The Burning Colosseum
Chapter I
"And then I looked and saw that the world was ablaze."
Konohagakure was plagued with whispers. The whispers roamed around market stalls, strolled down isles in shops, sat down with families at dinner tables, joined housewives for tea at noon, were flung across the room by booming voices at drinking establishments and clung to walls and ceilings like cobwebs.
The dreary refrain of the whispers chorused a simple message - Otokagure and Sunagakure would once again rise against Konoha. The whispers cautioned that the first beat of the war drum would in time strike the air and herald a struggle of blood and death. The whispers festered until a menacing cloud of fear and dread hovered over Konoha in its entirety, affecting even those who rejected the whispers.
"You train as if you're fighting for your life. I guess even a little mouse is capable of being aggressive."
The voice startled Hinata stiff and caused a quickening in her chest. Hinata was doubled over with her hands on her knees as she breathed ruggedly. Thin streams of perspiration cascaded down her brow and dripped on the soil as the evening breeze caressed her drenched body.
Sasuke Uchiha stepped out of the darkness like a phantom. He was clothed in black from head to toe. She was pricked by a twinge of disappointment in herself for failing to notice him lurking in the dark corners of the training field.
The dim street lamp drew sinister shadows on Sasuke's face. His emergence reminded her of an ancient legend about a shinigami who assumed the form of a handsome young boy whenever he appeared under the shadow of the night to deliver death to his victims when the time that the gods of life had allotted to his victims was depleted. Sasuke's countenance was mostly inexpressive save for a touch of weariness and a smidgen of curiosity.
"Sa-Sasuke-san ?"
She had not caught sight of him since that terrible day when life had ruthlessly reiterated how utterly fickle it was. Life had demonstrated how it could be snuffed out as easily as one could blow away the white leaves of a young fuzzy dandelion. Sasuke's face contorted.
"Don't look so shocked, Hyuga. I was imprisoned. Not dead."
Pity welled up in her breast. Enduring a cold, cramped cell for two weeks and subsequently enduring sixty days of house arrest could not have been easy.
"I apologise," she replied before standing upright. Exhaustion made her feel weak in the knees.
Sasuke withdrew into his thoughts. He grew so distracted that she felt invisible. She did not mind the feeling. She was accustomed to feeling unseen.
It was rumoured that Kakashi Hatake had dragged Sasuke kicking and screaming back to Konoha before he could fall into Orochimaru's clutches. She wondered if his decision to defect bothered him. She truly hoped so.
She could not stomach the idea of Sasuke lacking any remorse for attempting to affiliate himself with Orochimaru. The very same Orochimaru who had orchestrated the invasion and sparked the chain of events that had led to... She willed her tears away as her train of thought pried open the wound in her heart.
She clutched her right arm below the elbow and shifted her weight from one leg to the other. She had never exchanged more than two or three sentences with Sasuke in all the years they had known one another. She desired to say numerous things to him but her social anxiety resisted. What if she failed to articulate herself well enough? What if he perceived her as awkward and strange? She wrestled with her anxiety until she found her voice.
"Is there s-something you w-want, Sasuke-san ?"
She was avoiding the elephant in the room but initiating a conversation was a start. Sasuke's charcoal eyes gained focus and captured her own. She battled the urge to look away.
"There are a few things I can think of. Too bad the universe doesn't seem to give a damn."
"I..." Hidden hands closed her throat. "I'm sorry about Sakura-chan."
It was Sasuke who broke eye contact. Her withering spirit elicited a trembling in her lips. She desired to say more but an invisible noose had tied up her vocal cords.
The memory of the mass funeral after the invasion was all too raw. Months had passed but the experience felt as fresh as though it had transpired mere hours ago. None of the surviving members of Team Seven had made an appearance at the funeral. The extent to which Sakura's mother and Ino had been inconsolable had fractured her heart. She had never witnessed people weep in such a way before.
All their childish, rose-coloured delusions about what it meant to be a shinobi had been buried with Sakura. A single truth had resounded in their green hearts that day - a truth they had been taught for years but had never truly grasped. That foul-tasting truth about death in their profession had finally resonated. For a time, she had found herself regretting the life she had chosen to lead.
"At times, I find myself waiting..." she whispered.
Sasuke shifted his gaze from the treeline. The boy who had lost both his teammates looked at her.
"Waiting for what ?" answered Sasuke.
"Waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Waiting to feel relieved when I realise that this was nothing more than a bad dream and that Sakura is still alive."
And that Hanabi is alright, she thought. Her eyes gained moisture. Sasuke frowned.
"Look. Sakura is dead. She's not coming back. Do yourself a favour and get that in your head."
The words had been delivered without a dash nor a stroke of compassion. How could a person be so callous about the death of a teammate? She hated to think it but she could not help but wonder if Sasuke truly cared that Sakura had died. The unknown quantity before her shoved his hands in his pockets, spun around and was swallowed by the darkness he had emerged from.
Konoha's leadership could no longer cast a blind eye to the destabilising whispers. The council launched an onslaught on the rumours and exhausted all avenues to dissuade the many civilians and few shinobi who had fallen prey to what it deemed as baseless and misleading speculation. Those who had never bought the rumours aided the council by dismissing the rumours as nothing more than the work of overactive imaginations.
"Orochimaru and Suna would be fools to try anything after being defeated like that," argued the rejectors of the whispers.
Despite the council's efforts to dissuade the populace, the hazardous plume of dread and fear hovering over the village could not be entirely blown away. The whispers continued having sway over a large number of villagers. Those advocating in support of the whispers, the harbingers of doom, argued that Konoha was vulnerable because it was still without a Hokage and that Suna, Oto or whoever desired Konoha's fall would see it as an opportune time to strike them down.
Those who were known to have emigrated from Suna were now regarded with xenophobic disdain and were even accused of being spies by some villagers.
A vendor who had emigrated from Suna close to a decade ago had been attacked and nearly beaten to death in an alley after a few drinks at a pub one evening. Towards the middle of October, a chunin on the night patrol had caught a trio of civilian teenagers vandalising a clothing store that was owned by a Suna immigrant - the sixth xenophobic incident of that nature in three weeks.
Hinata could recall only a single incident where Kurenai had lost her temper - during the second week of September, a little over a month after the invasion.
"Why do you we have to keep busting our asses so hard, Sensei ?" grumbled Kiba. "I'm sick of this !"
There had been a massive shift in their training. Training had evolved into a grueling neverending race up a mountain which grew steeper with each step. She had not been surprised when Kiba finally reached his breaking point one humid afternoon.
A part of her had felt relieved that Kiba had complained even though his wording left much to be desired. Her relief had been washed away by the soul-stirring anxiousness which had possessed her as a result of the finger-numbingly frosty stare Kurenai had given Kiba. The look had compelled her and Shino to pause their taijutsu spar and watch the unfolding scene.
"Are you undermining my authority, Kiba? You'll be sick of it only when I tell you to. Is that clear ?"
Their sensei's tone had been sharper than a straight razor and twice as cold. Merely being in the vicinity of that scene had been beyond uncomfortable. She still could not get over the image of their sensei furiously towering over Kiba. Their sensei's fury had curiously multiplied her beauty. She had seemed like a celestial being - an exotic, red-eyed angel of death - who intended to smite Kiba and all his descendants for his insolence.
"Are you implying that my judgment is so faulty that I am incapable of determining what is best for you ?" demanded Kurenai.
Kiba had withdrawn like a tortoise retreating into its shell.
"No, sensei," Kiba answered in a subdued voice with his eyes pinned on the ground. They had waited for their unrecognisable sensei's next move with bated breath.
"Get over here you two," Kurenai summoned them.
She had given Shino an apprehensive glance only to feel silly when he calmly looked at her before walking towards their sensei.
"Hinata, Shino, Kiba. Listen to me, you never know when the world will spiral into madness," was Kurenai's grave warning.
Kurenai's eyes had softened before she placed her hand on Kiba's shoulder.
"I need you three to be ready. It's the only way I can sleep peacefully at night," their leader had told them.
From then onwards, none of them had grumbled about training. What was their sensei so afraid of? They had never asked. Perhaps Sakura's death had shaken her. Perhaps it was something else. Nonetheless, they had faith in Kurenai's judgement and simply played their part.
The weight of her spectator's eyes pressed down on her but she did not allow herself to be distracted. She struck the air with her palms and fingertips, twisted and turned as she executed the footwork that had been drilled into her memory from an early age. Her heart was galloping and the burning in her flesh made her hyperaware of every muscle carrying her forward.
She was supposed to be resting. Kurenai had given them the day off. She had intended to take advantage of the opportunity to rejuvenate. Unfortunately, she had made the mistake of visiting Hanabi. Seeing the grim sight of her sister had caused her mood to plummet right into the mud. Truthfully, she did not know what she had expected. She had been exposed to the sight innumerable times but it never ceased to leave her shaken.
Her momentum was fading. She spun around and attacked an imaginary foe with sixteen palm strikes. Her body was standing at the cliff of its limits. She was using her last dimming embers of strength. She felt her body letting go and swayed to the side before she stumbled to regain her footing.
She had fought her demons enough for one evening, she supposed. She rested her hands on her hips as she greedily drank every last drop of air her lungs could take in. Fighting demons - that was the purpose of her evening antics at the training grounds. Somewhere along the way, training had become a coping mechanism - a precious outlet for all the heaviness bearing down on her soul.
She observed the spectator across her. He stood resting against a tree with his arms crossed, clothed in all black as usual. She moved towards the tree once she recovered enough energy. His eyes repeatedly strayed to her scantly covered chest before retreating to her face.
She bit the inside of her cheek before sliding her tongue over the corners over her dehydrated lips. A draught slipped through the holes in her mesh shirt. Never before had her beige jacket, which was lying on the yellow grass beside her water bottle, seemed like such a reprieve - like such a refuge. Her spectator picked up her water bottle as she approached the tree. She stopped in front of him and held out her hand.
"If you don't mind, S-sasuke-san."
He dangled the bottle next to his face with a straight face.
"Why don't you take it from me, little mouse ?"
Hinata narrowed her eyes. Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. She acted but his reflexes were too swift. The Uchiha's lips stretched into a smirk. Sasuke Uchiha was a living, breathing pain in the behind at times.
"Fine. Keep it. I hope you'll be pleased when I collapse from dehydration."
She sat down even though her mouth was dryer than paper.
"You're giving up already? I thought mice were supposed to bite when cornered ?"
"I don't appreciate being called a mouse."
Communicating with Sasuke, she had discovered, was less daunting for her than communicating with most people. The cool air lightly moving its fingers up and down her stomach reminded her about her state of dress. She reached for her jacket.
"You're modest to a fault, aren't you? Aren't you feeling hot from training ?" Sasuke muttered, his eyes not straying from the open field before them.
A surge of rebelliousness allowed her to retract her hand from her jacket. Sasuke settled beside her and surrendered the water bottle. She could not recall many instances where a sip of water had tasted so devine. The refreshing smell of soap and forest-scented shampoo wafting off Sasuke made her conscious of her far-from-heavenly odour.
"Sasuke-san, are you..."
She tried to find an appropriate word but such a word eluded her.
"What? Cat got your tongue ?"
He stared at her anticipatingly without blinking - as if waiting for a thunderbolt of realisation to strike her.
"Get it ?"
She sighed.
"Cat got your tongue is funny because I'm supposedly a mouse ?"
Sasuke grinned.
"You can't say I'm not hilarious"
"Are you stalking me ?"
The grin Sasuke was sporting shriveled into nothingness. Sasuke's lips parted in puzzlement.
"Excuse me ?"
"You're h-here n-nearl-ly e-every evening," she stammered, her nerve disintegrating.
The sky was their silent audience. The stars were glowing grains of sand that were sprinkled over a dark, infinite blanket. She stared at her hands. Her question sounded more absurd with every beat of silence that passed.
"So what if I've been stumbling on you while you're training? Haven't you heard of something called a coincidence, Hyuga ?"
He laid his head against the tree as he habitually did when they sat together and conversed after she finished training.
"Doesn't the Hyuga estate have fancy facilities? Why train here? In the middle of the night no less."
She twiddled her thumbs. She was now on the other end of the Interrogation table.
"I come here for a change of scenery."
She lifted her head. Her eyes met Sasuke's. His eyelashes were long, thick and lustrous. She decided that they were beautiful. Sasuke weighed her words for a few moments.
"To get away ?" said Sasuke.
She smiled.
"Yes."
She could not explain why it was so but being at the Hyuga estate at that time of the evening caused her thoughts to circle around Hanabi, Naruto and Sakura. Getting away was the only reprieve that saved her from drowning in a river of gloomy thoughts.
Neji and her father despised her evening training habits. They saw no reason for her to leave the estate to train. Perhaps that was part of the reason why she religiously observed the practice.
Small acts of rebellion allowed a caged bird such as herself to feel liberated from the bondage of meekness. Perhaps that was why she was presently fighting the persisting urge to submit to her typical standards of modesty and wear her jacket. Rebelling reduced her sense of helplessness against whichever forces, physical or unseen, dictated the trajectory of her life.
"I guess we have one thing in common then. After months of being imprisoned in my apartment, even the colour of the wall drives me crazy at times."
She wondered what was more peculiar - the fact that he considered how they mutually felt the need to get away from their abodes as the sole thing they had in common or their repeated 'chance' encounters.
Eighty-four days. Konoha had been without a Hokage for eighty-four days. Hinata was not deliberately keeping a tally of the days where the Hokage seat had been vacant. The number of days that had passed without a Hokage was simply equivalent to the number of days Hanabi had been dead to the world.
Whispers were circulating about the Hokage's seat. Some claimed that Jiraya of The Senin had politely declined the position. It was also said that Lady Tsunade had refused to succeed her sensei. Jiraya had attempted but dismally failed to convince Lady Tsunade to take up the mantle.
According to the grapevine, Tsunade Senju had plummeted from grace. She was now merely a dispirited vestige of the kunoichi she had once been. An aimless, burnt-out vagabond who spent her days galavanting from land to land, gambling and drinking herself to a stupor. The rumours were truly vicious to the reputation of the woman many kunoichi, including Hinata, regarded as an inspiration.
If only Lady Tsunade had met Naruto, the old Naruto who was nowhere to be seen, perhaps she would have become Hokage. Naruto Uzumaki had a way of bringing about the most profound changes in people. Shino had once joked that Naruto was capable of inspiring the dry bones inside a grave to break from death's prison and live.
A Hokage would soon need to be appointed despite how the council's preferred choices were unwilling to heed to the call of duty. The law did not permit the Hokage seat to be vacant for more than ninety-five days.
Many were still grieving the dozens of loved ones who had perished during the invasion. Immigrants were being subjected to severe hostility. Conflicting reactions to sensational war talk were further dividing the masses. The absence of a Hokage was a further cause of an unsettled populace. The days were evil.
Konoha needed a Hokage now more than ever.
"Have you heard any news about Naruto-kun ?" Hinata dared to ask one evening.
Simply speaking Naruto's name was an act of courage. As usual, a lump lodged itself in the hollow of her throat. It was pathetic in a way. She was terrible at moving on - terrible at letting go.
For once, she was not damp with sweat. She had not possessed even the tiniest smidgen of appetite for training that evening. Her reason for being there was unrelated to training. Her reason had jet-black hair and eyes painted black.
Sasuke had not questioned her about her reason for being there considering that she had no intention of training. He had not pried just like she never pried into his reasons for lingering whenever he 'stumbled' upon her.
Sasuke answered her question with silence. Disappointment swelled in her heart.
"I hope Naruto-kun is well. Wherever he is..."
"I doubt he's having the time of his life. You know how he felt about Sakura."
What was more disturbing? The pang of jealousy and the slight resentment she felt towards a dead girl? Or was it the chilling indifference that coated Sasuke's tone as he spoke about Naruto and Sakura? Sasuke sounded as though he was merely referring to characters from a novel he had never read. Did his teammates' fates truly bother him as much as they should have?
"Kakashi suspects that Naruto is under Anbu's custody. There's a rumour that there's an operative who can contain the Nine-Tails."
She pursed her lips as her heart sank at the news. Was Naruto currently chained to a wall like a deadly untamed beast?
"Under Anbu's custody as a prisoner ?"
Sasuke searched her face. A fire had been set ablaze in his charcoal eyes. She sensed his anger and bitterness.
"No, they're supervising him so to speak. The people at the top decided to take him off Kakashi's hands and entrust him to Anbu. They're simply treating Naruto with more caution because of what happened."
She exhaled softly, relieved that her fears were not a reality. Sasuke pulled up his upper lip contemptuously.
"Naruto basically walked scott free and yet I'm the one who supposedly received a slap on the wrist for my crimes? What a joke."
She frowned, finding the direction the conversation was moving in unpalatable. Sasuke glowered at the darkness.
"I never murdered anyone."
Anger trickled into her. Drop by drop it corroded her peace like drops of hazardous acid eating away at the skin. Sasuke dared to use the grave mistake Naruto had made to unsully himself and appear more righteous?
Their sins were incomparable. Yes, the impact of Naruto's sin was graver than the impact of Sasuke's defection but there was a stark difference between what they had committed. Naruto's sin had been involuntary but Sasuke had voluntarily betrayed Konoha. Sasuke had chosen to walk that path.
"That's... That's not fair."
"Exactly," he agreed with a nod.
"No." She shook her head. "You misunderstand me, Sasuke-san. I do not agree with you." Her tone pierced like barbed wire. Her voice sounded like that of a stranger.
Sasuke's mouth contracted as he glared at her. Her heartbeat accelerated but she found herself unwilling to yield to him.
"Mistakes were made, Sasuke-san. Let's just leave it at that."
She refrained from saying more.
"Go on. Seems like you have more to say," urged Sasuke. His abrasive tone provoked her into speaking despite her better judgement.
"If we were to weigh what you did versus what Naruto-kun did, the scales would not tip in your favour," she added without looking at him.
"I can see you're not finished! Carry on !"
She jolted away from him, startled by his outburst. She had never seen him so cross. He was an explosive that was ready to detonate and burn the world to smithereens. Having a civilised exchange would be impossible going forward. Only two options remained - fight or flight. She, being who she was, chose flight. She rose from the ground. She only managed to walk five steps before Sasuke's hand clamped down on her wrist.
"What Naruto did is unforgivable. Going after Orochimaru was nothing in comparison. Nothing !"
The impulse to take flight transformed into something else. Why was the world so against Naruto? The boy did nothing but try his best in life. Despite that, life and people like Sasuke never ceased to pummel him, spit and defecate on him. She was sick of being a silent bystander as that injustice took place.
She spun around to face Sasuke and ripped her wrist from his grip. A glint of surprise gleamed in Sasuke's eyes.
"Maybe there is no coming back from what Naruto did. Maybe there is absolutely nothing he can do to make things right but you have to accept it for what it is. A mistake that was entirely beyond his control."
She rubbed her wrist. The muscles on the side of Sasuke's face jumped as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. He opened his mouth to argue but she refused to give him the opportunity.
"You, on the other hand, Sasuke... You betrayed us of your own free will. You chose Orochimaru over us. We buried dozens of people, Sasuke. Comrades and defenseless civilians! People with friends and families, Sasuke !"
Sasuke looked at her as though she had spat on his cheek. She crossed her arms over her chest. The tornado of emotion rampaging within caused her eyes to leak. She turned her head away from him and dried her eyes.
"So please..."
She waited for an outburst that never came. Sasuke tugged his lips into a sardonic smile. He appeared too old for his thirteen years when he smiled so grimly and cynically.
"I can't believe this crap," he laughed as he shook his head. He stepped into her personal space and glared down at her.
"It's so easy for you to antagonise me for trying to leave from your high pedestal. Listen, Hyuga. In case you've forgotten, Itachi slaughtered every man, woman and child in my clan except me."
He lifted his arm and pointed in a random direction.
"He is out there! Living freely without paying for his sins. I won't just sit by and wait for him to die from old age. I'll make him pay. No matter the cost."
Was there no price too steep for Sasuke Uchiha? From the look in his glassy eyes, she supposed that he had resigned himself to dancing with the devil. What if he had not attempted to defect again solely because he would not succeed?
"Would you go back to Orochimaru if you could ?"
Sasuke looked her dead in the eyes. For a moment, she was afraid he would look too deep and find what lay beneath the mask she wore day by day.
"In a heartbeat."
This time, the tightening in her breast was caused by something other than reproach. Sasuke Uchiha, she decided, was too tragic a character. Loss had robbed him of more than his loved ones.
She would miss the compassion in Hiruzen Sarutobi's eyes, Hinata decided as she took in Danzo Shimura's compassionless countenance during his inauguration as the Fifth Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato.
"I have become your Hokage not because of any previous aspirations to be Hokage but out of necessity and my duty to Konohagakure and her people," was the key takeaway from their new Hokage's inauguration speech.
Last night, she had found her father discussing Danzo Shimura with his cousin when she had presented herself at his study to deliver an update about Hanabi. She was still astonished that her father had permitted her to enter his study while such a conversation had been transpiring. She had sat and waited while the men voiced subversive sentiments about their Hokage.
"He is a ruthless man. A man who does not hesitate to dirty his hands through heinous acts if he deems it to be for the greater good. A man who believes that the end always justifies the means."
The men had continued discussing Danzo for nearly five minutes. She wondered if they thought so little of her that they had forgotten that she was in the room.
"Surely you have heard whispers about those orphans. I am not comfortable with entrusting Konoha to such a man."
Her father's grim tone had made the muscles in her shoulders turn rigid. Her intuition advised her that she was better off not knowing what her father had been referring to.
"I do not consider myself a righteous man - no sensible shinobi can ever deem themselves as righteous - but I am greatly disappointed that a man who knows not when to draw the line and is not bound to notions of good, evil and morality will become our Hokage. Sarutobi's death is truly regrettable," had been her father's final remark about Danzo Shimura.
Yes, she would miss Hiruzen Sarutobi's compassion. She would miss Hiruzen Sarutobi's occasional grandfatherly moments.
She envisioned Naruto standing among the multitude, watching their new Hokage standing on a high platform draped in robes of red and white. She imagined him boldly proclaiming that he was next in line with a grin as bright as an orange flare soaring up a moonless night sky.
Daydream and imagine as she may, the bitter truth was that Naruto was not there. All that was there was Danzo's strict countenance and the sadness that sawed her chest like a blunt knife.
It was considered a fortune for shinobi to be buried in Konoha. Many shinobi were allotted a final resting place in places of lower esteem than the hallowed grounds where generations of Konoha's seed were sheltered in the soil of their forefathers.
The unfortunate shinobi were buried in forsaken pits in lands far and near, stashed in nondescript forest corners or tossed into hungry fires by enemy hands for easy disposal. Perhaps some of the fallen had succumbed to their wounds while sheltered in mountain crevices or caves leaving the mountains as unconsenting tombs.
Sakura was considered fortunate but that was ridiculous, wasn't it ? How could people honestly mention death and fortune in the same breath? How could Sakura possibly be considered fortunate when she had died? The loud silence chorusing the absence of life and the finality of oblivion's cold grasp in that sad, sad graveyard convinced Hinata that people were not honest with themselves regarding such things.
She was standing a bit far-off from Sakura's grave, slightly hesitant to move any closer. Sasuke was hunched over Sakura's grave with his head hung low and his hands embedded in his pockets.
She had not seen Sasuke in nearly two weeks. He had stopped coming to the training grounds after their fight. The hand of coincidence had pulled a few strings to set them on the same path once again.
A gust passed through the cemetery and scooped the crisp golden leaves off the ground. The sun had assumed its position in the sky but it was providing very little warmth. Maybe because it was still early. Maybe because Winter was drawing nearer.
She convinced herself to approach Sasuke. Dehydrated leaves crinkled beneath her shoes as she moved towards Sakura's grave with a bouquet of white carnations in hand. She bent down to lay the bouquet adjacent to Sakura's headstone.
Wasn't it funny? She had never gifted Sakura with a single pretty flower when she was alive but there she was with a whole bouquet of them when it no longer truly mattered. The ways of the world were backwards at times.
She stood next to Sasuke with her hands clasped before her. The load pressing down on Sasuke's shoulders was a hefty one. He seemed so brittle. As though careless handling would shatter him into a hundred pieces. She regretted accusing him of being unaffected by Sakura's death as he mourned as though Sakura had perished mere hours ago.
"Have you ever been in conflict with yourself, Hyuga ?"
Sasuke's voice sounded muddled from disuse. He cleared his throat.
"Has that conflict ever kept you up at night ?"
She shook her head. It never progressed to that stage.
"Lucky you."
He released a weighty sigh.
"Today is my first time here. My first time seeing her grave."
He lifted his eyes to look at her. There were dark bags beneath his eyes. She failed to suppress her disappointment.
"I had the feeling that seeing her grave with my own two eyes would eliminate Orochimaru as an option. I knew seeing her grave would result in me trying to kill that snake the next time we meet."
"I don't understand..."
He stared at the white carnations.
"It's simple. A part of me wanted the power Orochimaru offered but a part of me wanted to shove a kunai through his neck for causing the invasion that killed Sakura."
He smiled sourly and met her eyes again.
"You thought I didn't care that his invasion killed Sakura ?"
She lost the strength to look at him.
"Sakura was annoying at times and too incompetent but she had her redeeming qualities. She was my teammate. I cared about..."
He stopped as though he could not continue. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, schooling his expression. His eyes were bleeding crimson when he reopened them.
"Sakura didn't deserve to die."
Those words caused a tremor to pulse through her body. She clasped her hands tighter and studied the gift Sasuke's blood had bestowed upon him. She had never seen the Sharingan at such proximity.
"You have beautiful eyes," she unintentionally confessed. She quickly lowered her gaze to her feet and fiddled with the zip of her jacket as shame rose in her stomach.
"Get over it. They are not for aesthetics."
The corner of her mouth twitched up.
"I tried to justify my actions to myself. I fed myself lies and excuses just so I could find the will to go after Orochimaru. For a while, I succeeded in lying to myself. I convinced myself that Sakura's death was her fault because she was incompetent."
She wondered if he was revealing these things to her so freely because he subconsciously wanted someone to condemn him.
"I even consoled myself by telling myself that I would avenge her by killing Orochimaru after he'd served his purpose."
The breeze carried the botanical scent of the carnations to them. The sky was adorned with cheerful, fluffy white clumps of cotton clouds. The headstone before them loomed over them like a hill despite its small size.
"I can't run away from the truth. No matter how selfish I want to be. Just as much as Naruto can't run away from what he did."
"You told me you would go back to Orochimaru in a heartbeat if you could."
Their eyes connected. He smiled lopsidedly.
"Sometimes, the people preaching to you are trying to convince themselves even more than they're trying to convince you."
She digested the profound words. The more she discovered about him, the more she desired to know.
"Does this mean you are through with Orochimaru ?"
Sasuke took a long look at Sakura's grave. His gaze lingered on the flowers she had laid. He straightened his posture and lifted his head high. The load weighing down on him no longer seemed so hefty. Sasuke turned to take his leave.
"What do you think? That depraved freak would probably try to molest me anyway."
A smile crept onto her face as she watched his back. She lingered by Sakura's grave for a moment before departing.
That night, she found herself once again being watched by charcoal eyes as she trained. She pondered the development of how she now preferred having a one-man audience to having no audience.
Hanako And The Magic Teapot - that was the title of her favourite fable from her childhood. It was about a talking piglet who inherited a magic teapot from her grandmother. A person who possessed the magic teapot could make a wish and alter a single thing about themselves, no matter how big or small. Hanako, the piglet, used her wish to become the best singer in existence so that she could bring joy to the world through music.
Had that magic teapot not been fictional, Hinata would have used it to wish for the ability to accept things she could not change. Perhaps if she could accept what had happened to Hanabi, the guilt devouring her alive with gluttonous fangs would release her.
She was not to blame for Hanabi's fate. There was nothing she could have done to prevent Hanabi from recklessly trying to be a hero. Despite that, her conscience did not seem to understand that. Guilt had become her lord and the bane of her inner peace.
Hanabi had been comatose for one hundred and nine days. Medically speaking, Hanabi's chances of waking up from her cursed slumber diminished with each week that passed with her still comatose.
Never before had she felt so powerless as an elder sister - so wholly incapable of being of help. She sometimes needed to remind herself that even the medics could do nothing for Hanabi. That reminder was the only truth that prevented her from despising herself too greatly.
Her suffering surpassed what she permitted her loved ones to see. In their eyes, she was taking Hanabi's situation in stride, staying hopeful, staying positive. The truth was there were many occasions where she was barely coping.
She was habitually restless at night. She sometimes fell victim to bouts of despondency during her waking hours. There were moments when she became so dejected that she grew numb to her surroundings. Moments where she was so disconnected that she felt like an imposter in her own skin.
Her appetite deserted her from time to time. Force-feeding herself had become all too familiar. She did not have to wait for the villagers' paranoid ideas to become a reality to have her first taste of war. She was already at war. Hanabi's hospital room and her mind were the bloody battlefields.
"Wipe your tears. This is not the time for weakness," Hiashi Hyuga admonished as Hinata sat across him in his study with tears streaking down her face. She wiped her face, like the meek and ever obedient daughter that she loathed being, and forced herself to stop crying.
"Do you understand what is expected of you ?"
She responded with a minuscule up and down movement of her head.
"Good. You are dismissed."
She rose from the wooden floor and bowed, not daring to look at her father, before retreating from his joyless study. Her lips shuddered and her tears descended freely as soon as she entered the corridor. She rushed to her room.
Neji turned into the other end of the corridor. He furrowed his brow and gathered his lips into a frown when he saw her. His eyes searched her body as if searching for physical injury. He blocked her path as she was about to pass him without acknowledging him.
"Hinata-sama ? What's the matter ?"
She manoeuvred around him, her shoulder colliding with his, and pressed on to her room.
"Hinata !"
So much as glancing at Hanabi's door as she moved down the corridor was beyond her strength. She found refuge behind the walls of her bedroom and there she wept until she sank into sleep's embrace.
Hinata lifted her head to stare at the boy looming over her, the boy who was steadily becoming a constant she had never anticipated in her day-to-day. Sasuke examined her with a quirked brow and a titled head.
"Back to the land of the living, Hyuga? I nearly searched for your name at the cemetery."
She rolled her eyes. Her lips tugged themselves into a smile.
"It was only three evenings."
She took in the bruise on his cheek, his low-lidded eyes and the exhausted slump of his posture.
"You seem tired," she noted.
He expelled a sharp breath through his nose and sat down.
"Training with Gai. Kakashi is not around."
Her mood deflated at the mention of Might Gai. She could never think about the eccentric so-called Green Beast of Konoha without thinking about Rock Lee. The sensei and student's existences were inextricably linked in her mind - like two sides of a coin.
To think that the feverant Rock Lee's days of fighting were over... In moments like these, she recalled the hollowness she had seen in Lee's eyes. A hollowness that Lee's bright grins and motivational words could not disguise. It was as if Gaara had carved Lee open and stolen some vital component from his being.
Only someone of Tsunade's caliber could reverse the damage of Lee's injuries. As long as Lady Tsunade avoided Konoha like pestilence, recovery was a mere fanta-
The pair of fingers which snapped in front of her face drew her from her musings. Sasuke's expression was smeared with a dab of irritation.
"Could you please repeat what you said," she said. He muttered an incoherent, possibly unsavoury, remark before repeating himself.
"Where were you ?"
Having to account for her absence added a new dimension to their relationship - a sense of accountability that implied that there were obligations to be upheld between them. Obligations that were not seen between mere acquaintances. Sasuke turned his eyes from her.
"Nevermind. It's none of my business."
She supposed he was attempting to undo what he probably deemed to be an act of sheer folly - narrowing the gulf between them by asking questions that suggested that he cared for her. Sasuke was trying to maintain that lessening distance, that perishing unfamiliarity between them.
"I wasn't myself," she whispered, reaching out to Sasuke from across the gulf he was trying to keep intact.
She was hoping to bypass that wall Sasuke had erected between himself and everyone. The gulf between Sasuke and everyone was what allowed him to avoid excessive emotional involvement with people. It was what made him seem so indifferent to people.
"How so ?" answered Sasuke, not pushing her back to the other side of the gulf.
Saliva settled in her throat. Her stomach churned nervously.
"I..."
Not once had she disclosed the cause of her anguish to anyone. The uncharacteristically patient look Sasuke directed at her helped her find her voice.
"My father told me that he expects me to reassume my position as the heiress if Hanabi, my younger sister, does not wake up."
"If she doesn't wake up ?"
She felt as though her tongue had grown heavier.
"She's in a coma. She was injured during the invasion."
Sasuke's eyes lowered from her face to her neck. His face tightened solemnly.
Her meeting with her father had left her gutted. She had spent the following day wallowing in her room - even missing team training as a result. Neji's relentless pestering from the other side of her locked bedroom door was the sole reason she had eaten that day. Fortunately, her cousin had not pried into her affairs. He had merely voiced his wish for her to pick herself up. She had dragged herself to team training the next day and lied about having been ill.
"Maybe I was so shaken by what my father said because I'm a coward who's afraid to face reality. Hanabi really might..."
Her lips refused to utter the word. A shiver coursed through her on a warm evening.
"Perhaps I felt as though my father was speaking the possibility of Hanabi... further into existence. I preferred that we not verbalise that outcome. I don't know if it's optimism or denial that made me feel that way."
She settled her gaze on her lap.
"Probably denial."
A single thought had echoed in her mind throughout the past few days - Hanabi was too young to die. Yes, death did not discriminate, she understood that. Regardless, she was unable - no, unwilling - to make peace with the possibility of death claiming her sister.
The mere thought of Hanabi dying nearly seemed blasphemous. She was supposed to watch little Hanabi, who was not so little anymore, grow into a woman, get married and have children. Hanabi was destined for great things. She wiped her wet eyes, not intending on completely letting herself go in Sasuke's presence.
Sasuke spared her no words of comfort. She was not surprised. How could he possibly assure her that everything would be okay when the lens through which he perceived the world was so bleak? Sasuke focused his gaze elsewhere as a small act of mercy.
"You were no longer the heir ?"
Embarrassment, her most ancient and faithful friend, enveloped her. She would not dare meet his eyes.
"Hanabi is a more desirable heir. I was put aside because I'm not good enough for the clan."
"They consider you weak ?"
"Too weak in combat. Too meek and softhearted to lead."
Those words were the bitter stones that had been cast at her for years. Oddly enough, those words never ceased to cut deep even after all these years.
"I cried when Father told me I might have to become the heiress. He told me to stop crying because this is not the time for weakness."
She wondered if her father understood how greatly he had trampled on her spirit at that moment.
"If being the head of the Hyuga clan requires you to become a person who reprimands his daughter for crying about the possibility of his other daughter dying..." she felt her blood rushing hotter and her facial muscles tense.
"Then Father can keep his shitty position. I want no damn part of it."
Sasuke turned his head towards her so quickly that the movement seemed unsafe. His eyes were teeming with a mixture of surprise and excitement.
"I don't usually use that kind of language."
"I didn't say anything," Sasuke answered, mirth dripping from his lips.
"That's not who I am."
"Alright."
He placed his hands behind his head and rested his head against the tree before closing his eyes.
"It feels good, doesn't it? Not having to be so pristine all the time."
"Everyone expects me to be this perfect little doll who'll never even say a single profanity. I hate dealing with those expectations. I hate feeling compelled to meet those expectations," she confessed.
"You're the only one..."
She licked her lips.
"Who allows you to be real?"
"Yes."
He smiled. She smiled along with him.
"Your father reminds me of mine," Sasuke confessed the day after she had confided in him.
Her unlikely companion smiled. It was a curious little curl of the lips that was nearly nonexistent. His face was bright with the soft glow of nostalgia. For once, he appeared younger than his age.
"He disapproved of the way I behaved. He thought I was too playful and too unconcerned about my position as the clan head's son."
She drank his every word as if it were water.
"I was nine for crying out loud," laughed Sasuke.
His smile dissolved. He fixed his eyes on her face. She watched the twinkle in his eyes burn out.
"I know a thing or two about being a black sheep."
Sasuke's brows furrowed as he frowned.
"Why are you smiling like that ?"
She bit her lip to stifle her toothless grin.
"I don't know... Knowing that just makes me feel better about myself. Even the prodigy was a black sheep at some point."
Sasuke shook his head.
"Who said you could use my trauma to make yourself feel better about yourself ?"
She shrugged.
A dwarf flying squirrel descended from its flight and landed a couple of meters away from them. The nocturnal creature paused and observed them curiously. The sight of the tiny, adorable grey-furred animal with its cute large eyes pumped warmth into her heart.
Sasuke slowly reached into his pocket and retrieved a half-empty packet of nuts. He poured a few nuts into his palm and extended his hand towards the squirrel. She was still processing the strange phenomenon of Sasuke Uchiha attempting to feed a squirrel when the tiny creature made its approach and started eating out of Sasuke's palm. She observed the interaction in fascination before clinging onto Sasuke's arm.
"Can I..."
Sasuke's eyes lowered to his arm, the arm she had seized in her excitement. She remembered herself and released him. She was still wading in a river of embarrassment when Sasuke passed her the packet of nuts. The squirrel carried on munching from his palm. She positioned her palm beside his.
"You're holding out your hand wrongly."
She nearly jolted when Sasuke's calloused fingers met the skin on the back of her hand.
"Like this," he said, gently tilting her hand.
Her pulse drummed in her ears. She momentarily forgot about the squirrel. A fluttering occurred in her belly when their eyes met. She looked away, her face warm, and focused on the squirrel eating from her palm.
The more she glimpsed behind the veil that hid parts of Sasuke, the more she wanted to discover. Every uncovering of the unexpected reeled her as a fisherman reeled in the string of his fishing rod.
"So... Does that mean we have two things in common ?"
"Hmmm ?" replied Sasuke, his eyes fixed on her palm as she fed the squirrel.
"You said that we have one thing in common because we both feel the need to get away from our homes at times. Is your history as a black sheep the second thing we have in common ?"
"I guess."
Her lips curved into a faint smile. She shook her head.
"What ?"
The squirrel drifted away once it had received its fill. Sasuke dusted his hands on his thighs. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.
"You believe we only have two things in common?"
"Why don't you ever call me by my name? It's always Hyuga and never Hinata," Hinata probed one evening.
Sasuke frowned like one whose time was being greatly wasted. Did he call her Hyuga as a way of maintaining a buffer between them?
"Because I want to," was Sasuke's coarse response.
Hinata fingered her zip and bit the tender tissue of her inner cheek. They had stopped at a street intersection and were on the precipice of parting and traveling to their respective homes. How she wished she was not groping in the darkness and knew how to communicate what she intended to convey.
"I g-get the f-feeling that you're n-not as free as you c-could be. You're-"
"What are you babbling on about, Hyuga ?"
Sasuke's remark chafed her insides. She pursed her lips together and wondered why she was even bothering.
"Could you let me speak without being so dismissive and rude ?"
"Speak then." His tone had not softened by a jot nor a tittle. She sighed.
"I think you know what I'm trying to say to you. That's why you're suddenly so confrontational."
"Oh ?" Sasuke replied, voice dripping with sarcasm and fraying at her nerves.
"I'll say it anyway. You keep everyone at arm's length. I've gotten to know you so much more but I constantly feel like there's this gap between us. Not allowing yourself to be free and just let down your walls is not healthy."
She moisturised her bottom lip with her tongue.
"There's nothing wrong with letting people in. Letting s-someone in at least."
She studied Sasuke's face. He was watching her intently, nearly unblinkingly. He quirked an eyebrow.
"And you're that someone ?"
Was she? Sasuke had a way of casting her into a spiral of self-doubt with the simplest of questions. She stroked the sides of her arms with palms that felt too moist.
"I... I could be."
Laughter blared out of Sasuke. The vibrations of his laughter pierced her like a shower of sebon.
"You're adorable, Hyuga."
He laughed some more before growing sober.
"I don't need friends."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't care."
"But-"
"I don't care."
"You wouldn't come to see me nearly every evening if you were perfectly fine on your own, Sasuke."
She would have missed his barely perceptible flinch had she not been watching him so attentively. Sasuke's reaction inflated her spirit - she was gaining ground. His eyes were not as combative as before. An eon of silence passed.
"I'm already breaking my own rules as it is with you, Hyuga."
Her lips parted on their own accord.
"So don't be greedy."
Sasuke placed his hand on the side of his neck and stretched his neck from side to side.
"I cannot afford to get overly attached to people and get distracted. Losing sight of what I have to accomplish is what I will not do."
Her fighting spirit was fading. Convincing Sasuke otherwise when Itachi and vengeance were involved was akin to moving an immovable boulder. Perhaps convincing Sasuke to free himself was merely a pipedream.
Sasuke sewed his lips into a smile. The sadness he permitted her to see chilled her down to her very bones.
"Besides," said Sasuke, "My life has simply been a cycle of eventually watching everyone who matters leave."
He turned his face to the side but it was too late. She had seen the glistening in his eyes.
"I won't let myself... Not anymore."
A lump settled in her throat. A sore materialised on her heart. The air soured.
"What if we tried breaking that cycle ?"
A myriad of emotions bled into Sasuke's expression. His adam's apple shifted up and down rapidly. His eyes found hers waiting.
"Most of those who've left me had no say in whether they left or stayed. What guarantee can you offer me that you won't leave ?"
She could provide no answer.
"Thought so."
He turned his back on her.
"Go home, it's late."
"Do you ever feel trapped in Konoha ?" Hinata prodded tentatively.
Sasuke analysed the wooden board between them, eyes darting from piece to piece. His pronounced frown was a testament to his vexation at being at her mercy.
She had still been panting from training when Sasuke had challenged her to a game of shogi. The fountain of confidence Sasuke had initially possessed had run dry.
"Don't you sometimes wish you could leave? For perhaps an entire year or two and just..."
The thought came to her whenever the days were too evil to her. When her troubles at home felt like too heavy a burden and she grew enthralled with the idea of leaving it all behind.
"You're fantasising about defecting, Hyuga ?"
She shook her head vehemently before shifting a piece forward with her index finger. Sasuke scrutinised her move. She suppressed a smile to preserve his ego.
"What if it's just a long-term mission or something of that nature ?"
The breeze lightly stroked her back. Feeling apprehensive about Sasuke seeing her in revealing fishnet tops was a thing of the past. Sasuke moved a piece and smirked. She nodded repeatedly.
"Impressive."
Her opponent pulled up his sleeve and stared at the black markings on his forearm contemptuously. The markings drew her attention like a spectacle of fireworks at a festival. Sasuke's eyes had petrified like soft clay in an oven.
"I'll lose consciousness and wake up in an Anbu cell if I so much as go beyond any of the village's gateposts."
He spared the seals a final bitter glance before covering them.
"Jiraya seemed quite pleased with his handiwork. As it stands, there's no way the last Uchiha Konoha has in its possession will fall into Orochimaru's clutches."
He met her gaze for the first time since revealing the seals to her. His eyes were sizzling with the heat of desert sand at noontime. A current of electricity bolted down her spine.
"So what do you think, Hyuga? Do you think there's a moment that passes where I don't feel trapped ?"
She moved her gaze to the board. Any words she could have said to him died in her mouth.
"Your move, Hyuga."
She cleared her throat and truly looked at the board.
"I guess that makes two of us as far as feeling trapped is concerned. Although, I don't constantly feel that way. The feeling comes and goes."
It would be nice to get away. Get away from her clan. From Hanabi's situation. From the war talk which had Konoha in a vice grip. She refrained from voicing her reasons but something in Sasuke's expression told her that he understood why she felt that way. Perhaps it was because she had told him some of her troubles.
"I'll have these seals removed in a couple of months."
His lips curved.
"We'll run away together once I'm free."
Her mouth fell agape.
"Besides, those damned civilians might just jinx us all with all that war talk that's happening. Leaving before the show starts wouldn't hurt."
The humour on his countenance told her he thought the idea of war to be ludicrous.
"You would run away with me? I didn't know you felt that way about me, Sasuke."
Sasuke reacted as though he had swallowed the most bitter of concoctions.
"I don't. Don't put words in my mouth."
His response did not extinguish her smile.
"Let's run away together," she cheekily quoted while curling her forefingers and middle fingers in the air to form inverted commas.
Sasuke closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered indiscernible things while shaking his head. He slipped out a sigh and looked at her. Her smile broadened.
"You're tolerable. Just tolerable. Taking you with me would just be an act of charity because you don't have the guts
to leave on your own. That's all there is to it."
He pointed his fingers at her chest and stared at her as if he was about to impart some fundamental truth to her.
"You. And. I. Are. Not. Buddies."
She rolled her eyes for the third time that evening.
"Have it your way, Uchiha-kun. Remain in denial."
She noticed an opening and felt a smile blossoming on her lips as giddiness bubbled to life in her breast. She moved a piece.
"I win."
Sasuke's eyebrows dipped in displeasure. He scowled at her.
"Stop looking so smug about it. It's only one match."
She tipped her head to one side.
"Maybe you would have won if you had not invested so much energy in denial ?"
Sasuke's face contorted even further. She had discovered a sweet pleasure - occasionally being an insufferable thorn in Sasuke's side.
"I liked you better when you couldn't even say a single sentence without stuttering. You weren't so smart-mouthed back then."
She held up her hand.
"I'll stop you right there. You approached me of your own volition, talked me up and me grow comfortable with you. I..."
The banter stuck in her throat, compelling her to silence. All at once, she could no longer face the boy opposite her. She shifted her eyes to the board and marinated in embarrassment.
"I made my bed so I should lie in it ?" said Sasuke.
She could only nod. There was a new smugness in his demeanour, an aura of drastic self-satisfaction. The admission she had embarrassingly blurted out was the culprit behind his swollen ego.
"If my irresistible charm disarmed you to that extent then I'll gladly lie in my bed then."
His smirk provoked her.
"I can do without the chest-thumping. I didn't mention that to stroke your ego."
Sasuke grinned.
"Oh? I don't recall compelling you to say anything. Why are you so mad that I'm merely reacting to something you said of your own volition, buddy ?"
Referring to her as 'buddy' was the proverbial cherry on the patronising retort. She clutched her arms to her chest.
"I'm currently finding your company bothersome, buddy," she replied.
"How quickly the tables have turned, little mouse."
"For the third time, don't call me that."
The Uchiha chuckled softly. He might as well have been cackling with the hysteria of a hyena in her eyes.
"What if I refuse? Then what ?" challenged Sasuke.
"I-"
The heavens groaned. They simultaneously lifted their heads to the sky as the wind howled. A flash of thunder pierced the dark pregnant clouds in the west. A booming thunderclap followed.
"Looks like a storm is coming," said Sasuke.
"A pretty serious one."
The three lampposts at the training ground flickered off. Pitch darkness fell over them. There was nary a night light from the overcast skies to illuminate the area. It was an odd occurrence for all three lightbulbs to expire simultaneously. An impulse she could not account for gripped her. She listened to it and activated her Byakugan.
She found her feet as she surveyed Konoha. Dread poured into her blood. She did not understand why the sight before her made her so afraid. Perhaps it was because she had never seen Konoha in such a state in all her years.
"What is it ?" Sasuke's voice spoke over the disconcerted, speculating voice rambling in her mind.
"It's all dark. There's no electricity for as far as my eyes can see. An entire sector is dark."
She waited for Sasuke's reassurance. She waited for him to tell her it was probably nothing. The furrow in his brow and the anxiousness in his eyes told her that reassurance would never come. Some day, years later, they would reflect on how that moment was the first of the dying moments of the life they knew.
Just a little something to tide you over until I resume Under The Yoshino Tree. I Hope you enjoyed. Check out Under The Yoshino Tree if you have not already read it. Feel free to leave a like, review or a favourite. Take care and thank you for reading.
The Burning Colosseum will return.
{The Immortal Sage}