"What else you got planned today?" A voice said coming behind Meredith, startling her as she was writing notes into patient charts.
"Oh, it's you," she said with a sigh, returning to her work.
"Just me? I happen to be more than that now," he smiled at her.
"I'm super busy, can we talk later? And not in front of everyone," she said in a whisper to him.
"Oh I get it, yeah page me when your done. I need a consult in 2323," he smiled at her. She rolled her eyes, not able to stop the smile that creeped on her face. They had been seeing each other every chance they got, all while hiding their little relationship frenzy. No one knew except a handful of people, which was getting harder to hide. She hated that she had to hide her relationship. It made it feel like she was in high school all over again, but the hospital had an unwritten rule about relationships between superiors and interns.
She finished up writing in all the notes for Bailey and updating patients charts. Derek had taught her how to page someone from the nurses station, usually the nurses did most of the paging but she knew if she asked a nurse to page Derek, they would get suspicious. Butterflies flew in her stomach from the nerves as she walked slowly to the exam room where they would meet. She didn't expect to see him already when she walked in, he had immediately enveloped her into a kiss.
"I wish I could do this all the time," he whispered against her lips.
"Me too," she said with a smile. He chuckled lightly, shaking his head at her before leaning in for another kiss.
"When are you getting off?" He asked as he rubbed his hands from her shoulder down to her hands.
"I have to do some last minute things, check on a few patients and finish updating charts," she said, she couldn't wipe the huge smile that spread across her face when he was touching her.
"You, me, dinner at my place?" He said, raising his brow with the charming smirk he would do.
"I'll have to check my calendar," she sighed, looking away then looking back at him with a smile.
"Oh ok, is that how you're going to play this?" He chuckled.
"Maybe," she smiled, shrugging her shoulder.
"I'm off now, come by when you leave. Even if it's just for a bit, Grace is having a sleepover at her friends house so I'm free all night if you decide to fit me in," he smirked.
"I'll see you then," she giggled, kissing him again before whisking off. She couldn't stop smiling, she just felt at ease knowing how well her life was going. She finished up the post-op follow ups fairly quickly, Bailey had done a few minor procedures and they were all recovering fantastically. She flew through her charts, hoping to be there before it was too dark out.
"Hey, Joe's tonight?" Cristina asked with a sigh as she walked up next to Meredith.
"Can't, plans," Meredith replied, trying to focus on the charting.
"So are you two a thing now or what?"
"I don't know, we haven't talked about it. Just taking our time and testing the water's. Things are just as complicated as they were then but it just feels right," Meredith replied.
"I'm all for you finally finding your happiness or whatever but don't let it distract you. I know you and Webber are kind of like family but he isn't the only thing that can force you out of the program," Cristina reminded her.
"I know, I'm completely focused. I can separate my personal life from my professional," Meredith said in a hush tone.
"If you say so," Cristina shrugged.
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"I mean that this program is cut throat, and you are only an intern. Your life should revolve around this hospital day and night," Cristina said.
"I'm not asking for your advice or anything, I am not going to be my mother and completely lose myself in surgery. You can if you want to but this hospital won't own me like it did Ellis," Meredith said angrily as she closed her last chart and pushing it into the pile of other finished charts. She was fuming, Cristina had no right to tell her that she wasn't going to make it. Meredith knew she was a damn good surgeon and could balance her two lives. She walked into the locker room, grabbing her stuff as she quickly changed into her street clothes. She looked up and noticed Izzie walking in to the room, giving her the dirtiest look. The two haven't spoken since Izzie moved out, it had made working with her almost impossible as she thought that Meredith was trading sex for surgery. Meredith chose to ignore her, knowing it would just make things worse and she didn't have time to deal with her petty attitude.
As she drove to Derek's house, she couldn't help but remember all the late night talks the two shared, the bond that they had still seemed to be just as strong. She remembers talking to him about everything from the problems with her mother and school to the way she grew up and how different their childhoods were. He had opened up about losing his father not long before he left, he never really told her the full story about what happened other than he was gunned down at his store and got shot. She always wondered exactly what happened and more about his life that he didn't mention. She knew about his sister's and their career's, as well as other things about his childhood but she felt like she wanted more of it.
She finally arrived at his house, walking slowly to the front door. She was just about the open the door when it swung open, a tall beautiful woman with red hair was standing in front of her.
"I uh-" Meredith wasn't sure what to say. She looked at the houses next door trying to figure out if she was at the right house.
"You must be Meredith," the woman said with a disdained look on her face. It finally clicked as Meredith put two and two together as she stated at the woman. She was absolutely stunning, her red hair was curled and she wore the perfect amount of make up. She had a skin tight dress on her body that fit every curve perfectly, she knew exactly who it was.
"I am. Are you Addison?" She asked in an unsure voice.
"Yes, nice to finally meet the infamous Meredith Grey, you know I was expecting you to look a lot more like Ellis," she stated, looking Meredith up and down.
"Addison, you were just leaving," Derek said coming up behind her.
"Make sure she takes her medicine," Addison reminded, bypassing Meredith.
"I always do, it's not like she hasn't been taking it all her life," he said with an eye roll as he took Meredith's hand and pulled her inside.
"Look, I'm sorry about her. I didn't know she was going to stop by, she had to bring Grace's school stuff for Monday," he sighed.
"I forgot how beautiful she was," Meredith said honestly.
"She has nothing on you," he smiled at her, leaning down and kissing her deeply.
"Did you tell her about me?" Meredith asked as she followed him into the kitchen.
"I did, a long time ago. I didn't tell her exactly who you were until recently. She asked me about you after Grace told her she had met one of my friends," he said nervously.
"Well what are we?" She asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Like are we a couple?"
"I mean I'm not seeing other people and I hope you aren't," he said as he looked at her, pouring a glass of wine for the both of them.
"I'm not, but we've never made it official or anything. Like are we a couple?" She asked curiously. She wasn't sure if he wanted to take that step or not.
"If you want to be, I would really like that," he smiled at her.
"Ok then," she said with a nod.
"Ok," he smiled at her.
"Should I be worried about her?"
"Who? Addison? No, she and I have been done for a long time. She's just worried about Grace, it took her six months to introduce her fiancé to Grace," he replied.
"She's got a fiancé?" Meredith asked.
"Husband now, they got married a few months ago. He's a fertility specialist at Seattle Pres," he replied.
"Oh ok," she nodded, sipping on her drink.
"Did you know Mark and Lexie are still sleeping with each other?" Derek asked.
"And you said it wasn't going to last long," Meredith scoffed, shaking her head.
"It's Mark, it never does. I'm just shocked, he even told me about her and he's like actually getting to know her," Derek said.
"Maybe she will calm him down," Meredith shrugged.
"What shocked me was he told her about Sofia," Derek said.
"Who?" Meredith asked.
"Sofia, she's his daughter," he said.
"Wow, never pegged him as a dad with his cocky attitude," Meredith questioned.
"It's a long story, she just turned two a few months ago," he said as he finished up cooking his signature steaks.
"Who's the mom?" Meredith asked.
"Dr. Torres," he replied.
"I thought she was married to Dr. Robbins and a lesbian?" Meredith questioned.
"Told you, complicated," he shrugged.
"Wow, does everyone in the hospital date each other or married to each other?"
"Now that you mention it, kinda. Like Bailey is married to Ben the anesthesiologist that everyone loves to use. My sister Amelia is engaged to Owen, and that thing with Burke and Cristina," he said.
"You knew about Cristina and Burke?" Meredith questioned.
"Everyone did, the whole hospital talked about it for weeks after he fled. Sorry, I know that was your friend and all," he said, shaking his head.
"No, it's ok. Lately she's been on my ass about us, saying it's a mistake and I am not focused on my internship," Meredith said with an eye roll as she started eating her plate he had fixed for her.
"Don't let her get into your head, you are one of the best interns in your class. Well other than Lexie," he joked as he looked up to see her reaction.
"That's not even fair, she has an unfair advantage," Meredith replied.
"I know, but you are amazing. Cristina reminds me a lot of Ellis when I worked under her. Career focused, no time for a personal life," he stated.
"Yes she is, always has been. She doesn't understand, she will always put surgery first and that is something I swore to never let myself do because I will not become Ellis Grey," Meredith replied.
"I don't see it happening," he said shaking his head.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you have me and I won't let you. There is a healthy balance between the two, you just have to find it," he said with a shrug.
"I'm glad I found you again, you know I was terrified to come back . All the memories were just too hard. Richard really helped encourage me to come out," she said as she finished up her dinner.
"I'm glad you came back. You know I hoped one day you would, even though you swore you never would," he chuckled lightly as he looked at her.
"I did say that, didn't I?" She laughed as well.
"You did. You never really told me exactly what you've done in the past ten years," he said, taking both of their plates over to the sink.
"That is something I'll take to the grave with me," she said nervously.
"Come on, it can't be that bad. I mean, I did get married and lived a lie for years," he replied as he took her hand and brought her into the living room.
"I'm sorry, I hate talking about it. It makes me sick to think about really," she looked back at the years she spent with so much hatred toward everything, it made her a horrible person.
"I wanna know you, I want to get close with you," he begged. She let out a sigh, he was trying so hard for her and she knew that she could trust him. He guided her to the sofa, sitting down first and bringing one leg under the other. She sat opposite of him, looking into his blue eyes. He made her feel safe, he was her safe place.
"It started in Europe, honestly don't even remember most of it. Pieces of the puzzle are missing. I drank, a lot. I did drugs, I was wild. Every day was a party, I was wasting my time away. When I found out about Olivia, I hated myself for it. I feel like I was the one who-" she started to get choked up, admitting her fears to him.
"You didn't, you didn't know," he said as she shook her head.
"I had a feeling, but I always just told myself I was crazy and it was just the alcohol. I can't help but think of what if I had taken a test when I started feeling sick, it would have turned out differently," she said with tears, it felt like she was reliving the past.
"What ever happened?" He asked.
"Pre-eclampsia. In med school I slowly learned that I really didn't cause it, nothing I could have done could prevent it," she wiped the tears falling from her eyes, she hated talking about it. It made her feel weak and the emotions overwhelmed her. She had never truly given herself time to grieve over the loss of the baby she once held in her arms.
"If I'm honest with you, since you told me about her I think about her. What it would have been like, us three against the world," he looked as though he could cry as well. She never thought about how he would feel about it and now she regrets not telling him when she had the chance.
"It would have been great," she tried to smile, she looked around at the pictures he had on the walls of everyone in his family. Grace in every single picture, she knew that little girl was his world.
"Yeah," he smiled, shaking his head as he looked down at his lap.
"Well after that, it was like a giant blur until one day Richard called me. I was in Greece by then," she wanted to change the subject, she could only talk so much about Olivia before wanting to be admitted into a mental institution, "he called to tell me about Ellis. It really didn't hit me then. I was still determined to completely ruin my life. One morning, I was walking to the nearest coffee shop. Although it wasn't morning really, it was the middle of the day. He told me that my mom called him to say her final goodbye. She had sliced her arm so deep they could barely get it to close properly. She said she didn't want to live without medicine. I dropped everything, got on the first flight to Seattle and never looked back."
"I know that must have been scary," he said, reaching out his hand and grabbing hers.
"At first, it wasn't. It didn't get scary until they had her admitted. She went downhill so fast, one minute she was there and the next she didn't even have a clue who I was," she said, shaking her head.
"How did you get into medicine? You said you would never," he said.
"I said a lot of stupid things as a teenager. Losing Olivia then my mom getting her diagnosis really pushed me. I want to find a cure for Alzheimer's," she admitted.
"I believe in you, one step at a time," he said surely.
"I want to be the change, you know?"
"I do. That's what I love about medicine. There's constantly new research and studies on everything. I have actually been working on this new technique to shrink inoperable malignant glioma's. I'll have to show you one day," he said with a sparkle in his eyes. Meredith could see the passion for medicine in him, she knew he would be the one to create a cure for Alzheimer's if she couldn't.
"I would love to, we can research together. Call it the Grey-Shepherd method," she giggled.
"The Shepherd-Grey method. It was my idea," he joked.
"We'll have to work on the name," she joked back.
"What do you say, we watch a movie like old times?" He offered, grabbing the television remote from the side table.
"You're picking, it was your turn anyway," she smiled, repositioning herself on the sofa to be closer to him.
"Deal," he smiled back at her, wrapping his arm around her and placing a kiss to the side of her head. She had never felt so relieved and safe in another person's arms like she did with him.
Author's note : I know a little short but I really wanted to do a merder-centric chapter. I wanted to add a little backstory and let you know a peak of what went on while Meredith was away. I'm loving the reviews and just know I read every one and I wish I could just reply to them but sadly doesn't work that way. I do want to give a special thank you to those who have stuck by my stories, this one is holding a little special place in my heart. It's something I've been brainstorming for years but I was never sure what direction I wanted to go. I'm still working on some plot points, I am going to use some from the actual show with some twist that include the current story so just be looking out for them!