Chapter six: the return

To stand on the edge of an inland cliff gave one an extraordinary feeling of freedom. The landscape that stretched out in front of her eyes was more stunning than a photograph could capture. Hundreds of metres below her feet rushed a river. Beyond it were more woods and fields, which turned back into mountains in the distance. The weather was much nicer today, but the storm clouds were still visible in the far East.

Alicia banged a stick against the metal bucket she was holding. She could hear a deep roar coming from the depths of the valley. It echoed against the rocks. She took a couple of steps back, pulled a heavy piece of meat from the bucket and started swinging her arm around. She waited…until the rush of air could be heard. She threw the meat with all her power into the air. For a second it looked like the meat would fall down, but then a green flash shot past and snatched the meat from the air.

Alicia looked at the brilliant green dragon with the golden horns on his head. The piece of meat was speared by the horns. The dragon flew over to a landing to Alicia's left, where it roasted the meat with his fire before eating it. Alicia smiled at the Romanian Longhorn. These were the only dragon species that were native to these parts. Because they were so plentiful once this was the perfect place to start the Sanctuary. Lately wizards had found out that the horns, when powdered, where highly valuable potion ingredients. There were more and more poachers in the area that sliced the horns off with a severing charm and left with their price. What they didn't know, was that without the horns the Longhorn dragons had little chance of survival. They used these horns as their main weapon. It was hard to believe that a dragon could be rendered harmless, but that really was the case. Longhorns weren't very aggressive and preferred to be left to small groups. There was never a problem with a Longhorn attacking people.

In the end, people would always be the most dangerous creatures, Alicia decided. Even mighty hunters like these dragons could be attacked and humiliated by greedy people. With these thoughts she continued to fling pieces of meat over the edge, where every time without failure a green dragon would catch it and roast it. They were only feeding the dragons that weren't capable of getting their own prey. Most of the dragons she was feeding today had lost one or both horns. The others were injured in other ways or were simply clever enough to know when food was flying around for free.

She heard someone approaching. She looked around to see Mihal. He didn't look very happy.

'Morning. What are you so glum about?' Alicia asked while rinsing her hands.

He stopped next to her and looked out at the scenery. 'Charlie received a letter from his mother. You should talk to him.'

Alicia raised an eyebrow. 'Did something bad happen? Is the family okay?'

He was quiet for a long moment. 'Alicia, why did you come here?'

'Beg your pardon?' she asked while standing up to meet his eye. He looked back with a stern but sad look.

'Did you come to Romania to study dragons or to flee from England?' he asked.

She was so flabbergasted that she stumbled over her words. 'Why do you…no! Why would you…I did not run.'

He sighed. 'Because I wouldn't blame you. The situation is getting pretty dark in England. Just talk to Charlie. But I need to have asked you something before you talk to him.'

She threw up her hands. 'Okay, what?'

He stepped closer and held her shoulders in his hands. Mihal also had a fair share of scars. One long line ran from his hairline to his eyebrow. He stared her deeply in the eyes before saying: 'Please stay here. We need you.'

She was at a loss of words now. For a minute all she did was stare. When he started to walk away she shook herself. 'Why would you think I'm going anywhere?'

He took the empty buckets and looked over his shoulder back at her as he replied. 'Because if you have anyone left in England that you love, they are in mortal danger. And you strike me as the person that would throw everything in the wind to safe them.'

Baffled, Alicia walked through the woods back to the camp. She was thinking about all the things Mrs Weasley could have written in that letter. And why was it important to her? Sure, she had her ties to some of the Weasley family, but not so close that Mihal thought she would pack her bags.

She reached one of the bigger cabins that was used as a common area for eating and relaxing. Bigger meaning bigger on the inside, since wizards could make it that way. She closed the door behind her and found Charlie in a corner. He was staring at a piece of paper.

'Mihal told me you had news,' Alicia said as she removed her coat and sat down at his table. 'From your mum?'

Charlie didn't even look up. His eyes were not reading words, just staring at a fixed point. Alicia thought he was going to ignore her, but then he let out a deep unsteady breath.

'He is back,' is all he said.

As Alicia had no idea who this was about, she did not yet understand the gravity of those words. Charlie looked up with haunted eyes. At the sight of her clueless expression, he elaborated. 'He Who Must Not Be Named. He is back.'

This time she understood the full meaning of those words. A chill ran down her spine. She felt her eyes prickle with tears of despair. A hand covered her mouth, unable to find the words to that proclamation.

'How did it happen?' she asked, eventually.

Charlie sighed and let his eyes travel over the paper once more. By the crumbled state of it, Alicia was sure he had already read the letter many times. 'It happened at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. Harry played a part in it. Cedric Diggory died. The first person He killed in his return. I'm sure many will follow…'

It was enough to make Alicia want to set fire to the cabin. She kicked her chair back and walked around, hands stuck in her hair and an insane look on her face. 'I knew it! I knew it! Harry should never have joined that stupid competition! Dumbledore is a fool!'

Charlie chose not to respond. 'They are re-instating the Order of the Phoenix.'

'Of course they are,' Alicia whispered to herself. Tears were streaming down her face now. The cabin was quiet, but not empty. A couple of guys in the back were giving her odd looks. Alicia couldn't care less. 'And they are asking you to join?'

Charlie stared out the window. 'Yes. And I'm going. My family is in danger. I'm going to do everything in my power to protect them.'

Alicia was done pacing. She hugged herself as she sat down. Charlie conjured a handkerchief for her and she dabbed at her watery eyes. 'But you are needed here too, Charlie. Can't you work for the order from Romania?'

A muscle in his jaw moved. 'Didn't you hear me? My family is there, very close to all the action. My parents have signed up for the Order. Ron is Harry Potter's best friend. Bill is also joining. They are all in mortal danger. I can't just sit here and do nothing!'

Alicia looked down. Charlie calmed down and realised he had been very emotional. 'Hey, just because I'm choosing that doesn't mean you have to do the same. Sorry. I shouldn't have phrased it like that.'

Alicia looked up in his eyes. 'You are not a soldier Charlie.'

He sighed deeply. 'No one in the Order is. No one ever wants to be. But we have no choice.'

She got back to her feet. 'There is always a choice.'

'So you are not coming with me?' Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow. 'The letter is also for you. They are asking both of us to come back. I'm not saying what you should do, but you have family there too. Your parents live in London right? And you have people in the Order that…' he was wise enough to stop there.

'I will write a letter to my parents with some suggestions for hiding places. They are not my responsibility,' she said coldly. 'As for others, they can choose to throw their lives down the drain for Dumbledore but I won't! I am not a fighter, I am not a part of the Order! Let them find some other pawns.'

He threw his hands up in surrender. 'Don't get angry with me. I only asked.'

She saw the surprise in his eyes at her outburst and felt bad right away. 'Sorry Charlie.'

He got up from his chair and drew her in his arms. She hugged him back tightly.

'I know you weren't saying those words to me,' he said softly. Alicia didn't want to think about it. She pushed him back slightly and picked up her coat.

'If you go, tell the Order I'm sorry I can't help. Tell anyone that asks that I have chosen my path,' Alicia said firmly, wiping the last of her tears away.

'And what do I tell…well if he asks about you?' Charlie said carefully.

She stopped with her hand on the doorhandle. 'Tell him that some things are never forgiven and forgotten.'

June was an interesting time of year for dragon handlers. In springtime a lot of eggs hatch, and this year was no exception. There was no shortage of cute cat-sized dragons walking around and learning how to fly. A warm June turned into July, when the dragons all got a size bigger and a bit more dangerous. Charles, Alicia's Opaleye dragon, was now roughly the size of a horse. He no longer fitted in the cabin, but curled up at her front porch. This proved to be a problem from time to time, when someone needed to speak to her. As domestic as Charles was to Alicia, he was still aggressive to others. But he never seemed to stop seeing Alicia as a mommy.

Charlie had gone more than a month ago. As much as she told others her mind wasn't with him and the others in England, she couldn't get that nagging voice out of her head. There was this part of her mind that kept calling her a coward for fleeing from war. But was that really a coward move, or just a clever one? She often called this voice her 'Gryffindor side'. The idiot side that would throw everything she had built here aside to do the heroic thing and die in battle. Why did she have that voice in the first place? She had been a Ravenclaw through and through. Here in the R.D.S. she used that Ravenclaw creativity every day. She needed clever ways to keep out of harm's way, or fix a problem or help a sick dragon.

The Ravenclaw was rational. You made a decision a while ago. You left that house in the countryside of England to move to an exciting workplace. You made a reputation and they gave you a new name. You are good at what you do. Everyone here loves you because you are the first and only woman to be a dragon handler. You will go down in history as such.

But the Gryffindor had good points too. Those points were: Harry. Sirius. Even Remus. No matter how hard she tried, her mind was not ready to close that part of her life. She had left in such a weird moment without any form of closure, that she felt a need to talk to him. Even if it was just once more. He needed to look her in the eye and realise what he had done. Then maybe, she could close that chapter.

So what then? The Ravenclaw asked the Gryffindor. You want to go to London, walk in on an Order meeting and demand to speak to Remus, just to get an apology? That is sad. You don't need his approval to move on. No she didn't. Moving on she could do on her own. So why do you need to speak to him? If it is not to seek closure, what are you looking for?

It was a question she could not answer. Not here and now. It was something she would find out if she was in front of him again. She hoped.

All of this was giving her constant headaches. She tried to distract herself with more work than she had done before. She was around people most of the time, signed up for all the extra work she could, spend her nights with her friends in the bar and made sure to be as little alone as she could. She kept pushing herself to new limits too. At first she had worked mostly with Romanian Longhorns and Welsh Greens, but was now asking to work with Chinese Fireballs and Hungarian Horntails. The extra threat level was doing wonders to her brain. She knew she needed to be completely focussed on the task at hand, so there was no room for distractions.

One evening she was wandering around the village. Charles was next to her, transformed into a Tamaskan dog. Alicia was getting better at transfiguration. In her first attempts he had kept his sparkly white tail while the rest of him turned into a furry dog. But now there was no difference with a real dog, except for the eyes. For some reason she could not make them look natural. So this dog had the same brilliant multi-coloured pupil-less eyes as the dragon did. It did not seem to raise suspicion so far.

A muggle woman who had a local medical store including herbs and healing crystals – for the spiritual tourists – was standing on the front porch of her 18th century house. Alicia had seen her before and greeted her kindly.

'By yourself again tonight?' the woman, Maria was her name, asked.

Alicia petted Charles. 'Not quite,' she joked. Maria sighed. 'That's not what I mean. You are always surrounded by those colleagues of yours, but never with a man.'

Alicia knew what she was playing at, but this was the 20th century and women didn't need men anymore. 'Not really looking for one,' she told Maria in earnest.

'I know you are not looking for one. You are missing one,' she said with her hands on her hips. Alicia was taken aback by this comment. They had not ever discussed personal details before. Well, Maria had gladly shared her story, but Alicia hadn't volunteered hers.

'I…am not,' Alicia said.

'Honey, you can lie to me, but don't lie to yourself. I know a divorced woman when I see one. Maybe you aren't old enough to be divorced, but at least you had a love and you left it. Do you want some advice?'

Alicia sighed. 'Guess you are going to give it anyway.'

'Go back to him. Make amends,' she told her. She crossed her arms over her chest like that was the final judgement.

Alicia raised her arms. 'Maybe I don't want to do that. Maybe I am happy here.'

'If you truly were, you wouldn't look so miserable when you think no one is watching,' Maria stated. Then she turned away and disappeared inside the house.

Alicia stared down at Charles. He made a soft noise and was happy when she stroked his fur. 'Do I look miserable Charles?' she asked her dragon-dog. He only looked, but those eyes said more than words could. It was like staring at the stars. 'Am I miserable? Or at least…incomplete?'

With every question she asked, she felt more and more like Maria had a point. Like Charlie had a point. Like Sirius had a point. Maybe even Remus. Maybe even he had a point. Maybe, when every pro and con was weighted out against each other, it didn't matter what her head said was the logical option. Just like she hadn't listened to the logical option of not dating a teacher at school.

She stood up, no longer a miserable look on her face. It was time to follow her heart.

Are you ready for some reunions? ;) Be sure to come back next week!