Chapter 9

Eight Years Ago

She let out a quiet hiss as she dipped her toe in the water, why was it always so hard to get it the right temperature, then bounced from foot to foot as she adjusted the taps.

"Someone's excited."

"Damn right someone is." She shot a grin over her shoulder which grew when Mouse met it, then faded when he put a bag down in the hall before coming into the bathroom beside her. "You know you don't have to leave. We know how to be respectful."

He snorted, dubious but not offended. "Respectful you are. Quiet, not so much. And I know I don't have to, but trust me, I am fine giving you two your space. Plus me and Lydia are really starting to enjoy these impromptu slumber parties- she's making a big lasagna and I'm going to stop at the store and grab some gummy bears and wine and then we're going to binge watch crappy reality shows."

"Weird combo, but okay, I like it."

Mouse just shrugged, wiggling his eyebrows before he pulled her in for one last hug- Jay was due home in the next ten minutes and their friend wanted to be gone before then so he wouldn't ruin the surprise. Not that he ever could, not really, the three of them were in a relationship almost as much as she and Jay were, but Tess got it. There were moments she gave them their space too, just like there were moments Jay left to her and Mouse. Aside from her aunt and her team there wasn't anyone in the world she was closer with and while sometimes the fact that all those circles were getting more and more intertwined felt like it was going to send her into a tailspin, most of the time she appreciated it. Hell, she loved it. That Mouse and Lydia had their own routine, their own sleepovers, wasn't just heartwarming to her it was hilarious, and now that her team was starting to come around more, both on and off work hours, the comedy was writing itself. It was like they were all one big, happy family, a feeling she hadn't felt in… forever.

Twelve years.

"You sure you're good?"

She stepped back with a nod, Mouse was almost as good as Jay at reading her, and just as good as everyone else, gently squeezing his arm when he looked her over for what must be the sixteenth time. "I'm good. Not even tired, just… a little anxious to see him."

"You mean to see how poorly he managed you being gone."

"I can't imagine he was that bad."

"Nah. A little grumpy the next morning, but he gets that way if I drink his almond milk. Never thought I would say that about him." Mouse finished with a shake of his head, and this time it was her turn to snort.

Jay had tried the beverage once at Lydia's and fallen in love, to the point where it was now the one thing he could always be relied on to stock the fridge with. He didn't even put it in his coffee, rarely, just drank it straight, like she did with regular milk.

He was just a lot more protective of it.

But even that was nowhere near the level of protective he was when it came to her, which was how Tess knew their friend was under-exaggerating his response to her departure. She also knew Mouse and Lydia would've looked after him in her absence, the former had already caught her up to speed on their visit to the museum yesterday morning and how they'd had dinner together last night, both done under the guise of looking after her aunt even though in reality they all knew they were all looking after each other. She really hadn't been gone long this time, actually this was a record, but of course Jay didn't know she was back yet; for all he knew she was hiding in the brush in the middle of the Cuban jungle fighting for her life against a horde of dangerous criminals. A far cry from what this little adventure had actually turned out to be but not so different from a normal work trip that it was unthinkable, and that didn't include his vivid, worst-case-scenario imagination.

Tess had really struggled with whether to tell him she was done, just like she did every time she finished an op. It had taken a few years but eventually she'd gotten him to open up about what it was like for him when she was gone, how he struggled to control his worry, but even though he'd admitted it gave him peace of mind to know when she was safe he'd also been adamant that he liked the surprise. That all the discomfort was worth it the moment he saw her. That he didn't need to know when she was coming home, just that she would. It was hard for her to believe that, it just went against some grain deep inside her, but she knew it was true because that was exactly how she felt about him. It didn't matter where she went or how long she was gone or even what happened while she was away, because so long as she had him to come home to she would be okay.

"Hey."

"I'm fine." She swatted Mouse's hand away just as he went to poke her in the cheek, rolling her eyes when he raised a brow. "I'll be more fine once he gets here, which should be in like, five minutes, so scoot."

He shook his head and gave her another hug, mumbling something about stubbornness that she chose to ignore, then with one last quick peck he was gone. She had to hustle a little to get everything ready, she almost forgot to put the take-out she'd picked up from Jay's favourite Thai restaurant in the oven to stay warm, which actually paired wonderfully with the desserts from her favourite bakery. It had only been a little over two hours since she'd gotten back into the city so considering the time crunch she thought she was doing good, though when her phone dinged to let her know Jay was in the parking lot and she finally slipped into the tub the groan of satisfaction she let out let her know she was more tired than she'd thought. But that was okay. She was home now.

She could rest as long as she needed.

Still the more the seconds ticked by the more anxious she got, excited, nervous jitters that made her knees bounce, sending little ripples across the water's surface that she played with in an effort to keep her mind at least somewhat busy. She couldn't hear over the low music when he entered the apartment but a sudden and quick pounding of footsteps told her when he arrived and she listened with a grin as he ran first to his bedroom, understandable, before skidding to a halt in the threshold of the bathroom, the last traces of tension easing from his face the moment he saw her. Well, most of them. There were a few that lingered, but give her a couple minutes and she'd make them leave.

"Hey Ranger."

Fuck he had a good smile.

The best.

It made his normally serious or at the minimum stoic face absolutely glow, to say nothing of the way his irises flared to that brilliant spring green. It took all of three seconds for him to cross the room and sit down in front of her, not even on the toilet where he sometimes perched if he just felt like watching but right on the floor, cross-legged with his arms resting on the side of the tub as he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear; that touch and the reverent way he looked at her meant it also took all of those three seconds for her heart to go from a quick beat to absolutely racing, such a heavy pound it was a wonder it didn't jump out of her ribcage. For a moment he didn't say anything, the way his throat bobbed a couple times told her he might not be able to but slowly his gaze left hers and travelled down, taking a thorough inventory before he finally spoke, a low rasp that made her toes curl. Which he also noticed, and which made his lips curl up slightly but smugly.

"You didn't use any bubbles."

"I wanted you to be able to see that everything was all clear."

Tess didn't hear his laugh so much as she felt it, a quiet chuckle that rumbled from deep in his chest straight to hers and while she got another toe-curling shiver when he ran a finger through the water, and ever-so-faintly along her leg, the little furrow in his brow kept her own smile small.

"You want to join me?"

His eyes lit up with clear interest but he shook his head and ran a hand over her hair, currently gathered in a messy bun atop her head, though she'd bet it wouldn't be long before he took it down. "I want to hear how things went first. I'm assuming Mateo is safe and sound at home?"

"He and all the others. Plus a few extras."

His brows rose but her smile started to grow again as he glanced around, looking for the wine he knew she'd have ready, and as he passed over her glass and settled himself more comfortably the rest of her nerves settled too. Sure Jay didn't like it when she had to leave, she didn't like it, but that didn't stop him from believing in her, from being proud of her for the work that took her away from him.

And if it hadn't after all this time, why was she so scared that was going to change?

"Alright. Tell me how, exactly, one ends a rescue mission with more civilians than were taken?"

"When it turns out some of the kidnappers weren't so bad. Apparently Mateo is just as good at making friends as I am because when offered the choice to keep fighting or make a new life for themselves, a lot chose the latter."

"And who offered that choice?" He asked knowingly, a softness in his eyes she couldn't help blushing at.

"The person with the loudest voice."

Jay huffed and shook his head but that look grew and when he said her name, so quietly she didn't think he even realized it, her heart went right back to pounding. "Are you going to come in now?"

He looked tempted but that little furrow in his brow came back and when his eyes flicked away from hers Tess knew there was something more on his mind than just how her trip had gone. Something he either didn't want to bring up, or didn't know how to.

Probably both.

"Is everything okay?" She asked tentatively, a wave of relief washing over her when he immediately took her hand.

"Yeah, it's fine, I just- can I ask you something?"

"Always. And anything."

He smiled, sweet but still worried, keeping a tight but gentle grip on her fingers. "Do you ever wish I was out there with you?"

Oh.

Oh.

Suddenly his nerves made sense, and wasn't it so predictable that they'd been worried about the same thing, just on opposite ends?

She took a minute to compose her thoughts, giving his hand a squeeze to assuage some of his worry while she made him wait- this was something she needed to do right.

For both of them.

"No, I don't." She answered slowly, shifting so she could get a little bit closer to him. "That's not to say I wouldn't like it, it's just- it's like how I feel about leaving the agency. There are things I would enjoy, but I know it's not my path."

Jay let out a low and long breath, and she swore she caught a flash of tears before he blinked them away, and this time it was her turn to swallow past a couple lumps in her throat before she could speak again.

"We've always said to whatever end. I take that seriously. And literally."

His next breath was short and ragged but his smile was bright and when he half-pulled her towards him, half-surged towards her and took her mouth in a tender but still passionate kiss Tess knew she'd soothed both of their worries.

There was only one thing left to do.

"Now will you get in?"

With another grin Jay passed her his wine, so hurriedly it sloshed over the edge and onto her, but it was hard to care when he started whipping off his clothes. It was a tight squeeze to fit both of them in the little tub but when he settled in behind her with his chest pressed firmly to her back and his arms wrapped snugly around her she had never felt more comfortable.

It was good to be home.