Childe has never been more awkward in his life, and that's saying something because it turned out that his boyfriend is actually Morax, his intended target, who chose to hide under his nose the entire time.
Some Harbinger he is.
Jueyun Karst is beautiful. He hopes that he lives long enough to explore the rest of it with Zhongli.
"Are you going to eat that?"
Childe jerks, swallowing thickly. He glances down at the ancient stone tablet and the bowl of Adeptus's Temptation staring right back at him. "I—"
"That which sits before you was prepared by Cloud Retainer. It would be best to try it." Of the three, Moon Carver is no doubt the nicest, but Childe—
"Let the boy speak for himself," says Mountain Shaper, annoyance flooding his tone.
"You were the one who addressed him first—"
"Because I will eat it if he doesn't—"
"He will eat the soup, otherwise this one will peck off his hand." The three of them turn towards Cloud Retainer who watches Childe with a cool gaze. "Right, boy?"
Childe's mouth snaps shut and he picks up his chopsticks, hyper-aware of her gaze. "Yeah, right. I… look, don't judge me okay?"
Mountain Shaper's brow furrows—or as much as a bird's can, Childe thinks. "What do you mean judge?"
Childe holds the chopsticks just like Zhongli taught him, prays to Celestia, and then reaches out to pick at his bowl of food. It goes decently well. He manages to hold a piece of meat for about three seconds before it drops, plopping against the ancient stone table with a splat.
It is Moon Carver who burst into laughter, the sound strange coming from the mouth of an overgrown goat.
"Look," starts Childe, "I'm just not articulate enough with these things, despite how much I've practiced."
"You wield a bow, do you not?" Cloud retainer sniffs, turning her nose up. "Surely those fingers are defter than you let on."
"I'm terrible with a bow, that's why I use it—"
"More like his fingers are put to good use elsewhere." Childe turns beet red as he looks at Mountain Shaper. He tries (and fails) to recover from the thinly veiled innuendo.
"How crude," says Cloud Retainer. If Childe didn't know better (which he does not, he knows nothing about these three other than their pickness), he'd think that she sounds mildly amused.
Mountain Shaper squawks, offended. "What? Isn't that expected? I do not spend much time watching the romances of mortals unfold, but even you are aware of the carnal pleasures of the flesh—"
"Oh my gods, can you please stop," murmurs Childe, hiding his face between his hands. He can feel the way that he burns pink in embarrassment all the way to the tips of his ears.
All three of the adepti laugh, and then Moon Carver says, "Do you think that we don't—"
"Quiet," cuts in Cloud Retainer, disgusted. "We are trying to share lunch. Do not ruin it with the thought of your unsightly image in compromising positions."
The table falls quiet. Mountain Shaper lets out a long whistle. Childe wants to die and never be revived because this is the most embarrassing thing he's dealt with in a long time.
And that's including the whole not knowing he was engaged thing. Not knowing for nearly a year. Zhongli will never let him live that one down.
"Tell this one, boy," starts Cloud Retainer in an attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere, "do you ever plan on going home? Or are you bound to stay here for an insufferably long time?"
"I—"
"Why would he go home?" Mountain Carver looks at him. "Wouldn't he stay? Isn't that what little mortals do when they are in love?"
"I'm—"
"He drowned the Harbor." A pause as Cloud Retainer clucks her tongue. "Or rather, he nearly did so. This one must admit that the mortals were rather resourceful."
"Why do you care?" asks Mountain Shaper. He blinks innocently. "Do we not make the express decision to not care?"
Cloud Retainer ruffles her feathers. "It is the principle of the matter. This one dislikes such messy attempts—"
Oh, Childe takes offense at that. "Hey!"
"Ah. I am relieved to see the four of you getting along."
They freeze and turn to the newest voice. Zhongli stands there a few paces away, a bottle of osmanthus wine tucked in the crook of his elbow. Childe has never been so happy to see the man in his entire life, and that includes their angry reunion where Zhongli finally gave him a fight only to beat his ass into the ground.
"Say, Morax—"
"Zhongli," he corrects calmly.
Mountain Shaper huffs, shaking out his feathers and rolling his eyes. "Zhongli. Tell us—are the Harbinger's fingers as dextrous as one might presume? I find myself curious as to the courting rituals of mortals, and he remains rather tight-lipped."
Zhongli looks at Childe, a ghost of a grin curling on his face. Oh no, thinks Childe. Nothing good ever comes from that look.
"I can confirm that they certainly get the job done to my liking."
Nevermind. He hates Zhongli right now. Childe has never been so simultaneously mortified and embarrassed in his entire fucking life.
Thankfully, Moon Carver speaks up, sensing supreme humiliation. Or maybe it's pity. Childe can't tell. It's impossible to read the expression of a goat. Or a moose. Whatever he is.
"I do think that is enough teasing," says Moon Carver with a soft laugh. "Come, Zhongli. Take your spot at the table so that we may finally eat."
Zhongli shares lunch once in a blue moon with the adepti. Childe has never questioned it, knowing that these are the only beings that understand him at a certain level. They are old and ancient, and they have weathered a lot together. They have seen sides of Zhongli that Childe can only imagine.
They are whom Zhongli can lean on and confide in when needed. When Zhongli proposed the idea of Childe joining them, he didn't hesitate.
Childe kind of regrets it. Kind of.
Zhongli takes the seat directly next to him, setting the wine bottle on the table. Then, he leans over, grasping him by the chin softly as he says, "Ajax." Childe gets no warning before Zhongli presses a kiss to his mouth, short and sweet. But then he lingers in a very unusual public display of affection.
Damn it with the teasing.
Mountain Shaper lets out a whoop. Moon Carver sighs as he politely looks away.
Cloud Retainer stares, uncaring that it is rude. "Are you ready for lunch, or not?"
Zhongli laughs as he pulls away, smoothing his gloved thumb across the high arch of Childe's cheekbone. "Yes," he says then, reaching for the wine. "But first—I think that we should open this."
"Oh thank Celestia," says Childe, lining up to be the first for a glass.
"Eager," says Mountain Shaper with a snort.
"This one would be as well, with all the asinine questions you've pestered him with," says Cloud Retainer, an unlikely ally.
"Wait, can I make a toast?"
Zhongli pauses right before pouring out a second glass. "I… sure?" He dolls out the rest of the wine.
"Nothing fancy," says Childe, "I promise. I just wanted to… uh… Look, I know that Zhongli and I are a bit unusual. I just wanted to thank you for not pecking my eyeballs out or something." He looks at Moon Carver. "Or goring me to death."
Zhongli looks horrified at his implication, but Mountain Shaper bursts into laughter. "Oh, he's afraid of us. Good!"
"That means that we are doing our job correctly," says Moon Carver.
Zhongli sighs, rubbing at his brow, no doubt just as embarrassed as Childe is. "Ajax, I'm sorry."
"No, it's… I mean, I get it. They're your family. They get teasing rights."
Zhongli chuckles softly at that, turning to glance at him as he presses his chin into his palm. "Have they treated you well enough? Or shall they know the wrath of the rock?"
"Nah, they've been fine. Typical stuff when you meet the parents. I'm still waiting for the shovel talk."
Zhongli's expression turns confused then. "Shovel talk?"
"Disgusting," says Cloud Retainer, drawing their attention again. She clucks her tongue just like earlier.
"Jealousy is just as ugly," says Mountain Shaper—but then he squawks when Cloud Retainers pecks at him.
"Are they always like this?" asks Childe.
Zhongli sighs, rubbing at his face again. "Yes. Don't tell others, though, otherwise we might not look so mighty and illuminated anymore."
Childe laughs at that. He can't help it.