8 Years Earlier

A tall, handsome man stared across a crowded room at a girl. She was dancing as though no one was watching but she was definitely turning heads. She had all eyes on her and with good reason, her long black hair swinging along with her gyrating body that he had examined with his eyes from afar liking what he saw, catching a glimpse at just the right moment as she moved so seductively, he could see she had the fullest most alluring lips he had ever seen, bright red in colour. He was captivated by her spirit. The familiar song was coming to an end and he knew he needed to make his way over to her before the other men watching her made their move. He crossed the dancefloor just as the song stopped before she could make her next move, he made his by bumping into her accidentally on purpose.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry" he said turning to face her. Finally, he could see her fully, not just a mesmerising blur on the dancefloor. She was beautiful, gorgeous brown eyes, perfect pouting lips, a body he wanted to explore immediately.

She smiled at this mystery man before her, he had a mischievous grin which showed off his cute dimples and his eyes were vibrantly green and kind.

"Are you ok?" he continued apologising for his intentional invasion of her personal space.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks"

They stared at each other, they could sense the attraction they had for one another.

"Sean" he introduced himself holding out his hand.

"Ryan" she replied placing her hand in his.

Just then 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet' played and the smile on Sean's face grew wider.

"Dance with me" he said pulling her in close to him not giving her a chance to reply.

"This isn't a slow song" she said in his arms

"I know" he said with that devilish grin, holding her tight and continuing to slow dance with her while others around them danced carefree to the fast tempo song, Sean began to mouth along every time the song reached 'Are you gonna be my girl?'. Ryan didn't know who he was but she liked what she saw and, in that moment, she knew her life was never going to be the same again.

PRESENT DAY

Ryan was leant against her kitchen worktop listening to 'Are You Gunna Be My Girl?' playing on the radio. As soon as she heard the intro it sent her right back to that night. The night that changed her life. The night she met Sean. That song was 'their' song that he'd sung to her a thousand times in his scratchy, out of key singing voice. She was rudely brought out of her reminiscent trance when the smoke alarm sounded. She saw her grill pan was smoking she pulled it out to reveal burnt toast, she grabbed a towel and waved it in front of the detector to stop it from sounding. As she did this her front door opened and a blonde woman entered to see the tail end of the chaos.

"That's how you know it's done, when the smoke alarm cheers for you" she joked following Ryan into the kitchen.

Ryan picked up the burnt toast that was beyond help and threw it away.

"Oh then I am an excellent chef" she replied.

Just then a little brunette girl ran into the kitchen "Mummy it smells like burning" she said as she sat at the table next to the blonde.

"I know baby, Mummy ruined your toast but we'll just try…" she stopped her sentence when she realised that she'd used the last of the bread "…again tomorrow" She quickly scanned the cupboards and fridge for something for breakfast but supplies were low "How about we have a treat today and for breakfast we have chocolate!" she said excitedly placing a chocolate mousse down in front of her daughter.

"Chocolate mousse for breakfast? You're the best mum ever" mockingly said the blonde as she walked over to Ryan

"Liv please don't I feel bad enough"

"Oh hunny that wasn't a criticism, to Skye Bow chocolate mousse for breakfast does mean you're the best mum ever" she smiled

"Oh yeah? What do you think her opinion will be when it's accompanied by a cheese string?" she said internally beating herself up that she hadn't had chance to do her grocery shop yet. She placed the cheese string down next to Skye and she smiled as she saw the mess Skye was making with her mousse more on her face than in her mouth.

LATER AT THE STORE

Ryan had managed to get Skye fed, dressed and off to school. She had successfully finished her grocery shop and was loading it into the car. As she was doing so she was startled when she heard a car back fire, she looked over in the direction of the noise to see it was a beat up, green pick up. She couldn't help but think about the green pick up she once owned just as useless as this one she was watching right now.

7 Years Earlier

An old green pick up sat on the drive on blocks, legs sticking out from the front of the truck.

"Damn it" came a scream. Suddenly it was revealed that the legs actually belonged to Sean. He stood up with his finger in his mouth trying to stop it from bleeding when he was joined by Ryan.

"What did you do?" she asked him taking his hand and looking at it.

"This truck would be worth more at the bottom of a lake" he said with frustration as he tried to fix it once again. "You need a new car" he told her.

"Well I can't afford a new one"

"I'll buy you one" he insisted.

"You can't afford a new one either" she said wrapping her arms around him.

"You realise I'm covered in oil right?"

"I'm used to getting dirty" she said flirtatiously.

Sean chuckled "The question is how dirty are you willing to get?" he enquired both of them knowing they weren't discussing car maintenance by this point.

"How about we go find out?" she teased.

"Oh you don't have to ask me twice" he said lifting Ryan off the ground and throwing her over his shoulder, her squealing with delight as he marched back into the house with a purpose.

PRESENT DAY

BEEP! Sounded the horn of a car snapping Ryan out of her trance, she'd let her cart roll and it was stopping cars from getting by. She quickly retrieved it and apologised to everyone. She looked back over at the green pick up that had back fired to see the owner had got it working. She paused for a minute still thinking about that memory, she can't remember the last time she felt like that, uninhibited and desired. She placed the rest of her shopping in the car, returned her cart and drove home.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Ryan was cleaning the kitchen up as her friend Liv rambled on in the background about something or nothing, Ryan had got to the point in her friendship with Liv to know how to drown her out so she was nothing more than white noise but to engage enough to seem like she's listening. Liv wasn't really saying anything of any depth or meaning she was just putting on the latest addition of 'The Liv Show' she loved to be the centre of attention so as long as Ryan stroked her ego from time to time, Liv was happy.

"Babe, have you seen my…" Ryan turned around holding a set of keys in her hand as she looked over at the man in front of her. "Thank you" he said taking the keys from her and thanking her with a sweet kiss on the lips "What would I do without you?" he smiled at her.

"Eugh" said Liv mimicking a heaving noise "Aren't you two just the most sickeningly happy couple ever?" she mocked.

"If you don't like it Liv, then stop coming over here" said the man showing his disdain for Ryan's friend. He tolerated her because she and Ryan came as a package deal and he loved Ryan but there was just something about Liv he didn't like or trust.

"Oh trust me Liam, you'll be leaving this house and her life long before I do" she replied making sure Liam knew his place.

"Alright guys, lets play nice" said Ryan intervening and walking Liam to the front door.

He turned to her and smiled "She's a witch" he remarked about Ryan's friend.

"And you're a good man" replied Ryan complimenting her man.

It was true he was a good man, she'd known him since they were kids and considered him more of a brother than a lover. She was caught off guard when he told her he had feelings for her three years ago. She wasn't long out of her relationship with Sean at the time and she wasn't ready to date, he understood that and respected it. He never pushed her, he just waited patiently. Then one day eighteen months ago it was just a regular day, Liam was over at the house he'd been helping her with some DIY jobs and she'd asked him to stay for a barbeque. He was outside in the garden playing with Skye, the air was just filled with her excited giggles as he chased her. Skye had made him dress up and the image of this 6ft tall, bearded, rugged, brute of a man chasing Skye in his fairy wings and tiara just melted her heart. Later after Skye had gone to bed and as they were saying their goodbyes, she felt compelled to kiss him. She had been surprised at how natural it felt and now she can't imagine her life without him in it.

"Which is why I haven't dropped a house on her" he joked referencing the Wicked Witch of the East from The Wizard of Oz. He kissed Ryan "I'll see you later"

"Ok" she smiled watching him leave.

She returned to the kitchen and continued to clean; she began to unload the dishwasher putting everything in its place. In her hurry she dropped a plate, it hit the ground and shattered to pieces.

"Great" she said getting down on her knees to collect the broken pieces up. "Ouch!" she exclaimed the sharp edge cutting her finger. She looked down at her hand and found herself thrown back in time.

7 Years Earlier

Ryan stood in the corner of the room shielding her face, afraid to look up. All she could hear were things smashing and Sean screaming. She had never seen him like this before, she didn't understand what had happened, what had caused this, what she'd done so wrong. She felt something fly above her head and smash behind her, the broken pieces falling on her head. She dropped to a crouched position and shielded herself for what seemed like forever, her eyes stinging from crying. Suddenly the room went silent, she still didn't move, she was afraid of what she'd see. She heard a thud. Worried that Sean had hurt himself she looked up to find him slumped against the kitchen cabinets staring at her. They locked eyes from across the room.

"I'm sorry" said Sean remorsefully. "I'm so sorry" he said a second time this time he crawled across the room to get to Ryan who found herself cowering at this stranger before her, this wasn't the man she knew, the man she had fallen head over heels in love with. "Ry, I'm sorry" he repeated for a third time reaching for her arm but she pulled away. "I wouldn't hurt you Ry, you know that right? I'm sorry, I'm sorry about all of this, I'm sorry I scared you. I love you Ryan, I would never hurt you" She looked into his eyes, those eyes she'd stared into a thousand times, those eyes that made her feel safe, those kind eyes. She knew his apology was genuine but she still couldn't let down her guard, she didn't know where that anger and hatred had come from and she was terrified it would happen again as suddenly and unexpectedly as it had this time.

THE NEXT MORNING

Ryan apprehensively made her way into the kitchen not sure what she was going to find. Sean didn't follow her to bed the night before, he gave her space, she hadn't slept she sat awake all night going over everything in her head. She walked in to find the destruction from the night before was gone, like it had never happened, erased, but Sean was nowhere to be found. She looked at the corner she'd cowered in, just staring at it completely numb, she sat down at the table, her head spinning with questions.

"Hey beautiful" Ryan turned to see Sean walking into the kitchen with a box. "I bought us new stuff" he said in a sombre tone. Ryan didn't respond she was still numb. "I'm sorry about last night. I was out of line" Understatement of the century, Ryan thought to herself. "I came home and took my frustrations out on you and that was wrong. I snapped. Derek was being a dick all day, he just kept pushing me" he said explaining himself.

"If Derek made you angry then why was I the one cowering? Why was I the one who had plates flying at my head?" she spoke finally she wasn't numb anymore, now she was angry.

"I've apologised for that. Tell me what I have to do to make this better and I will. It was a one time thing, I swear to you" he said making his way over to her and kneeling down in front of her taking hold of her hand.

Ryan was mad, she wanted to react, she wanted to get up and smash the new plates he'd just bought to replace the ones he'd smashed in his rage but she knew if she did it would make her no better than him. She then found herself wondering whether 'she' was overreacting. Yes, what he'd done was bad but she herself was contemplating doing the same thing right now. Could she really scorn him for having a bad day? If she'd walked away out of the room, he would have carried on having his tantrum, the plates would still have been broken but she wouldn't have been in the middle of it. She put herself in the middle of it by trying to calm him down. She then surmised that she'd probably get angry with him if he was telling her to calm down when she was angry and she knew his apology was genuine, she could see in his eyes he was genuinely sad about his actions and about how it had impacted her. She would chalk this up to a bad day, an overaction and her meddling and making it worse. He was a good guy, she knew that, he had done everything he could to make it better, he cleaned, he bought them a new plate set and he was truly sorry.

"You promise it will never happen again?" she asked

"I promise" he replied

She leaned in and kissed him as she pulled away she smiled "Thank you for sorting everything"

"I was just cleaning up my own mess. You know I love you right?"

"I know" she said with a smile and she did know he loved her. She felt his love everyday in the things he did and said.

"Dance with me" he said standing up and pulling her into him.

They weren't a perfect couple, they fought, they actually revelled in the making up part. Whenever they fought he would ask her to dance, that was the sign that things were ok again between them, their version of the Hollywood kiss at the end of every sappy rom-com movie. Sean held Ryan in his arms and they slow danced in the silence of the room, a complete contrast to the chaos of the previous evening.

PRESENT DAY

Ryan was still on the floor, her finger still bleeding.

"Ryan, are you ok?" said Liv "Ryan, you're bleeding" Ryan snapped out of it and saw Liv next to her wrapping her hand in a towel. "Where were you just then?"

"Erm…" she began not sure how to end the sentence. Liv walked her over to the sink and put her hand under the running water leaving her friend there while she cleaned up the broken plate.

A SHORT TIME LATER

The two women were sat down at the kitchen table as Liv was trying to find out what had happened to her friend earlier.

"It just threw me straight back there" she explained

"To when you were with Sean?"

"How could I have been so stupid?" she asked herself out loud to the room "How gullible must I have been to forgive that and write it off as a bad day? Why didn't I pack my bags and run right there?"

"You loved him. You couldn't let yourself believe the good man you knew could do that. Also if you'd have left that night, you wouldn't have Skye, not everything about that relationship was bad" said her friend reminding her of the good things in her life.

She was right she had Skye. Yeah, if she'd left Sean that night she might have met another guy, fallen pregnant and had a little girl but that little girl wouldn't be Skye. Skye is who she is because she's half Ryan and half Sean. She wouldn't have her beautiful green eyes if it weren't for Sean, her nose wouldn't crinkle the way it does when she laughs if it wasn't for Sean, she wouldn't have her sweet little dimples just like her dads. She is who she is because of where she came from and Ryan wouldn't change a single hair on her head, she was perfect. She was the best parts of them both wrapped up in this cute little bundle.

"I don't know what's been happening to me lately but he's just been constantly on my mind"

"What do you mean?" asked Liv wanting more details

"Our song played on the radio and I started remembering how we met, I saw this clapped out pick up at the store and it reminded me of how he used to fix mine back in the day, he hated that truck. It wasn't all bad" she assured Liv "We were really happy" she said a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

"Of course you were. That's why it cuts deep"

"What is wrong with me?" she said wiping her eyes "I have this amazing man in my life"

"Debatable" intervened Liv

"He's a good guy who treats me right, he adores Skye and she loves him so much"

"I love your child dearly but she is easily pleased. So that doesn't mean much"

Ryan shook her head and smirked at her friend who really wasn't a fan of Liam's.

"I have this chance to be happy, to have my happily ever after and I'm over here reminiscing about Sean. I'm not even sugar coating the memories, it's not like I'm only remembering the good times, I remember it all, I remember the feeling of hopelessness, fear…and still…" she cut herself off knowing if she said the words they would be out there in the universe and she wouldn't be able to take them back and she would be a horrible person for saying them.

"Still what?" asked Liv. Ryan looked at her friend. "You still love him?" Liv saying the words for her.

"Stupid right?" asked Ryan knowing the answer already. How could she love him after what he did to her? Was she in love with the memory of Sean, at least the good ones? Was she in love with the idea of Sean and what they could have had together? Was this some kind of misplaced affection because he was the father of her child? She couldn't genuinely love him after what he put her through, could she?

"I want to tell you it's not, I really do but…" replied Liv trying not to hurt her friend's feelings but not wanting to encourage this stupidity.

Ryan knew her friend was right. She felt lucky to have such an open and blunt friend. She and Liv had met by chance, no reason their two worlds should have collided but she was thankful that they had as she stepped in after Sean left and was essentially a second parent to Skye and with no support system in place Ryan came to rely on her a lot.

A WEEK LATER

The day had come to an end, Skye was in bed sleeping. Ryan had managed to keep going after her mini meltdown the week before. She knew Liv was right and she'd be crazy to still have feelings for Sean. She was letting the good memories she had with Sean overshadow the memories she was making with Liam. She was really trying to focus on him and she knew she was lucky to have him in her life, but sometimes, just sometimes she found herself comparing the two men.

Sean: witty and charmingly arrogant.

Liam: witty and humble.

Sean: exciting and uninhibited

Liam: fun and predictable

Sean: masterful and passionate in bed

Liam: respectable and again predictable in bed

Like clockwork. Ryan knew when Liam was in the mood because he did the same routine. They would go upstairs to bed, lay watching TV, once his show was finished, he'd mute the TV and roll over to Ryan and start to play with her. He'd tell her to take her pjs off while he took off his, a little clit action, a finger or two, then straight into missionary, the only highlight would be if he turned her on her side. It wasn't that he was bad in bed, he got the job done it was just the lacklustre of it all, it was so predictable. She just wanted him to throw her down passionately, tear her clothes off, be so turned on that he had to take her right there and then. She wanted more than regularly scheduled sex.

Ryan was sat in bed pretending to read her book but really making her comparisons yet again. She heard the TV go mute and just like that she assumed the position and Liam did his thing. It was nice, pleasant, satisfactory...just the words you want to be using to describe your sex life she thought as he continued thrusting.

"I'm guna cum!" he exclaimed and he did as always on her stomach, like clockwork. He rolled onto his back next to her "That was amazing"

She was glad he had fun, she reached over to retrieve a tissue to wipe her stomach and the sound returned to the TV. She sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey" he said getting her attention "Are you ok?"

"Yeah"

"Did you have fun? You came right?" he attentively checked

"Yeah" she lied not wanting to hurt his feelings "I'm guna shower" she said making her way over to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door behind her, she turned on the shower and stood and looked at herself in the mirror. She was happy with Liam and if a mediocre sex life was all she had to complain about she had it pretty good. Not wanting to hurt Liam's feelings, she had locked herself in the bathroom so she could finish what he started. She moved her hand down to her clit and began to play.

7 Years Earlier

"Ryan! RYAN!" shouted Sean from downstairs. Like a child he continued to scream "Ryan! Ryyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaan!" this continued relentlessly until Ryan got downstairs.

"Alright, I'm on my way" she said finally putting a stop to his persistent summons.

She walked into the kitchen and she was stopped in her tracks by the sight before her. She smiled and let out a slight chuckle as she walked in to find some gifts and a birthday cake laid out on the kitchen table and a naked Sean stood beside them holding a box in front of his genitals.

"Happy birthday!" he screamed excitedly with his trademark mischievous grin on his face, his eyes bright with excitement.

"What are you doing?" she asked knowing the answer. She looked over at him, she found his impishness attractive, she loved how unpredictable he was and how goofy he could be, never taking himself seriously. She walked over to him and smiled. "That's a big box" she observed.

"It a 'big' present" he replied emphasising on the word 'big'.

She clenched her jaw and tilted her head teasingly "Not if its what I think it is" she joked

"Ouch!" he said pretending to be hurt by her comment but knowing it was said in fun. Ryan ran her finger across the frosting on her cake and placed her finger in Sean's mouth for him to lick it off. "You've ruined the cake now" he joked "Its delicious though. Are you going to unwrap your present?" he asked growing impatient. She admired the man before her, taking it all in for a minute, she loved this man.

She untied the bow and opened the box to reveal the obvious "Oh wow, you've put a lot of thought into this gift haven't you?"

"Do you know how hard it was to find a box this big?" he said throwing it to the floor and cupping Ryan's face kissing her passionately.

He lifted her and carried her over to the kitchen counter and placed her on the edge. Between kisses he helped her out of her shirt, he undid her jeans, she lifted her hips up and he pulled them down throwing them to the ground. He continued to kiss her, she wanted him and he could tell.

"Lay back" he insisted, she did as he said and within seconds she could feel him between her legs, his warm breath against her skin, he began to lick her clit teasing her, his tongue moved down to her opening he began to dart his tongue inside of her, she didn't know how much longer she could stand the teasing, she needed to feel him inside her. He moved his mouth back to her clit and she became overwhelmed with the satisfying feeling flooding through her body only for it to be heightened even more as she felt him slide his fingers inside her. He continued to repeat this attack on her senses until he could sense she was close to her release and then he pulled away. He yanked on her legs pulling her bottom half off the counter she instinctively caught herself on the edge stopping herself from falling, Sean pushed himself inside her and began to thrust long powerful thrusts. Ryan couldn't help but begin to let out gratified moans with every thrust they got louder as her pleasure intensified. Sean could once again see she was close.

"No, no, no, no, not yet" he said pulling himself out and letting her legs drop to the ground. He quickly spun her around and bent her over the counter. He placed his hand at her opening to feel how wet she was, he used her moistness to lubricate himself before he pushed himself back inside her, he pushed himself as far as he physically could and watched as Ryan's body indulged and she screamed with delight.

"Sean!" he withdrew slightly and began to build up a rhythm drilling his powerful member inside her accommodating hole. Sean hooked both of her arms and pulled her up towards him, she could feel him move deeper inside of her and she began to move up and down on his length in unison so that every time he pushed himself inside her she was pushing down on him for maximum penetration, within seconds both of them could feel they were about to cum. Sean felt her tighten around his shaft and Ryan felt the excited twitch of him inside her. They both came simultaneously. They stayed in the same position for a moment longer as Sean finished ejaculating inside her and they regained their composure.

"Wait till you see what I get you for Christmas" he whispered in her ear and just like that they were back to being them. Ryan chuckled. Sean with his quirky British humour and her loving him for it.

PRESENT DAY

Ryan tried her best not to moan out loud as she climaxed to the memory of her and Sean as Liam laid in their bed on the other side of the door. She finally finished hoping she'd done it discreetly enough. She looked at herself in the mirror and she instantly felt ashamed. What was wrong with her? Why was she fantasising about a man who hurt her? Why was she so turned on by a man that could treat her so poorly when there was a perfectly good man right on the other side of that door? A beautiful man, inside and outside.

Why did she seem to be on self-destruct?