Chapter 9 – Ben

-:-:-

While they made good progress on the pirate front, the others still seemed to be wary, though Doug understood why. Jay, Carlos, and Evie had been open about their affection for Doug and Jane and they'd still left because they hadn't communicated their needs. Mal and Ben still seemed on edge because, as far as Doug could tell, they were always weird about Audrey and Chad. Maybe it was preemptive defensiveness since the other two had been so against them before the Queen of Mean thing? Doug and Jane had theories about it, though they never seemed to get any definite leads.

"That's nice," Jay said, nodding to Doug's ring as the two of them worked together to set the table inside their suite's private kitchen. "Did Chad or Audrey get it for you?"

His tone was neutral, but Doug could discern a distinct judgement therein, a fight he was looking to pick because Jay was still struggling with how best to handle his feelings of frustration. It made Doug ache for him, because Jay had tried to do right by them, had feared 'fucking things up', and likely wasn't pleased with the implication that things had not been fine, despite the fact that the multitude of issues that plagued their past relationship were by and large beyond his control.

Chad, upon hearing his name, looked up from where he and Gil were working on dinner, Carlos perched at the breakfast bar typing away at his laptop, a compromise they'd managed to reach when they realized that the scattered electrical components of his homemade gadgets tended to set Chad on edge. As a result, all tinkering was relegated to the workshop or his bedroom, areas Chad vowed to avoid and not clean up even though he really wanted to.

"I earned it, actually," Doug explained, toying with the ornamental ring that had been presented to him at the Masters ceremony, along with the hair bead he currently had braided into his brown locks. "It's a master's ring. When dwarflings reach their majority, they can apply for an audience with the master's committee to present their work – mine was music composition. I presented a portfolio of stuff I'd composed and played before the king, and since my work was considered satisfactory, they allowed me the title of master. Eventually, I mean."

Jay blinked at him, obviously surprised by the explanation as the others began to trickle in. "What do you mean, eventually?"

"He means that originally the committee turned him down because they were racist assholes," Chad said, butting into the conversation when it was obvious Doug was getting uncomfortable. "He did the work, and it was good work, but they didn't want to make him a master since he's half human."

"That wasn't their entire reasoning," Doug admitted, frowning at the table as he focused on evenly spacing out the cloth napkins. "Happy's son is half-human too. Just- since my mom um- didn't want me- I mean, they were fishing for excuses, obviously. A lot of people are jealous of my dad, and-"

"Hold the phone," Chad interrupted, and distantly, Doug heard him switch off the stove and cross the room so he could wrap an arm around Doug's shoulders. "They told you that?"

"Yeah," Doug admitted, easily melting into the half-hug Chad pulled him into. "Since the weaker part of my heritage, supposedly, found me undesirable, how could I ever do justice to the title of master? They told me I couldn't apply again, that it- I was done." He shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut, because even though it'd been fixed, it had hurt so much at the time. "And- I mean, because I'm only half-dwarf, I needed the master's certification if I wanted to live in Erebor with my dad. Or even visit easily, or contribute to the guilds…" He broke off with a shudder, and that time Chad hugged him properly, Doug crying even though they'd fixed it. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Chad soothed, rubbing a hand down Doug's back. "That was an awful thing they did. Barring you from being with the only family you have when you did the work, I'm fucking glad Audrey yelled at them."

"Who did Audrey yell at?" Mal asked, choosing that moment to stroll in through the door. "Why's Doug crying?"

"Because some committee was fucking terrible to him," Jay said, wrapping himself around Doug's back until he was in a proper group hug. "When did this happen?"

"A couple weeks before I broke up with you guys," Doug sniffed, gratefully accepting the handkerchief Chad passed over to him. "I um- I didn't tell you in case I failed, but I- I didn't think I would actually fail, and when I did, it just…" He shuddered again. "I know I'll spend most of my life in the human world, I know that's where I belong, but it's my dad. It's my uncles and my family and my home, and I was letting them down."

"You didn't let anyone down," Chad soothed, nuzzling the side of his face. "You passed with flying colors. You made King Thorin smile. He asked you to place a piece for his nephew's wedding. That's a big deal, and you got it because you're so fucking talented, Doug."

"I'm so sorry," Jay murmured, squeezing him close. "I had no idea."

"I didn't tell you," Doug sniffed. "I didn't tell you a lot of stuff. I just- I didn't know how."

"And Audrey… she fixed things?" Mal wandered closer, seeming to hesitate before Chad motioned her in, and then Carlos and Gil were drawing near as well.

"She threatened to have Auroria and Ulstead cut off trade with Erebor if they didn't give him a fair ruling," Chad explained. "Don't tell Ben, he needs to have plausible deniability."

"Fucking hell," Mal said, like she couldn't quite believe it.

"Fucking hell?" Jay scoffed. "Fucking go her, is more like it."

"She didn't do it to make him owe us," Chad spoke up.

"No, she did it because it was right," Mal said, seeming to get it. "Just like she does all that other shit." She fell against them with a huff. "I guess I'm not the bigger person anymore."

"You can both be big people, Mal," Doug informed her sagely. "You're both strong and protective and hard working. It doesn't have to be one or the other, you're both great."

"And, you know," Chad cut in. "If you worked together you could probably take over the world. I'm just saying."

"Throw in Uma and the rest of us would be toast," Jay murmured, getting a small laugh from Gil.

"Okay," Mal said, as close to approval as she would ever get. "We'll- I'll do that later, but for now, we cuddle Doug, because he's a fucking master, and a great dwarf."

"Half dwarf," Doug corrected, feeling his cheeks flush with warmth.

"You're full dwarf to us, baby," Chad chirped, and with a grin that obnoxious, how could Doug not kiss him?

And if the others pressed in, wanting their own kisses, who was Doug to deny them either?

-:-:-

The story got repeated at dinner, and more than one person was furious at the declarations of the committee.

The one good thing about Doug's past trials coming to light was that the others seemed to appreciate Audrey more, saw her determined ways as a bonus rather than an annoyance, which was really all Doug could hope for.

"I'm sorry," Evie said later that night, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's fine," Doug soothed, pulling her into a hug. "I didn't tell you. How are you supposed to know if I don't talk to you?"

"It's not fine," Evie said. "You were first. You should have been my priority, but I kept getting sidetracked when we added new people and I- I feel like I've had a monopoly on mom issues, when you never talked about yours and I never thought to ask."

"To be fair, I didn't want to talk about her," Doug said. "I don't know anything about her, really. My dad thought it was better that way."

Doug was a curious individual by nature – if given a name, there was no guaranteeing that he wouldn't eventually try to track her down and ask her why she'd done what she did.

"The point is, I lost track of you," Evie said. "You were suffering-"

"Evie, I didn't talk," Doug pressed, because he knew that was one of the biggest failings of their past relationship. "I never talked about how insecure I was or how much I missed you or how uncertain I felt with the others. I never asked to slow down or step back when I was feeling overwhelmed, even though both of those things would have helped. What I'm saying is we both messed up."

"Just…" Evie trailed off, biting at her bottom lip. "Why didn't you tell me? About your master's portfolio, I mean. You had to have worked on that for years, but I never knew about it."

Doug ducked his head, because there wasn't really a good reason for that. "I guess I was afraid of failing. I thought it would be easier if I kept things to myself, but it just made it worse when I actually failed."

"But you didn't," Evie said, pulling him into a hug. "Because Audrey fixed it."

"You guys might have been able to fix it," Doug said. "I didn't think it could be done, which was why I didn't mention it, but if I'd just talked…" He trailed off. "It's behind us, now."

"Let's just try to keep looking towards our future," Evie gushed, hugging him close. "Lots of attention, lots of hugs and check-ins. I don't want to lose you again, Doug."

"I don't want to lose you either," Doug murmured, his heart feeling tense in his chest. He supposed now he couldn't doubt her want of him. And maybe it was unfair of him to doubt her before, it just had seemed too good to be true a lot of times, and Doug- he was expendable, wasn't he?

His time with Chad and Audrey had taught him that he really wasn't, and if they didn't think he was extra baggage, then perhaps he should actually treat himself like the main character in his life, for once.

-:-:-

They made a bit of an effort after that.

Jay managed to shrug off his reservations and took more proactive measures to incorporate Chad and Audrey into his life. He started in familiar territory, taking Chad and Gil to a professional Tourney game where they dressed incognito so as to avoid catching anyone's eye. They were all treated to a play-by-play of the many different foods Jay insisted on giving them, the Agraben sneaking them a shot of Gil licking the remnants of cotton candy off of Chad's lips.

Gil returned the favor half an hour later, Chad looking absolutely flushed with his face cradled between Jay's hands, and while it wasn't a giant surprise when Jay brought back eight bags of cotton candy from that retreat, it was still a delight to see how happy Chad was with Jay's attention.

"So maybe I had like, the tiniest of crushes on Jay," Chad admitted when they cuddled in bed that night. "But it was a useless, passing fancy. We weren't ever going to- you know."

Doug knew for a fact that they very much did because he walked in on Jay and Chad making out on a regular basis, the Agraben seeming pleased by Chad's whimpered responses.

"You are smart and kind and thoughtful," Jay would inform the blond, cradling his face between his hands in a manner that was becoming terribly familiar. "And I am grateful for you."

"Fuck, Jay," Chad would whine, and then they'd start kissing again, both of them pausing to offer Doug broad smiles when they saw he was looking.

His thoughtful behavior towards Chad automatically got Jay an in with Audrey, who would do things like ruffle his hair and press kisses against his forehead and say 'Go get 'em, tiger' which apparently made Jay blush, something that worsened when she'd send him off with a smack to the rear.

"That lady is a firecracker," Jay informed Doug, his tone rife with reverence. "I am so happy they found you."

"Me too," Doug admitted, flushing when Jay pulled him into careful kisses, because he was trying so very hard not to fuck this up. "Jay," Doug panted between nuzzles. "What happened-"

"I know the issues extended beyond me," Jay said. "I know there were a lot of things that led up to it, just- it hurt a little, that you didn't think I loved you, because I love you a lot. You're smart and funny and steadfast, and that matters so fucking much."

"I'm sorry," Doug gasped, melting into Jay's body, allowing himself to relish the feel of it without fear or trepidation. "I'm sorry I doubted you. I didn't mean to make you feel like your love didn't count and I um- you're great, it's just hard to think that someone as amazing as you could settle for someone as boring as me."

"The last thing you are is boring," Jay said, his kisses getting more heated. Doug could feel his interest occasionally brush against his thigh, Jay making an active effort not to bother him out of habit, and Doug found himself dragging Jay forward, angling a thigh between his legs so Jay could get some proper fiction. "Fuck, Douglass."

"I won't doubt you again," Doug said, knowing that he would keep this promise. "If you want this, then I want you in whatever capacity I can have you."

"Fuck," Jay eloquently repeated, cutting off with a whimper during a particularly hard grind. "I um- Doug, I don't- whatever you look like, you're gorgeous to me, okay? To all of us. I just- I wanted you to know that, even if I um- don't get your engines revving."

Because from this close, he could feel if Doug had an erection or not, and as far as he could tell, he didn't.

It was enough to make Doug growl.

"Jay," he rumbled, undoing his pants with a confidence he normally did not feel, spurred by the way Jay's breath hitched until he was easing Jay's hand into his underwear, letting sly fingers curl around him. "You get my engines revving plenty."

"Oh, oh hell," Jay gasped, rutting his hips faster as he started pumping Doug within the confines of his clothes. "Doug- shit, how can I live knowing you're this cute, I'm gonna- I um- I need you to tell me what to do, please?"

He trembled against Doug – Jay, who was usually so dominant and in control, Jay who looked at him with hopeful eyes, gaze half-lidded and cheeks flushed.

It catered to an assertive part of Doug he didn't know he had. "You work me over with those clever fingers," he ordered, making Jay shiver. "And you don't stop rutting against me until you make a mess of your underwear."

"Yes, Doug," Jay panted, nuzzling Doug's shoulder hopefully, as though asking for a kiss. "I can- I'll do that, could you- am I doing a good job?"

"You're doing a great job, sweetheart," Doug said, claiming Jay's lips in a kiss that had him whining into Doug's mouth. "You look so pretty like this."

"Are you proud?" Jay asked, gasping when Doug curled an arm around his waist, dropping his hand so he could cup Jay's rear. "Doug."

"I'm very proud of you," Doug panted, close to falling apart. "You're doing such a good job for me, feel so good in my hands. Audrey would be proud of you too – her and Mal and Uma."

"Oh," Jay gasped, and then he seemed to fall apart with a cry, moaning against Doug's shoulder.

His fingers fumbled to guide Doug to completion, just managing it before he collapsed, chest heaving from exertion.

"Fuck, Doug," Jay moaned, curling into him for support. "That was hot. You are hot."

"I do what I can," Doug said, and the words didn't even feel like a mockery. "Wanna get in the shower and prove you know how to get yourself clean, baby?"

"Yes, please," Jay whispered, another shudder gripping his body. "I'll be good."

"You're always good," Doug said before dragging Jay into another kiss that left the Agraben moaning.

Suffice it to say, Doug joined him for the shower, and Jay spent a lot of time complimenting Doug's body and promising he'd be a good boy for him, so…

Yeah, he guessed it was all working out.

-:-:-

Things improved. On a whim, Mal decided to take Audrey and Harry to the art museum to 'appreciate the sights' (Audrey) and 'get shown off' (Harry). It was one of their few free days so she extended the invitation for Ben to join them, and was treated to a spastic and bashful decline before Ben retreated from the room.

Mal sighed. "Don't read into that."

"Oh, I'm gonna," Audrey countered, making Mal sigh again before both of them decided to defer their argument for the sake of cuddling Harry, who took the attention in public with the utmost bashfulness. There had been a few pictures of it posted online, and they were all spectacular.

"Video games?" Carlos had asked Doug, seeming worried that the dwarf-kin might turn him down and smiling when he didn't.

It was a nice return to normality, playing games with Carlos. Some of the games Doug hadn't touched in months because they required two players, and while Chad tried, Doug felt too awful about moving on when he had saves with Carlos, even though they weren't dating anymore.

"Yeah, I didn't progress either," Carlos said when they reloaded one of their old games. "It wasn't the same, I guess."

Doug knew for a fact that Jay was just as good at puzzle games as he was, that if Carlos wanted to replace him, it wouldn't have taken much.

"I'm sorry," Doug said, even though he'd communicated as much before. "Carlos-"

"Fuck, Doug," he griped, putting his controller down so he could give Doug his full attention. "I'm the one that's sorry. We just kept adding and adding, thinking you guys were fine because you'd taken the first adjustment so well, when in hindsight you were just trying to keep us from dumping you. You were scared, and I should have known that. I spent a majority of my life being scared."

"Not anymore," Doug said, beginning to feel settled in his bones. He had, in truth, liked dating Carlos, once he'd gotten used to the idea. The young De Ville was snarky and smart and moved with a different kind of grace from Evie, though it was equally enchanting. "Carlos-"

"You've had this talk with a lot of people," Carlos said. "And we're both smart enough to know how it ends, just- I love you, Doug." He paused, biting at his lip in thought before aiming a hopeful look at the musician. "Could we make out?"

"I'd be honored" Doug replied honestly, and was treated to Carlos De Ville crawling into his lap, cupping his face with a reverence he usually saved for Jane, trading easy kisses with no intent to get them anywhere else.

-:-:-

Doug didn't try to keep track of Ben out of habit.

Just- Ben was a king. There were more important people to look after him, people more deserving of his free time, his attention. Doug didn't have low self-esteem, he was just practical. There were so many of them, they obviously weren't going to have the same bonds with everyone. Some would be stronger than others, and Ben was a guy who worked hard. He deserved to have the people that were closest to him look after him.

Unfortunately, it was Doug that Mrs. Potts called when the king had exceeded his five-hour office limit by two hours because she couldn't reach anyone else. And Doug got it – it was a busy day, so Mal was out with Uma working on refugee things and their own light course load and Jay was practicing with the Auradon University Tourney team and Carlos and Jane were out for a date and-

Somehow, it had come down to Doug, and while Doug didn't particularly want to confront a Ben who was deep in the throes of his work, he knew it needed to be done. The pinched expression on Mrs. Potts' face as she accompanied him to the king's private office was indication of that alone, a tray of tea clutched in her hands.

"Master got like this sometimes too," she murmured, her bottom lip clenched between her teeth. "Got so busy he forgot the rest of the world, forgot to eat and sleep. It was one of the things that made his moods so… exaggerated."

Doug understood what she didn't say. She wasn't referring to post-Auradon King Adam, but pre-Enchantress. To the young man who had been crowned around the same age as Ben as a product of necessity, the one that had tried but had not been prepared for it.

She didn't want Ben going down a similar road. It was why she had her own copy of the rules that pertained to Ben, and why she sought to enforce them.

"If you could just convince him to take a small break, I'd be deeply appreciative," she continued.

"I'll make it happen," Doug said, because they had the rules for a reason.

He parted ways with her at Ben's sitting room, relieving her of the tea tray and setting it down on the coffee table before he pressed on, entering Ben's office without knocking.

He tried to channel his inner Audrey. He didn't know if it was working.

"Doug," Ben said, confused as he blinked up from his work. "Um- hi. How- sorry, I'm a little busy-"

"You've been in here seven hours," Doug said, cutting to the point. "You need to take a break."

"Right," Ben agreed without really agreeing, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as he looked back at his work. "Just- I've got some late-night meetings starting up in thirty minutes and I need to have this organized before then."

"I could help you," Doug offered, because sometimes there had to be a balance with duty and free time, sometimes there had to be lenience, even though he was pretty sure Audrey would have dragged Ben out of the office by this point.

"No, I've got it," Ben rushed to say, but he was frazzled. "I- thanks, Doug, but I made this mess. I should clean it up."

"Ben," Doug began, his pulse beginning to beat faster as he tried to get to the root of things. "I know that using your work as an excuse to avoid your problems seems like a justified choice being that you're king and all-"

"Did Audrey say that?" Ben interrupted, blinking up from his paper sorting. "Because that's not what I'm doing. This is my job, Doug."

"Yes," Doug said. "And I could have sworn we helped you get assistants and set up subcommittees for this stuff, and yet you're consistently spending most of your time in your office."

"I'm king," Ben pressed. "I don't get breaks, and I know Audrey thinks she has an intrinsic knowledge of who I am because we had a casual thing in high school-"

"You were going to propose to them, Ben," Doug snapped, unable to keep it in anymore. "That's far from 'casual'."

Ben's face twisted into an unreadable expression. "That's just supposition on Audrey's part," he pressed. "I didn't actually-"

"She found your rings." Audrey had told Doug – it was one of the few secrets she kept from Chad because she knew it would crush him, one of the things she had sworn Doug into secrecy over, but Ben was the one who had purchased those rings, that had designed them with pink and blue jewels, with sparkling aquamarines and white diamonds, and Ben was the one that threw them away. "You weren't even sixteen yet and you were prepared to commit to them for the rest of your life, and you dare pretend what you had was a casual fling-"

Doug cut off when Ben made an odd sound. The king stifled it behind his lips, abruptly turning away from Doug, but then he was shaking, letting out another pained whimper that Doug had a few seconds to process before he realized Ben was actually sobbing.

He was-

"Ben," Doug said, rushing to check on the king, wrapping an arm around the brunette and aching when he saw the way Ben was hunched over, tears pouring down his face and both hands shoved against his mouth in an effort to stifle the sound of his sorrow. "Ben, please-"

"I didn't want to," Ben gasped, sort of collapsing against Doug until the musician was forced to ease them to the ground, Ben's energy seeming completely pulled from his body. "I wanted- I was so happy, I had everything, and then the spell, and…" He croaked hard against Doug's shoulder, the sound cutting straight into Doug's heart. "I couldn't- I couldn't just leave Mal when it was broken. I couldn't let them know she spelled me or they would have been sent back and I just- I wanted to fix the Isle, so I- I was going to end it naturally but Audrey said I was dead to them and Mal was- she liked me, and I love her, I do, now, just-" He shuddered. "I was so mixed up. That was why I didn't get more kids off the Isle right away. It's why I didn't notice Mal was struggling. It hurt so much, Doug, and now every time I talk to them I just make things worse and I lovethem so much-" He inhaled sharply. "I can't fix it. I'll never be able to fix it; I'll never be able to make it up to them." He started twining his fingers into his hair, pulling aggressively at the strands. "I broke it, and of course they're better off now. I just- I break things-"

"Ben," Doug silenced him, dragging the king against his chest so he could cry his aches out properly. "You have to tell them."

"No. Audrey hates me," Ben moaned. "She got possessed by Maleficent's scepter and asked me to marry her and I wanted- I wanted to say yes, but it wasn't her, it wasn't Audrey, it was the scepter." He sobbed. "If I love them, I wouldn't let them within ten feet of me. I'd just break them more."

"Yeah, we're not doing that," Doug said, and then he was scooping Ben into his arms, because if there was one benefit to being a half-dwarf, it was the enhanced strength that made him about as powerful as Gil. "Come on."

"Doug," Ben gasped, clutching onto him with one hand and trying to hide his face with the other. "Don't. I can't- I have meetings-"

"Fuck your meetings for a few hours," Doug said, and then he pushed his way into the secret passageways, feeling immensely grateful that Audrey had them keep tabs of each other's schedules. Audrey and Chad would be unwinding in their suite just about now – touching base before they split apart to relax, Chad likely intent on stress baking something before they had to go to dinner while Audrey took her bath.

"Please," Ben begged. "Please, they hate me. They hate me and they should-"

"No, they shouldn't," Doug declared, and then he was shouldering his way into their private suite.

Sure enough, Audrey and Chad were cuddled on the couch, Chad looking entirely more exhausted than Doug had ever seen him.

Immediately, Audrey was perking up, angling herself in front of Chad on reflex before she realized who Doug had in his arms. "Shit, did they hurt him too?"

"Old wound," Doug said, marching across the room, ignoring Ben's pleads all the while. He dumped the king between them despite the fact that Chad didn't seem to know how to respond to this, and Audrey just looked on edge. "Ben's still in love with you guys. He never stopped being in love with you, he just didn't want Mal and the others to get sent back to the Isle for enchanting him so he kept dating her and he's pretty sure you hate him so that's why he's such an awkward fuck around you."

Ben's response to this was to bury his face in his hands, muffling his sobs against his skin as he hunched over, certain he would get no affection from them.

"Oh, Ben," Chad gushed, wrapping himself around the king's back. "Sweetheart-"

"I'm so sorry," Ben gushed. "I'm so sorry. I know I can never make it right; I know I-" He sobbed again.

"Fuck," Audrey sighed, and then she was dragging Ben against her, Chad dutifully following until the king was sandwiched between them. "And I'm guessing you never told Mal any of this?"

"S-She didn't mean to," Ben gasped. "I mean, she did, but she didn't- she reformed in the end, and I wanted to encourage that, and being king means sacrifices and I do love her-"

"Now," Audrey interrupted. "You love her now. You didn't love her then, but she took control of your will and made you love her."

Ben shuddered. "I had no control. Everything I felt for you guys- it was just gone. When it was over, I felt so wrong, because-"

"You fucking love us to pieces," Audrey surmised. "We get it, Ben."

"I wanted to marry you," Ben gushed. "I do. I did. You asked me as the Queen of Mean-"

"Shit, Ben," Audrey muttered, her eyes shining with moisture.

"I love you," Ben pressed. "I love you both so much, and I keep hurting you, I have to- if I don't keep you at a distance I'll just spill my devotion to you everywhere and-"

"Turn around and cuddle Chad," Audrey said, and it was sort of amazing how Ben moved to follow her order without question, leaning his back against her so he could cradle Chad against his chest.

"I love you; I love you so much," Ben gushed, nuzzling Chad's curls. "You're so fucking sweet and funny and I hate your family, I hate them, you deserve the moon and they don't give it to you- I would give it to you if I knew how-"

"D-Don't get me anymore spa baskets," Chad croaked. "That's not why I like candles."

"You're afraid of the dark but my assistants read the notes and I couldn't just say may you never have a dark night-"

Chad sobbed, and Ben sobbed, and Audrey just sort of held them together while tears poured down her face.

"We have to tell Mal," Audrey said when the worst of it had passed.

"I know," Ben whispered. "I just- I didn't want her to feel bad."

"So you just felt bad instead," Audrey muttered. "And you thought we'd be fine because we had each other."

"You're the first people I loved," Ben said. "I knew you were in good hands. Better hands, than I could-"

Chad surged up, and then he was kissing Ben, making the king whine into his hold.

"You are our messy beast boy," Chad growled when he pulled back for air. "You are the fucking best and you're not allowed to have low self-esteem. We'll add it to the list."

"It's a good idea," Audrey hummed, running a hand through Ben's hair. "I'm sorry we didn't fight for you, Ben. I was so busy doing damage control, trying to protect us that I didn't realize you could be hurting."

"How could I not hurt?" Ben whispered. "I lost you guys, and I loved you so much, and…" He trailed off with a swallow. "I was um- designing a ring for Doug too-"

"Ben," Audrey moaned, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. "Chad hadn't even worked up the courage to talk to him."

"But he loved him!" Ben pressed. "And I- we love Chad and what Chad loves so I just- it seemed…" Ben swallowed. "And I fucked that up too. I even had a plan, you know. I'd make a dedicated effort to um- have hobbies since being king would take up a lot of time, develop a love for live music and drag you guys to all the concerts and then afterwards it'd only be natural to check in with Chad's roommate Doug, and maybe we'd all go out for ice cream or something? I dunno, you could have come up with something better."

"Benjamin," Chad groaned, slumping against his chest. "You were going to-"

"I love you," Ben repeated. "I love you guys so much. You're so perfect together, and when you finally got Doug and Jane and Gil joined you- I was so- I was so angry, because I- I wanted-"

"We wanted you too, shithead," Audrey huffed, turning Ben's head so she could capture his lips. "Douglass, get over here."

Despite his trepidation, Doug trusted Audrey. Trusted her to make the right calls.

So he swallowed once, then prepared to follow her order.

He could do this.

-:-:-

Endnotes:

Whoops, someone forgot that she hadn't posted yet today. My bad ;)

Thanks to everyone for the feedback! The celebrations for communication are a fun comfort, and things will only get better from here :)

Story notes:

I don't know if I've addressed it in any of my stories before, but the whole love potion fiasco has always been a bit skeevy to me. At least, in the sense that Ben just went along with it. And I get that the reasons for this had everything to do with it being a made for tv Disney channel movie but like, taking a step back to really evaluate that situation, Ben's response doesn't make sense without additional context. Him wanting to protect the VKs was the only logical motivation I could really come up with, that he saw some good in them despite making some terrible choices because, you know, violations of free will and all that, so he took that hit. It doesn't explain why he agreed to marry Mal, and I do have some Dark Ben fics in the future that explore this more thoroughly, but that's my hot take on the situation.

For me, Ben is just about always a mess, but he's a mess because he has a lot of things working against him while being perceived as an individual who has everything going for him. He was coronated at sixteen, he has the weight of a union of kingdoms on his shoulders and he's doing radical social reform as a teenager. Handling any of that well would be pretty amazing, so he's bound to slip up elsewhere. It's just how things have to even out.

Until next time