Oneshot:
"Say, Jared…"
"Yes, Iffy-II?" the Passerby replied without peeling his eyes away from the paper he's been reading.
"What exactly is our relationship?"
"Ha?" asking something that's so out of left field, the Passerby couldn't help but look at the figure of the girl he raised beside him.
"I mean, you raised us and all, so I've been wondering really…" IF-II said as casually as if talking about the weather.
"Hrmmmm… I've been wondering that too…" Compa-II said as she brings drinks over to them.
Currently, they're visiting the Passerby to get his signature on an expedition they've been asked to do by the Ultradimension's guild. The nature of said expedition is about finding new continents beyond the ocean, and they have noteworthy evidence that there is one. IF-II works for the guild so she was naturally selected, and Compa-II was recommended by the former since they needed a medic in this expedition.
As much as they both want to go, the Guild requires the signature of their immediate family for insurance before joining as it may involve dangerous outcomes. And thus, leads to the situation here.
"It's been bothering me that we keep calling you, 'Jared'…"
"I see…" the Passerby nods in agreement. At the beginning he was thinking the same thing about what their toddler selves would call him. But, after careful deliberation, he just decided to let them call him by his name or nickname if they so desire. It felt wrong for him to be called anything, seeing as he doesn't have any blood relation to them.
"So, what do you want to call me? I'm down with anything honestly" the Passerby says his thoughts.
"How about 'Papa'?" Compa instantly answered.
"Guaah!"
"Hrmmmmm… 'Papa' eh. Yeah, that sounds about right…" IF-II nods to herself.
"Gaaaah!"
"But it would be weird to call him 'Papa' though"
"Gubbbeeeeeeeh!"
"Why? Oh, he's already married…"
"Yeah, it'd be really weird for 'Papa's' kid if we call him 'Papa'"
"Guhaaah!"
"But then again 'Papa's' kid would be so happy to have 2 Big Sisters!"
"I guess you're right. We're practically siblings ourselves too if you think about it.
Hrm? What's wrong?" IF-II asked an already fallen Papa.
"N-Nothing…" he said as he weekly stands up. He didn't realize how strong the word 'Papa' is.
"Let's try calling me something else, other than Papa" he requested.
"Like what? Father or something formal? Doesn't roll off the tongue very well" IF-II said.
"Maybe Uncle?" Compa-II suggested.
"Eeeh. That's a little… Right, Uncle?" IF-II looked at her 'Uncle' for support
"Just no"
"Big Brother? No no, Ge-Ge already does that…"
"Why not? I'm sure Gear won't mind"
"I guess… But it doesn't feel exclusive" Compa-II feels conflicted.
"Exclusive? Why? It's not like he's going to be taken away"
"You never know! Jar-Jar and Nep-Nep might have a huge fight and then they'll get a divorce! And then Jar-Jar will remarry!" Compa-II described a plausible scenario.
"You watch way too many dramas Compa" the Passerby said.
"And besides, we're still a year into our marriage, don't just divorce it just like that. That'd be too tragic"
"I've heard that line so many times! And it always happens!" Compa-II said.
"Well, if it did happen, what should we call him? Step-dad?"
"No. Same reason why I rejected Uncle" the Passerby immediately shot it down.
"Eh? Well if you say so… but we're really running out of ideas now…" IF-II said.
"Hrmm…" the Passerby deeply thinks.
What exactly is their relationship? Sure, he helped raise them straight. If not for his influence, IF-II wouldn't have been such a strong girl that's able to even point her knife at him. Compa-II was able to achieve her dream of becoming a nurse at her first try in her licensure exam. As they were going through their puberty, without his advice on how boys work, or even how to choose a real man from the boys, they would be nowhere by now. As they were going through their younghoods, he taught them discipline and balancing play from work. Knowing when to give, and when to pull.
That is not to say that the others didn't do their part. He knows that he is just part of the many teachings the world has given to these 2. And that they have adopted them and made it their own. For example, Neptune and Plutia being anti-role models. So it's not exactly right to himself in the pedestal.
And yet, he can't deny that he is the majority influence.
With all that and more… what exactly is their relationship?
"Then why not just call me Father then?" the Passerby said...
"No. It sounds like I'm talking to a priest" to which IF-II immediately shot it down.
"Wow, you just ruined the mood" the Passerby retorted.
"Who calls their pseudo-father, 'Father' these days anyway?"
"These days, it's either Papa or fake-Papa" Compa-II said.
"What does fake-Papa even mean? It sounds like you're making me into an imposter or something"
"Technically, you're right" IF-II said.
"..." the Passerby doesn't deny it.
"I feel like you 2 just really want to call me Papa, huh…" he added.
"Yup! And we're not budging" Compa-II said with sparkle in her eyes.
"Who taught you to be this hardheaded?"
"Who else?" IF-II answered.
"Who? Me? I never… oh…"
"If, in your heart of hearts, you feel that you're right about something, it's fine to hold your ground"
The Passerby's palm meets his face.
"Looks like you remembered…" IF-II said.
"And this craftiness is from me too huh…" he fears his own influence onto others.
"Well, if you're talking about craftiness, I think that Auntie Vert got that in the bag"
"Auntie? When did you start calling her that?"
"Just now" IF-II smiles.
"C'mon, Papa. Can't we call you Papa?" Compa-II begs with puppy dog eyes shining at him.
"Ugh…!" he can't deny that he finds Compa-II begging like this cute. The wave of nostalgia when she does this exact same begging when she was a child splashes around in his brain.
"Please, please, please, please!" she comes ever closer to him, begging like she was when she wanted to open her Christmas present early.
"...Alright! Alright! Godfather then"
"Godfather?" Compa-II cocks her head.
"Godfather? What's the difference?" Iffy-II said.
"Look, I can't be your Papa. That word is reserved only for your biological parent. But since I practically raised you 2, then that's the closest thing I can be position wise"
"That sounds kinda lame. Why can't we just call you Papa. It's the same reason anyway…" IF-II complains, a hint of irritation.
"I see… so that's it…" the Passerby now understood the root of this conversation.
"Come here, Iffy" he said.
"Wh-what?"
"Just come here" he said, putting a bit more force on his voice. IF-II promptly walks up to him, stopping side-by-side with Compa-II.
And in one smooth motion, the Passerby embraces the 2 as tightly as he can. As if trying to make them feel the beating of his own heart. The 2 didn't struggle, nor were they suprised, they've felt his embrace plenty of times.
"Sorry you 2, but I can't be your Papa. It's something I decided on a long time ago. It's either Father or Godfather. But even then, I don't really care what you 2 call me. Since you 2 are still immature clearly still needs some more raising and spanking. So, you can come to me whenever you 2 want, pull me whenever, prank me whenever, complain, cry, brag, even introduce me to a boy that you like. I'll be there for both of you…" he whispered.
"That's unfair you know…" IF-II said, returning the embrace.
"Hehe… But it's just like Jar-Jar to be like this" Compa-II also returns the embrace.
"Really? I feel like he's just tricking us"
"I would never dream of it. Probably" the Passerby lightly said.
"Then I think we should just keep calling you like we usually do" Iffy-II said.
"Mhm! Jar-Jar also feels right" Compa-II added.
"The name itself feels kinda special" Iffy-II snuggles up even more.
"Glad we're in agreement then"
After feeling their warmth for a few more seconds, the 3 eventually let go and collected the insurance papers they asked him to sign. With another round of kisses and hugs, the 2 almost siblings left the tower hand in hand, satisfied.
"Are you sure?" a familiar voice sitting on top of a book reaches his ears as he mops the floor.
"Yeah. Besides, I can't take their real parents' place. It's not my right to do so" he answered.
"Why not? From where I stand, you have every right to claim it"
"Still, that's something I can't say from my own mouth…"
"And what about them, didn't you consider their feelings? They really wanted you to agree"
"I did. Even so, I want them to bear the cross of putting up with their unreasonable parents. No matter how much cruel the world is, they're still their parents"
"Even if their parents are people straight out of a drama?"
"Even if their parents are people straight out of a drama"
"That's a bit cruel, isn't it?"
"I only just want the best for them. After all, I don't want them to be like me"
"They say you can't teach what you haven't experienced, seems that quote embodies you perfectly"
"I feel like you don't like it" the Passerby stops his cleaning and looks at the fairy sitting on top of a book
"No, no. I do understand where you're coming from" her face says she doesn't feel the least bit dissatisfied.
"But just as you want the best for them, I too am in the same position am I not?"
"Yeah… can't deny that"
"Then you should be careful what you wish for, Jared" she said with all the goodwill she can muster for him.
"Yeah… thanks for reminding me" he said, returning to his cleaning.
"Good. And if you can, you should try and stop being hard-headed in the weirdest of times. Also, don't use your gigolo powers on your own pseudo-daughters, that's a bit too much isn't it"
"Okay, that's a bit too straight. First off, what? Second, I did not work as a gigolo before" he immediately stopped what he was doing and complained to the fairy.
"You should also try to be a bit more objective about yourself too, you're really weird in the weirdest of places"
"How am I weird exactly?"
"That's for you to struggle and figure out yourself, I only want the best for you after all" she smiled at him.
"..." the Passerby can't retort that one.
"…Yes, I'll try" the Passerby gave up.
"Good, now if you excuse me, I'll need to finish some more work. They'll be coming home soon, so I think it's time you should prepare them a light snack"
"You want some too?"
"Some orange juice is fine"
"Got it"
And the day moves on…