I do not own Phineas and Ferb.
Need You To Like Me
"Oh, Perry!"
Candace flounced into the living room; her lips stretched into a toothy grin. She dropped to her knees next to the couch, where Perry was lounging with one of Ferb's books. She draped one arm against the armrest, using it to support her body as she leaned over to nuzzle her cheek against his.
"How's my favourite platypus today?"
Subtlety was not Candace's strong suit. The compliment dripped with sugar, which was a key indicator that the teen was after something. Not one to turn down affection from his kids, even if there was an ulterior motive behind it, Perry raised a paw to place against the back of her neck, squeezing lightly, without lifting his eyes from the book.
"So, I was thinking…"
She paused, and Perry knew that meant she wanted his full attention. He lowered the novel and made eye contact with his girl; brow quirked. He rolled his right wrist, instructing her to continue.
Candace braced her elbows against the armrest, her dark blue eyes harbouring a devious glint. "I was thinking that you have a bunch of cool spy gear down in your lair, right? Stuff that you probably don't use every single mission. Stuff that maybe I could borrow?"
Perry shook his head firmly and Candace held up her hands, fingers spread. "Just for a day!" she pleaded. "I don't want anything dangerous, obviously. Just a few of your hidden cameras, especially the pen one. And some of those bug thingies."
Perry stood on the cushions, twisting his neck to peer out the sliding glass door. Phineas and Ferb were in the backyard, lounging in the shade of the tree as they nibbled on the remnants of their candy mansion, chunks of chocolate and handfuls of gumballs. The sugary, magnificent structure had been demolished by Heinz's -inator before Linda could see it.
He glanced at Candace, jerking his thumb at the boys. Her lips pursed. "Yeah, I'm gonna use them to bust Phineas and Ferb. That a problem?"
The tone of her voice shifted, bordering on accusatory, and Perry furrowed his brow. He shook his head and Candace's hard tone softened. "Okay, cool. So why not?"
Perry eased back the fur on his wrist, ignoring Candace's gag (she'd get used to it eventually), tapped on his watch before twirling his finger at the ceiling, at the hidden security cameras Candace knew were installed in the living room and throughout the house, and gave a thumbs down.
"Major Monogram wouldn't allow it?" clarified Candace, and Perry nodded. "He doesn't have to know you gave them to me," she said in a low voice.
Perry shook his head again, this time giving a warning chatter, telling her to drop the matter.
"Aren't you supposed to be, like, the rebellious type of agent?" asked Candace in irritation. "I know you don't really care about Monogram's rules. And when he let us keep our memories of you being an agent, he said, and I quote, 'The things I let you get away with, Agent P.' So what's your—"
Footsteps fell against hardwood, light but solid, which signalled Linda's imminent arrival. Perry dropped to all fours and curled up in a ball just as Linda stepped into the room. She took in Candace's close proximity to Perry and asked, "Aw, are you two spending some quality time together?"
"No," said Candace shortly, standing up and brushing off her knees. "I was telling him to get off the couch."
Linda clicked her tongue. "He can be on the couch, Candace. Leave him be."
"Fine."
"Your father and I are leaving shortly for the antique conference, and your brothers are going to be spending the night at Baljeet's, so you don't have to worry about watching them. It'll just be you in the house until tomorrow afternoon."
Usually, Candace would be delighted to have the whole house to herself. But Perry's rejection left her sour.
If Phineas and Ferb had asked Perry to borrow his spy gear, he'd let them in a heartbeat.
"Yeah, Mom," she said with a false smile. "That's awesome."
"You can have Stacy over if you want, but no one else," said Linda sternly.
"Okay. Do you want me to do anything while you're gone?"
"All I ask is that you keep the house how I left it." Linda dug into her pocket and removed a couple of bills. "There's leftover tuna casserole in the fridge, but here's some money if you want to order a pizza. The number for the conference center is on the fridge."
"Thanks, Mom." Candace tucked the money into the pocket of her skirt. "Want me to help bring your luggage to the car?"
"That would be lovely. Thank you, hon."
Candace left the living room, feeling Perry's cross-eyed gaze on her back as a scheme began to percolate in her brain.
…
It hadn't taken much to convince Phineas and Ferb to take Perry with them to Baljeet's. A casual comment to them out of Perry's earshot, wondering if he was going to be hanging at home or if he would be joining the sleepover.
The boys, of course, were thrilled by the suggestion. Even though Perry would have to be in pet mode most of the time at Baljeet's, it would still be the first sleepover they shared with their platypus without any secrets between them.
Perry agreed, as Candace knew he would, because he wouldn't dare to say no to Phineas and Ferb.
She wasn't bitter about this. No. Not at all.
The boys and Perry left for the sleepover around seven. Candace was tempted to shoot straight down to Perry's lair the second they were gone. But she didn't know how much foot traffic the lair received, especially in the evening hours, so she decided to wait until the dead of night.
When the sky was black, the air was silent, and the hands on the clocks were at twelve and one, Candace made her move.
Dressed in red jogging pants, a white tank top and pink bunny slippers, she slipped outside, using the flashlight function on her phone to guide her through the shadows. She reached the part of the house that contained a secret entrance and opened up the hatch. She crawled inside, shuddering at the dirt and cobwebs that rubbed against her skin. She bit back a shriek as she was sucked into the tube, whizzing down to Perry's lair.
She tumbled against the tiled floor with a grunt. She rose to her feet, swivelling the thin white beam of light back and forth.
She couldn't see more than a foot in front of her, but she wasn't going to risk flicking the light switch. She squinted through the darkness, taking careful, shuffling steps. She knew the spy cameras and recording equipment were kept in an orange and white closet, thanks to Perry's tour a week ago, but it was difficult to pinpoint its location in the pitch black.
"Maybe it's next to the grappling hooks," muttered Candace, heading to the left side of the lair.
It took a few minutes of stumbling, but eventually her flashlight illuminated a portion of the closet door. With a wide grin, she seized the handle and yanked open the door, revealing shelves full of dozens of cameras in various forms; small and cubed, medium ones screwed to wall mounts, ones disguised as pens, remotes and an assortment of other common household items.
Before she could even contemplate her options, the room erupted with light.
Candace yelped and took several steps back, turning and raising her arm to protect her vision from the blinding glare. When her vision adjusted, she lowered her arm, her heart stuttering in her chest as her gaze locked with Perry's disappointed orbs.
For a minute, she stood in stunned silence. Finally, she managed to splutter out, "Wha—why—how—how long were you sitting there?!"
"Krkrkrk," said Perry flatly, flexing his paw as if he were discarding something.
"I think it's an important detail, 'cause it's kinda creepy," grumbled Candace. "How'd you even know I'd be here?"
Perry stared at her incredulously, the universal look for 'are you serious?'
Okay, so maybe she had a reputation amongst family and friends for being cunning, and for being incredibly determined when she set her mind to something.
"Did you wait to tell me you were here for dramatic effect?" asked Candace in annoyance.
Perry pointed at the closet of cameras, to the teen, and then to his temple. It took a minute for the girl to realize he was talking about her conscious. Shame swelled in her gut and she averted her eyes, swallowing thickly.
She couldn't deal with the guilt, with the despair of having disappointed him so deeply. It was like acid in her stomach, eating away at her.
So she tended to the flicker of anger, letting it grow and expand until her blood burned hot, until it consumed the shame.
What right did he have to be disappointed with her? He was the one who put her in this position in the first place.
"They're just cameras, Perry," she said, her fingers tightening into fists. "Not lasers, not blades, not rockets. Cameras. I think you're using Monogram as an excuse. I bet he doesn't care if I use a couple of spy cameras for a day. You just don't want me to bust Phineas and Ferb."
Perry gave a protesting chatter. Candace forced herself to look at him, and the exasperation and irritation on the platypus' expression caused her scowl. "Well, if that's not true, then let me take the cameras. After everything I've done for you for the past five years, it's the least you could do."
She regretted the words as soon as they left her lips.
She swivelled on her heel, unable to bear to see how Perry reacted to her selfish, flippant remark, at her insinuation that he owed her for all those years of care. She reached for the closet.
"Krkrkrkrk."
The sound was a harsh command, coated with a soft snarl. Candace dropped her hand, her throat stinging and her vision clouding with tears she could not hold back.
He'd never, ever talk to Phineas and Ferb like that.
Her heart cracked.
"I get it," she said, refusing to turn and look at him. Her breath hitched. "It'd be different if it were Phineas and Ferb asking for this stuff, huh? You've never liked me as much as you like them."
The tears overflowed, spilling down her cheeks, and the anger extinguished, leaving the shame to fuel the intrusive thoughts snaking through her mind like vines. She sprinted for the exit and Perry sat stock still in his chair with shock. It wore off after a few seconds and Candace heard the patter of webbed feet against tile as he sprinted after her, chattering urgently.
His delayed response gave Candace the precious time to reach the tube first. She rolled out onto the grass, her chest heaving. Not at all ready to be confronted by Perry, to be told all about how she dampened their relationship with her stupid, mean, moody comments and insults and actions, she seized the garbage can propped against the house and ripped off the lid.
She shoved the metal can up against the hatch and there was a solid thunk as Perry landed inside. His confused yip was smothered as Candace smacked the lid into place, quickly reattaching the raccoon prevention strap, locking it down.
She ignored Perry's shouts and raced inside, slamming and locking the sliding glass door behind her. She took the stairs two at a time, tears dripping to the wooden steps. Her breath shuddered out of her as she charged into her room, snapping her door shut.
Her parents did not believe in locks on bedroom doors, so she braced her body against her dresser and pushed with all her might. There was an ugly squealing noise as the legs scraped against the carpet. With her door barricaded, she hurried over to make sure her window was locked. She didn't have any curtains, and she didn't want Perry to witness her emotional breakdown, so she hauled her mattress off her bed frame.
Pillows, stuffed animals and blankets went sailing in all directions as she flipped it to its side. She crammed the mattress into the space between her window seat and the top of her little window nook. When she was certain Perry wouldn't be able to get to her, she collapsed to the floor, curling up and wailing into her knees.
It was her fault Perry didn't like her. All those years of kicking him out her room, making fun of how he smelled, calling him dumb, and snarling at him for no good reason.
And what had she done, the moment she realized Perry had understood every single word she said about him? Did she apologize?
No. She squashed down her guilt, too cowardly to broach the topic herself.
The knob twisted, and when the door refused to budge, Perry slammed his knuckles so hard against the wood the door rattled in its frame. Candace curled tighter in on herself, screwing her wet eyes shut. "Go away!" she shouted hoarsely.
"Kr-kr-kr."
The lump in her throat increased in size. He was calling her name.
Three short, halting syllables in his platypus speech, coated with deep concern.
She didn't deserve him.
"Leave me alone, Perry. Please," she whimpered.
There was a beat of silence.
"Are you away from the door, Candace?"
The teen sat up abruptly, water shining on her cheeks, snot clogging her nostrils, and her eyes wide with disbelief. Perry rarely used the translator function on the collar Phineas and Ferb built for him and it was jarring to hear him speak English.
"Y-yeah," she said with a sniff. "Why?"
Bam!
Candace screamed as the door caved in, knocking the dresser to the floor with an almighty crash. Her teeth clattered and her entire room quaked from the impact. She gaped at Perry, who stood on the flat surface of the door, angled slightly in the air due to how it landed against the dresser.
The platypus was breathing heavily, his eyes bright, and the green light glinted on the black metallic collar around his neck. "We need to talk. Now," he said softly, the translator making his voice low and deep.
"Okay," whispered Candace, lowering her gaze and playing with a loose thread on her pants.
Perry climbed into her lap, forcing her to look into his worried brown eyes, and her tears started afresh. "This isn't about the cameras, is it?" he asked gently.
"No," mumbled Candace, her voice cracking.
He gripped her cheeks with his paws, cradling her face. "I love you, Candace Gertrude Flynn," he said fiercely.
"I know you do," said Candace, and she did. She never doubted his love for her. "But that's totally different from liking me."
Though Perry didn't quite understand what she meant by that, he affirmed, "Okay, let me rephrase. I like you, Candace Gertrude Flynn."
"You don't have to say it just to make me feel better."
Her shoulders slumped, her face crestfallen and sagging with sadness. She clearly didn't believe him, which broke Perry into pieces. He stroked his thumbs over the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, his bill dipping into a troubled frown.
"Phineas and Ferb came to me two days ago, wanting to borrow my laser gun and particle disrupter. I told them no. Gave them the same reasons I gave you. Contrary to your beliefs, Monogram would have my head if I let you take O.W.C.A. equipment whenever you wanted. They cost a lot of money, and sometimes I'm pretty sure he doesn't like it when we use them. Our gadgets are expensive and hard to replace, and Monogram hates it when we waste money—only he can do that."
It was an attempt at a joke but Candace didn't crack a smile. She regarded him dubiously. "You told Phineas and Ferb no?"
"I don't like them better than you, Candace," said Perry emphatically. "I like and love all three of you equally, and trust me, that's more than you'll be able to comprehend. If I've ever done something to make you feel otherwise, I am so sorry."
His brown eyes shimmered with tears and his forehead crinkled with distress. Candace let out a choked, disbelieving laugh. "What you've done? Perry, I'm the one who's been such a jerk to you. I told you that you owe me for taking care of you. That's horrible. If you combine that with five years' worth of insults, there's no way you could like me."
"Ah," said Perry, understanding the root of her despair. "Tell me, Candace. What does loving but not liking a person look like?"
Candace furrowed her brow. "Um…you'll always be there for them, but you don't want to spend any time with them."
"What else?"
"You probably dread talking to them, so you don't call them, ever, but if they call you, you'll pick up in case it's an emergency or something."
"Mmm-hmm. And?"
"Everything about them annoys you to the core and you probably wish they would completely change as a person."
"Does any of that apply to us?"
Candace blinked down at Perry, at his patient, attentive eyes.
The darkness swirling inside her parted, letting in a stream of light, and a slew of colourful memories along with it.
Her waking up in the mornings to Perry sleeping on her chest, no matter how many times she scolded him for it. Him cuddling with her whenever she was sick or injured or bordering on a panic attack. Perry sitting at her feet during meal times, not begging for food, but just nuzzling at her ankles. Her dressing him up in silly outfits, which he endured without wiggling or trying to get away. The weekends when he would join her for romantic movie marathons, flopped over her lap. Him trotting over to her, not Phineas or Ferb, for a belly rub or a scratch.
Nothing in her memories communicated that, at any point in their time together, Perry disliked her.
"No," she finally answered in a strangled voice, which shook on a sob. "But…but aren't you mad? I treated you so bad."
"You didn't," said Perry sternly. "Candace, you're a teenager. You're going to be moody, you're going to be angsty, and you're going to be snippy. Most of the time, I know you don't mean what you say. And when you do mean it, it's because you're upset, and afterwards you recognize that you crossed the line and you apologize. You treat me the same as you treat Phineas and Ferb—you're a sister. It's what you do."
"I…I guess so," said Candace, stricken by the comparison.
"We bicker, kid. It's our thing. You toss me out of your room, I roll around on your sheets when you're out of the house."
"You what?!"
Candace tried to grab for him, but Perry backflipped out of her reach. He was grinning widely, his eyes twinkling with mischief, and she couldn't help but erupt with giggles. She swiped away the last of her tears, happiness and relief brightening her countenance, which cheered Perry immensely.
"You jerk," she said fondly.
"See? It's a two-way street," said Perry. "Don't ever change, kid. You're my firecracker."
"Thanks, Perry," said Candace with a soft smile, which dimmed as she added, "I'm sorry for breaking into your lair and for trapping you in the trash can. That wasn't cool."
The platypus turned off the translator function, satisfied that his girl fully understood and believed that he liked and loved her to pieces. He tilted his head, made a flowing motion with his paw, and pointed at her sternly.
"I definitely won't do it again, I promise," vowed Candace. When Perry looked at her searchingly, his fingers twitching for the dial on his collar, she said, "Water under the bridge, you forgive me, I got it." She smirked. "Apparently, I speak platypus. Who knew?"
Perry beamed at her. He opened his arms wide and Candace instantly scooped him up, hugging him tightly, pressing her nose against his neck, his fur tickling her nostrils. "I like you, Perry."
He pulled lightly on a strand of red hair, which she knew meant 'I like you too.'
She eased back, tapping the miniature dial on his collar. "You know, when you use this thing, you really sound like a spy from the movies," she said playfully. "It suits you."
Perry scoffed and batted away her finger. He peered over her shoulder, arching a brow at the mattress stuffed against her window. Candace followed his gaze, her cheeks colouring with embarrassment. "Totally underestimated your agent abilities. You're strong. I didn't want you to see my emotional crash and that's the only thing big enough to cover the whole window."
Perry pointed to the pink blanket discarded on the floor and mimed hanging up curtains. Candace pursed her lips. "I was running high on emotions, Perry. You know how I am when I get in that state." A yawn bubbled into her throat but she suppressed it. "Ugh, I'm too exhausted to put my bed back together. I'll use Mom and Dad's bed for tonight." She set Perry to the floor and stood, stretching her arms. "Are you going back to Baljeet's?"
He tapped his watch and positioned his arms so they represented six o'clock. She smiled happily. "Guess I'm stuck with you for the next few hours."
They made their way into the hall, both of them balancing carefully on the splayed-out door. Candace narrowed her eyes at her platypus.
"You are so fixing this before my parents come home. I am not going down for this."