The control room was mostly silent, save for the occasional noise of Kleiner occupying himself with the machinery. Bored and anxious as Barney was, he had briefly considered asking the man what he was doing, but ultimately decided against it in the end, knowing he would eventually give up on trying to follow the scientist's lengthy explanations. So he stayed where he was, leaned against a nearby wall. Eli was resting on the couch, nursing a cup of coffee that had long since gone cold. None of them said a word, and they waited.
All three of them were startled as the control room door opened. Their first instinct at this point was to react with annoyance, honestly. They'd learned not to get their hopes up over the past couple of days, given that Magnusson was the only other person who frequented this room, nagging them about something or other before leaving again. They had all decided that they would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.
However, when the door opened, it revealed not just one person, but two; two familiar faces that looked exhausted, but alive.
"Alyx! Gordon!" Eli set his cup aside, managing to stand, and made his way over to them. Alyx met him halfway, both wrapping the other in an embrace. "Thank god you're safe. Both of you." He smiled at Gordon over Alyx's shoulder, who was watching the exchange with a weary smile as he approached.
"We're fine, Dad." Alyx pulled away. "A little tired," she glanced at Gordon with a fond smile, "but fine."
"Thank heavens! It's such a relief to have you both back safe and sound," Kleiner spoke up. "I take it the two of you were successful?"
Alyx nodded. "Whatever the Combine were after is long gone now."
Barney was the only one who still remained unmoving, rooted to where he stood. He could only stare incredulously, trying to make himself believe that Gordon was actually here. Ever since he'd stopped him from getting on the train to Nova Prospekt only a few days prior, he couldn't shake the fear that he'd disappear all over again.
"Well, I'll be damned!" He managed, moving once he'd finally found his voice. "You two sure are a sight for sore eyes."
"Barney!" Alyx cried, hugging him as well.
"Hey there, Al." He grunted slightly at the force of her embrace but grinned, amazed at the energy she radiated despite everything that had been thrown at her.
"When did you get here?" She asked as she released him.
"Right after you two left, I was told. Wish I could've gotten here sooner." He looked at Gordon now, who still hung back a few paces. He looked as if he was doing what Barney himself had done only moments before, gazing at him with eyes glazed over with exhaustion, but adoring all the same.
Seeing him up close, Gordon's haggard appearance was much more apparent.
His face was cut in several places, the worst of which appeared to be under a bloody bandage on his forehead. The HEV wasn't looking so hot either; the metal had a few more dents in it than he recalled, and some of the unarmored, padded areas of Gordon's arms and stomach were ripped. Not to mention all the blood splattered across it, an especially large amount at Gordon's side. Barney just hoped the blood was that of Combine soldiers and not the suit's occupant.
The former scientist's face brightened, looking as if he was about to give Barney a hug of his own. However, he only managed a couple of steps before stumbling. Gordon had taken one step too many and the trauma his body had sustained over the last few days was catching up to him all at once. With no immediate threat on the horizon, no destination to push towards, and no adrenaline to keep him moving, his brain was giving his body the all-clear to shut down without his consent. Sudden pain in his head brought spots to his vision, and he swayed on his feet for a moment before letting go for the first time since Black Mesa.
"Gordon!" Closing the distance between them, Barney caught him before he hit the floor, kneeling down and letting The Free Man's head rest in his lap.
"Oh my god," Alyx gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth. She rushed over, joining Calhoun on the floor beside Gordon. "Do you think he's okay Barney?"
"I-I don't know…" Looking down at him, he realized that this was the most serene he had seen Gordon in… well, in almost 20 years. Since the day he saw him again for the first time in City 17, he had this haunted look about him with something melancholy underneath, eyebrows always knit together in worry instead of that inquisitive contemplation Barney used to know. "What happened to him out there?"
Alyx didn't answer immediately, lost in thought for a moment, but looking increasingly anxious as she realized the possible seriousness of his condition. She felt tears well up. Gordon may have made it back alive, but that evidently didn't mean he was out of harm's way. After everything he had done to help them, she thought that was painfully unfair.
"Alyx?" Barney pulled her from her thoughts, now looking incredibly uneasy as well. She quickly wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.
"He almost didn't make it off the ship before it detonated… He found a way to set it off, but he made me run ahead of him. He said he'd be right behind me, so I waited for him by one of the hull entrances. I'm not sure what he did, but it wasn't long before I heard the first blast. I saw him coming, but he got caught up in a detonation before he could get to me. He… he got hit pretty hard." She gently rested her hand on his forehead where the bandage had been hastily applied by her own shaking hands once they had made it to safety. "I tried to get him to rest on the trip back, but he wouldn't. Kept insisting he was fine. I mean, he seemed alright, besides the obvious. A little shaken up, sure, but he just wouldn't quit."
"He needs to go to the medical center right away." Eli urged, looking down at Gordon, worry clear on his face as well.
Barney nodded and carefully hoisted Gordon up into his arms; even with the HEV, it didn't take too much effort to lift him. He didn't stir, head resting against the former security guard's chest. "Lead the way, Alyx."
When they arrived at the clinic, Barney let Gordon rest on one of the cots while Alyx did most of the talking, recounting the physical trauma Freeman had experienced during his time aboard the Borealis.
The HEV had to be removed first. Stripped of armor, Gordon looked almost fragile, his previously bulky appearance mostly attributed to the padding and metal of the suit. Considering everything Gordon had been through, it surprised Barney he hadn't succumbed to his critical condition sooner.
As much as Barney hated to think it, it was probably better that it had happened this way. Gordon was not one to be fussed over, and he would exhaust all other options before asking for any sort of help. He had a habit of making others' needs a higher priority than his own, which meant he didn't always take proper care of himself. Besides all of that, Freeman remained to be the most stubborn individual Barney had ever encountered. Had Gordon been awake, they probably would have had to drag him to the medical bay, assuming they could get him there at all.
Barney and Alyx kept a respectable distance, giving the doctor enough space to work, but they were still close enough to see the terrible shape Gordon was in. The white t-shirt he had been wearing underneath the Hazard Suit was now numerous shades of red and brown. The doctor paused for a moment, thoughtful, before she began sifting through a drawer and produced a pair of scissors.
"His shirt needs to be removed for me to give a proper assessment. I don't want to risk disturbing him or his wounds more than necessary so it will have to be cut away," she explained, not missing the confused and somewhat alarmed looks on their faces as she positioned the tool near his lower abdomen.
"Jesus," Alyx whispered once the shirt was out of the way. Barney felt sick.
Gordon was bloody, his pale skin covered in purple splotches. Barney deduced some of the bruises could be attributed to bullets that the HEV hadn't completely kept at bay. One wound on his side was so bloody it had to have been caused by a bullet actually breaking through the exterior of the suit. He was covered in various lacerations as well. Some looked older, already scarring. Others looked fresh.
"He's lost a lot of blood. If he isn't already, he'll probably suffer from morphine withdrawal as well, which unfortunately is not uncommon with HEV users," the doctor informed them once she had finished examining him, looking contemplative. "There's a high probability of a concussion as well."
Barney shook his head. He couldn't say he was surprised, though. How Gordon had made it this far, he honestly didn't know. He was well aware that Gordon had terrible self-preservation instincts. If Barney had to guess, he'd say that Gordon probably had not wanted to give Alyx something else to worry about. Or there was so much morphine in his system that he didn't feel the severity of his injuries. Probably both.
"What he needs the most right now is rest," she concluded. "He's welcome to stay here but it isn't the quietest place in the world."
"He can stay in my room," Barney suggested.
"I'm sure that would be much more comfortable for him. Now, let me get him cleaned up. I'll dress his wounds and give him something to help with the pain, and he should pull through. Just keep an eye on him and change his bandages again when he wakes up. Here, you can take this with you," the doctor said, reaching for an unused medkit and handing it to Alyx.
Once Gordon was patched up, Calhoun wrapped him in the blanket he was resting on and gingerly took him back into his arms. Gordon had no other clothes, and there was no way in hell Barney was putting him back in that Hazard Suit again. He would just have to find something for him to put on later.
After giving the doctor their thanks, the two of them made their way from the medical bay to Barney's room in silence, with Gordon resting in the field commander's arms as still as ever, never stirring.
Alyx opened the door for Barney before following him inside, where he gently laid Gordon on his bed and covered him with an extra blanket before turning to her. "You should get some rest too." He took the medkit she was holding and set it aside. "You don't look too far off from collapsing, yourself." She opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her before she could. "I'll look after him, don't you worry."
She smiled but looked away, clearly troubled, as her gaze drifted to Gordon. "I should have noticed something was wrong."
"Hey, now, don't say that. It's not your fault. Gordon's never been all that great at taking care of himself, anyway." He shook his head, but his smile was affectionate. "Can't tell you how many times I caught him dozing off in his office during my late shifts back at Black Mesa. He'd probably be in much rougher shape if you hadn't been with him."
She smiled again, this time looking more genuine. She hugged him and he readily returned the embrace. "Thanks, Barney."
"No problem. I'm just glad you're both safe." He pulled away. "Now, go get some rest! He's gonna want to see you when he wakes up, you know."
She nodded. "You better take it easy too, Barney."
And with that, she quietly closed the door behind her.
Barney could feel his own exhaustion creeping up on him. What little sleep he had gotten since his arrival at White Forest had been restless at best, consumed with anxiety about the uncertainty of Gordon and Alyx's safe return. Having them back gave him enough peace of mind to rest, and at this point, he felt like he could crash just about anywhere. He pulled a chair over to Gordon's bedside and sat down.
He took a moment to really take in the sight of Gordon, looking as peaceful as ever as he laid there. Barney couldn't help but smile. He hoped he was having a peaceful sleep. God knew no one deserved it more than The One Free Man.
He gently slipped Gordon's glasses off of his nose, laying them on the bedside table. Barney crossed his arms on the bed and rested his head there beside him. He took Gordon's hand into his own and fell asleep in a matter of minutes to the sound of his gently breathing.
Peaceful as he looked though, Gordon's sleep was far from it.
"You have to go. Hurry!" Gordon implored her.
"What? No! No, I'm not just gonna leave you here, what—?"
"Go on ahead of me. I'll be right behind you."
"But—"
"Trust me."
Adverse as she was to his plea, she found she really couldn't muster any further argument in the face of his earnest gaze. Gordon had protected her, as well as put his faith in her too many times to count. He held the trust of the entire Resistance on his shoulders, yet he never asked for I; they thrust it upon him, and he had no say. They were an army of innocent people he refused to let down simply because he knew they had faith in him before they'd even met him. Since she'd known him, he had never asked anything of anyone. It felt wrong to deny him the one time he specifically requested the trust of someone else. She already trusted Gordon with her life, and she would not question that trust now. "Just promise me you'll be careful, okay?" she urged him.
Gordon nodded fervently. "I promise." He hesitated for a moment before quickly signing, "If I'm not out in twenty minutes, go without me. Please." He turned on his heel and ran for the main control room before she could protest further.
Letting out a small huff of resignation, she nodded resolutely and started springing ahead in the opposite direction towards their exit.
As he went, Freeman listened for the telltale sound of radio chatter that would alert him to any leftover soldiers they had not already taken out. Much to his relief, he heard none, and he quickly opened the door to his destination and shut it behind him.
He fumbled to turn on his flashlight, shaken by the darkness that enveloped him once the door was shut. Armed with a light source, he could see that the room was fairly large, with walls covered in various machinery and computer terminals. There was a large hole in the wall on the far side of the room as well, which Gordon moved towards now, wanting to properly scope out the area before he assessed his options.
As he approached, he could see that it was more akin to a doorway than a hole. It looked as if an enormous square of the wall had been purposefully cut away, lines too straight to be accidental.
Standing in the makeshift doorway, he could see that most of the technology that had occupied this room now littered the floor in pieces. The ceiling was higher in this room than the previous one as well. He looked up, just making out three structures in the darkness that seemed to remain intact, and directing his flashlight up towards them confirmed his fear. These were Advisor pods, two of them empty. The third was still closed, with a small red light blinking on the front. He didn't see any device that could be sustaining the pods, though. Maybe that one just hadn't hatched properly? He didn't know, and he didn't plan on sticking around to investigate.
As he returned to the main room, his flashlight passed over something that had escaped his notice only moments ago. Evidently, Aperture had been prepared for the worst, and judging by the corpse he now saw of the poor soul that had died here god knows how long ago, it had happened. He was right in front of a panel where the cover had been ripped off. Gordon assumed it was the panel that would execute the 'terminate' command. Black Mesa had similar fail-safes in place but on a much, much smaller scale, as they had never planned to level the facility in case of a failed experiment—not to Gordon's knowledge anyway, but he honestly wouldn't be surprised.
This one had wires connected to every terminal in the room, and some appeared to lead out of the room as well, snaking through the walls. They had been willing to destroy the boat and themselves along with it, if it meant no one found whatever the hell it was they were hiding here.
While the circumstances weren't so lucky for the person who had apparently died trying to input the command, it was lucky for Gordon that the panel was already open. Though the power had been cut in this room, he hoped by some miracle that the command was still active.
He hoped he gave Alyx enough of a head start to ensure her safety. He hoped that he would be able to join her. He hoped—
The former physicist stopped his downward spiral of distress, steeling himself and regaining his focus. He'd survived situations that were much more life-threatening than this, after all. He had a job to do and people were relying on him. He couldn't afford any other outcome.
If this countermeasure really was as similar to the ones from Black Mesa as he assumed they were, it should have been able to sustain power on its own as long as it remained functional. As far as Gordon was aware, no one had ever used them in the facility, and certainly not during the time he worked there. Nothing had ever gone so horribly awry as to warrant using one, except for Resonance Cascade, and everyone in the control room died before anyone could think to activate it. Not that it would have made any difference.
Working on the assumption that the command code had already been input on the panel, he flipped the switch that he was fairly certain would allow the device to rely on its own internal power source. He was rewarded with all the panel buttons lighting up in oranges and blues, save for one red button located closest to the keypad. He held his breath and pressed it.
A charge of power seemed to sweep from the panel outward, causing every device in the room to come alive for a moment before going dark again. The panel lights blinked and flickered for a moment, until a small screen lit up with a timer and the beeping began, punctuating the seconds passing.
Gordon sighed with relief. He couldn't believe it worked.
His relief was short-lived, though, as it so often was.
He felt a horrible, pulsing pain in his head that was so severe it brought him to his knees.
That wave of power from the panel proved to have dire consequences, as it had been enough to jolt the remaining Advisor pod, allowing the creature inside to emerge.
Forcing his vision to clear, he watched as the thing loomed towards him. He tried to get to his feet, but he felt something force him back down on the ground, pinning him in place.
He tried to force down his fear long enough to think of some way out of this, but logically he knew there was nothing he could do. Thinking back to his first Advisor encounter, the only reason he had walked away alive was pure luck, and he had a feeling his was finally running out.
He was fucked.
His head pulsed again as he felt himself being lifted from the ground. His heart was drumming in his ears, terror spiking.
The terminal continued to beep, counting down to the first detonation, but it sounded muffled and far away now.
The thing brought him closer, a long, thin tendril snaking out to touch his throat. He grimaced. It turned him facing away, his back to the creature now. He tried to control his breathing, blinking away tears as he squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for his abrupt end.
Two final thoughts cut clearly through his panic: he took solace knowing that at least Alyx would be safe. Then his heart sank with the realization that he would never get to see Barney again.
The terminal beeped one final time, followed by an explosion heard from somewhere else on the ship.
The Advisor dropped him, distracted by the sudden noise. Gordon lay dazed for a moment. He couldn't believe he was still alive. He forced himself not to dwell on it, stumbling to his feet. He hoped the thing wouldn't follow him; that it would be too distracted. There was nothing the Combine could do to stop the detonations before the whole ship went up, anyway. It would have to have been disabled through the monitors, and any hope of that was long gone with the ship's original power source.
He slammed the control room door behind him and sprinted back in the direction he came. He didn't have too far to go, but it wasn't long before he heard radio chatter and gunfire behind him.
White, hot pain stole his vision for a moment, causing him to stumble, but he willed himself to press on.
He did not hear the HEV inform him of his injury or the morphine dose over the sound of another explosion sounding off behind him, which slowed his pursuers. His adrenaline was running so high that he didn't notice the pain from the gunshot wound again until he felt the initial sting of the morphine injection, and the pain quickly ebbed away to a dull ache. It was forgotten again a moment later. No matter what happened to him, he didn't care, as long as it didn't kill him.
Just as he turned a corner and saw the hull entrance he had sent Alyx through only a little while earlier, he just barely heard a digital tone to his right, followed by a deafening blast, the force of which tossed him against the opposite wall.
"Gordon!" he heard a distant, panicked shout. He tried to force his vision to clear, to remain conscious as he felt hands on either side of his face. "Gordon? Gordon, can you hear me? Gordon!" He tried to respond but he couldn't lift his hands to sign, and the voice sounded muffled as if he were underwater.
All the sounds were so overwhelming. It all bled together into one pile of noise that got louder and louder, ringing in his ears until—
Gordon sat up frantically, panting as he brought his trembling hands to his throat. He winced, head throbbing caused by his sudden change in position. His whole body ached, and he felt an especially sharp sting of pain in his side, pulling a quiet whimper from his throat and fueling his panic. It was dark, and he didn't know where he was. The only thing his mind would cling to was the memory of that thing. He could almost still feel it touching the back of his neck, trying to decide which spot would kill him the quickest, or which would make him suffer the most.
He remembered being on the ground, looking up at Alyx's terrified face and trying to understand what she was saying to him, but he only heard a jumble of noise. From that point forward had been little more than a blur for him, running purely on morphine and adrenaline.
While Gordon struggled to breathe, he didn't notice the stirring of the person next to him, his sudden movement and the creaking of the mattress springs having roused Barney from his own rest.
"Gordon?" he said sleepily. Gordon jolted, startled by the sound of Barney's voice in the dark. Barney turned on a small lamp on the bedside table and the younger man recoiled, eyes not used to the light and fearing what it could reveal. "Woah! Easy there, Doc. It's just me. Are you alright?"
Gordon looked at him—well, it would be more accurate to say that he looked through him. He was still dazed, frantically spelling, "A-d-v-i-s-o-r," in response. The older man gave him a confused look, worried by the terror and urgency in his expression. "A-d-v-i-s-o-r," Freeman signed again, indignantly. "Not safe! Not safe here!"
"I… I don't understand, Doc."
"C-o-m-b-i-n-e." Gordon shifted, trying to shuffle out of bed. "It's not safe here we have to—" he let out a weak cry of pain in his haste to move.
"Gordon! Gordon, you're not making any sense. Tell me what's got you so riled up—"
"Alyx! Where's Alyx? Need to find her!" He tried to shift again, to stand.
"Oh no no no, you're not going anywhere. You're gonna hurt yourself even more." Barney gripped his biceps, trying to keep him settled. "Alyx is fine. She's probably still sleeping."
Gordon just kept struggling, like he hadn't heard him.
Barney quickly tried to feel Gordon's forehead as best he could against his struggles. Gordon wouldn't let him keep his hand there long enough to be sure. If what the medic said was true about the HEV suit and morphine withdrawal, then severe fever wasn't out of the question. With severe fever came the possibility of delirium. He quickly rested his hand on the back of the younger man's neck instead.
Gordon seized forward in panic, clinging to Barney's forearms. Barney withdrew his hand quickly, startled by how hot Gordon felt and his violent response to his touch.
"It… It's going to kill m-me," he rasped, voice coming out hoarse from disuse as he gasped for breath. He put his hands to his throat again, and suddenly everything clicked for Barney.
He had never come face to face with an Advisor, but he had seen them kill.
Barney was bewildered, unused to seeing Gordon this way. Gordon, who had gone through hell and back and remained stoic and resilient throughout it all, was breaking right in front of him and he didn't know how to help.
"Listen to me." The frightened man continued to struggle weakly in his arms. Barney tried to ease him back down on the bed. "Gordon, honey, listen to me, please!" Barney put his hands on Gordon's now tear-stained cheeks, forcing his eyes to meet his.
Gordon finally gave up the fight, gaze focusing on the face in front of him.
"There aren't any Advisors, Gordon. This is White Forest. You're safe. Nothing is going to hurt you here, okay? I promise." He wiped some of Gordon's tears away with his thumb. "Come back to me, Doc. Are you with me?"
He feebly reached out to Barney, intending to wrap his arms around him, but twisting his body caused him to contort in pain and he wound up more closely to falling against him instead. Calhoun moved closer to him, hoping this position would be more comfortable. Sure enough, Gordon relaxed against him with a shuddering sigh and his hold on him tightened. "Hey there, darlin'. I've gotcha." He said tenderly, relieved.
After a moment, Gordon pulled away. This time he was the one holding Barney's face between his hands, studying him. Pink dusted the older man's cheeks, and he chuckled sheepishly. "What are you doin' there? Do I have something on my f—" Lips were on his before he could finish. He paused, overcome with emotion as he realized that just the day before, he had been resigning himself to the possibility that maybe he really had lost Gordon again, only this time, he wouldn't be coming back. Now, here Gordon was, tangible and real in his arms.
However, Barney could sense his trepidation—that there was underlying desperation in the way his chapped lips worked against Barney's own, but he was holding back. Gordon kissed him like he was looking for reassurance, consolation after everything he had been through, but was too afraid to ask for it.
Gordon just wanted to get lost in him.
Barney melted into him, deepening the kiss. He pressed a hand to the small of Gordon's back and the other against the nape of his neck, pulling him ever closer, never close enough. Gordon felt sparks ignite in his stomach, skin tingling under his hands. Between Barney taking up his mouth and his arms holding him close, Gordon was caught between wanting to lean further into the kiss and into the warmth of Barney's hands against his skin. He hadn't been touched like this in so long the sensations were wonderfully overwhelming his senses, making his head spin. A soft moan was pulled from his throat, any previous reservation now gone. Gordon readily took him in, savoring him, hands resting on Barney's waist.
When they finally broke away, both of them were panting, leaving Gordon feeling dizzy. Freeman went back to hugging him, pressing a kiss to the crook of Barney's neck before burying his face there, trembling. A small sound escaped him, a shaky breath that grew into a sob he failed to stifle. "I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered.
"I know, darlin', I know. It's alright now." Barney shushed him and held him as tightly as he dared. "You're alright." He began to cry again, tear tracks from his earlier panic now replaced by tears of relief. In that moment, he believed Barney. Maybe things really were going to be okay. Maybe this newfound safety wouldn't be ripped away from him by the cruel puppet master that called itself his employer. He dared to hope.
Barney wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but after a while, Gordon's trembling subsided and his sobs dissolved into occasional hiccups. Gordon reluctantly released him, sniffling, his pain flaring up from being in that position for so long. He wiped his eyes and took a moment to stretch, relieving some of the aching stiffness in his joints with a few pops. Barney winced at the noise.
"You took quite the fall earlier, you know." Gordon looked at him questioningly. "Do you remember anything that happened at all?"
Gordon took a moment to try and think but ultimately he shook his head. "Not much. I remember coming back with Alyx, and seeing Eli and Kleiner and you, then it gets fuzzy." Barney hummed.
"You passed out. Just fell. Gave us quite a scare. Took you to medical first, and then here so you could sleep. About time you got outta that damn HEV. The doc said it could have been part of the problem."
He gave Barney a confused look, expecting him to elaborate, but several sudden realizations hit him at the mention of the HEV. One, he wasn't wearing it. He was only in his boxers and socks. Second, he was sitting in a bed he could only assume belonged to Barney, stripped down to almost nothing. He felt heat rush to his face. He had been so overwhelmed by emotion that he hadn't even noticed. He had been coming down from a panic attack and overcome with relief at Barney's presence, and the kiss they'd shared had taken up his senses, making everything else feel distant somehow.
He scrambled to cover his torso a bit, suddenly feeling very exposed, and the cold air against his chest made him shiver. It was only then that he realized how cold he was as well, and Barney took notice too.
"Oh! Hold on there a second, Doc, you gotta be freezing. This place ain't exactly the warmest, anyway. I'm sure that fever of yours isn't doing you any favors, either. Let me patch you up and I'll get you something warm to put on."
Barney grabbed the medkit off of the bedside table. "Alright. Let's have a look at ya. Here, lie back for me." Barney helped him ease down on the bed, and Gordon felt more of his aching subside.
Barney started with the gash on his forehead, gently peeling the bandage away. Having only previously seen it from a distance in the medical bay, it looked much deeper up close, but seemed to be healing already, by a small margin at least. "Does it hurt?"
"No," Gordon signed, trying to hold still while he was being examined.
"Good." Barney covered it with a clean bandage and moved lower down, pulling the blanket from Gordon's chest. "Now, this one's not gonna be as easy..."
He momentarily felt the heat in his cheeks spread to the tips of his ears as he felt Barney's eyes on him, until he was confronted with what he hadn't wanted to see, his sheepishness quickly forgotten when he looked down and saw his wounds for the first time. They were worse than he thought, just as he'd feared. For the better part of his time out of stasis he hadn't cared, nor had the time to care about the state he was in. His main goal being to survive, he'd stopped caring about the smaller detail of just how close he came to failing a long time ago. As long as he succeeded, that was all that mattered. With the morphine previously keeping the pain dulled, his injuries had been especially easy to ignore.
"This might sting a little," Barney warned once he had removed the old and now bloody bandage from Gordon's side and began cleaning the wound. Gordon inhaled sharply at the burn of the disinfectant, resolutely keeping his eyes locked on the concrete ceiling. Barney gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I'm trying to be as quick as I can." He gently rested his hand on Gordon's chest as it rose and fell, feeling his rapid heartbeat. The wounded man let his eyes fall shut, focusing on the grounding warmth of his touch. Barney watched him with a bittersweet smile, glad he could offer some comfort, but regretted that he couldn't do more. He let his eyes roam from Gordon's face, down his chest, and lower still. He suddenly felt the urge to let his lips follow the trail of his eyes, over every cut, bruise, and scar, as if maybe that would take some of the pain away.
When his gaze wandered back to Freeman's face, his teal and brown eyes were met with Gordon's shocking green ones, the expression on his face pensive and unreadable. Barney quickly tore his eyes away, pushing his previous thoughts from his mind, and Gordon seemed to snap out of his own musings. Calhoun cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to regain his composure after having been caught staring. He wordlessly gave Gordon a final once over, avoiding his eyes entirely until he bandaged the smaller wounds Freeman had reopened during his earlier struggle. "There we go. Doin' alright?"
Gordon nodded, giving him a tired smile.
"Now, let me see if I can find you some clothes." He quickly began to make his way towards the door, hoping that whatever awkwardness still hung in the air would be gone by the time he got back, but was stopped when he felt a hand grab his wrist. He turned back to see Gordon, looking agitated.
"I'm right here, Doc. What do you need?"
"You," he croaked, causing him to cough. He'd already pushed his voice to its limit. "Please, I… I don't want to be alone."
Barney felt an ache in his chest, hearing the younger man's broken voice force out the fearful plea. He hummed, conceding. "Well, I can't argue with that now, can I?" he smiled and Gordon returned it, visibly easing. "Only if you put this on, though." The older man took off his sweater, leaving himself in the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. "I can't have you freezin' on me."
"But what about you?" He signed before a shiver ripped through him. Barney shook his head, letting out a small breath of laughter to himself, not out of humor, but an immense wave of affection. That was Gordon; his selflessness never seemed to waver.
"You need it more than I do, sweetheart."
Once Gordon had slipped the sweater over his head with Barney's help, he carefully shifted to give the other man room to lie down next to him. The cot was so small, there wasn't much room left to give. Once the two had settled they were almost close enough to feel one another's breath, but neither minded.
Resting on his uninjured side to face Barney, Gordon was looking at him with that same indecipherable expression he had earlier. Barney just let him, perfectly content to study his face in turn, charting the freckles that were scattered across his face like constellations. It felt like a lifetime ago now, but once upon a time, he used to do the same thing when he was certain the physicist wasn't looking, too wrapped up in pages of equations and charts to notice.
Gordon slowly reached out, placing his hand on Barney's cheek, tracing the scar there with his thumb. Gordon wanted to ask how he got it. He wondered how many others there were that he couldn't see. His heart ached, wishing he knew just how much peril and violence the field commander had seen in Gordon's absence. But those were questions for a different time.
Barney placed his hand over Gordon's, turning to place a kiss on his palm before opening his arms, a silent invitation which the Freeman readily accepted. The former scientist tucked his head under Barney's chin, smiling to himself as he felt another kiss being pressed to the top of his head.
With one arm, Barney let his fingers wind through Gordon's short hair, and he wrapped his other arm around his middle, careful not to disturb his wound. Barney couldn't help but smile as Gordon let out a long, contented sigh. He could feel Gordon relax against him, the tension melting from his body as the air left his lungs.
In his effort to be as close to Calhoun as possible, Freeman hooked one leg over Barney's, and the other man followed suit, feeling a flutter in his chest as he slipped his thigh between Gordon's, further tangling their legs together.
Finally, Barney felt Gordon's shivering subside. His breathing slowed, falling into a calm and steady rhythm.
"I love you so much," Barney whispered into his hair, so quietly he was unsure if Gordon heard or not; that is until he felt Gordon hold him tighter, pulling him impossibly closer as he nuzzled further into his chest and Barney knew that Gordon loved him too.