Meredith felt her whole body shake awake, her heart was beating out of her chest. She looked over at the clock, realizing that her alarm was going to go off soon. She hated her nightmares, they had gotten a lot better in the years but she still suffered from them. Most of them being the same over and over again. She was trapped in a hotel room, she would scream for help but no one would ever come. She hated it, she still had no idea what even caused the dream. She decided to go ahead and get ready for work, leaving early. She felt off, that was for sure. That something didn't feel right at all.
Her drive to the hospital was pretty uneventful and quite, normally she would ride with Cristina but she had taken a night shift. The locker room was empty, she decided to get a head start and go straight to the ER. There she found Cristina, slumped over behind the nurses station.
"You're here early," Cristina said with a yawn.
"Yeah, wanted to take your advice and get the best cases," Meredith said as she looked through the small stack of charts.
"Slow night, literally nothing but some sick people. Hopefully it will pick up," Cristina said as she pulled herself from the chair.
"You working tonight too?" Meredith asked.
"No, back on days tomorrow. Going to go home and take a nap. Maybe run some errands," Cristina said, stretching her arms and back.
"Alright, hey we need some tampons," Meredith said to her.
"If I go out I'll pick some up," Cristina said before leaving. Meredith sighed and looked around at the dead ER. She grabbed a chart and started looking through. A few labs needed done so she decided to start those to keep herself busy. She still couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something. She slowly made her way to the lab, just as she heard her pager begin blaring. She immediately turned around and hurried to the ambulance bay.
"You're early," Bailey said to her as she was already waiting.
"Wanted to get a head start. Know anything yet?" Meredith asked.
"Semi vs a car, two patients in transport," Bailey said as she gloved up. Just then, an ambulance pulled into the bay.
"What do we got?" Bailey called out as she rushed the doors of the ambulance.
"19 year old female. Driver of the car, appears to be pregnant. Multiple head lacerations, right pupil is dilated, blood pressure is through the roof," the paramedic said as he rolled her down to the ground. Meredith suddenly come to a complete stop. She felt her whole heart shatter, hearing those words.
"What's happening to me?" Meredith started asking quickly. She was glad she decided to travel to England, where most people know and speak English. If she was going to decide what to do with this baby, she would have liked to know. Suddenly at one of her OB appointments, she was rushed to the hospital.
"Your blood pressure is 189/108. That is dangerously high. We have to deliver this baby right now," he said to her.
"What? No this can't be happening. She's only at 26 weeks. Do you know the survival rate in that?" She screamed, clinching her stomach.
"This is happening and we will do everything we can to save your baby," he said to her as he quickly started to move. Everything happened so fast, she doesn't remember much. It happened in a blur, one moment she was laying on the operating table and the next she was in a hospital room, alone. She had never felt so alone in her entire life. Like the whole world was weighing on her. She wanted so badly to call someone, Derek or Cristina. But she knew she had to do this alone. She finally was awake enough to hit the call button. A nurse showed up almost immediately.
"Hi Ms. Grey. I'm your nurse, Elizabeth. I'm glad to see you awake," she said happily. She was way too happy and shiny, definitely could tell she worked in labour and delivery.
"My baby? Is she alive?" Meredith had managed to croak.
"She's a fighter. She's in the NICU now, once you are able to get up and move around you can go see her. She was just over 0.58 kg. She's on a ventilator since her lungs are developed well," she informed her. Meredith immediately burst into tears. She was a mother, to a baby girl. Her heart was so heavy, she just wanted to hold her.
"Please, I need to see her," Meredith pleaded with the nurse. She sighed, looking sadly at her.
"I'll see what I can do," the nurse smiled at her weakly before leaving. Meredith had felt like she had been hit by a bus. Her whole body ached, she felt her incision every tiny move she made. The nurse had came back with a wheelchair.
"I'm not suppose to do this but I know how hard it can be. We can't stay long but I know you want to meet her," the nurse smiled at her. She helped Meredith get up, the pain was the worst she had ever felt in her whole life. It was like she had been stabbed a hundred times but she was determined to see the baby.
The nurse slowly wheeled her into the NICU, helping her get a gown and washed up. As they turned the corner, there was a tiny baby sitting in an incubator. She had tubes and wires running all through her very tiny body. She was no bigger than Meredith's hand but she was alive. Meredith felt tears running down her cheeks as she got closer. She looked like Derek, her little peach fuzz on the top of her head was dark and she could tell her eyes were blue, just like his.
"Can I touch her?" Meredith croaked, getting choked up on her words. The nurse nodded and Meredith carefully put her hand into the little slot, placing her finger into the baby's hand. Her tiny fingers didn't even reach around her finger.
"Have you thought of a name?" The nurse asked nicely. Meredith took a deep breath, her eyes watering as she remembered the talks that she and Derek had of future baby names. She remembered falling in love with one.
"Olivia Grace," Meredith said with a smile across her face. Derek had said he liked Olivia, it was his favorite niece's name. Meredith said she liked Grace, it was simple and to the point. She figured if he wasn't apart of her life, he could at least name her.
"That's a lovely name," the nurse smiled at her.
"Alright, time to go mama. We are doing great here, so you need to rest so you can get stronger for her," Elizabeth said to her.
"I'll see you later," Meredith said as she held back tears, the little girl had already had her wrapped around her finger.
"Let's go Grey," Bailey said, quickly snapping Meredith out of her memory.
"I need the portable ultrasound to check for free fluid in the abdomen," Bailey said quickly as she was moving around Meredith.
"Grey, if you can handle it, get out," Bailey said again, a little harsher than the last.
"I'm here, all here. Her oxygen seems steady, I'm starting a central line now," Meredith said as she quickly got everything ready for one.
"No need for something so invasive. Try just a normal IV," Bailey snapped.
"Got it," Meredith said in an almost panic. She wasn't sure why today felt so wrong but it was like the world was trying to tell her something.
"Page OB and Shepherd," Bailey said to one of the nurses.
"She needs a head CT Dr. Bailey," Meredith said.
"I know Grey, I'd like to get her pressure stabilized before she strokes out on us," Bailey said quickly. The woman started flailing violently on the table.
"She's seizing, let's turn her," Bailey said as they quickly acted to turn her on her side.
"What do we got?" Derek said just as he entered.
"19 year old pregnant female, multiple lacerations to the head, neck, and chest. Deflated breath sounds on the right," Bailey started sputtering off to him as she slowly started to stop seizing as they pushed diazepam.
"Right pupil is blow, we need to get a head CT and stop the hemorrhaging. We need OB to meet us in the OR, this baby needs to come out now. It's too much stress," Derek said as Meredith worked to get her ready for transport.
"Got it, Dr. Hunt is going to meet us down there as well," Bailey replied.
"Alright, good. Let's move people," he said in a very demanding tone. The whirlwind of the events just happened as they quickly rushed her through the CT, not giving time to let the films come through before they were headed to the OR.
"Dr. Shepherd, can I scrub in?" Meredith asked as she followed him.
"Yeah but I don't need you with me. Stay with the baby, we don't know how far along she was so there's no telling how big the baby is," he said to her. She wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't feel comfortable about the case at all, it brought back too many bad memories that she had buried so deep inside her.
"I think I'd be more useful helping you," she objected.
"I'm not asking Grey. You can either get on with the baby or you can get out and go run labs or something," he said sternly, looking over at her before rushing into the room. She stood for a second, dumbfounded by the way he spoke to her. She took a deep breath, the memories flashed in her eyes like she was back in that hospital 9 years ago. She felt every emotion like it was reeling through her now.
"I can do this," she breathed deeply, leaning down against the scrub sink. She glanced up as she watched them begin the surgery, she had a massive hemorrhage in her temporal lobe along with a punctured lung and pulmonary embolism. They had to deliver the baby before they could start anything, she started scrubbing as best as she could. She held back tears as the OB had her opened. She went in just in time to be gowned up as the OB had pulled the baby from the woman. The baby was tiny, probably as small as her own.
"Dr. Grey, I need your assistance," Dr. Robbins said as she was carrying the tiny infant into the incubator.
"What do you need Dr. Robbins?" Meredith said, quickly stepping to the plate.
"I'm going to show you how to intubate a premie. She looks about 27 weeks gestation. This is the smallest you will ever do. You have to be careful and not rip her airway," Robbins said as she carefully glided the tube into the tiny human. One nurse quickly attached the tube to the ventilator as cut the machine on.
"We need to take her up, you coming?" Robbins asked, looking over at her. Meredith looked over at Derek and he watched every move she made out of the corner of her eyes.
"Just show me the ropes," Meredith said hopeful as they rushed her immediately to the NICU.
"We are going to have to do bloodwork and start an IV, can you manage that Grey?" Arizona said as they worked immensely on the baby.
"Yes," Meredith said, grabbing the tiny IV needles, it was the smallest she'd ever seen. She had to push back the emotions and focus on saving this baby. She immediately got a vein in her forearm, pulling the little bit of blood they needed before starting the bag of antibiotics.
"I'm going to run these to the lab," Meredith said, she needed to get away.
"You did great, never seen an intern that could do that," Arizona praised.
"Thank you Dr. Robbins," Meredith smiled lightly at her.
"You're going to be a great doctor Grey," Arizona said with cheer in her voice. Meredith just smiled under the mask that she had kept on her face. She grabbed the tubes and quickly bolted to the lab. It was so hard for her, the feeling of sadness overwhelmed her. She felt like she couldn't breathe, her whole body felt this feeling of grief. She immediately found an empty room, closing herself in. She had to break, tears running down her cheeks. She never gave herself a chance to feel the feelings she had. Her pager started blaring loudly, checking it quickly. It was for the ER, she breathed a sigh of relief knowing it wasn't Arizona. She wiped the tears, breathing lighter as she found herself into the slammed emergency room.
"Grey, we are packed out here. Rooms 22 and 23 need consults," Bailey slammed two charts into her hands.
"Got it," Meredith said, reading the first chart. Her whole body froze as she read the name on the chart. She immediately hurried into room that the chart was in. A small girl was sitting on the table, a bag of ice over her hand.
"Do you know where Dr. Shepherd is? I tried calling him but it kept going to voicemail. I'm so sorry I was watching her and she was on the monkey bars one second and the next she was on the ground," the young girl sputtered, she had definitely been crying probably harder than the little girl.
"Just calm down. I will page him as soon as I access. Please don't worry. I'm Dr. Grey but you can call me Meredith," Meredith said lightly. She turned to the little girl on the table.
"Your the girl from the hall. I remember you, my uncle Mark said you and my daddy use to be friends," the girl said to Meredith.
"We have known each other for a little while, do you want to tell me what happened there Grace," Meredith said sweetly as she removed the ice from the little girls arm. She got a much better look at the little girl. She was definitely Derek's child, she had his crooked nose, his bright blue eyes and curly dark hair. She was absolutely beautiful.
"I was playing at the park with Ms. Sandy and then I couldn't reach the last bar. I almost had it!" She explained as Meredith took a closer look at her arm.
"Can you wiggle your fingers?" Meredith ask and she watched the little girl focus on trying to move her fingers.
"I think I broke it, it feels like it did when I broke my leg last year. Daddy says I'm too clumsy for my own good," she giggled a little. Meredith felt her heart skip a beat, her tiny giggle mirrored Derek's chuckles.
"Well I'm going to take you to get an X-ray and call your daddy to see how much longer he's got on that surgery, hang tight and keep the ice on it," Meredith smiled at her before walking out to the nurses station.
"You got both those consults done yet?" Bailey said as she approached her.
"I'm going to take room 22 to an x-ray," Meredith said.
"Let a nurse do that Grey, we need you here," Bailey raised her brow at Meredith, hoping she wouldn't try to undermine her.
"I can't do that. The patient is Dr. Shepherd's daughter. He would kill me if I left her," Meredith said before telling the nurse to page Dr. Shepherd.
"He knows the nurses are fully capable of transporting a patient," Bailey reminded her.
"You don't understand Bailey," Meredith said to her, shaking her head. Bailey pursed her lips to Meredith, looking at her.
"Fine. But as soon as you get back, you better be on that other consult," Bailey said before walking off again. Meredith quickly turned and went into the room.
"Sandy, you can go grab a coffee or something while we are gone," Meredith offered lightly to her.
"I can't leave her, Mr. Shepherd would fire me and this is helping me pay for college, please," she said with fear in her voice.
"Trust me, he will understand," Meredith assured her.
"Ok, I'll be right here waiting on her," she assured.
"You ready?" Meredith asked as she helped the little girl get off the bed and on to a wheelchair.
"I'm ok Ms. Sandy," Grace assured her. Meredith slowly wheeled her to the imaging lab.
"So do you play in any sports?" Meredith asked, trying to make her feel more comfortable.
"Soccer. My daddy wants me to play hockey like him but my mommy says it's too dangerous," she said.
"I think your mom is right, it is pretty rough," Meredith laughed.
"If your a surgeon like my daddy and his friend, how come I've never met you?" She asked with curiosity filling her words.
"Well I moved to Europe for a while and I just started working here a few weeks ago," she said to her, not sure what else to say.
"So your new? Like an intern?" She asked.
"Yeah, so your daddy is like my teacher," Meredith said as she helped her on to the bed.
"I bet he's really good. He has taught me everything like how to ride a bike, and how to braid my hair," she said as she started naming off all the things Derek had taught her. It just made her heart hurt worse, knowing that he could have taught their children that. She also knew that it wouldn't have worked, he was right. He was always right in that sense. They relationship would have never worked. Meredith stood behind the glass along with the X-ray tech as he started the process. Meredith watched as he put them in the machine.
"I'll let you know when they are ready," he said to her as he knew she was watching him closely.
"I can wait, I know it doesn't take that long," Meredith said. He huffed, rolling his eyes. The machine had sputtered out the imagines. She took them and placed the on the light board.
"Well, looks like you were right. You see that?" Meredith asked to her as she pointed out the bone that was split right in half.
"Ew, that's gross," she frowned.
"It's pretty cool, but now you have to wear a cast for a few months. We can set you up with a temporary one and you will get to pick your permanent one at your doctors office in a few days," Meredith said as she started wheeling her back to the room.
"Can it be pink?" She asked as her eyes lit up.
"I'm sure it can be," Meredith chuckled at the little girl.
"I like you Meredith," the girl smiled up at her.
"Well I like you too Grace," Meredith chuckled down at the little girl. She pushed her right into her room, Derek was waiting already on them.
"I thought you were in surgery?" Meredith asked to him.
"You paged 911, Gracie are you ok?" He asked as he picked her up with ease and put her on the exam table.
"Yes daddy, I didn't even cry once! Meredith said I broke my arm and I get a pink cast!" The girl smiled happily.
"I'm glad you're ok honey, you have to be more careful," he said to her.
"I know daddy," she said.
"Stay here with Ms. Sandy, I have to talk to Dr. Grey for a second," he said as he kissed her forehead and walked out, Meredith followed him.
"How's the woman from the crash?" Meredith asked, she hoped for good news.
"I was able to stop most of the bleeding. I had Nelson come and finish up. You should have called me or something," he said quietly under his breath in a scolding term.
"I don't even have your phone number and I paged you. She's doing amazing, like a pro," Meredith said as she looked through the window at her.
"She is pretty clumsy, she is a daredevil for sure. Thanks for taking care of her," Derek said with a small relief in him.
"Anytime. She's a great kid, she thinks you hung the moon," Meredith chuckled lightly.
"She's definitely got me wrapped around her finger," he said with a small chuckle, shaking his head.
"You are doing pretty great with her," Meredith nodded.
"Now to call the beast, thanks again," he said as he pulled out his cell phone and stepping away. She was a little curious about where her mom was, she knew it was most likely the woman she had seen with him all those years ago but she never would imagine that she would abandon her daughter. She took one last breath before going back in to set her arm and get her into a temporary cast. She felt exhausted, so much had happened in the first half of her day, she wasn't sure how she would make it.