Chapter thirty-one: memories

Alicia's departure from Hogwarts had made the newspaper. Sirius had seen it the next day but had decided not to show it yet to Remus or Alicia. However, after their arguments were resolved, the three of them had bend over the article to read.

The article was one big fat lie, obviously. They had stripped Alicia down to a terrorist with a dragon fetish. It didn't even make her angry. She could get a laugh out of it at first and then she felt indifferent. The only problem was that she couldn't walk around in wizarding villages anytime soon. She would have to settle for muggle London for now.

What she did like, however, was the photo they used for the article. A student named Colin Creevey had snapped a picture at the moment that Charles had transformed into a dragon. The dragon stood mighty in the Great Hall, dwarfing the otherwise huge room. His wings were around himself and Alicia in a protective way. Alicia herself was looking down at Umbridge who had fallen on the floor and was looking up at Alicia and her dragon with great terror. Two of the house tables were pushed aside to allow Charles to stand in the room, and students were running for cover or staring in awe. When Alicia looked closely, she could see an exasperated Professor McGonagall in the background.

She had cut out the picture and it was now hanging on the wall in the kitchen. Remus had agreed. 'It's bloody badass after all,' he had laughed.

Time went by quickly for the three of them. They settled into a routine of doing housework, doing work for the Order and having people over to exchange information. Alicia did most of the shopping, sometimes with Remus if he had a day off. Sirius was making good progress on his cooking and could now be trusted alone in the kitchen. All three of them had continued the work of cleaning the dark and damp house. It actually started to look a lot more appealing. Alicia made sure that a bunch of offensive items were removed from the house, including the severed house-elf heads. When Kreacher saw this, he almost strangled her to death. Sirius had been in time to help her out. They had decided to send the grumpy house-elf on long errands that each took a couple of weeks to complete.

Another strange occurrence were the parcels that were delivered at an interval of a couple of days, sometimes weeks. They were all for Sirius, but he didn't allow them to see what he had ordered with the owl post.

Whenever Remus was out for work or for a mission, Sirius helped Alicia to perform the tasks that were needed to become an Animagi. It was nearly impossible. It started with putting a Mandrake leaf in her mouth for a month without removing it. After that it had to be spitted into a phial where the moonlight of the full moon would touch it. The problem with that was that London was generally cloudy and getting direct light on the night of a full moon was very difficult to achieve.

Also she had to lie to Remus about why she wasn't talking for a month. When she started at the end of February, she came up with a story about a potion going horribly wrong. This did actually happen occasionally, so it wasn't too unbelievable. Sirius tried to provoke her to talk a couple of times but she could stand it.

When the next full moon rose and Remus had retreated to the countryside, Alicia stood on the roof of the house all night in the hope that the clouds would disappear. When that didn't happen she got an idea. She jumped on Charles' back and flew over the clouds. Here she could spit the leaf out. She added the other three ingredients that she and Sirius had prepared before. With a stopper on the phial they raced back down to put the potion in a spot where it would be undisturbed.

She and Sirius had been quite proud of the first achievement. They celebrated with a bottle of firewhisky that night. From the next morning on, she had to recite the incantation Amato Animo Animato Animagus at every sunrise and sunset until an electrical storm happened. One of those storms didn't happen often, unfortunately. They were most common in the summertime so there was a big chance Alicia had to wait a long time.

With that process on hold, Alicia tried to focus on studying duelling spells and magical creatures. She wanted to be prepared for the war, but at the same time she didn't want to forget who she was. Most evenings the three of them would curl up in the armchairs by the fire.

On a Monday afternoon in April she and Remus were sitting on the couch. Remus was studying a letter he had received from Moody, while Alicia was reading a book. She was leaning against him, her legs stretched out over the length of the couch.

Noise came from the fireplace and when Alicia looked up from her book she could see a face in the flames.

'Sirius?'

Remus jumped in his seat, causing Alicia to fall forward. Clearly he had not heard the noise.

'Harry! What are you – what's happened, is everything alright?' he asked with a shocked expression on his face.

Harry cast his eyes down, now studying the carpet pattern that wasn't too far away from his nose. 'Yeah. I just wondered…I mean, I just fancied a chat with Sirius.'

'I'll call him,' Remus said as he got up from the couch and went in search of the other inhabitant of number 12.

'Hey Harry,' Alicia said with an awkward wave.

'Hi,' he replied. 'Are you er…good?'

She got up from the chair and sat cross-legged in front of him. 'Nothing to complain about. How is Umbridge?'

'Worse than ever,' Harry said glumly.

Alicia tried to study his expression, but it was hard without the rest of his body. A lot of emotions were communicated through body language. And since he lacked a body now, it was hard for her to see exactly how sad he really was.

'You know, you can still talk to me if-,' Alicia stopped when Sirius and Remus burst through the door. Harry was looking up expectantly at Sirius as if he had already forgotten Alicia was there.

'What is it?' Sirius asked urgently, sweeping his long dark hair out of his eyes and dropping to the ground next to Alicia.

Remus followed suit and sat on Sirius his other side. 'Are you alright? Do you need help?'

'No,' said Harry, 'it's nothing like that…I just wanted to talk…about my dad.'

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look of great surprise. Harry seemed to be in a hurry, so he spoke quickly about seeing one of Snape's memories in the Pensieve. In the memory James and Sirius had decided to attack Snape out of boredom, while Remus had sat with his back to them and pretended it wasn't happening.

Alicia had heard Remus talk about their time at school. He had told her earnestly that the Marauders were occasionally bullies and that he often failed to stop Prongs and Padfoot. She had never heard this particular story before, but it didn't shock her greatly. However, Harry seemed to be deeply disturbed. Who wouldn't be, when you figured out your father wasn't everything you hoped he would be?

Sirius and Remus seemed deep in thought after Harry was done speaking. Remus was the first to speak up. 'I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen-,'

'I'm fifteen!' shouted Harry. Alicia flinched at his outburst.

'Look, Harry,' Sirius started, 'James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other. It was just one of those things, you can understand that, can't you? I think James was everything Snape wanted to be; he was popular, good at Quidditch…good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts. And James…whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry, always hated the Dark Arts.'

'Yeah,' Harry retorted quickly, 'but you just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because you were bored.' He sounded slightly apologetic, like he didn't mean to attack Sirius like that, but still needed to have said it.

'I'm not proud of it,' Sirius replied while he cast his eyes down.

Both Alicia and Remus looked over at Sirius, who seemed to feel ashamed of his actions from years ago. 'Look, Harry,' Remus said before the silence could get too awkward, 'what you've got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did. Everyone thought they were the height of cool. Sometimes they got a bit carried away…'

'Sometimes we were arrogant little berks, you mean,' Sirius said quickly while he glanced at Remus. Remus smiled at him.

Alicia recalled Sirius telling her how popular he and James were in school. Team Potter or team Black. She shook her head. Some of that popularity must have been smaller than it appeared to them, she guessed. But it's easy to think you are invincible when you are fifteen.

'He kept messing up his hair,' said Harry pained.

They all laughed, Sirius a bit louder than the rest. 'I'd forgotten he used to do that.'

'Was he playing with the Snitch?' Remus asked.

'Yeah,' replied Harry. 'Well…I thought he was a bit of an idiot.'

'Of course he was a bit of an idiot! We were all idiots. Well, Moony not so much,' Sirius said while he looked over at Remus and clapped him on his back.

However, Remus didn't agree. 'Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you went too far?'

'Yeah well, you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes. That was something,' Sirius said.

'Did that ever actually stop you though?' Alicia asked. Both men were looking at her like they had forgotten she was there.

'Well…nearly.'

'Also, my dad kept looking over at the girls by the lake, hoping they were watching him!' Harry continued, keen to get everything off his chest.

Sirius chuckled. 'Prongs always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around. He couldn't stop showing of whenever he got near her.'

'How come she married him?' Harry asked, looking like he genuinely could not fathom his mother liking his father. 'She hated him!'

'Nah, she didn't,' Sirius replied with a fond smile. 'She started going out with him in seventh year. When his head had deflated a bit.'

'And stopped hexing people for the fun of it,' Remus added.

'Even Snape?' Harry asked.

Remus ran a hand through his hair. 'Well, Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James so you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?'

'And my mum was okay with that?' Harry asked.

'To be honest, she didn't know too much of it. James didn't take Snape along on dates where he would hex him in front of her, you know,' Sirius replied.

'Also I think there is a limit to how much someone can care about him,' Alicia said quietly while she inspected her nails.

Harry didn't really seem convinced yet. Sirius moved a bit closer to him and said: 'Look. Your father was the best friend I ever had and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it.'

Right then and there, something unusual happened in Alicia's head. A lot of gears started turning and now she saw it so clear she wondered why she hadn't seen it before. When Harry was cleared of all charges at his hearing Sirius had looked unhappy. Whenever they were sitting around the house for a full day he wondered out loud what Harry was doing. When Alicia had been at Hogwarts he would always ask about him and what he was up to.

Sirius saw so much of James in Harry, that sometimes he would forget they weren't the same person. He had lost his best friend fourteen years ago and he was still trying to fill that hole. Remus and herself weren't enough.

But it wasn't that simple. Because Harry was doing the exact same. He had been missing out on a father for all his life and he filled that place with his godfather. That was why he was so accusing. He hadn't dared to accuse Remus of doing nothing in that memory.

Remus and herself were less important to the both of them.

It shouldn't have hurt. But it did.

Alicia jumped up when Sirius was suddenly shouting. She had missed a piece of the conversation while she was lost in thoughts.

'Are you serious Harry? He's stopped giving you lessons?' Remus asked astounded.

'Yeah,' Harry said indifferent, 'But it's okay. I don't care, it's a bit of a relief to tell the-,'

'I'm coming up there to have a word with Snape!' Sirius said while he got to his feet. However, Remus pushed him back down.

'If anyone's going to tell Snape it will be me! Neither of you is capable of having a civilized conversation with him,' Remus stated.

'I wasn't even offering,' Alicia said to Harry, who smiled at her.

'Harry first you have to go to Snape and tell him that on no account is he to stop giving you lessons. When Dumbledore hears-,'

'I can't tell him that, he'll kill me!' Harry shouted through the fire. 'You didn't see him when we got out of the Pensieve.'

'Harry there is nothing so important as you learning Occlumency! Do you understand me? Nothing!' Remus said sternly. He was all Professor Lupin again.

'We just want you to be safe, Harry,' Alicia added with a sympathetic smile. If she could touch him, she would have placed her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

'Alright, Alright,' Harry sighed, still angry. 'I'll try to say something to him…but it won't be…' Harry fell silent. 'Is there someone coming downstairs there?'

Alicia turned around to the door. 'No. Kreacher is gone. There is no one else.'

'I have to go!' Harry shouted as panic reflected in his eyes. The flames swirled wildly for a moment before they settled back in a crisp little flame.

'This is bad,' Remus said with a thoughtful look. 'Harry needs to close his mind off from him. We need to talk to Snape.'

'I'm pretty sure you said only you were suited for that task. And I must agree there. I told Dumbledore and Snape months ago that they needed to teach Harry, but they wanted to wait until it had escalated. You won't see me begging Snape,' Alicia said as she moved herself back to the couch.

'I would gladly go there and tell him why he has to teach Harry. I would do anything to get out of this house! Even if it was to see Snape,' Sirius shouted. He actually got so angry that he made the glass on a picture frame crack.

'I'll write him now,' Remus said more to himself then the others. He turned around and went upstairs.

Alicia watched Sirius as he leaned his head against the wall and balled his hands in fists. 'I'm going crazy. This stupid house is so much like…' Azkaban.

'Come here Padfoot,' Alicia said.

He took a full minute before he had calmed down enough to listen to her. He slouched over to the couch and threw himself next to her, clutching a pillow to his chest.

Alicia looked at him before she spoke. 'Going up to Snape now would only make it worse for Harry. We need to persuade him, not hex him. So I agree that Remus should do that.'

Sirius grunted as a way of reply.

'Besides,' she continued on a mischievous tone, 'I can think of better ways to spend your time outside of this house.'

This got his attention. 'What do you mean?'

'Remember when you asked me whether I would help you get out of here, even if it was just for one night?' Alicia asked.

'Yes?' he said, trying not to sound too eager.

'I'll do it,' she replied simply, 'because I see how much you need it and kind of because I want to have some fun too.'

Sirius moved forward quickly. He hugged her tightly. 'Thank you! I have everything ready by tomorrow afternoon. We can go tomorrow night. It will be safe, I promise.'

'I don't doubt you,' Alicia said while booping him on the nose. 'Besides, what is anyone going to do against two powerful magical people and one full-size dragon?'

'My thoughts exactly,' Sirius beamed. Then his gaze became softer. 'I really appreciate it, Alicia. Hearing Harry talk about our time at school…it made me realise how shitty my life has become after school. I have never known a time without war. The only time in my life when there was peace, was when I was in the most depressing place on earth. We had so many plans, the four of us. Together we were unstoppable. But then again, we weren't.'

Alicia bumped her shoulder into his. 'Count me in as a replacement-Marauder. The three of us will be unstoppable,' she said with a wink.

This made him laugh. 'You really are a Marauder! You are right; not everything in my life is shitty. I still have Moony and you. And Ja-Harry.'

Alicia laughed softly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.