Chapter 26: Standoff
Yates had thought about what Price had said, and had ultimately decided that Price could fuck off. In all honesty, she couldn't give less of a shit if Price and Shepard thought she was being selfish or reckless or whatever, she was going to do what was right. She was going to help the Reds and Blues.
Because goddammit, they were people too! To hell with what Shepard had said, Yates couldn't fathom how he and Price could be so heartless as to watch these people get hurt and maybe even die when they could prevent it. Sure, they were a bit annoying at times and they weren't the brightest, but even though they were idiots, they were her idiots.
And there wasn't a single thing on this Earth that was gonna stop her from helping them.
As Yates approached Red Base, she caught sight of her team. Sarge seemed to be loudly listing off as many synonyms to the word "traitor" as he could think of, Simmons was panicking for whatever reason, Doc was just standing there looking extremely confused, and Grif was lying on the ground, groaning in pain while holding his head.
Yates sighed. Okay, I'll stop them from getting hurt as of now.
"SNAKES! DEBAUCHERERS! Uh... BENEDICT ARNOLD- oh, Yates! Yer back! We were lookin' all over for you!" Sarge exclaimed.
Somehow Yates doubted that, considering what they were just doing. "Oh, I was just on the cliffs, sir."
"Ah, of course! Already performing recon on the Blues no doubt! Fine job, Yates! It seems you had the same suspicions as I did," Sarge said.
"Suspicions?" Grif asked as he stood up, "The medic literally just told us what was going on."
Sarge slowly turned toward Grif, looking ready to deliver another shotgun haymaker to Grif's head, so Yates quickly changed the subject. "U-uh, of course I had the same suspicions! But, uh… how about you run it by the rest of the team real quick?"
"Hm, good idea! Not everyone can be as sharp as you and I, Yates! All right men, gather 'round for debriefing!" Sarge ordered.
"Ooh~! Did somebody say debrief?" Donut asked excitedly as he exited the base.
"Not now, Donut! Now, as you all know, those villainous, traitorous, evil Blues have reneged on our agreement!" Sarge proclaimed.
"For the last time! No, they haven-" Grif's objection was cut off by Yates putting her hand over the bottom part of Grif's helmet, which, to her surprise, actually muffled his voice.
"Now, some might say it's a certain yellow-armored dirtbag's fault for thinking that the Blues could be trusted to commit to an agreement, but we aren't here to point fingers," Sarge said, physically pointing his finger at Grif all the while.
Grif uttered what sounded like several protests and expletives from beneath his helmet, which was still being muffled by Yates' hand.
"But regardless of whose (Grif's) fault it is," Sarge continued, "This ends today! Today, our/their not-anti-surrender comes to a close! Gear up, men! We attack at dawn!"
After some struggle, Grif finally managed to yank Yates' hand off his helmet and speak, "One. It was Simmons who suggested the surrender. Two. It still isn't dawn! And three. There is no reason for us to attack right now!" Grif yelled angrily.
The sudden rumble of an explosion coming down the canyon broke the Red's attention, causing them all to look towards the source of the noise.
"What was that?!" Doc asked.
"Looks like there are two Blues coming toward our base!" Simmons said, looking in the direction of Blue Base through the scope of a sniper rifle.
"Oh god dammit!" Grif yelled exasperatedly.
"Those sneaky Blue devils… Simmons, get in the Warthog! I'll drive!" Sarge ordered.
"Permission to call shotgun, sir?" Yates asked quickly. If she remembered correctly, this would end with Simmons and Sarge getting caught in an explosion when Lopez activated the self-destruct on the Warthog, and she was not going to let that happen.
Sarge chuckled, "Desperate for some action, eh Yates?"
"Uh… yeah, something like that," Yates lied.
"All righty then! Saddle up, Yates! The more the merrier!" Sarge yelled excitedly as he climbed into the driver's seat of the Warthog.
"Y-Yes, sir!" Yates replied, all while desperately trying to think of ways to avoid getting them all caught in the incoming blast.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all, she thought.
/
"So, wait, where are you going again?" Shepard asked.
The black Figure turned from his suitcase, which he had been packing fervently, to answer Shepard. "Why, an inter-dimensional meeting, of course! These are very important events, usually hosted once every hundred years."
"Hosted? By who?"
"Why my superiors, of course! Anyway, that's why I called you here, you won't be seeing me again for a few months," the Figure explained.
"Wait? Months? They take that long?!" Shepard asked incredulously.
"Well… to our perception, they usually go by pretty quickly, the benefit of an immortal lifespan and all," the Figure said easily, hand-waving Shepard's concerns away. "But… I recall that you humans are not quite as gifted."
Shepard growled.
"Uh… but do not fret!" The Figure fidgeted nervously. "This could not have happened at a more convenient time! The Reds and Blues will not have any substantial interaction for the next three months anyway! Thus, you have nothing to worry about!" the Figure said not-so-assuredly.
"That wasn't my main concern," Shepard responded through clenched teeth. "You're the only one who actually has a shot at getting me back to my world, and now you tell me you're leaving? You know, you're right, this is pretty convenient timing, isn't it?" Shepard said suspiciously. "You'd better not be using this as an excuse to take a vacation in inter-dimensional Vegas or whatever."
The Figure gasped. "Why, I never!" it said indignantly.
Shepard sighed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed…"
"I much prefer inter-dimensional Los Angeles!" the Figure exclaimed without a hint of sarcasm.
"I retract my apology," Shepard said simply. "You know what? Whatever. I don't care where you go, but could you at least answer a few of my questions before you leave?"
"Hm…" the Figure rubbed its "chin", if you could even call it that. "If it would satisfy you, then yes. Also, I don't know when I can get you back."
"When can you get me ba- fuck!" Shepard let out a heavy sigh, "Fine… then uh, what's your name? I just realized I never asked before."
"My name? Hm, that's a tough one… well, for the sake of our future interactions, you can just call me Pete," Pete said.
"Pete? That's it? That's… kind of anticlimactic," Shepard said.
"Like I said, that name is just for the sake of conversation, my actual name would take ten human hours to speak in full," Pete stated in an almost proud voice.
"Okay, why the hell does everything take such a long time with you? And another thing, why are you always black and smoky?" Shepard asked.
The Figure seemed to panic all of a sudden. "U-uh, m-my form? Ha, d-d-don't be ridiculous, of course this is my true form!" the Figure stuttered.
"Uh… I didn't ask if that was your 'true form', I asked why you were all black and smoky," Shepard pointed out.
"W-well… um… oh, look at the time! It's time for the meeting to start! And that means it's time for you to go! Goodbye Shepard! See you in a few months! T.T.Y.L and such," the Figure spoke quickly as the void around them faded away faster than it ever had before.
"Hey, wai-!" was all Shepard managed to say before he was thrown back into reality.
/
Shepard shook the irrelevant memory away. Strange… why does this keep happening? He thought to himself.
Still, it has been a while since I've seen the Figure… oh wait, it's Pete now isn't it?
Just what is Pete? Why did he freak out at having his 'true form' revealed? Is he really here to help me? On that note, why didn't he mention Price or that Freelancer she mentioned if he was the one that brought us all here to begin with?
Shepard's train of thought was interrupted when he heard an explosion come from the canyon, immediately reminding him that he was supposed to be chasing down Lopez, not thinking about old memories.
"Hold it right there, hombre!" Tucker yelled as the three of them approached Lopez, guns raised.
Shepard winced at Tucker's words, "Jesus dude, really? I'm standing right here."
"Oh, go complain to Command's HR department," Tucker retorted.
"Command has an HR department?" Shepard asked, surprised. "What's the number? 'Cus I have like… a thousand complaints ready for them."
Tucker shook his head, "Don't bother, I've called asking them to get rid of some 'problematic employees' for years now, but they never listen."
"Al diablo con estos mamones azules. Son tan estúpidos como parecen," Lopez said.
Shepard noticed that Caboose seemed to fidget in place following Lopez's comment, before slowly turning towards Shepard.
"U-um Shepard?" Caboose asked timidly.
Shepard raised an eyebrow at Caboose's odd behavior but nonetheless responded, "Yes Caboose?"
"Uh… you speak, y'know, Spanish right?" Caboose asked.
"Um… yeah?" Shepard replied, somewhat apprehensively.
"Oh… okay, that's good. Then, um, could you please tell Lopez here… to surrender at once and bow before me like the worm he is?!" Caboose suddenly yelled in a deep, menacing voice.
"Woah, Jesus!" Tucker yelled in surprise.
"Que carajo!?" Lopez exclaimed, apparently even he was surprised by Caboose's sudden change in attitude.
"U-uh… Caboose?" Shepard asked, slowly backing away from what he knew was O'Malley with his hands raised, "Calm down bud-"
"Oh sorry, what I meant to say was, could you ask him to come back to the base and fix Sheila, pretty please with sugar on top?" Caboose asked, seemingly back to his normal self.
"Uh… actually Caboose, I think Lopez can understand English just as well as he can understand Spanish," Shepard explained. "It's just that we can't understand him."
"Wait, what? How do you know that?" Tucker asked.
"Oh uh, y'know… you just pick up on that stuff, I guess?"
Shit. I shouldn't have said that. Shepard thought.
Thankfully, the conversation was cut short by Caboose, who noticed something in the distance.
"Um… Tucker, Shepard? I think that maybe we should begin the going of the running now!" Caboose exclaimed fearfully.
"What?" Tucker said before turning to where Caboose was looking. "Oh crap!" he yelled.
While everyone else panicked, Shepard could only sigh in disappointment at what he saw, "Goddammit Yates…" he muttered.
/
Okay. I've thought of something. The plan is: wing it and hope for the best. Yates thought to herself as the trio of her, Sarge and Simmons, sped towards the Blues in the Chupathingy.
Yates closed her eyes and breathed in as they accelerated ever closer to their target. Welp. Here goes nothing.
Suddenly, Yates turned around in her seat toward the back of the Warthog, where Simmons was manning the turret, and grabbed his ankle, shaking it a little bit to make sure he noticed.
"Aim for that guy right in the mid- Ah! What are you doing?!" Simmons yelled in fear as he noticed Yates, a girl, touching him. Simmons promptly leaped off the turret and onto the ground below, just as Yates had hoped.
"Simmons?!" Sarge asked. "What are you-?!"
"Sorry, sir," Yates quickly apologized before turning and kicking Sarge out of the driver's seat, then diving out of the Warthog herself.
The Warthog, now unmanned, continued to charge towards the Blues, but exploded just before it could hit them.
"What the hell was that?!" Simmons exclaimed, picking himself up off the ground.
"Those cunning Blue bastards…" Sarge muttered as he stood up. "Clearly they must've planted a bomb on the Warthog at some point while we weren't looking! Most likely while Grif was snacking, no doubt!"
"Wh-what? Sir, that doesn't make any sense! Why would the Blues…" Simmons was suddenly cut off by Sarge letting out a battle cry and charging at the Blues, who were still frozen in awe at what had just happened.
"Hey w-wait! Sir, what are you doing?!" Yates yelled.
"What am I doing?! I'm getting my revenge on those damn dirty Blues is what I'm doing! Now quit talkin' and get to runnin'!" Sarge yelled back while continuing to charge towards the Blues.
"Sir! Wait! We should… god damn it!" Yates angrily exclaimed before running after Sarge.
"Yates?!" Simmons yelled out in surprise.
Simmons hesitated for a while, briefly weighing the pros and cons of running into certain death with his crazed sergeant and mysterious teammate, before deciding to book it towards the Blues.
He was going to have a lot of questions for Yates back at the base, that was for damn sure.
/
"Woah! What the hell was that?" Tucker asked as the dust from the explosion settled.
"A very stupid plan," Shepard replied bitterly.
"Huh? What are you talking abou- oh shit, company!" Tucker shouted, quickly raising his rifle towards something.
"What? Company?" Shepard turned around, and immediately his heart sank, because sprinting over the hill like a charging bull, with his signature shotgun raised at the ready, was none other than…
"Freeze, you dirty Blues!" Sarge shouted as he finally reached the Blues.
Shepard groaned. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
"Nuh-uh! You freeze, gramps!" Tucker retorted, "You're the one who's outnumbered here!"
"¡Padre, finalmente has venido a rescatarme!" Lopez exclaimed happily upon seeing Sarge.
"Shaddap, you Blue devil!" Sarge shouted at Lopez.
Huh? How the hell doesn't he recognize him? Shepard thought.
Sarge chuckled, "And apparently they don't teach you Blue bastards how to count in the academy, I'm not the one outnumbered here you dern whippersnapper! I've got my two most loyal soldiers at my side!"
"Sarge, what in the fuck are you doing?!" Yates yelled angrily as she ran up to the group.
For a while, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop, no one said a word or moved a muscle until…
"What?! The Reds have two girls on their team?! That's so fucking unfair!" Tucker complained loudly.
"Two girls? What the hell are you talking about, Blue?" Simmons asked as he ran up to the group, gun trained on Tucker.
"Would all of you just shaddap?!" Sarge shouted, "And Yates, what's the matter with you? Recklessly charging the enemy's front lines is every soldier's dream!"
"Look sir, I just think we should um… not let Grif and Donut miss out on the action, you know?" Yates reasoned, struggling to come up with something that would dissuade Sarge from attacking the Blues and starting a (potentially) lethal firefight.
Sarge scoffed. "Those two pansies? What the hell do we need their help for?"
"I-I uh, I agree with that girl I've never met!" Shepard said, butting into the conversation, "Look, there's no reason for us to fight… again today."
"There's not?" Tucker asked.
"No, there isn't! So why don't we all just-" Shepard began.
"Shaddap, Blue! First you break the terms of the surrender, then you blow up our Chupathingy and now you say there's 'no reason to fight'? Your treachery makes me sick!" Sarge spat.
"Huh? We… broke the surrender? What are you talking about?" Shepard asked.
"Don't play stupid with me, Blue! You already know!" Sarge said accusingly.
"I really don't though!" Shepard replied.
"Sarge, what are we waiting for? Why don't we just… higakergerk!" Simmons suddenly convulsed in the middle of his sentence.
"Simmons? What's gotten into you?" Sarge asked.
"Simmons" took a second to clear his throat before saying "Uh… nothing. A-anyway Red, I mean sir, I think we should uh… ya know… just go back to base and stuff."
"What's gotten into the two of you? Soldiers should fight, kill and die! Unless…" Sarge went silent as he began to think, before gasping. "You dirty… Blue bastards! I know what you did!"
"Aw shit…" Shepard said.
"I knew somethin' was fishy about that medic! Clearly you cunning Blue devils sent him to infect my soldiers with his…" Sarge gagged in disgust, "Pacifist ways!"
"No no no, that's not-" Shepard said, trying his best to reason with the fiery Red sergeant in front of him.
"Shaddap! I've seen through all of your schemes! Everything else can be forgiven, except for this! It seems you had one hole in your plan… me!" Sarge laughed triumphantly, "That's right! I immunized myself to your Blue mind control ages ago!"
As Sarge went on his tangent, "Simmons" discreetly began to shift the barrel of his gun towards Sarge.
Yates meanwhile, continued to try to calm the situation, "Sir… please, none of us is being mind controlled! We just want to… uh… live to fight another day! That's it!"
Sarge chuckled darkly, "Oh Yates, just this once, yer wrong… because TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!" Sarge shouted.
"Mierda!" Lopez exclaimed.
"Get down!" Tucker shouted.
"Wait!" Shepard yelled.
Yates squeezed her eyes shut, it was over, the Reds and Blues were going to kill each other just like Price had said. And it would all be Yates' fault, why hadn't she listened? Why hadn't-
Click. Click. Click. Click.
"Uh…" Tucker began.
"What the fuck? Why doesn't this gun have any ammo?" "Simmons" asked.
Yates opened her eyes, everyone was still just standing there, and still very much alive.
What happened? Yates wondered briefly, before quickly realizing something. Oh… wait.
"Hey sir?"
"Yes Private Yates?"
"We didn't reload after the last battle did we?" Yates asked.
"Huh… that's right… because that lousy Grif forgot the ammo…" Sarge slowly realized.
For a while, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop, no one said a word or moved a muscle until…
"We'll just bludgeon 'em to death then!" Sarge yelled.
"What?!" Yates exclaimed incredulously.
"All right, fuck this," Shepard said flatly as he took out his rifle and shot at the ground around Sarge's feet.
"Hey! Stop that you…" Sarge said as he struggled to dodge the bullets being fired at him, before finally turning and running away, "This ain't over ya damn dirty Bluuuuuues!" Sarge yelled over his shoulder as he retreated.
"Yeah! Suck it Red!" "Simmons" yelled triumphantly.
"Church!" Shepard hissed.
"What? Oh, right! Higakergerk!"
Simmons stumbled a bit as Church unpossessed his body, "Wha… what happened? Where am I?" Simmons slurred.
"I'll explain later!" Yates exclaimed as she grabbed Simmons' arm and yanked him away.
And so the Reds ran, leaving the Blues the victors of this little skirmish, but could it really be considered a skirmish if the only bullets that had been fired were intentionally designed to miss?
The Blues stood in silence for a moment, still contemplating the strange situation that had just occurred before Tucker remembered something, "Hey, where's Caboose?"
"I'm right here!" Caboose said, suddenly appearing right next to Tucker, causing him to shout in surprise.
"What the?! Where- I mean how-" Tucker stuttered.
"Mi espíritu está quebrado. Mi gente me ha abandonado y ahora todo está perdido. Haga conmigo lo que queráis…" Lopez said, despondently looking down at the ground all the while, Shepard couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for him.
Tucker sighed, "I'm so fucking done with today…."
"You and me both," Shepard said, glaring daggers at Yates as she ran away with Simmons in tow.
/
Price sighed as she set the sniper rifle down on the cliff's edge.
"Looks like you wouldn't listen to me afterall, Yates." Price turned and began to make her way across the cliffs, towards the Red Base.
"Guess I'll have to take care of you myself…"