Febuwhump Day 11: Chronic Pain
Word Count: 593
Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl
Rating: K/G
Characters: Tim Marcoh
Warning: N/A
Summary: Tim Marcoh's face has been a source of pain for him for years.
Notes: Just a note that I do not personally believe that people who have chronic pain deserve it, have done something to deserve it, or that it should be viewed as some sort of punishment. However, I can absolutely see Marcoh feeling that way about his own pain.
Chronic Pain
Chronic pain was something that one learned to live with, Tim Marcoh had learned. Oh, it wasn't as if he hadn't experienced pain before. Everyone had, from the first time they fell as a baby until their dying breath, everyone had experienced pain. It wasn't even as if he hadn't experienced long-term pain before. He had broken bones a few times, gotten burned more than once, and, as he had gotten older, had experienced the aches and pains of age.
But chronic pain was different.
It was always there. It was always present. You were always slightly exhausted from it. Things that didn't hurt before, now hurt because of it, or those things made the pain flare up. Simple movement, drastic movements, different tasks, they would all affect the level of pain differently. Even when you were sleeping It was still there. You woke with it, worked with it, and slept with it. It was a constant companion, one that drained your energy and left you tired.
But even with all of that, Marcoh couldn't bring himself to hate his chronic pain. He couldn't do that, when he felt like he deserved it.
For years now, his face had stung and burned. Since the day that Scar had destroyed it, he had been living with pain from it. Mei had done her best to heal it up, but there were limits to alkehestry, and she hadn't been able to completely repair the damage. Marcoh hadn't minded. He had begged Scar to kill him. If this was what Scar chose instead, well, he wasn't going to object. Besides, at the time, he was a man on the run. It was a way to stay hidden better, and he certainly wasn't looking to impress anyone. It was hard to focus on the idea of romance when you were scared someone was going to come after you at any minute.
The pain had lasted, but he had thought, even with the pain he felt on his face in the mountains, that it was just because his face was still healing. It made sense. But the pain had never faded away. In fact, as the years had gone on, it had gotten worse in places.
His cheeks stung and burned if he stretched them too much. Some days that made it hard to speak, or to eat. Other days his face felt so stiff that he wasn't sure if he could get his mouth open in the morning. The areas around his eyes would often hurt too, as if there was pressure on them, or as if they were so numb that they hurt. Somedays the pain that flared through his face made him wonder if his face was about to stop working. Other days it was just a burning or stinging sensation that went just below skin deep and stayed there.
For ten years he'd been living with this pain. He hadn't told Mei. He hadn't told Scar. He hadn't told anyone about it. He had caused so much worse pain, that if this was what he had to live with, if this was what he had to deal with while he serves the Ishvalan people, he'd take it as part of his penance. He knew that there was nothing that he could ever do to make up for all that he had done. It wasn't possible. So, he took this as his own private penance, and accepted that he would live out the rest of his days in Chronic pain.
It was what he deserved.