A/N: Trigger Warning for mentions of child abuse, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.

3

"You're meeting at a Mexican place downtown. I don't think you need to dress up like this."

Annie was with the boys in their room, as Troy tried again and again to tie a tie. Abed looked up a tutorial online, and verbally instructed him on how to do it, but it didn't help him any.

Troy put on the same suit he wore for Shirley's wedding. He looked a bit awkward in it, and he was painfully overdressed for the place he was going to. It didn't help that he was bouncing up and down from nervousness.

"This is the outfit I wear, when I want to be a normal adult," Troy said, cursing under his breath as he failed again with the tie.

"You should stop with the Can't Buy Me Love trope and just be yourself around your sister," Abed said flatly, as he closed his laptop.

Annie nodded in agreement, "Yeah, Troy. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself."

"Yeah, well I need to. Growing up, she was always the smart one who had everything together. I need her to know that I'm a mature adult."

Annie narrowed her eyes, "Troy, when you accidentally hit the neighbor's car backing out, you tried to pay her with homemade coupons and a few video games."

"Yeah, so? One of them was a game that's not made anymore. It could be worth a lot of money. What are you trying to say, that I'm not a grown up?"

Annie, who still did not know how to approach Troy when he was like this, explained gently, "Adults don't use the word 'grown-up', and they don't make their bills into paper boats."

"We paid those…"

"Even after you pay them, Troy."

Abed, who knew his boyfriend was about to get irrational, placed a hand on his back, "We're terrible at growing up, but that's the way you've always liked it. You're willing to compromise that to impress your sister. If she doesn't like you as you are, she's not worth it."

Troy let out a breath, "I wish you were going with me."

He agreed with Abed earlier, that it would make the most sense for him to catch up with his sister for now, and then he could introduce her to Abed if that went well. Now as his nerves were getting the best of him, he started to regret it.

"We'll be right across the street if you need anything," Annie reminded him, going towards the closet he shared with Abed, "But I'm going to find something you'd be more comfortable in."

Annie would not rest, until Troy was in casual clothing and his favorite pair of sneakers. She even helped with his hair, even though Annie had no idea how to do anything to textured hair. He put on Abed's hoodie over him, as a blanket of security, before they headed out.

They all took Annie's car, with Troy and Abed in the back. Troy's knee had a mind of its own, as it bounced up and down erratically.

"You look great, sunshine," Abed broke in, pecking his cheek. He let Troy hold onto him, for longer than he was comfortable with.

Annie smiled, observing how sweet they were with each other. The times she tried to hug Abed, he acted like she was taking a layer of his skin off. But with Troy, everything was sincere.

For Abed, it was simple. Britta made them all take a test a few months back, on the 5 Love Languages. Troy got physical affection as his love language. As he tucked his head into Abed's shoulder, his arms tightly around him, Abed knew this was something Troy needed to be reciprocated, in order to make him feel loved. That meant more to him, than his predisposition to avoid touch. With Troy, felt a safe, warm feeling come over him as he held him close. This was someone who loved him, who he loved in return. It's something he saw in the movies, but never thought he'd experience in real life. He was going to hold onto it.

When Annie dropped Troy off at the restaurant, Troy kissed Abed and gave him another hug before exiting the car.

"I love you."

Abed kissed him back, "Love you too, sunshine. Have a nice time."

Troy walked into the restaurant, fidgeting with his hands. That's when he saw his sister, already sitting at a booth, playing on her phone. She looked different than she used to. She'd gained some weight and had box braids now instead of the chemically straightened hair. She looked nice, Troy thought. More healthy and natural. He took a step forward, rehearsing the same opening line in his head.

Hey, sis. Did people even say that anymore?
Hello Jasmine. To what do I owe the pleasure? Way too formal.

Hey, I know you haven't talked to me in years, and I know you probably feel bad but if this is out of pity just stop it. What was he even doing?

Imaginary Abed popped up, swirling around in his head.

If she doesn't like you as you are, she's not worth it.

He took another deep breath, sitting down in the booth across from his sister. She met her eyes with his, "Hey Jazz. It's nice to see you again."

She let out a small smile, observing his fidgeting and nervous posture, "It's nice to see you too."

He looked down at the glass of soft drink in front of him, "It's Lemon Fresco," she explained, "I know you used to drink it all the time when we were little. If that's okay."

Troy smiled a little, "No, it's fine. I love Lemon Fresco. It's still my favorite."

A wave of awkward silence passed over them. Troy cleared his throat, looking down at the menu to see it was a weird and incomprehensible font. He pretended to read it and looked up at her. Usually when this happened at restaurants and he couldn't read the menu very well, he'd ask someone to help him sound out the words or read the options to him. It was something Abed, Annie, Britta, and even Jeff had done quite a few times. He wanted to ask if Jasmine could help him, but he knew they weren't on that level yet. He already was vulnerable enough, and he didn't want to make things worse by adding his disability to it.

"So, what are you getting?"

She shrugged, "The chimichanga, probably. And a margarita. It's been a long day."

"Cool," he said, his tone faltering, "How have you been? I mean, it's been a long time."

Jasmine wondered when she'd address the elephant in the room, but she wasn't sure if it was wise to do it now. Not when her brother was trying so hard. She decided that the direct approach would spook him, and it was best to ease around until she could address the issue. Hopefully, that plan would work out better for both of it. For now, she could make small talk and update him about her life.

"I'm okay. I have a job lined up for this summer in Boulder, teaching theatre. I have a nice place downtown, where I live with my best friend… I got a dog..."

Troy interrupted her, bouncing and beaming at her last sentence, "I didn't know I was an uncle! What kind of dog is he?"

Jasmine chuckled a little. She turned to her phone, to show him a picture, "She. And she's a mixed breed, but they think she has some beagle and terrier in her. I got her at the shelter. Her name is Coco."

Troy nodded, half-smiling, but with a sort of confused look to his eyes, "That's cool. I didn't know dogs could be girls… I mean, I guess they can. My friend Jeff showed me pictures of… down there after I said all dogs were boys. He likes to ruin things like that."

Jasmine smiled, remembering Troy's odd beliefs and his ditzy personality. She missed it.

"It's like the time we were kids, and you told everyone that you thought you could feed my pet rabbit cereal flakes because of the Trix mascot."

"Momma got so mad when I fed Fruit Loops to the birds outside." Troy added, "I couldn't feel my butt for a week."

Jasmine frowned. Her mother's "old-school" discipline didn't affect her as much, because she tried her best to stay in line. Nana beat her with a switch a few times when she was very young, and she learned her lesson after that. Troy never seemed to learn, though.

She thought it would be best to change the subject, "So… What are you going to school for?"

"Oh, um… I'm doing this program where you learn to fix things. Air conditioning, plumbing, that sort of thing… It's boring, but I'm good with that. How about you, are you still doing singing stuff?"

"Yeah. I'm not on Broadway like I dreamed, but I'm going to get to teach, which will be something new," She thought about it twice, before she decided to disclose the information to him, "I decided to go that route, after I broke off my engagement."

Troy's eyes widened, his voice going high, "What? When did this happen?"

"Last year. A few months ago he got an amazing job offer in Vermont. We tried long distance, but when that didn't work we thought it would be best to just end the relationship."

She continued, when Troy didn't speak, "I've been okay, though. It was for the best. Even though I didn't miss first dates."

Troy laughed a little bit, as he made the predictable move of lowering his guard and getting carried away, "I haven't been on a first date in forever. Unless you count when Abed and I act like we're strangers. That's fun, though. We dress up, speak in funny accents, order a bunch of fancy food and…" Troy trailed off, as he saw his sister's confused expression, "Abed's my boyfriend."

Jasmine gave him a small smile, "How long have you been together?"

"Over a year," Troy responded, drumming his fingers on the table. He always got too excited, when he talked about Abed, "I mean, we were a thing for a long time before we made it official, but we defined things Valentine's Day our second year of college. We, um… We moved in together a few months ago. It's been going great! It's like having a sleepover every day!"

Jasmine nodded, about to say something else, when the waiter came to ask for their order. Troy didn't even look at his menu, saying a bit too loudly, "I'll have chicken tenders and fries."

The waiter squinted at him, "Sir, we don't serve that here."

"Oh, okay. I thought all places had that," Troy said, obviously embarrassed. Jasmine looked uncomfortable, as he opened the menu to point out a picture of a burrito of some sort, with an illegible description underneath, "I'll have this."

The waiter scoffed slightly, "Do you know what that is?"

Jasmine let out an annoyed breath, but Troy wasn't sure who it was towards, "Let me see it." He pointed to the picture, humiliated at this point. Jasmine read the caption underneath, looking back up at the waiter, "He'll have the fajita burrito grande. I'll have a chicken chimichanga and a strawberry margarita."

The waiter nodded, writing down the order, "Nice to know one of you can read. I'll get it in for you."

Troy put his head down. This happened so many times, at so many different places throughout his childhood. Usually, it was his parents who shamed him, and Jasmine did nothing. She'd just sit there, with the same uncomfortable look on her face she did now. What made him think that she'd be any different now?

Then, things were different.

"Hey!" Jasmine called out, more than loud enough to get the waiter's attention, "I would like to speak to the manager. That was uncalled for."

The waiter looked dumb founded, like he did nothing wrong. The manager, who was nearby, came over to ask what their problem was. This is when Troy spoke up, "I couldn't read the menu, so I pointed to the picture of what I wanted, and that waiter was very rude and made me feel embarrassed about it… I'm dyslexic."

Jasmine looked like it was news to her, and that's when Troy realized it was news to her.

The manager apologized, offered to pay for their meals, and then left with the waiter behind her. There was a silence that encompassed them afterwards.

"At least we get free food out of this," Troy tried to joke, as his sister would not stop looking at him like she was about to cry.

"Troy… I'm so sorry. I didn't know. How did I not know?"

He knew she at least deserved an explanation.

"My freshman year of college, I joined a Spanish study group after I failed my first two quizzes. They all noticed something was off, so Britta, a girl in my group, asked her brother who works in learning disabilities if he could test me. That's when I found out I'm dyslexic and have ADHD. I tried to tell Dad, but he just said it was an excuse. That I was still just lazy and didn't try hard enough…" Troy bit his lip, "He always made me feel so stupid."

A wave of guilt overwhelmed Jasmine, as she couldn't help but feel she was part of the problem. She watched and didn't do anything, when her parents would scold him for getting in trouble at school for being disruptive, or when he did poorly on every single report card. Honestly, she thought it was annoying growing up. She should've known, it was because he had a disability and difference of thinking, and not because he just wanted to be difficult.

"You should've told me, Troy."

"Yeah, well I didn't think you'd care. You never did seem to care about me. I always thought I was just a problem to you too." Troy spit out, knowing just how that would come across.

"Hey, Bubby."

It had been years since she'd called him that. Troy looked at her, "I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way. There's no excuse. I had no idea what you were struggling with. I was just thinking about myself and getting out because of how our parents are. I should've thought about you. I want to make it right now."

Troy felt like he was about to cry (again) but he wouldn't let the tears fall, "Thank you so much. I always thought everyone would hate me… That I had to be something I wasn't because who I am wasn't good enough. I, uh, thought you'd hate me too… Once you found out I'm gay. Like everyone else does."

Jasmine softened, as she reached out to place her hand on top of his, "Not everyone hates you, and those who do don't have a good reason to. I could never hate you, especially for being yourself."

That made the tears fall down Troy's cheeks, "I wish I would've heard that sooner. Maybe high school. Everything else wouldn't have been so bad."

"I'm sorry you didn't hear it sooner," she squeezed his hand, moving her thumb over his palm, "I know that everything you went through with your injury and losing the scholarship… That must've been so hard."

"Yeah…" Troy said. He swallowed, trying to keep it in, but he couldn't, "I did it on purpose."

Jasmine's mouth was open, "What?"

"No, forget I said anything."

"I can't. Troy…" She looked straight at him, her hand still gripped on his, "What do you mean, you did it on purpose?"

Troy found himself spitting everything out.

The night I dislocated my shoulders. We were playing spin the bottle before.

I… I had to kiss a guy.

I had a crush on him. I hated it, but I did.

He told me to "Man up", just gave me a peck on the lips and that was that.

That's when I realized why I didn't like girls like I should.

Yeah, I kind of knew already, but I'd never kissed a guy before. But now it was real, and I was so scared.

I was having panic attacks a lot before.

They were about everything. About the boys' locker room. About my grades. About liking guys. About Dad.

About going to a fancy college where I knew I would fail.

I had a huge one, though. After that kiss.

I thought I was going to die.

I came back to the party. No one asked where I was. No one cared. I realized how alone I was. I was prom king, the quarterback, but no one cared. It didn't matter.

They were doing keg stands.

I didn't think. I just did it.

I knew how to twist my arms the wrong way. I watched it in a video once.

It hurt so bad.

I was dropped off at the ER, but nobody stayed. They were all drunk and wanted to cover their own asses.

Dad yelled at me for three hours in the ER. Then he wouldn't talk to me all summer.

I wondered why I didn't just kill myself instead.

Jazz, it's okay. Don't cry.

I was just so mad at myself. For failing. For being gay. I thought I did the wrong thing.

I was alone and lost. At a new place where I didn't know who I was.

It was better to not know who I was, than to hate who I was.

I hated myself.

I thought I was dying inside.

I didn't understand, why everything happens the way it does.

Then I met Abed.

He drove me crazy. He was so sure of himself. He knew exactly who he was and didn't care what anyone thought. He knew he was different, but he liked that about himself.

He asked me to be in his study group. I didn't want to be, but I knew I needed to join or else I'd fail the class.

We worked on a project together. I yelled at him, because I couldn't understand it. He told me that he's autistic and gave this speech about not being ashamed by disability. Then he helped me. We created this rap together. By then, I already had a crush on him.

I spent more and more time with him. It felt weird, like I'd already known him before. He was the first person I could ever really be myself around. I tried to fight it, but I fell and I fell hard.

He saved me. He saves me every day.

I came out because I want to get married to him, start a family with him.

"Jazz, please say something," Troy said, after he was done explaining everything.

By this point, they had eaten their food. Jasmine was about to ask for the check. She wasn't sure what to say. She went back to being pissed at herself. Troy needed help, and she wasn't there for him. She should've known how lost and alone he felt. She just assumed that he was alright, that she could just move on without him. She looked at him, in his widened, vulnerable eyes. They demanded an answer.

"My roommate Carmen will be thrilled, to meet my gay brother."

This actually made him smile, "What?"

"Oh yeah, Carmen loves gay guys. She's going to be all over you and your boyfriend. I'm meeting him as soon as possible."

Troy's smile spread wider, reaching his whole face, "Awesome."

Jasmine paid the check, and they walked out together. Before he could leave, Jasmine tapped him on the shoulder. She felt there was something else she needed to hear.

"Oh, and by the way, I'm very proud of you, Troy."

She spent the rest of the night with no circulation around her waist, from how hard she was squeezed.