CHAPTER 2

RISING CONCERNS

The following day, Gohin and Legoshi were sitting, legs crossed in the middle of a room, with a plate between them. Legoshi had a blindfold on, Gohin had a fresh cigarette lit, then took it out of his mouth.
As a carnivore, the taste and smell of blood and meat are very strong and hard to resist. he said. Meditation helps you put your mind at ease. I need you to think not about the meat or how it smells and tastes, but imagine your lover. he said, then cut open a package of steaks and emptied them onto the plate. Legoshi could feel his urges swell up inside him. He couldn't see the raw meat, but he needed it. He jumped up quickly, only to feel the end of a bamboo stick push him back.
RESIST. Gohin demanded.
Legoshi growled.
You are not here for yourself! Gohin demanded. RESIST!
Suddenly, those words seem to have snapped him out of it.
Think about your lover. said Gohin.
Legoshi thought about two nights ago. He was rushing on the highway in the Lamborghini, using one hand to keep a compress on Louis's shoulder. The bad thoughts caused him to collapse to his knees. He then sobbed as he looked down.

Meanwhile, at a psychiatrist's office, a female gazelle was in a chair, with a notepad. Louis was in front of her in another chair, arm in a sling.
You're very quiet, Mr. Graywolf. said the gazelle.
I've never done this before. said Louis.
Why don't you start from the beginning asked the gazelle.
The beginning. Louis said and chuckled. My parents were killed when I was three years old, I wound up in the black market, suffering. Some rich prick pays for me, for me to become their asset. The moment I step out of line with his ideals, I am abandoned. Doesn't matter where I go, as long as it's not there.
The room went quiet.
You wrote down that you are homosexual on your application. said the gazelle. Have you struggled with that Is that why you were abandoned No... said Louis. I was closeted up until the last year of high school. And it wasn't because I was ashamed of who I was or afraid of what those closest to me were going to say, because face it, I didn't have very much of those. It's just. I never thought of my sexuality as a big deal. Yes. I'm gay. So what That's not all I have to contribute to life. If there is something you can do to make a difference, that's so much more important than who you are. So to answer your question, no. In fact, it was a different reason I was let go of. My... foster father... Hates carnivores... And I fell in love with one.
I see. said the gazelle.
There's not really a whole lot between then and now that has happened, so... There's an important reason I'm here. said Louis.
And that is asked the gazelle.
I'm worried about my husband. said Louis and took a moment before he spoke. A couple nights ago, I got careless. I didn't ask if he could handle it and I didn't tell him my bones were weak. You see... We were having sex and... I asked him to bite me on the shoulder. His carnivorous urges... They're still prevalent and he bit down too hard. It's... why I have this...
You do realize we're obligated to report this, right asked the gazelle.
He doesn't deserve to be locked up. said Louis. None of this would've happened if I hadn't asked for it. If anyone should be punished, it should be me.
Mr. Graywolf, we have to report if it is an unsafe–
IT'S NOT. Louis demanded. And I do feel safe, thank you very much. But I'm warning you. If we don't just go back to what we were talking about, and my husband gets removed from our home, it won't be ME in danger from HIM. It will be YOU in danger from ME. And I CAN find you.
The gazelle felt stress in herself build up.
Continue on. Please. she said.
Well... He told me he will never hurt me again and he was out several hours yesterday. said Louis. He went out today. I don't know if he just wants to be away from me because he doesn't want to hurt me or what...
The gazelle let our a deep breath and spoke.
Perhaps he is studying a way to get a better grip on his urges. said the gazelle.
Knowing him, that's probably so. said Louis.

In the evening, Louis and Legoshi are having dinner, silently.
Please say something. said Louis.
That night still haunts me. said Legoshi. I know it was two days ago...
Legoshi, we've been over this. said Louis. It's not your fault.
What if that was your neck asked Legoshi. I would've KILLED you, Louis! Was I just supposed to tell the law it wasn't my fault!
I don't know, but you don't gotta be a dick. said Louis.
Legoshi sighs and looks down.
I'm sorry. he said. I just... I'm training. I don't want to hurt you again. Whether it's my fault or yours, I... I'd probably hang myself if I ever hurt you again.
Well if you ever did, expect me to follow you close behind. said Louis. I can't live without you.
Legoshi sighs.
Things are going to get better. he said. I promise.
I hope so. said Louis.
Legoshi gets up and walks to him, then kneels.
You know I love you, right he asked.
Yeah, I know. said Louis and grabbed his hand. It's just a little bit tense right now. I love you too. he said and smiled.

One week later.
At Gohin's place, he pushes back a blindfolded and growling Legoshi.
DAMMIT, LEGOSHI! shouted Gohin. RESIST!
Legoshi stopped growling and sat down.
How the hell do you expect me to fix you if you can't try! shouted Gohin.
I AM trying. said Legoshi.
Not hard enough! shouted Gohin.
Well the hell do YOU know about be a carnivore, anyway! shouted Legoshi.
The room went quiet.
Do you even WANT to help me asked Legoshi.
Gohin sighed.
I have a story for you. he said and sat down, then grabbed the plate of steaks and sat it on a table. Take your blindfold off and have a look around the room.
Legoshi took his blindfold off and looked around the room.
You're not the first carnivore to be in this room. said Gohin. And I'd be lying if I said this whole routine is new to me. he said and took a moment. Six years ago, there was a wolf that asked me to help him with the very thing you're struggling with. His wife was an herbivore. About two weeks in, he had made some progress, but very very slow progress. The following week was different. He didn't come in. He had scheduled himself to be back just one day after I had last seen him. The news said he ate his wife and blew his own head off with a revolver. So no, I may not know what it's being a carnivore, but very clearly, it isn't something that's easy to rid yourself of. THAT is why I push you. Because you want to be better. That alone tells me that you CAN be better. But I WILL NOT and CANNOT be an easy ride. You can't just eat a bag of chips and say you're free.
Legoshi looked down.
My apologies, sensei. said Legoshi.
Get back up and let's try this again. said Gohin.
So, Legoshi put his blindfold back on and stood up...