's been a little fussier than usual…

- Maybe she's teething…

- Teething had never prevented her from eating to this day…

John put his hand flat on the baby's forehead, and said:

- Don't you think she might have a fever?

- I didn't notice it… Well I'm going to take her temperature when I change her into her pyjama. We'll see. She's not had any cough or anything.

Five minutes later, the thermometer showed a 101° temperature.

- Oh, sweetie, you've got a little fever, said Anna, hugging her daughter. Alright, let's take a dose of Tylenol and go to bed. I'm sure things will look better in the morning.

Anna put the baby to bed, who fell rapidly into a deep slumber. As she went downstairs to sit down to the dinner table with John, she announced:

- She did have a little fever. 101.

- Oh. Well. I hope she'll sleep a good night. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. Maybe I'll stay home with her if she's not well.

- Will you be able to? That'd be great, because I've got this venue at lunch time, I can't really get out of it.

- Sure darling.

- Great, thank you.

- But maybe she'll be just fine.

And indeed, in the morning, the fever was gone, and Joanna drank her usual bottle with a little toast, so her parents decided to bring her to Mary's as usual, and to both go to work.

x x x x

The next evening, the fever was back, and Joanna once again ate almost nothing. And so it went on for the next few days. She looked fine in the morning, but had a fever every evening, and refused to eat her dinner. On the fifth day, a Friday evening, John had gone up to put her in her pyjama when he called Anna.

- What it is? she asked as she came into the nursery.

- I was wondering… Had you noticed those bruises on her legs? Did Betsy tell you anything specific about her falling or something? There's another on her arm too, he showed her.

- Er no… replied Anna.

It was not unusual for Joanna to show one or two bruises on her knees, like all toddlers did. But that evening there were many of them. They stripped the baby naked, and counted a dozen red bruises all over her body. Anna frowned and looked back at John, worried.

- Do you think… I mean, how could she have gotten all those? Falling down some stairs maybe? But I know Betsy would have called us right away if she had. It can't be Betsy herself.

- I can't figure it would be…, replied John.

Betsy was so kind and gentle and they had known her for some time now, they couldn't believe she would hurt any of the children.

- Maybe we should ask Mary if she's noticed anything on her kids. Sometimes some people aren't what they seem to be.

- And maybe it has nothing to do with Betsy. Jo still has a bit of a fever tonight. And still nothing that looks like a cold or a stomach bug. That's pretty weird, when you think of it.

- You're right, agreed Anna. Maybe we should take her to see Dr Clarkson…

- I'm starting to think it'd be good, yeah.

- Tell you what. It's the week-end now. We have George's birthday on Sunday. Let's see how the week-end goes, and I'll call Dr Clarkson's clinic first time on Monday.

- Alright, let's do that.

As John busied himself to put Joanna's pyjama on, Anna kept looking silently at her little girl, until she said:

- She does look a little pale, though, don't you think? And I don't know… tired? She's such a cheerful child usually. It's not her. I feel like there's something wrong with her.

John picked up Joanna from the changing table, and turned around to Anna. He saw the worry in her eyes, and took her into a hug, trying to reassure her.

- I'm sure Dr Clarkson will have it sorted out. We'll see on Monday alright? For now, I think she needs to sleep.

Later that night, Anna was lying in bed, trying to find some sleep. She kept turning from one side to another, not being able to find a comfortable position. At last, she let out an annoyed sigh, and got up from the bed. John, who was sitting next to her, reading, looked up and asked:

- Where you going sweetie?

- I must check on Jo. I can't settle down.

She walked to the nursery and silently came to the side of Joanna's crib, where she found her sleeping quietly. As she studied her daughter's face, she couldn't help herself noticing the dark patches under the baby's eyes, that weren't there before, and she thought her cheeks looked a bit less chubby than they used to. Her heart tightened in her chest as fear crept into her. She startled a bit when John's hands came to rest flat on her shoulders. He gently nuzzled her hair, and whispered:

- See, she's alright. Come back to bed.

- Are you sure she is? she whispered back. Don't you think she's lost some weight? She looks thinner to me.

John thought that she was right. He had noticed all those little alarming signs as well as Anna had. But he tried to keep himself composed.

- I don't know darling. All I know, is that there's nothing we can do about it right now. We said we'll call the doctor on Monday and we will. Until then, come to sleep.

Anna turned around and snuggled close to John's chest, her voice breaking:

- I'm afraid John… What if there's something seriously wrong with her?

- Hush, love, please, stop jumping out to some hasty conclusions and imagining the worse. For all we know it might be nothing. We have to wait until Monday. Now, please, come to bed, he repeated.

- Yes, sorry.

John gently held her chin up until their gazes met, and he gently kissed her lips.

- I'm worried too, you know. But staying awake all night won't do any of us any good.

- You're right, she murmured.

X x x x

Anna and John tried to push their worries aside until the end of the week-end, but it proved impossible when Anna got up on Sunday morning and went to the nursery, surprised that Jo had not called them yet.

- What the hell!, John heard her exclaim from across the hallway.

He rushed at her side, and saw Joanna sitting in her bed, paler than ever, and with blood on her face, her pyjama, and on the crib's sheets.

- Jesus, what happened?! he asked.

- I don't know, replied Anna, her voice cracking. Seems it's coming from her nose.

- Oh, yes, you're right, said John, somewhat relieved as he noticed the mated blood around the baby's nostrils.

For a second he had thought she had vomited the blood, and he was completely freaking out.

- Alright, said Anna, this is it, I'm not waiting until tomorrow. We're taking her to the A&E.

- Seems wise to me, agreed John.

He quickly went to fetch a wet cloth to wipe Joanna's face clean.

- I'll tidy her up and change her, he said. Prepare a bag meanwhile. A bottle, diapers and so on.

- OK, said Anna, disappearing from the room.

X x x x

A few hours later, Anna was nervously waiting in the A&E box, holding an exhausted Joanna. John had gone out to fetch them something to eat and drink. Anna kept thinking over and over about what the paediatrician had told them after he had made his first examination on Joanna. The most likely cause of her symptoms was an infection, he had said. So he had ordered a chest X-ray, that had been done an hour ago, and they had taken a urine and blood sample. Anna had bravely swallowed her own tears as she had held her daughter tightly while the nurse had taken the blood sample from an unwilling Joanna. John had been holding the relaxing gas mask over the little girl's face. Despite the gas's help, it had been a very unpleasant moment. Anna hoped it had been worth it, and they would soon have answers and get to treat her. As she was starting to wonder what took so long, the doctor poked his head through the box's door.

- Mrs Bates, hum, is your husband near? I'd like to see you both to discuss the tests' results.

- He went to fetch us a snack, he'll be back soon. Is there something wrong?

The doctor tried to conceal his mood but Anna felt him tense.

- Could you… call him and tell him to come back? I'd really rather talk to you both.

- What's wrong with my baby?! she demanded, her voice urgent.

- Mrs Bates, I will tell you everything, as soon as your husband is back. Might you call him back, please? I'm going to go collect your daughter's results, and then we'll talk.

As the doctor left the room, Anna sighed and called John. She knew now something wasn't right, and she felt cold sweat running down her back. As John picked up the phone, she said in a hollow voice:

- John, come back quick. Doctor wants to talk to us.

Ten minutes later, the doctor came back and offered a tight smile to both of them.

- Might we sit down? he suggested, in a tone that implied that the news were not good.

- So, did you find what's wrong with my daughter? asked Anna. Could you give her the treatment she needs, so that we can go back home?

- Mrs Bates, repeated the doctor in a quiet professional tone, please, sit down.

John put a hand on her shoulder, and she finally took her seat.

- I'm very sorry, Mr and Mrs Bates, but I'm afraid you are not going to take Joanna back home today. We will need to admit her.

- Why? replied Anna, her voice wavering.

- The results from Joanna's tests don't show any infection in her urine nor in her chest, nor anywhere else, for that matter. The cause of her fever and other symptoms is not infectious.

- But you do know what it is? asked John.

- Yes, I do, said the doctor. And I'm sorry to have to bring you such news. Joanna has leukaemia.