The Cupcake Incident
Light Yagami stomps into L's life on a sunny day in mid-April.
L is enjoying a strawberry cupcake and a coffee with four creams and seven sugars when a boy with brown hair and eyes walks up to the table he is perched at. It takes him a minute to focus – the cupcake had been demanding most of L's attention – but once he does, he is able to deduce that there is a ninety-nine percent chance that he is looking at the most attractive person his eyes have ever been presented with. Light's hair and gaze are honey tinged with cinnamon, an anomaly for the To-Ho University student populace.
His voice is straight cinnamon, no sugar or honey added to sweeten the first words they exchange.
"Misa Amane. You need to leave her alone."
L swallows the dollop of frosting that had been sitting on his tongue while he digests the strange boy's comment.
"Misa Amane? I don't believe I am acquainted with her. Nor am I acquainted with you."
"Light Yagami. And I call bullshit. You run the influencer editorials for the To-Ho newspaper. Don't ask how I found that out, just stop dragging her in all of your columns."
This is not technically true. L is the editor for every section of the To-Ho student newspaper, but he likes to keep that fact under wraps to avoid situations like the one he is currently engaged in.
L responds in his usual brisk and unfriendly fashion.
"I see no reason to cease printing editorials about Misa Amane. You have yet to give me a convincing explanation as to why I should humor that request."
The boy – man, really, they were probably the same height – hitches the strap of his canvas bag higher on his shoulder and crouches down, bringing his face level with L's. A modest smile is playing on his lips, but anyone with half a brain cell can tell that it is fake.
"Listen, you filthy little trash goblin," Light whispers in a sweet voice, the type one might use when speaking with a lover, "Misa Amane works with me at the library. I put up with her for several hours a week, and she is difficult to manage when upset. Can you guess how your articles have been making her feel, very very often in these last few weeks?"
"Upset. And difficult to manage?" L's response turns into a question without his permission. He can't inhale. He can't exhale. This elegant creature is saying the crudest things and L can feel breath ghosting his face.
"Good. You have at least half a brain cell. Now, do me a favor and leave Misa Amane alone."
L takes a shaky breath and makes his first mistake.
"Perhaps you should try rephrasing your question with a please, Light-kun."
L thinks this must be the end of his torture, that maybe the boy will take the hint and get out of his personal bubble, but no. Light Yagami does not move away – instead he leans in more and reaches behind L to pick up his half-finished strawberry cupcake. He hums, the noise vibrating his throat. L's eyes lock onto his atom's apple.
"Are you going to finish this?"
He tries to speak. Stops, then swallows. "Yes."
"Allow me to help you." A tongue darts out and retrieves a smear of icing. Light rubs the pink confectionery against his front teeth, and L stares like a man possessed.
Then he smashes the cupcake, icing first, into L's forehead.
[Newsies Group Chat]
L: I was introduced to someone from the library squad today
Matt: sounds fun. how did that go?
L: he was disrespectful and demanded I stop attacking one of his companions
Mello: Misa Amane? you have been going after her pretty hard lately
L: what brought you to that conclusion?
Mello: my own brilliant investigative skills
Matt: Near told us he saw you talking to Light Yagami at the coffee shop next to the chem building
L: and he did not stop to say hello?
Near: I was late for a class
L: liar. you have never been late for a class
Near: I did not want to intervene. the conversation appeared to be heated
L: he shoved a cupcake in my face
Near: as I said, the conversation appeared to be heated
Naturally, L can't let the Cupcake Incident go unpunished. Even if he did somewhat deserve it. He waits a full week before printing another article about Misa Amane, this one about how the handmade goth-chic clothing she promotes on her Instagram is essentially pornographic apparel for tweens, then waits outside the library for Light's afternoon shift to finish.
Did he break into the university employee database to find out what days and times Light works? Maybe.
Did he also sneak a quick peak at Light's class schedule? Yes. Briefly.
Does this imply that he is a little obsessed? L does not think so, despite what Mello and Matt might believe. They are both delinquents, anyway.
L spots him immediately, a halo of soft brown hair amid an ocean of black. He is speaking to an older man with glasses, smiling as if the conversation is humorous, but his expression rapidly turns into a glower when he sees L waving at him.
"Teru, let's finish this discussion later. I promised to tutor a student that just transferred here from a remote island in the South Atlantic Sea. One of the psychology departments' projects – he can barely speak English and doesn't understand common norms like grooming rituals or social cues." Light says loudly.
'Teru' rolls his eyes at Light's display but pats him on the back and wishes him luck with "whatever lunatic you've managed to piss off this week."
"Is that all I am to you, Light-kun? Your lunatic of the week?" L says petulantly, falling into step beside Light.
"Of course not. You're also an unmitigated pain in my ass."
"Did you enjoy our latest article?" L pulls a newspaper out of his back pocket and unfolds it to hold in front of Light's face while he walks.
Light bats his hands and the paper out of his way like pesky house flies. "I already read it, you gross sewer gremlin."
"Then please share your unfiltered opinion of the piece."
"I don't have an opinion on the article, but it is convenient that you came to find me."
"Oh? Why is that Light-kun?"
"Because," Light stops walking and turns to look at L. He pulls a folded packet of stapled papers out of his cardigan pocket – seriously, he's wearing a cardigan, how is L supposed to respect someone wearing a cardigan – and says, "there are some books you checked out from the library that have not made their way back to the return pile yet."
Light's smile is mean, like a hammerhead shark, and L takes the packet with a rising sense of suspicion.
Five pages. Five pages of books he never checked out but are, apparently, worth a lot of money. L flips through the packet and calculates the amount he owes in late fees – if his estimate is correct, and it undoubtedly is, then he is almost six hundred dollars in debt to the university library.
It's a good move. L is furious, but he can recognize a worthy adversary.
"I see. So, if I stop printing articles about Misa Amane then you will take these fake charges off my student account?"
"Fake? Those are university-owned books taken out in your name, several weeks ago, that have yet to be returned. I can't just make your late charges go away, L." His smile is widening, and L is surprised that he already knows enough about Light to recognize that he's enjoying this immensely.
"What, exactly, is your goal with this stunt, Light-kun?" L hedges.
"You are going to run a counter article that gushes about Misa's influence and talent. You are also going to tell your freshman minions to stop harassing my library colleagues."
L pauses. He does not recall making any requests to his newspaper crew to harass the library team, but if true then he does feel pride at their initiative. Perhaps he should buy them a pizza. Or a cake.
He decides to ask the obvious question. "How do you know my subordinates are the ones doing the harassing?"
Unruffled, Light pulls a smartphone out of his pocket. It's an Apple device. L feels immensely superior with his personal selection of a Samsung Note.
He flicks through a couple of screens before holding a photo up for L to examine. "Recognize anyone?"
The picture was taken in the parking lot behind the library, the only lot that is free for commuter students to park in during the day. A black four-door sedan takes up most of the frame, and, perched on its hood, a blonde delinquent decked out in leather that L immediately recognizes as Mello is posing with his tongue out. Standing next to the bumper he can also see Matt, scribbling what is most likely a license plate number into a reporting notebook. Morons. How many times has he told them not to leave evidence? Who even took this photo?
"A student emailed this photo to me. She must have recognized the car and thought to do the right thing by reaching out to the library supervisor." Light tells him, employing some sort of mind-reading technique that L has yet to master himself.
L digests this new material, including the photo and the fact that Light is not only wearing a cardigan but is the library supervisor.
"This picture is not legitimate evidence of wrongdoing." L informs him.
Light's eyebrows raise to his hairline. "My coworker Teru, the owner of this car, was trailed by five police vehicles on his way home. When he pulled over to find out why they were following him, an officer kindly informed him that his license plate was registered as a vehicle for immediate pursuit because the driver is known to be transporting illegal erectile assistance drugs into the country."
L decides that he is going to buy his band of miscreants a pizza and a cake.
"Goodness," he says, "it sounds to me like your colleague has been making some unfavorable decisions."
Later, after The Fight makes it way through the campus gossip circuit, and after he gets his left canine fixed by the Yagami's bemused family dentist, and after L and him finish the two weeks of anger management training that the dean personally 'requests' they participate in, Light will reflect that, maybe, possibly, punching L in the face had not been a stable emotional response to being taunted.
Hindsight is slow to come, though, because it feels really fucking good in the moment.
[To-Ho Library Group Chat]
Light: just who the fuck does L think he is?
Kiyomi: god's gift to our campus probably
Kiyomi: he broke the school's record for highest score on his entrance exam
Light: so? I did the same thing for our class year
Light: and I don't walk around expecting everyone to worship me
Teru: you kind of do though
Teru: remember that professor you made cry last year?
Teru: professor Penber
Teru: he literally lost his tenure because of you
Misa: and his fiancée left him
Teru: I didn't know that
Misa: it was in an announcement on his Instagram
Light: you can't blame me for that. I didn't force his fiancée to leave him
Kiyomi: no you just took away his ability to provide for her
Light: exactly. besides, he left of his own volition
Kiyomi: Light you organized a protest outside his office because you disagreed with his stance on the death penalty
Kiyomi: your groupies literally set fire to his car
Light: he taught criminal justice
Light: but his lectures were always colored with bias
Light: it was unprofessional
Light: and his car was sheet metal on wheels
TBC.