Dastardly & Muttley in Their Flying Machines: Operation Pigeon Shoot-out!
Written by Matthew Hawkins
(The scene is the normal blue sky backdrop. Yankee Doodle Pigeon flies into the scene.)
Narrator: "Yankee Doodle Pigeon, flying once again on another dangerous mission, delivering those top-secret messages!"
(Shot of the Vulture Squadron in their trademark planes only now with double-barrel shotguns attached.)
Narrator: "However lurking high above is the deadly Vulture Squadron, led by that notorious demon of the sky ways, Dick Dastardly!"
(Close up of Dick Dastardly.)
Dick Dastardly: (faces the camera, twiddling moustache smugly.)
"That's my name, don't wear it out." (laughs.)
Narrator: "Klunk has equipped the squad with double-barrel shotguns."
Dick Dastardly: "Yes! (laughs, then turns to address the squadron, raising his index finger.) Stand by for Operation Pigeon Shoot-out!
(Dick Dastardly gains on our hero and fires, he misses of course.)
Yankee Doodle Pigeon: (in panic dives, leaving feathers behind him.)
Dick Dastardly: (annoyed by missing his target.)
"Drat! After him men!"
(The Squadron gamely try to shoot the pigeon going all over the place, up and down, left and right but failing miserably to shoot the pigeon. In the end their planes are all full of holes.)
(Shot of all 4 planes coming into shot from the side before all falling one by one.)
(Shot of Dick Dastardly falling.)
Dick Dastardly: "Muttleeeeyyyy! Doooo somethiiiing!
Muttley: (Ever ready to save his master, touches his tail which becomes a propeller and dives to save Dick Dastardly. He manages to grab his hat, Dick Dastardly falls out from under his hat and lands on his head upside down, cross-eyed and dazed. A lump grows on his head. He remains on his head briefly before falling on his front.)
Muttley: (having witnessed the whole thing, wheezes.)
(Meanwhile back on the ground in front of the Vulture Squadron Headquarters, Klunk is getting another stern talking to. The planes are now repaired, but instead of the shotguns they now have flame throwers.)
Dick Dastardly: (points his finger at Klunk.) "I ought to have you court martialed, Klunk! Your dumb-head ideas make me sick!"
Klunk: "Don't worry chief, I've put... wheeeeee...plop...
whoooop...ping!"
Dick Dastardly: ( stupefied, turning to Zilly.) "What did he say?
Zilly: (trembling as always.) "He said... th...that he's put flame throwers on our planes, so we can roast the pigeon."
Dick Dastardly: (smiling at the idea.) "Roast the pigeon, eh? (laughs.) You know it just might work".
Narrator: "And so, now equipped with flame throwers, the Vulture Squadron is back in action."
Dick Dastardly: (is first to spy the pigeon) "There he is men! After him! "Hmmmmm." (sniffs the air.) "I like my pigeons extra crispy." (laughs.)
(Dick Dastardly fires. The flames lick round Yankee Doodle before he flies off screen. He stops as he encounters the rest of the squadron. He flies off in the opposite direction. The squadron now fire too. In no time at all, all we can see is a thick grey cloud of smoke.)
Dick Dastardly: "Hey! I can't see!"
Zilly: " Oh dear, oh, my, neither can I."
Klunk: "Me...haaang...har...three."
(There is a loud crash as all four planes collide with each other. Plane parts rain down before the squad fall through the cloud back down to earth.)
(Shot of Dick Dastardly falling.)
Dick Dastardly: "Muttleeeeyyyy! Doooo somethiiiing!"
Muttley: (again springs in to action, biting Dick Dastardly hard on his rear.)
Dick Dastardly: (understandably...) "YEEEEEEEAOOOOCH! Muttley! Let go! Let go!
(However Muttley doesn't need to because his razor sharp teeth have gone right through the seat of Dick Dastardly's trousers. He falls, leaving the seat in Muttley's jaws.)
(Off-screen crash as Dick Dastardly hits the ground.)
Muttley: (Hovers to the ground to find Dick Dastardly with his head in the ground, showing his spotty underwear, struggling to free himself. A muffled, angry voice bellows...)
Dick Dastardly: Muttley! Get me out of here! Muttleeeeyyyy!
Muttley: (wheezes.)
(Shot of Yankee Doodle Pigeon, hovering in the air, he plays his bugle before flying off into the distance.)
Dick Dastardly, Muttley, Klunk, Zilly and Yankee Doodle Pigeon are copyright of Hanna-Barbera Productions and Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc. This is a work of fan-fiction. No infringement is intended.