"Crazy Weekend"
Decker: So, Mr. Crunch. I'm assuming you guys have a history. Is he an lieutenant or enforcer for the mafia? That's what it sounds like anyway.
Wildman: He used to be an enforcer actually, but he's long since worked his way up to being the head honcho.
Decker: Of course he has. And the reason you know Mr. Crunch?
Wildman: Tri-state Strong Man competition.
Decker: What really? Hiding in plain sight, kind of guy?
Wildman: You want to know why he's called Mr. Crunch?
Decker: From all the bones that were broken during the arm-wrestling circuit?
Wildman: No, he's unable to compete in those due to excessive force.
Decker: Sheesh, what did he do!? Snap a guy's arm in two with the table edge, or go full-on Jeff Goldblum ala the bar scene from 'The Fly'!?
Wildman: Oh, no. He's just too strong for those, so he's only allowed to be in Mr. Muscle challenges. He was surprisingly a good sport about it.
Decker: So why the name?
Wildman: You know the sound that a crushed can makes?
Decker: Yes?
Wildman: He's able to get that sound from things that shouldn't make that sound
Wildman: Cotton T-shirt, Coat, Dress, Scary crunch.
Decker: Sounds like 'The Juicer' from That's So Raven. Able to squeeze liquid from paper if he wanted to. I'm sure we can handle that. Just keep away from the grabby-hands Now if he could crunch a liquid, then I'd be concerned. Now if he could crunch a liquid then i'd concerned
WIldman: I don't know about that, but Crunch once made a water balloon look like a used beer can. Didn't even pop.
Decker: Ahem. And uh, what's the situation with the uhh, rug made from Wampa-butt?
Wildman: It was a misunderstanding, I didn't even take the actual rug that he owned.
Decker: What happened? Tell me the truth.
Wildman: Scout's honor. A scalper tried to steal Crunch's full-sized Wampa-rug, got spotted and tried to run away. And like Peter Parker, I just happened to be around when the action started.
Decker: Go on...
Wildman: But unlike Peter Parker, I tried to stop the thief. I recognized Mr. Crunch as the Mr. Muscle Guy, so I wanted to help a fellow Strong Man. I chased the thief, kept collateral to a minimum (surprised myself, actually), and tied the guy up, and personally handed Mr. Crunch his Wampa rug.
Decker: Okay, but that doesn't explain why he's mad at you...
Wildman: I asked him for some compensation. Money-compensation.
Decker: Why would you ask a Mafia-boss for compensation, when the rug was clearly stolen!?
Wildman: I didn't know that he was a Mafia boss at the time. And I spent all the money at the dance hall that always takes place after the Tri-State Strong Man Competition.
Decker: So you were hammered and broke, so you swindled Mr. Crunch for his rug out of desperation, opportunity, and hindered inhibitions?
Wildman: To be fair, it was a carb-coma, and he wanted his rug so badly that he offered money. He opened up with $50 bucks, what do you expect.
Wildey: Wait, I thought you sold him the Wampa-butt rug. Now you're telling me -
Wildman: I couldn't tell at first. The thief's van had the wampa-butt as a decoy.
Decker: A likely story, Wildman. If I'm being roped into strong-man mafia business, at least tell me the truth.
Wildman: I am! Here's the article! And a newspaper! [pulls up the article on his phone, and shoves it into Decker's face.]
Decker: Okay, okay, I'm reading!
'Good Samaritan Stops Decoy Thief. Let us Explain'
'Thief Escapes with Priceless Wampa-Rug, While Decoy is Stopped by Rug Owner and Good Samaritan.'
...Huh.
Wildman: See! I told you!
Decker: Okay. But I'm still not sure why Crunch is mad. It was an honest mistake. With the articles clearing the air, I'm sure you two could have worked something out...you took off with the money, didn't you?
Wildman: I was still recovering from the food-coma, not enough blood in my brain to think properly!
And...by the time the news broke the story, Mr. Crunch's actual Wampa-rug was sold on the black market, and I already spent the money he gave me before I could return it.
Decker: Do I want to know what you spend it on?
Wildman: I'll tell you when we aren't being hunted down.
Decker: Well at least I have an idea or what going on. I'm just spit-balling here so maybe it's best to get the bad ideas out the way first. What if we look for Mr. Crunch first, contact him from a safe distance, ask what you can do to make things right and how much time he's willing to give...what's that sound?
Wildman: Is that noise coming from your phone, Decker? I have a different ringtone.
Me: No no, it's coming from...why is your bag glowing?
Wildman: Huh?
[A flashing light, blinks on and off much like the rhythm of a heartbeat. Wildman opens the bag]
Wildman: Oh, forgot that I had this.
[Wildman reveals that I also has one of Dragon Balls]
Decker: Whoa, you found a Dragon Ball? You already have a Chaos Emerald, what do you need a Dragon Ball for?
Wildman: I just wanted to see all of them in person. And if I find the Chaos Emeralds first, I can use 1 wish instead of 2.
Decker: Oh. Mind sharing what the wish is?
Wildman: Well since we're friends, I...
Decker: Wait...if a Dragon ball glows... you're either making a wish, or another is...I think Crunch is tracking us!
Wildman: What!? How?
Decker: Wildman! Does Mr. Crunch have resources to get a Dragon Radar!?
Wildman: I mean, he's a mafia boss, so it's feasible...
Me: We may have to ditch the Dragon Ball.
Wildman: But my waif -
Decker: There's no time! Unless we have a container that blocks radar, we have a beacon pointed right towards us -
[something slams against the front door of the hut]
Wildman: Decker, I'm going to check things out.
Decker: Hold up. If Crunch knows you're here, then we're really screwed. I'll go.
Wildman: But you don't have a heal factor, Decker. You're tough, but you're not bulletproof. I need to go.
Decker: Listen. If Crunch is tracking us with the Dragon Ball, right he doesn't exactly know who's in this hut. If he thinks I'm just some bum, trying to trade a shiny trinket for money to buy weed or something, Crunch may just take the Dragon Ball and leave. And as long as I act like I'm too baked or hungover to resist, we should be fine if the Dragon Ball is all he wants.
Wildman: It's risky, Decker. I don't know.
Decker: Hey, if Crunch the Mafia Boss can hide in plain daylight as a local strong man, I can act like a pothead who barely woke up.
Wildman: Just be careful. If there's trouble, the claws are coming out.
Decker: Gotcha. See if there's a way to look outside without being spotted.
[Looks clear from both perspectives.]
Decker pushes the door open away from himself, peeks around and sees a medium sized cardboard box.]
[After investigating, the box appears to be safe. No reactions from touch, and doesn't seem to have much weight. Decker opens the box as sees...]
Me: A shag rug? Smells odd. Wait...is that Wampa-ow! [hit with tranq dark, and everything goes dark, with Wildman's muffled yells in the background]
And that was the missing chapter, completing the story of Wildman & Decker's run-in with Mr. Crunch.
Good night.
[Scene Transition]
Decker: Mr crunch whatever you have against Wildman, he probably has is coming
Wildman: hey
Decker: so why am I here?
Wildman: and what do you want with both the dragon balls AND the chaos Emeralds?
Mr crunch: to answer in order is because you know Wildman and to answer your question Wildman
So I can wish for ALL the anime waifus
And go super ,I'm not a saiyan
[Decker looks at Wildman]
Wildman: the loser stole my idea...
Decker: I know you have A.D.D. but can you please focus
[Mr. Crunch summons the Eternal dragon]
Mr crunch: Dragon I wish for all the anime waifus-
Wildman: MR POPO SAID TO GIVE HIS WISH TO ME
Mr crunch: wha?
Dragon: Very well what Mr popo said so shall it be
Mr crunch: NNNOOOO
Decker: And because of the sudden burst of chaos, the chaos Emeralds are activating
[Blinding light and power surge]
[Blinding light dies down]
[Wildman slowly opens his eyes]
Decker:... uh oh...Mr crunch you might want to start running
Mr crunch: why?
Decker: because we both know what Wildman can do, now imagine what he can do now that he went super
Mr crunch: Oh dear me
Me:...ALL THE ANIME WAIFUS ARE MINE...AAAAAAHHHHHH
Scene change
Wildman: I'm so glad I was able to go super
Decker: Yeah Don't ever do that again
By the way if you have all the anime waifus now does that include mine?
Me: don't worry I'll give them too you
Decker:...Huh, thank you?...I think? Wait? Where are they anyway?
Me: Don't worry about it.
Decker: I kinda feel like I should
Me: I was in a hurry so I had the dragon send them to your room
Decker: ...YOU DID WHAT?...HOW WOULD ALL THE ANIME WIAFUS EVEN FIT?
Me: That's easy...anime laws of physics
Decker:...Oh...I need some Tylenol