Sleep like a baby tonight
"You're gonna sleep like a baby tonight
In your dreams everything is alright"
- Hello, Master Charlie, said the nurse cheerfully to the four-year-old who had come barging in the pediatric hematology day hospital unit. How are we doing this week?
- Hello Sarah!, replied the boy. I'm fine! Is Joanna here?
- Yes she is. Over there, look.
The nurse pointed in the direction of the armchair where Joanna was sitting with John, waiting for the nurse to come and put her IV on. The boy ran to his little friend, and hugged her gently.
- Hello Joanna!
John beamed at the boy and his mother who had tailed him.
- Hello Charlie, hello Ethel. How are you?
- We're OK, thank you. And you?, asked Ethel.
- Yeah, alright, replied John.
- Now, Charlie, come sit on your chair, said the nurse Sarah, I'll be right with you after I take care of Joanna.
It was the beginning of February, and after a few weeks of chemo break, Joanna had been scheduled with weekly sessions of consolidation chemo. Anna had managed to book her appointments on the same weekday when Charlie and Ethel came, so every Mondays, the two little friends shared a few hours in the day hospital. It was a large room with a dozen armchairs, where the children would sit or wander around to play with the toys scattered around the room, while waiting for their chemo IV to pass.
Anna and John had been utterly relieved when, a few weeks ago, Joanna's control myelogram had shown good results. No relapse this time, and the stem cell graft seemed to work well. The ongoing consolidation chemo was less destructive than the previous ones, and thus Joanna was supposed to be able to live a relatively normal life in between the weekly hospital appointments.
When Nurse Sarah had finished hooking them up to their respective chemo IV, the kids meddled around the room and played with the toys, or sat in the quiet corner to read books, or watch some cartoons. It would have looked like any other daycare centre, had it not been for the infusion stands that followed each kid around.
- Mum, can you read me a story?, asked Charlie, picking up his favourite book from the library corner.
- Yes, sure darling, said Ethel, who came to sit with him on the cushions. Joanna, do you want to hear the story too?
- Yay, said the smaller girl, jumping from her armchair to join them on the cushions.
As she sat near Ethel, absorbed like Charlie in the story, John looked over the three of them from a small distance, and smiled. He wondered if when all of this would be over, Joanna would remember her little chemo friend. In order to help memory, he took out his phone and took a picture of them, and sent it to Anna who had gone to work that day.
"How cute are they!", replied Anna moments later.
Cute they were, agreed John. It made him think again about giving a little sibling to Joanna, an idea Anna and John had considered before they had found themselves stuck up in the leukemia mess. He made a mental note to talk about it again with Anna later. Maybe she would consider it too soon, given that Joanna still had three months of weekly chemo coming up, then a few more months of oral chemo to be taken at home after that. And that was provided everything went well. John's heart constricted at the thought that things could get out of hand once more. Realizing that Ethel had finished her story and that Joanna was calling out to him, he shrugged off those nasty thoughts, and walked to Joanna with a large smile.
- Yes sweetheart, what would you like to do now?
x x x x
Anna and John had spent a nice evening in a fancy restaurant for Valentine's Day. It felt so good to catch a glimpse of a return to some kind of normal life. The Carsons had come to their house to babysit Joanna, who was soundly asleep by the time they came home after dinner.
- 'Evening everyone, called John as they entered the house.
They both proceeded to get rid of their wet coats and umbrellas. The weather had been awful that day, but it had not dampened their pleasure of enjoying a romantic evening.
- 'Evening, replied Elsie, appearing in the living-room's doorway. So, did you enjoy dinner?
- Absolutely, said Anna. It was delicious. I might even have picked up some new ideas for Mrs Patmore to try.
- Oh, good. Well, everything went fine here. Joanna ate her dinner well, then we played a bit, and we put her to bed, no problem. We'll go home now.
- Thank you very much for coming, said John, giving Elsie a hug, and Charles a handshake.
- It's been a pleasure, assured Charles, who was assuredly smitten with his foster granddaughter.
Moments later, John and Anna were lying in bed. Anna was flat on her back, her eyes already closed.
- Happy Valentine's day, whispered John in her ear. I love you my darling.
Anna turned her head towards John and kissed his lips, her eyes still closed.
- I love you too. And I'm exhausted…
- Oh, really?, asked John, peppering the side of her neck with feather-light kisses, while his hand slid up her T-shirt and gently stroked her belly.
Anna moaned and opened one eye, giving him a cheeky wink:
- Well, I must say you've got some strong arguments. I might find some scraps of energy left somewhere…
- I was hoping so, he admitted.
He had soon helped her get rid of her T-shirt, and continued his ministrations, roaming her neck and shoulder and collarbone with his lips. His hand came up and cupped her breast, and she sighed contentedly. When his thumb brushed on her nipple though, she jerked up and winced. He pulled away, surprised:
- What's wrong darling? Did I do something?
- I don't know, I… My breast hurt when you touched my nipple.
John passed his fingers on the same spot again, but on the other breast, and again Anna flinched.
- Ouch. God it's so awkward.
John looked intensely at Anna's chest for a few seconds, then palmed one of her breast and squeezed gently.
- Aren't they… bigger than usual? And, I don't know, they feel a little swollen, no?
- Now you mention it, my bra felt tight today.
- Er…, hesitated John, looking up to her eyes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Might be…
- But, aren't you taking some pill?
- Yep. But with all that's been going on lately, I can't say I haven't forgotten one now and then. And since it's a non-stop pill, I had no period so it makes it hard to tell…
- Alright… Well, maybe you should take a test? Do we have some left?
- I think we have, but they'll be from before Jo, so they might be expired. I'll look tomorrow, she said, settling herself again on the bed.
John stayed propped up on his elbow, staring at her.
- What?, she asked, after a minute.
- It's kind of funny because I was thinking back the other day about how we had discussed giving a sibling to Jo, but I thought maybe it was still too soon, with all the shit we've had to put up with… But now I think I won't be sleeping until we know…
- Really?, asked Anna. Well, we can't have that. Let's go look for those damned tests then.
Anna swiftly got up and walked decidedly to the bathroom. She rummaged into the back drawers, until she finally retrieved a box of pregnancy tests. She checked the date on them, and concluded:
- There we are. And not even out-of-date. Man I didn't know those could be kept that long.
John had been tailing her into the bathroom, and looked at her nervously. She gently pushed him out of the bathroom, smirking:
- Now, do you mind if I… make you wait outside while I do this? Only it's not that glamour I'm afraid…
- Er, yes, sorry, of course, he stuttered, walking back into the bedroom.
A moment later, Anna got out and put the test on his night-stand.
- There you go, she stated. In five minutes you can go to sleep with your answer.
- Will we really manage to sleep, if it's positive?
- I'm pretty knackered, so yes I think I'll go to sleep anyway…
- So you're not scared of the result?
- Well… she hesitated for a short moment. I must say I would have waited a little more, if it had been up to me. Until Jo was really out of the woods. But well. We've learnt to deal with the unpredictable by now, haven't we? As long as we've got each other, I know we'll handle it. Carry each other and that sort of things, you know?
He smiled.
- Yes. That's true.
They snuggled close together, patiently waiting for the next minutes to pass. Finally Anna looked at her watch and said:
- I think you can look now.
John turned away to his night-stand and picked up the test, bringing it over to Anna, so they could look at it together. Anna chuckled nervously.
- Well well, stated John. That explains the sensitive boobs.
- Oh my God…
John put the test back on the bedside table and wrapped his arms around Anna.
- Oh love… he said, burying his face in her hair. Are you happy about it, really?, he asked, pulling himself away a little bit to look into her dazzlingly blue eyes.
- We're having a baby, of course I'm happy! Jo'll have a sibling some time around her third birthday! Although, I guess I should call Dr Ryder shortly, because I've no idea how far along I am really… And I'll need to start on the anticoagulants pretty soon.
She had already switched to full operative mode, but stopped herself to consider John:
- What about you love? Are you happy about it?
- If you're happy, I'm happy, he replied. Yes, it makes me happy to have another baby with you.
- Glad to hear it. And will you sleep well now?, she teased. I know I will sleep like a baby tonight.
He chuckled.
- Yeah, me too, probably. In my dreams everything will be alright.
Their lips met in a gentle agreement, and they laid back to sleep.
- I love you John.
- I love you Anna. More than anything in the world.
A small smile lingered on her lips as she fell into a blissful slumber.
x x x x
Dr Jawad beamed as she went into the waiting-room and called:
- Joanna, Mrs Bates, Mr Bates, hello! Oh, and here's the newest family member?, she asked, bending over the pram John was pushing to look at the newborn sleeping in it.
- Yes, this is Ayden. He's three-weeks old, said Anna.
- Well glad to meet you Ayden. So, Joanna, how is this little brother of yours? Is he a good boy?
- He cries at night and it wakes me up sometimes!
- Oh, naughty boy!, laughed the doctor.
- And look, he's got no hair, like me!, showed the little girl.
- Ah ah, but yours is going to grow back now.
As they chatted, Dr Jawad had led them into her office, and they had sat on each side of the desk.
- So, did everything go well with Ayden's arrival?, she asked.
- Oh, yes, thank you, replied Anna. It's a joking matter between us, to ask who between him or Joanna will grow some hair first.
- Well, now that the chemo is finally over, Joanna's should start coming back over the next weeks. I can't commit about Ayden's though… You're very blond, and blond babies tend to stay bald for several months sometimes, so if he's taken after you…
- Yes, Joanna had almost no hair until she was seven or eight months old…
- So, I'll put a penny on Joanna winning the hair race, concluded Dr Jawad with a little laugh. So, she went on, putting on a more serious face, Joanna's lasts results show only green lights, which is very good news. Her body handled the oral chemo pretty well. As of today, you can resume a normal life. We won't talk about being healed that soon though. We will have to meet for follow-ups every three months for the first year, then every six months. We talk about recovery in the absence of a relapse within five years after the diagnosis. But in the case of Joanna's particular leukemia, statistically, if there hasn't been any relapse past the first year of follow-up, the odds are really good.
- Alright. Well, that's good news indeed, said Anna.
- It is. You can start to relax now, smiled the doctor.
x x x x
Snow was falling quietly on the streets as another year ended. This time, unlike the previous years, the Bates family had been able to enjoy the holidays with all their relatives. They had been invited to Robert and Cora's home for New Year's Eve, and had enjoyed a cheerful evening among their friends. Joanna had spent the evening playing with all the Crawley girls' children, and had now been put to sleep in a spare room. When midnight came, it so happened that Anna was in that room too, nursing the little Ayden. She heard the clock ding twelve times, and whispered:
- Happy New Year my darlings.
A minute later, John entered silently, and came to sit near her.
- Don't you want to enjoy the others' company?, asked Anna softly.
- There's no one else on earth whose company I enjoy more than yours, he said, kissing her neck softly. Happy New Year love.
- Happy New Year.
They kissed gently, and John absorbed himself for a moment in the contemplation of his son nursing. It never ceased to amaze him how a woman's body could build a fully shaped tiny human out of two cells, and then produce enough milk to keep it alive for several months.
- Penny for your thoughts?, asked Anna.
- I was just thinking how grateful I am for those two beautiful kids you gave me.
Anna smiled.
- I'm grateful you gave them to me too.
- So, what are your wishes for this new year?
- Oh, I'm not doing New Year's wishes anymore. Remember, last time I wished only for a year when nothing bad happened, and look what we got. So now I'm not wishing anymore. I only enjoy every day that comes and goes uneventfully.
- Seems wise, agreed John.