I'm rewatching Gravity Falls right now to prepare for a BIG crossover project but in the midst of that I have come up with some dumb little fics including this one, enjoy!
Mabel had heard the same line over and over. Dozens of men/gnomes/otherworldly entities wanted to make her their queen. Mermando had been the only genuinely tempting offer since he was actually an aquatic prince, but their love had been torn asunder. And everyone else who had offered to make her a queen was less than desirable. Gideon and the gnomes had been irritating, but Mabel had assumed that when she got older guys would stop treating themselves like royalty and her like property. That had not been the case. If anything, it was worse in college than ever before.
Mabel knew how to shut these guys down. If a candid rejection didn't work she still had a grappling hook. If the grappling hook didn't work she had fists, friends, and a brother. But the longer the annoying pick-up lines and harassment went on, the more Mabel wanted to properly assert herself.
So one day, she snapped.
"Hey, babe, why don't we go back to my place? I'll treat you like a queen."
"What's that supposed to mean? You're gonna treat me like a woman in her 90s whose death is widely predicted, bet on, and hoped for?"
"Uh…"
"We're in America, bucko. This is not a monarchy and you are not king, you're a sad little man who thinks you're worthy of me. Well, you aren't. You're not my king and I'm not a queen, I'm a congressman."
And then Mabel turned on her heel and walked off, leaving the sad little man staring after her.
From then on, that was her line, "I'm not a queen, I'm a congressman."
It was confusing to anyone but her and Dipper, but it shut the harassment down fast. Mostly because everyone was trying to figure out exactly what she meant by that.
What she meant, of course, was that she was a congressman. But no one knew about Quentin Trembley except for her, Dipper, and Pacifica. And being a congressman in secret hadn't actually served her very much until now.
But now it was the perfect comeback, now it made people think twice before trying on some bullshit line about "Making you my Queen." Where was the democracy there? It seemed like the guys who used that line didn't want her to have a vote on the matter. She had pardoned that behavior for too long. Now she was snapping, and, if necessary, bringing out the grappling hook.