Returning to Hogwarts Emerick and Claudia headed straight back to their dorms not having the mood or energy for anything other than sleep.
The next day, after classes finished for the day, they were summoned to Professor Horsewood's office and escorted there by the Caretaker Mrs. Alison in her steady wobbly stride and emotionless expression.
Claudia still felt out of it from her experience with drinking from Styx the day before and Emerick had a look about him as if he were trying to figure out what he had done wrong that deserved a trip to the Headmistress' office.
Entering it after climbing up the gargoyle-guarded stairs they saw Felix, Ethel, Uriel, and Ariana gathered around Professor Horsewood's office talking to Professors Hudson and Jordan.
"Are we in trouble? Has another war started?" Emerick asked, fear visible in his eyes and tone.
"Not at all, Mr. Stalward", Professor Horsewood tried to reassure him. "Please do come in, take a seat and relax, nothing is wrong, and you are not in trouble."
Claudia and the others each sat in one of the armchairs in the middle of the room while Felix stood in front of them next to Professor Horsewood her hands in front of her lap his by his sides.
"I told you I had an idea", Felix started. "I want us, and I mean anyone student or faculty, who wants to consider either individual or group therapy. Emerick's reaction wasn't the first and it won't be the last one. At least not for the next six or seven years or so until all who were involved in the last battle graduate, and then there's our lives beyond school to consider. So, I want us to begin to heal."
"Magi-therapy…I'm not keen on the idea of talking to a shrink…but okay", Uriel replied first breaking the silence.
"We are kids and teenagers but at the same time most of us are war veterans. Our trauma isn't something that's gonna be fixed with a cuppa tea and a hug. The need to seek professional aid doesn't make us crazy or invalid", Felix tried to assuage his friends' fears.
"I sure feel like it sometimes…why should I be alive when so many others died? Some of them right in front of my eyes by killing curses meant for us…" Emerick whispered, unsure if he wanted to be heard or not.
Professor Horsewood sat next to him placing a hand on his shoulder. "Mr. Stal…Emerick, take it from me, you are given a chance to live a life without survivor's guilt. I urge all of you to take it this year rather than in your forties and fifties after a broken life. A life of guilt is no life at all. Please accept the help that is given."
"I don't want to live feeling like this anymore…will it help with that?" Emerick looked at her, eyes ready to burst.
"Maybe not at first, but yes it is supposed to if one puts their mind to it."
"I'm in", Claudia announced with little hesitation.
"Yeah…me too I guess, have to at least give it a try", Uriel said with Ariana squeezing his hand and nodding in agreement.
"No, I really don't want to do it, but I also don't want to live like this…" Emerick nodded.
"I imagine the magi-therapist isn't going to do this out of the goodness of their hearts?" Uriel commented lying back on the armchair, more relaxed.
"That's covered, Mr. McCormack, me, my mum, and Professor Horsewood will board a foundation which will dispense the Gaunt family fortune to the victims of my family's war, this will be part of that effort. So, any students incapable of paying the fee themselves, we have it covered", Felix pipped in.
"Well, okay then. When do we start?" Uriel shrugged.
"I'll finalize what's left of the finer details and make an announcement, most likely before dinner tomorrow", Professor Horsewood replied standing up.
She had a way, Claudia noticed, to let them all know there was nothing left to discuss, and they could leave her office without actually speaking a word. Claudia admired her calm yet commanding silence.
They exited her office each with their own mixed feelings, hands in their pockets, minds lost in their own microcosm.
"What's your feelings on this one?" Uriel asked Felix, looking up a few paces down the corridor.
"I think that I have not had a good, uninterrupted night's sleep since long before I can remember and I really want to change that radically if I am to not only maintain my sanity, not implode but to also have a half a remote chance of leading a happy, healthy life. My feelings? I don't like this anymore than either of you, letting someone in my mind like that, but not unlike our fight with Azrail and the Governors sometimes we must do the difficult thing, take the tough road ahead to hope to improve things for ourselves and others. But also like then we have each other through this and we'll face this challenge ahead together."
"Yes, we will" Uriel nodded solemnly.
"Aye", Emerick tried to break a meek smile.
"Yes", said Ethel and Ariana.
"Indeed" Claudia passed a hand around his.
"Now, if only it was that easy to find purpose…now that my family is no longer amongst the living. It is proving vastly more difficult than I'd like to admit.", Felix sighed.
"No idea what you want to do after school? For work I mean?" Ethel asked him.
"None whatsoever. For one thing I honestly didn't believe I was going to survive the war, then I was so consumed with finding out about Azrail and the Old Gods' ite…spells that little else mattered. And now, the war is over, we are victorious and alive, the research is concluded, and I find myself adrift and without purpose. Even studying doesn't feel the same anymore…"
"Not that you need to study, babe", Claudia teased him.
"Right…who needs good grades in NEWTs", he teased back.
"I think what Claudia means is that you can not study anything, and you will still get Outstanding on everything regardless", Emerick joined in.
"With absolute certainty", Uriel agreed.
"Perhaps…thank god I have Quidditch and the dueling tournaments to look forward to or I'd probably go crazy…" Felix sighed with a shrug.
"You've never shown any interest in dueling before…I mean other than Azrail", Emerick looked interested in his friend's apparent change of attitude towards Hogwarts' Dueling Tournament.
"I may not have participated but from year three on I've never missed a single game."
"I've not seen you there?"
"No, no one did except for Professor Jordan who figured it out, in any case I am participating this year, and I intent to win."
"And Laurence said something about you leading the chess club in the international school tournament that Hogwarts will host this year?" Ethel inquired.
"Need to keep busy and Hogwarts hasn't won it in ages."
"Sooooo you were saying about purpose?" Ethel snorted.
"Mere distractions, creative ones, but not purpose. I'll catch up with you guys later" Felix went about his way lost in thought and they headed for the library.
For the next few days, all the school could talk about was the Headmistress' announcement the night after. Felix had expected the students to have been skeptical or negative at the idea and was pleasantly surprised when the bulk of everyone above year four registered for it before the night was out.
So, the week after the announcement Felix knocked on the door of what had previously been an unused classroom on the first floor.
"Yes, enter", a female voice said.
Felix entered the classroom to find Claudia sitting in one of the chairs forming a circle around the center of the room.
"Hello, you must be Felix Burton, please come in", she told him with a neutral yet pleasant face pointing at the chairs.
Felix studied her guessing she must have been in her forties, tall with long black hair and piercing blue eyes. From the very first moment he somehow knew he could trust her.
"I am, you must be Elisabeth Cross", he replied feeling awkward, and unsure of what to do with his hands.
"I am indeed, please feel free to take a seat."
"Yes, ma'am", he took a seat right next to Claudia, threading his fingers with hers in search of comfort.
"I am not one of your Professors, Felix. You can call me by my name as formalities are useless in this room", she told him not in accusation but assurance.
"Yes, ma…Mrs. Elisabeth", he tried to give her a trying smile without much success.
A few minutes later one by one arrived Ethel, Emerick, Uriel and Ariana taking their seats.
Last sat Elisabeth who crossed one knee over the other, the only one seemingly relaxed. "Welcome everyone. Some things I have to mention before we start. First thing is you are not obliged to talk, you can sit in silence if that makes you comfortable or you can talk about the weather or even do homework. There are no correct or wrong things one can say during a session, it is not about validity it is about emotion and consciousness. We are here to make sense of your world of emotions and feelings and see what lies beneath the surface that could be impeding your happiness, personal development or just makes you depressed. You have all been through some exceedingly traumatic experiences, but the hope is through your work here you can reach a point where you can remember something that's happened without having to relive the pain and suffering associated with that memory."
"And the guilt? Can we forget that?" Emerick asked, looking at the floor, wiggling around in his chair, fidgeting his thumbs together as if they had to do something and he knew not what.
"Why would you ever want to forget? The goal here isn't to forget, but to come to terms with what's happened to each of you, accept the unchangeable past and through that find a measure of peace of mind. Guilt can be very deeply rooted and therefore harder to undo, but impossible it is not, it just requires a bit of will force (power?). What you say in here will stay in here unshared with the outsider world and you can speak freely without fear of judgement. In here you are safe. One last thing, perhaps cliché but needs saying nonetheless, this is not going to be a 'magical' solution, it won't be simple or quick and will most likely feel a lot worse before it gets any better."
"Why not use legilimancy or obliviate on us? Each of us? That could have quick results", Uriel blurted out, a look of hope in his eyes, as if a solution existed she had not thought of that could make this a speedy process, relieving him of the need to talk about things he did not want to.
"Invade minds and forcefully alter memories? Since when has invasion of privacy and violation of mind helped anyone heal? There are no shortcuts, Uriel. But, given energy, force of will and time you can repair what damage has been done to you", she replied calmly yet firmly.
"I guess you have a point there…" Uriel mumbled.
"How does this work?" Ethel asked apprehensively.
"Well, you will mostly do the talking, just start talking and the rest will follow suit, but sooner or later if you put your back into this it should revolve around emotions, events and how they made you feel? And why you think that is, why and how it might be making your life more difficult, cause you panic attacks, stress and so on. Others in the support group can add something if they have something to say or suggest and I am here to help steer the ship as it were and help guide you towards the desired outcome until you are ready to command the helm", she answered in the same professional, pleasant tone.
"So, if I've understood this right, you are not going to heal us, but rather allow us to go through the process to understand why we deserve to heal?" Felix asked.
"Something like that, although I'm going to be a more involved than that. Shall we start? Any more questions?"
They nodded, each feeling like they wanted to bolt for the door in different intensity, yet their minds would not obey their legs.