The school grounds filled with brown and yellow leaves as another winter approached and cold northerly winds made students hold their overcoats tighter.
Felix entered the Great Hall instantly, even after seven years, scanning the whole room for everyone's location and exit points making it look like he was just walking to his seat in the Hufflepuff table.
He saw Uriel and Ariana sitting in one end of the Slytherin table, far away from Anneke and her cohorts on the other side near the Professors' table. Anneke sat emotionless while her sycophants doused her in praises.
Alfred and William sat with their friends in their Houses' tables, but both noticed him entering the Great Hall and waved at him.
Emerick sat in the Ravenclaw table talking to his girlfriend and Claudia sat with Ethel in the Hufflepuff table talking.
Felix sat next to Claudia kissing her, eyeing the Slytherin table.
"She is strangely silent this year, I do not like it", Claudia voiced, looking at what he was gazing.
"Anneke? Surely we possess better ways to pass the time?" Felix replied looking at her.
"Sure, I still don't like it", Claudia humphed.
Anneke heard something coming from her left, her head snapping to the owner of the voice.
A faint smile adorned Felix's lips. "Check", his attention going back to Claudia. "Let me worry and let us focus on merrier subjects."
"Sounds promising, what did you have in mind?" She teased.
"Well I have some ideas for after classes end for the day", he teased back.
"You are a tease, that's what you are."
"Oh, shush you like it."
"Maybe", she blushed a faint crimson with a mouth half full on her crumpet, coffee mug empty next to her hand.
Felix stood leaving behind his semi-full bowl of cereal taking her gently by her free hand.
"I've not finished my breakfast yet", she told him perplexed yet amused.
"You have a mug of coffee, a crumpet and a muffing for breakfast", he conjured a lemon curd muffin offering it to her. "You've already finished the first two, like this you can finish the third on the way to Transfiguration, so we can talk some."
"Oh, you like to talk?" She teased him again.
"Of course, I like hearing your voice", she stood up.
"Thank you, I like my voice as well."
"Cheeky", Felix chuckled.
"Indeed, I do have cheeks."
"Beautiful cheeks, yes", he made eye contact with her, piercing her eyes.
"And I like hearing your voice as well, and how gentle and affectionate you are", she gave his hand a squeeze.
"Ah, good to know, I have some redeeming qualities about me."
"Humpf, don't let it go to your head", she replied smugly exiting the Great Hall with him.
Felix laughed, his shoulder-length hair waving behind him.
"I thought I knew what exhaustion meant but I've never seen anyone as tired as your Quidditch team", three weeks of daily multi-hour training sessions had taken their toll.
"They can take it, we are down to half the amount of games from the last six years, and I don't want anything to go wrong."
"Take care you don't exhaust them too much so that their performance takes a hit."
"Indeed", Felix nodded passively as if Claudia was preaching to the choir.
"Lisa's out for blood, she won't hesitate to exploit tiredness as well, you know that."
"She will, and when she grabs that seemingly tasty irresistible, innocent looking morsel I am going to turn the tables on her and annihilate her."
"This will be her last chance to do much of anything, defeat you or take the Cup for Slytherin", Claudia persisted.
"One girl's drama will most certainly be another House's elation."
"You are definitely feeling more competitive this year…"
"Azrail's gone, the war's over and I realize that everything I've done up to this point has been a form of resisting my family. So, now I find myself constantly doubting and rethinking everything and whether I've doing, wanting, thinking something because I've wanted it as an expression of me or as a means to annoy, enrage and resist my family", Felix paused for a moment. "So far two things in my mind are absolutely certain. I have to redo and rethink everything and decide who I really am and want to be now that certain death is not in my immediate future."
"And the second thing?" Claudia asked, both hopeful and apprehensive.
"You are the only person I'm crystal clear on. I love you and I can't live without you", He told her in a loud, clear voice, in complete apathy of who was near or might be listening.
The answer took Claudia by surprise making her stutter something incomprehensible for a second or two. "I love you too, what about your family?"
"I love them as well, no doubt about it, but not how I love you."
"Yeah…" Claudia clamped up, swallowing.
They took their seats at the front of the Transfiguration classroom, Professor Hudson starting the lesson on Human and cross species transfiguration basics moments after.
It was still stranger, to many, seeing him be this new polite, considerate, and funny Professor, with Norman either in his lap or following him closely.
"It's weird…why is he polite and interesting all of a sudden?" A Gryffindor boy whispered to his mates leaving the classroom after the lesson had finished.
"Because he is no longer tormented by his past trauma", Felix couldn't help but interject.
"And I suppose we have you to thank for that?" A Ravenclaw girl 'accused' him jokingly.
"I might have helped a tad", Felix suppressed a laugh.
"Much more than a little", Ethel mumbled.
"More, or less, it doesn't matter. A bad situation has been remedied", he took Claudia's hand again leaving.
After morning classes were over, he opted for them to go for a walk along the lake shore instead of getting lunch in the Great Hall. The weather had chilled considerably but the plethora of colours from the leaves on the ground along with the sun setting earlier made it for a great romantic spot as they gazed behind them and the castle atop its hill towering protectively above them.
Felix had come to love these small walks with Claudia, just the two of them talking and laughing.
Three classes later they sat in the therapy group with Elisabeth and the others.
This had been the ninth session Ethel had not spoken a single line, Emerick seemed to never stop talking and Uriel did not speak much but was always very emotional when he spoke. Ariana displayed different sides of herself and issues during each session and Claudia was the most restrained of them all, talking without actually saying much.
"I do not know how I'm supposed to feel…" Felix started saying feeling fidgety. "On the one side all the abusive elements of my life have been…removed, I can be happy now, learn not to loathe myself. On the other hand I have this nagging 'voice' in my head telling me of all Azrail's and Cillian's victims and how they must be feeling right about now, their loved ones dead, their lives ruined…how can I not be sad about that?"
"Why must we…you have guilts over Azrail's actions?" Ethel asked, speaking for the first time in a session in three weeks.
"I don't…" Felix was cut off again.
"Yes, you do. We all do, isn't that a big part of why we're doing this? We all have different kind of guilts in different measure", Ethel replied, her voice rising in volume and emotion.
"What do you think you have guilts over, Ethel?" Elisabeth asked her.
"I…I don't know…I guess…" there was a long pause that the others did not dare disturb seeing Ethel finally beginning to open up. "I guess…part of me wishes I could have done more and part…part of me wishes I had never been involved at all in the first place and then I start to think what a horrible person I am, wanting to not have met Felix, not have helped him…and I just get more and more internally violent with each thought."
"Such thoughts are normal, though, in all human beings. Especially when one has fought in a war. Call it survival instinct or what will you, but we all wish we did not have to suffer or participate in something as horrendous as actual warfare."
"What then is hidden behind that guilt? Why do I have those thoughts?" Ethel asked, sorrow takin anger's place.
"Did you lose anyone you cared about?" Elisabeth asked.
"Friends…yes, but not family or anyone that would be part of this group."
"Loss expresses herself in a multitude of ways, unreasonable guilt can be part of it. A lot of times what our minds want to not deal with turns around as guilt."
"So…I'll always have to carry this with me?" Ethel asked again, sorrow turning into fear.
"When you walk, do your feet not always carry your torso and head? Do you feel that a burden?" Elisabeth asked in turn.
"No…? I don't even feel their 'weight'", Ethel had no idea where Elisabeth was heading with this line of inquiry but something in her told her it was not a bad thing.
"Then, perhaps one day you might come to not feel this as a burden either. We all carry the sum of our experiences, but it does not have to be a burden. Not that that transfiguration is easy to achieve mind you."
"Yes, because all other transfiguration is easy….don't you start!" Claudia replied, pointing her right index finger prohibitively at Felix who was all too ready and eager to reply.
Everyone laughed, including Ethel and Elisabeth.
"Well, this was a nice session, folks, we'll pick up in two days' time", Elisabeth told them, uncrossing her knees, and standing up.
"Good evening", Uriel left with Ariana and a nod.
They left the classroom turned therapy room, following Felix down to the dungeons and the dueling club's chamber. A large rectagonal room with an elevated ring that had replaced the more traditional also rectagonal arena. Blue flame torches lit the room.
Professor Jordan sat on the circular, elevated ring with an enchanted quill taking notes of who wanted to participate in this year's Hogwarts' Dueling Tournament.
Alfred had already registered his participation, as had Jason and Gregory Stubornface and several other students from years three to seven.
Anneke was giving her Dueling nickname to Professor Jordan when Felix and the others entered the room.
Felix walked up to Professor Jordan when a sixth year Slytherin girl got in his way. "You? Interested in dueling?" She asked him in a look of disdain.
"Indeed, why not? I think I did pretty well last summer…"
"Never have before."
"I may not have participated before, but I've never missed a single tournament as a spectator, except for year four that I wasn't here."
"I've not seen you as a spectator either."
"You've not seen Outstanding as a mark either, doesn't mean they don't exist", he turned his gaze to Anneke who turned pale and quickly tried to get lost in the crowd, without replying.
Alfred had registered as Avenging Lion, not the most creative of names Felix thought, and Jason as Evocurse with Anneke as ConflictQueen.
Felix could tell everyone's' eyes were on him, but he was no longer affected by it. "Deathbane", he told Professor Jordan who seemed surprised Felix had moved on from year five's Angelbane.
"So registered", Professor Jordan announced in a clear, loud voice.
When everyone interested in participating in the event Professor Jordan stood up on the elevated ring so that everyone could both hear and see him. "The Qualification rounds will be on the first week of December and the finals the week after Christmas break. A more detailed schedule and instructions will be sent out to those participating within the next week", He told them before getting down and leaving.
The chamber started to empty of students all gossiping over those who had decided to participate.
Liam who had gone with his mates to check out who would register found Felix and the others climbing the stairs to the ground floor.
"She seriously just proxied this? I mean…." Ethel was saying.
"Many things she is, ConflictQueen ain't one of them", Felix snickered.
"Is anyone else stressed about NEWTs?" Claudia artfully changed the subject. "No, not you sweety", she pocked her tongue out at Felix.
"I'm not!" Liam chirped in. "Felix gave me detailed instructions on how to keep notes and study, by the time I reach year seven and NEWTs I'm not going to need to be stressed", he beamed.
"Yes, yes you will be!" Ethel and Claudia voiced simultaneously making Felix chuckle.