Chapter 2 – The Break
-:-:-
Occasionally, they'd get invitations to Auradon Castle to join Mal and Ben for brunch or a slumber party or a private day at the beach, because Mal needed friend time but her schedule was crazy. Add in the fact that she was in the process of planning her own wedding and Evie didn't get to see her as much as she would have liked, though she made a point to Facetime Mal at least once a night, the future queen always grumbling and tired but managing a smile just for Evie. Now that Doug knew the extent of their old arrangement, he understood the true fondness of that smile, but he refused to be jealous of it. Evie was a generous person. She gave her heart to a lot of people, and she'd suffered enough damage to know how that could hurt her in the end.
And yet, she still loved them.
Sometimes it boggled Doug's mind that someone so wonderful could have ever deigned to consider him worthy of her attention.
"Haven't seen you around much, lately," Mal drawled to Jay as they ate a private meal down by the beach, the others splashing in the water while she, Doug, and Jay stayed under the fancy canopy – complete with wooden floors and actual furniture. "You and Carlos having another video game marathon or something?"
"Or something," Jay echoed, taking a slow pull of his soda.
Mal rolled her eyes at his vague delivery and nudged him with sand-dusted toes, her lips drawing into a displeased pout. "Spill your secrets, Jadir. Ben and I miss you."
Jay let out a small huff. "I'm surprised Ben noticed I was gone."
In the distance, the king was busy picking Jane up with his beast strength, spinning her around in the water while the young Fae giggled in his arms before letting out a loud squeal as he hurled her into the waves. It was a good look on Ben, who was so busy with his work, who'd been forced to step up at such a young age.
"Is that why you left?" Mal asked, the teasing edge gone from her tone as she slid into something more serious. "Fuck, Jay – you know he would rather spend time with you than be in those stupid council meetings. You know I would rather spend time with you than deal with this royal bullshit-"
"Sorry," Jay interrupted with an apologetic shake of his head. "That came out wrong. That's not why I left, anyway."
"Then spill," Mal huffed, prodding him more firmly with her foot.
"Well, um." Jay ducked his head, half hiding his face with his soda bottle. "Evie and Carlos agreed to allow me in on their thing, so…"
"What thing?" Mal asked, flooding Doug with a sense of unease because apparently they'd really meant it when they said they wanted to keep things a secret.
Jay shot Doug a hopeful look, and despite the fact that this conversation was the last one he wanted to be a part of, Doug spoke up. "We're dating," he explained. "Evie, Carlos, Jane, and I. Jay joined that, so we're all dating."
There was a pause where Doug did not imagine the way Jay's shoulders tensed, the way Mal's gaze went wide.
"You can do that?" she asked eventually, her voice barely audible above the ocean waves.
"That's what I said," Jay pressed. "But if Uma's doing it-"
"Uma's not the heir to a kingdom, Jay," Mal pointed out.
Jay held up his hand in surrender. "She decided this before I joined them, okay? It's a done thing, and we're pretty happy together."
"It's bullshit," Mal hissed, her eyes flaring green. "You guys were mine first."
"You're the one who got engaged, Mal," Jay shot back, something hurt in his tone. "You're the one that encouraged us to get Auradon partners like you. Don't get mad because we decided we wanted to fall back together."
"I love you assholes too!" Mal snapped, making Doug rock back at her vehemence, though he had no surprise. Of course she loved them. She was a dragon, they were her hoard. It was very straightforward. "You think Ben doesn't care about you? Sometimes I pretend to be you while I'm working him over-"
"Maybe you shouldn't tell us that without Ben's permission," Doug cut in, feeling off-balance.
Immediately, Mal's expression crumbled. "Sorry," she murmured, as though remembering he was supposedly asexual. "I'm getting Ben."
"And doing what?" Jay asked as she stood up. "We're not breaking up."
"I'm not going to ask you to break up, genius," Mal drawled, rolling her eyes. "I'm gonna ask if we can join, but I gotta talk Ben through it first."
"Oh." Jay blinked, and then instead of discouraging her, he blushed, digging his toe into the sand. "You think he'd want the rest of us?"
"Stop fishing for compliments," Mal huffed. "We once walked in on Evie and Doug making out and it was like- instant boner. I think it'll be fine."
"Um," Doug said, but she was already walking away, storming into the ocean like a one-woman army.
"Would you be okay with that?" Jay asked as they watched her get to work, the future queen detouring to magic a wave into Carlos that left him collapsing against Evie with a few laughs before she pounced on Jane, who took the attention with another squeal before the both went down.
"I never thought they'd be interested," Doug admitted honestly. If Ben had gotten a boner from watching them, he'd likely been focused on Evie. Doug always thought the king stared at her a bit more than he should, but he'd also thought that maybe he was just being a bit paranoid.
Apparently he wasn't.
"Yeah, me neither," Jay replied, seeming comforted by Doug's uncertainty. "I mean, I knew Mal liked us, I- we thought she'd moved on."
"I heard someone mention once that there was no moving on from crew," Doug mused, watching as Mal finally cornered Ben, pulling him into a whispered conference that had his expression darkening with a brilliant flush.
"Who said that?" Jay asked, likely seeking a distraction. "That sounds like a very dashing and good-looking dude, right there."
"I mean." Doug forced himself to shrug. "One out of two isn't bad."
"One out of two, my ass," Jay huffed, dragging Doug into his lap with a squawk, and maybe then they started kissing, the sticky taste of soda sweet on the Agraben's lips, Doug trying not to get distracted by that mass of skin at his disposal, making him grateful he hadn't taken his shirt off.
Things were changing, would change again, but at the very least he had this, which was probably a comfort in itself.
Probably.
-:-:-
Suddenly Doug went from living in Evie's cottage to living in Auradon Castle and he barely knew how it happened.
Obviously, Ben wasn't going to say no to Mal, and apparently he actually was attracted to the rest of them because he took the development completely in stride, happy to cuddle and be with them during his few moments of free time.
Doug went from a relatively peaceful existence to a giant castle with people everywhere, always working, always looking after him. Ended up with Ben and Mal's assistants tracking him down at odd moments for scheduled lunch time with the king or the future queen. He found himself taking on some of the legislature work Jane was dealing with in addition to supporting Evie through her own heir studies and his own double majors and his master portfolio and managing her company, and it seemed like a lot but he'd never seen Evie look happier, at least in the moments he actually got to see her. That seemed to be happening less and less, and the first full week they were in the castle Evie was in Ben and Mal's bed, because she and Mal were bonded in a way few others were and Ben loved her so much, leaving Doug to bounce between Jay, Carlos, and Jane.
It didn't hurt, it didn't. Doug wasn't surprised that the others realized how wonderful Evie was. He wasn't surprised that they loved her. He knew hoarding her all to himself would be a disservice to the world. He just wished he felt a bit more stable, was all. It felt like the ground beneath him kept shaking, and with his portfolio due date drawing closer, the walls seemed to be closing in too.
But he pressed onwards, because that was what dwarfs did. They didn't quit. They didn't shake. The forged ahead.
So that was what he did.
-:-:-
"Guess who's joining us for dinner?" Mal announced as she strolled into their private dining room, the answer to her question apparent when Uma and her pirates trailed in half a second after her. "Tell Pierre to change the menu, we're having shrimp tonight."
"Hilarious," Uma drawled, making extra sure to roll her eyes before making a beeline for Ben, who she often worked with on the refugee care programs. "We better be getting some of that grey stuff or we're out of here."
"I told the chefs to make a double batch," Ben informed her sagely, thus earning another smile of approval while Mal pouted behind them.
"Jay!" Gil cheered, more or less bouncing over to the Agraben while Harry followed with a reluctant stroll. "How many kisses did you end up getting? I got 32, and I definitely didn't miscount those."
At that, a majority of the room seemed to tense, Jay flushing darkly while Carlos looked about two seconds from bursting into a round of unapologetic laughter.
"What?" Harry drawled. "Ye two have some kind of contest?"
"Yeah," Gil chirped. "Jay said he had so many people to kiss now, that…" He trailed off. "Oh, that was supposed to be a secret. Rats."
"Finally get yourself a girlfriend, Jay?" Uma asked, quirking a brow at the Agraben. "Boyfriend? Both?"
"Third option," Gil cheered, seeing as he already let the cat out of the bag. "And he has way more than me, so he thought he'd get more kisses, but I was pretty sure I could match him."
"Jay, you dog," Mal griped, tossing a balled up cloth napkin at her boyfriend's face. "Don't make our kisses competitive."
"Like I ever don't want to kiss you," Jay grumbled. "I wasn't even trying! I just knew I'd win anyway."
"Hold up a second," Uma said, holding up a hand. "You're dating king and poser?"
Evie cleared her throat. "We're all sort of dating," she said, motioning to the rest of them.
There was a moment where the pirates looked suitably impressed.
"Whoa," Gil said. "No wonder you thought you could win."
"I got 78, by the way," Jay drawled, giving Gil a wink when the second mate sighed at his loss.
"You guys are crazy," Uma declared, crossing her arms. "No way that's not going to end up in a mess."
"You're just saying that because you're jealous," Mal declared, motioning for all of them to take their seats.
"Fuck yes, I am," Uma said, startling the rest of them. "In case you haven't fucking noticed, all of these surprise visits were our attempt to woo your dumb asses. You guys and Jay, at least." She scanned her eyes over the rest of them. "Though if you're willing to claim these guys, I suppose they can't be bad."
"Excuse you," Mal huffed. "They are the fucking best and don't you forget it."
"In that case, we want in," Uma declared, sweeping into her seat with a cocky grin. "Let Jay scratch that Gil-shaped itch he's had for all these months."
"We'll have to talk about it," Mal said, filling Doug with a small measure of relief.
At least until Carlos spoke up. "We could just vote, couldn't we?"
The problem with voting was the tendency for peer pressure. For making decisions you might otherwise not because everyone could see you. Doug supposed if he felt more comfortable in his relationship, he'd speak up but-
The human half of him was weak.
When they asked all in favor, he raised his hand same as everyone else, and that was how he ended up with yet more partners.
-:-:-
It wasn't bad.
Just- there wasn't a lot of Evie. Doug missed Evie, but he had to share her, and she wanted all these other very good looking, charismatic, larger than life people. Doug couldn't hold her back from that, and more importantly, he didn't want to. So he started seeing less of her, started sharing less of her bed, but that was okay. Doug still had Jane, he still had Carlos and Jay, sort of, when they weren't busy with the pirates, who didn't seem to know what to do with Doug.
Frankly, Doug was still struggling with the idea of Ben and Mal as partners. Ben was sweet in his attention, never moving past deep kisses, eager to trade books with Doug or cuddle him, and Mal always smiled at him fondly, complimenting him and rewarding him for doing so well for Evie. Things had been a bit hard with Ben because Ben was perfect, his body was perfect, Doug had seen him strolling out of the shower, the king entirely unabashed to lose his towel and flex for their appreciation while Doug just wanted the ground to swallow him whole and be done with it.
Adding the pirates to that…
Just- how was he supposed to compare to Gil and Harry? They were both so attractive and charismatic. They didn't care what anyone thought of them – wore what they wanted, acted how they pleased, took what they needed. Harry never thought anything of flirting with Jane until she was red in the face, of acting sweet on her like it was as easy as breathing. And Gil was- Doug was pretty sure no one could be upset when Gil was around because he was so nice. He made everyone happy just by being nearby, and sure he was kind of dumb, but he was also really good looking and then Uma had Evie's eye in a way Doug could never manage.
Maybe that stung a little? Doug didn't know, he tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about the unapologetic way Harry flirted with everyone until the first mate had set his eyes on Doug, cornering him in his office where he'd been buried in work, wondering if sleeping that night was really worth it for all the time it would lose him.
"Hey, duckling," Harry greeted in a drawl, one hand sliding the length of Doug's tense shoulders before he leaned forward to nuzzle his neck. "Working hard?"
Doug felt himself blush. "Trying," he admitted, doing his best not to tense as Harry kissed up his neck, licking at a sensitive spot just under his ear until Doug was shuddering helplessly.
"Ye should take a break," Harry hummed, turning Doug's chair away from his desk in a swift movement before the first mate was pulling Doug to his feet, claiming his lips like it was the simplest thing in the world. "Pretty thing, aren't ye?" he asked between kisses, his hands burning like brands against Doug's hips. "Ye should hear the way princess gushes about ye."
"Evie t-talks about me?" Doug gasped, Harry sucking a new mark against the curve of his neck, something Doug hadn't experienced before that made him tremble, filled him with an unyielding warmth that left him weak at the knees.
"Certainly," Harry murmured, one of his hands untucking Doug's shirt and the dwarf-kin didn't stop him even though he should, he needed- he should say something. "Says you're a sweetie. That you're steadfast." He bit into Doug's skin, tongue swirling against the abused flesh in a sort of apology. "I'll admit, I'd like to see how steadfast ye can be."
And then his hand was dipping lower, grazing Doug's thigh before he reached between his legs-
"No!" Doug found himself scrambling back, knocking over his desk chair in his efforts to escape before he crumpled to the ground in an awful pile of humiliation. "I'm sorry- I don't- I should have said- I'm sorry."
"Duckling…" Harry had both of his hands held up, eyes wide as he looked at Doug's trembling form, the musician struggling to steady his breathing. "It's okay. I should have asked."
"I'm sorry," Doug repeated, feeling a terrible heat build in his eyes, the world blurring with tears as he felt himself pathetically begin to cry, because a cute guy had almost touched his- his stupid- "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Ye didn't do anything wrong," Harry soothed, crouching low so there wasn't as big a height difference between them. "Who do ye need? Do ye want me to call princess?"
"No." Fuck, he didn't want Evie to know about this. He didn't want anyone to know about this. He wanted to be normal. "I'll- I'll do it, I just- I need to-" He let out a shuddered gasp that sounded close to a croak.
"I'm sorry, Doug," Harry said, looking genuinely apologetic. "I… do ye need space?"
"Please," Doug gasped, scrubbing at his cheeks. "I'd um- I'd- this wasn't your fault. You're fine. It's- I'm the- you didn't do anything wrong."
"Okay," Harry said, not seeming to believe him. "I'll- I'll give ye some time, but then I'm gonna send one of the others, okay?"
Seeing as Doug didn't have a choice in it, he could do nothing but nod, give Harry his thanks even if the only thing he wanted to do was hide away.
The pirate left, and Doug stumbled into the secret passage way hidden behind his bookcase, making his way out towards the private beachside outlook everyone seemed to forget about. He spent a few minutes crying out his humiliation before he fumbled for his phone, sending a text to Jane to let her know he'd be missing dinner, and if she could pretty please tell the others, he'd appreciate it.
It wasn't fair putting her in that spot, but Doug didn't feel like being fair that moment. He mostly just wanted to breathe.
He sat there, waiting for her response, when he saw he had an unread text from Chad. He opened it out of curiosity and laughed at the dumb meme he found inside. Chad sent those a lot, mostly to share his own 'comedic genius' because Audrey found the entire concept of memes stupid. Reading back on their text message history, Doug was sort of glad that she did, because the dumb things Chad sent him always seemed to be a small highlight of his day.
It was enough to set his hands in motion, to have him calling Chad despite the fact that nine times out of ten the blond was busy.
"Douglass!" Chad cheered, as though to prove that sometimes things could fall in his favor. "How are you doing, my main man?"
"I'm um- okay," Doug lied. "I was actually hoping you could tell me about your day?"
There was a beat, and then, "Sure, Dougo. I'd be happy to. Let's start with the delicious gossip I heard from the girl who sits behind me in econ-"
There was something grounding about listening to Chad talk about things that would never be of any consequence to Doug. About petty classmates and tea time gossip and the latest tv show he and Audrey were binge watching. About his garden and Audrey's latest batch of sketches and the new dishes he wanted to try making.
"Speaking of," Chad said when they'd been chatting for about an hour. "Have you eaten?"
"No," Doug said, flushing at the empty feeling in his stomach, because he was pretty sure he'd worked through lunch and just sort of not noticed.
"Would you like to fix that?" Chad pressed. "I can send a car to pick you up. Food should be done by the time you get here."
"It's late," Doug said, even though the prospect of not being around the bustling life of the castle sounded amazing.
"Then spend the night," Chad declared. "We've got a guest room. It's a nice guest room, with bottles of mini toiletries and everything. I might have gotten on an online shopping kick; we don't need to go into details."
Despite how crummy Doug's evening had been, he couldn't help but laugh. "Um, okay. That- if Audrey doesn't mind."
"She does not," Chad pledged. "She's been wanting to talk to you about some of the stuff in your art appreciation class anyway. Now, pack a bag. The car will be at the cottage in thirty minutes."
Doug tensed. "I'm actually at Auradon Castle right now. I was working on some stuff for Ben…"
"Say no more," Chad offered, making Doug's shoulders slump with relief. "I'll lend you some clothes, and drop you by the cottage tomorrow. It'll be fine, Doug-o. Don't worry about it."
"Okay," Doug sniffed, wiping at his cheeks once more and feeling relieved when they still came back dry. "I'll um- wait at the guest entrance."
"Please and thank you, my dude. I'll see you soon."
"Bye, Chad," Doug said, grinning when he ended the call.
He could still have normal. Everything didn't have to be hard. He just- he needed a break, was all.
-:-:-
The evening at Chad and Audrey's penthouse apartment was a refreshing breath of fresh air. Chad's culinary experimentation was actually a rousing success, and it was fun to see the way he flushed under Doug and Audrey's justified praise before he plied them with a five layered dessert trifle that he was obviously quite proud of.
Audrey and Doug ended up getting some work done on the one class they shared by happenstance, the one Doug had hoped would be a blowoff that turned out to be anything but before Chad demanded Doug watch the best movie ever (Audrey mouthing 'for that week' behind him), which was how Doug ended up watching a light-hearted feel-good movie filled with stupid jokes and enough happy endings to leave even Fairy Godmother happy.
"It's so nice," Chad sniffed when they got the end, Audrey passing over a tissue without having to be asked before she pressed a kiss against his shoulder.
"You boys want to have a sleepover?" she asked as she cleaned the dishes, Chad working behind her to put away the food. Doug had offered to help, but they had both sort of stared him into submission. "You could share the guest room – it would be like old times."
"Doug-o?" Chad asked, seeming hopeful. "You in, or do you need space? Both are totally good and supported."
And offered by one of the people Mal considered the most thoughtless, though here he was, giving Doug the consideration most of his romantic partners didn't.
Doug swallowed.
He was so tired of being alone.
"A sleepover would be fun," he said, grinning bashfully at the excited fist Chad punched into the air.
They ended up sharing the bed, but it was fine, because Chad was busy plying Doug with enough fluffy blankets and stuffed animals to make Doug's head spin. And it was strange, preparing for bed in a new bathroom and wearing Chad's lounging clothes to sleep, but it was also kind of nice too, especially when Chad clicked on a nightlight that projected an accurate portrayal of Hanover's constellations onto the ceiling.
"Just like old times, huh?" Chad asked, staring fondly at the lights dancing up above them.
It had been one of the contributions Doug had made to their relationship when he and Chad had first started rooming together in junior high, the blond seeming to have nightmares every other night. Chad had resorted to sleeping in the closet just to let Doug get some sleep, though he'd insisted it was because the feng shuiwas better in there, which Doug had bought until he heard the prince whimpering through the door.
From there, Doug had brought out the small lantern his uncle had given him as a parting gift – something to make Doug feel less homesick. Dwarves were creatures used to mining the depths of the earth, and as a result Doug had darkvision that never left him trapped in shadows, but the lantern shared a piece of home.
Originally, Doug had been embarrassed by it, thinking whatever roommate he had would consider him a baby if he used it.
That couldn't be further from the truth when Doug set the lantern up, tugging Chad out of the darkness of the closet and watching him stare at the ceiling in awe.
"My uncle made it," Doug explained.
"Your uncle's amazing," Chad replied, not the least bit insincere.
Doug had ended up giving Chad the lantern as a graduation present. Chad had stared at it for a full thirty seconds, trying to blink away happy tears before he threw himself at Doug with a wet guffaw Doug was kind enough to ignore.
He hadn't known he'd missed it until now, but seeing those familiar lights seemed to sooth something within Doug, reminding him of simpler, easier times.
"Yeah," Doug said, working around a new lump in his throat. "Just like old times."
-:-:-
Things couldn't progress as they were. Doug knew that. Intellectually, he knew this was unsustainable, that he was being overwhelmed, but he thought that if he could just stick with it, things might be okay. If he could just make it past his Master Artist performance, that would be one thing off his plate and then he'd be able to breathe a little easier. He could take comfort in the pride he brought his family, he could feel confident about this one thing, and then he could tell the others and maybe they'd celebrate? They liked having excuses to do that, and they didn't even necessarily need to focus on him, but if he could get some quality alone time with Evie, that- that would be nice, was all.
The day of his presentation was rife with nerves, but Doug got through it. He completed the combat challenges despite being weaker than most of the competitors. He demonstrated his dwarven might and presented his portfolio to the committee for their consideration. He performed before the king and earned a smile, the dwarven contingent letting out a thunderous round of applause for his musical talent.
He got through it all, and the only thing that was left was to stand before the committee itself for an obligatory, if unimportant, question and answer session.
"You'll do great, Runnel," his father murmured, squeezing Doug's wrist in a look of open pride. "You've done so very well, my boy, and I'm so proud of you, no matter what happens."
"Thanks, dad," Doug said, knew it was strained because he might say that but failure wasn't an option for these things. Failure couldn't be allowed. No one else in his family had ever failed the Master's test, not even his father, whose nickname was Dopey.
He had standards to uphold, he could only hope now that he managed to achieve them.
He schooled himself as best he could, calmed his nerves by rereading old texts from Evie and Chad before he was finally called before the committee.
The room was designed for dwarves, and while the ceilings were high and grandiose, the committee judgement table wasn't, leaving Doug to somewhat tower over them as they stared at him with harsh eyes. These weren't the same dwarves that had cheered for him at his private performance. These dwarves expected more from him. They had standards.
Piece by piece, they went through his portfolio, then went through all the steps he had taken so far. Everything seemed to be acceptable, up to snuff, except-
"The thing is," the head councildwarf was saying. "These trials are reserved for dwarf kin, not halflings. Your efforts are admirable, Douglass, but to give you the designation of master would be unjust."
Doug felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like all the wind had been ripped from his lungs. "If you'll pardon me, Committeedwarf Rormur, but Happy's son-"
"Is wanted by both of his parents," the councildwarf finished dryly. "Your human mother, after whom you so greatly take after, could not be bothered to do the same for you. We cannot weaken the title of Master Artist – Douglass, son of Ori – and though you have made a commendable effort, we cannot now, nor ever shall, call you a master. You're dismissed."
"T-Thank you for your consideration," Doug said, falling into a bow on auto pilot before he retreated from the room altogether.
He managed not to cry until he exited the mountain, sending a text to his father to say he'd been called back to Auradon on important business so he wouldn't have to face the entirety of his family and explain what happened. He knew they were waiting with a surprise party, his uncle had warned him, and to watch their faces fall-
Doug cried in the back of the limo Ben had lent him, feeling smaller than he ever had before, because now he didn't even have his music to protect him. It was a stupid thing to study anyway. The committee was right, he wasn't a proper dwarf, he wasn't properly wanted. He was weak stock.
And Erebor, much like the rest of the world, had no use for such things.
-:-:-
Doug started to lose the thread of things after that. He didn't mean to, he knew this wasn't the end of the world, it was just hard to touch his trumpet, hard to attend his music classes when he knew it was for nothing. Hard to explain his sudden depression when he hadn't even told the others about his Master presentation in the first place. He'd wanted it to be a surprise when he was done, because he hadn't been sure he could get it. He hadn't wanted to disappoint them.
Now he only disappointed himself.
Everything seemed to be piling up. School and work and legislature and partners – new etiquette classes for how to be the king's consort, how to handle himself with the press. Meetings with Queen Snow so he could handle himself with Evie for Hanover-specific things. Phone calls to dodge from his family, questions to dodge from Harry. There were people everywhere but he felt horribly alone because who was he supposed to tell his problems to? He didn't want to bother Evie, who was already dealing with so much, and Jane was so taken with the pirates and Ben was right out-
He felt like he was drowning, until the big fashion show that was supposed to be months was suddenly there, and Doug was scrambling to ensure everything was in place, that setup and security and their vendors and publicity team and production team were all perfectly coordinated, and somehow he was in charge of all that while midterms were looming on the horizon and Doug felt like he couldn't breathe.
As far as Doug could tell, the fashion show was a success. Everyone seemed happy, everyone seemed to be in place, looking especially attractive in the outfits Evie had made for them specifically. Doug could see them from the backstage area, all of them sitting together, laughing, smiling at each other like nothing was wrong, like they had everything they needed right here, and Doug-
He was so tired. He was hungry because he kept skipping meals and exhausted from balancing so many things and overwhelmed and sad and hurting, and he held on for as long as he could, he held on until everyone had moved to the post-show reception, until Evie had given her interviews, held on until he could pull her aside when everyone was busy because he felt like he was breaking into pieces.
"I can't do this anymore," he told her, eyes hot and itchy from lack of sleep. "I can't be your boyfriend. Their boyfriend. I'm sorry, Evie, I tried. I tried really hard, but I can't do this."
"Doug," Evie began, her brows furrowed in confusion, in disbelief because she hadn't realized anything was wrong. "Doug, talk to me-"
"I am," Doug said, stepping away when she reached for him. "This is me, talking to you. I can't do this, Evie. I can't do- I can't do all of it, and that's okay. That's okay, but I need to step out, and you need to let me."
She'd miss him because she was sweet, but she wouldn't break without him, not the way he would without her.
"Doug," Evie repeated, stricken, not at all like the talented artist that had just hosted a very successful fashion show. "Please, give me a chance-"
"You didn't do anything wrong," Doug interrupted, because she needed to know that. "I did. You were perfect, Evie, you're always perfect. Don't doubt that, I just- I have to go."
"Doug-" She reached for him and he jerked away, stumbling out of the room and out of the building and into the darkness of night, marching down the road before he could think to do anything different.
When it started raining, he wasn't even surprised. Why shouldn't it rain? He was already miserable; he was already hurting.
At the very least now he was free. At least he had that.
It just didn't feel like a substantial consolation.
-:-:-
Endnotes:
That's because it isn't, Doug.
Story notes:
Turns out there is definitely a random Tolkien name generator online, I used that to come up with the name Rormur, the evil dwarf.
Runnel is a very clever nickname I came up with for Doug. Being that Doug means 'a stream', and runnel is a synonym for stream… I know, I am the most creative person ever ;)
In real-world relationship terms, you probably shouldn't break up with someone before informing them that there is a problem and allowing them to like, address it. For angst reasons, Doug neglected to do that in every capacity, but I thought that should be acknowledged.
Until next time :)