She stood there, a hotel room that looks so familiar. She heard cries from the halls, a baby cry. Her whole body felt shivers as a cold breeze brushed in through the open window.
"Hello!" She cried out, but somehow the words never left her head. She tried again, hurrying to the door where she heard the crying again. She went to grasp the door handle that was not there. She banged on the door, hoping whoever was out there would open. She turned and rushed to the window just as it disappeared. The whole room was empty, nothing except a single painting hung on the wall.
"Someone help me!" She croaked as tears started rushing down her cheeks. A loud bang and another scream was heard. She was terrified, she had no idea where she was or what was going on. Another baby cry started and then another. Just a cycle of baby cries heard all around her.
"Meredith!" A male voice said loudly, she looked around. No one was there. She heard it again, this time like it was in her own head.
"Meredith!" Derek said as he was shaking her. Here eyes jolted open, a cold sweat broke from her body.
"Are you ok?" He asked, looking extremely concerned at her. He was already dressed and had his hair fixed for the day. She looked over at the clock, noticing the time.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," she said, shaking her head. The feeling of loneliness fell heavy on her again. She hated them, her nightmares. It was like she was trapped and no one could help her.
"Are you sure?" He asked again.
"Yeah, just a dream. It's nothing," she shook her head again. She felt like she was opening a door from her past that didn't want to be opened.
"I got to get going, an early surgery. Are you sure you're going to be ok?" He asked again.
"Yes Derek. I'm fine," she assured him again.
"If you ever wanna talk about it, I'm here," he offered, leaning over to give her a small kiss.
"Thanks," she said, she still felt completely shaken up from nervousness like someone was out to get her.
"I'm going to take a quick shower before I head out," she said as she slowly climbed out of his bed.
"I'm going to get going. I made coffee," he leaned in to kiss her once again.
"Be careful," she told him.
"I will, just make sure you lock up before you go," he offered a smile at her. She smiled back, she was still shaking from the nightmare. She wanted so badly to know what it meant, she never experienced it so vividly as she had this last time.
Still trying to shake the feeling, she went and jumped into the shower. She groaned, shaking her head as she grabbed his shampoo. She didn't even think to grab her own. The aroma of his scent filled the shower as she washed her self, glad he was the only man she had ever met to use conditioner on his hair. She remembered making jokes with him about his hair, he showed her a picture of his untamed hair in high school that made her understand how he needed his hair products. She rinsed off, grabbing a towel from rack as she dried off. She smelled like him, it made her want his touch as she smelled it.
She blow dried her hair quickly, leaving it a little damp as she put the clothes she wore the previous night on. She didn't plan on staying the night, it just happened. She passed out halfway through their movie, she remembered him waking her up to ask if she wanted to come to his bed and it just looked so comfortable that she had to stay. She hurried downstairs, grabbing one of his cups to pour herself some coffee for the road. She smiled when she saw the French vanilla creamer he had bought, knowing how much she despised his love for hazelnut creamer. She grabbed her keys and hurried out the front door, running into someone she was not expecting to see.
"Hey, is Derek home?" Mark asked, catching her from falling down the stairs.
"Uh- no. He had an early surgery," Meredith stammered.
"Mhm, glad to see you are making my brother happy," Mark said cheekily. He had this charm that he gave off when speaking. She could see why Lexie fell so easily for him.
"What's your deal with Lexie?" She asked.
"What?" He questioned as he walked down the stairs with her.
"My sister, Lexie," she corrected. It felt weird to refer to Lexie as her sister.
"I didn't know you two were sister's," he replied.
"Yeah kinda, her dad is my dad. Anyway, are you just leading her on? She's really into you," Meredith said.
"If I didn't like her, I would continue sleeping with her," he said defensively.
"Just don't break her Sloan," Meredith said as she jumped into the car and hurried off to the hospital. She didn't have time to swing by her house to get a change of clothes, she would just have to face the walk of shame.
As she arrived at the hospital, she quickly rushed inside in hopes no one would see her. She managed to avoid everyone as she reached the locker room, trading her street clothes for scrubs. Just then Izzie walked in, rolling her eyes as she looked at Meredith.
"What's your deal?" Meredith said, slamming her locker. She was tired of it completely.
"You know what my deal is. It's bullshit," Izzie scoffed.
"My personal life is none of your business nor is it anyone in this hospital's. You don't know the first thing about me or my past. So before you go starting this, learn the facts," Meredith hissed as she stormed out of the locker room. Being pissed was an understatement with how she felt, she knew Izzie was in the wrong completely. Her and Derek was different, she wasn't just sleeping with him to get surgeries, she was in love with the man. That was something hard to admit, that she had truly fell head over heels for the man years ago and now was the one time in her life to finally have the happiness she deserved.
"How goes it?" Derek said, coming up behind her and startling her.
"Stop doing that," she hissed.
"Sorry, it's just so fun to see you get all jumpy," he smirked.
"Not funny. Mark stopped by as I was leaving," Meredith said.
"What did he say?" He said quickly.
"Nothing, he just wanted you," she shrugged.
"You seem snippy, I know what will make you feel better," he smirked as he whispered quietly into her ear.
"No, absolutely not," she said, trying not to let a giggle slip from her.
"I wasn't talking about that, but if you're up for it," he said with a raised brow.
"Then what were you talking about?" She replied.
"This," he smiled as he held up a CT scan.
"What is it?" She said as she took it from him, staring at the scan to try and find what he was referring to.
"That tiny spot, right there. A tumor, pressing against the optic nerve," he smiled happily.
"Are you asking me to scrub in?" She asked.
"Not favoritism. It's a secret patient that only few people can know about," he whispered as he took the scans back from her.
"So it's not because we are sleeping together?" She asked.
"Uh, no. Actually patient asked for you, said he knows you can keep a secret," he replied.
"I'm in," she said happily.
"Good, it's at sunset," he smiled before turning and walking away. She smiled at him, shaking her head as she grabbed a chart from the nurses station.
"You weren't home last night," George said from behind the counter.
"I wasn't, I had things to do," she said.
"Mhm, more like people," he chuckled as he bit into his apple.
"Person, just one," she laughed.
"It's nice to see you happy Mer," he smiled.
"Thanks Georgie. Have you asked out that nurse you keep eyeballing yet?" Meredith asked.
"And maybe I won't be home tonight either," he smiled.
"Good for you. Have you seen Bailey?" Meredith asked.
"Not yet, she's bound to pop up sometime," He replied. It was as if he talked her up as she rounded the corner.
"What are you two standing around for? Don't you have something better to do than gossip?" She said sternly slamming the chart on to the counter.
"I was just grabbed a few charts. Rounding on your post-ops," Meredith said quickly.
"That's what I thought. I was a full report done and back to me on all my post ops by lunch time," she said as she turned and walked away.
"Sounds like someone needs to be laid," George laughed as he stood up.
"I heard that!" She said without turning back around. He quickly turned his smile into a straight face as he grabbed a handful of charts.
"Meredith, come with me," she said and Meredith quickly followed.
"Yes Dr. Bailey," she huffed as she finally caught up to her.
"I need you to do pre-op on our secret patient," she said.
"Where is he?" She asked, she still didn't know who the patient was.
"Paperwork is under John Doe and it stays in the room, he's in room 3372 and if you speak a word of this to anyone, it's your career," Bailey said in a very threatening tone. Meredith was scared to know who it was, it had to be another doctor just because he asked for her. She didn't even have a clue to know who it was.
"I won't Bailey," Meredith assured her.
"Good. Anything he needs, you be there. He's your only patient today," she said before walking off again. Meredith stopped in front of the door, she couldn't even peak in to get an idea. She opened the door and was shocked to find him there.
"Richard!" She said with a gasp.
"Meredith, I'm glad you're here," he said.
"You have a tumor?" Meredith asked as she went straight for his chart.
"Sadly, it's not to big. Dr. Shepherd is sure he can get it without damaging the optic nerve," Richard said hopeful.
"He can, he's great. I'm on pre-op so I'll prep you closer to time. In the mean time, where is Adele?" Meredith asked, sure Adele would be there if she knew.
"Oh no need to bother her, she's on a trip with her sister. I'll tell her when she gets back."
"She'll want to know Richard," Meredith replied.
"What is it with you always taking her side?" Richard said with a chuckle.
"She has always had a good head on her, she kept you around," Meredith smiled.
"You're right on that one. Listen, I won't really need anything but can you do me a favor?" He asked.
"Anything Chief."
"Go check on a few patients of mine," he asked.
"Bailey told me to stay close by," Meredith replied.
"I'll page you if I need you, and I am her boss too," he said.
"You are such a workaholic," Meredith chuckled, shaking her head.
"This hospital doesn't run itself," he smiled.
"Just let me know if you need anything Richard," she said before turning and walking out. She went to grab the charts with his name on it, just a whipple and a hernia repair. She admired how well he always treated his patients, making sure they were well taken care of. He rarely got to cut, but he always tried to make time to do a few surgeries a week. He said it kept his skill up and always kept his head in the game. She knew being the chief wasn't an easy job, she watched how it completely ruined her mother. She was glad Richard knew how to draw the line in that sense.
She checked on each patient, doing labs and checking incision sites. It made her day go by a little faster instead of just waiting around on him. She stopped and grabbed a cup of coffee for herself and one for Derek. She spotted Lexie sitting by herself, she had a sad look on her face as she went over to her. Something told her to go over there, maybe it was the happiness kick she had been going on but she a part of her wanted to get to know Lexie.
"Hey," she said as she sat down next to her.
"Hey," Lexie said with a sigh.
"What's up?" She asked.
"Yang is on my ass about everything, it's too much. She's making it so much harder than it should be," Lexie said, she looked like she was about to cry.
"Cristina is trying to make or break you guys. She wants to see who will fail, she's pushing you because she knows you can handle it," Meredith said.
"I've been suturing for the last two weeks in the ER. I don't do anything except sutures and discharge. She's out to get me," Lexie croaked.
"Do you feel like you've gotten better?" Meredith asked.
"What?" Lexie questioned.
"With sutures? She wants you to show improvement. At least you aren't like Izzie. Bailey has her doing rectal exams everyday, at least you have seen the inside of an OR," Meredith said.
"Only a few times. What did Izzie do to Bailey?" Lexie chuckled.
"Nothing, Izzie is barely scraping by. She is struggling, the few times she has gotten in on a patient she gets too close and let's it hit her hard when they pass. Just be grateful, because Cristina sees potential in you," Meredith assured her.
"At least I get to work with Mark," Lexie said.
"There you go. One good thing is coming from that. How are things with you two?" She asked.
"It's complicated, I don't know exactly. We don't talk about it," Lexie replied.
"Talk to him, because I think he's into you," Meredith said as her pager started to go off.
"Gotta go," Meredith quickly stood up and hurried to Richard's room, leaving the two coffees on the table. She ran in breathlessly, looking at him as he just looked up at her.
"How are my patients?" He asked.
"I thought something was wrong," she huffed.
"My patients?"
"They're doing great," she continued to try and catch her breath.
"Glad to see you answer your pages at a run," he smiled.
"I gotta start your pre-op," she said, shaking her head at him. Just then, Derek came in to the room with his usual smile.
"Alright Richard, Meredith's going to start an IV and get you set up. I'll see you down there," he said with a smile, Meredith turned to him with wide eyes as she looked at him. His smiled faded a bit when he realized he didn't refer to her as Dr. Grey.
"Don't blind me Derek," he said with a raised brow.
"I'll do my best Chief," Derek returned a smile before turning and leaving. Meredith got his IV started before Bailey came in and motioned the coast was clear. The two of them quickly wheeled the bed into the elevator nearby and went down to the OR floor. They made it to the OR without being seen thankfully.
"Did you lock the gallery?" He asked as he moved from the hospital bed to the OR table.
"Got you covered Chief," Bailey assured.
"And low dose anesthesia? I don't want to be asleep for days," he asked.
"Yes Chief. You just lay there and worry about what you want your first meal to be," Meredith smiled.
"Alright people, it's a beautiful night to save lives," Derek said his signature saying as he smiled at Richard. He waited until Richard was fully under before starting the procedure. Meredith watched from the side as he was moving meticulously through Richard's brain. It was insane to see the brain of a living person that she has known all her life. She had seen them before but something about it being Richard made it different. There was not a word said except for Derek asking for instruments as he worked his way around the nerve and carefully extracting the tiny tumor that laid just before his optic nerve. It was crazy to her to think such a small thing could cause such a big problem.
"Alright, I'm done here. Dr. Bailey, care to wrap it up?" He said as he placed the last staple into his incision.
"Absolutely Dr. Shepherd," she said as she stepped in. Meredith stood back and helped bandage the wound.
"So is he blind?" Meredith asked as she handed gauze to Bailey.
"Won't know till he wakes up, will you page Stevens and Karev to finish my post-ops?" Bailey asked.
"Sure," Meredith said as she put down the rest of the gauze and went to scrub out. She went to the nurses station and told the nurses what Bailey had said before slowly walking down the corridor to find coffee. She was exhausted, the lack of sleep was definitely getting to her as she slowly walked down the halls. She grabbed two coffees, one for Derek and one for herself. She knew he would probably need it just as much as her. She headed back to Richard's room, managing to avoid Cristina who she knew would ask questions about where she had been all day. She looked around, making sure no one saw as she entered his room. Derek was doing an exam, checking his pupils and blood pressure.
"How's he doing?" Meredith asked as she offered the extra coffee to him. It was just the two of them. Richard was still asleep, which was expected. She just hoped he would wake up with his sight intact.
"Fine, I'm sorry about earlier," he said as he placed his flashlight back into his pocket before taking the coffee from her.
"Is he blind?" Meredith asked cautiously.
"His pupils reacted to the light so hopefully but we will know more when he comes to."
"You have to be careful. We don't need him knowing about us," she said in a hushed tone.
"I know, it was a slip-up. Won't happen again. He's going to find out eventually," he replied.
"Hopefully not soon, Derek he was like a father to me. He always kept my best interest at bay," Meredith reminded him.
"And he was my mentor. We can't keep us a secret forever," he reminded her.
"We have to for now, I'm still an intern and you are still an attending," she reminded him.
"I know, I'm going to go get some sleep. Will you stay here until he wakes up since he refused to call Adele?" Derek asked.
"Yes," she smiled up at him. He smiled down at her, he couldn't help but lean down and place a quick kiss on the top of her head. He turned and went out the door. She watched as he left, a smile still spread widely across her face.
"Meredith," Richard said groggily from behind her. Her smile quickly faded as she turned to look at him.
"You're awake," Meredith said, trying to put the smile back on to her face.
"You were right. It is wrong, he's an attending and you're an intern," he croaked.
"You saw us? You can see?" She said, a small sigh of relief came from her body as she knew his sight was still intact. She quickly grabbed her light from her pocket as she checked his eyes herself.
"I can hear too. If your mother was alive, you know what she'd say," he replied, a look of disappoint on his face.
"I also know my mother didn't always follow the rules either Richard. You don't understand," Meredith said shaking her head at him.
"I don't have to Meredith. It stops now," he said sternly.
"Richard, you know I care about what you think and this was the last way I could think of for you to find out. You don't know everything," she said defensively.
"I don't need to know. It's an inappropriate relationship and I'm not going to have it go on in my hospital," he said as his voice began to raise.
"I was 18 years old the first time I ever met him," she started. She was determined to change his mind, he was her boss and she could be fired for this. She saw his brain turning and twisting as he was thinking.
"His intern year?" He questioned.
"Yes. He lived next door to my mother, he taught me a lot of things back then. It was inappropriate back then, just as it is now but I didn't let it stop me. He changed me, he was the first person to ever love me for the way I am. Back then, it wasn't a relationship. We were friends, and he helped me learn how to be myself and stand up for what I believe in. I fell in love with Derek when I was 18, and then my mother found out and he fled. He was terrified that she would ruin his whole career. I'm not letting fear stand in the way for me. And if that means I'm fired, well then so be it," Meredith said, she felt herself shaking. She had never spoken to Richard like that.
"Your mother had mentioned something about you and the neighbor boy, she never said anything about who it was. He's the reason you went to Europe?" Richard questioned.
"No. My mother is what drove me to Europe, she kept me in a box for so long and I finally felt free. I thought I would never see him again, he makes me feel loved and happy. Can't you just let me be happy?" Meredith said, holding back tears. She was determined to get his approval but knew it didn't matter what he wanted.
"I'm not firing you, and I'm not approving this. The first time I see favoritism between you two, you will have disciplinary actions. Meredith you are going to make one hell of a surgeon, don't let him stand in the way of that," Richard said.
"I'm not going to let this hospital run me like it did my mother. I will work every second until I drop, but my life outside this hospital stays outside this hospital. I don't let what I have with him effect my work performance," she said.
"Good, you are an extraordinary woman Meredith. Don't let him fade you," Richard replied.
"I'm going to let you get some rest, I'm glad you know," Meredith said before letting him speak again she was gone. She felt relieved, Richard finally knew about them. She had to walk on eggshells and not let their relationship get in the way of her career, because she was going to prove her mother and everyone else wrong. She was going to have a happy, healthy balance in her life no matter how hard it was going to be. She was determined to be happy.