Chapter III: Listen again and seek the sun
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A/N: Happy Birthday, Shelby! I hope you enjoy the final chapter of your bday present 3
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Her way home is lost, but she hadn't been planning on going back any time soon anyway.
She has a Bureau to find.
And so Haru ignores the reassurances of the guards, who are valiantly promising the stranded humans that the portal will be working shortly. (She doubts it anyway.) Instead she strides out into the heart of the Creation world, retracing her steps in hopes it will lead her back to the Sanctuary.
"You've travelled pretty far into this world for a human," says the witch whose broom Haru is hitchhiking on for this leg of her journey. She twists in her seat, the bright red ribbon in her hair flapping in the wind. "It's already beginning to show," she adds, and gestures loosely with one hand to the smattering of metallic freckles that mar Haru's cheeks.
Haru can only smile as she tries to ignore the tickle of the Creation magic across her face. "I'm used to it."
The witch shrugs and sets her attention back to flying, leaving Haru to ponder in silence her creeping transformation. She does not know how far along the Creation magic will change her, or whether there will come a point where there is no return, but she knows she cannot turn back now.
So she ignores the sliver of silver which heals in place of a scar after narrowly avoiding a phantom bear's bite. She disregards the metallic shimmer of her nails and the mechanical click of her joints. She does not think on how deeply the Creation magic has buried into her, not even when the cave she is sheltering the night in is not so dark as it should be and her eyes pick out sparks of stray magic.
She has a Bureau to find, and eventually her determination is rewarded with the once-familiar sight of a cobbled courtyard and a little white-and-green house.
There is no Baron – of course there isn't – but there is still a Toto and Muta.
"What's up, Chicky?" Muta greets her as if nothing has changed. He pats her on her back and she still nearly staggers at the strength. "Long time no see. Thought you'd be happily-ever-aftering with Baron." He glances about. "Where's the old fancypants anyway?"
"You mean you don't know?"
"Know what?" Toto asks. He is the first to notice the steadying loss of humanity in Haru, his beady eyes picking out the oddities in Haru's appearance. "You shouldn't have travelled all the way out to us, Haru. Staying in the Creation world for so long has consequences."
"Perhaps it's just as well I did," she replies. "Didn't you get any of my letters?"
"We've received a few–"
"A few? I sent dozens–"
"Mail's terrible, Chicky. It disappears all the time in the portal – especially recently."
"The portal has been especially unreliable in the last couple of years," Toto admits.
Haru recalls the Baron-creature, trapped in the nowhere space, and suspects she knows why. "So you haven't had any letters from me recently? You don't know about – about Humbert and me?"
Muta groans. "Don't tell me we missed the wedding."
"No, we… we split up."
"No."
Haru blinks. "Sorry, but–"
"There's no way he would just – not after all the effort, all the stress he put us through–" Muta begins to pace, gesturing furiously. "Do you have any idea how infuriatingly stubborn that idiot was about becoming human? We could barely get him to rest, and all because he wanted to be with you–"
"People change," Toto says, but even he looks shaken. "It happens."
"Not like that, they don't!"
Haru waits for Muta's ire to tire. It had never occurred to her to ask too closely for the details of Baron's transformation, only that it was magic and it had been risky, and now her heart grieves for the pain it put his friends through. When she is able to get a word in edgeways, she tells them of the years since a human Baron turned up on her doorstep, and the gradual change. The forgetting. She tells them of the relationship which ended as neither were what the other was looking for, and Humbert's hint that something of Baron might have endured.
"I had thought that maybe the Creation side – that Baron – might be here," she explained. "I mean, I hoped. But when I stepped through the portal into your world…" She shakes her head. "Whatever was left of Baron, it never got as far as here. I think it remained caught in the nowhere space, losing itself…" Until now, her mind supplies.
Muta looks to Toto. "Is it possible? Could Baron still be there?"
The crow Creation looks lost. "Baron spoke of a spell to separate the cat, Creation part of him from his human, mortal side… It could be that the Creation part left behind retained some level of awareness. But after such a transformation… I'm surprised he possessed enough magic to even exist. And then there is the matter of time – time moves differently outside of our worlds, so regardless of the years it's been for us, there's no telling how long has passed in nowhere space."
"Translation, please."
"It is possible," Toto says, for once not even rising to Muta's tone, "but I have no idea the state he would be in."
Haru brushes a hand against the wrist which still bears the ice burn. "He's lost," she says. "I don't think he remembers who he is… or he didn't, anyway." The red handprint, ringed at the edge with white, feels raw even now. "When I met him in the nowhere space, I think I – I think I triggered memories. He remembered me."
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go haul his sorry ass back out of that limbo!"
"It's not as simple as that," Toto says. "Even if there is enough of Baron's soul… enough of the person he used to be… I don't know how we can help him."
"We're not gonna help him at all by standing around here until the cows come home," Muta retorts.
"I'm with Muta here," Haru says. "I didn't come all this way just to give up without even trying."
Toto looks to Haru, sees her dwindling humanity. "If we decide there's nothing to be done, will you go home?"
Haru does not have the heart to tell him she's not sure she will be human enough for her transformation to be undone by the time they return to the portal. It has burrowed so deeply already. "Sure," she says instead. "As long as you see him before you make that decision."
The crow Creation nods. "Then it looks like we have a journey to make."
x
In the years since Haru's last visit to the Creation world, transport has improved somewhat. True, there are still great swathes of land only passable by coach or broom or foot, but some segments are now connected by train. She sits in a carriage and tries not to make eye contact with the shadowed figure wearing an expressionless Noh mask opposite her.
A few seats down sits a man holding a tiny half-fish child inside a floating water bubble. The child stares at Haru with too-large fish eyes. "What are you?" the merchild asks.
The man – her father, possibly, if the matching ginger hair is anything to go by – reddens. "Ponyo, it's rude to ask questions like that!"
The child is not to be dissuaded though, and she circles her bubble impatiently. "What are you?"
Haru offers the father a smile, reassuring him that she's not taking offence at the forward question. She leans forward, all the better to make eye contact with the over-curious merchild. "I'm a human. You probably don't see too many of us, since we live on the other side of the portal."
"No, you're not!"
The father reddens yet further. "Ponyo! Apologise to the lady!"
"She's not!" the child repeats indignantly. "She's all metal! Humans aren't made of metal!"
"It's okay–" Haru begins.
"It's not okay; we don't talk to people like that, Ponyo." The father throws her an apologetic look and shuffles further down the train, leaving Haru to wallow in the sudden silence.
Muta nudges Haru in what she is sure is a comforting manner. "You doing okay there, Chicky?"
"I'm fine." She catches sight of her reflection in the window opposite for only a moment. A woman's face, forged from metal, stares back. She drops her gaze. "I'm fine."
x
Toto and Muta do their best, but Haru can't help but recall the last time she made this journey. They pass landmarks that she recognises – the iron town, the moving castle, the purple horizon – and she feels the ghosts of past conversations once shared between her and Baron haunting her even now.
She feels it also in the banter between the other two Creations; even after all these years, there is an emptiness in their friendship where Baron once used to occupy. Their teasing always falls a little flat, as if still waiting for Baron to wade in and curtail their insults.
She finds herself taking up the mantel, playing referee to their arguments just to help fill the emptiness.
x
She isn't sure why the magic of the Creation world is changing her so much quicker than before – maybe it's because she's already half-transformed once before and so she is vulnerable to it again. Maybe it's because the portal between the worlds has been shattered, breaking her connection to the human realm.
Maybe it's the little voice inside of her saying it would have been so much simpler if you'd been made a Creation.
Regardless, the world continues to change her to fit its rules, until – with the portal gateway in sight – she realises there's not an inch of skin left on her. She is metal, a clockwork thing, all the way through.
"Shouldn't I be able to transform into flesh and blood?" she wonders to Muta. (She does not voice such thoughts to Toto, whose guilt at her deteriorating humanity is almost palpable these days.) "Like you and Toto?"
"Don't know, Chicky," Muta answers honestly. "I ain't never seen a human change so thoroughly before. Maybe this is as far as the transformation goes."
She doubts it though. She can feel Creation magic soaking into her form, crackling at her thoughts and flickering with intent. It only takes a couple of days before she can summon sparks of light at will.
Humans don't have magic.
But Creations do.
x
The portal archway is no longer cracked, although it still bears the scars. The engravings that decorate the stone have jagged lines marring the carvings, clawmarks remaining where thing that had once been Baron had scraped in an attempt to follow after Haru.
Their attempts to enter the portal are quickly shot down.
"Sorry, no can do," the guard apologises. "No one's going in or out of there."
"Is it still broken?" Haru asks.
"Oh, the portal works – just about," they say. "But every time we open it…" They motion to the tar-like substance that pools in the cracks in the stone, which Haru had mistaken for mere shadows before. "Even if the thing in there isn't trying to get out, it certainly isn't letting anyone pass through. So, sorry, but as I said before: no can do."
"The thing in there?" Toto echoes.
"Some sort of corrupted magic monster. Don't ask; we don't know."
"Is there anything you do know?" Muta asks.
"That you don't want to go there, trust me."
"Well, we do," Haru says. "In fact, we have to."
"Hold up there, didn't you hear what I just said–"
"Yes." She looks to them. "We still have to go."
The guard meets her gaze. "If I do let you through, I can't keep it open – not with that creature on the other side. You'll be trapped until the danger has passed; do you understand?"
"Yes."
The guard shakes their head. "Fine. Your funeral." They trigger the doorway and a blue portal flickers into existence. Even as it fills the arch, black begins to ooze into the corners. "Still thinking it's a good idea?"
"No," Haru admits, "but it's not as if I've got any better ones." And before she can be stopped, she leaps through the swirling, darkening portal.
She lands, once more, in that strange nothingness of the space between realms.
Her companions don't make any noise on their landing, not even Muta.
"Geez, Chicky; you don't do things by halves, do ya? Some warning next time might be appreciated."
"Sorry," she says, although she barely spares him a glance. Somewhere… somewhere here, he had to be… "I didn't know how long they were going to keep the portal open, and I couldn't risk missing it." She starts to pace and trusts Muta and Toto to keep up with her.
"Right… so where exactly is Baron – whoa, this is weird."
She does glance back now, enough to see Muta gawking at the after-image effect of the nowhere space. He waves a paw through the air, just to watch an echo image jarringly mimic it. "Yeah, that seems to happen here."
"And that? Is that also normal?"
Haru looks to where Toto is pointing and she falters at the tar-like substance seeping around their feet. She staggers back, but already it has locked her into place. She only avoids falling by using Baron's old cane to catch her balance. "No. Get back – get back before it–"
The tar suddenly snaps forward, curling around Muta and Toto's feet. Toto attempts to fly free, but the black ooze slams him back to the ground and binds his wings tight.
"What do you want?"
The voice is tired. It cracks at the edges, and only through the barest similarity can Haru even begin to recognise it. This is not the welcome she received last time. This is not the half-Creation she left behind.
"Baron?" she whispers.
More tar-magic gathers before them, congealing until it forms something nearly akin to a humanoid shape. At least, it possesses four limbs and stands on two, but beyond that there is little to be certain of. It raises what passes for a head, featureless save for the inky blackness dripping from it. "Do I know you?"
"I'm Haru."
It continues to look at her, and Haru searches for a glimmer of those emerald eyes, for even a whisper of the Creation she had known, loved –
"No."
"No?" she echoes.
"I do not know you."
"Yer know us, fancypants!"
The creature snaps its head to Muta who, to his credit, doesn't recoil at the empty stare.
"Yeah, you! After the decades we've known each other for, yer think you can just forget us?"
The seconds pass. The head tilts.
"Lun…ardo?"
"Renaldo, but close enough."
"Renaldo?" Haru whispers.
"Don't ask." Muta wrinkles his nose. "But to the likes of you, Baron, it's always been Muta. Only ever Renaldo Moon when I'm in trouble." He nods to Toto. "And, of course, there's the birdbrain. Can't forget him, however much I might try."
The creature doesn't blink, doesn't move, doesn't give any indication that Muta's words had any impact.
And then:
"To…toro?"
"Toto," the crow Creation corrects. "I was made before you. We've been friends all your life."
The creature approaches them and stretches out one tar-like limb, tipped with claws, to them both. The inky blackness holding them down gives them no chance to retreat, not even as the claws find contact on wing and paw.
Haru sees them both flinch, and knows Baron's icy touch hasn't warmed in the time since their last encounter. And again, she watches as his form pulls itself together, reconstructing itself from borrowed memories. The face solidifies first, returning to its feline shape, ears and top hat rising from the peak, and then the coat, the hands, the tail…
"Holy… It really is Baron," Muta whispers.
"Did you ever doubt me?" Haru whispers back, but even having seen the transformation before, she cannot tear her gaze away. Before her stands Baron – monochrome, it's true, except for the ever-emerald hue of his eyes – and she feels hope rise in her chest. Using the cane she has carried this whole journey, she balances forward and strains to catch his attention. "Baron? Do you… do you know me now?"
He looks to her and she sees the doubt line his brow. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've ever–"
"I was different – before. Human."
She sees the penny drop. He releases his hold on Muta and Toto and steps towards her. "…Haru? No, you… you were never meant to… I did this so you wouldn't have to–"
His form suddenly shivers, the sharp lines slackening and melting back into that same featureless shape.
Haru drops the cane and grabs his hands in hers. She feels the coldness of his touch, but it no longer burns the way it used to against her now-metallic skin. He latches back onto her memories and shakily rebuilds his form.
"What's happening to you?" she asks.
"I could ask the same of you," he returns. His eyes blink. Emerald. Human. Feline. His gaze moves mournfully over her Creation body. "Haru, you… I never wanted to force you into this decision. That's why I changed – for you."
Haru snorts, despite herself. "And a fine bloody mess you made of that." Her grip tightens. "Baron, what's wrong? Why are you…? What's happening to you?"
"Time," he says. "Broken magic. I can't… I can't find my form. I can't keep it in my mind. I can't keep who I am in my mind."
"We can help." Haru looks to Toto. "Right? We can help him."
He is silent for a long moment. "His body is gone, Haru."
"What do you mean? He's right there–"
"That's just magic. Magic shaped into the memory of who he once was."
"But there must be something real–"
"His soul, or whatever remained after his transformation is," Toto says. "If we could reunite him with his human half–"
"Humbert is back in the human world."
"Yeah, and we're stuck on this side of things," Muta grunts.
"Even if we could get to him, I don't think he would…" Haru falters. "Humbert has his own life now."
Baron's grip around her hands tightens. "That was meant to be my life."
Haru has little to say to that. If Humbert had retained enough of Baron, if he had been the person she had fallen in love with, she doubts she would ever have come looking for the fragments left behind.
"Even if we could somehow return him to his original form," Toto adds softly, "he would still want for magic. The power he possesses now is remnants of other magic, congealed and corrupted. It won't sustain a Creation form. Not truly."
"There must be a way. Even if we could… I don't know, carve a new form–"
"It won't work. It has to be connected to his original body. And there's nothing left of it," Toto looks apologetically to Baron, "is there?"
Baron shakes his head. "Shattered."
"No." She feels herself shaking, and knows it has nothing to do with the chill emanating off him. "No, I didn't come all this way just to admit defeat. There's a way. There's always a way."
"Haru–"
"Why?" she demands. "Why did you do this, Baron? We were happy, we were–"
"We were apart. I wanted to be with you."
"Don't you know I would have loved you the way you were? Whole?"
He fails to answer.
She sighs and, ignoring the cold, leans close to him, her forehead brushing his. "Oh, Baron; you idiot, you prize idiot." She looks down to their joined hands, to his shadowed, grey gloves and her clockwork hands. Beyond that lies his old cane, thrown aside in her haste to catch him earlier.
The last remnant of who he had once been…
Her heartbeat quickens as she stumbles upon the first inklings of an idea.
"No. This isn't it."
"Haru…" Toto begins.
"This isn't it!" she snaps, and she reaches for the discarded cane. Her fingers slip from Baron for only a moment. His form forgets itself even in that brief second, and then she brings her hands back to his, with the cane locked between their grips. "This used to be part of you," she says. "It was carved alongside you; you told me once how it was even made from the same tree as you. It's enough. It has to be enough."
"There's still the matter of his magic–" Toto warns.
"Then he can take mine."
"Haru, if you were to give up your magic, in your current state, we don't know what that would do to you–"
"Then share it." She looks to Baron, her gaze burning like the sun. "Dammit, Baron; I was planning on sharing my life with you anyway, so what more does this change?" Her conviction abruptly wavers as she sees her altered form reflected in his emerald eyes. "That is, if you still want to be with me when I'm like this."
Gently, he brushes an inky hand across her cheek. "Haru, I will always want to be with you."
She leans into the touch, savours it, and then softly nudges him away. "Then what are we waiting for?" She nods down to the cane. "One last crazy plan, for old time's sake?"
He nods back and his tar-like magic flows over the cane. It whittles away at the wood, chipping off flakes and smoothing over the edges until the shape becomes eerily familiar. Next, Haru feels him tug at her fresh Creation magic, and she lets him create with it, adding colour and light to the form until, finally, a replica of his original body lies in their joined hands.
"What now?" Haru asks.
"Now," he says, "we see if this last crazy plan works. But before we do…" He draws close to her and lingers long enough for her to see his intent, before gently kissing her. "I should have done that a long time ago," he whispers, and he pours his soul into the new body.
She has no time to respond, to tell him damn right you should've before she feels half her magic weave into the figurine. She gasps, staggers, but Toto and Muta are there in an instant to steady her. The inky form before her drops to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut, and she is left standing in a pool of darkness with a lifeless statue still in her hands.
Please, she begs. Please work. Please, please, please…
x
His world is dark and quiet and for the first time in far too long he knows who he is.
Gone is the steady bleed of his identity, the desperate need to hold on tight to his memories. Instead his thoughts sit and they stay, firm in the knowledge of his self. His form is solid and sure. Finally the act of existing is no longer exhausting.
There is a part of him which feels foreign though – the edge of his magic – but it is, in its own way, familiar. It tastes like the first break of spring after a long winter, early-year warmth and seasonal showers, tinged with something metallic.
He opens his eyes and when he sees her smile, it's like looking to the sun.