The silence has returned, but I need some hope to get me through the trials ahead. "So you have a crush on my little Fae. I can't say that you are not the most attractive of her former suitors." I joke. I knew that my best friend would be shooting me death stares right now. Rhysand laughed heartily. I could tell based on his frown lines that he hasn't been allowed to laugh in a long time. "Fae?" He asked with a small smile. I join in his joy as I share a memory that I hold dear. Hopefully, when I am gone he can keep my story alive.
"When I first met Feyre we both were starving. Not just hunger but for love. I will let Feyre share her story, but mine has always been nothing short of brutal. I was the oldest of four. My father has always been cruel, but when I was growing up I could shield my siblings from his anger. However, when my baby sister was born my mother died giving birth. My father was so upset he killed my sister before she could even know her life started. He crushed her little body with his bare hands. My twin brothers ran to my father before I could stop them. He beat them to death before I even had the chance to scream.
He forced me to lay on the same bed with the bodies of my whole family while he beat and raped me repeatedly. He kept screaming that this was my duty now that I was the woman of the house. I didn't know at the time, but I stayed in the room with those bodies for weeks. Slowly they started to decay and I thought that I would too. One day I snapped, my father made the mistake of falling asleep after one of his torture sessions. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and I knew I only had a few minutes before he woke up. I grabbed a pair of scissors my mom had me bring upstairs before the birth and killed him. I felt no regret, but at the moment I became a killer. I was no worse than the man who lie dead in the bed of his family.
I couldn't stay to look at what I had done. I was covered in blood and I was so weak. I ran from my house and into the forest. I stayed in the woods for months. I lived off berries and plants. I would hop into different villages and beg for food. I was nine years old, so most people took pity on me. Some didn't care and left me to starve.
One day however I found another little girl in the woods. She looked me in the eyes and I saw the same despair that I felt every day since my family died. I approached her and she looked at me with apprehension. She looked scared. I didn't want her to fear me so I turned around and pulled out a flower from my bag. I slowly approached her and tucked the beautiful blossom into her golden hair. She looked hungry so I also gave her some of the berries from my bag. It was all that I had, but I wanted to know that there are some good people left in the world. She slowly ate the berries with me in silence.
As the light left the sky she looked at me again and crushed the bright red berry in her fingers and painted a heart on my cheek. Under the starlight, I felt pure joy enter my heart and I started to laugh. Soon she started to laugh as well. We were just two kids who lost their innocence too early, but together we could feel the joy that we thought we lost. It was pure magic. When she told me her name I knew it was too good to be true. She was my Fae. The magic I thought was lost with my family.
We both shared our dreams that night. We shared our fears. We shared our struggles. Together we promised that we would be friends for life. Eventually, over the years she turned into my sister. Then my only reason for living. If she was happy and dreaming so could I. She gave me hope to move on from the darkest time of my life. That is why I call her Fae because she saved me just like the Fae did all those years ago." I finished my story and looked up and saw Rhysand crying for a little girl who never got to dream.
I stayed in the room overnight before I was dragged into the throne room for the torture to begin again.
The pattern of the first night continued for the next four weeks. My body was slowly failing me, and I knew I could not survive another week under this mountain. Rhysand could not even take my pain away anymore. The nights of safety turned into trips to other men's rooms. Some were kinder than others, but my sanity was slowly slipping away. Amarantha smiled as she saw me being dragged into the throne room. The snarl she gave me had me shrinking back. "So little swine are you going to finally end your suffering and admit to not loving the High Lord of Spring?" I looked into her eyes and said nothing. I was ready to die. I was done. "I asked you a question swine." She screamed into my face. I looked up and smirked. "I will love Lord Tamlin, High Lord of Spring until my dying breath."
She let out a snarl before lifting me up and pinning me to the wall. She ordered two faes to bring her nails and a hammer. "Tamlin, honey, come here my sweet." She beckoned mockingly. Tamlin rose from his seat and slowly approached. I have not spoken to him directly since the first night here. "Yes, Amarantha." He said shortly. The two faes came back and handed her the hammer and nails. "Be a dear and hold her for me. I think my throne room needs some more art" she sneered. Tamlin hesitantly grabbed my waist and lifted me into the air. She grabbed my hand and pulled my arm so hard I heard my shoulder joint crack. I let out a sharp yelp, but nothing could prepare me for the pain of her hammering a nail into my hand.
Tears streaming down my face I looked at Tamlin pleading with him to end my pain. He looked conflicted but did nothing as she yanked my other arm and started to swing the hammer again. Occasionally missing the nail and slamming the hammer into my fingers. I couldn't take the pain any longer and buried my head into Tamlin's shoulder. I was delirious and sobbing from the pain. She nailed my feet to the wall as well. When she finished she pulled my face from Tamlin's neck and whispered into my ear. "Now you can't touch what is mine like a rose. You can barely see what is mine as well. Why don't I change that for you?" With that she slammed the hammer into my left eye and my world was pulled into complete darkness.