Chapter seventeen: busy and blue

Not every class went well. Actually most of them were pretty difficult. In Alicia's preparation, she had mostly focussed on the first impression. She badly wanted to be seen as the stern but sometimes fun professor that no one would mess with. However, keeping up that appearance is difficult if someone asks a question you can't answer. Or when beasts decide not to do what you want them too. More than once she found herself blushing like an idiot in front of people that were not much younger than her.

But then again, not every class went wrong either. At least most of the students liked her and a fair share of them respected her. The other professors were getting more used to her too, with some exceptions. And there was one particular student who she hoped to cheer up a bit. Harry seemed lonely and cranky most of the time, but he seemed to brighten up when he walked into her class. However, so far she had nothing to report to Dumbledore.

On a September evening, while it was raining heavily, Alicia sat creatively in an armchair in the staff room. The heavy wind was blowing the rain against the windows, which made a very loud noise. Apart from the rain it was fairy quiet in the room. There were a couple of professors present; talking, relaxing or working.

Alicia was doing the latter. There was a huge volume in her lap what was supposed to help her prepare for the O.W.L. material for this year. She couldn't be so stupid as to forget to teach them something that would come back in the exams!

'Still working, Alicia?' came the voice of Minerva McGonagall as she sat down on a couch close to her.

Alicia looked over the edge of her book. 'Indeed. Much to do,' she replied shortly.

Minerva quirked an eyebrow. 'Surely you have prepared enough by now. I have seen you studying that book and various others every night since you arrived.'

'Maybe it keeps slipping her mind. Some people read but don't actually absorb,' said Severus, who was occupying another chair. He had been so quiet that Alicia hadn't even noticed him. Now she glared at him, while he pretended to be very busy reading himself.

'No. But I don't want to miss anything. I sometimes…well…sometimes a student has a question I can't answer. I want that to stop happening. I feel like a fool, a fraud,' Alicia replied. She hid her reddening face behind the book.

'We've had plenty of fools and frauds teach here. No one seems to mind, so you fit right in,' Severus added, now actually looking up with a pleased look. Clearly he thought he was brilliant.

'Severus,' Minerva said. 'There's no need to be hostile.'

'I'm hardly hostile,' he retorted. He gave Alicia a look that said more than words. He had that triumphant smile on his face. 'Not like our dear werewolf professor was.'

It took everything she had in her not to jump from her chair and attack him. Her nails dug into the fabric of the chair, nearly ripping it apart. It was not like Remus and herself had kept their relationship a secret, but they hadn't exactly stepped up during an Order meeting to say 'guess what, we are together!' So Alicia wondered how Snape knew. That, and how to kill him without getting fired.

'Professor Lupin didn't hurt anyone,' Minerva said quietly. She looked sad while she said it. Either she missed him or she wondered how she hadn't figured his secret out sooner.

'That's right. Remus actually cared about his students. He would never test potentially poisonous potions on pets of students. Or mock students for the way they look. That is downright petty behaviour, don't you think?' Alicia retorted as cold and detached as she could.

It was his time to look red in the face. However for him it wasn't shame, it was anger.

'Well I never,' Minerva said. 'Who would do those things?'

Alicia did nothing except from staring Severus down. His mouth twitched irritably. For a moment, Alicia felt a sharp pain in the back of her head. As she rubbed it, Severus got out of his seat and was striding out of the room.

'Alicia,' Minerva said, her voice low and steady. 'Did you hear about Severus performing those acts in class?'

It was hard to decide. She knew Severus couldn't be fired, because he was also part of the Order and probably had an important task just like her. She shouldn't be fighting him, they should work together. But the jab about Remus. That hurt.

'I heard some rumours, but nothing I can proof,' Alicia told the other witch. 'But let's not pretend he is actually kind to students.'

She sighed. 'I have been dreading incidents like these. I will try to talk with him, but I don't think it is wise to spread this information. Not with…'

Alicia could finish that sentence for her. Not with Umbridge around.

'I understand,' is all she replied. Then she turned back to read about fireproof spells to protect yourself from fire crabs. Her mind was so full that she didn't realise she knew everything about fireproof spells already.

Minerva stood up. 'Don't worry yourself too much Alicia. So far you seem like a competent teacher. The rest will come with time.'

She gave her a quick smile before returning to the book.

Alicia hurried along the path to Hogsmeade. It was the first weekend where the students could visit the town, and so the streets were full with them. Alicia had been too wrapped up in her work to notice the time. She was ten minutes late to her appointment. Late to the appointment she had initiated.

Once she had burst through the doors to the Three Broomsticks, apologized to a wizard for smacking the door in his face, and hurried over to the right table, she could finally look at the people she hadn't seen in a while.

'Hey guys,' Alicia said while catching her breath. Her smile reflected the one she saw on the three other faces around the table. The first one, a tall woman with raven hair pulled in a half-updo, sensible make-up and a unique witches robe that could only be self-made, gave her a warm smile but with a deeper look in her eyes. Michelle didn't look too different from her time in school, apart from the more pronounced dress sense and more defined features.

Sophia, ever the elegant one, was wearing an ochre dress with a tiny witches hat clipped to her soft auburn hair. She was wearing dark eyeliner and matching lipstick. Sophia's smile looked most forced, since she was probably taken aback by Alicia's appearance.

Elena's eyes shone the brightest. Her short blonde curls and blue eyes gave her an eternal young and kind look. She was wearing a yellow sweater and a short denim skirt underneath. Her skin still looked a bit tanned from summer, which made her freckles stand out more than usual.

Elena was the first one to rise from her chair and hug Alicia. She still had the same familiar smell of jasmine around her and Alicia loved to soak it all up.

'Hey Alicia! So good to see you!' she said cheerfully. When they pulled apart it was clear she felt emotional about the reunion.

'My god girl. You weren't kidding about working with dragons, were you?' Michelle joked as she was next to hug her.

Alicia smiled in her embrace. 'Oh you can tell I work with dangerous creatures? How, pray tell?'

Michelle punched her in the shoulder. 'Sarcastic and lacking self-perseverance. You haven't changed a bit.'

Alicia laughed and walked around her towards Sophia. The third witch hugged her tightly too but had nothing to add. They all sat down, ordered butterbeers and started chatting.

'I can't believe we forgot about our monthly meetings,' Michelle said while shaking her head.

'Well, we never even started them. So not so much forgetting as neglecting,' Sophia replied.

'Hey! Don't make it sound like I wanted to abandon you guys,' Elena protested, 'I felt bad all this time! But I've just been-'

'Busy,' all of them said at the same time. Then they all laughed.

'Funny isn't it? How everyone is doomed to be the same cliché?' Alicia said with a smile.

They all took turns to talk about their lives. Sophia was living with Jared, the same guy she was dating in their last year at school. They had bought a house together and were talking about marriage, but he hadn't proposed yet. She had a job at the ministry, working for the department of International Magical Cooperation. Sometimes her job required her to travel but it didn't happen often, so she had enough time to be at home with her partner and family.

Elena had opened a new store in the magical street of Edinburgh, Scotland. It was a bookstore in combination with antiques and magical objects. She also included muggle items and books, in an attempt to make a bridge between both worlds. She wasn't seeing anyone, but she loved to go out with friends and go on dates. Life was busy and cheerful.

Michelle was busy with her internship to become an Auror. It would take two more years for her to complete the training. She tried to sounds chipper, but it was clear that the world wasn't so rose-coloured to her anymore. She saw the dark and the gritty, the illegal and the bad. Also she off-handed mentioned that lately there was a lot of stress inside their department, because the ministry was trying to keep everything quiet that was happening. Suddenly most of their work was classified.

When it was Alicia's time to speak, the first question fired at her was: 'So, you and Professor Lupin. How did that work out?'

Alicia laughed and told them the rocky path that was her life.

'How the tables have turned. Now you're the teacher!' Elena exclaimed. 'How is that?'

'Hard. Very, very hard,' Alicia said as she ran a hand through her hair. 'I am not convinced I'm any good at it.'

'So then why did you do it?' Michelle asked. 'I get that you wanted to be closer to Lupin, but why take a job as a teacher, two years after you graduated?'

She bit her lip. 'Because Dumbledore asked me to.'

Michelle, already curious, now looked like she found the holy grail. Her eyes opened wide and she had a shimmer in them that looked like desire. 'Hold on,' she whispered, leaning over the table, 'Are you saying…you are teaching on Order business?'

'What is-,' Sophia was about to ask loudly before Michelle and Alicia shushed her. Both of them looked around but no one was paying attention. Once she was satisfied, Michelle looked wanting.

'Yes, is the short answer,' Alicia whispered back. 'But you can't ask any questions. Not here.'

'Oh my,' Elena said in a way of answer. She looked uneasy but not judgemental.

'I can't believe it. I should be in it too. I need to be,' Michelle said excitedly. 'Can you introduce me?'

'Yeah fine,' Alicia said waving it off. She really didn't like this topic matter, not in a bar where everyone could walk in. Including Dolores Umbridge.

After a moment of silence, Sophia made a strange sound. 'Hold on. You aren't talking about those looneys that think…well whatever Dumbledore says?'

All three of them just stared silently at her. Put on the spot, she continued. 'Obviously it is all fake. There is nothing going on.'

Michelle and Alicia shared a look. This was tricky. Their friend was a firm believer of the crap the ministry was selling. She was working there daily, so it made sense. Apart from that, Sophia was never one to question peoples lies or intentions. But she was still their friend.

'Soph,' Alicia started, hoping she didn't sound condescending, 'I understand the situation is a bit…difficult. But I need you to be mentally prepared. For when things do go wrong.'

'What do you mean?' she asked with a little laugh, like it was all a joke to her.

'I mean that there just might…be a war. Or at least a lot of bad things happening. People getting killed and all that. Now you have nothing to fear, but you should at least…I dunno. Prepare for the possibility.'

Sophia looked at Elena, who was casting her eyes down. 'Surely you don't all believe that too?' she said, hoping for back-up.

'I'm an Auror, Sophia,' Michelle stated. 'I don't believe. I see. The wizarding world is in deep shit, and the minster is trying to keep it under the table.'

Sophia looked ready to either cry or run away. Her world was being shattered in front of her. 'Lies,' she whispered, her eyes watering.

'Hey, we don't need to talk about this,' Alicia offered. 'There is nothing we can do now anyway. Let's uhm…talk about romance. Michelle, found any yet?'

Romance was always a good topic to distract people. It was one of the most interesting thing to gossip about. Michelle, getting the cue, started telling about a person she had dated for a while. Sophia seemed calmed by this and the conversation got less tense.

Later as Michelle and Sophia went to the loo, Elena turned to Alicia with a sad expression.

'Alicia, I need to tell you something,' she said.

'Okay.'

'I am not blind to the world. I heard enough stories by now to know that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back. And as much as I wish to defend others and fight, I have a shop to run. Also I'm protecting my parents. I can't take off and…'

It took Alicia a moment to understand. 'Elena. I don't think you are weak for not wanting to fight like Michelle.'

A tear fell down Elena's cheek. 'Really? Because I feel like a coward.'

With some shushing sounds Alicia draped her arms around her friend, holding her close. 'Elena, I completely understand how you feel. I didn't…exactly volunteer for it either. I was…no. I am scared of dying, every day. I am not a brave fighter like Michelle, who knows she might give her life for the job one day.'

Elena pulled back. 'Then why don't you leave?'

There were multiple small reasons for her to stay, and most of them were because of others. She wanted to stay to protect Harry, but also because Remus and Sirius expected her to stay. She didn't want to let them down. But she couldn't really say this, because talking about Harry was a tricky subject. So she decided on a half-truth.

'I…I think I am staying out of fear,' Alicia admitted. 'Fear for letting the people I love down. Fear of Dumbledore and what he might do if I fail him. Fear of losing people without even being there when they die.' She tried to refrain herself from crying. 'I actually hate it.'

That was the truth though. The deeply hidden truth. She might understand why she had to work for the Order, but deep down she hated it.

Elena looked at her with pity and compassion. They hugged again and let go when the others returned. Both of them wiped the tears away.

'That must have been a cheerful conversation,' Michelle chimed in.

They both smiled weakly.

Later they were standing outside, ready to go their separate ways. Of course they tried to arrange another meeting for next month, but Alicia could already tell that was going to fail. It was okay though. She felt a bit alienated from her friends after their time apart. Sophia mostly, but Michelle's hard pessimistic view was also rubbing Alicia the wrong way. Elena was the only one she would love to have around more. Funny, how someone can have a 'best friend' for years only to figure out another friend fits you better.

The girls looked interested when a group of students walked by and called Alicia 'professor'. It was hard for them to believe she was actually teaching now. It was a surreal moment.

'Stay in touch okay? Give my name to Dumbledore,' Michelle whispered as they said goodbye. Alicia promised to do so.

Sophia looked a bit coldly as she hugged Alicia. 'Bye girl. See you soon.'

Elena actually made a great effort to hug Alicia as wonderfully as possible. They both wrapped their arms around the other, to share comfort and support. Alicia pulled back before she would start crying again.

They all said goodbye. Alicia decided to go for a walk. As she swerved through the streets of Hogsmeade she could see the Shrieking Shack in the distance. It was quiet now, no longer harbouring a werewolf or a fugitive. Alicia smiled at the idea of having fond memories about an old empty house.

Hagrid's house was still empty. Alicia had the key to it, because loads of supplies for her work were in there. She suddenly remembered that the thestrals still needed to be fed. There was always trouble in doing so, since she couldn't see the invisible creatures.

With a bucket full of slices of raw meat, she walked into the forest. Every once in a while she performed a revealing charm. It worked for a second, giving Alicia an outline of the creatures. She was about to cast the spell again when she noticed someone was standing not far away. That person was Harry Potter.

'Hello Harry,' Alicia said.

Harry looked startled, but at the sight of her relaxed. 'Oh. Good morning professor.'

Alicia chuckled. 'Is that as weird to you as it is to me? Calling me professor after knowing me for years as Alicia?'

He smiled. 'It is a bit strange. But not so much in the classroom. You are quite different during classes.'

'Is that so? I hadn't noticed,' Alicia said thoughtfully.

'Well it's a good thing,' Harry hastened to add. 'In class you are more strict, like a teacher. Outside of it you smile a lot more and are funny. I'm actually starting to see you as two sides. I hope that is okay.'

Dumbledore would have said more than okay! That way you trust this side with everything, right?

'Sure. So, what are you doing here anyway?' she asked him as she took out a piece of meat.

'Oh. I am visiting the thestrals. Something about them keeps pulling me here,' he said as he reached out and started stroking thin air.

Alicia was about to ask how he could see them, when she suddenly understood. She nearly started crying. He could see them because of Cedric.

'Brilliant creatures they are,' Alicia said while clearing her throat. 'Or so the pictures in textbooks say. Would you mind helping me feed them? It is ever so hard when you can't find their mouths.'

Harry chuckled. 'You sound a lot like Hagrid when you talk about animals.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.'

Harry directed her towards the thestrals where she would throw some meat on the ground. She would look as small pieces were getting torn off the meat until it was gone.

'So how is it going? Do you like being a professor?' Harry asked.

The moment he did, Alicia smiled. He had beaten her to the chase. 'Honestly, not really. I do like all the creatures and teaching about them, but I don't like all the theory and the rules and all the chaos.' She threw another piece like it had offended her. 'It's all so much work.'

Harry laughed. 'That I can relate to. I also like the spells, charms and beasts, but not so much the homework and exams.'

They laughed together. 'Urgh you got me. I am secretly still a student. What about you? Anything interesting happen lately?'

'Apart from deeply hating my new DADA teacher, getting detention on the first day and figuring out I can see thestrals now…neh. Pretty uneventful. But I just…' Harry stopped, his jaw clenched.

'What is it?' Alicia asked quietly.

'I feel so angry, like all the time. I'm angry with the world, with Dumbledore, with Umbridge even with my friends,' he finally admitted.

Alicia sighed. 'Now that I can understand very well.'

He looked surprised. 'You do? Most people just tell me to calm down.'

'Ha!' Alicia said suddenly. The thestral in front of her must have been startled by it, as she saw leaves flutter around on the floor. 'What a stupid thing to say. Harry you have every right to be angry. Angry at the world? Obviously. Look what it did to you.'

Harry looked solemn. Alicia continued. 'Angry with Dumbledore? I don't even have to know why. He is getting on my nerves too sometimes. Umbridge doesn't need any form of explanation…'

'I thought you liked her,' Harry muttered.

'Really? Well I'm glad about that,' Alicia said. Harry stared at her. She laughed and explained: 'I need to keep this job. I'm flattering her a bit so I don't get fired.'

'Ahh,' Harry said.

'Don't tell anyone please,' Alicia asked. Harry zipped his lips shut. 'And lastly your friends. What happened there?'

Harry kicked a stone. 'They are very busy with their prefect duties. I know they don't mean to abandon me…but it makes me feel more alone.'

Alicia placed a hand on his arm. 'But you aren't. I know that people in the school are talking about you, and that it all went to shit. But there are always those that support you. Ron and Hermione, but there must be more. The other Weasleys, maybe that sweet kid Neville?'

Harry sighed. 'I know. But there are just so many things happening at once. Like Hagrid leaving…I'm glad you are here…but I miss him.'

Alicia drew him closer, hugging him with one arm. 'I miss him too. I'm sure he will turn up sooner rather than later.'

They continued feeding until the bucket was empty. Alicia looked around, astonished by the idea she was surrounded by winged horses but couldn't see them. There was nothing too weird or outlandish when it came to magical creatures.

'Well I'm going back. Ron and Hermione will probably be free now. I'll see you in class professor,' Harry said with a wink.

'See you in class Mr Potter,' Alicia replied with her hands on her hips. She watched him go. Her smile changed into a grimace. Now she had to remember everything he had said and copy his words to Dumbledore.