FOREWORD

…Why do they call him Big Hat Logan?

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Welcome to this oneshot. I've been meaning to do a Discworld story for some time, but I've never been able to do it. Partly because I'd never be able to match the literary and comedic genius that was the late, great Terry Pratchett, but also partly because I wasn't sure how to do such a story.

But then, I had a flash of inspiration. The Librarian is already canonically known to travel through L-Space to retrieve books (as seen in Small Gods and The Science of Discworld, amongst other things), so why not have him travel to a certain library? Or rather, a certain archive?

I've been busy concentrating on From Software's latest offering, Elden Ring, to concentrate more on playing the Dark Souls games, let alone writing fanfic for them. But here's a nice, neat little story for you.

Anyway, time for the usual disclaimers. First, there will be spoilers, as well as references to dark themes.

Finally, the following is a fan-based work. Dark Souls and the Discworld books are the properties of their respective owners. Please support the official release. Otherwise, Havel will beat the crap out of you with his club ...

LOGAN AND THE LIBRARIAN

Vellichor. The smell of books(1). A most comforting smell. Logan had grown up around them from an early age, and he certainly found the smell more comforting than that of his fellow humans. Books could not hurt you, at least not deliberately. Of course, if a heavy enough tome was dropped from a great enough height, it would give even the stone-clad Havel the Rock a concussion at least.

They called him Big Hat Logan facetiously, because of the infamously wide-brimmed hat that hid his features. He did it to try and deter people from speaking with him, to mixed success, though he was polite enough for the most part when dealing with would-be students, wanted or not. His power and ability had won him great renown in Vinheim, much to his chagrin. Study and mastery was his goal, not the intrigue and power-grabbing of his native land.

He had always wanted to come to Lordran, to Anor Londo, and the Ducal Archives of Seath the Scaleless overlooking them. And when he became Undead, he leapt at the excuse to travel to Lordran, away from the treachery and politics. Not that he intended to follow that damned prophecy. Something about that reeked of mummers and greasepaint. No, let some other fool become the so-called Chosen Undead.

And here he was, in the Ducal Archives, having been helped by that Undead warrior who freed him both in Sen's Fortress and in Seath's prison elsewhere in the Archives. And at least he was away from Griggs, that would-be apprentice but really a spy and potential assassin. Now he could sit and read these books to his heart's content.

Still, it was concerning. Undead didn't need to eat or drink, save for Estus to heal their wounds, and sleep was optional. But time was peculiar in the Archives, or at least the perception of it. He wondered whether it was simply being lost in his studies, or the proximity to the very crystals that Seath himself had been obsessed with in his search for immortality. He could certainly understand why the Paledrake was oft considered insane. Some part of Logan knew he was beginning to become detached from reality himself.

So much so that, when a most peculiar figure waddled around the corner, a lot of books held under its arm, Logan only stared at it briefly, only to shrug, and chalk it up to either hallucination, or one of the many bizarre things that either Seath created, or else had captured. He decided that, as long as it didn't attack him, he would pay it no mind. Alas, reality proved otherwise.

"Ook?"

Logan looked up to meet the eyes of…well, was it an ape? He hadn't seen an ape like it before, either on his travels or in the books he had read. It was dumpy, covered in orange fur, with long arms that, oddly enough, seemed perfectly suited to carrying armfuls of books.

But he also knew that, despite its brutish features, it was clearly intelligent. Its utterance lacked eloquence, but its eyes did not. Sighing resignedly, he opted to participate in what was probably going to be a one-sided conversation.

"I'm sorry, but I would rather be left alone to read. I don't know whether you're a phantom conjured by my fevered mind, or one of Seath's minions or, Lords forbid, part of some perverse menagerie…"

"OOK!" uttered the ape. Clearly, his assessment offended him.

"…But I am just trying to read. These tomes are rather fascinating. Centuries worth of tomes either penned or collected by Seath the Scaleless himself! The finest library in this world, or indeed any other! So, kindly leave me to my reading."

Logan blinked, though, as he noticed the ape looking at him with an offended look in its eyes. It looked around the surrounding shelves, before it bared its teeth in something like a smile, though there was something of a challenging snarl in that rictus. And Logan got the impression he had made a terrible mistake.

Suddenly, the book was snatched from his hands, far more quickly than he would have credited the ape with, and said ape was scurrying over to a nearby wall. Logan stared after it in shock, before he snapped, "You simian fiend! Bring that back at once!"

"Ook, ook, EEK!" the ape shot back at him.

Incensed, Logan surged to his feet, and pursued the damned, dirty ape. He caught up with it just as it was about to move out of sight behind a bookshelf…

Only, just as Logan grabbed it…they were somewhere else. A vast canyon-like space. And…

"By the Lords…it's full of books!"

Well, the Secret Masters of the Library were never going to let him live this down, the Librarian thought to himself. Unfortunately, what was done was done. This Undead had followed him into L-Space inadvertently, and while technically the Librarian could take him back, what was there for him? Madness, infecting him. The book he stole from the Undead wizard wasn't too bad in that regard, but the Librarian knew that there were those that would drive this poor sod to madness.

No, maybe this Undead would be better off in Unseen University. That wasn't a thought that the Librarian considered lightly, but he had been to that world before, the one warmed by the primordial flame, where the gods shackled the potential of humanity. One that would end, one day, in ashes.

Besides, this Undead seemed like he would come to a rather horrible end, otherwise. The Librarian had some sort of bizarre premonition, given to him by the strange physics of L-Space, of the man stripped to his underwear and hat, screaming about how he was naked like Seath, and attacking all and sundry with both spells and the sight of his wedding tackle barely concealed by underwear. Not a pleasant sight all-round.

This Undead would probably fit in pretty well at Unseen University. He just wondered how this was going to be explained. But it was better that he was taken away from that library of madness. True, the Library at the Unseen University was filled with maddening things too, but usually kept well away from prying eyes and questing fingers.

Well, it was done. Time to face the music. And so, the Librarian moved on, his unintentional passenger following, through L-Space, and into the future…

THE END

ANNOTATIONS:

Nothing more to say, really.

1. This is actually a neologism, coined by John Koenig for his The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, but honestly, who's to say it doesn't exist across the multiverse?