We had the specifics behind Brendan's shoplifting Noodle Incident in mind since we finished Super Effective, but we could never find a way to write it down. Then this way came to us, but we had so many other fanfic ideas we decided to put some of them to a vote.

We always knew it would be this one that won. With a grand total of 2 votes, I present...The Soda Incident.

Brendan clicked the badge into its case and turned to leave. "Thanks for the battle, Dad! Next time you see Mom, tell her I said hi."

"Wait!" May squeaked, holding out a hand to stop her friend from leaving. "Before we go, I want to hear a certain story about Brendan's experience with the law."

Brendan groaned. "No, May. You don't."

Norman understood too well. "Is this about the soda thing?"

"YES, it's about the soda thing! I've been dying to get an explanation almost since this journey started, and Brendan never told me!" She stamped her foot like teenagers on TV, not seeming to process that she'd done so. "Please, Mr. Norman? I've already missed one fascinating story from a Gym Leader. I don't want to miss another one."

"Dad," Brendan warned, "if you tell her the shoplifting story, I swear I will never come back to Petalburg City as long as I live."

"As tempting as that sounds, I wasn't going to tell her," Norman reassured him, letting him know that the first half wasn't serious. "But do you really think that the girl you're traveling with doesn't deserve to know why you're a wanted criminal?"

He was teasing, Brendan knew, but he also knew that May was going to bug him until he told her. So, he decided to let the co-founder of his evil organization in on one secret.

"All right, Songbird, listen up." Norman's confusion by the use of codenames was quickly wiped away by the fact that all kids went through a spy phase. "I'm only going to tell you this once, and you had better not use it in a speech at my Champion inauguration, your book dedication page, or your speech for if we manage to conquer Hoenn and you become vice president. If you do, it's instant termination from Team Breakneck and my friend list."

"Can I work it into a Space Heroes fanfic?" May asked. "Possibly for my 'self-insert' character?"

She'd made the quotation marks with her fingers, but her point was made. Everyone does dumb things. Brendan, rather than give her permission, drew a deep breath. "It was right after Dad told me he was looking for a new job, hopefully in the Gym Leader position..."

(FLASHBACK)

The family of three entered the grocery store together, at the mother's insistence on having a nice family outing if it killed them. Brendan was pretty sure that it might, through boredom alone.

"Can we get donuts?" he asked, almost hoping that she would say yes.

"Only if you buy them yourself," his mother answered, with no hesitation.

"But you didn't give me time to get my wallet."

"I did," his mother said. "You spent all that time complaining, Brendan. You barely had time to put your shoes on."

"Can you buy me donuts, and I'll pay you back when we get home?"

"No, Brendan."

"Can you buy Dad some donuts and let me have some?"

"No."

"But why?"

Brendan watched his mother turn to Norman, who had until then been comparing bread prices. "Norman, tell your son why we won't be getting donuts."

Norman perked up. "We're getting donuts?"

"No!" His wife pinched the bridge of her nose. "We are here to have a nice family outing. We deserve to have a nice family outing after that incident at the park last week."

(PRESENT)

"What happened at the park?" May asked, popping Brendan's bubble.

Her travel companion groaned. "Do you want to hear about the park or the soda?"

"Both, actually."

"Pick one because I'm taking the other to my grave."

May was silent for a moment. "The soda."

"That's what I thought."

"I am surprised we didn't get arrested at the park, though," Norman added.

"Dad, I'm trying to tell a story. Please shut your mouth."

(FLASHBACK)

"I love you both," Brendan's mother continued, "but I know what can happen, and I am trying to prevent it."

"What's the worst that could happen if we get donuts?" Brendan asked. "If anything, worse stuff will happen if we don't get donuts. You know how impulsive I can be. For all Dad's strength, he can't stop me."

"He has a point there," Norman confessed.

The poor woman sighed. "Fine. Brendan, we're running out of potato chips for your school lunches. Go to the snack aisle and pick your favorite, and then we'll meet in the frozen section. Norman, you're coming with me."

"Yes, dear," the future Gym Leader said, almost on autopilot.

His wife finally smiled. "Good. And Brendan?" she added as her son started off.

He cringed but faked a smile as he turned around. "Yes, Mom?"

"Only one flavor of chips, please."

"Right," said Brendan.

"And only one bag."

"Fine," he said in disappointment before walking off. She really knew him well.

He entered the snack aisle and was on his way to the chips when he saw something else. Flavor Pulse soda pop. He stopped mid-step, staring at it in shock.

"I thought they banned this in other regions because some kid blew up," he said to himself. The soda didn't respond. "It got banned in Galar and Kalos...I guess Johto wasn't one of them."

He knew his parents would never buy him this soda, even if he promised to pay them back when he got home. He also knew that if he didn't get it now, he would never have the chance. He took a moment to ponder his moral dilemma.

Then he figured that it was just a soda. He'd pay them in court.

So he shoved a bottle up the leg of his pants, grabbed a bag of chips, and headed down to the frozen food section to meet his parents.

(PRESENT)

"You shoved it up your pant leg?" May asked, and Brendan shrugged.

"Anything else would either give me the world's weirdest bubble butt or have too uncomfortable an explanation. It was the only thing I could think of."

May nodded, this explanation making sense in her head. "So we have your motive," she said, "so how did you get caught?"

Brendan cleared his throat nervously. "Well, I'd thought my spur of the moment plan was absolute genius. Unfortunately, I didn't expect the place to have security cameras...or security guards. With security bears."

"BEARS?"

(FLASHBACK)

Brendan made it out of the aisle before being caught by a guard. The guard looked just like every stereotypical security guard he'd ever seen on TV, and he had an Ursaring with him. The Ursaring was wearing a security guard vest, too. It was adorable and slightly horrifying. It was at that moment that Brendan knew...

He'd messed up.

Brendan faked innocence. "What can I do for you?"

The guard looked at the bulge on his leg, then back at Brendan's face. "I'm going to have to ask you a few questions."

He'd hoped he'd get out of there before the cops showed up, so he could hand over the cash when they came to get him. Oh, well. "What kind of questions?"

"For starters," said the guard, "we could talk about your friends...what Pokémon you like...what you have up your pants. I'd prefer the third one."

"What, this?" Brendan shrugged, trying to pass it off as nothing. "I was stung by a Beedrill."

The guard didn't look convinced. "Stung by a Beedrill?" he repeated.

"Yup. Lone Beedrill. I threw a rock at it; I deserved it."

"You threw a rock at a Beedrill?"

"I was convinced it was dead."

"Your response to seeing a supposedly dead Beedrill was to throw a rock at it?"

"There weren't any sticks around. You can't tell me you've never wanted to poke dead things with a stick."

Both the guard and his Ursaring had matching 'got me there' faces. Brendan took a step forward, convinced he was going to get away with this after all.

The soda slipped down slightly.

"Did your 'Beedrill sting' just move?" the guard asked.

"Uh..." Brendan swallowed hard. "No? It was...all in your head, sir."

The bottle slipped even further down. The guard and the Ursaring made eye contact. Ursaring crossed its arms and nodded. The guard reached out and grabbed the boy's arm. "You're coming with us, kid."

"No thank you, please," Brendan answered immediately.

"Then lift up your pant leg."

"Are you sure? It's super gross under there, and this is a public shopping center."

"Then we'll wait for your parents. Together. They can form a human barricade while you lift up your pant leg and show me your 'super gross Beedrill sting.'"

"My parents are waiting for me, actually. I should probably go, don't want to keep them waiting." He started to leave again. This time, the soda stayed in place.

The guard stopped him. "Where are your parents waiting for you?"

And there went the last possible escape route. "Frozen stuff."

"Ursaring, stay here and watch the kid. I'll go get his parents."

And the guard left. Ursaring glared down at Brendan, who forced a smile.

"So...nice weather, huh?"

Ursaring bared its teeth. "Don't even think about it, kid."

(PRESENT)

"And I had just talked my wife into getting the whole family donuts," Norman finished.

"In my defense," Brendan said, "I didn't know that, so I figured I might be able to get a soda at least."

"So your defense was that you thought you could get away with it?" May asked.

"I..." Brendan paused. "Well, no. I didn't think I was going to get away with it. I thought I was going to get caught and pay it off. There's a difference." He laughed nervously as the memory came flooding back even more clearly. "I just thought I'd get to drink it before getting caught."

(FLASHBACK)

The security guard returned with Brendan's parents. Both of them looked disappointed, but neither seemed to be shocked.

"We have reason to believe your son was shoplifting," said the guard.

Brendan pretended to be upset. "Shoplifting? I would never do such a thing! I'm a Boy Scout!"

"Really?" The guard wasn't convinced. Brendan admitted to himself that saying such a lie was probably pushing things too far. "Then would you mind repeating the Boy Scout motto?"

Brendan's mind blanked. He wasn't a Boy Scout - he'd considered but decided it wasn't for him. He wasn't even friends with a Boy Scout. "Don't stab anyone with your fancy pocket knives?"

"I'll give you a hint." The guard made the scout sign, and Brendan tried not to whine. "It starts with a 'be.'"

"Be...lieve that wearing capri pants in the wilderness is cool?"

Norman, who had been a Boy Scout, facepalmed. "Be prepared, Brendan."

"Be prepared for what?"

"Your arrest," said the guard, and Brendan felt the Ursaring's huge paws on his shoulders.

"I have to use the bathroom." It wasn't a lie. He was terrified. "Not in a weird way."

"Wait," said the guard, and Brendan looked over at his parents for help. Norman was now doing a double facepalm, while Brendan's mother was looking over in disapproval.

(PRESENT)

"Naturally, we had to wait a while," Brendan continued, as May rolled her eyes at the obvious statement.

"So why don't you just cut to when the cops showed up, then?"

(FLASHBACK)

By the time the police arrived, even Brendan was starting to wonder why he didn't just give up. But when they tried to arrest him, he immediately jumped back to struggle mode.

"I'm innocent!" he cried. "I'm not guilty! I never took anything from the store, I swear!"

Which was true. He was still in the store, which meant his pants and the soda they concealed were still in the store, too. But the cops didn't see it that way.

"We're going to have to search you," one of them pointed out. "You seem like a good kid. Just help us out."

"But you don't understand!" Brendan whined. "I really do need to use the bathroom! I can't be expected to hold it in until a trial, can I?"

He had a plan at this point. He could run to the bathroom, drink the soda in there, and say that he hadn't taken it out of the store. His parents would then pay for the soda, and he would pay them back when he had his wallet again. It was, in his mind, foolproof.

Naturally, he didn't count for how foolish he was.

He stepped back to avoid being captured, and the bottle fell out of his pant leg, hit the ground, and shattered, spilling Flavor Pulse all over the floor. The small crowd all instinctively jumped back before it could get on their shoes, and Brendan felt his father's anger without even having to look at him.

The arresting officer looked down at the puddle, then back at the boy. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, young man?"

Brendan gulped. "Look at that," he said, trying not to cry or shake in fear and disappointment. "I'm peeing out bottles."

(PRESENT)

"Come to think of it," Norman thought aloud, "plastic soda bottles bounce. Whatever was in that soda definitely wasn't safe to drink in large doses."

May hardly registered the thought as she was still focused on Brendan's last words in the story. "That's the best excuse you could think of?" She wasn't shouting on purpose, though - she was laughing too hard to control her volume.

Brendan cleared his throat. "Yeah, that...that was probably the worst lie I ever told."

Norman nodded. "Naturally, Brendan was arrested. His mother and I got to keep an eye on him and spare him from jail, but..."

(FLASHBACK)

On the day of Brendan's trial, the boy could barely think straight. They had forced him into a tie at his lawyer's insistence, and Norman had decided to punish him through shame by giving him a pastel pink tie patterned with the Clefairy family. Brendan took some comfort in the fact that the shirt and pants were black, but he couldn't focus on his outfit when the judge arrived.

He caught his parents watching and waved as if he was unaware of their disappointed faces. He was too proud of himself - after the chaos that had ensued after the broken bottle, which led to a 'disturbing the peace' charge that everyone knew wasn't going to stick thanks to Brendan not being the one who did it, he had found the piece with the cap still attached and noticed it still had a mouthful of soda in it. He'd swallowed it and tossed it back on the floor before anyone had noticed he'd tried to escape.

The soda had been pretty good, he'd decided. But it wasn't good enough to go through this again.

The judge sat down at his bench, not wanting to waste his Saturday on this.

"Ok, kid," he said slowly. "I've had a long week. So I'm willing to be lenient if you just sit there and play good boy."

And so Brendan did. For the most part.

The trial proceeded as usual for a first-time shoplifter who never got the item out of the store. Brendan confessed his ridiculous plan to get his parents to pay for it and hearing himself out loud only made him feel more stupid. The judge actually laughed at it, and when Brendan repeated the testimony while attached to a lie detector, the judge decided to be lenient after all.

"Given the circumstances," he said, "this being your first offense and more impulsive and stupid than actively planned, this court takes pity on you. I sentence you to...pay for the soda."

"That sounds fair," Brendan agreed.

"So you agree to the terms?"

"Yeah. My dad will pay for it."

Norman nodded along. "With the money you won't see next time you mow the lawn."

"Also fair."

The judge raised his gavel to make it official. Then Brendan opened his mouth again.

"Just a minute, Your Honor!" He held out his hand and smiled innocently. "Your gavel. Can I borrow it?"

"My gavel?" The judge looked at the gavel, then back at Brendan. "Why?"

"I wanna play with it."

"It isn't a toy!"

"Anything's a toy in a child's hands!" Brendan declared and attempted to take the gavel by force.

"He got the bailiff involved," Brendan finished, "Dad had a personal fracas with said bailiff -"

"He pushed me!" Norman insisted. "Just because I told him that sending two armed guards was a bit excessive for a child!"

"But," Brendan interrupted, "my mom paid for the soda, I paid her back, Dad spent a night or two in jail, and in just a few months he got a position as a Gym Leader in Hoenn. So, that's the story of how an attempt at shoplifting turned into charges for resisting arrest, which turned into disturbing the peace, which ended with me getting off on a technicality and paying for the soda and my dad in jail."

"I love how your dad is the one who went to jail in that story," May said with a smile.

"After a few courtroom shenanigans," Norman finished. "I extended my job search to outside the region, to be on the safe side. And here we are now."

May's eyes shifted from Brendan to Norman, disbelief written all over her face. "So...Brendan's the reason you guys moved?" Honestly, it wasn't that surprising.

But her writer's curiosity was quieted, though far from leaving her alone. Brendan's mood lightened after getting the story off his chest, and he and Norman seemed to be bonding over it now.

One thing was for sure - this story was too stupid to ever go in one of her works.