A/n I have been tempted to write a fic of this nature for a short while, but it was actually reading another fic which gave me the confidence. Make sure you check out "all sorts of wonder follow" by rockinhamburger on AO3.

A Coming Out

They're going to have to break things off. They have to. He has no choice... or is he just being a coward?

Colin sighs and turns off the shower, the tepid water halting instantly. Training was dire. He missed an absolute sitter crossed to him by Jamie, his teammate making his displeasure known for a second before catching himself and faking that it is all okay. Colin's mind has been elsewhere though, he is not in the right frame of mind to be training for a local derby. When he steps out onto the grass at Stamford Bridge on Saturday, he needs to be ready to face some of the best, he needs to not play like shit. In general, he has been better at not doing himself down – Doctor Sharon helped him with that – but there is one subject which always causes him great anguish: his sexuality.

Colin has known two things since a young age, the first being that he wanted to be a professional footballer like Ian Rush or Gary Speed. The other thing was, is, that he is attracted to men however being a professional footballer, that is something he has had to keep to himself, from everyone. It is a long time to deceive people, to hide something from the world and the more time that lapses, the more damage it is doing to his wellbeing. He isn't blind to this either, but there is little he can do about it in his opinion. Being a gay footballer is practically unheard of in the men's game and there hasn't been a single player in Premier League history to be out so he has no idea what coming out could do to his career. He thinks of his family at home in Cardiff and how disappointed they were when he was part of the Cardiff City team that got relegated in 2019. He didn't think they would ever speak to him again and only did they warm back to him when he signed for Richmond, keeping him in the top division. If he did anything to scupper his career then he would be sure to lose them and if he lost his career and his family, what else would he have?

He re-emerges back into the dressing room, but everyone is gone. He purposely hung back after training so he could have a long shower and think because he needs to come to some sort of decision before he heads back to his flat. A decision about Michael. Colin sighs and with a towel wrapped around his waist, he takes a seat on the bench in front of his locker. His phone is on the wood next to him, and he unlocks it after a deep breath noting a missed call and five messages from him – he probably wants to know details of their date tonight but going on it would be too risky.

They met when he was feeling low. The team threw away a win and ended up drawing their opening game of the season at home to Aston Villa. It was a mistake he made which led to the Villa equaliser and that night he decided to drown his sorrows with Isaac and Bumbercatch at a club in the city. He was three beers and four tequila shots in when he bumped into Michael in the rooftop smoking area. He just wanted some air and to be away from the overwhelmingly constant bass, he never thought that he would come across some bloke who had the potential to change his life forever. Over the next twenty minutes he allowed himself to completely forget his internalised homophobia and his football career and the promise to keep his sexuality under wraps until it was over. It was a moment of weakness and Colin flirted to his heart's content. It was fun and felt perfectly natural.

Numbers were exchanged and he was buzzing as he re-joined his friends, not considering the consequences. It wasn't until the next morning that regret begun to creep in as his head pounded alerting him to his hangover. He had stared at the contact in his phone for probably ten minutes, his thumb hovering over the delete button, before he decided to message him instead.

Hi Michael. It was fun meeting you last night, Colin.

Hey there my cute little dragon. Got any plans tonight?

Michael's nickname for Colin came as soon as he realised his new acquaintance is Welsh and it brings a smile to his face, even now when he is stressing out, reading through his messages about their pending date tonight.

Hey my fire-breathing date. Looking forward to later!

I've booked the restaurant for 8.

It is a fun place so no need to dress up too smart. Nothing wrong with being casual :p

I hope training was good :)

Are you okay?

No. He isn't okay. This has gone too far and they're in dangerous territory now. Their previous meetings were on the cusp, but they kept them behind closed doors, either in his or Michael's homes, not in front of the public eye or God forbid the bloody paparazzi. Last time, once finding themselves tangled in his sheets, he disclosed that he is a professional footballer and explained that this – whatever it is – needed to be kept secret. Michael chuckled, not at all derisively but in a calm, care-free manner. "I know darling. I Googled you. I Google all my dates. Don't worry." He had said before planting a kiss on his cheek. They made love again after that and during his euphoric comedown, it was Colin who suggested going out for dinner, forgetting his previous worries thanks to the hormones shooting around his system.

He really likes him. He makes him feel like he is floating on cloud nine when in his presence and if he fell, then he would be there to catch him and kiss him sweetly. However apart from the instances the butterflies flutter in his stomach when he receives messages from him, the rest of the time he is nothing but tense. Tense from the anxiety of being caught out. There is too much that could go wrong tonight so he is going to have to cancel but it also isn't fair broaching a completely secret relationship. Michael deserves better than that – and suddenly Colin is back to the thought of breaking things off. "Something got you down Colin?" He hadn't even realised coach was still around, he thought he was all alone, with his thoughts, in the dressing room. Colin is swift to lock his phone.

His eyes snap up to meet Ted's, who is stood in the doorway between the large-ish dressing room and his office under a new BELIEVE sign. He never did say what happened to the other one. "No coach. All good here!" He claims and plasters on a faux smile.

Ted studies his player for a few seconds and hums, not believing him for a second. His teammates have been gone for at least fifteen minutes yet here is Colin still wearing a towel from his shower whilst failing to endeavour in getting dressed. It looks like he has been rooted to the bench for so long that he is beginning to gather dust. "Didn't fancy going for sushi with the others?" He asks and takes a few steps further into the room, showing that he doesn't plan to back off just yet.

Truth be told, Colin had no notion that this was even a plan. He has been too wrapped up in his own thoughts that he has hardly been paying attention and now he feels bad for a whole different reason. He is really letting everyone down. "Nah. Isn't my thing." Raw fish? Ew.

Ted closes the gap between them, the soft patter from his sneakers hitting the floor somehow makes Colin's heart pound. He hates lying to people but he predicts that is something he is going to have to do with the gaffer. The American takes a seat next to him in front of Richard's locker, his fingers interlocking as he rests his arms on his knees. He sends the young man to his right a cursory glance, his brow creased with worry that he isn't going to conceal, he needs to see that he is genuinely concerned for him. The sight makes Colin feel so many things: shame, embarrassment but also something else... gratitude? It is nice to have someone in his corner, but he believes that if he divulges the truth, then Ted would distance himself from him. "I have been watching footage from Chelsea's last game." He makes small talk, in hope that it will put him at ease. "That Reece James who you will be marking is some player, but I think you're quick enough to run rings round him."

"You're going to start me even though I have been shit in training?"

"Hey now, you weren't. So what you missed one chance? I could also see a bunch of reasons to start you." He observes as Colin distractedly plays with a loose thread on his towel, wrapping it tightly around his right index finger, making the tip pale. "That corner kick you whipped into Dani was quite special."

"It was textbook really."

Quickly, Ted grasps that there is little use of the small talk. Either he needs to determine what is wrong or leave the young man with the knowledge that his door is always open if he needs to chat. He takes the wellbeing of his players extremely seriously; he cares more about that than how they perform on the pitch. "You know Colin last season I did a lot of soul-searching and through that I truly began to understand the phrase: a problem shared is a problem halved. You get what I'm saying?"

"I haven't got a problem."

"Right and I am the queen of England..." They share a look which involves Ted raising an eyebrow and Colin then sheepishly focusing on the grey floor but despite his hangdog expression, fleetingly it appears like he is going to say something. His mouth opens and he takes a breath, but when he peers back to his coach, he shuts it again having not uttered a syllable, pressing his lips tighter together than they were previously. "I can't force you to say whatever is on your mind, heck I don't want to." Ted continues, not wanting to give up just yet. "I do need you to know that it is okay though and if you do want to then I swear it doesn't leave these four walls. No-one else is around."

"Not even Beard or Roy?"

"Beard has gone to some talk on the life work of artist Ilya Kabakov, and Roy is looking after his niece." They really are alone.

Colin casts an eye over the dressing room and spots different things that he hadn't before like the picture of a dog stuck up in Dawkins' cubby-hole, how the 7 on Kukoč's locker is starting to peel at the base and the half-drunk bottle of energy drink under the bench in O'Brien's area. It is a good distraction technique, a way to keep him calm and out of his own head as much. Ted waits patiently and his perseverance pays off. "I am meant to be going on a date tonight with someone I really like, but I'm going to have to cancel. It is too much of a risk." A panicked and fast-paced Welsh drawl fills his ears. He is sure as hell glad he was concentrating because he spoke so quickly that there was definitely a danger that he wouldn't have caught it all.

"Did they book a sushi restaurant or something?" He attempts to josh with a small smile, but that smile is immediately wiped away when he notes the obvious sadness in his player's eyes. "What's the problem?"

"It's..." He sighs and he senses tears begin to prickle at his eyes. Is he really going to tell him? Is he really going to tell someone after years and years of keeping it all pent up inside? Colin trusts Ted Lasso though, probably more than anyone else in his life which is a sad state of affairs really when he has only been in it for a few years. He trusts that he would keep it to himself, he trusts that he wouldn't let it affect his opinion of him, he trusts that he will be able to walk out of the door and not worry about the consequences of this one person knowing. It feels strange. He never thought he would be in this position with anybody. "It's with a bloke." He mutters, without really thinking about what he is doing and straightaway he is tensing up and looking towards his coach to gage his reaction, but his expression doesn't alter at all.

"And?"

"And?!" He repeats, suddenly incensed, and leaps off the bench so he ends up standing with his bare calves pressed against the centre island in the room. "What do you mean, and?!"

"I mean, I don't see the problem." He calmly replies, which silences Colin who after anxiously running a hand through his wet hair decides to take a seat on the island facing his coach, mainly because he was getting light-headed. "Listen Colin it may sound corny, but love is love. Who you like or love doesn't affect the rest of the world. It isn't a big deal."

"I don't think you understand coach. It is a huge deal!" He shouts, the pressure building in his head but the clear surprise on Ted's face has him taking a deep breath and lowering his voice. "I am a gay footballer in the Premier League. That can't happen. There aren't any others. The only active player I can think of who is gay plays in Australia." He feels alone. Like he is trapped in prison cell or has washed up on a deserted island… or he is a child's toy that has been forgotten about. Loneliness is one of the worst human emotions and seeing it have such a harsh grapple on Colin, breaks Ted's heart. "If it came out then it could ruin my career. No-one will want to sign me or play me or-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." He interrupts the young man's fevered spiel. "Firstly, that ain't true. And anyway, you play for Richmond and I'm not gonna stop playing you just because of who you like. That's dumb." He has the urge to raise his voice, to shout this in hope that it properly sinks in, but he holds himself back remembering that this is conversation that shouldn't be overheard. "Secondly, are you really going to sacrifice any chance of love on the off chance that some bigots, who you don't want on your side anyway, could write you off?"

Ted is right there. Colin doesn't want homophobes or bigots of any kind on his side. It still isn't an easy decision to make, however. Years of telling himself that the current arrangement, hiding is the best, is a voice which is going to be tough to kick. "Coach, I don't know what to do." He sounds defeated, like the demons have already won and it is going to be some task pulling him from their pit.

But he is going to try. "Ring up your man and talk to him, see what he thinks, I'm sure he will appreciate being part of the conversation." He suggests, the confidence in his voice making Colin sit straighter, his form no longer slumped. "I want you to be able to be yourself, but I understand that it may take you some time. If I get that, a straight cisgender man, then I'm sure your fella will. Okay?" Colin nods and although he seems unsure, his coach takes this as a win, they are certainly a step further than they were ten minutes ago. Ted gets up off the bench and pats him on the shoulder supportively. "I'm proud whatever you decide to do." This means a lot, the only other time he can remember anyone being proud of him was his parents when he played his first and only match for the Welsh national team. He lets this thought linger as his coach walks back in the direction he came. "Oh and Colin." His attention is grabbed once more, and the player turns to see the American stood back in the doorway of his office. Ted simply points to the sign above his head with a smile, one which Colin mirrors with an almost chuckle.

The truth is, he still doesn't know exactly what to do. He will follow coach's advice and call Michael and just explain the situation, maybe he will be able to help him make the choice. He doesn't think he feels comfortable to tell the world his secret though, not yet, but thanks to Ted's words and unmoved reaction to him coming out, he believes that one day he will be able to take that leap.

When he does, he will be sure to thank him.