4. Someone to Rely On
The moment Aithusa started wiggling in his arms in an attempt to be released, Arthur nearly did so. Until he caught sight of the discarded weapons scattered across the floors of his chambers.
With a hissed curse, Arthur tightened his grip on her and hoisted her higher, trying to mimic the easy way in which Guinevere and Merlin had held her at their waist.
"Hey!" Merlin snapped, dumping a load of dirty laundry into a basket. "Mind your tongue around her, you horrible man!"
Arthur snorted and shot Merlin a grin. "'Horrible man?' Is 'prat' now too uncivil for the ears of children?"
Merlin rolled his eyes and kicked aside the near-bursting basket as he surveyed the remaining clutter. "Did not a single servant step into your chambers in the last three weeks?"
The earlier whirlwind of anger and shock hadn't quite settled yet, and so, Arthur was not the least bit embarrassed when he admitted, "No."
For a second, Merlin appeared startled, and then his lips curled into an easy grin. "What? Couldn't bear to replace me?"
Arthur frowned. "You disappeared without a trace. I―we…feared the worst."
Merlin's grin dropped and he cast his gaze aside as he dragged a hand through his spiky hair. "I…I'm sorry I worried you."
Arthur heaved a sigh and stared down at Aithusa, who seemed put out by his firm hold around her. "You're not meant to do things like this," Arthur finally said. "You're brave, Merlin, but you're a servant. How am I meant to keep you safe, if you're running off to face cruel tyrants like Sarrum by yourself?"
Merlin began to pile the dirty plates and chalices strewn across the dining table onto a discarded tray. "It's never bothered you before."
Arthur's eyes snapped back up. "Before this, you were never on your own! You were behind our line of defense!"
"Ah, I suppose," Merlin agreed easily as he picked up the tray. "I'm going to drop this off at the kitchens. I think there's fur growing on some of these."
Arthur wrinkled his nose in disgust and moved aside, until he recalled the child still wiggling in his arms. "Wait! You cannot mean to leave me alone with her!"
"Is the mighty king of Camelot unable to watch a single child for a few minutes?" Merlin grinned, kicking the door open. "Relax, dallophead! If anyone is good with children, a whiny infant like yourself should be excellent!"
Before he could protest, the door was firmly shut in his face.
Arthur gazed down at Aithusa with a vague sense of horror dawning on him as she wiggled again. But now, she appeared near-tears.
"Damn it," Arthur muttered, readjusting her in his arms and trying to calm her. "Um, hush, it's alright. Your father will be back soon, I promise."
A whining sound escaped her, startling Arthur. Weren't children supposed to be able to speak by now? What if she'd lost the ability to speak while under the capture of Sarrum?
Dread curled at the base of his throat, as he rubbed Aithusa's back, trying to keep her calm. "Shhh, everything is okay now. You're safe here."
Despite his assurances, hot tears and snot leaked across her face. Feeling panicked, Arthur grabbed the nearest garment to wipe her face. "Please, please don't cry," Arthur begged. "It's bad enough Merlin already believes me to be incompetent! Please do not prove him right!"
To his astonishment, Aithusa seemed to calm. She stared up at him, tears clinging to her white lashes as she sniffled.
Afraid to set her off again, Arthur was extremely careful as he wiped her face clear once more. "Thank you," he sighed. "Truly. You are much kinder than my idiot manservant."
When Aithusa frowned, Arthur was quick to say, "It's okay. Your father isn't a complete idiot…well, he is. But I admit, I quite like it that way."
Arthur sighed, wondering why he was trying to explain himself to a child. He wasn't even positive Aithusa could understand everything he was saying. Although he knew nothing about the development of children, Arthur had the feeling that whatever trauma Aithusa had endured had seriously stunted her growth.
Aithusa huffed quietly and leaned forward, resting her cheek against his shoulder. Arthur was momentarily startled, but he tried his best to gently rock her in his arms, until her breathing slowed and her eyes fluttered shut.
He felt his heart swell with warmth as he wondered if this is what it was like to have children.
With the threat of Morgana encroaching upon their every notion of lasting peace, he and Guinevere had decided to wait, unwilling to have any of their potential children used as leverage against them. But perhaps, now…
Arthur turned as the doors to his chambers were flung open.
"See?" Merlin grinned, as soon as he caught sight of Aithusa slumbering peacefully in Arthur's arms. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
"Get on with it, Merlin," Arthur scowled.
"Alright, but why are you holding your cloak?"
Arthur glanced down at the snot-coated fabric in his hand, and with dismay, realized he'd sullied his last remaining clean cloak.
"You missed one," Arthur said instead, trying not to jostle Aithusa as he tossed it atop the pile of dirty laundry near his bed.
"It'll have to wait," Merlin said, as he sauntered across the room, picking up discarded pieces of Arthur's armor and weapons that had never made their way back to the armory. "Your armor is dull and absolutely filthy. Let's go."
Arthur marched after Merlin with a huff, shutting the door to his chambers behind them. "You expect me to accompany you to the armory?"
"Well, yes," Merlin said, shooting him a look above the pile of armor and weapons in his arms as they fell into step beside each other, striding down the narrow corridors. "It'll take me a while to get through all of this. And how else do you expect me to complete my chores and take care of Aithusa at the same time?"
"I'm not her nursemaid, Merlin!"
Merlin snorted. "Could've fooled me."
The retort on the tip of his tongue was immediately cut short when Aithusa stirred in his arms. Arthur was quick to shush her and pat her back until she'd relaxed against his shoulder once more.
Merlin grinned.
"Not a word, Merlin."
"I didn't say anything, my lord," he snickered.
Arthur made sure Aithusa's weight was balanced in one of his arms, before lifting a free hand and cuffing Merlin across the back of the head.
"Oi! Watch it!" Merlin snapped, nearly losing his balance. "If you dent this armor any further, I will not be responsible for repairing it!"
"Yes you will, Merlin. That's your job." Before he could snap back with a surly retort, Arthur added, "And no, Merlin, you cannot quit."
"How can I, with another mouth to feed?" Merlin snorted.
"If this is your way of asking for a raise…"
"And what if it is?" he challenged.
Arthur cast Aithusa's sleeping face another glance. She was drooling on the shoulder of his tunic.
"Consider it done."
Merlin grinned. "I knew there was a reason I came back."
Arthur thought of the numerous patrols, sentries, and knights who'd searched for him high and low. "You wouldn't have had a choice regardless."
He snorted. "True. You wouldn't last a day without me."
Arthur didn't disagree.
With a light kick, Merlin opened the door to the armory and strolled in, quick to dump the heavy load he carried across one of the tables with a sharp clang.
"If Aithusa cries, it'll be your fault," Arthur said, sliding onto the bench.
Merlin's expression softened. "Of course. No need to be a mother hen."
"I am no such thing."
Merlin failed to hide his grin as he traipsed about the armory, storing and hanging weapons in their rightful place. "What did you do to your armor? I've rarely seen it reach such a dismal state," Merlin said, dropping onto the bench across from him with oil and rags in hand.
Arthur shrugged uncomfortably. "I recently lead a couple of patrols."
Merlin scrunched his nose as he began to wipe down the filthy armor. "Why?"
"Why do you think?" he snapped. "I was searching for you, you idiot."
"Oh."
Merlin appeared chagrined and grew quiet as a result. Arthur didn't bother to break the silence, more than willing to allow Merlin to wallow if it meant he would never make the same mistake again. God knew Arthur had endured enough anguish over Merlin's disappearance to last a few lifetimes.
Unfortunately, the silence meant Arthur began to dwell on all the things Merlin had yet to answer for. And he himself grew uncomfortable, as he began to think about all the things he didn't know about Merlin.
Unable to quell his curiosity, Arthur asked, "What is your brother like?"
Merlin's hands momentarily froze. And when he answered, his brow was furrowed, jaw tense. "I…I don't know. For a long time, I thought he was trying to help me, in his own weird, cryptic way. But then…I guess he's bitter about a lot of things and I can hardly blame him."
Arthur wanted to tease him, point out that he was being as cryptic as his so-called brother. But Merlin was wound up so tight, shoulders nearly drawn up to his ears, that Arthur feared a single, biting comment would completely silence him.
"You said he once resided in Camelot?"
"…Yes, he did."
"Did I ever meet him?"
Merlin frowned. "If it's all the same to you, I'd really rather not discuss him any more."
Arthur dropped his eyes back down to Aithusa, whose face was now tucked against his chest, legs draped across his lap, as he tried to conceal his disappointment.
The tense silence was quickly broken by a, "Lads, I found them! They're in here!"
In the next moment, the knights, washed clean of all forest grime and dressed down to their trousers and tunics, paraded into the armory and crowded them. On either side of Arthur, Leon and Elyan squeezed onto the ends of the bench, while Percival and Gwaine did the same to Merlin.
"Has princess really got you doing chores?!" Gwaine demanded in clear outrage.
"Would you pipe down? You'll wake her," Arthur snapped.
"What's the matter with her arms?" Elyan asked with a frown, peering down at Aithusa from Arthur's right.
"Merlin did say she was hurt," Leon recalled solemnly.
"She's so small!"
"Percival you're the size of a mountain," Gwaine scoffed. "Everything is small in comparison to you." Regardless, Gwaine leaned across the table in an effort to get a closer look at Aithusa. "How the devil did you hide a whole ass child from everyone, Merlin?"
Arthur drew his eyes back to Merlin, who shifted uncomfortably, squeezed between Percival's colossal form and Gwaine who didn't know the meaning of personal space.
"It wasn't without effort," Merlin sighed.
"You should have told us," Elyan said. "Going off on your own without protection was foolish. How was she hurt?"
"She was tortured."
A crushing silence descended upon them, the cruelty of his confession sitting between them like a gutted wound, as they eyed each other in horror and trepidation.
Arthur swallowed past the ragged grief cutting his throat. "Merlin, you never said…"
"I didn't see the purpose in discussing all the gruesome details," Merlin snapped, voice catching.
"We'll kill him," Gwaine decided, stone-cold. "Whoever did this to your daughter, to Aithusa. We'll kill him."
"There's no need," Merlin said flatly. "He's already dead."
Arthur's eyes fixed on Merlin, whose face was void of all emotion. A new stillness settled over them, heavy with the burden of deeds unsaid.
"Perhaps," Leon carefully broke the silence. "You should start from the beginning."
There was something heavy lodged in Arthur's chest, which grew hotter with grief the longer Merlin sat frozen, unable to utter a sound.
So, Arthur spoke for him.
"When Aithusa was born, Merlin entrusted her care to his brother," Arthur said, repeating Merlin's earlier words.
Merlin's eyes shot to him, glinting with relief. "Yes," he breathed, voice barely audible.
"What? Why?" Gwaine cut in, and then realized, "You have a brother?"
Merlin nodded mutely.
"Why…did you send her away?" Elyan asked.
Merlin's gaze dropped down to Aithusa resting in Arthur's arms. "She was not safe in Camelot."
Arthur recalled Guinevere's belief―that Freya, a Druid girl, was Aithusa's mother. If she was right, if Aithusa was the daughter of a Druid, it would prove Merlin's statement right, because…
"Four years ago, you were not king."
"How could she not be?" Leon said, alarmed. "Is she safe now?"
Arthur's eyes locked with Merlin's. A standstill full of promises unspoken.
"…Yes, I believe so," Merlin finally said.
"And her mother?" Percival was brave enough to venture.
Merlin did not stutter. "Aithusa does not have a mother."
Gwaine clapped a firm hand onto Merlin's shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, my friend."
"Thank you, Gwaine."
Arthur flickered his gaze between the two as he realized that earlier, it was not the mention of Aithusa's mother which had agitated Merlin, but the mention of Freya by name.
"Who was it, that did this to your daughter?" Elyan asked.
"It was Sarrum of Amata."
A litany of curses erupted amongst the knights.
"You killed King Sarrum? Merlin, what were you thinking?!" Gwaine hissed, squeezing his shoulder.
Merlin winced and shrugged his hand off. "I did what I had to do Gwaine."
"Alone?"
Merlin grimaced.
"Why would King Sarrum want anything to do with Aithusa?" Leon asked.
"Because, it was not Sarrum who took Aithusa," Arthur said, cutting to the chase. "It was Morgana."
It was as if all the air had been sucked from the room, the way the knights stared at Merlin and Arthur in muted horror.
"And when Sarrum captured Morgana," Merlin continued, "He captured Aithusa as a result."
"Merlin, what the hell," Gwaine choked out. "You went to face Morgana alone?"
"Aithusa was not the only one tortured by Sarrum," Merlin said grimly. "She was hardly a threat."
"Gwaine is right. How…how could you undertake this rescue mission on your own?" Elyan hissed.
Merlin scowled. "Perhaps because I am not as incapable as you lot believe me to be."
"Merlin," Leon interjected gently, "It's not about how capable you are. We…we are your friends. And you placed yourself and Aithusa in great danger by not seeking out help. If this quest of yours had ended in misfortune, if you had perished, we…"
"It's unthinkable," Arthur said, when Leon was unable to find the words.
Merlin was near-tears, staring down at his fisted hands resting on the table.
Percival broke the tension with a hardy slap to Merlin's back. "Arthur's right," he sighed. "You are an idiot."
If Merlin's resulting laugh was slightly hysterical, no one made mention of it.
"But wow," Gwaine said in disbelief. "You're a father. And you have a secret brother. You are full of surprises, mate. Anything else you'd like to share?"
Merlin scrunched his nose. "No, I rather think that's enough for one conversation."
"Agreed. I'm not sure how many more surprises I can handle," Elyan laughed.
"Yes, well, high mental capacity is not an ability I anticipate of you lot," Merlin snickered.
He was met by shoves from Gwaine and Percival on either side of him.
"So," Gwaine smiled mischievously. "Have you decided which one of us has the honor of being godfather?"
"I reckon it's not you," Percival barked a laugh. "You'd be feeding her ale before the week was up!"
"Oh, like you would be any better, Percival. You'd crush poor little Aithusa by simply trying to pick her up with your mammoth hands. And that's hardly any more charitable," Elyan grinned.
The argument only devolved from there.
Above the bicker and chatter, Arthur and Merlin exchanged a fond grin.
"While I find this topic of discussion absolutely riveting, I must take my leave," Arthur cut in. "I have a council meeting scheduled prior to dinner."
Leon immediately slid off the bench, allowing Arthur room to stand and leave the armory in haste.
It wasn't until he was half-way to the council chambers, that Arthur realized he still held Aithusa's slumbering form in his arms.
A/N: Meanwhile, back in the armory:
Gwaine: I'm gonna tell him.
Merlin: Don't you dare!
Also, if you have no personal experience with four-year-olds and how big they are, think of Morgan Stark in Endgame. Aithusa is malnourished and injured, but she'd be almost the same size.
I hope you enjoyed! :3