I own nothing. Monika does. (Also, content warning for near the end. I don't think it's incredibly triggering, but I thought I should include this note for anyone who might need to hear it. There will be a depiction of suicide near the end.)
Ann sat in class the next day, anxious as she tapped a pencil against the surface of her desk and looked around the classroom. The empty seat behind her was not surprising, as she knew Akira was in hiding, but the empty seat to her right was incredibly nerve-wracking. Sayori hadn't come back to her apartment last night, and hadn't shown up in class… What if the school called Akechi because she was absent? What if Akechi, or someone else working for Shido, was the reason she was absent?
It certainly didn't help that Ann was in the classroom alone, without Akira, Morgana, or any other of her teammates to help her come up with an excuse for Sayori's absence. Ann was fidgeting like crazy, wondering what she was going to do as Miss Kawakami walked around the classroom, checking attendance.
"Maizono, Mishima, Nagao- Takamaki, please stop with the racket!" Kawakami interrupted herself as she went down her list. Ann let go of her pencil, sending it bouncing to the floor in surprise as she rushed to do what her teacher said.
"Sorry, Ms. Kawakami!" Ann apologized, rushing to pick up the pencil, before pausing as she reviewed her teacher's sentence over in her head. Maizono, Mishima, and then to Nagao…? But no Matsu? She didn't even ask about where Sayori has gone!" Ann bumped her head on the bottom of her desk as she came to the startling realization, releasing a painful grunt as she rubbed the top of her head and sat up normally.
Ann waited for Ms. Kawakami to finish taking attendance, before politely raising her hand until the teacher spotted her. "Yes, Takamaki-chan?" Kawakami asked, sounding more awake upon seeing a hand raised.
"Where's Sayori…?" Ann asked, wondering if that was really the right question to lead with. After all, asking why she hadn't called out for Sayori would make it sound like Ann thought the girl was there.
"Oh… Right, I forgot to mention. Similarly to Kurusu-kun, Matsu-chan has been excused from attending class for a few days. I received a note from one of the other faculty members that she needs to recover from a rather intense head cold," Kawakami replied, reading off of her excuse note with a skeptical expression.
That doesn't sound right at all. Akechi is the one whose signed permission slips, if I remember correctly, so could he have written such an obviously fake excuse note, too? Ann thought to herself, before shaking her head. Even though Ann knew it was fake, there was no way Akechi would have written down something so unconvincing.
When Kawakami began teaching the class, Ann quietly snuck her phone out of her pocket and began typing in the group chat, sad that there hadn't been anything new from Sayori at all.
"Guys, Sayori hasn't shown up in class either."
"The school got an excuse note saying she was sick."
Somehow, it only took a few seconds for the group chat to explode with texts, and Ann got the feeling even the others that were supposed to be in class couldn't pay attention either.
"What?! Did they say it was from Akechi?" Ryuji texted.
"I guess it would have to have his name on it actually excuse her… But I dunno. I don't think Akechi wrote it," Ann texted back.
"Maybe Sayori forged it?" Yusuke suggested. "She's probably had numerous opportunities to see his handwriting…"
"But would Sayori really go to all of that effort to skip school? She'd be the kind of person to just not show up," Futaba argued. "It would be impossible to check if the note was forged, though…"
"Give me a second," Akira replied. Ann looked up in surprise when she noticed Kawakami pause in her lecture to check her phone. The woman excused herself for a minute and began texting furiously, looking frustrated, before a hesitant, almost nervous expression appeared on her face. Ann was the only one watching her among the class that was now taking the chance to zone out, and could clearly see as Kawakami tried to sneakily take a picture of something on her desk.
Coincidentally, a few seconds later, Akira texted a photo of a signature, which was very obviously the bottom of a note about Sayori. "Supposedly, this is Akechi's signature. Futaba, maybe find a photo of his autograph online and compare the two?"
"On it!" Futaba quickly answered, not even bothering to question what Akira had just done.
"Regardless of if this was forged or not, I think we should try looking for Sayori. Just because it might not be Akechi, there are probably other people he works with that could have motive to kidnap and forge a signature," Makoto texted, her message long but her typing obviously fast as she was incredibly worried.
"I would suggest we first check on Akechi's apartment, but that might be too risky for us," Haru replied, before typing up more explanation. "If we go over there, we could run into him, and we couldn't ask Sojiro or Sae to do it, either…"
"Not to mention, we had all planned to go to the Diet Building today. FInding Sayori is very important, but so is stopping Shido from committing even more atrocious crimes," Yusuke responded.
":)" Akira's text came, before being followed by another quick, "Give me a second ;)"
"What's he going to do now?" Ann asked, nearly forgetting not to speak her text out loud as she waited to see what would happen.
"Hifumiiii!"
"HIFUMIII"
"Hifumi-chan!"
"What is it, Kurusu-kun? I'm in class."
Akira smirked to himself as his third teasing text finally got a response from his shogi-playing friend.
"Sorry, but it's urgent. I need you to visit my friend's house and check on her and her bf. Also, don't let the bf know I was the one who sent you. Could you do that after school and let me know what you found out?" Akira asked as he waited on his bed, Morgana absentmindedly curled up by the boy's side.
"You seem to be calling in a lot of favors, today," Morgana commented, yawning loudly. "Won't Hifumi be in danger, too?"
"She's famous. She could just ask the neighbors and they'd assume she and Akechi are doing an interview sometime soon. I don't like it, but it would be less dangerous for her then for us. Though I should also add that…"
"Actually, don't even go up to the apartment. Just ask the neighbors around the building…"
Hifumi took a long time to text, and Akira worried he had gotten her phone taken away in class. His fears were soon alleviated when the girl texted a moment later.
"This all sounds incredibly suspicious to me. Is this girl in some sort of abusive household? I get that you can't leave your home right now, and that you have a good heart, but I don't want to get myself involved in some domestic dispute."
Akira was slightly downtrodden, but decided to try one last time. "I'll respect your answer after this… but I could really use your help. The bf is Goro Akechi, and as an idol yourself, it wouldn't look suspicious if you showed up asking for him."
"Oh… That sounds like a rather heavy subject to pick at Goro Akechi… I have no idea what kind of person he is, but your request does not bode well… Would the girl you are referring to be the one on that weird tabloid all those months ago?"
"Yup."
"...I suppose I owe you a bit more for how you helped me out all that time ago. And if that's the girl you're asking for, it should be easy for me to ask around for you… But I won't stay longer than necessary."
"In and out. All I need. Thank you!"
Akira smiled in triumph as he finally sent a text to the group chat, explaining that he had asked for a friend to go and check on Akechi's apartment for him. He got the usual responses from everyone, commenting about how he somehow knew everyone, and all the while began to wonder if he should have someone accompany Hifumi just in case. Iwai… maybe? Better to be safe than sorry…
"Looks like you've got some calls to make," Morgana commented, standing up and stretching. "Iwai would be some good company. He'll keep Hifumi safe, and will probably also be concerned if you mention just the stuff you told her."
"Right," Akira agreed, continuing to go through his contacts in case he could think of anyone that would look less suspicious, or noticeable. I could also ask them both to pretend like Iwai is her bodyguard or something…
"While you're doing that, I'm going to go downstairs for some food from Boss. Make sure you're ready to visit the Diet Building tonight. You'll need something to hide your face," Morgana reminded him, before hopping off of the bed and trotting down the stairs.
The ebony-haired boy nodded in acknowledgement of what the cat said, at least somewhat happy that texting everyone was a way to spend his now much more dull days. Not to mention, Sayori was an important matter to him. With his confidant with her apparently broken, he had to figure out what was going on and make sure his friend was okay. He also felt the need to figure out what the hell was going on with Akechi.
Hifumi Togo had not expected to spend her afternoon this way, nor was she particularly happy about it. Getting involved in some domestic dispute, when she had just finally found a comfortable state of being in her own home, only served to stress her out. This stress was only worsened knowing this suspicious situation involved Goro Akechi. The famous detective was someone her mother had often talked about having her meet for an interview, and to know that he might be anything less than a morally sound person made her worry for her future, even if the Phantom Thieves had changed her mother's heart so that would happen.
It also didn't help that an odd man with a bunch of stubble and an iguana tattoo was tailing her as closely as her own Shadow. Why is this happening? And why does Kurusu-kun know so many odd people?
However, even with all of these worries and complaints, Hifumi refused to get angry about the situation. This only went to show what a kind-hearted person Kurusu-kun had to be, making sure that both his friend that Hifumi was checking on, and Hifumi herself, were as safe as possible. Besides, it did kind of elate her, sneaking around like this, almost like an agent on a mission. Or a Phantom Thief… but Hifumi didn't dare think of that comparison much longer, lest she somehow manage to speak of the Phantom Thieves and reveal to any passerby that she still supported them. She did, of course, but with all of the things that they had been accused of recently, it was safer for her to keep quiet.
...Would Iwai-san be aware of this, though? He had been asked to pretend to be her bodyguard, after all.
"Iwai-san? Kurusu-kun briefed you on what we can and cannot talk about around Goro Akechi's apartment, right?"
Iwai nodded with a grunt, pausing to take a lollipop out of his mouth before continuing to speak. "No talking about thief shit, him, or my shop. Still, I don't have as much to worry about, since I'm just supposed to be a silent bouncer. You're the one who has to watch what they say."
"Right… Thank you for accompanying me, by the way. I feel a lot… well, safer," the girl replied, clasping her hand together. She wished she were in the chapel right now, or just anywhere more peaceful than this, actually.
"No problem. Kurusu knew I wouldn't say no to making sure a couple of kids were safe," Iwai replied matter-of-factly. He put his candy back in his mouth and continued skulking around, surveying the street they were on as a bunch of average looking apartments came into view. Not incredibly broken down and garbage-y looking, but not the most pristine, either. "I think we're here."
"Yeah. It's a nice neighborhood… I guess," Hifumi responded shyly, before hurriedly walking down the street towards the specific building on the corner that Akira had described to her. She was surprised to find that many of the people around were quite elderly. All looked tired, giving others that walked by barely any acknowledgement, chatting exclusively in small groups around the building.
"Probably don't like speaking unless they're spoken to, first," Iwai guessed. "Might be a bit shy, too. I guess just pick someone, and ask."
"Right," Hifumi agreed, walking up to the nearest woman, one with snow white hair and a grandmotherly smile. The girl waited a few moments, before clearing her throat, bowing respectfully when the lady finally turned around to face her. "Good evening, ma'am. I was wondering if you might know if Goro Akechi were here? I am Hifumi Togo, and I wanted to meet with him in person before we have a possible shared interview or photoshoot in the near future."
"You probably didn't need to add all of that last stuff," Iwai lightly whispered, causing Hifumi to glare at him briefly.
"Sorry, dear, but he's not here right now. Last night, I think Konno-san mentioned seeing the boy leave with a suitcase, but no one has heard anything about him moving out or being evicted. The current theory is that he's just spending a few days at a hotel while he's shooting for an interview… But it's only a theory. He hasn't done anything like that since that girl moved in with him a while back," the old woman explained, doing her best to give Hifumi as much information as she had.
Hifumi perked up at the mention of the girl, though Iwai gave her a placating look. Don't act too excited… Otherwise, I'll just look more suspicious… The girl quickly composed herself, before smiling kindly. "About this girl, I was hoping to speak with her, as well. Was she with Akechi-kun, or might she still be in the apartment?"
"Konno-san would know more than me, but what I do know is that the girl moved out. She only visits now, and the last time anyone saw her visit was last week."
"I see," Hifumi said in disappointment. "Would you know if there's any chance she could be in the apartment right now, or should I seek out this Konno-san?"
"The girl never stays the night when she visits, and the last time, as Minamoto-san said, was last week," a new voice stated. Hifumi turned to find a different old woman, with a more hardset face and salt and pepper hair approaching.
"I see…" Hifumi bowed and began to walk away from the group of old people, heavy with worry as she took in this information. Akira had texted her earlier, saying it was not necessarily a bad thing if Sayori Matsu was not in Goro Akechi's apartment. However, to Hifumi, Sayori's location was unconfirmed, and so was her safety, if she thought more critically about it.
Before the shogi player could take three steps forward, Konno's cane blocked her path. "Seems to me that you're more interested in asking about this girl then the boy you said you were here to speak to," the old woman commented.
Iwai stepped forward and quickly removed the cane, giving the woman, and by association, everyone around her that was in her line of sight, a dark and scary frown. "We didn't come here to get our ears talked off by a bunch of busybodies. Hifumi-chan has a busy schedule, so you'll need to excuse us." We have the information we came for, so let's scram before too many people take notice.
"Aww, can't even humor an old lady for a moment? It just seemed to me like you were both so curious about this young, sweet couple, and how odd their relationship has always seemed. It honestly wouldn't shock me if you were worried…"
"Why is that?" Hifumi asked, causing Iwai to groan and face-palm, even though his gut was also telling him to get as much information as they could.
"Well, I never brought it up to anyone, because no one ever asked, and I just figured that maybe Akechi was helping out a drunk friend of his, but the way Sayori Matsu first came to stay with my neighbor was very odd," the old woman began. "She was passed out unconscious, with torn pajamas and a mark ringing around her neck. Not to mention, the two were always very private, and everyone was just left to make theories about this strange girl that stays with Goro Akechi without question," Konno said, a conspiratorial grin on her face.
Hifumi, however, frowned, turning away once again to leave. "Thank you for the small part of that which was factual information, but neither of us came here to gossip. Have a good day." The girl turned and quickly walked away, the only reason she wasn't running because she wanted to slightly save face.
"So, that last part sounded pretty wacky. Almost cartoonish," Iwai commented, flicking a now bare lollipop stick out of his mouth and into his pocket.
"Yes. I have trouble believing it, myself. However, how Sayori came to live with Goro Akechi sounds like something Akira should hear. He can ask Matsu-chan to confirm the details when he next meets with her," Hifumi agreed, quickly getting out her phone and texting what she had found out to Akira. She als sent a very strict message to text both her, as well as Iwai if the man told him he was interested, when Sayori was found. She would rather not worry about some poor girl's safety longer than she needed to.
Iwai frowned in thought. "This all sounds shady as heck. Not to mention, no one at the apartment knew where Goro Akechi was. All they could theorize was that he might be at a hotel…"
Hifumi also looked thoughtful, but shook her head. "I refuse to make theories based on the gossip of some elderly woman who may have just wanted attention."
"At least I know you have some sense, too, then" Iwai commented, before yawning and stretching. "Looks like we've completed our jobs."
"Yes. Once again, thank you for your company," Hifumi said. With that, she went her separate ways from the man, happy to receive a text from Akira, confirming he had gotten her message.
"I still can't believe we didn't figure it out," Makoto commented. The group of thieves was currently on their way home from the diet building, having been unsuccessful in figuring out the keywords to Masayoshi Shido's Palace.
Ryuji rubbed the back of his head, as if wracking his brain for anything to say. "I hope there's not a-"
"Ryuji, if you say barrier one more time…" Ann warned with a glare.
"Sorry, it's just a thought, I guess… I don't know what else to think."
Yusuke hummed in contemplation. "I suppose it is simply that Masayoshi Shido has a rather complex viewpoint for how he views the Diet Building. We do not know nearly enough about him to guess correctly on our first try."
"Well, last night we already tried researching him, and it seems that he's been cautious about giving out personal details about himself," Haru mumbled quietly. "Still, that seems rather odd, since he's running to be our next prime minister. We should be able to get a good idea of his motivations and ideals…"
"I always thought those motivational speeches he gave sounded too flowery and generic… It makes too much sense now that all of those speeches would be lies," Morgana piped up, sticking his head out from Akira's bag.
"Now I really wish we hadn't acted so rashly with… those two," Makoto said, breath hitching uncomfortably as she remembered her hand in their devious schemes. "If we had someone on our side who spent some time with the true face of Shido, we'd be in the Palace by now…"
Futaba looked down and slowed to a walk. "Guh… Don't talk about it like that… If Sayori heard us talking right now, imagine how upset she'd be, like her and her boyfriend's only worth was the advantages they'd bring if they were on our side…"
"I see your point… I apologize," Makoto said, falling behind to make sure Futaba kept up pace with everyone else.
"Now that we've given Sayori an entire day… I think we should start looking for her," Yusuke suggested, before looking over at Akira, whose head was bowed down as he looked at something on his phone. "What do you think? Or do we already know where she is, thanks to your friends?"
"Hm…?" Akira blinked and looked up, before registering the sentence fully and sighing. "I guess… One good thing is that we know one place she's not. The neighbors around Akechi's apartment said Sayori hasn't been to the apartment in a week… But also, Akechi left his apartment last night. The neighbors think he's just staying at a hotel for a little while…"
"That sounds… good?" Ann said, incredibly unsure. "Still, that doesn't mean she's safe… like at all. She could be anywhere. Maybe she glitched out of existence! Maybe one of Shido's other goons has her, or maybe she's tied up wherever Akechi left to go, last night! Or-"
"Ann, calm down," Makoto cautioned, a sympathetic look on her face. "For Akechi, at least, kidnapping someone like that would be too risky… And I'm hoping we could give him the benefit of the doubt, but…" the girl paused, trying to fathom any reason to trust that the enemy they were up against wouldn't kidnap Sayori, but in the end, she sighed and shook her head. It was unfathomable… Hopefully, only for the moment, though.
"We should start looking for her," Yusuke repeated, looking down at the ground and swallowing the lump in his throat.
"But we also gotta get into Shido's Palace, so we can stop him from doin' anymore evil shit…" Ryuji said, smacking his palm against his forehead. "Especially if he's got Sayori…"
"Hm… Maybe getting into his Palace could shed some light on whether or not he has her, too," Futaba pointed out. "Kidnapping someone should be something that would influence your cognition… Unless Shido is just that much of a garbage person… Right, Morgana?"
Morgana looked unsure, eyes wider than normal as he stumbled over his words. "I mean… I think? Maybe… It's possible."
"But Shido was also confident enough to order an assassination attempt in a police station. Would kidnapping a teenage girl really have an influence on him?" Haru asked. "I honestly can't put anything past such a wicked man."
"Maybe we aren't asking ourselves the right questions," Akira suggested. Causing everyone to pause in their worried theorizing and look up at him. The leader allowed a small smile of relief, happy he could get their attention. "Instead of asking whether or not Shido or Akechi kidnapped Sayori, I think we should ask 'why would they, at this point?"
"What are you gettin' at?" Ryuji asked, slightly hopeful as he looked at Akira.
"Well, Ann… You said you saw on Sayori's phone that Akechi blocked her number, right?"
Ann nodded, still a bit confused. "Yeah… I guess he doesn't want to be in contact with her, anymore. I guess that could rule him out, unless it was part of an ambush scheme."
"But that sounds more complicated than just texting Sayori to lure her someplace and catch her. Blocking her number probably would mean he would need to stalk her, which is an unnecessary, extra step… So that possibility is probably out," Futaba stated, happier for that, at least.
Makoto seemed to light up with a realization. "If Akechi doesn't even want to be in contact with her, then Shido wouldn't have any reason to kidnap her, either…!"
"That makes sense… As far as we know,the only reason Shido would have any interest in Sayori is because she is someone special to Akechi, and with him cutting off ties with her, it could be assumed that Shido would lose interest in her as a bargaining chip," Yusuke theorized. Walking silently, until a thought occurred to him. "But there's another possibility… Shido may know Sayori is, or was, a member of the Phantom Thieves."
"If Akechi really was on our side, and those phone calls were all lies to trick Shido, then I don't think so," Morgana stated with an expression of determination. "If Akechi went as far as telling Shido that Sayori was a teammate, then he'd tell Shido about the rest of us, too. But no one has come after us, yet."
"So, basically, if nothing else, we can at least be hopeful that Sayori isn't in danger because of Shido or Akechi… But there are plenty of others on the streets of Japan who might wish to hurt Sayori," Haru pointed out, shaking her head.
"Sayori has other people she can stay with," Ryuji said half-heartedly. "Like that Mai chick!"
"All of this talking, and trying to figure out where Sayori is… It makes my head hurt," Ann said quietly. "I just want to find her, and apologize, and try to be friends again. None of this should be happening! She should be at my apartment, now… Or maybe at Akechi's if, and only if, he's on our side!" Everyone was silent at that, all feeling equally desperate enough to agree with that sentiment.
"Mai is scheduled to come into school later this week, so I'll meet with her, and see if she knows where Sayori is," Makoto stated. "Other than that, we should keep coming up with keywords to try, and also a list of other places Sayori might be."
"What!?" Akira suddenly shouted out of nowhere, jumping in shock as he looked at the second message that he had been sent.
"What's goin' on!?" Ryuji asked, rushing up to Akira and attempting to peek at his phone.
"I don't even know… But it's such an odd detail… If this is true, then it raises a lot of questions that need to be answered about Sayori and Akechi," Akira stated, showing everyone the messages on his phone.
"For real?"
Goro Akechi sat on the too-soft hotel bed, feeling as though the luxurious room were mocking him for being absolutely unable to relax. His body sank into the mattress like a rock in a pond, and it felt horrible. Everything felt horrible. Yet, he couldn't even bring himself to sulk as it would only be a pathetic admittance of defeat.
So, unable to sleep, Akechi sat up in bed, checking the gun he had stored in his briefcase, over and over and over again. When he grew tired of making sure it was in perfect condition, he stored it away and read over his next assignment, committing every single word to memory until he could quote it, word for word. With his foolish actions, he had fallen behind, and he had to do his best to make up for lost time, now. The election wasn't that far away, but the SIU Director was still alive.
He kept himself busy as evening turned into night, and then for even longer, briefly thinking of how he had an interview in the morning. Thinking of that hardly forced his body to relax enough to sleep, as it used to. Instead, he thought through his entire morning routine, from showering, all the way to the makeup it would take to conceal the bags under his eyes that would undoubtedly be there. It would be his first interview in a while, after all, and he couldn't make it look like "triumphing" over his opponents had made him lose sleep, whether by guilt or anything else.
No… The perfect detective prince… the perfect little hitman… slept like a baby, content with his work. Everyone needs to believe that. Everyone will believe that, because that's how I'll win in the end… How I'll get my revenge on all of them…
Akechi shook slightly, whether from pure anger, or from weak emotions like fear or sadness, he didn't dare to think about it. It had to be anger, after everything that had happened. It was what had been keeping him awake ever since he had discovered their trick. The thought that he had nearly given up his entire life's goal, his only purpose, all for them…
And then they betrayed me…
He shook again, his entire body trembling, and he forced himself to stop the ragged display. The more he did it, the weaker he felt… Like some fragile leaf about to fall off of a branch, and the more he began to think that he wasn't angry, but instead…
Before he even realized it, bleary sunshine was streaming in through the hotel's windows, making it clear it would rain later. Akechi's phone alarm went off to let him know he had to start getting ready. He especially had to hurry now. The employees couldn't be allowed to see him in such a wretched state when they came to clean his room. So very quickly, he put his gun in his briefcase and locked the latch on it, and then disappeared into the bathroom with his clothes.
As was expected, the shower did nothing to help him either. All Akechi felt was the paranoid feeling that he was going to be burnt or boiled alive, unable to really focus on rational thoughts. Good thing this interview was rehearsed, beforehand…
If I was still at the apartment, I probably could have tried sleeping on the way there… But that would also be a good way to get robbed.
No, the hotel was too close to the TV station, so of course he would walk instead. He dreaded the thought as he stepped out of the shower and got dressed, then brushed his snarled hair until it was as smooth as…
Her old silk skirt she'd let me hide behind…
Akechi blinked rapidly, reminding himself to grab a cup of coffee from the hotel's dining area as he combed his fingers through his hair once more, satisfied when it went through smoothly. He stretched and then applied some makeup, covering up every mark and blemish and dark area under his eyes and on his face.
"Can't let anyone see an imperfection. Have to be perfect and desirable… Enough to provide…"
The detective nearly smudged his makeup when he had to snap himself out of that thought, too. This wasn't to provide for anyone. This was solely for his revenge.
The sky had just started to pour down freezing rain as Goro Akechi left the hotel, carrying a coffee thermos and a borrowed umbrella in his hands, struggling to carry them along with his briefcase. Despite locking the case, he couldn't leave his gun in the hotel. Curious maids might want to see what's in his belongings.
His shoes inevitably went through puddles on the sidewalk, and the splashes made him worry that he might stain his pant legs, but he knew it couldn't be helped if that did happen. All too soon, the rain became so heavy that most noises were drowned out by it, filling the detective's head with the noise and the memories and…
I don't like rain, I can't stand it… It was raining that night…
Akechi shook his head, trying to get rid of that overwhelming feeling of fear and anger that clouded over all rational thought. It was just rain…
The detective barely had time to shield himself with the large umbrella before a taxi drove into a puddle in the road, and as it shielded himself, Akechi finally found himself giving in…It was the only form of relief he had, to stay still, and think, and try to remind himself of the only reason he was doing all of this in the first place.
Water Skaters and Koi Fish filled the boy's vision as he looked at the pond, scattering the handful of food that the orderlies had given him. He tried not to be overly anxious, sitting outside by himself. There was a tall wire fence surrounding the building, and several employees milling about, keeping an eye on guests that patients had brought with them.
Still, it was nearly impossible to keep his worries at bay as he thought about his mother. Why couldn't he go in with her? What were they telling her? These people were meant to help, but in the end what if they just hurt her more?
He was so lost in his thoughts, and in the task at hand of making sure his fish food was evenly spread, that he didn't notice his mother approaching, a sly smile on her face as she snuck up from behind.
"Gorororo," She said in a singsong voice, causing the boy to spring forward and drop the rest of the fish food, spreading it across the grass. "How is my little birdy doing?"
"Mama, you scared me!" Goro said with a pout, crossing his arms and turning away, causing his mother to sigh and lean over him, placing her hands on his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, I guess I just wanted to scare off that grumpy face of yours…" She sat on her knees and pulled the squirming child into a hug. A sigh escaped her, despite her best efforts, "Such a concerned face… for a child."
Eventually, Goro stopped resisting and leaned into the hug, knowing his mother probably needed one. He did, too, if he was being honest. "I wasn't grumpy… Just worried! Those men and women in the blue clothes didn't say anything mean to you, did they?!"
"No… If anything, they were trying to help me…" the woman spoke, before standing up and taking Goro's hand in her own. "We should get home… I have work, tonight, and you have school in the morning." Her breath caught as she thought of that, wondering how she was going to make sure her son got enough rest while she…
Goro nodded, gripping his mother's hand tightly in his and taking wide strides to match hers. She was lost in her mean thoughts again, and he almost wanted to flag down another of those "mind doctors" his mother had described to him on his way here. Whatever medicine they were giving her wasn't working fast enough, and he wanted his mom to have a happy mind!
Still, even as much as he was scared about his mom not feeling well, he tried to convince himself that she was feeling better. As she trudged along the walkway out of the building, her concern shifted as she caught him staring at her. Quickly, a happy smile was placed on her face, and she squeezed and rubbed Goro's hand in an effort to assure him. She kept the smile on her face even as her son looked away, knowing that even as her face ached from having to keep on an expression she was so unused to having, it was worth it to see him smile back. To know that her son was happy and safe was all she needed.
So she kept on that smile as they left the rehab center, knowing it was going to be the last time for a while that she would be able to visit. She had no insurance, and she would need a lot more money before she could afford another session.
"Did you like that place, sweetie? I noticed there were a lot of other kids out there in the waiting area," the woman commented.
"Yeah, it was fun feeding the fish… This one nice lady gave me a big handful!" the boy shouted, spreading his arms wide the best he could while keeping a hold of his mother's hand. He purposefully avoided talking about the other kids. At the very least, the nurses had kept them from being mean to him, but that also meant none of them even went near him. It was like they had been told "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all," but for everything.
"I'm glad… Maybe next time I visit, though, I can get someone to babysit you while I visit," the woman said, catching on to what her son wasn't telling her.
"I'm not a baby!" Goro responded, pouting again. That sour mood was quickly dashes when his mom let out a small giggle, wondering how her son could act like such a normal child, even though she couldn't give him a normal childhood. She smiled sneakily, before picking her son up and rest him against her side, supporting him with her hip. Goro smiled for a second, hugging his mom around her shoulders.
"Hey Goro, if you aren't a baby, then I couldn't carry you like this," the woman said teasingly, watching as the boy's face went red with childish embarrassment as he stumbled to try and correct his mistake. However, his mother quickly put his worries at ease, smiling sweetly at him. "Of course, no matter how much you say you aren't, you'll always be my baby. You know that, right, birdy?"
"Yeah…" Goro said thankfully, noticing how his mother had slowed down significantly. Aside from having a lot of trouble trying to support a seven-year old's weight, the further away they got from the rehab center, the further away they seemed to get from what they were hoping to achieve there.
Random, nosy passersby stared and whispered as they headed towards the subway station, commenting on the woman with no ring, carrying around a child. Goro's mother made him lean his head against her chest, so his ear was pressed into her skin, before using the hand that wasn't supporting him to cover his other ear, silencing the words that she said he wasn't allowed to say until he was much older.
Yet, his mother was unprotected. Each sneer, glare, and insult hit their mark, and Goro could feel her start to tremble and shake and slow down. At one point she stopped, and turned harshly towards one of her harassers, barking something that Goro couldn't make out. But he knew whatever this person had said, it was about him. He didn't need to be a genius to know that's the only reason his mother would ever shout back.
As they neared the subway station, he felt a drop of water land on the side of his face, and then another, and another. Goro was soon set down, as they had to start walking down a flight of stairs to get into the train they needed. When the boy looked up, he found his mother smiling, though it was wobbly and fake as she tried to wipe away the tear tracks on her cheeks.
All the while, Goro thought to himself, how he wished more than anything that he could allow his mother the opportunity to rest, and no longer bear the weight it took to love him.
Akechi stopped in front of the TV station, taking a moment to breathe as he inspected himself one last time. It really was fortunate that the hotel was so close to it. He could enjoy a nice, rainy morning walk on his way to tell all of his wonderful fans about his victory over the Phantom Thieves.
That was the reason he had gone to the hotel.
The rain had begun to slow down, and Akechi took one last breath, noting that for the first time in two days, his body was starting to relax. He attributed it to the memory of his mother, and not of the other memory currently trying to push its way to the front of his mind. After all, it was for his mother, and for himself, that he was continuing forward.
Thoughts of ruined fireworks and first kisses, especially from her could never relax him.
Sayori had lost track of how long she had spent sitting there, staring at the passing trains, waiting for nothing. There was nothing to wait for, anymore. Nothing to hope for. She was just stuck. She had failed, and nothing was going to change.
I just want to go home… I don't even understand why I'm here. I've just been wasting my time…
She had spun these same thoughts over and over in her head since sitting here, trying to find an answer, and trying to convince herself that there was even a point, anymore.
But, it was impossible. After a while, Sayori had taken some time to just sit there and zone out, only being disturbed by the slight rumble and vibrations of nearly silent subway cars passed by. At some point, she tried to once again gaze into that abyss… that hole in the wall… the impetus for her awakening and her epiphany, and all it did was make her wish to stop thinking…
Stop thinking for herself, Unlearn the pointless nature of her reality. All it had done was give her a reason to hold onto a lie that she was needed… that she was different… that she could change things.
But what she had failed to realize was that aside from being fake, this reality was still unfair and unchanging, and she was still weak, even if she was wiser. And even that could be argued against, because for the longest time, she had convinced herself of a lie.
Sayori had lied to herself about being needed… and about being able to change things. She regretted the very root of it all… If she had never awakened to her Persona… Never learned about this false reality… She wouldn't have to think this way. She would be waiting and watching from the sidelines, never a part of the thieves, but that wouldn't be a problem. She would just be in the apartment with… him, and would be content to just wait and watch, because it wouldn't be her problem.
And thinking that, Sayori only hated herself more, but it didn't matter. That was only because of the stupid obligations she felt to help her friends, and try to change things, that she hated herself. In her efforts to do what was right, for herself, as well as for her friends… Doing something she still loved and still made her happy, it hurt her more than it ever had in the past.
Sayori had tried… She really had. She had tried and failed and she knew trying again would only lead to more failure. This false reality… It had a story that, for all its efforts to send the opposite message, was unbending and unchanging. There was no butterfly effect. Nothing she ever did or tried to do would make a difference. It would somehow manage to turn itself around until things were exactly how they were meant to be.
She couldn't do anything… and she didn't want to do anything.
Sayori was so tired… of trying, of failing, and of torturing herself by repeating the cycle.
Trains passed… time passed… and Sayori continued to watch as the world around her continued to move. The red-black blurs that swept through Sayori's vision made her eyes burn, and the continued gust of wind that followed the trains, and the slight rumbling of the ground that came with it grew boring and monotonous, but uncomfortable all the same. It was tiring, but Sayori wasn't comfortable enough to sleep, even as her vision continued to blur and her body grew stiff and tired.
How long had she been there?
It doesn't matter… Nothing I do matters. She couldn't find the strength to move into a better position to sleep, nor to stand or walk. The thought of being around anyone that the others deemed to be "real," made her feel sick inside.
So Sayori still sat, squinting out at the trains of Mementos, waiting for nothing.
If only… I didn't exist… If only I had never awakened to my Persona… If only I had never come to this stupid city…!
I'd be dead.
Sayori's eyes shot open, and she looked everywhere for the source of the voice, but in the end she could only confirm it had been her thoughts alone. But… How could she say it with so much conviction? It had been such a long time since Futaba's Palace, when she had seen herself dead in that vision, but she had never really been able to confirm that it was real.
So why…?
"Sayori, are you awake in there?"
The girl's head bolted to her side, expecting to see one of her former teammates standing beside her on the tracks, only to jump back in confusion and hit the back of a wall that hadn't been there before.
Her bedroom wall…
As she was staring at her bedroom door, as someone on the other side who she knew since childhood knocked on the other side.
She looked around and saw that she was sitting on her bed, in her own bedroom. Her laptop was open in front of her, displaying her email history with several details for posters and poems and cupcakes.
There was another round of knocking, this time a little more frantic, and Sayori got up to open it… Or, that's what she was about to do.
Instead, as she began to move, a voice that sounded like hers but actually wasn't her speaking told her friend to wait a moment, and Sayori felt herself freeze. She watched as a… clone of herself walked up to the door and opened it, inviting in her childhood friend with a blush and guilty smile.
I know I still look the same… but this clone seems younger somehow… Am I just hallucinating?
That was her guess, as Sayori watched herself talk to her friend nervously, hiding feelings that she had once believed to be selfish… All while the real one viewing the memory felt heavy clouds forming in her head that she recognized all too well.
It hurt, watching herself continue to sink into a deep dark abyss that she couldn't climb out of, and it hurt even more knowing this was the last time she had seen her friend. She couldn't even remember if they were still friends, or if he had wanted to be more than friends, just like her at the time. Sayori briefly thought that maybe it didn't matter, since Goro probably hated her now, anyway, but all the same she suddenly felt dirty, wondering if she had actually been cheating on her dearest friend all this time.
As time passed on and she continued watching as her dear friend checked on her and made sure she was doing alright- before having to meet with another of their clubmates for a project for the school festival the next day- Sayori felt herself beginning to feel worse and worse.
She was powerless to stop herself from making a fool of herself, or of pursuing feelings that would only hurt her in the end. It made her feel even more ugly inside, just wishing she could take over for a moment, now that she knew what would follow, and tell her dear friend how horrible she felt right now. It no longer had anything to do with feelings for him… It was all about her. She was useless and selfish and couldn't do anything right. She only made things harder for everyone, including him, and including herself.
And she didn't want him to consider whether or not he loved her as a friend or something more. All she wanted was a hug… Some comfort… Any assurance that things were going to be okay.
But, she was powerless to do anything, because this was in the past, when she had no idea what the truth was…
All Sayori could do was watch while the world went on.
The morning after their first visit to the Diet Building, the Phantom Thieves all met at Leblanc early in order to continue discussing their current objectives. Namely, getting into Shido's Palace, and finding Sayori.
"Last one… 'Diamond mine,'" Haru said, her tone one of complete boredom and dejection.
"...No good," Makoto murmured, after the MetaNav once again rejected their keyword.
"How many'd we miss?" Ryuji asked with an exhausted groan.
"Perhaps he truly does have a barrier up," Yusuke said with a disbelieving shake of his head.
"Don't start with that…" Ann grumbled, having had enough of this theory.
"Alright…" Futaba said, before looking down at a small notepad she had been writing on. "Other list… Maybe Sayori is at… the arcade?"
"Akira goes there all the time to hang out with 'The King,' though," Haru pointed out, causing Futaba to scribble out that suggestion with frustration.
"Maybe we should check Mementos, then," Morgana said, not for the first time. Though, admittedly, none of the thieves thought that option was a good idea. Mementos was incredibly dangerous, and spending so long in there would be asking for trouble.
"We met you there when you ran away, though," Akira said, though at this point he was getting desperate to find where Sayori had gone. At the same time though… "That would be hard to check. We would have so many floors to check, and the hallways randomly change."
"Don't forget that Reaper asshole," Ryuji muttered, clenching his teeth at the thought of Sayori alone down there for so long, getting ambushed by that mystery-monster creep.
"We should definitely check when we can… It's been two days, and none of us have heard a word," Makoto said, knowing they were running out of places to look.
"I don't think she would want to have a word with us, right now… No matter how worrying the situation is," Ann mumbled sadly, leaning her head on top of her arms, feeling rather horrible about the past few days.
"Right… Anyway, what about 'Skyscraper'?" Yusuke asked, wanting to change the topic in hopes of keeping everyone from feeling too depressed.
"No…" Akira sighed as the MetaNav once again rejected their keyword.
"Boss, can you turn the TV on? Shido might be on it," Ryuji requested, to which Sojiro nodded and grabbed the remote.
"Sure thing," he said, clicking the TV on. Instead of the wicked man they were hoping to see, they saw the wicked boy that they weren't even sure was wicked appear, leaving an even worse taste in their mouths then if they could be sure of themselves.
"Akechi…!" Makoto exclaimed, slumping forward slightly as everyone else seemed to wilt in their seats as well.
"Turn it back off… It's hard to look at him…" Yusuke muttered, turning his head away as Sojiro quickly did as the boy asked. Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes, quietly ruminating as they considered the few seconds of the detective they had seen. He was having another interview about his victory over them, which made it even harder to accept Sayori's objections, but it was even hard to completely dismiss them. They wanted to believe her… She was their friend. But it was confusing, and Akechi wasn't making it easier to believe by acting like he had always been against them.
"All of you seem rather affected by Sayori's claims," Sae observed quietly, looking at all of the withdrawn teenagers with sympathy, but was unable to understand their internal struggle.
"Of course we are. We were all so certain that we were doing the right thing by deceiving Goro Akechi… But with Sayori objecting, I'm not sure at all, anymore," Haru said, looking down at the table top, tracing the rim of her coffee cup absently.
"Yeah… She has always been so kind, sweet, and caring to all of us, her friends. Yet, when faced with enemies, she's surprisingly merciless," Ann remembered, able to remember that in just their last Mementos visit, she had nearly cursed out Futaba's friend's parents.
"Well, Akechi was her boyfriend, so you also have to keep in mind that she's more attached to him then anyone you've targeted in the past," Sojiro pointed out, not wanting the teens to blame themselves too harshly.
"That's true… But with all of the shit Akechi's done, I dunno… But I gotta go with my gut that Sayori would drop him in an instant if she didn't have a damn good reason to keep her faith in him," Ryuji said, shaking his head, trying and failing once again to sort out his thoughts.
"It's also just, Sayori cares about all of us… including Akechi… And she's always been the type of girl to put her friends over her own needs, even after she said she would pursue her own happiness. I'm starting to think that keeping Akechi with us was her way of trying to stay positive, especially if she's known since Akechi told her, that he was our enemy," Morgana observed, frowning sadly.
Akira translated what Morgana was saying for the adults in the room, before sighing and adding words of his own. "She might have wanted all of us to be friends together, so that she didn't have to pick a side… But we…"
"We probably ended up hurting her even more than we first thought…" Yusuke finished, before gritting his teeth and closing his eyes.
"That makes me wonder now, though… How long has she known Akechi's identity?" Makoto asked no one in particular, because there was only one person that could answer that. "Considering she got Akechi to join us at the school culture festival, I figured he had told her sometime after Okumura's death… But she's been making us all hang out together long before that."
"That's an even bigger reason to worry… I can't believe how many secrets she's been keeping for so long," Futaba said, leaning forward so that her hair hid her face.
"I guess a question to ask now is, if and when she meets with you guys again, would all of you be willing to forgive her for that, and would she be willing to forgive you?" Sojiro asked, making sure to give each of the teens a stern look so that they knew he was expecting an actual answer.
"We won't know how she feels until we find her," Akira said, sighing. He still didn't know what to make of his confidant with her breaking, but he did know it would take action from him if there was even a way to fix it at all. In that case, "I think I can forgive her… She's been keeping a lot of secrets from us, and aside from not wanting us to get hurt by the truth, I think she also had a reason for holding back…"
"If she knew, maybe she couldn't confirm Akechi's secrets until after my father's death," Haru reasoned softly, before closing her eyes as she tried to make a decision, as well. "And since she wanted us all to be friends, she didn't want any of us to have a reason to hate Akechi when she wasn't even sure for herself that he was a threat… I'm not sure myself what I want to do… I think I can forgive Sayori, but I have no idea about Akechi right now."
"She's been under a lot of stress, recently… Having to keep so many secrets, and worrying about… going away," Futaba said with a silent shudder. I shouldn't mention her glitches to Sae and Sojiro… Well, maybe Sojiro, later, she thought to herself. "I think I can understand being trapped in your own thoughts, and not knowing what to do and how to make things clear again… I think I forgive her, too."
"She's kept a lot of secrets, and broken one or two promises about not hiding secrets, anymore… But I've always wanted to help her…" Yusuke said, remembering the time in Okumura's Palace, and the many times before that where he had caught her lost in her own thoughts. "I want to help her keep her gaze ahead, and help her see the beauty in living. I want to help her, so that next time something happens, she can come to me… to all of us, with her troubles." It went without saying that he forgave her, and he smiled because everyone knew that.
"I've always wanted the best for Sayori… Because I never want to give her a reason to want to… give up, like she almost did. She made a huge mistake… but I think she was also scared that something bad would happen if she spoke up… I don't know if that's because of Akechi, or whoever he's working for, or whoever else it might be… even us, but I can't condemn her for feeling scared or uncomfortable about telling something dangerous to another person," Ann stated, sitting up straight and crossing her arms. "So I forgive her."
"I still want her to explain everything… And after all the lies she's told and secrets she's kept… I would feel rather frustrated if she didn't want to forgive us… But we made a mistake, too. Strategy or not, Sayori was our trusted teammate, and we should have told her everything. It would have saved us all of this mess, and we could be working together and focusing all of our attention onto Shido, maybe with another teammate, too... " Makoto said, venting out her frustrations more than actually explaining her reasons, but still…
"So, I forgive her… All of this happened because of a horrible communication issue between us and her, and I know how hard it is to feel like you can't tell someone about something."
"Makoto…" Sae trailed off, looking down in shame. "Is this…?"
"Not right now…" Makoto said, feeling uncomfortably. Thankfully, Sae was alright with that, and kept quiet about it.
"Yeah, 'course I forgive her," Ryuji, wanting to get that out of the way. "If I'm being honest, this happened because we forgot our rule about unanimous decisions. Shitty communication, like Makoto said. But Sayori always just wanted to keep her friends happy and together. Hearin' all of you, and knowin' her, she definitely at least felt like she had a good reason, or was just scared."
"Of course, I think I can relate to having problems like her, too. I ran away before she did, after all," Morgana said, the beginnings of a smile spreading on his face. "I forgive her… Mainly because of everything you guys said… But also, because I just have this really strong feeling… This intense hope that we can fix everything, but only if we can reunite with her."
All of the teens were in agreement, and took a few moments to process that, happy that they were on the same page. It was nice to know that all of them agreed to forgive.
"I assume Morgana forgives her, too, based on all of you guys smiling," Sojiro observed after a moment, causing all of the teens to blush in embarrassment and nod. "Well, good. For now, I think you should do what you have been doing and give her some space. Focus on one task at a time, and right now, that should be getting into Shido's Palace."
"Hm… That's tough. We don't know anything about the guy," Ryuji said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms and legs.
"We need to find a way to learn more about him, then… This isn't like Futaba, where we could easily go to Boss's house and learn about her," Yusuke observed.
"That's true… But maybe there is a way to meet up with him…" Makoto said, before turning towards Sae. "Sis, could you-"
"Absolutely not. Setting up a meeting with him is far too dangerous," Sae interrupted, already knowing where her sister was going with this. All of the danger her sister was already putting herself in… It didn't sit right with her.
"Well, I guess meeting with him is going to be a problem…" Ann said, leaning forward with a sad sigh. However, as if the universe had finally decided to cut them a little slack, that was when they all began to take notice of a loud commotion outside.
"What's with the ruckus outside?" Sojiro asked, looking towards the entrance to the cafe, as everyone else followed suit and strained to listen to what sounded like a crowd gathering.
"To everyone gathered before Yongen-Jaya Station!" a loud voice said through a microphone.
"Isn't that an election campaign car?" Sae asked, straining to hear and pinpoint the sound.
"Oh right! The candidates are currently campaigning!" Haru shouted in realization.
Meanwhile, Akira was surprised as his brain finally started to connect some very important puzzle pieces. That voice…! It couldn't be...
"I apologize for the commotion! I am Masayoshi Shido!"
"Wait, did he just say 'Shido'!?" Ryuji shouted, jumping up from his seat.
"Yeah, he did!" Ann agreed, standing up, too.
Akira put his hand on his forehead, memories flashing through his head at the speed of light, causing a powerful migraine as a night he had tried hard not to think about repeated itself once again. It sounds like the same voice I heard back then… As he shook his head to relieve some of the disorientation, Morgana noticed his distress.
"Man, talk about bein' lucky! We can go check him out without an appointment now!" Ryuji shouted, putting his palm in his hand and running out the door, with Haru following close behind.
"We should go after them!" Morgana suggested loudly, causing everyone to nod in agreement.
"Right!" Akira said, before quickly leading everyone else outside, throwing his hood up at the last second as they all ran out to meet their newest adversary in the flesh.
She couldn't leave her old bedroom.
Sayori found that out rather quickly, watching as her friend left and she couldn't follow, the closed door holding her back like an immovable barrier. Her fingers slid off the windows, as though they had been glued down, but Sayori knew that her windows were supposed to be able to open… It was just that she couldn't interact with her room, at all. She was trapped here, and so she could only sit and watch as this memory of herself continued emailing back and forth with Monika until late, preparing for the culture festival.
Time was passing in its natural time, as Sayori watched the clock on her old laptop and counted to sixty, noting that one real minute passed in that time. Yet, even so, night time came so slowly. Sayori wondered when she would be able to snap out of this horrible memory. Would it be when her memory of herself finally went to sleep?
No… for the Sayori of back then didn't ever seem to go to sleep. She only shut off her laptop at a certain point, and then sat there in silence, staring ahead and looking at nothing, but still trying to see something.
Counting seconds in her head, the Sayori watching noted that a half hour must have passed before she finally laid down, but still, Sayori knew she wasn't sleeping. Ever since her friend had left… No, even before he had left, Sayori could feel rain clouds gathering. She couldn't remember what her old self was thinking, or if she was even thinking at all at this point… but the rain clouds that kept getting heavier and heavier seemed to scream in both of their heads.
Sayori whimpered and closed her eyes, and tried to plug her ears, even though she knew this had never worked in the past. It had been so long since she had felt this horrible… No, in fact she couldn't remember ever feeling this horrible before! Yet, how could she forget. This memory was going through it, she was sure… Simply laying there, prone. Anyone would be able to mistake it as her sleeping with her eyes open.
… I just want it to stop… Sayori thought to herself, as minutes, and then hours ticked by. The moon passed its highest point in the sky, and then slowly trailed down, and still, sleep didn't come. Only more heavy rain clouds that filled Sayori's head with heavy fog. Had she ever actually gone to sleep that night? She tried to think back to just before Goro had found her that first night, only to be met with the sounds of the bed creaking.
The Sayori of the past had gotten up, grabbed her laptop and started quickly typing something. From where she sat on the chair next to the bed, Sayori only caught the tail end of it, yet reading it sent a shiver down her spine… a brief moment of clarity as she began to realize what was happening.
Get out of my head before I do what I know is best for you.
Get out of my head before I listen to everything she said to me.
Get out of my head before I show you how much I love you.
Get out of my head before I finish writing this poem.
The Sayori of the past seemed to pause for a moment, shivering, before slumping forward, the light in her eyes completely gone. After a second, she typed one last verse as the morning sun began to peak through the curtains.
But a poem is never actually finished.
It just stops moving.
Watching herself as she clicked send, Sayori felt herself go into a cold shock as, for a brief moment, memories of her Palace came back to her. She remembered the red string of fate coming to tie a noose around her neck, and in that second, realization dawned on her.
She couldn't do anything… Not a single thing but watch as her other self left the room for only a brief moment, and returned with something that sent panic into Sayori's heart… but she couldn't move.
A rope was fashioned into a noose, and that noose was hung on the ceiling. Sayori couldn't help but sob as her old self closed the curtains and easily took the chair Sayori was sitting on and placed it right below the noose.
No… Please, no… Don't tell me… That what I thought I saw in Futaba's Palace was true… No… I never actually made it that far! I don't remember any of this!
Yet, the storm never cleared inside of her head. It was deafening, rolling through her ears with a thundering roar and making her head hurt. And all the while, her other self stood on that chair, and slipped the noose around her neck.
And for the next four minutes, Sayori watched in horror, and agony, as she remembered everything. Finally, she knew where that bruised and scraped ring had come from, as the noose dug in around her neck but didn't kill her… not yet. Where that blood on her hands had come from, and why her pajamas had been torn around the neck like that, as her other self gave into pure instinct, and began clawing at the ropes, tearing at both flesh and fabric, trying to loosen the rope and get even the smallest intake of air…
Why… Why do I have to see this!? Why right now, when I feel so lost and scared. Is this the universe's way of telling me I'd be better off dead?
After what felt like an eternity, her self's hands finally fell limp at her sides, and her eyes began to lose color. And yet, even as Sayori felt the fog flatline in her head…
She couldn't understand.
How could I have done this…? Why would I just decide to die, like this?
How could she have just forfeited everything like that? Why would she commit suicide?
Get out of my head before I do what I know is best for you.
Sayori knew, looking back on her club days, that her clubmates needed her… to settle arguments, and to help everyone stay calm and happy. They needed her, and they cared about her. And here too, it wouldn't be better for everyone if she died. So many people cared about her, and dying would only hurt them in the end.
Get out of my head before I listen to everything she said to me.
What does it matter what anyone said to her? Sayori knew… She knew exactly what she wanted, and she knew that she would never let anyone sway her from what would make her happy… Never again. She couldn't let the words of others get in her way… Not if she knew they were wrong, or hurtful, or wouldn't help her.
Get out of my head before I show you how much I love you.
Sayori wouldn't hide her feelings anymore… She had loved, and she had hurt, and letting someone see them… How much her emotions affected her. It had made her feel so much less alone… People cared about her, and she could bond with them when she finally showed herself. Denying her feelings, and trying to hide them only ever hurt her.
Get out of my head before I finish writing this poem.
"No."
But a poem is never actually finished.
It just stops mov-
"I'm not finished!" Sayori shouted, and with that, the dream, memory, or whatever it was, finally fell away. It was only her now, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down as she remembered where she was.
Her limbs were sore and almost stuck, but regardless, Sayori stood up, gritting her teeth as joints popped and tried to knock her off balance. But she had to remind herself of that strength. She wasn't going to take any of this sitting down! She had to stand! She had to move, and…
"I have to keep trying… I don't… I don't want to die!" Sayori said, her voice stern as she shook off the dizzy feeling of standing up for the first time in days. Memories of why she had once felt so selfish, and why she felt so much like surrendering herself…
"Those memories…are worthless… No wonder I didn't have them when I came here," Sayori mumbled, walking towards the staircase that would slowly take her back to the top of Mementos.
"I'm not going to surrender myself for others… Never. I don't want to die… I want to live!" She was talking to herself, but she didn't care. "I don't owe anyone anything. I need to keep moving forward… for my own happiness!"
It wasn't selfish to chase after it! It never had been. She wasn't going to second guess herself based on that guilt ever again.
Sayori took one last breath, before running up the stairs. She had somewhere to be. She was going to move forward, towards the change she believed in. Her happiness was never going to be given to her by other people. She knew exactly what she was looking for, and she was going to find it!
I… I'll decide for myself what happiness is! I'm not going to let anyone, even the Phantom Thieves, decide for me. Even if I suffer in the end, I have to try… I can't give up!
Step after step, Sayori moved forward, never stopping to doubt.
I hope you all liked the chapter. I apologize if you didn't appreciate the ending. However, I felt it was a necessary scene for Sayori going forward. Please let me know what you thought of the chapter, overall! I'll see all of you next time!