(Garen - PoV)
She hasn't spoken a word. We ran through the night and most of the day, dusk approaches once more, and she still hasn't even attempted to speak. I don't even know if she can.
She is awake at least. I speak to her occasionally, I try telling her stories of some of the places I have seen, some of the more interesting people I have met, but...there is so little I can speak of that isn't tainted by my association at the time, or what I did to those places and people after.
I was exceptionally concerned by her near-catatonic state for much of the journey, but, eventually, she returned to almost normal as we left the marshes. Perhaps the area didn't agree with her? I can't say I am a fan myself.
On the positive side, despite her lack of words she currently has no trouble communicating. She has entirely too many pokes, prods, pulls, gestures, and expressions at her command. I do wish she would come up with at least one more, however, and stop flashing me when she needs to pee.
Really, Lux, that is completely unnecessary. She has also decided to bite me in sensitive areas when she wants food. Food that she can reach herself, and doesn't need me to get for her.
I suspect she is trying to take advantage of my current concern for her well-being to push my boundaries with the biting. It is funny that, despite her far better social skills, she doesn't seem to understand that I don't think there are any true, hard boundaries for her. Sure I might get annoyed and reprimand her, or tell her no, but, even at the worst of times, if she really pushes I fear she might never find an actual limit...
My pace has picked up the last few hours, the craggy hills near the center of Valoran being far easier to traverse than the marsh.
Damn that place, I hope I never have to go back there. Nothing good ever happens in a marsh.
We are nearing Dogwood, where there will hopefully be a contact to meet us. If not, we will have to try at the next town over.
Lux is getting fidgety as we approach the town. It seems she is approaching the ends of her patience with being carried.
The town is rather bland and uninspiring, built up against a single massive rocky outcrop. It's better than the Rathole at least...not that that's a difficult feat.
"Well Lux, welcome to Dogwood." I can see the question in her eyes at the...questionable choice of name. There isn't a tree for a dozen miles in any direction.
"Its namesake wood is long gone, a victim of the Rune Wars if memory serves. Much of central Valoran used to be forests."
She grimaces at the thought of the scale of destruction unleashed, not an uncommon reaction.
"If it helps, they named the big outcrop "The Dog."
She looks at it. Tilts her head. Trys a couple of angles. Looks back at me.
"No, it doesn't look anything like a dog."
...
"Don't look at me like that, I'm not the one who named i-hey! Damnit Lux why?! I know you're not hungry, don't even pretend."
She just grins after having used the distraction to bite me again.
I sigh. "Well, we are close enough now. Are you ready to walk?"
She nods her assent, so I carefully put her down. Her first couple of steps are wobbly, but within seconds she is twirling around me.
The fear and rage from days ago still grip me, but I can almost ignore them seeing her smiling and dancing around like this. You will be ok Lux. I will help you get better, and make up for all the time I wasn't there. No matter what.
Finally coming to a stop, Lux mock bows, a haughty look on her face, while I mock applaud. Old memories that, old memories. One of many games we played. Lux always loved play-acting, and damn she was good at it. I wonder if...no...best to not even dwell on it for the moment.
"Alright then my masterful performer, let's see if we can meet your agent. If not, then we shall retire for the night, if there are no objections?"
Lux adopts a thoughtful look, a finger to her chin, her eyes looking upwards and away, before nodding to accept my proposal with a smile. She grasps my hand and skips along the street.
...Seeing her like this is...it was heartwarming not a moment ago, but it is quickly becoming heart-wrenching, fearing that I can lose it at any moment. I...ohhhh gods.
And yet despite the physical pain, I wouldn't trade a second of it for every coin in the kingdom's vault.
I...do not know how to deal with this, not really. Ignore it and pretend it's not there is...no. Just no. I Will. Not. Lose This.
Lux is distractedly staring at something in a shop's window as we pass and doesn't notice my...problem. Just, need to get myself under control quickly.
...Teaching me these things is Lux's job, and...right. Ok, just, keep going. You're the hero, the big brother, the unstoppable champion, the tough guy. You can tough it out for a few days until you get her fixed, then she can teach the big dumb brute how to deal with being an actual human being.
Night is beginning to fall as we reach the inn, a big building with thick walls and sturdy construction. Stepping inside, the entrance is well lit and reasonably clean. Good signs, good signs. We would sleep outside before I would have Lux stay in some of the worse places I have seen. The ground floor has a fair-sized dining area accompanying the reception desk, stairs to the rooms, and a door to, presumably, the kitchen.
The heavyset innkeeper calls out as we approach the desk, "Hail there travelers! What'll it be you're lookin for?"
The red-haired man seems to be doing well for himself and has kept his bountiful facial hair well-groomed.
"A room for the night my good man," I reply. "The two of us have traveled quite a ways, and would prefer not to sleep under the stars tonight."
"I hear ya, I hear ya," he says, stroking his beard. "Prices are on the board. I swear on me business I keep the rooms good. Fraid we are just bout full up tonight howeva. Only got one room left, and it only has one bed, iffin a decent large one. Will that work for tha two you?"
That...is less than ideal. I wonder why they are so fu-
"We'll take it!"
That...Lux!?
I turn and, yes that was her. What the hell?!
She looks at me and blushes brightly.
I...have so many questions.
She...gestures to the innkeeper. He is looking between us, unsure if we are in agreement about the room.
...Whatever, we have more important things to discuss at the moment.
"Yes, fine, we will take it." Paying the man ("A pleasure!") I lightly take Lux by the shoulder and guide her to the stairs. She...seems a bit out of it.
I do remember to check the dining room for our potential contact before we ascend, but no one makes any attempt to signal me.
We are silent as we go up the stairs and locate our room.
Has she been able to talk the entire time? Was she just messing with me? Was she scared to? Magic weirdness?
I...I have no idea what is going on, and I feel that a certain somebody really owes me some answers...Assuming she has them herself which...really drops the bottom out of my stomach since I know she very well might not.
I breathe in and !
I'm going to fucking kill those whoresons that did this to her!
...
Ok, relax, this is not the time to lose my cool. She's going to think I'm mad at her.
I manage to calm down as we enter the room.
Looks decent enough, I've seen much worse. Ok. Now what.
Lux and I stand there staring at each other.
Lux, you know how bad I am at this. I carried you here, it's your turn to tag in!
...
Her expression is odd but...fuck she's trembling.
"Lux, I'm not m-
(Lux - PoV)
Brother takes me by the shoulder and guides me up the stairs.
By the gods, this is perfect! I can't even believe it, this is literally a fantasy coming to life. Thank you whatever love god is playing as a hefty bearded dude. No judgment here, no sir.
It is amazing I am somehow not tripping on the stairs. Surprising I have any motor skills at all, in fact, since my entire brain capacity seems consumed by horny at the moment.
Fuck if I know which room we are going to, or what the floor number is. Or what town we are in. My imagination is in complete overdrive, I barely still have the capability to walk by the time we enter the room.
As we stand across from one another I am shuddering trying to control my excitement. I am so close! So, so, so close!
Ok, be cool. You're on the home stretch, don't trip before the finish. Don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones, do-
"Lux, I'm not m-"
"SSSSSSQQQQQQUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
...
Crap.
Right, damage assessment time. I open my eyes. Currently wrapped around Brothers' chest as tightly as possible. Arms and legs, great. I seem to have thrown myself across the room. At least I'm still dressed, though I think I've been rubbing my crotch on him.
Yeah, how the hells am I going to explain this?
Slowly, I look up and hesitantly meet his eyes. I can feel my face heat up with embarrassment and...genuine shame, as I see the fear and concern in his expression. I...should stop with the con games, shouldn't I? I am trying to trick him into doing dirty things with me while he is...while he is...blast, he is tearing himself apart worrying about me.
Damnit damnit damnit.
I look down, untangling myself from him, and step away. I...can't even meet his eyes anymore. Damnit, I don't even deserve to look at him. How...how do I explain?
"Lux, wha-" he begins, but I cut him off before he can distract me.
"Stop. Just...just stop, for a minute. Please. That was all me. I...need a moment to order things."
He does as I ask without question. Good puppy.
I quash the urge to throw a treat at him.
It takes a few moments but, eventually I think I can explain.
Ok. Ok, now I need to work up the courage. This, this is my shot. No going back after. No little hints. Yes or no, if I miss...Oh gods what will I do if I miss? If he refuses? It's...hard to imagine he will, Brother has never absolutely refused me anything. Ever. But this? This is a rather significant matter.
I...I'm trembling. I can see a slight movement from Brother, his instinctive urge to comfort me. I want to accept, I want to so bad, but...I don't deserve it. Not yet, not after the shit I pulled just now, not even with a good excuse. Damn libido.
...
"Ok, easy topic first. Why I never tried to talk. I...I love you, Brother. You mean everything to me. I am not sure why I keep...attacking you like I do. At first, I was silent because I didn't know if I could talk. After a while, I decided that I shouldn't even make the attempt. If I didn't talk, I wouldn't attack you. It seemed to work at least somewhat. I haven't been bitchy since then, right?"
He hesitates, then nods. The hesitation from being reluctant to ever describe me as bitchy, even when I blatantly deserve it.
I really don't deserve you...
"Once we got to the inn, I, I had to speak up. It wasn't an option, I didn't even consider if I could or not."
...
Ok, now all you have to do is tell him why.
Just, you know, explain your extreme deviancy, the most hidden parts of your obsession. Cut to the heart of a matter that will define the rest of your life.
...
Talk about an immense taboo, one so rejected out of hand it might not even be illegal because no one even thought to make it so.
...
Tell him something that might invoke a disgust every bit as automatic and strong as his response to your piss jokes.
...
Something that he may not only turn you down on, but may even...may even...no...surely not that far...
...
Surely
...
Something that, if he says no... if he says no...
...
I start trembling.
...
I am already literally losing my mind. What the hell am I going to do if he r^jects me?
...
I...I don't know if I can do it.
...
The maybe is hard. But I can dream. I can hope.
...
I start to cry as I imagine what would happen without that safety net to clutch to...
...
...I can't do it. I can't risk it. He is min3! I can't even take the chance of losing him forever.
Suddenly he is here, arms wrapped around me.
I am crying into his chest, and everything is just a bit better.
"Shh shhh shhh. I got you Lux, I got you. Whatever it is, I've got you," he assures me as he carries me to the bed, sitting down with me on his lap, and rocking back and forth like I'm a fucking infant.
Which I'm not. Infants have a good reason to need to be treated this way, I don't.
Also, I am now alone in the bed with him, score.
...
I could milk this. I could soo manipulate this.
But I just promised not to fucking do that.
He deserves so much better. He is literally caring for me like a baby right now, while probably being terrified out of his mind. And I'm debating about how to get his pants off.
Brother...threw away everything for me. He didn't merely risk it, he took his life's work, everything he had achieved, and tossed it out like garbage, to come save me from that hell. And he is still doing everything in his power, for me.
...
I squeeze my eyes shut.
"Brother. I...I love you."
"I love you too Lux."
"No. I really, really love you. I...my collection. My Garen collection. It also included porn. Every bit of it I could find, buy, steal, or occasionally draw myself."
The rocking stops.
"I had to speak up earlier, because this whole scenario? Only one room left, so we have to share a bed? It is a literal porn fantasy. I have masturbated to this fantasy. About us. You and me. Many times. My mind was running wild while we were walking toward the room, and once we got here? I sorta, lost control for a moment because I was so excited at the mere chance of laying with you."
"I..."
"I've been hitting on you constantly. I avoided it around other people, but while you were carrying me? Anyone with any reasonable sort of social skills would have noticed. It amazes me that you never get at least a little suspicious. I was literally throwing my underwear in your face!"
I give him a moment to process before continuing.
"I know you essentially promised yourself to me Brother. As a protector, as a guardian, as a brother. To keep me safe. I...please...I'm sorry, but I am greedy. I want you, I need you, to be one more thing. To be mine, in one more way."
I open my eyes and turn towards Brother. "Please...will you be my lover as well?"
(Garen - PoV)
"Please...will you be my lover as well?" Lux asks as she turns her beautiful blue eyes towards me.
No. No, that is not fair, don't use the eyes! At least give me a moment to think before using the eyes!
I look away from her to try to focus on my thoughts.
Wow. I know I was just thinking about how I couldn't deny her anything but I didn't expect the universe to drop this into my lap. It wasn't meant as a taunt!
...Doubly ironic as she is literally in my lap at the moment.
...
This is important to Lux. *Direly* important. Given how she was acting right before her admission this has been eating her up inside. How much has my obliviousness hurt her? I...really need to go back through and try to think about a lot of our recent interactions.
Later. As I noticed, this is important to Lux. Vital, even. This could...gods this could break her worse than the academy managed to. How did she manage to build so much of herself around me without me even being there? Again, Later. For now, damage control. And, I have a life-defining question to answer. Right answer we live happily ever after, wrong answer...gods Lux, way to spring things on a guy...
...
Can I possibly see Lux in that light? Well, I'm not inherently grossed out at the idea like piss so, that's a step forward.
What about Lux herself? I say all the time how pretty she is. I just admired her eyes. Turning to look at her, really look at her...Yes, she's beautiful. Would I...Would I have sex with her? I've never thought of her in such a manner, but then, I've never really thought of almost anyone sexually. Actually, I've barely thought of sex at all. From what I understand that is rather unusual for most men. Something to look into later perhaps. That said, yes, I believe I would be willing. Another hurdle crossed.
Ok, any other reason to deny her? She is quite young and could change her mind in the future I suppose, but that's true for everyone. I certainly won't try to force her if she wants to leave later, so no problem. Ah, mental. I know she is not in her right mind right now. She has wanted this since long before that, so not a reason to deny outright, but at least a reason to take things slow.
...
I can't think of any other reason to deny her, but a lot of reasons to agree. Like the absolute terror she has of me refusing or the fact I fear it could literally drive her insane.
A provisional yes then.
Hrm, or perhaps...yes, there's an idea! That should be acceptable, and give me some breathing room to figure things out.
(Lux - PoV)
I can't help but get nervous when he looks away from me.
I know he is only trying to put his thoughts in order. I understand him, it is what he does.
It barely helps. It feels like he is avoiding looking at something nasty.
I focus on his arms. He isn't pushing me away, he's not horribly squicked out. That's a major factor bypassed. Probably the biggest one, even.
Eventually, he turns to look at me and...really looks at me. Cmon, cmon, please be acceptable...I know I don't have much right now but, I'm ok at least, right? I'll grow more soon!
Whew, ok, I think he's seriously considering.
Holy fuck, holy fuck, this is like, like all of the tests I've ever taken combined level of nerves, but more. I am rocking back and forth in my seat...which is the best seat ever by the way. It sucks that I am too wound up the appreciate it. Like really normally I would be over the moon about this, but right now its barely even noticeable.
After a few more moments he releases a big breath, he's decided.
"Ok, Lux."
"Y..Yes, Brother?" I manage to stutter out."
"I...do believe that I can agree with what you want," SQ- "however!" Oh Fuck! Nononononono.
"There is the temporary issue of whatever is currently affecting your mind." I hold my breath.
"So, while I would not feel right fully committing until we get you fixed up, I instead ask, dear sister, would you perhaps like to be my girlfriend?"
...Yes, I can absofuckinglutely live with this for now.
That "however" scared the life out of me though, so I am taking it out on his tonsils.
So I finally get my first kiss. Neither of us has any idea what we are doing, and I am sure trying to choke him out with my tongue is probably not exactly a beginner-level technique, and giving him no warning beforehand is maybe not the best idea, but I don't care, it is perfect.
Now, how far can I push this? I doubt Brother has any idea what Boyfriend/Girlfriend actually means...