Chapter thirty-three: about last night

The world was so wrong. The lights were too bright, the dark was too dark. The bed wasn't soft enough and why are the walls spinning around?

Alicia opened her eyes and groaned immediately in protest against the light. She licked her lips and found that her mouth and throat were extremely dry. Something was hurting in her back and she smelled a stuffy smell. Overall, she was very uncomfortable.

She groaned again and decided to sit up. Only now did she see her surroundings. She had been sleeping on top of the wooden table in the dining room of Grimmauld Place. But why?

A door opened and in came the extremely cheerful Remus Lupin. He cast one glance in her direction and started smiling from ear to ear. 'Good morning sweetheart. Did you sleep well on the table?'

This question was so odd, she needed a moment to process it. 'Why…did I sleep here?'

He chuckled and moved to stand next to her. 'Oh I couldn't persuade you to go to bed when you two came home. You kept saying how 'comfy' the table was and before I knew it you were out. Who was I to take you away from the comfortable table?'

'I…,' slowly memories from last night started to come back. She remembered curling up on the table and shouting at Sirius that the table was hers and that she wouldn't share.

'You should drink some water,' Remus said as he darted towards the kitchen.

Alicia moved slowly towards the edge of the table. She was no longer wearing her heels, but she was still in her party clothes. She hadn't bothered to change clothes, find her bed or shower.

Remus returned with a glass. Alicia took a careful sip and found that her head was spinning less after drinking. She looked questionably at the glass.

'I added a little potion against hangovers. I developed it in my teenage years with a little help from James. Do you feel better?' he asked as he took the glass and put it down carefully. He wasn't trusting her to be careful.

'Yes. My head stopped spinning and my stomach seems more at ease. But still. Urgh, I reek,' she complained as she sniffed herself.

'That you do,' Remus told her happily, 'but probably because there are beer stains all over your dress.'

She lowered her head in her hands. 'Merlin's beard! What did we do?'

Remus frowned. 'You can't remember?'

She shook her head but found that wasn't a good idea. Then there was a sound coming from upstairs. Sirius came down, and he looked like himself again. No longer a twenty-year-old Greek god, but a man who had been to Azkaban and back. However, he did not seem at all like he had been partying all night. He looked happy and healthy. Alicia loathed him.

'How?!' she exclaimed with her hands pointing in his direction.

Sirius giggled and sat on the table next to her. 'You look like you slept on a wooden table. I've got something for you! Something very exciting.'

Alicia had feared this part. Sirius had not been subtle last night. It was about the bet they made weeks ago. Sirius was very keen to show how incredibly handsome he was and had been when he was twenty. And Alicia wasn't in a state to deny that she agreed. He had played it dirty, getting her drunk so she would confess that she thought he looked very handsome.

Now all he had to do was show her a picture of Remus.

'To make it fair, I picked my favourite photo. He does look very dashing in this one,' Sirius said happily as he handed her a yellowed picture.

Alicia forgot what the bet was about. She felt a lump in her throat at the sight of the picture. In the picture were four people. For once Peter didn't seem to be included, and she was glad. In the middle stood James and Lily. They were both very beautiful, but one had to be on their wedding day, right?

Lily was in a white dress. Her red hair had faded in the photo, but you could still see how vibrant the colour had been in real life. James was looking very handsome in his suit. His hand held his wife's. They kept looking from each other, to the camera, to the two people flanking them.

Next to James was Sirius. He had an arm draped over James' shoulder and was smiling lazily at the camera. His eyes were twinkling, either with mischief or because he was emotional. When James and Sirius looked at each other there was a noticeable connection between the two. Alicia felt goose bumps all over her body.

Next to Lily was Remus. Where she has had trouble recognising Sirius yesterday, she had no trouble identifying her husband when he was twenty. He was taller than the others and wore a suit that matched Sirius'. His sandy-brown hair was partially combed back for the special day, but little stubborn streaks were falling back in front of his eyes. His green eyes were faded to grey in the picture but the scar on his cheek was as recognisable as ever. He was looking fondly at the other three people in the picture, and that smile on his face made her heart melt.

A single tear slipped from the corner of her eye. 'It is a wonderful picture.'

'Yes, yes I know. But I need to know. Did I win?' Sirius said eagerly.

'What is this about?' Remus asked while he crossed his arms like a concerned mom.

Alicia sighed deeply, closed her eyes and said: 'Nothing to worry about Moomy. Just a little game we played.'

Sirius jumped up from the table with his hands in the air, whooping loudly.

'What?' Remus asked, even more confused now. 'Also, what did you call me?'

Alicia shrugged. 'Nothing special Moomy. But Pads, can you help me remember everything that happened last night? I think I blacked out for a part.'

'I would like to hear the story too,' Remus said with a chuckle.

Sirius calmed himself down, chose a chair to sit in with his feet on the table, ran a hand through his long dark hair and started telling the story.

The sky was dark but the narrow crooked streets of Amsterdam were filled with light anyway. Everywhere around het Leidse Pleinthe streets were filled with people. Signs told you to go in this night club or get your happy hour drinks in that bar. Laughter, singing and shouting of drunk people filled the air.

Sirius and Alicia had just spend a long time dancing in a nightclub and doing a lot of shots. They both lost count at the amount of alcohol they had consumed and were beyond the point of caring. They danced happily on all the muggle hits from the last years and sang along where they knew the lyrics.

Of course Sirius got a lot of attention. Not because people recognized him from the wanted posters that hung in wizarding streets, but because he was extremely handsome and was smiling invitingly at everyone that stared at him. Alicia didn't mind; he could have his fun tonight. As long as she didn't end up in a sandwich between him and his latest victim she was cool with it.

At some point Alicia had suggested they moved on to a quieter place. They got outside and noticed a chilly wind. Sirius, ever the gentlemen, offered his jacket. They laughed and talked until they found a bar that looked more suited for having a conversation, instead of going deaf by the speakers.

There was a piano by the window. A man in his forties with a funny hat on was playing Losing my religion on the piano. The two magical people decided on a place near the bar and ordered two beers.

Alicia stared at the piano man. 'He is really good, isn't he?'

Sirius turned around to look at him, then looked back with a overly shocked expression. 'Oh no. You are not falling in love with another old bloke are you?'

She tried to slap him but nearly ended up knocking her drink over. Sirius bellowed a laugh, which caused some people to look around.

Alicia laid her head on the table, with her hands folded under her chin. 'So are you liking our trip?' she asked with a plopping P.

Sirius looked a bit dazed, probably by the alcohol. It took him a moment to consider and another to answer. 'Yes,' he said and then laughed.

'Maybe we should have brought Moony,' Alicia pouted.

'Neh!' Sirius said too loud. 'You two would've just spend all the time together and forget about me!'

Alicia blinked too many times. 'We could never forget you Padfoot.'

He huffed and looked at the wall. Alicia reached out with a hand, found his hand and patted it awkwardly. 'Padfoot, are you really worried you don't fit in? Because that is stupid. A lot of the decisions we made were about you.'

He looked back at her. 'Such as?'

She looked away, her eyes going around the place and studying all the signs and stickers on the wall by the bar. 'Decisions like me going to Hogwarts. If it was just Moony and me I would have dragged his ass to Romania. But that would leave you, and we knew you wouldn't leave.'

Sirius just stared.

'And also us staying in Grimmauld Place the last months. Moony still has a house for us, but it won't be safe enough to hide you there.'

Alicia looked up to see that his eyes were glistening. 'So you are sacrificing yourself for me? You are putting off your own happiness because of me? Fuck, I should have realised this sooner.'

'Hey!' Alicia said, sitting up straight again. 'Don't do that! I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I'm saying this because you have to know that there is no us without you! We chose those things because…because…'

Sirius just looked, Alicia tried to find the right way to say it. 'Because I love you.'

He looked ready to cry again. 'You do?'

'Of course Padfoot. I love you, like Remus loves you. Like a friend, but more than that. I can't express it right, but I think you know what I mean,' she confessed with a soft smile. Somehow saying this was easier when she was intoxicated.

Sirius mirrored her smile. 'I love you too.'

With a great effort she got out of her seat and walked around the table to hug him. Sirius felt right in her arms, like the big brother she never had. Like a best friend. Like a Marauder.

She decided to stay on the same side of the table, sitting next to him. She looked down as she fumbled with her dress. 'It's kind of weird that you should think you are the one that is excluded. Because I think that I am that person.'

Now he looked properly confused. 'How could you feel excluded? You married Moony. You are Mrs Lupin now.'

She smiled. 'Yes, I know. But if I look at the bigger picture, it is often there. The bigger picture that includes Harry. Harry is like a friend and a son to you, and you are like a father to him. Moony has been his professor and must feel like an uncle of sorts. Anyway, not even Harry could picture you without him. You two have been connected since you started school as eleven year olds. Whereas me…I'm like a ghost. I fit in, but not really. Harry saw me as a friend, like an older friend he could look up to and talk to. Then he found out I was dating Moony and that must have confused him and maybe even disgusted him, even if he doesn't say so. Then I became a teacher even though I was too young, and it was all messed up again. So what am I in this story? I am the basket case that gets dragged along because they sort of love me.'

Sirius stared at her. He was looking for words but seemed unable to produce them.

Alicia took his hands in hers. 'However, I don't hate it. I am not sad because of it. All I am trying to say, is that you are more important than me. To both Harry and Moony. And none of you would ever say that out loud, but you don't have to. I know, and I'm not sad because of it. And you don't have to apologize for it either, because you can't. You can't change the way things are. I don't even want you to try.'

He looked more uncomfortable by the moment, like he tried to contradict her but didn't know where to start.

'Can you promise me something Padfoot?' Alicia asked, her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to focus.

He nodded. 'Tell me.'

She looked up and stared deep into his grey eyes. 'If the day ever comes that you have to take care of Moony without me, promise me that you will do so to your best extend. Also promise me to never tell Moony what I just said.'

'Why would you ask something like that? You aren't planning on doing anything reckless, are you?' Sirius countered.

She laughed softly. 'Every day is reckless, Padfoot. So do you promise?'

He looked uneasy, sighed and said: 'Alright fine.'

'Good. Now let's lighten the mood again, shall we! How about we try that nightclub next door? It looked like fun!' Alicia said in a much cheerier voice while she downed her drink.

Sirius managed a smile, but deep down seemed very sad. 'Sure. Let's go.'

So that was what really happened, but Sirius wasn't going to repeat that conversation to either of them. He told them about the partying, all the people that were flirting with him, and that they laughed a lot and shared some stories. But he was careful not to talk about details.

After all, he had promised.

'Well that sounds like a lot of fun. And it seems you didn't do anything too reckless or stupid. I'm proud of the both of you,' Remus said with a fond smile.

Sirius looked at Alicia. After they had left the bar there were still many more drinks they had consumed, and Alicia looked as bad as he would have expected. He tried to search her gaze for a look of realisation. Maybe his story-telling was enough to jog her memory, but he wasn't sure. She still looked pretty out of it.

'So did you have fun, partying with the god of parties himself?' Sirius asked her.

She finally looked up and smiled. 'A lot is coming back to me now. We were pretty wild, weren't we?'

Sirius chuckled. 'Oh that we were. Loads of people who tried to kiss us, you know.'

Her eyes immediately went to Remus, who looked back at her. She smiled awkwardly. 'But no one kissed me! I didn't allow them to get so close.'

Remus feigned jealously. 'Oh yeah, that is what you would say.'

Sirius smiled, but clearly Alicia didn't notice he was joking. 'No no! I swear, nothing happened. Please believe me...' she glanced quickly at Sirius before she ended with: 'Moomy.'

'Apart from our kiss, of course,' Sirius said quickly.

Both were looking at him with big eyes. Then they spoke at the same time.

'Oh is that right? Well good to know where we are standing,' Remus said.

'What? No that didn't happen! Or don't I remember…no! That can't have happened!' Alicia yelled at the same time.

Sirius gave her a significant look. 'Well your memory isn't perfectly intact so…'

'So I have to believe your bullshit? Oh hell no!' she said exasperated.

Remus gave her a look as well. 'So what am I to believe? You did say you two were 'wild'. Did you imply…'

'No! I did not imply anything!'

Then Remus finally looked at Sirius, and the moment their eyes met they broke out into hysterical laughter. Sirius doubled forward in his seat while Remus leaned against the wall.

'Your face!' Sirius wheezed.

Remus wiped a tear from his eye. 'That was priceless!'

Sirius had never seen someone's eyes as big as Alicia's were. When she started to understand, she looked more annoyed than perplexed. She was speechless and decided that looking down was the best option.

Remus pushed himself away from the wall so he could drape an arm around her. 'Alicia, I know Sirius longer than today. Of course I know when he is joking.'

She nodded. 'Yep. Should have realised that. My head is not as clear as I hoped it was.'

Sirius was still enjoying this moment greatly. 'We got you real good Nessie! Oh how scared you looked! I am never forgetting that.'

Both Marauders started to calm down. Alicia could finally see the humour in it too and was softly laughing along.

'Hey Alicia, darling?' Remus said.

'Yes Moomy?' she said with her mouth in a straight line.

He sighed. 'Did you lose a bet?'

She looked over at Sirius who winked. 'Yes I did. Sorry.'

Remus laughed again. 'I recognize your requests, Pads. Didn't you once let Peter do that too?'

'I might have,' Sirius said while he inspected his nails.

Remus shook his head, and his sandy-brown locks fell into his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and looked back at his wife. 'Anyway, what I was going to suggest was a bath.'

At once she got a devilish grin on her face. 'Only if you join me.'

He blushed slightly as he looked at Sirius, who was following their conversation with great interest. 'Alright. I'll prepare it.'

Remus left the room. Alicia gathered her things and was about to follow him when she stopped.

'Hey Pads, did…I tell you that I love you yesterday?' she asked with a concentrated look.

Sirius smiled. 'So you did.'

Her features eased back into a happy smile. 'Good. Just checking.'

Sirius watched her walk up the stairs, her confession from last night still fresh in his memory.