A few days had passed, and Sirius was finally starting to feel okay with talking about what happened over break. After classes, Sirius, Remus, James and Peter met in the Library and talked under a Silencing Charm.
"You sure you're ready? It's okay if you're not." Remus said.
"I'm sure." Sirius answered.
"Whenever you're ready." James said gently.
"Feel free to interrupt or ask questions if you want to know something I haven't said." Sirius told them. They nodded.
"What happened when you got home?" Remus asked softly.
"They.. They did it to Reg first. Cruciatus Curse. He's not as good at hiding the pain as I am. He screamed. I wanted desperately to take the curse for him." Sirius said.
"May I ask why you didn't?" Remus asked.
"I couldn't. Imperious Curse. It.. Stopped me from doing anything. They did it mostly to make me watch. I fought it hard enough to mouth to Reg that I would do something if I could but that I was under the Imperious Curse." Sirius said.
"What happened when they stopped?" James asked.
"I nocked over my mum's glass of Butterbeer." Sirius said.
"Why?" Remus asked.
"To draw their attention away from Reg. To get them to do it to me. Reg asked me the same question. I told him the same thing. That I did it to buy him time. I told him to get upstairs and wait for me. To not come out no matter how loud I screamed or for how long. He listened." Sirius said.
"Then what?" Remus asked.
"They used the Cruciatus Curse on me. Mum alone at first. But she wasn't strong enough to force me to full on scream. I bit my bottom lip at hard as I could to stop myself from screaming. But I couldn't help but moan softly in pain. Didn't satisfy them. So.. Dad joined in. When combined with mum, he was strong enough to make me scream no matter how hard I bit my lip. Dad beat me, nut kept his wand on me at the same time. When I went upstairs Reg saw the cuts and bruises. He asked if I was okay. Told him I'd be fine. He pointed out that they beat me. I told him I was used to it. He asked again why I did what I did. I gave him the same answer. That I did it to protect him. We stayed in my room the rest of the night." Sirius said.
"The next day?" Remus asked.
"Considerably worse. Mum started yelling at Reg. She was about to do it when I literally begged her to do it to me. She did. They.. They made Reg watch. Better than him going through it. Lasted at least 10 minutes." Sirius said.
"How did you not lose your mind? That long under the Cruciatus Curse causes considerable damage to your mind and memory." Remus said.
"I focused on you guys. Kept my mind. Reg rushed to my side when they let up. I told him I would be alright. Pretty much the same every day after that. Most of wounds were mild, but a few were severe and several of the mild ones got infected, and a couple of the severe ones got infected too. Didn't heal on their own. I was mostly okay though. In a lit of pain, but I'd rather me that Reg." Sirius said.
"Did.. Did you cut?" James asked.
"He didn't. I'd see the Glamour Charms." Remus answered for him.
"He's right. I didn't cut." Sirius confirmed.
"Did your dad always join in?" Remus asked.
"Every time. They wanted to hear me scream, but like I said, mum alone wasn't strong enough to make me scream. I always had to bit my lip as hard as I could, but I managed to stop myself from screaming. Only moaned softly. Sometimes a harsh groan, but usually I don't let myself get.. That loud. Usually I bite my lip so hard that I can stop myself from screaming till dad joined in. At that point I couldn't but anymore and opened my mouth and full on screamed until they let up. I focused on you, though, so I didn't lose my mind." Sirius responded.
"How many times a day do they do it?" Peter asked under his breath, hoping Sirius heard him.
"Relax, you don't have to be shy around me. But.. At least twice a day. Usually at breakfast and dinner." Sirius answered.
"I wish you could leave there." Remus said.
"I could, if I decided to. They would probably care less if I was there or not. I stay to take the brunt end of the abuse for Reg." Sirius responded, shrugging his shoulders.
"That's not your responsibility." Remus said.
"Funny. Reg tells me the same thing. But he's my brother. It's my job to protect him. I'm not leaving. Yet. I might eventually, but not for a while." Sirius responded.
"Luckily you don't have to go back until the summer holidays." Remus said.
"True. Though when I do go back I expect Reg won't be in great shape. I should study a few healing spells. Just in case." Sirius said.
"We have a few months, and I'll help." Remus said.
"Thanks." Sirius said in response.
"Anytime." Remus said. Remus sort of felt like he owed Sirius for not leaving him when Sirius found out Remus was a werewolf. And Remus felt extremely grateful.
"You don't owe me anything." Sirius said, practically reading Remus's mind.
"Yeah, I do." Remus said.
"No. You don't. I don't share the same views as most of the Wizarding world. And I'd never ever leave you. Unless.." Sirius trailed off.
"Unless what?" Remus asked.
"Unless you left me. Then I'd leave you alone. But.. Only if you left me. Which I can't really exclude as a possibility, given the family I come from. Stupid Black family. If I ever become Lord.." Sirius said.
"You will." Remus assured Sirius.
"Doubt it. Mum and Dad would disown me before they'd let me become head of the house." Sirius said forcing a laugh.
"How's your pain?" Remus asked.
"Not too bad right now. I've taken my potion today, but I'm almost out. Madam Pomfrey said I wouldn't be able to take any after the first week, they're addictive." Sirius said.
"How bad will it be?" Remus asked.
"I'll be in a lot of pain, and I'll be very tired after all our classes, but I'll be fine. I've been through worse." Sirius said.
"What do you mean?" Remus asked.
"Nothing." Sirius said.
"Sirius." Remus said sternly.
"Not here." Sirius whispered.
"Room of Requirement, lets go. It's on the Seventh Floor." Remus said. Sirius nodded and Remus led the way. They went inside.
"What did you mean back there? When you said you'd been through worse?" Remus asked.
"Mum. She.. Uses Dark Magic on me. Very dark. So dark.. The injures couldn't heal magically. I'd be stuck with the pain for months, and they wouldn't allow me Pain Potions. Ever. Not even the first week. I had to deal with it. I.. Still have a few." Sirius said.
"What about the infected ones? They hurt?" Remus asked.
"They're.. Not infected." Sirius said quietly.
"What do you mean? Then why won't they- Oh. Dark Magic. They won't heal because they're then marks you were talking about." Remus said.
"Yeah. Just have to deal with the pain. Nothing I'm not used to. Been dealing with it since I was.." He trailed off. 'Five,' he thought.
"Since you were.." Remus prompted Sirius.
"Five." Sirius said under his breath. Remus heard, given his strong senses due to him being a werewolf. James and Peter didn't hear a word.
"No.." Remus said.
"Yeah. Sucked too, but I dealt with it. Back then, though, I didn't know how to hide the pain. I do now, but back then I screamed. Very loudly. They'd make the curse stronger the louder I screamed. They enjoyed it, and I hated it." Sirius said.
"How old?" James asked.
"Five." Sirius said, loud enough for James and Peter to hear. They both gasped in shock.
"I'm done." Sirius said. He didn't want to talk about it anymore and he was visibly shaking because he was reliving it, thinking of every single time he went under the Cruciatus Curse.
"Hey, you're safe now. You're safe at Hogwarts." Remus said, rubbing Sirius's back with his hand in gentle circles. Sirius couldn't deal with it, he groaned a little.
"Sorry." Sirius said, wincing and moaning a little.
"It's alright." Remus said, and stopped realizing the pain was worse that Sirius was letting on.
"You're out of Potions, aren't you?" Remus asked.
"I didn't even use them. I sent them to Reg using a school owl. Told the owl of go to my room and drop them under my bed along with my letter. Under my bed is Reg's hiding spot. I knew Reg would find the potions and that my parents wouldn't. Best place to hide them. So no, I don't have any and didn't take one this morning." Sirius said.
"Dammit." Remus cursed.
"I'm fine, really. It was just when your rubbed my back you touched one of the wounds. I'll be fine." Sirius reassured. Remus nodded, and let Sirius be. The rest of the school year passed, and physically Sirius was fully healed. But mentally, he was far from it..