Wishing You'd Be Mine

by FigKeele

A story told in two parts: 2018, the time when Miles and Peter help each other grieve and Miles deals with his crush on Spider-Man. 2021 when Miles is helplessly in love with Peter, and mutual pining ensues. Peter/Miles

THEN - 2018

So, Miles might have a slight crush on Spider-Man, no big deal, right? At least, he's not writing fanfiction about him. (Or not yet, anyway. He won't admit it to anyone but he has some readerfic bookmarked for lonely nights. They're quite compelling, he has to agree.)

It wouldn't be a problem if he didn't meet freaking Spider-Man, turning around a corner in one of the poorly lit hallways of F.E.A.S.T. Because it's the new normal now apparently, running into his favorite hero at the place he's helping out. (Or if he's honest, a place that's helping him out since his father's death.)

Spider-Man seems to be about to go into a back storage room - obviously, for medical supplies, a habit he picked up since his fight with the Sinister Six - when he tenses up and stops, hearing Miles coming.

"Hey, man, can I help? I mean, I know you can find your way around here… I'm just…" Breathe, Miles, he tells himself. He cringes at how enthusiastic he sounds, not to even mention the fluttering feeling in his stomach. Yeah, he should play it cool.

(Problem number two: even though he wouldn't admit this out loud to anyone - okay, maybe to Ganke or Phin -, his Spider-Man hero crush did play a big part in realizing he might not be as straight as he thought up until now. Who wouldn't have some fantasies about a superhero, right? It just happened that Miles didn't daydream about Black Widow but Spider-Man.)

"I'm just… Trying to help?" Miles adds, his voice rising as if even he's unsure of what he could be helping with.

He doesn't see Spider-Man's face but Miles can guess he's smiling by the movement of the mask, and definitely hears it in his soft tone.

"I don't need much, just some disinfectant and gauze." Spider-Man waves towards the supply room, stepping aside and letting Miles search for it.

Miles knows very well Spider-Man could manage this alone and only lets Miles help but he still grabs the opportunity. When Miles gets a first aid kit and turns around to give it to Spider-Man, he finally notices dark blood soaking the damaged Spider suit on his right shoulder.

"I guess it's not fun to always repair the suit and the gadgets, right?" Miles blurts it out because he is in what Ganke calls his Spider-Man fan mode. He always bugs Ganke about what he thinks Spider-Man makes his suit from or what kind of gadgets he has. "Well, after the whole…" He waves awkwardly toward him. "Patching yourself up."

Jesus, Miles, get a grip, you are babbling. And basically, you just told him you're more interested in the gadgets than him being beaten up.

But Spider-Man only laughs and takes the kit from Miles. "You know, if you're interested in my gadgets, I can hook you up with some textbooks on robotics."

And all Miles can say, in his daze of star-struck haze: "Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome."

NOW - 2021

It's been years since Miles and Peter do the Spider-Man stuff side by side, and Miles is still taken aback by how well they work together.

Miles can hold it on his own of course but he gravitates toward other people and finds his rhythm easily with them, Peter, on the contrary, is strangely more closed off, and he still hardly ever accepts any help.

So anytime Peter announces they should go patrolling together or he invites Miles to join in one of his cases, Miles takes the chance to go with him. Partly, because he fears Peter will be retiring soon, passing on the mantle permanently to him, and for some reason (which he doesn't want to analyze) he would sorely miss his mentor web-swinging next to him.

This is how now they're working again on a case, involving Tombstone, a missing drug shipment, and some very angry gunmen. But surprisingly some work requires a bit more discretion than their spandex suits and after some sleuthing as their civilian selves, Miles is ready to head home.

But Peter stops him with a hand on his arm before he could turn to leave. And even if it's only for a moment Miles can still feel that touch as if it's burning through his clothes.

"You know maybe we could check out the exhibition you wanted to see about the history of Brooklyn hip hop," Pete says, fidgeting with his jacket cuffs, not looking directly at Miles.

"Oh, man, really?" Miles's heart starts to race, and he has to take a deep breath to calm himself. "I was trying to get Ganke to come with me, I talked his ear off about this."

Of course, Peter knows this, he knows everything about Miles, as much as Miles knows him. And it nudges something in his mind, a thing he should remember but can't recall, it's annoying like an itch he can't scratch.

"Oh, if you wanna go with him…" And for some reason, Peter's shoulders slump, and he looks away quickly.

Miles grins. "Nah, I don't think Ganke was honestly that excited about it, and it's not like I can't go see it twice."

They spend the whole day together in the end: first, the mission, then the museum visit, and later Pete suggests they grab some pizza.

At this point, it's in their blood to look over the city from high on top, so they end up on a rooftop with two large pizzas and a lot of coffee. Miles takes in the scenery, the bustling city life, which he can never get bored of. He doesn't know if it's tied to being Spider-Man or something else, but he and Peter both like to get away here when they need peace and quiet.

They talk about everything and nothing, in a comfortable camaraderie, Miles brings up a scientific piece that he read, an interesting new experiment, and Pete is there to listen to every word with excitement.

In the end, darkness falls, and they don't even notice it at first. Miles only realizes he's stretched out and is looking up at the night sky, the full moon visible with no clouds to cover it.

"It was a while ago since we did this," Miles says in the sudden silence. He remembers it was a bit of a routine they had before when their grief was like a gaping wound, fresh, bruising, and painful.

"Yeah, we needed a break – I know the city never sleeps, but we do need to catch our breaths." Peter sits, leaning back on his hands, so near Miles, he's painfully aware of the warmth of Peter's body next to him.

"You're right." Miles closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the end of this perfect day, feeling the crisp air on his face. "The last few weeks were too busy with Rhino and the others. I needed this, thanks, you've read my mind."

"Anything to make Spider-Man happy." Catching Peter's smile, Miles is stunned, and the soft light hits Pete's face in a way that takes Miles's breath away.

Oh, shit.

Peter is gorgeous of course, (especially on a moonlit rooftop, leaning so close to Miles), Miles knows it, he has eyes after all. Miles also happens to be bisexual, and apart from the very awkward revelation that his best friend was the one that inadvertently helped him realize that, he appreciates a well-muscled body. No one can blame him really, their Spidey suits don't leave a lot for imagination. But he stops himself because nope, he's so not going there.

"Or I should say anything to make Miles Morales happy." Peter's insistence to keep discussing this topic is not helping Miles. "I know I'm one to talk but you really should balance the two halves of your life better."

Miles grunts in dismay, hoping Peter will drop the subject.

"No, honestly. When was the last time you did something fun?" Peter wiggles his eyebrows. "Went on a date?"

"Does today count?" With no filter, his reply comes quickly, and feeling his face heat up, Miles has to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from babbling.

Peter laughs. "I don't think you wanna go on a date with poor old me?"

Miles doesn't answer because he's frozen at the moment and he simultaneously realizes two things. One, that yeah, this whole day would be the perfect date for him, not just because of the museum visit but because of who he spent his time with. And two, he's utterly and truly fucked.

He recalls a long-ago conversation he had with Pete about love - this is what bothered him before, the something that slipped his mind. "A person who you trust, who knows you inside out, and who makes you laugh. Someone who wants you to be happy, and you wish the same to them. Someone who completes you in a way you didn't realize you needed."

And he curses himself for being stupid and not realizing who this person was for him for a while now. Even if he grew out of his crush on Spider-Man, he managed to fall in love with Peter Parker, which right now seems so much worse.

Oh, sure he's just so unlucky he fell in love with a straight guy he can't even manage to avoid. Or he can't even imagine being cut off from his life.

Miles wakes up to a soft but steady pitter-patter, and at first, he thinks it's raining. But a shadow cuts through the moonlight streaming through the windows. And since Miles lives in a third-floor apartment, he can guess whoever is sticking to the wall outside is Peter.

Adrenaline rushes into his veins, and with the small hairs rising up on his arms, he scrambles out of bed – because what else would Pete do so late at night, knocking on his window if there wasn't some kind of emergency?

Miles opens the window for him, and Peter crawls in, his movements clumsy, which makes alarm bells ring in Miles's head. Searching for any kind of visible wounds on him, he notices Peter's wearing his civilian clothes, which adds a new layer of unease to the dread creeping on him. Peter is the kind of guy who always has his Spider suit on under his normal clothes, so for him to risk being seen without a mask on is unsettling to Miles.

"Hey, what's the situation?" Miles reflexively reaches for his suit to get going.

"Nothing like that." Pete waves in the direction of where Miles's masks lay on his desk and promptly plops down on his bed. "No emergencies. I wanted to talk."

"Talk?" Relaxing a little, Miles checks his phone. "At midnight?"

"I know you're angry with me. You're avoiding me. I can't figure out why. I might have had some liquid courage, and I wanna know what I did. I need to fix it, please." Again he waves around, unsteady. The guy really can't hold his liquor. "I need to fix us."

Fuck, this whole thing is too much for Miles. His heart starts to beat so fast he can't breathe and feels like it wants to break free of his ribcage. Us, Pete says, when in reality there is no us, not the way Miles craves, anyway.

So what if he couldn't bear to be around Pete and see him smile and not touch him, kiss him, taste him, have him, and he was a coward, ran away, and hid away. This is why he didn't want to open this can of worms – he didn't want to hurt Peter, but Miles is drowning in the mess of his feelings. He doesn't know what to do.

And looking at Peter awkwardly sitting on his bed, head tilting up toward Miles, his heart squeezes.

"Look, I'm not angry with you." Miles makes the mistake of not denying he's avoiding Peter.

Because I'm selfish, he thinks. And I have no fucking idea how to be around you without behaving like a lovesick puppy.

"Then let me help." Pete is determined, even if he's slurring his words. "You know you can tell me anything. I'm here for you."

Peter and his eagerness to help, damn him. It's the only thing he can't help with and Miles doesn't know how to spell it out for him.

THEN - 2018

And there is the enigma of Peter Parker. Ever since he walked into Miles's life – at his darkest point – Miles seems to gravitate toward him. Maybe because Peter was the only one to understand him on a level no one else could, giving him a lifeline when he needed it the most.

"Walk you home?" Peter asks when one night they're leaving F.E.A.S.T. at the same time. He blows on his hands to keep them warm, his breath visible in the cold December air.

Anyone else would ask this and Miles would find it patronizing, but since May died, there is a haunted look to Peter that surfaces sometimes, a look Miles knows very well from seeing it in the mirror. So maybe it's more about Peter not wanting to be alone with his darker thoughts than being overprotective of Miles, as if he couldn't keep himself safe.

"Sure." Miles tucks his hands into his pockets, cursing himself for leaving his gloves at home.

He looks at Peter when they are waiting to cross a street, the roar of traffic drowning out his thoughts. Peter is staring off at the moon, and the street lights hit his face in a way that brings out a part of him Miles thinks only he can really see. The part that's lost under a crushing wave of heavy guilt, a part that's barely holding on.

When they're walking again, Miles doesn't say a word, and he doesn't need to. There's no expectation here to talk about their grief, it's nothing like therapy, but somehow that they're going through some of the same stuff together eases an unseen weight off his chest, and he can breathe easier day by day.

"It might be cheesy but after my parents died, when I was a kid," Peter says, shaking his head as if this could clear his thoughts. "I used to do that." He waves upward. "Just look at the moon or the stars I could see from the city. I got an old telescope and I was hauling it around, camping on rooftops, giving May a few heart attacks I'm sure." Remembering back, his lips twitch in a half-smile. "I don't know… Is it because I could imagine them watching over me from there, even though I know scientifically it's only the light of faraway astronomical objects." He cuts himself off and shrugs, all stiff.

"I get it," Miles says.

And he does. Those lights might be coming from stars long dead and gone, but they still touch people's lives the same as the lingering presence of his father is everywhere, casting shadows. A favorite mug now untouched, forever waiting in the cupboard, a shirt still faintly carrying the scent of a long-unused perfume.

When they get to Miles's house, Miles stands there awkwardly, huddling against the cold.

"Do you wanna come in for a coffee?" Miles asks because he knows from experience when he loses himself in a sea of memories, stuck between the past and the present, being alone feels like he's cut open from the inside out.

Peter smiles then, and it reaches his eyes.

"Only, if you're not doing it to be polite. I know, I'm in a mood, so…" He shrugs.

And at that moment, Miles's heart breaks for him, because this is so Peter Parker. Always helping everyone else, always putting anyone else first, but never himself. And asking for help? Fat chance.

"You know I'm not polite." Miles is reminded of the first time they met – at his father's funeral – how the red-hot anger was eating away at him, so he lashed out at Peter when all he was trying to do was comfort Miles. "So come on in… You know we can even watch the stars together for a while… I mean…" He starts to babble again, like when he's nervous. He doesn't want Peter to think his offer is about easing Miles's guilt for his bratty behavior back then. "If you want to. It's a pretty okay view from the rooftop."

Again Peter smiles, and now some of his usual cheer and optimism seeps into his voice. "Only if I don't bother your mom."

They end up on the rooftop, looking over the city's colorful Christmas lights already put up. Despite the cold, they're comfortable, sitting close to each other, wrapped in blankets, and hugging their mugs of coffee to keep their hands warm. They talk long into the night, about science, about school, about nothing important. Even after the discussion dies down, it's not awkward. As the first snowflakes start to fall, and Miles watches them melting when they reach the ground, something dark and hard dissolves around his heart, and warmth spreads through him.

Later he doesn't remember how he got there but wakes up in his own bed, and it makes him smile.

NOW - 2021

"I know you're always here for me," Miles says and a sharp pain squeezes his chest at the thought of losing Peter over this, for a moment he can't breathe.

Even drunk and slightly unfocused Peter looks at him with such warmth and understanding it's hard not to blurt out the truth. Of course, Peter wouldn't hate him for his feelings, but sure it'd change their dynamic, and Miles dreads that.

Miles leans to his desk, picking up a pencil from the mess of yarns, assorted cloth samples to mend his suit. He starts fidgeting with it to keep his nerves in check. "I'm sorry, it's completely a "me" thing. There are some things I need to figure out."

Peter contemplates it, head cocked as if he could sense if he's lying or not. He nods, seemingly accepting Miles's reasoning.

Looking down at himself, Peter seems to realize he's in his civilian clothes.

"I… think I'd better go."

There's a lost look in Peter's eyes, the same that Miles knows well, it's when he doesn't want to be alone, and he's hurting. But Peter's good at putting up walls, closing people off. This is when Peter usually holes up on some building, watching over the city.

"You don't need to go," Miles says, and when he notices Peter wants to cut in, he adds, "I can't go back to sleep. So if you want I can offer some hot chocolate and a roof."

"That'd be perfect." Peter's face softens, and Miles's heart skips a beat.

Oh, man, what will he do about this? What can he do?

They're bundled up in blankets on the rooftop of Miles's apartment, watching the soft city lights, and Miles flashes back to how many times they did this when he was just a kid and lost his father. The way these times dulled the sharp edge of grief and gave him comfort.

And now, Peter's warmth is making his head spin and his heart beat faster, it takes a lot of effort for Miles to follow the conversation. Peter is fangirling over some new Spidey gadget he's dreamed of, and Miles enjoys his view of him when Peter's most in his element.

Miles's phone buzzes and he automatically pulls it from his pocket, and checks it - it can only be some kind of emergency at this time of night, either personal or the Friendly Neighborhood app. No rest for Spider-Man.

Instead, it's a message from Ganke:

"Dude, I can't sleep, I see you're out , you need help with your ?"

"It's only Ganke, no emergencies," Miles replies to the question Peter asked only by looking over. The tension evaporates from Peter – he's always ready to save the day or just a cat, the eternal curse of having superpowers.

Usually, Miles likes to live with Ganke, but right now, he would rather skip explaining why he's not in bed sleeping so late. Somehow saying a drunk Spider-Man turned up on his doorstep (window-step? windowsill?) because Miles's own messed up feelings caused a rift between them seems ridiculous.

"No . Peter came over. We're on the roof."

"Finally. "

Oh, fuck. Miles stifles a groan and steals a glance at Peter, who is looking up at the night sky, lost in his thoughts, and/or giving Miles privacy to talk to Ganke.

"Not cool, dude." Miles taps back rapid-fire.

"Sorry. I was being hopeful. Then what's up? Is there some city-saving emergency meeting?"

"Looking at stars. Or the moon. Whatever. Nothing major."

"Because that's not romantic or anything at all. Hetero bros doing hetero things."

"Not like you and I don't spend time together…"

"Totally different. I still think you should at least say something to him! You can't mope endlessly. He would totally get it either way."

The thing is Miles knows this, Peter is too kind, he'd never be hurt by this, but Miles would lose all this closeness they have, and it'd be sure awkward for Peter that Miles is pining after him.

"Sorry, he's having girlfriend problems," Miles mumbles.

"No problem, I'm too familiar with those."

Miles's stomach drops at the mention of Peter and his girlfriends. How could he ever compete with MJ or Felicia or any other female villain that is around Peter? (It seems the guy has a type. And it's clearly not men, clearly not Miles.)

THEN - 2018

Miles finds the books Spider-Man promised him the next day webbed to his window. His heart starts to race, when he gets the package down, and reads the little tucked-in note: From your friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man. Man, he really needs to get over his schoolgirl crush.

NOW - 2021

After a while, Felicia drops in, because of course she does.

Miles tried to get back to do some patrolling with Peter and tried to not distance himself too much. And on some days he's dealing with the whole thing okay. If he has more intense dreams about Peter, well, nobody can really blame him.

And there are some days that are straight-up horrible. Case in point, Felicia fucking Hardy waltzing in her form-fitting clothes, all flirty and touchy-feely. Miles can't be really jealous, of course, he can't, of course, he knows it, and it's still a searing pain in his gut.

So yeah, he tries to avoid them: Pete being the softy he is, wants to help Hardy (again) because now it's really for a good cause (sure).

Miles only grumbles and volunteers for the stakeout part of the job, where he can't see Peter and Felicia together, how close she can get to him, what Miles himself can never dream of.

"You know it's getting harder to get your attention," Felicia says when they must be in one room together, much to Miles's chagrin, getting ready for the mission.

"I don't think you of all people have trouble getting anyone's attention." Pete doesn't look up from the Spider-Bot he's tinkering with.

"Well," she drawls, brushing her fingers softly against Peter's arm. "I could have sworn someone else captured your heart, or am I wrong?"

Peter visibly tenses up, and red blotches start to creep up on his neck.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he mumbles but it's barely convincing. "And it's none of your business anyway."

Miles tries to keep himself together, because of course he knew it would happen sooner or later, Peter wouldn't be single for all eternity despite being Spider-Man and how much a secret double life can ruin dating. But hearing it confirmed, that yes, Peter has feelings for someone, and he didn't even tell Miles or Miles didn't even notice, man, it hurts. A lot.

Miles is clumsy for the rest of the mission, and he thinks he should take a fucking vacation after this, somewhere far away, so he could bury his feelings and sort out this mess. It's too late when Miles and Peter notice that a prototype for a weapon is missing too, and Felicia is long gone by then. Miles manages to keep himself from saying "I told you so" to Pete because for some reason both he and Peter were too distracted during the job.

The whole building is on fire, the acrid smell making Miles cough, the smoke burning his lungs. He can't see well, but he knows there is someone still inside, even though he can't orient himself. He feels someone's hands sneaking around his waist, picking him up.

He's not struggling against it, because A) his Spidey senses are not tingling, and B) he's pretty sure it's Peter. He runs them out the door which he opens with a web-pull, and throws Miles to the ground.

Miles feels like he's coughing up his lungs, his eyes still stinging from the smoke. He twists around, saying: "Someone's still in there."

But he couldn't even finish the sentence, Peter is already running back inside.

No, Miles's mind screams, chest tightening, he can hardly breathe. He doesn't want Peter to risk his life because he fucked up, because he was the one who couldn't save someone. After all these years, Miles is still the one who makes the big mistakes, the one who's always one step behind, who doesn't deserve his powers.

But before he can swing into the burning building, Pete is coming out with a person over his shoulder. Peter stumbles out of the inferno and manages a step before he collapses to the ground.

Miles's Spidey senses help him web up the victim and cushion their fall while grabbing for Peter. He drags him further away from the heat and smoke.

But Peter is still not moving. He's not breathing.

Without thinking or processing anything, Miles starts CPR. He's not wondering how well he remembers it, he yanks Peter's mask halfway up and just does it.

Peter is still not breathing, and for a moment Miles finds himself back on the steps of the Mayor's Office where his father lay unmoving. His stomach turns to stone, as the two moments blend into a nightmare: Two unnaturally still bodies, one here and now, one what seems like a lifetime away, the phantom cries of people as they were shot or cut down echoing in his ears.

Damn it, he can't lose anyone else, he thinks between breaths and chest compressions. Coldness seeps into his lungs and makes his hands sweaty despite the heat from the fire.

And then, after a terribly long time, Peter starts to cough. It's a horrible sound, half wheezing, but Miles's relief makes him dizzy, and all his pent-up tension releases. Peter gets on all fours and coughs up black mucus, but he's breathing, and he's alive.

Miles doesn't even notice it, but now there's a bustle of people moving around them: firefighters and EMTs. The victim Peter saved is being checked out and someone hovers near them too. It's a blessing Miles didn't tear down either his or Peter's masks fully, because at least their identities are protected.

This is the part Miles hates the most: They have these amazing abilities, fast healing, and super strength, it's easy to forget they're still vulnerable and can be broken. Sure, they can dodge bullets, catch planes with bare hands, but one misstep, even as mundane as a burning building, and they can die too. They're not invincible or immortal.

"Do you need any help?" an EMT asks them.

"Nah, thanks, I'm fine," Peter says, his voice sounding scratched.

"Are you sure?" Miles asks.

"Yeah, I'm gonna survive, but shouldn't you be checked out?"

Typical Peter, always thinking about everybody else's safety.

"No, thanks, I'm not the one whose heart stopped."

"I have a thing for buildings on fire, it seems." When Peter sees that joking right now won't help Miles, he adds, "Well, you saved me. Again. Thank you, by the way."

Miles can't do anything but grumble, and after they catch their breaths for a few moments, they swing away.

Miles can barely sleep that night, nightmares of Peter dying chase away any chance of a restful night. His brain conjures up stark images of his father's death and mixes them with every time Peter laid unconscious, sprinkled with the fresh fear of today's horrible experience.

His heart beating against his ribcage like a bird wanting to escape, he calls Peter. He can't bear not to see him, to know that he's really okay. He craves the comfort of Peter's closeness to wash away the cold grip of death's looming shadow.

THEN - 2019

"What are you doing on Friday night?" Peter asks one night at F.E.A.S.T. when Miles is doing inventory.

"Nothing special," Miles replies absentmindedly.

"How does a movie sound?"

"Really? A movie date?" His head spinning, Miles bites down on his tongue fast, before he could make his awkward slip worse. "I mean… I didn't mean it like that. Like a friend date."

Peter only laughs. "I know. Well, MJ has a deadline, so she has to skip it, and basically, she kicked me out, so she could work."

In the end, it becomes a thing between them, a routine they share. They pick out the most ridiculous movies to see and criticize them over dinner, and something in Peter's closeness makes things getting back to normal easier.

NOW - 2021

"I'm sorry to wake you," Miles says. They're sitting on a rooftop, their usual place, two boxes of pizza keeping them company as a late-night snack. Even if the savory smell of melted cheese is mouthwatering, Miles has no appetite.

"It's okay, really." Peter looks still so pale Miles's worry is not easing at all.

"I just… man, I hate this part of our job."

Peter only hums his agreement.

"You know, this was why MJ and I never worked out," Peter says after a long silence. His voice is so soft Miles doesn't even know at first if he's really talking to him, or just to himself. "I mean the danger played its part."

"And you never thought about giving it all up?" Miles asks, his stomach dropping.

He's not sure which is worse, seeing Peter's life being always in danger, or him leaving Miles to be Spider-Man alone. It's selfish but it's a part of himself Miles can only share with Peter, a part of their souls no one else can really understand.

"Being Spider-Man?" Peter looks pensively at the city lights. "I did. I wanted to have it all, MJ, and normal life. Kids. A family. But all in all, I can't step aside and do nothing at all. You know what I mean. Even if it means, I di…"

It feels like a punch to the gut to Miles, the sudden fear gripping him makes his vision spotty.

"No," Miles says. "No dying, you have me," In more ways than I can even say, Miles adds in his mind. "I'll just come and save you every time you need it."

"I have you." And the way Peter echoes his sentiment makes Miles's heart race and takes his breath away.

Miles gets home to finally sleep after he watched the sunrise with Peter. He wakes to the bright afternoon sun filtering through the drapes. Ganke is helpful enough to put a mug of coffee in front of him when Miles shuffles into the kitchen.

"You look like shit," Ganke says without preamble, sitting down with his own mug of coffee.

He seems to be in the middle of studying for some exam, and Miles knows he should do the same, but right now feels like a train hit him, and has zero energy.

"So, do you wanna talk about last night?" Ganke asks after a while when Miles doesn't say anything.

"Not in particular."

"Dude… I get it, okay? I sympathize. You really love him…" Miles's face involuntarily pulls into a grimace, but he can't cut in because Ganke raises his hand to stop him. "But you can't do this to yourself. I absolutely get it why you don't want to confess your feelings, he's your friend, and he's also a guy, so you have less of a chance…"

"You're really good at pep talks," Miles mutters.

"Statistically, you have less of a chance," Ganke corrects himself. "But what I mean, I know why it's hard, but dude, you're driving me crazy. You're hurting real bad and it's horrible to watch. Especially if your head is not in the game while thwipping around the city and webbing up gunmen. I'm worried about you."

Would Miles forget about Peter if he could? Definitely not. Would he be able to get rid of his feelings? Sure, he could try to lie to himself again but even when he tried to put some distance between them it didn't work. He's absolutely lost.

Pushing away his mug, he slumps down, forehead hitting the tabletop, and gives himself over to despair.

"Also he's in love with someone else," Miles whines. "Yeah, I'm pathetic."

"Nah." Ganke pats his shoulders. "You just have it bad."

Before Miles could reply, a tentative knock sounds from the door. Miles doesn't even react or move, lets Ganke get it.

"Hey." A familiar voice. Peter. "I kept poor Miles last night up with my sudden almost near-death, so I thought the least I can do is bring him some late breakfast?" He sounds chipper, his voice higher than usual, and babbles on and on.

Miles can't help it; he panics and just up and disappears. It was a long time ago that he couldn't control his powers but it's tied to his emotions so of course now when he wishes that the earth would swallow him, he goes invisible.

"I don't think he's up yet," Ganke says, bless him, he's covering for Miles because he knows Miles well to know he's in no shape for a Peter show right now.

"Ah." Peter sounds disappointed.

Why? Is it something important he wanted to talk about? Stop it, Miles, he thinks, just stop obsessing.

"Well anyway, let him sleep then, can you give this to him and say I'm really sorry for scaring him last night?"

"Sure thing," Ganke says, and the door closes.

When Ganke gets back, there's a moment until he's searching for Miles, checking the windows, as if he escaped that way. He even scans the ceiling.

"The coast is clear," Ganke tries, and Miles turns visible but only halfway. "Oh, dude…"

Ganke needs to bite his lip to not laugh out loud, but Miles knows he must look stupid because, for the life of him, he can't turn visible fully again.

"Not a word," Miles grumbles, as he's shaking his still invisible hand wildly.

In his frustration, he snatches the paper bag of food Pete got him from Ganke and marches to his room. Fucking perfect, he thinks, he's really messed up now.

THEN - 2019

"Can I ask you something?" Miles asks when they are on sandwich/kitchen duty in F.E.A.S.T. together with Peter.

"Sure."

"Ah, man… this is going to be awkward, but…" He's looking anywhere but Peter, his gaze catches the sample copies of Valentine's Day cards they're selling to raise money. They cheerily mock him from the fridge door they're stuck on.

Peter doesn't laugh, which Miles appreciates. At this moment Miles misses his dad and how they could talk about anything but he's also grateful that he has at least Pete now.

"So… it's gonna sound stupid, but there is this someone…" He carefully doesn't reveal the gender, not because he thinks Peter would have issues with it, but he still doesn't want to open this can of worms and make this issue any more real than it has to be. "Someone I like… I mean, kind of?"

"Oh, oh." Peter sounds a bit surprised, and Miles's first reaction is to shut down. He thinks of Peter as a friend, but maybe, just maybe this isn't a topic they can discuss.

"Ah, man, I might not be the best at giving relationship advice, you might not know it, but I'm a mess in that department." Peter laughs at himself. "Not just at that, but you know…. But it's not. Stupid, not stupid, I mean. You're at that age when it's…" He starts to wave around the buttering knife, helpless to finish the sentence, and Miles cracks a smile. "Well, when it happens. A lot. So, what, like do you need help asking someone out?" He wiggles his eyebrows. "For Valentine's? Have you thought about buying our beautifully handcrafted cards?"

"Oh, no," Miles blurts out, feeling his face heating up. He can imagine how ridiculous that scene would be, him asking out Spider-Man of all people (who is sure to have a girlfriend, if it's not MJ). "Nothing like that."

"Not the reaction I expected." Peter laughs. "What is it then?"

"Ah, man." Miles sighs. "It's complicated. I… I don't know, it's a lot of feelings. Kinda hard to make sense of them." He cringes at himself, but he takes a deep breath. "So there's this… someone. Right? I mean they are nice, kind, funny and all that. And when I see them, my brain just shuts down, heart racing all that shit."

Peter laughs again, but there's no malice in it, more like he knows exactly what he talks about.

"Oh, I had it this bad in high school too, the sweet teenager years." The look on Peter's face is nostalgic. "All the babbling and bad jokes. I was a winner with the ladies, you can tell."

Miles's lips twitch up in a half-smile.

"Yeah, something like that. My problem is that… I just… How do you get over that? Honestly, I thought it would die down by now, but it's horrible."

"So first love then."

"Oh, dear God, I hope not," Miles mumbles, which gets a chuckle from Peter. "Or is it?" Miles says louder now, shooting a panicked look at Pete. "Love, I mean? What does that feel like?"

Of course, he read books and seen movies, he knows what love should be: something big and bright, and burning. But real life is rarely like fiction.

Peter seems to think it over, carefully choosing his words, and this is what Miles likes about him, this is what makes Pete feel safe. He cares about Miles and takes him seriously, it's not just guilt or pity about someone who lost his father.

"I'm sure a lot of people would define love in a lot of different ways," Peter answers. "But for me? It's someone you can't get out of your head, who makes your heart race, and takes your breath away, all that cliché. But it's also a person who you trust, who knows you inside out, and who makes you laugh. Someone who wants you to be happy, and you wish the same to them. Someone who completes you in a way you didn't realize you needed."

There's silence then, Miles mulling it over, and thankfully deciding that he can't add "in love Spider-Man" to his messy emotional resume at least. Or he hopes.

"But it's not the end of the world, Miles," Peter adds. "I mean I know at this age it can feel like that, but it's gonna be okay. It's either gonna fade away or who knows, it might turn into something."

"Nah." Miles turns back to making sandwiches. "This is definitely a hopeless crush."

NOW - 2021

It's a dinner at Miles's mom – it's a tradition they pick up after he moves out for university. Of course, Ganke and (much to Miles's chagrin) Peter are also invited. After the misfire of his power, it took roughly a week to not have one of his body parts randomly turn invisible. He had to make up some excuse as to why he was not able to Spidey around; he came up with the classic flu plot. So it's the first time they meet with Pete since then, and Miles's praying not to disappear again.

The dinner is going okay up until his mom chooses a touchy subject.

"So, Miles, have you decided whether you're taking that gap year?"

Anyone could hear a pin drop in the following silence. Ganke shifts uncomfortably on his chair, fork scratching the plate awkwardly. Pete, if only for a second, tenses, and his brows furrow, but he puts on a face of nonchalance.

"Taking a gap year? You didn't mention it." Peter's voice sounds strained.

"It's not set in stone yet or anything." Miles swallows hard. "It was just an option that came up, maybe I'd go to Europe for a while."

Because in his desperation that's what he was contemplating: his powers not working, Peter having feelings for someone mysterious (which he deliberately didn't pry about, didn't think about) and he's sure when Pete sorts out his own fears about having a steady relationship while continuing to be Spider-Man, he will get together with that person… The only solution he saw was getting away from this mess.

"Ah, well, I'm sure you'd love it." That's the only thing Peter says on the matter.

The rest of the night seems forced: the laughter faked, shifting eyes looking anywhere but at Miles, the atmosphere chilly. Even if Rio picks up on it, thank God, she's not commenting on anything.

Unusually, Peter excuses himself too soon, before they can break out the board games or the music.

"I'm sorry, it's an emergency?" His voice wavers so much it makes it sound like a question, and before anyone can stop him, he's out the door.

"Oh, man," Ganke whispers. "That went well."

Rio turns to Miles. "Shouldn't you go after him, mijo? He seemed rather troubled to go out there alone."

Oh, hell. Sure that would be what Miles wants to do, just grab Peter, and fucking tell him everything: that even if it kills him he will stay and be near him. Because if he's honest, he can't leave him. Peter's like the Sun with his eternal optimism and Miles's helplessly gravitating around him. Even if he can't have him to himself, he wants Peter happy, even if it means Miles will be only next to him as a friend.

"Sure, ma, good idea." Miles sighs, and hurries to get into his suit to catch Peter.

The air is heavy with the incoming rain when Miles finds Peter at their usual spot where they usually end up watching over the city.

"Hey," Miles says, pulling off his mask.

Peter tenses up, and clenches his mask in his fist, squeezing his eyes shut but doesn't move. He's sitting on the edge of the roof.

"Hey." Peter looks as lost as Miles feels right now.

Miles eases himself next to him and sighs. He tries to figure out where to start but he's lost for words.

"What's up, man?" he asks finally after what seems like an eternity.

"I'm a dick, that's what." Peter sighs. He rubs his face and leans back, looking up at the night sky. "Look, I'm sorry, I basically behaved like a child."

"No—" Miles cuts in but Peter shushes him, turning his fierce gaze on him. There's something pained and dark in his eyes Miles can't quite place.

"Let me finish, please. I… Look, Miles, if you want to go take a gap year, fuck, even if you want to move to the other side of the world because that's where you wanna go, you have to do it. You should do it…"

"Nah, man, it's nothing like that…" But Miles can't finish again.

"I shouldn't feel bad because you don't tell me everything about your life. I'm supposed to be the more mature out of the two of us."

This gets a laugh out of Miles and even the corner of Peter's mouth quirks up a bit.

"But anyway, my point is…" Peter stumbles on his words, then looks anywhere but Miles. "It's okay if you don't want to be Spider-Man with me. Or without me. Or whatever. If you want to have a normal life you know you can."

"And who will save you then?" Miles tries for a lighthearted tone and bumps Peter's shoulder lightly. "But no, it's not about that." Miles takes a deep breath and forces out a part of his confession. "I didn't wanna take a gap year because I needed it or whatever. Basically, I'm running away. Or I thought I should run away from my problems. And I just…" He waves his hand around indicating the mess he's in and what he can't get out of.

"The "you" thing you don't want to talk about, but it's somehow related to being Spider-Man or me? Because you can't say you were not avoiding me." Peter gives him a look of hurt that makes Miles's heart ache. Oh man, he really dug himself deep here.

"Look, you're probably gonna hate me…" Miles's mouth turns suddenly dry.

"Not gonna happen," Peter cuts in.

"I know." Miles sighs. "I'm being melodramatic. Let me. I know you're too kind and you're understanding and all that, but it's awkward and I'm a mess… And I really don't want to leave but…"

"Then don't leave. No running away. Whatever you need we'll figure it out."

"It's not that easy. I…"

But he can't finish the sentence because Peter pulls him closer with a shot of web of all things, and kisses him on the mouth. Yep, there goes Miles's brain checking out. He feels Peter's soft lips against his, and Peter's warm hand on his face, and Miles can't think at all about anything only that Peter fucking Parker is kissing him.

Him, and not some mysterious woman he has had feelings for, and not MJ, and not Felicia. Oh. Well, Peter is definitely not heterosexual at least.

Peter is tentative at first, it's only a soft brush of lips, but when Miles reciprocates, the kiss turns hungry. It sends a shiver down his spine, and Miles can taste Peter on his tongue, it's making him lose his mind.

It's everything and more he ever imagined and dreamed about during his lonely nights.

They're all searching hands, hungry desire, drowning in each other, and it doesn't bother them one bit when the rain starts falling. And all Miles can think about is how the hell he ended up straddling Peter in the end, not that he's complaining. Peter's fingers lightly brush his erection through his suit, and Miles moans.

Sure, he wouldn't want their first time to happen on a random rooftop, not like some random hookup, but it's hard to put on the breaks. What helps is the temperature plunging suddenly, like Miles's dipped in ice-cold water, then comes a sharp tingling from his spider-sense.

In one minute he's making out with Peter, ready to rip the clothes off him, and the next they both sense the mortal danger that's coming to them. Without even processing, they pull apart and dodge the incoming projectiles.

"Fuck," Peter says, his breathing still ragged but ready for battle.

"I agree." Miles prods the arm-length ice pieces that almost skewered them.

Straightening up and looking out the city, he sees that two blocks of the nearest buildings are covered with sheets of hard ice, and in between, there's some weirdo in a very stupid suit, flying around.

"Ah, duty calls." Miles sighs, waving toward their up-and-comer new supervillain wannabe.

Peter nods but still seems to hesitate. "About that kiss…"

Miles's stomach flip-flops because Peter's not the one-night-stand kind of guy, and even if he has some reservations about them together, Miles will fight for them, because finally, he has some sparkle of hope to get everything he ever wanted.

"Later," Miles says, and Peter's face goes rigid, closing himself off, already withdrawing.

"Yeah, right."

"I- I didn't mean it like that," Miles adds in a soft voice, but Peter is already off running away.

Miles sighs, and hopes he can salvage this.

THEN - 2019

Miles is cleaning in the kitchen at F.E.A.S.T. late on a Friday night and that's when he meets Spider-Man again.

A battle-trodden, damaged suit and the limping tell that he's again here for medical supplies. Miles wonders how someone can take all that beating all the time.

"What do you need?" Miles asks, and he's proud of himself for not sounding too eager.

"It's gonna be an awkward question, but do you sew?"

"What now?"

"Sew, you know, with needle and thread." Spider-Man turns around and there's a pretty ugly, bleeding gash on his back.

"Fuck," Miles breathes out.

A low chuckle.

"Yeah, I heal okay, but I still need a bit of help with this. And the doc here now on urgent care duty is busy, I didn't want to bother…I can go and ask MJ, but F.E.A.S.T was closer… Never mind, I don't want to put this on you, Miles."

"Ah, no, no problem, I can do it." Miles puts down the cleaning rag he was holding, eager to help out. "Believe it or not I have some practice. Let me grab the stuff."

NOW - 2021

So, Miles fucked up, it's nothing new, he thinks. There's ice sharp as a knife pressing to his throat and he's trying not to breathe.

"Now, I'm here to claim this city to myself," their new foe says. He calls himself Frost Pharaoh apparently (talk about originality), and Miles cringes.

Honestly, it's not enough he had to stop whatever he had going on with Peter, now even he's getting monologued at by a terribly campy supervillain. Though to be fair, Miles himself dresses up as a spider, so maybe he shouldn't judge too hard.

"Yeah, sure, pal." Miles is trying for a lighter tone, getting into the Spider-quip mode. "By the way, is your costume from a Halloween sale? I think they conned you, dude, it's very retro, I give you that but it looks very homemade. Like kindergarten level."

He learned it fast there's a strategic advantage to mocking your supervillains, if you annoy them with jokes, sometimes they mess up. And honestly, who can take a white guy dressing up as a Pharaoh seriously, anyway.

Miles doesn't register the Pharaoh's reply, he feels the guy's muscles shift, his minuscule movements and it's enough for Miles to be out of the danger zone, so he moves fast, hits the guy in the stomach while gathering up a venom strike in his other fist.

But the Pharaoh falls back, his ice weapon on the ground shattered, his staff with the glowing jewel clanking away on the concrete, so Miles holds himself back, only stepping on the staff. The guy looks pathetic, almost whimpering, and doesn't seem like a threat. So Miles opts for the good old-fashioned spider-webbing, making a present out of the guy for the police.

But before he can do that, ice walls up around the Pharaoh like a shield, and even though the spider-sense starts ringing in his ear, Miles's not fast enough.

The ice shield breaks into tiny pieces, sending shrapnel like a bomb, and yeah, Miles can dodge a few, but not all. Razor-sharp splinters slice Miles's left side up, shredding even the suit, making it clear that whatever magic is behind the guy's powers is no joke. Miles hisses in pain but gathers again his venom powers, now to strike again for real, not holding back - well not more than usual, anyway.

The Pharaoh might not be a trained or experienced fighter but the raw power he has seems enough to block Miles's attacks. Miles's fists only touch rock-hard ice, sending pain shooting up his arms. With a help of a web shot to a lamppost, Miles manages to lunge up and jerk himself to the side, maneuvering around the guy's shields, then turning invisible.

But he miscalculates again, because now even though his kick connects, so does the Pharaoh's power. He's clever, Miles has to give him that, because the moment he touches Miles's legs awkwardly, Miles can feel the stabbing pain and something wet dripping down his leg.

Apparently, the guy just fucking grew an icicle inside his leg. Miles tries to shut out pain, as much as he can and focuses on gathering his bio-electricity now for real, but he's off-balance and losing blood fast.

Peter chooses this moment to appear on the scene, dropping softly on the left, and even if it distracts the Pharaoh only for a split second, Miles manages to hit him. Maybe it's because he's weak from the blood loss, but his punch is not enough to knock the guy out.

One second and alarm bells ring in Miles's ears, his spidey sense tingling, the next thing he feels the Pharaoh's hand on his chest, too close to his heart. An oh shit moment, a beat of silence, then the pain explodes inside him. He hears Peter distorted somewhere on the side, he registers that the Pharaoh also got knocked out, but Miles loses his balance and falls.

Pain rips through him, and as he touches the front of his suit, his fingers come away bloody.

Peter is suddenly next to him, pressing a hand to Miles's chest, and cradling him up.

"I'm sorry, so sorry," he says over and over, his voice tinged with panic creeping in.

"I'm fine," Miles mumbles, "It's only a scratch."

And then the whole world turns dark, and Miles lets it swallow him.

Miles wakes up in a bed. It takes a few minutes for his brain to register that it's not his own bed, the heavy smell of disinfectant is a dead giveaway. Things are still blurry and the pain in his chest is an agonizing living fire. He can barely breathe.

Someone stirs next to him, and his mom's face swims before him.

"Mijo, you scared me," his mom says, her voice a ragged whisper.

Guilt grips Miles as he's noticing her red eyes.

"Sorry," he croaks, and he sounds like shit.

She places a warm hand on his forehead, Miles savoring the slight comfort. Even if you're 20 and a superhero – though sometimes a really bad one at that – your mom still can be a wonderful source of peace and quiet, and it's easier to believe that everything's gonna be alright.

Miles sees better now, and he can place himself in one of the makeshift F.E.A.S.T. urgent care rooms. He knows his mom kept his secret identity and the few volunteering docs here are also trustworthy, so he's not worried about his cover being blown. But what he worries about is Peter.

A big sigh of relief leaves his lips as he notices Peter slumping in a chair on the side.

Rio follows his gaze.

"Yeah," she says softly. "He didn't leave your side at all. I tried to get him to go home to sleep or eat, but nothing could convince him."

Miles feels horrible but at the same time, he's glad Peter is here. He's Miles's sure point, his solid rock, and now he really can believe everything will be fine. Well, after maybe one awkward talk.

Miles wants to say to his mom that he's sure she also didn't leave, or wants to ask how much he was out, but the tiredness washes him over. But this time he welcomes the dark like a warm embrace.

THEN - 2019

Miles runs to get the kit and supplies, hurries back, and they find a backroom they won't be bothered. Miles closes the door, so they won't be interrupted, and clears some space on a table. He tries not to think about how it'll be when he has to touch Spider-Man, because, urgh, teenage hormones. There is nothing better than getting an awkward boner while you are stitching up a friendly, neighborhood superhero. Sometimes Miles wonders how his life got to this point.

Miles pulls a bottle of dubious quality alcohol he found and offers it to Spider-Man in lieu of painkillers.

"Sorry," he says. "It's all I've found. I don't know if it would work for you or…" He doesn't know how his superhero metabolism works but he thinks it's worth a try.

Spider-Man shakes his head, and Miles raises an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, kid, no offense but I don't do alcohol."

"As in… it doesn't work on you or?"

"Oh, it works on me just fine but being a superhero on call has its downs. Apart from the obvious." He indicates his back. "Let's just say thwipping and drinking don't mix well."

Miles doesn't see his face but he can gather from his tone that there is some story here. A mistake he learned from, maybe. He doesn't pry, just tries to focus on his work: cutting away the blood-soaked fabric, cleaning the wound.

"You know, I do have some practice," Miles notes, trying to distract Spider-Man, but also himself.

"Really?" Spider-Man sounds amused.

"Yeah, actually my dad…" His voice catches but he clears his throat. "He thought I should need more than basic first aid, so he taught me some more advanced level wound treating. My dad actually made me practice on my old stuffed animals." Miles smiles at the memory.

The silence that follows feels heavy. Miles didn't mention his dad to Spider-Man – not like they're talking that much – since… ever. He doesn't blame him per se, Miles knows he can't save everyone, but in parts, he feels that Spider-Man does blame himself: He sees it in the careful way he sometimes watches Miles when he thinks Miles doesn't notice.

Miles slides in the suture needle and waits for a hiss of pain from Spider-Man but nothing comes. Must be pretty used to being banged up and patched up.

"That's… kind of adorable," Spider-Man notes, his voice catching. "I'm sure he would be proud of your needlework too. You certainly saved me now."

NOW - 2021

The next time Miles wakes up, Peter is still there, though his mom is nowhere to be seen. Which is right, he thinks, he wouldn't want her to spend all her time cooped up here, thinking the worst things. Sure, Miles has some super-healing, but he's not invincible.

When Miles opens his eyes, Peter immediately tenses up.

"I'm so sorry," Pete says.

Miles wants to stop him from apologizing but he can't even get out a word from the sandpaper dryness of his throat. He clears his throat, and Pete must see what he needs because he goes and pours a glass of water, he even gets a straw to go with it.

Miles tries to sit up, wincing at the pain – better than it was but sure he's not gonna be swinging anytime soon –, and takes a few sips in the awkward silence. He's burning with the desire to touch Pete, to hold him, to tell him everything, but his head is still a mess and he doesn't know where to start. So he goes with, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I wasn't there." Pete's expression is one full of anguish.

"Yeah, well, you were saving those pesky civilians." Miles tries to lighten the mood, but Pete's face only gets more scrunched up with guilt. "It's in the job description, Pete, you knew it back then when you tried very much not to train me."

Peter smiles ruefully at the memory.

"You were pretty stubborn. Fuck, you are stubborn even now. I…" Pete's voice catches. "I hate to see you like this. I guess this was also MJ's problem with me being Spider-Man."

And now they're back on topic, there goes Miles's stalling to get some time to strategize. He can see now why Peter is afraid: because they're both living in danger and they won't stop, it's not in their blood to be safe, and only care about each other. They both put everyone else before them, and it's a push and pull that fucks up their own lives.

"I should go," Peter says before Miles can even add anything.

"Stay." Miles grabs for Peter's hand fast and winces at the pain radiating from his chest. Peter's skin is hot against his own, and he wishes Peter would put his hands on him again. But Peter pulls away as if he's burned.

"Please. I wanna talk." Miles is almost begging.

Peter looks everywhere but Miles and shifts uncomfortably, but at the end, he slumps in the chair. He folds his hand under his arms as if to restrain himself from touching Miles.

"About that kiss…" Miles hesitates, looking at Pete's reaction which is widening eyes and utter and sheer panic.

"I'm sorry." Peter stumbles over his words in a hurry. "I really shouldn't have done that."

"We agree to disagree. Dude, you realize I kissed you back? What, do you think that I'm just too polite to say no?" Miles raises an eyebrow.

Pete has the decency to look at least a bit embarrassed.

"I don't think it's a good idea… Us," Peter says, voice tight. "Look what happened." He waves in the general direction of Miles.

"Which has nothing to do with 'us,'" Miles replies, his voice going wobbly because he's just so damn tired. "And you know it."

Up until now Peter always let him in, as much as he could let anyone in, and now things shifted between them, it's like Miles changed categories in Peter's life. Now he went from the trusty side-kick (co-hero? co-worker?) to the damsel in distress. It seems Peter's over-protective self and some feeling of responsibility to always be Spider-Man are vying with the other part of him that wants a normal life.

"I-," Peter starts, but his phone buzzes, and doesn't stop. Peter checks it out, brows furrowing. "Sorry, an emergency," he mumbles, and he's already tensing up with the readiness to fight, not even looking at Miles.

Miles's stomach drops because this is what he was afraid of: Peter running away. And he doesn't know if he'll have the strength to catch up to him. But he's sure he'll try.

Miles's main problem apart from Pete not visiting at all is that he's bored. He's still bed-ridden, he has a few stitches – the official cover story was some mugging/stabbing, but if the doctors are suspicious about his faster healing or why Miles is not in a hospital, they politely don't ask.

Miles is restless, he wants to be out and about, and it's one of the longest times he took off from being Spider-Man, not counting the one after Phin and Roxxon. He's trying to read some comics Ganke got him but all it does is make him miss being a real-life superhero more.

Miles's seriously contemplating going for a run on rooftops and calculates how many painkillers he had, how risky it would be when Peter bursts into his room.

He looks disheveled, his shirt is misbuttoned as if he changed from his suit hurriedly, but most surprisingly he has a glass and a bottle of some liquor in his hands.

"Uhm, you know I'm on pain meds," Miles notes dumbfounded.

"It's not for you," Pete says, dragging a chair near to Miles's bed, and doesn't look at Miles as he pours himself a shot, eyes it doubtfully, then downs it. "I know it's cowardly, and it's ridiculous considering how many bad guys I can face but not this…" He waves between them awkwardly. "Luckily, I have shit alcohol tolerance, so it shouldn't take a lot."

"Liquid courage? Really? Am I that scary?" Miles jokes, but his heart squeezes inside his chest. And he's funnily reminded of the time when Peter showed up at his room slightly drunk, and oh, it makes a lot more sense now.

"Not you, but this whole… mess." Pete sighs, rubbing his face. "I'm a mess." Another sigh, another uncomfortable shift. "You of all people know how bad this job is with relationships." Peter winces at the last word. "I fuck up everything…"

"No, you…"

"Let me finish." Peter holds up one hand. "I do. We talked about this once, I can't stop being Spider-Man and it's not something that works well with relationships. I put you in even more danger."

"Really?" Miles has to laugh. "You realize that I have superpowers just like you? Whatever that kiss meant is not gonna change the fact that I'll keep running into danger the same as you. I thought that makes us equals."

"It's not that easy…" Peter echoes what Miles said back on the roof before getting attacked, and Miles has to laugh.

"Is it really about the Spider danger or something else?" Miles had this thought in the back of his mind for a while now. He knows Pete is okay with Miles being out and proud, but that's totally different than being in a same-sex relationship himself.

Peter pulls a blank face. "What else?"

"I'm a guy," Miles says. "Not to be a dick about it but I totally thought you're straight."

"Oooh, that, no. Definitely not a problem. Never really thought about it before, I didn't really have a reason to if that makes sense. Maybe I had crushes on guys before but I didn't really realize?" Miles can see how hard Peter is grasping at words, the alcohol really doing a number on him. "But. Not the point. The point being, Miles, it's not a crush. With you. I mean. I… want everything with you. The forever and always, the mushy things."

Miles has definitely the butterflies in his stomach now, and his mind just stops whirring and working. Everything comes up blank as Peter confesses his love to him.

"Your expression isn't very encouraging, you know," Peter says after a while.

Miles chokes out a laugh that in turn makes him wince as his stitches move.

"Sorry, I was pining after you for a while if you haven't noticed, and I'm just floored. I was hoping maybe you like me a little."

"A little," Peter says softly, and then seemingly something clicks in Peter's mind. "Pining after me?" He grins. "Oh, yeah, I like you a little, obviously, when I made an ass of myself because you wouldn't talk to me, and I showed up drunk at your place because I thought you could see I was pining after you. That it made you uncomfortable but you were just too kind to say anything and make it weird. Or weirder."

"If it makes you feel any better that week when I didn't show up at all? I turned invisible all the time. Randomly. Or half-invisible. I got a little emotional," Miles adds.

"Aw, adorable," Peter teases, and now he seems like a weight lifted from his shoulders, his eyes lighting up finally with that ever-optimistic sparkle that makes him shine like the Sun to Miles.

Miles leans toward Pete, and kisses him, it's only a light press of lips, but this whole thing feels like home. Miles's leg is still protesting against moving, so he draws back a bit, and leaves his forehead touching Peter's lightly, breathing in Peter's scent.

"Look, I get it's scary, the whole mess, but you know I understand being Spider-Man the best. And I want you, Peter."

Miles kisses Peter again, and though it starts out as something chaste, it soon turns hungry. Miles grabs Peter's shirt and wants to pull him closer, when…

He yelps in pain.

"Oh, fuck, sorry," Peter says, and pulls away from him fast.

"It's okay. I might need some painkillers though."

"No, you need to rest."

"But not alone," Miles adds, and he reaches out a hand to Peter, scooting away to make room for him.

Peter accepts the invitation, lays down next to him, and they find a position in which it doesn't hurt (much) to continue kissing and exploring each other.

THEN - 2019

They're at F.E.A.S.T. and Miles is walking to the back supply rooms when he sees Peter. There are some people around him, and though he's his usually cheerful self, Miles senses that something is off: in the way his shoulder tenses, and how his gaze shifts around.

Maybe because they spent a good deal of time together here, especially after the whole Devil's Breath debacle, he can read Peter pretty well. At first, he can't imagine why Peter would feel uncomfortable, and then he catches what they're talking about:

"Yes, May was so kind…"

"I remember when I once needed rent and she just…"

And Miles gets it in an instant. He still has days when reminiscing about his father tears into his barely healed wounds, and everything sharp and painful comes bubbling up to the surface, making him barely able to breathe. He sees that same overwhelmed feeling on Peter's face and acts on instinct.

"Hey, Pete," he says, forcing loud cheerfulness into his voice. "Sorry to butt in but I'd need help with picking up some stuff for the shelter we talked about? You still free?"

Peter catches up on that lie pretty fast – Miles can see his momentary uncertainty and then the sudden realization and relief.

"Yeah, sure, sorry." He smiles sheepishly at the gathered group. "I totally forgot I promised Miles I would help him."

Peter seems he can't wait to get out of the suffocating swarm of bodies, and falls in step beside Miles.

"Thanks," he murmurs, as they leave.

Peter places a hand on Miles's shoulder, and squeezes it, sending warmth through him.

NOW - 2021

They're still kissing, and damn, Miles is enjoying the feel and taste of Peter – he's drowning in him when the door opens again. Peter pulls away reluctantly, breathing heavy, eyes dark, and God, Miles could get used to this sight.

"Finally!" It's Ganke at the door, grinning from ear to ear. "Now you can't say you're hanging out with me like that."

Miles only groans and hides his face in his hands.

"Just stop, please," he says miserably, feeling his face heating up.

"Well, I'm guessing the moping is finally over," Ganke adds, as he plops down on the chair next to the bed.

"Definitely." Peter grins, a happy sparkle in his eyes.

"Anyway, if you want me to go…" Ganke hesitates as if he only processed just what he walked in on.

"Nah. He needs rest." Peter waves towards Miles, then a quick pause as he checks out the bag that Ganke brought. "Oh is that Black Stories?"

So, in the end, they play that stupid card games for hours, and even though Miles's pain is still there, and he's still out of commission for a while, he feels incredibly happy. Ganke laughing at his own silly jokes, Peter's warmth next to him, these are all the best parts of his life – he feels finally at home. Something clicks into place that he didn't even know he missed all this time.

This is what makes the bad days better. It doesn't completely balance the darkness of losing people or the guilt of not being able to save everybody, but it's a great start. It's hope.

"You're right, maybe you should go," Miles says later that day when Ganke left and they're alone again.

For a split second, Peter's expression is full of panic, "Oh, if you don't want me here…" but stops when he notices Miles grinning.

"Let's be real," Miles adds lightheartedly. "I don't think I can manage the night with you being here, and not rip my stitches up." He pauses to think. "I mean I could try to re-sew them."

A quick succession of emotions flit through Peter's face: shock, worry, happiness.

"Dear God, Miles, no," Peter says as if he really thinks Miles is capable of sewing himself up. Which he is, admittedly, he has enough practice thanks to their job, but he's not that horny to deliberately fuck up his stitches. Not yet, anyway.

"I'm just gonna be sitting here, admiring my boyfriend, absolutely not creepily, I might add."

The word boyfriend hits Miles like a brick, making his heart race and his mouth dry. It makes the whole thing real and tangible, something that makes it clear there's no going back from this.

"Is that what we are now then?" Miles asks. "Boyfriends?"

"Well, I'm sure I don't just lay around in anybody's bed making out with them, thank you very much. What do you think of me? I'm a very respectable person," Peter retorts fake indignantly. "But," he adds much softer and sounds again painfully uncertain, "whatever you want, Miles, I don't want to rush things or..."

Miles has to snort.

"Yeah, I think I made that pretty clear what I want." Miles reaches out and Peter lets himself be tugged next to him on the bed. "And there's no such thing as too fast," he adds, and kisses Peter deeply, reaching under Peter's shirt to feel his warm skin.

Peter grabs Miles's wrist, stopping him and breaking the kiss.

"Nope, you're resting."

"I can rest while you don't have any clothes on." Miles raises an eyebrow, and Pete gets visibly flustered.

"You're a monster, Miles. No one's getting naked, especially not in an emergency backroom at F.E.A.S.T."

Miles fake pouts, which only makes Peter laugh.

"I'll behave," Miles promises. "Or I'll try to."

Peter fusses with Miles's pillows, then Miles curls up next to him. Even if he has super-healing, he feels suddenly tired and doesn't want to think about what would have happened if he's not this sturdy.

He listens to Peter's steady heartbeat and breathing, and lets his warmth wash away all the cold and dark thoughts. They fit perfectly together, and Miles enjoys the feeling of safety, of being where he really belongs.

THEN - 2019

After they do pick up some stuff for the shelter – as made up that list might be, they'd have both felt bad for getting back empty-handed – they end up getting pizza together.

"I know I was inconsiderate back there," Peter says with a grimace, shoulders slumping, and nudging his third slice around the plate. "But I just can't…" He waves around.

"Dude, I get it," Miles replies. "You don't need to explain it to me." Miles understands it on a deep gut level, because his wounds are still fresh from losing his father.

"Sometimes I feel the same way." Miles sighs. "I know it's probably selfish but I just feel I am the one who lost my father and not anyone else. All I can focus on is my pain, his absence from my life."

They don't talk about it more but somehow he feels that the sharp taste of grief gets duller with Peter next to him.

NOW - 2021

When Miles wakes up, Peter is still there, even though he dreaded the whole last day was a dream. But happiness is bubbling up inside him as he watches Peter's sleepy face next to him. His mussed hair is straight-up adorable.

"Hey," Miles says, and draws Peter closer, kissing him.

Miles could really get used to every morning starting like this, and right now, things are looking up. Up until… A door opens, and it's not a doctor at the door but…

Rio. Oh well, it's not exactly how he wanted to tell his mom the news, that's for sure.

"Hey, mom," Miles says, while Peter's voice sounds tiny from under Miles: "Good morning, Mrs. Morales."

Rio's only reaction is a few slow blinks then she's back in her usual mom mode.

"At least you're getting better, mijo, good to see," she says as a way of greeting, smiling.

Peter and Miles untangle themselves, Peter tries to surreptitiously yank his clothes back in order, his ears and face burning up a particularly nice shade of red.

"I'm gonna go get coffee. Right," he mumbles and goes for the door.

Rio looks after him for a second, then turns back to Miles.

"Oh, honey." She sighs.

"'Oh, honey' what?" Miles gets defensive, folding his arms in front of his chest unconsciously.

"At least now I understand the brooding now."

"I wasn't brooding."

Rio shoots a look at him.

"Okay," Miles holds up his hands. "Wasn't brooding that much."

He thinks now is the time when the uncomfortable age subject will be brought up because he very well knows Peter is older than him. He still remembers when he was a high schooler with an awkward crush on Spider-Man, but it's different. He's different.

He's not that little naive kid anymore, and yeah, he might be still young and figuring his life out, but he can't imagine his life without Peter: his steady rock, his partner in every way. Maybe they'll grow into different directions, but as cheesy as it sounds their spider-powers web them together in more ways than one.

"I'm glad to see you two worked things out," Rio says at the end. "Though I'm gonna be honest, I was not really expecting this."

"Is it a bad surprise?" Miles risks asking this question, and Rio's eyes soften.

"Oh, no." She settles down on his bed. "I'm sure he'll make you happy, Miles. But I'm still gonna worry." She touches his face, and he leans into her. "As much as I worry about you being out there." Before Miles could say anything, his mom shushes him. "Shh, I know, you're Spider-Man and I wouldn't change a thing, I know it's your own path you have to follow, but I also know how much you'll be worrying about him. Now even more. I just fear some days it's gonna be hard."

And Miles remembers all that time when it felt like Death himself was following him around, touching everything he loved and cared for. All those near misses with Pete, everything else Miles lost: his father and Phin.

"But isn't that the same thing you had with dad?" Miles asks softly, trying to keep his voice from wavering. "It was worth it, wasn't it?"

Rio hugs him tightly but is mindful of Miles's stitches, and Miles lets his mom hold him for a while, finding comfort in family.

"Of course it was."

Miles is finally well enough to recuperate at home – he's still banned from Spider duty, and reluctantly he agrees, mostly because Peter threatens to web him up, and also he's fussing around Miles. Right now he's cooking dinner, in a pink Spider-Man apron no less (a gift from Ganke to Miles because Ganke finds it incredibly funny whenever he can get his best friend his own merchandise.)

"You look hot cooking," Miles says, and leans to the counter, looking at Peter chopping tomatoes.

"Tell me that when I burned down your kitchen." Pete smiles, and this scene is so fucking disgustingly domestic, but nothing could make Miles happier.

In the end, Peter manages to burn only the sauce a little, but Miles takes full responsibility for that. After all, he was the one distracting him with a kiss.

THEN - 2019

It takes a few months after the spider bite until Miles's powers start to manifest. First Miles doesn't really believe it's true – he fantasized about being super-powered one too many times – but it gets real after an hour spent awkwardly trying to get unstuck from his keyboard.

Of course, first things first, he shares the news with Ganke because he's his best friend, and how cool is it to suddenly develop the superpowers of your favorite hero? They're already planning superhero names, Miles doesn't even think about not following in Spider-Man's footsteps and helping people.

But later, he decides maybe it's time to get an adult's advice because let's face it, he still needs some guidance, he's still only a teenager.

When he helps Peter move into his newly renovated home, it's awkward at first because he stumbles on the words, which turns the whole debacle into an even more awkward situation when Peter thinks this whole thing is about puberty.

"No, not that," Miles says, and he adds: "It's better if I just show you."

Peter is momentarily panicked, Miles hears it in his voice when he stutters out: "That's really not necessary." And what does Peter think, really, that Miles would start stripping?

Instead, he jumps up, all agility and grace, and sticks to the ceiling. In his mind, he's relieved it worked this easy, and not like some messes he left in his own room.

He expects Peter to be a little freaked out, but he knows deep down he's the only other person he can trust with this. And then something even more surprising happens, Peter mimics him perfectly and lands on the ceiling with practiced ease.

"It's not that weird," Peter replies, smiling.

Miles's heart fills with happiness, a real heady feeling, making him light-headed. And then he realizes two things at the same time: One, he's not alone and he can get real help with his power from Spider-Man himself. The second? That his awkward, sexuality awakening crush is none other than one of his friends. And, boy, will it make things more difficult.

NOW - 2021

Miles is soon web-swinging again, Peter still hovers around him of course, but mostly Miles finds his presence comforting. Pete doesn't hold him back but wants to be sure Miles is 100% back in the game. Which is okay with Miles because, well, he can ogle his boyfriend in a tight suit, which is a damn fine view.

After a patrol – nothing too interesting or hard, just your run-of-the-mill bank robbing, car stealing, and the usual gunman – they end up back at Pete's, cleaning their usual scrapes and scratches, and changing back into civilian clothes.

Miles is wandering around Pete's bedroom - it's still the definition of mess - while Pete is showering.

When Pete joins him finally, Miles kisses him, and it's only a brush of lips, nothing more, he doesn't really intend to turn this into more. Oh, God, yes he craves it, but since their heated rooftop make-out session, it's like a wall has been built around that subject. Miles suspects Pete is trying to "not rush things," and well, up until now Miles was still recovering.

So it comes as a surprise when the kiss deepens, and Miles tangles his fingers into Pete's hair, Peter is the one whose hands start to wander under Miles's shirt, tugging his clothing off.

Miles moans at Peter's touch, and Peter stops suddenly and pulls away.

"Is it okay?" Peter asks, breathing ragged.

Miles laughs and grabs Peter by the waist to pull him in.

"Yes." Miles reaches for Peter's belt. He's not inexperienced even if he didn't have a lot of long or steady relationships, and he waited so much to see and touch Peter, he's too eager to get him naked.

But Peter grabs his wrists and stops him. "Not yet." Peter's mischievous grin sends a shiver down Miles's spine, and yes, makes him achingly hard.

"Let me," Peter says, then he kisses Miles, deep and hungry.

Peter slides his hands down on Miles's body under his shirt, and his light touches ignite Miles's skin. Peter slowly teases Miles, tracing his fingers down on his stomach, stopping only at the edge of his waistband.

Peter moves a little away, kisses down Miles's jawline and neck, making Miles moan, and arch into Peter's touch.

"Should I?" Peter breathes onto his skin, while his fingers are playing with the waistband of Miles's boxers.

"Fuck, yes," Miles says, breathing ragged, and his reaction makes Peter chuckle.

Miles gasps as Peter's fingers close around his cock, and all he can think about is how fucking good it feels. But after a few strokes, Peter pulls away.

"Tease," Miles breathes.

"That I am," Peter says and gets Miles's shirt off with ease. He kisses down in a line along his chest, abs, and in the end, he's kneeling in front of Miles.

That scene takes Miles's breath away: Peter's eyes darkened with desire, looking up at him with a kind of need Miles never thought to see on his face.

And well, all he can do is gasp and moan when Peter shows him what a tease he can be with his mouth.

After, when they're lying next to each other in bed, Pete has a happy grin on his face. Miles is lost in the view of how beautiful Peter looks, all that tight muscle and soft skin, and how different Peter is when he's really carefree and happy. (And there was a time when this was a rare sight.)

"You know, I didn't think this would happen," Pete says, pulling Miles closer to him. "Us."

"Well, honestly, I wouldn't have thought about it when we first met either," Miles jokes. Because, yes, he had his daydreams about his favorite superhero, but that wasn't anything real, only the hormone-fueled desires of a teenager.

It still makes Pete grimace, "No, I-I…" he stammers, and his face turns red. "I didn't even think about you like that then. You were just a kid."

Miles laughs.

"Oh, but let me tell you about my very embarrassing crush on a certain superhero. If I'd thought I had a chance to sleep with Spider-Man back then… Oh, man."

The split second of shock on Peter's face is priceless, and Miles can't help but laugh again.

"You should see your face. The shock, the horror," Miles teases him mercilessly.

"Well, now I'm hurt." Peter smiles. "Groupie. I'm starting to think you only slept with me because of the suit."

Miles nuzzles into Peter's neck, and after a long silence, he asks what he didn't dare up until now, but he might as well tackle this issue now.

"Does my age bother you?"

The question hangs between them heavily for what seems like an eternity.

"I'm not gonna lie, at first I felt weird to have feelings for you, Miles." Peter sighs. "We met when you were just a kid… A kid who lost his father because of…"

"Don't you dare say because of you," Miles interrupts him, and he doesn't see but can feel Peter shooting a look at him.

"Well, when I realized how I feel about you, it didn't sit well with me, thinking back on how we met and when. And I'm your mentor…"

"Aw, old man, you were my mentor," Miles teases, then adds, "I mean I know I'll never be the OG Spider-Man and all that but…"

"Miles, no more of that self-doubting stuff."

"Look who's talking."

"Anyway," Peter says, "I mean you are great and amazing as Spider-Man and you should know that."

Miles feels his face heating up because of course Peter is unabashed with complimenting him. Miles knows he still has doubts about being good enough, especially at this job, but he could always count on Peter to encourage him.

"So what you're trying to say, I hope, that now we're equals," Miles says.

"Equals," Peter echoes.

"Joking aside." Miles props himself up on his arm to look Pete in the eyes. "I hope you know that I love you, not because of some silly hero worship thing I had as a kid… I love you, Peter Parker, the fun, nerdy guy, and I also love you as Spider-Man, the one who never gives up and is always out there, helping people. Because you're both." And he leans up to kiss Peter.

It's really true for both of them, there is no Miles or Peter without Spider-Man, they're both stuck with these powers and the responsibilities that come with them. And yeah, it makes having relationships or a normal life hard, but they have each other. And maybe that's why Miles can't imagine a future where they're not together, like perfectly fitting pieces of a puzzle.